Look at that lineup. It just feels like the swansong of all the negatives of D'Amore's TNA, doesn't it? Anyway, no time to talk...

because Jake Something's just done a big dive over the ropes to wipe out Dango and Bravo! Prudius attacks from behind but gets matador'd TO THE OUTSIDE! PCO does a stupid moonsault to the floor as he does every match. "Pico" chant as PCO pulls out the De-Animator on to the apron. Okay, now everyone roll in and we have a match. Something unleashes a few clotheslines before really milking a tag to Rhino. I notice an ad for "the Mummy Murders" on the mat, and why don't we have Gravitas Ventures movies sponsoring TNA anymore? Anyway, GORE teased but Prudius takes a cheap shot from outside.

Heel heat time. Bravo comes in to wishbone Rhino. ROPE CHOKING! By Bravo and by camo-and-combat-boot Prudius. Dango goes for a flying knee drop, even removing the knee pad, but finds only mat. In comes Something for the hot tag and he wrecks Dango. Into the Void teased but Bravo makes the blind tag. Now PCO is in and hits Bravo with a cornered lung blower and leg drop. Prudius is in illegally but he's got to clash with Rhino! They bump about like old men who can barely wrestle. GORE teased again but Dango grabs the hair. He's tossed off the top rope, GORE... but Dango dodges and Bravo eats it. He then gets Dango powerbombed on to him and a PCOsault finishes it.

House show ass match. PCO stupid dives are in equal parts amazing and uncomfortable. Moving on.

Might as well get a few bad matches in to stay on pace before I watch last night's Impact. This is a cut from 2016, a time when TNA was deep in financial hell, and that's never been clearer than when they brought on the Legionnaires to bolster their tag team division. To be an evil French team managed by, uh, Al Snow. This match(?) against two comedy characters is a Dave-certified DUD (but Cagematch is much kinder at 3.80/10).

Your friend and mine, Josh Mathews, notes that Baron Dax is the bald member of the Tribunal. They're both bald. In fact, Baraka is balder. Snow somehow gets boos by mentioning Trump. 2016 was a different time, Americans weren't as brainrotted then. Faces try to charge Snow but the Tribunal attack them. They work over the still visibly green Shera while Snow does the annoying Bill Alfonso thing blowing his whistle constantly. Shera's very much in the transition from Ring Ka King clean cut babyface to bearded buff bastard, and it's awkward. His in-ring is awkward. Frenchies do the basics and Snow uses a ref distraction to choke. Baraka uses a cravate (not a chinlock, he's French!).

ROPE CHOKING! Josh shouts out Keith Mitchell in the truck. Dax does a clumsy takedown, but not shoot-style sort of clumsy, the kind of clumsy that was clearly meant to look clean but just looks bad. Tribunal's double teams aren't great. Rest hold time. Shera fights out and hits a Sky High powerbomb. Hot tag to Grado is denied as Dax yanks Grado off the apron. Grado is tired of waiting, does a noggin knocker, and drags Shera back to his corner for the hot tag! Grado channels Dusty Rhodes for a bit before finally taking Snow's whistle off him. Which he SELLS! But Grado turns into a Tribunal double powerbomb for two.

Shera comes off the top with a double axe handle and starts to clean up. Double bionic elbow! They showboat too much so Tribunal can recover. Big boot should finish it for Grado but there's a delayed pin thanks to Al Snow's distraction. Soon after the Tribunal do a Demolition Decapitation for the win. Wait... is that Rob Terry's last solo theme? I should have known this would be no good!

Two lifeless heels meet a joke and a lifeless face. Seven minutes of nothing ensue.

That same year we've got another DUD featuring... this women's match! Why do I get the feeling Dave rated this so low just because of his well-established bias against women? Although this did have to follow the Great War, so I imagine it would leave a sour taste. Cagematch gives it a downright incredible by this thread's standards 4.09/10. Who's right?

