Reviewing every WWE PPV in order from worst to best

[Jarf]

In Your House 19: D-Generation X

This was really bad guys. This was bad.

Match 1: Light Heavyweight Championship Tournament Final Match - Taka Michinoku def. Brian Christopher (12:02)

Starting this show with a solid match actually. The match starts with Brian using his weight advantage to throw the smaller Taka around. But Taka throws Brian off his game with his more high flying style. Brian attempts… something from the top rope on Taka on the outside and Taka moves, and Brian’s lip hits the railing and he’s bleeding from the mouth the rest of the match. He’s mostly in control of Taka from here, but he taunts too much to the crowd, and he attempts a leg drop from the top rope, which Taka moves out of the way of. He hits a Michinoku Driver to become the inaugural Light Heavyweight Champion.

My Rating: ***1/4

Match 2: Los Boricuas (Jesus Castillo, Jose Estrada & Miguel Perez) def. Disciples of Apocalypse (8-Ball, Skull & Chainz) (7:57)

The first of many terrible boring matches throughout the show. They just kick, clothesline, body slams and rest holds. None of these guys are very good and we got 6 of them. Miguel at some point hurts his leg and Savio tries to substitute for him, but the referee isn’t allowing him. While one of the DOA (I couldn’t tell you who) had a cover, the referee is distracted by everyone else brawling at ringside, but Miguel comes back in and drops a leg drop on the DOA. His leg was fine. SWERVE! This match sucked.

My Rating: 1/2*

Match 3: Boxing Match - Butterbean def. Marc Mero via DQ (10:20)

There were 2 Boxing Matches already in this series and both of them sucked. This one was the best of the three, but it’s still not that great. Marc Mero tries to cheat to win. He throws a cheap shot at Butterbean between rounds and while the referee’s back is turned. Eventually, Butterbean says “I’m gonna kill this guy” and he starts going ham on Mero. He almost knocks him out in the third round just before the bell rings. Mero’s guys are trying to wake him and Butterbean helps by throwing cold water on Mero. I did like that, I’ll be honest. Butterbean is a killer. Once the round starts, Butterbean almost knocks Mero out again, but Mero throws a punch to Butterbean’s dick to get DQ’d. The first of 4 fucking DQ finishes tonight! How do you not let Butterbean knock this dude out. Marc Mero was a heel at this point, he said he could knock out Butterbean in 4 rounds or less and he treats Sable like his property. How do you not have Mero get knocked out when that’s all people wanted to see? Bullshit finish!

My Rating: **

Match 4: WWF Tag Team Championship Match - The New Age Outlaws (c) def. The Legion of Doom via DQ (10:33)

Yeah, 2 DQ finishes in a row. At this point, I wanted to rip my hair out. The Outlaws try to run away before the match starts, but they’re blocked off by Gerald Brisco and some other people I didn’t bother to pay attention to. The Road Warriors bring them to the ring and kick their asses for 6 minutes. Eventually, The Outlaws manage to bring down Hawk and they isolate him for a short time before Animal gets the hot tag. The Warriors go for the Doomsday Device, but Henry Godwinn runs down holding a bucket and hits Animal in the head while the ref isn’t looking. Hawk snaps and uses the bucket on the Outlaws and almost the referee too.

My Rating: *

Match 5: Boot Camp Match - Triple H def. Sgt. Slaughter (17:39)

Why? Why did they give this match 17 and a half minutes? Sgt. Slaughter was never that good even in his prime so I had serious doubts he could have a good match here. He beats on Triple H for a while until Triple H takes the advantage. This is a really dull match. The one thing that this match does have is Slaughter blinding Chyna with powder as she tries to hit him with a chair. Triple H finishes the Sarge with a Pedigree onto a chair and this match is thankfully over.

