Snow White And The Huntsman 3.5/5
Surprisingly decent Kirsten Stewart vehicle which liberally rips off Game Of Thrones, Lord Of The Rings and Kingdom of Heaven on its way to a good story. Unlike what the Burtonesque poster would have you believe, this is not a dark fantasy; rather, it is a medieval quasi-epic which aims for a degree of realism, with its grimy, muddy kingdom and a dishevelled, ragged Snow White, who most definitely does not sing to birds and bunnies, and is one step away from descending into madness. In this regard, Kristen Stewart is perhaps THE surprise of the movie, playing a self-sufficient, strong-willed woman who is as far from Bella Swan as from the 'traditional' Snow White of the fairy tales - and yes, Ms Stewart even closes her mouth a handful of times throughout the film! Opposing our pure-hearted heroine is a delightfully hammy Charlize Theron, as Cersei Lan...errrrm, Ravenna, the obligatory Wicked Queen (and yes, she does have a blond evilton of a brother, played by someone who looks remarkably like Mr. Kennedy, but isn't). The cast is rounded out by a surly, glowering Chris Hemsworth (looking like a dishevelled, Scots-accented cross of Mark Wahlberg and Brad Pitt) and Jon Sn...I mean, WILLIAM, Arya's...I mean, SNOW's childhood friend and the Duke's son. Along the way, they meet the Seven Dwarves (what, you thought they wouldn't be here?) and engage in a couple of other moments from the fairytale, but the film essentially gives up being a straight retelling about halfway through.
And that. in the end, is the main problem with this flick - it seems to not know exactly what it wants to be. Behold how, after an hour of painstakingly setting up that it is NOT a Disney princess movie, it suddenly lapses into twenty minutes or so of...being a Disney princess movie, complete with tweeting birds, verdant woods, and cute CGI pixies. The diversion is ultimately pointless (other than to hammer in that Snow is, y'know, SPECIAL) and almost ruins what is otherwise a satisfyingly grown-up movie. At certain points, Ravenna also seems to be slightly overpowered (she can apparently teleport) and like she should not have this much trouble disposing of Snow White - her ultimate flaw is that she stalls, for some unexplained reason. Otherwise, the bad guys could have easily won.
None of this, however, detracts from what is a lightweight, but ultimately enjoyable movie experience. In the pantheon of impressive movies I've seen lately, this one falls firmly behind Avengers and Rise of The Planet of The Apes; but it is still better than most of the tripe that passes for entertainment these days.
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Bad Company 1.5/5
Chris Rock pseudo-action-comedy which commits the biggest sin possible for a movie of this genre: to be utterly, hopelessly boring. The editing is sloppy and confusing, performances are disinterested, the story is a mess, and nothing ever clicks the way it should. The only effect this has on the viewer is to make them wonder when the hell it is going to be over. BAD company indeed.
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Collateral 2/5
A massive snore of a pseudo-thriller, which thinks it has something profound to say, but doesn't. Its running time of under two hours feels like twice that much, and it is a VERY bad sign when it takes the DIRECTOR'S COMMENTARY to help the viewer make sense of the story. The only enjoyment one will derive from it is bound to come from uncontrollably laughing at Tom Cruise running around with frosted hair thinking he's convincing as a hardened killer-for-hire. Uh, Tom...? Nope.
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Top Cat 1.5/5
A sadly failed attempt at a trip down memory lane, hampered by incredibly awkward Flash animation, CGI which looks straight out of a budget-range PS2 title (or Saturday morning cartoon), and jokes that are as old hat as the one on the title character's head (some of which are even painstakingly EXPLAINED - fail, movie!). This is the kind of flick where someone will get struck by lightning, then say "it's a good thing lightning never strikes twice in the same place", and three guesses as to what happens next (the first two don't count). Not that there would be anything wrong with that, if it worked - but it doesn't. The voice work is competent (the actors do their best to emulate the original cast, even if there are very noticeable differences) and there's even a reenactment of the iconic opening, complete with the classic tune. Sadly, all of this is hampered by the horrid animation and drab story, making for an altogether unsatisfying 75 minutes. At one point in the film, a character states that "this is a new world, Top Cat, and there's no place in it for you!"; in a sadly ironic piece of meta-irony, his exact words can be applied to this movie itself.