Maria comes out with her hand in a cast and claims she isn't cleared to compete. But Allie, that beautiful dumbass Allie, reveals that Maria really is cleared. She was amazing in this role of the useless assistant and I love it and this match has my goodwill already. When Gail comes down, Maria gives her a slap and runs off. "I'm sorry for this, but no" -Gail, lightly pushing Allie aside to stop Maria using her as a human shield. Now in the ring Maria does catfight offence and goes for a pin. Hair toss after hair toss. Her genuine best move so far has been a stomp. ON GOES THE CHINLOCK. Pope compares this to Dusty vs. Flair. Jeez.

Both women miss corner charges and Maria does a sloppy spinebuster for two. "What do I have to do?" -well, Maria, you have to learn to wrestle. In comes Mike Bennett to pass the fake brace back in, and try to interfere. Maria whacks Gail with the foreign object for two. Allie collects the brace, Maria wants it back... so Allie tosses it into no man's land! Gail offers to hand it back but throws it right away. Something that amazes Allie happens, but camera doesn't see it. Gail breaks out the ring post Figure Four! Bitch slap, Eat Defeat (which Maria has no idea how to take) and that's it, Gail wins!

Genuinely fun character work combined with terrible ring work. I'm not describing this match, I'm describing Maria's career as a whole. But yeah, that also applies to this match.

Jump back a year and we're in a slightly better financial shape but still no good. And it's time for another Gauntlet Battle Royal! Which was given a DUD rating and a hivemind score of 2.50/10! How'd they fuck this one up?

#1 - Mr. Anderson
#2 - Jessie Godderz

I can't escape Anderson. He doesn't get a mic drop so he steals Hemme's. Godderz comes out in a robe and is announced as "The Man". Also commentary reveals that you can win the final phase of this match by over the top rope, as well as pinfall or submission. Then what's the point of this? That's just a Rumble! Anderson plays the wily veteran and stops Godderz in his tracks in so much. Godderz does a drop toe hold and damn near drops Anderson in a press slam. Anderson offers a handshake... but of course it's a trick and he takes control.

#3 - Eli Drake
#4 - Al Snow

YEAH! Drake looks like he's about to bust out the BFT early but Anderson counters and takes a clothesline instead. The two younger men try to toss Anderson but no luck. Al Snow brings out Head but nobody wants to take it so he beats everyone up. Godderz does a bit of heat on the old man but eats some headbutts. Neckbreaker by Drake who walks into a Godderz enzuigiri... who walks into an Anderson dropkick. There's an Irish whip do-si-do spot.

#5 - Aiden O'Shea
#6 - Robbie E

They somehow manage to botch the countdown as O'Shea just... comes out. He's playing the bar room brawler character so he only punches. How has the low point of the 2011 X Division become the most sprightly man in the match? Robbie teams up, oddly, not with his Bro Mans partner, but with Al Snow. This gets him smacked about. Snow hits Drake with Head and he stumbles over the top rope being the first elimination. Great planning there. Old guy eliminating your future World Champion!

#7 - Mahabali Shera

The possibility of Suicide coming out pops me, because their entrance themes start the same. But no, it's Shera. He does clotheslines on everyone because that's the only move he can do. Then he initiates a group Shera Shake! Even Aiden O'Shea does it... before he punches out Shera and we're back to wrestling again. Sort of. Shera eliminates O'Shea to minimal reaction. They botch the countdown again.

#8 - Tyrus
#9 - Chris Melendez

Useless Fox News Fuck comes out to EC3's theme and the crowd starts to mildly give a shit because maybe that means someone who's both over and capable of wrestling wil come out. But no, Tyrus. Robbie E is the Yoda on Tyrus' back and he gets back dropped. Chris Melendez is here and we can now answer the question: can a one-legged man win an ass-kicking contest? He's doing well so far, and does an every-man-for-himself spot with Anderson. Tyrus gently bundles Melendez over to the apron before punching both him and Snow out of contention. Shera wants to dance but is gone too.

#10 - Tommy Dreamer

2015, when Dreamer in the polka dots was a nostalgia pop and not a groan. He cleans up in the new-entry style before facing down Tyrus. You know what fucks me right up? Tyrus is only two years younger than Dreamer. They both hit low blows and Dreamer does a Bionic Elbow and crossbody... before Godderz springs right out of nowhere with a dropkick!