My Rating: *

Match 6: Jeff Jarrett def. The Undertaker via DQ (6:56)

Look at that, another DQ finish. Son of a bitch! Another match that isn’t anything at all. Undertaker beats on Jarrett for a few minutes before Jeff takes a brief advantage by attacking Taker’s knee, but Undertaker is soon beating on Jarrett again, but then… the lights go out and Kane makes his entrance. He enters the ring and Jarrett slaps his hand, telling him to get Taker. Kane takes exception to that and Chokeslams Jarrett, causing the DQ. But Kane is here for Undertaker. He slaps Undertaker, trying to get him to fight him, but Undertaker refuses and Kane leaves. Jarrett tries to attack Undertaker after Kane leaves, but he eats a Chokeslam from Taker too.

My Rating: *1/2

Match 7: Intercontinental Championship Match - Steve Austin (c) def. The Rock (5:37)

Not the best match but definitely the best part of the show. The Rock comes down with the Nation of Domination, he’s wearing the Intercontinental Title because he stole it from Austin. Stone Cold drives down in a truck and he pulls up to the ring with it. He gets in and is immediately jumped by the Nation. D’Lo runs at Austin he gets backdropped over the ropes onto the hood the truck. Austin takes him to the roof and hits him with a Stunner. The bell rings when Austin gets back in the ring. Austin gets thrown outside the ring again and The Rock distracts the ref, allowing Faarooq and Kama to gang up on Austin. Faarooq holds Austin while Kama grabs a chair and takes a swing, but Austin moves and Faarooq gets hit instead. Austin then irish whips Kama into the truck. The finish comes when Austin accidentally stuns the ref thinking it’s The Rock coming up from behind him. Rock pulls out a pair of knucks and tries to hit Austin, but he eats a Stunner instead. A second referee runs down and Austin retains the Intercontinental Title.

My Rating: **1/2

Main Event: WWF Championship Match - Ken Shamrock def. Shawn Michaels (c) via DQ (18:29)

The last DQ finish of the night in the main event. I’ll say it again. Son of a bitch! I did like this match though. It starts with Ken Shamrock throwing Shawn around, and Shawn sells and bumps for him like crazy. Shawn eventually takes the advantage and works over Shamrock with occasional help from Triple H and Chyna on the outside. Chyna even hits a body slam on Shamrock at some point. Shamrock manages to belly to belly Shawn and apply the Ankle Lock, and Triple H and Chyna run in and a DQ is called. They beat on Shamrock and throw him to the outside. Shawn gets on the back apron to taunt the crowd, but he’s hit from behind and goes through the announce table, by none other than Owen Hart. Owen pounces on Shawn like a mad man and Triple H has to chase him off. Owen leaves through the crowd. Shamrock is announced the winner by DQ and DX celebrate in the ring to end the show…

My Rating: ***1/4

Cagematch Rating: 3.96

My Rating: 2.5/10

Wow, this show sucked. Not only is it boring and packed with bad matches, it’s also badly booked. 4 DQ finishes? Including one in the main event? Are you fucking kidding me? You ever watch an anime and they do an episode that doesn’t matter at all, it’s just filler. That’s what this felt like. Filler to kill time until the Rumble. This show was even worse than I thought it would be. Do not recommend.

Up next is another WrestleMania. And I get to watch another long ass tournament, because it’s WrestleMania 4.

 

[Jarf]

WrestleMania IV

I’m starting to realize that WWE are very bad at booking tournaments.

Match 1: 20-Man Battle Royal - Bad News Brown won by last eliminating Bret Hart (10:40)

Why on earth would WWE book 5 extra matches when I already have to watch a 16-man (well, 14-man) tournament happen on one show?! Whyyyyyyyyyy?! Anyway, George Steele is eliminated first and he stands outside the ring for so long that Gorilla Monsoon and Jesse Ventura can’t figure out if he was eliminated or if he was waiting to get in. He eliminates Jim Neidhart while he’s out there while pulling him by his beard. The final 3 is Bad News, Bret Hart and Junkyard Dog and Brown and Hart double team JYD because they’re the heels. They manage to eliminate him, and it looks like they’re gonna celebrate together, but Brown kicks Hart in the back of the head and eliminates him. Brown is presented a trophy that Bret gets back in and destroys ‘cause he’s a sore loser.