Surprisingly decent Kirsten Stewart vehicle which liberally rips off Game Of Thrones, Lord Of The Rings and Kingdom of Heaven on its way to a good story. Unlike what the Burtonesque poster would have you believe, this is not a dark fantasy; rather, it is a medieval quasi-epic which aims for a degree of realism, with its grimy, muddy kingdom and a dishevelled, ragged Snow White, who most definitely does not sing to birds and bunnies, and is one step away from descending into madness. In this regard, Kristen Stewart is perhaps THE surprise of the movie, playing a self-sufficient, strong-willed woman who is as far from Bella Swan as from the 'traditional' Snow White of the fairy tales - and yes, Ms Stewart even closes her mouth a handful of times throughout the film! Opposing our pure-hearted heroine is a delightfully hammy Charlize Theron, as Cersei Lan...errrrm, Ravenna, the obligatory Wicked Queen (and yes, she does have a blond evilton of a brother, played by someone who looks remarkably like Mr. Kennedy, but isn't). The cast is rounded out by a surly, glowering Chris Hemsworth (looking like a dishevelled, Scots-accented cross of Mark Wahlberg and Brad Pitt) and Jon Sn...I mean, WILLIAM, Arya's...I mean, SNOW's childhood friend and the Duke's son. Along the way, they meet the Seven Dwarves (what, you thought they wouldn't be here?) and engage in a couple of other moments from the fairytale, but the film essentially gives up being a straight retelling about halfway through.
And that. in the end, is the main problem with this flick - it seems to not know exactly what it wants to be. Behold how, after an hour of painstakingly setting up that it is NOT a Disney princess movie, it suddenly lapses into twenty minutes or so of...being a Disney princess movie, complete with tweeting birds, verdant woods, and cute CGI pixies. The diversion is ultimately pointless (other than to hammer in that Snow is, y'know, SPECIAL) and almost ruins what is otherwise a satisfyingly grown-up movie. At certain points, Ravenna also seems to be slightly overpowered (she can apparently teleport) and like she should not have this much trouble disposing of Snow White - her ultimate flaw is that she stalls, for some unexplained reason. Otherwise, the bad guys could have easily won.
None of this, however, detracts from what is a lightweight, but ultimately enjoyable movie experience. In the pantheon of impressive movies I've seen lately, this one falls firmly behind Avengers and Rise of The Planet of The Apes; but it is still better than most of the tripe that passes for entertainment these days.
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Bad Company 1.5/5
Chris Rock pseudo-action-comedy which commits the biggest sin possible for a movie of this genre: to be utterly, hopelessly boring. The editing is sloppy and confusing, performances are disinterested, the story is a mess, and nothing ever clicks the way it should. The only effect this has on the viewer is to make them wonder when the hell it is going to be over. BAD company indeed.
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Collateral 2/5
A massive snore of a pseudo-thriller, which thinks it has something profound to say, but doesn't. Its running time of under two hours feels like twice that much, and it is a VERY bad sign when it takes the DIRECTOR'S COMMENTARY to help the viewer make sense of the story. The only enjoyment one will derive from it is bound to come from uncontrollably laughing at Tom Cruise running around with frosted hair thinking he's convincing as a hardened killer-for-hire. Uh, Tom...? Nope.
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Top Cat 1.5/5
A sadly failed attempt at a trip down memory lane, hampered by incredibly awkward Flash animation, CGI which looks straight out of a budget-range PS2 title (or Saturday morning cartoon), and jokes that are as old hat as the one on the title character's head (some of which are even painstakingly EXPLAINED - fail, movie!). This is the kind of flick where someone will get struck by lightning, then say "it's a good thing lightning never strikes twice in the same place", and three guesses as to what happens next (the first two don't count). Not that there would be anything wrong with that, if it worked - but it doesn't. The voice work is competent (the actors do their best to emulate the original cast, even if there are very noticeable differences) and there's even a reenactment of the iconic opening, complete with the classic tune. Sadly, all of this is hampered by the horrid animation and drab story, making for an altogether unsatisfying 75 minutes. At one point in the film, a character states that "this is a new world, Top Cat, and there's no place in it for you!"; in a sadly ironic piece of meta-irony, his exact words can be applied to this movie itself.
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