#11 - Abyss

Maybe this should have been a hardcore battle royal. Would have justified half the entrants. Abyss chokeslams Robbie E's soul out of his body and he and Tyrus have a monster-off.

#12 - D'Angelo Dinero

All of a sudden Pope decides he wants in on this, and I guess that means he's an official entrant now! He boogies down, but clearly he has Large Man Blindness as he doesn't notice Abyss and Tyrus are in the middle of the ring. He changes his mind once he finds out and eliminates himself. Two towers of doom by Abyss and Tyrus, who start throwing rights at each other. Abyss has Tyrus on the ropes but Tommy Dreamer stops him for no reason and eats a Black Hole Slam. Abyss is eliminated and now the entire field is shit. Anderson and Dreamer DDT Tyrus together. Godderz brings Robbie on to the apron and Robbie tries to return to the ring but gets crotched on the rope. One headscissors later, Robbie out.

Mic Check to Dreamer who's gone now. Godderz goes for a press slam again but drops Anderson again. Mic Check, Jessie Godderz out. Now it's time for two washed old men to battle. Anderson tries to go for the Green Bay Plunge but he can't lift up that pile of blubber. He manages it at a second attempt though, for two. Kenton Bomb but Anderson lands right on his neck and it's not nice to watch. He tries to go for an over-the-top elim (why??) but Tyrus punches and belly flops him for the win. EC3's a proud man.

So, that's how you fuck up a Rumble. Have the highest energy entrant be Robbie E. So many hopeless cases in this match.

We finish today's bad matches with this one, which somehow got three Dave stars but Cagematch gives 3.35/10. Kurt Angle, a man with his foot out of the door, up against Eric Young who's tapping into his crazed heel side.

Technical issues out the asshole in the intros. EY gets on the mic and talks about how Angle is hurt and he'll break him. "You're looking at God" -a psychopath with a beard. Fits, I suppose. They're basically reiterating the build on the reasonable assumption that nobody here has watched Impact all year. Punchfest and EY rolls TO THE OUTSIDE so they can brawl and furniture-bash. And we go into the crowd, which doesn't even pop them that much. That long, shitty gauntlet will do that. Angle brings it back into the ring and does one German, but EY grabs the ropes to stop a second. Doesn't stop a belly-to-belly and EY's out again. They eventually back in when EY gets a piledriver on Angle's broken freakin' neck.

And then Angle's in pain on the outside, the ref's relaying info to EY, and medical staff are out in a way that looks uncomfortably shoot. Everyone's so deathly quiet and commentary's acting like this is 100% legit. A doctor calls it off. It's suddenly revealed as a worked shoot when EY starts attacking the medics and the extra ref. And oh, I hate this, and it's taken me out of the match. You can't worked shoot someone having a serious neck injury. Fully work it or don't do it. Ref's still checking on Angle as if he's shoot hurt. Chair shot by EY, and we're on the outside again. "This is assault, this is criminal" -Josh, stil in hushed this-is-a-shoot tone. It just does not work.

EY exposes concrete. Someone in the crowd is dressed as Captain America and offers his shield. The "use the shield" chant is bigger than anything else I've heard in this match. EY teases the piledriver on the concrete but Angle does a German (on to the mats, thankfully). Back in the ring EY's attacking the head but Angle gets up and manages to hit the three Germans. Angle Slam for two. EY sends Angle into the ring post a couple of times. He goes up top with an elbow to the face but no pin. Instead he just wants to stamp on Angle's neck. A second elbow this time to the back of the neck. Even though camera clearly shows it hits the shoulder. Angle does death trembles, and yet still kicks out.

EY tries to lift Angle on to the top rope and Angle legit falls on his head this time. Fucking hell, what if that one really did break him? It'd be a red match for sure if they'd done a worked shoot injury only to injure him legit. Now we're on the top rope and EY teases a top rope piledriver but Angle escapes. Sunset flip attempt but Angle gets on an ankle lock! EY taps, that's it, for a really flat match with no heat.

What a sad way for Angle's TNA run to go out. Yes, I know he had a few months after this, but it was effectively over.