My Rating: **

Match 2: WWF Championship Tournament Round One Match - Ted DiBiase def. Jim Duggan (4:54)

Andre the Giant and Virgil both come down with DiBiase. DiBiase tries to work holds on Duggan, but Duggan turns it into a brawl, which is his style of match. He runs the ropes and Andre grabs him by the foot, and Duggan reaches for him and Andre punches him in view of the referee… okay. DiBiase beats Duggan with a fist drop, and Duggan tries to attack them after the match with his 2x4, but they run away.

My Rating: **1/4

Match 3: WWF Championship Tournament Round One Match - Don Muraco def. Dino Bravo via DQ (4:53)

You gotta love those DQ finishes that happen for no good reason. Get ready for a lot of those on this fucking show too. They mostly just brawl with each other, they’re both big, strong guys. Muraco goes for a running forearm, but Bravo pulls the referee in front of him. Bravo tries to pin Muraco, but he’s DQ’d for pulling the ref in front of him. Now that makes sense.

My Rating: **

Match 4: WWF Championship Tournament Round One Match - Greg Valentine def. Ricky Steamboat (9:12)

This match was pretty good actually. It’s mostly basic, but it has some cool stuff in it. It looked like they were about make it a Gunther match because they started chopping each other back and forth. Steamboat is able to keep Valentine grounded for most of this match, but Valentine is to get a lucky win when Steamboat goes for a crossbody off the top rope and Greg rolls him over and grabbing the tights.

My Rating: ***

Match 5: WWF Championship Tournament Round One Match - Randy Savage def. Butch Reed (5:07)

Not a terrible match but it is not good either. Butch Reed beats on Savage for almost the whole thing, until he makes a mistake. Jaw jacking to Elizabeth on the outside. Reed goes to the top rope, but Savage makes it back up and throws him off before going up and dropping the elbow to get the win.

My Rating: **1/4

Match 6: WWF Championship Tournament Round One Match - One Man Gang def. Bam Bam Bigelow via countout (2:56)

A bad match that is at least short but it has a dumb finish. They hammer on each other for a bit before Slick, OMG’s manager, pulls the ropes down as Bam Bam runs on them. The ref starts the count, but Bam Bam makes it back in the ring and knocks Gang down before the bell rings and they only now announce that the referee counted Bigelow out.

My Rating: DUD

Match 7: WWF Championship Tournament Round One Match - Rick Rude vs. Jake Roberts ended in a time limit draw (15:00)

I’ve seen some pretty low ratings for this match, and I think they’re a little harsh because they do some good stuff in this, but I can also see why it’s hated as much as it is. This match went the full 15 minutes, and the way that they get to 15 is gruelingly boring. Roberts has a wristlock on Rude for a while before Rude takes the advantage and he has Roberts in a chinlock for a really long time. Occasionally, Roberts will get out of it and Rude goes back to that chinlock whenever he gets Roberts down. They start picking it up in the last few minutes to kill the rest of the time. Rude gets Roberts in a pin with his feet on the ropes just as the time expires. It’s announced they hit the time limit and Roberts brings his snake out, out of frustration. So because of this, they’re both out and One Man Gang gets a bye to the Semi-Finals.

My Rating: **

Match 8: Ultimate Warrior def. Hercules (4:29)

A match where they show off the muscly men. It’s just these two clotheslining each other. Warrior shows off his power by lifting Hercules over his head and dropping him. A big man match that isn’t anything special. Hercules tries to put the Full Nelson on Warrior, but Warrior does the kick off the corner spot to drop on Hercules and pin him for the win. Hercules attacks Warrior after the match with his chain, but Warrior gets it out of his hands and swings it above his head.

