"Diverticulitis is an illness that never goes away." - Brock Lesnar, describing a similar ailment that I picked up during a two-week bender in Bangkok's red-light district. Lesnar announced his removal from UFC 131 during an emergency conference call. Shane Carwin will step in to fight Junior dos Santos. (Sherdog)
"Basically, you’ve got an infection in your stomach and all my resources went toward fighting this problem instead of rebuilding what I tore down in the gym." - Lesnar. Deadspin put it best when it described diverticulitis as the "bulging, feces-filled sacs in Brock Lesnar's colon," though I disagree with their assessment that it acts as a metaphor for his career...no matter how funny I find that to be.
"I am forced with the decision to either have surgery, or to deal with this for the rest of my life. ... It’s a matter of removing some of my colon and reattaching it, and I can’t foresee that being a career-threatening ordeal. At least, I hope not." - Lesnar. I can't wait for Lesnar to pull a Jon Jones.
"I wanted more than anything to fight Junior dos Santos and to win that fight and to get a shot at Cain Velasquez. ... But now, more importantly, my health and my family are more important." - Lesnar. Diverticulitis also causes the patient to become redundant in his speech.
"I’ll tell you one thing: I’m not retiring. This isn’t the end of my fighting career." - Lesnar
I DREAD THE DAY THAT BOB REILLY BECOMES IRRELEVANT
"What immediately came to my mind was, [w]hat's the need for insurance?" - New York Assemblyman and MMA roadblock Bob Reilly. Of course it was the first thing that came to mind, Bob. The politician's first instinct is to spin information to help his or her cause. (MMA Fighting)
"Because advocates for MMA have been touting how safe this sport is and that no one is ever injured, and in fact, the testimony here is that the worst that ever happened was a broken arm." - Reilly, adding to his field of straw men.
"I don't think that insurance is going to do anything for the very prevalent brain damage that fighters will suffer." - Reilly. Yes, that's right. Bob Reilly believes that additional coverage for medical care will do NOTHING for treatment.
"I think what MMA should be doing is, instead of providing insurance for injuries, is to do away with injuries." - Reilly. Oh sure, Bob. I'll get right on that. Just let me grab my pixie dust from Rainbowsandunicornsland.
"I think it's a positive thing, but I don't think it's a positive step. ... But it's certainly not a negative thing." - Reilly, who could write the book on "Political Spin for Advanced Players."
BECAUSE TWIQ WOULDN'T BE COMPLETE WITHOUT MORE JONES/EVANS BEEF
"I seen him in Toronto and walked by him and he looked at me and said 'What you lookin' at?' and I said 'What you lookin' at?' Then he said 'You a clown!' and I said 'You a clown!' and that was it....it was nothing." - Rashad Evans. Well, I'm looking forward to more of this sort of trash talk should Evans gets by Phil Davis. (Cagewriter)
"Jon will put on his Jon Jones hat when he's in front of the media, but I know Jon Jones." - Evans. If just half of the things I've heard about Jones are true, than Rashad is dead on with this comment.
"I have more respect for 'Rampage' [Jackson] than I do for Jon. At least Rampage will be like 'this is me, this is what you get.' He's straight up, boom. I don't like that sneaky, sneaky stuff. Jon is like sneaky. Snake ... snake." - Evans, who made hissing sounds until reporters left him alone.
BLOODY ELBOW COVERS MORE BOXING, READERS SPONTANEOUSLY COMBUST
"I don't want to down talk the sport, I love MMA." - Jeff Lacy, adding, "But I'm going to down talk the sport a bit here." (Cagewriter)
"It's a 'Toughman' contest when they're striking. Two fighters standing up going blow for blow." - Lacy.
"How would you figure the pressure's on me when this is something I've been doing all my life? It's something I can close my eyes and do." - Lacy. That explains your last fight.
"Nick has good hands, some of the best hands in MMA. But professional boxing is totally different." - Andre Ward, who was victorious over Arthur Abraham this weekend. Ward has sparred with Nick Diaz in the past. (ESPN)
"I can’t really talk about [how he did]. That’s something fighter’s don’t reveal out of respect for each other. It was good work though." - Ward. "It's good work" is the equivalent of "she's nice" when someone asks how a blind date went.
SOMEONE SET AN OVER/UNDER ON THE DATE OF CHAEL SONNEN'S NEXT FIGHT
"[W]e put him on a California State Administrative Suspension for the remainder of his license, until he appeared before the commission." - CSAC Director George Dodd, on the testosterone-elevated, mortgage-frauding, perjure-himselfing Chael Sonnen. (MMA Weekly)
"We sent Chael a letter and he's requested to appear in front of the commission to appeal his suspension." - Dodd. In a surprise to no one, Sonnen claimed it never arrived said his dog ate it came back with a note from Epstein's mother.
"One, his pleading guilty to his felony conviction up in Oregon, as well as possibly providing false testimony during his hearing back in December." - Dodd, on the reason for the suspension and hearing on May 18. One can only hope that Sonnen has Dr. Mark Czarnecki, DO, in tow.
WHITE NOISE
"I was right and he was wrong." - UFC President Dana White. The inverse of this has never left the man's mouth. (SB Nation MMA)
"Here's what you don't do in the fight business, you don't sit out and say ‘I'm gonna wait for the title shot and I'll sit out for a year and wait ‘till this guy - who just blew his knee out - heals.' That's insane." - White. There's nothing snarky to add to this.
"And now he's in line for another fight and the kid's been sittin' around for almost a year and a half, hasn't fought, has ring rust, and hasn't got paid in a year and a half." - White. Am I the only one who feels like the Rampage fight was just a couple months ago?
PARTING SHOTS
"I remember Diaz telling me years ago how they punished him for not going on that dating show they were having a couple of fighters go on. ... Nick had a girlfriend at the time and he wouldn’t do it." - Urijah Faber. While I understand Diaz's refusal to appear on Blind Date, OH MY GOD IMAGINE NICK DIAZ ON BLIND DATE. (Cagewriter)
"Without sounding too self-involved ... I think I could have been a little bit of a difference." - Gil Martinez. I do not get sick of these. (ESPN)
"I really feel like Georges fights not to lose, he just doesn’t fight to win anymore." - Matt Hughes. Georges St. Pierre fights toward MMA purgatory. (Matt-Hughes.com)
"I spoke with the VPD [Thursday] and advised them that we would not be funding any 'expanded police presence' for community areas in the general vicinity of the Rogers Arena." - UFC Canada's Director of Operations Tom Wright. No extra police presence will be provided for Vancouver Canucks playoffs games, because Canadians remain reserved in the face of hockey jubilation. (MMA Fighting)
"I can't punch with my right hand yet. The doctor wants me to take two months to strengthen my right hand." - Cain Velasquez. Well, that explains my experience over the weekend. (Heavy.com)