If it ever happens (and we all saw this coming) i'd show up sober as fuck (minus weed) and instead of paying me i'd just want to share the 2nd dance you and Dougie have by being hand in hand with his mom.
Seriously though in 3 months I have the ability to marry people, it's insanely easy (not doing it expecting to be the guy who does you two or assuming you two do) and I really would mark balls for cajun corn. Fuckthe pastoral shit, if you ever get married let my bitch ass be in the kitchen. Testify can boil hot dogs, at least i've heard.