My Rating: *

Match 9: WWF Championship Tournament Quarter-Final Match - Hulk Hogan vs. Andre the Giant ended in a double DQ (5:22)

Hogan and Andre get a bye in the first round, I’m assuming because they were the ones in the match that caused the vacancy of the title in the first place. Andre jumps Hogan as soon as he gets in the ring and they start fighting, but Hogan turns the tide. Andre’s arms get caught in the ropes, but DiBiase and Virgil help him out. Andre squeezes on Hogan’s shoulders and just wears him down for a bit, but Hogan hulks up and he starts to fight back. He teases slamming Andre, but Virgil gets on the apron to distract the referee and DiBiase sneaks up and hits Hogan in the back with a chair, which he no sells. DiBiase drops the chair, Hogan grabs it and hits Andre with it and the ref doesn’t call for the bell, but then Andre picks up the chair and he hits Hogan with it and now the referee calls for the bell. And he disqualifies both of them even though Hogan used the chair first… good god, none of this makes sense. So Hogan chases DiBiase and Virgil up the entrance way, he suplexes Virgil on the floor, goes back to the ring and he body slams Andre. Andre retreats and Hogan poses for forever! Just go away! I don’t wanna see the pythons, I don’t care!

My Rating: *1/4

Match 10: WWF Championship Tournament Quarter-Final Match - Ted DiBiase def. Don Muraco (5:44)

DiBiase comes down by himself because Virgil is hurt. The match starts with Muraco beating on DiBiase, but Ted comes back and works holds on Muraco. He ends up beating Muraco with a hot shot, where he drops his throat on the top rope. So because Hogan and Andre was a draw, DiBiase gets a bye into the finals.

My Rating: *3/4

Match 11: WWF Championship Tournament Quarter-Final Match - Randy Savage def. Greg Valentine (6:06)

Not a bad match, just an average one where Valentine works over Savage for a bit. He doesn’t get distracted by Elizabeth like Butch Reed did. Valentine tries to soften Savage’s legs up for the Figure 4, but when he tries to get it on, Savage pulls Valentine into a small package pin. A beautiful small package as Gorilla Monsoon puts it on commentary. (hehe)

My Rating: **1/2

Match 12: Intercontinental Championship Match - Brutus Beefcake def. Honky Tonk Man (c) via DQ (6:30)

What a shittastic match this was. This was terrible. Honky Tonk Man sucks so bad and Beefcake isn’t much better. Because Beefcake has a haircut fetish he brings a bag full of scissors and clippers with him and he wants to shave Honky’s hair. They wrestle around for a bit until Beefcake puts the sleeper hold on Honky and it looks like he’s about to pass out, so Jimmy Hart gets on the apron and knocks the referee out with the megaphone. Beefcake motions he’s gonna give Honky a haircut, but Hart grabs the bag and tries to run with it, but Beefcake catches him, holds him down and starts cutting his hair with scissors. Meanwhile, in the ring, Peggy Sue (Sensational Sherri with a blonde wig) throws water on Honky Tonk to wake him. The referee comes too also and calls for the bell and it’s a DQ win for Beefcake. What an awful match this was.

My Rating: DUD

Match 13: The Islanders & Bobby Heenan def. The British Bulldogs & Koko B. Ware (7:30)

The Bulldogs bring Matilda down with them and I get excited. Whenever I see a dog, I go absolutely brain dead. I love them to death. The… attire that Heenan wears is very funny too. He looks like he’s about to be admitted into an asylum. Heenan gets tagged into this match and he throws a few kicks to Dynamite Kid, and as soon as Kid lands one shot to his gut, Heenan goes to tag. I did laugh at that. Heenan gets tagged in for a second time for some reason. But The Islanders manage to take down Koko before they go after the Bulldogs. Then The Islanders pick up Heenan and drop him on Koko to get the win. The Bulldogs and Matilda chase after Heenan up the entrance way after the match.

My Rating: **1/4

Match 14: WWF Championship Tournament Semi-Final Match - Randy Savage def. One Man Gang via DQ (4:05)

That’s right, another DQ finish. This match was to determine who faces DiBiase in the finals, so of course Savage is going over. The Gang uses his power to nail Savage for a bit, but when Savage gets a couple shots in, Gang and Slick feel the need to cheat for some reason. Slick tosses Gang his cane and he gets caught trying to hit Savage with it and it causes a DQ. Now why couldn’t they just let Savage win clean here? It would’ve made him look so much better if he had beaten a much stronger opponent who got here on a bye, but nah “this match needs a DQ dammit!” Gang hugs his manager to cry or something after the match because they were stupid enough to get caught. Savage hits an axe handle from the top rope on Gang and Gang crushes Slick as he tumbles over. So now the finals are set. Thank fuck this show is almost over.

My Rating: *1/2

Match 15: WWF Tag Team Championship Match - Demolition def. Strike Force (c) (12:33)

But before we get to that, we have one more match to get through. Yay. This match wasn’t bad, but it’s your average tag match. Demolition work over Tito in there corner for a while, until Tito manages to squeeze by them and tag in Martel. He goes wild for a bit, and he manages to get Smash into a Boston Crab. And admittedly, this finish isn’t that bad. Ax gets in to try and break it up. Tito runs over as fast as he could to stop him. Mr. Fuji hands Ax his cane and gets on the apron. Tito is distracted by Fuji while Ax hits Martel in the head with the cane, and Smash become the new Tag Team Champions. And begin their record setting reign that wouldn’t be broken until 2016.

My Rating: **1/2

Main Event: WWF Championship Tournament Final Match - Randy Savage def. Ted DiBiase (9:27)

At least we end things the right way. DiBiase brings Andre to the ring with him, so Savage has to look out for him during this match as well as deal with DiBiase. Andre gets involved a few times pretty early. When Savage runs the ropes, Andre grabs Savage’s ankle. Savage sends DiBiase outside the ring near Andre and Savage attempts to dive onto him, but Andre shields Ted and dares Savage to jump. Savage gets down and he goes over to Elizabeth, who runs to the back and comes back out with Hulk Hogan in tow. Hogan grabs a chair, and sits down on it at ringside. Savage attempts a diving elbow, but DiBiase moves out of the way and puts on the Million Dollar Dream. Savage gets over to the ropes, but his hand gets slapped away by Andre. The referee reprimands Andre, and while that’s happening, Hogan gets in the ring, hits DiBiase with the chair and gets out. Then Savage goes to the top, he hits the elbow and The Macho Man is your WWF Champion!

My Rating: ***

Cagematch Rating: 3.98

My Rating: 2.5/10

The only thing that this show has going for it is that the right man won at the end. Savage deserved to have a run. But fuuuuuuck, it was a long road to get to that point. I knew as soon as I saw the poster, that I was in for a bad show. Maybe I’m being harsher on this show than I normally would because I’ve seen enough tournaments already in this series, but this was dogshit. It’s riddled with dumb finishes, and lame matches, and they booked 5 extra matches on top of the tournament. NOOOOO! But like I said, this show had a nice ending. That shot of Elizabeth sitting on Savage’s shoulder, holding the title, is iconic.

Up next is another terrible WrestleMania, guys. A show so infamously bad that it’s surprising it took this long to get to it. WrestleMania 9.

 

[Chris]

Yeah that's probably my second least favorite Mania, I agree with Cagematch so far

 

[Jarf]

WrestleMania IX

Wow, what a shitty WrestleMania this was. Start off the show by introducing the commentary team, one of which is Randy Savage, which is astonshing when he was in the main event of the last show I watched, winning the WWF Championship.

Match 1: Intercontinental Championship Match - Tatanka def. Shawn Michaels (c) via countout (18:13)

Good match to start this show. Shawn comes out with Luna Vachon, and Tatanka comes out with Sherri, who used to be Shawn’s manager before he kicked her to the curb. Tatanka was still undefeated at this point, so it’s a bit of a tall task for Shawn. Shawn wears down Tatanka in this match, and whenever Tatanka is outside the ring, Luna sneaks up on him, and Sherri goes over to tell her to back off. Tatanka comes off the top rope and Shawn hits him with a superkick, but doesn’t go for the cover which makes me think this is before that became his finisher. Tatanka begins to fight back, and he gets sent outside again. Shawn attempts to dive on him from the apron, but his face hits the steel steps. The referee is counting, and Shawn sweeps his legs, before he gets back in and gets a body slam from Tatanka, but the ref calls for the bell and it looks like a DQ, but he rules it a countout. The opening match ends with a false finish. I see what they were trying to do here. They wanted to protect Tatanka and keep the belt on Shawn. Then why even bother booking this match?

My Rating: ***1/4

Match 2: The Steiner Brothers def. The Headshrinkers (14:22)

Another good match on this show. Very surprising. The Steiners were legitimately one of the best, if not the best tag team of the early 90s. They start using their power and agility to throw the Headshrinkers off, but the tides turn when Fatu throws Scott outside the ring over his head! They work over Scott for a while, and Scott eventually is able to tag in Rick. Rick goes wild but he ends up eating a double headbutt from both Headshrinkers. Samu picks Rick up for a Doomsday Device, but when Fatu leaps, Rick counters it into a powerslam off Samu’s shoulders! That should’ve been the finish but Samu breaks it up. Scott tags himself back in he hits Samu with a botched Frankensteiner to win.

My Rating: ***

Match 3: Doink the Clown def. Crush (8:28)

Doink does an interview before this match and declares Crush will be seeing double vision by the end of this match. That’s foreshadowing. I feel like most people remember Doink as a goofball who dressed like a clown, and that’s a shame because this Doink is awesome. I believe this gimmick is only a few years after Stephen King’s IT came out, so WWF created their own version of Pennywise. A trickster with a dark side. I love his entrance where he comes out smiling and it quickly turns to a frown and he thousand yard stares the camera. Anyway, this match isn’t good at all. It’s pretty boring, and Crush is in control of most of it. The referee gets knocked down and another Doink slides into the ring and he hits Crush in the head with a fake arm. The two Doinks laugh together before the 2nd leaves and the OG Doink pins Crush as the referee comes to.

My Rating: *1/2

Match 4: Razor Ramon def. Bob Backlund (3:45)

Another not so good match. These two aren’t bad but they just aren’t compatible at all. Ramon was still a heel and he was real cocky so Backlund uses technical skill to take down Ramon. Razor ends up winning with a small package, and we don’t even get to see the Razor’s Edge.

My Rating: *

Match 5: WWF Tag Team Championship Match - Money Inc. (c) def. Hulk Hogan & Brutus Beefcake via DQ (18:27)

You wanna talk about overbooked matches, hot damn this was overbooked. It starts pretty simple and exactly the way I expected it to. Hogan and Beefcake beat around IRS and DiBiase. So long in fact that Money Inc. try to leave and the referee tells the ring announcer that if IRS and DiBiase get counted out, they’ll lose their tag titles. I’m not actually sure if the referee has the power to make that ruling, but DiBiase and IRS run back to the ring as fast as they can and proceed to get tossed around again. Eventually, they manage to take down Hogan, and they isolate him from Beefcake for a while. DiBiase manages to get Hogan in the Million Dollar Dream but behind the referee’s back, Beefcake runs in and puts DiBiase in a sleeper hold and now both Hogan and DiBiase are down. Hogan comes to and he tags in Beefcake. The finish to this match is soooo weird, so dumb. So, the referee gets knocked down, and Hogan and Beefcake both cover their opponents. Jimmy Hart runs in, he tries to wake the ref up, but he gives up. And then he turns his jacket inside out, so now he looks like he’s wearing referee stripes and he counts the three and raises their hands. Another referee runs down and rules the match a DQ win for Money Inc. I’m not sure what, but I’m assuming it’s impersonation of a referee, which is funny. I don’t think it was meant to be funny, but it was. Hogan and Beefcake run Money Inc. and this referee out, and because it’s a Hogan match, he has to pose for 20 minutes afterward. But sadly, this is not the last time we see Hogan for the evening…

My Rating: *3/4

Match 6: Lex Luger def. Mr. Perfect (10:56)

Luger was still a heel and nobody knew it at this point, but he had a metal plate in his forearm, so he’s been knocking out everybody he’s wrestled up to this point. This match isn’t terrible, but is slow and it doesn’t go anywhere. Perfect tries to work over Luger’s leg, but Luger works over Perfect’s back, which isn’t bad. But neither of those come into play in the finish. Perfect tries to pin Luger with a backslide, but Luger reverses it with a backslide of his own, but Perfect’s feet are on the middle rope, but the referee doesn’t see it, so he counts the pin anyway. Perfect argues with the ref and Luger gets a cheap shot after the match with the forearm. Perfect is out for 2 minutes before he wakes up. He chases Luger in the back and he attacks him, only for Shawn Michaels to come over and brawl with Perfect.

My Rating: **1/2

Match 7: The Undertaker def. Giant Gonzalez via DQ (7:33)

I’ve said it already, Undertaker was cursed with having to wrestle big guys who sucked in the ring. And Giant Gonzalez was the biggest and shittiest of them all. This guy was 8 feet tall, and I understand that you don’t have much mobility at that size, but holy hell, he was walking around like he was learning to walk for the first time. Undertaker throws hands and kicks and can’t bring the big guy down and Gonzalez takes the advantage quickly and it is not fun. Undertaker fights back with chops to the throat and punches to the gut, and he brings Gonzalez down to one knee. Gonzalez’s manager, Harvey Whippleman throws a cloth into the ring and he starts smothering Undertaker with it, and commentary says it smells like chloroform. So Gonzalez is suffocating Taker and the referee calls for the bell. Paramedics come out to take Undertaker back on a stretcher, and Gonzalez decides to grace us with his presence a little more by staying in the ring. But then the gong sounds off and Taker comes back out. He hits Gonzalez with 3 clotheslines and he stumbles the giant with the first two and brings him down with the third. Then Undertaker is announced as the winner via DQ. What a shitty match this was.

My Rating: DUD

Main Event: WWF Championship Match - Yokozuna def. Bret Hart (c) (8:55)

Bret starts the match by throwing a running dropkick in the corner, bringing the fight immediately to Yokozuna. Yoko throws Bret off of him before shoulder tackling him, sending Bret flying through the ropes. Yoko tries kicking at Bret from inside the ring, but Bret traps Yoko’s ankle between the third and second ropes, before sweeping his other leg, bringing the big man down. This was not such a bad match. Bret is such a smart wrestler, he realizes he can’t beat Yoko by traditional means. Yoko takes Bret down and he works over him for a short bit. The top turnbuckle gets exposed when Hart pulls it off as Yoko is yanking him off of him. Yoko tries to ram Bret’s face into the turnbuckle, but Bret stops him and rams Yoko’s face into it and Yoko goes down. Bret puts him in the Sharpshooter, but Mr. Fuji is right outside and he throws some powder into Hart’s eyes and then Yokozuna pins him to win the WWF Title.

My Rating: **3/4

But have no fear, our hero, The Hulkster is here. He pulls Bret outside the ring and tries to help him, but Mr. Fuji grabs a mic and says that Yokozuna will put the title on the line against Hogan right now. Now why would you do that? You stupid asses! This makes Yoko and Fuji both look like morons. Yoko for putting out the challenge and Fuji for not advising against it as his manager. Bret gives Hogan the blessing to steal the spotlight from him and Yoko and Hogan runs in.

Impromptu Main Event: WWF Championship Match - Hulk Hogan def. Yokozuna (c) (0:21)

Yokozuna holds Hogan’s arms and Fuji tries to throw more powder in Hogan’s eyes, but he moves and Yoko gets hit instead. Hogan sends Fuji out of the ring before he hits the Leg Drop and wins the WWF Championship. Fuck the new generation, brother. I’m going over, dude. Hogan poses with the title to end the show. Bret Hart can suck it, jack.

My Rating: DUUUUUUUUD

Cagematch Rating: 4.01

My Rating: 2/10

So is this worse or better than WrestleMania 4? I’m going to say worse for a couple reasons. One, Mania 4 at least felt like a WrestleMania. A tournament to crown a new WWF Champion sounds like a big deal. This card did not give me the feeling of a WrestleMania. The best match on the show ended in a countout. It also has one of Undertaker’s worst WrestleMania matches with his absolute worst opponent ever. Reason number 2, at least WrestleMania 4 ended the right way. You got something out of that show. What the hell do you get out of this show. Not a damn thing, that’s what, brother. This show ends with Hogan stealing the spotlight once again. Hulkamania runs wild, brother, dude, jack, brother jack, brother dude.

Circling all the way back to the Attitude Era with Armageddon 1999.

 

[Chris]

Is Armageddon 99 the one where The Kat showed her tits

 

[Jarf]

Is Armageddon 99 the one where The Kat showed her tits

Holy shit it might be

 

[Death By Looch]

Holy shit it might be

Well, 10 outta 10 in that case

 

[Jarf]

Armageddon 1999

Match 1: WWF Tag Team Championship #1 Contenders Battle Royal - The Acolytes won by last eliminating The Hardy Boyz (10:57)

This battle royal only had 8 teams in it, but that’s perfect. Anymore and it would’ve been too much. 3, of the final 4 are Edge & Christian, The Dudleyz and The Hardyz, the three teams who would set the tag team division on fire in the following year and ironically enough, none of them won. The Hardyz should’ve won though, because Bradshaw and Faarooq definitely went over the top rope. But Bradshaw hit the floor at the same time as Matt, and the referee was dealing with that, so he didn’t see Jeff eliminate Faarooq. The finish to this match is pretty sweet. Jeff runs at Faarooq who throws Jeff over his head and over the ropes and Jeff lands feet first and The Acolytes are the number one contenders.

My Rating: **1/2

Match 2: Kurt Angle def. Steve Blackman (6:42)

Kurt had only debuted a month before, so he was pretty green. But this match isn’t bad. Blackman uses his martial arts skill while Angle uses his superior wrestling ability. Angle attempts a moonsault in this match, the first of many that he would miss in his career. The crowd chants boring during this match which is probably one of the only times you will hear that in a Kurt Angle match. Angle wins with a german suplex, but Blackman hits him with nunchucks after the match ‘cause he’s a sore loser.

My Rating: **1/4

Match 3: Women’s Championship Fatal 4-Way Evening Gown Match - Miss Kitty def. Ivory (c), B.B. & Jacqueline (2:53)

Imagine being the best wrestler in your division and losing your title in a match like this. That’s what Ivory had to deal with on this show. How do you even pitch a match like this? So the rules of this match is that everyone is wearing an evening gown and the last person to get stripped out of it wins the match. And they all fight in a pool because of course they do. I don’t know how you make a 3 minute match feel like 10 minutes, but that’s just what they do. Jacqueline is eliminated first, BB is next and obviously, Ivory, the best women’s wrestler at the time, is eliminated last. But of course, if you think The Kat is competing in a match like this and not showing some skin, you’re outta your mind. She takes off her dress, then rips her bra off to expose her censored titties. They aren’t out for long before Slaughter runs up and ruins this horny crowd’s fun. Now, I love boobies as much as the next guy, but what the fuck was this?

My Rating: DUD

Match 4: The Holly Cousins def. Rikishi & Viscera (4:23)

Rikishi does a backstage interview before this match and says he’s gonna do it for all the fat people in the world. Then he loses. Rikishi and Viscera can’t get along in this match for some reason. They toss around the Hollys for most of this match, only for Viscera to hit a spinning heel kick, (it’s not as impressive as you think it is) and he “accidentally” hits Rikishi, and Bob pins him to win. Then Rikishi and Viscera start fighting after the match. Dogshit match.

My Rating: 1/2*

Match 5: European Championship Triple Threat Match - Val Venis def. British Bulldog (c) & D’Lo Brown (9:15)

Not a bad match on paper, but these three can’t seem to get it together during this match. It starts out decently. D’Lo even dives on Bulldog and Val from the inside to the outside. But the match starts falling apart. They botch a couple spots. It’s pretty sloppy all the way through. It was during this match where I spotted a sign in the crowd that said “HHH fears turkey jizz.” The ending spot isn’t bad. D’Lo hits a Lo Down (frog splash) on Bulldog and makes the cover, but Val hits the Moneyshot (another frog splash) on both of them and pinning Bulldog.

My Rating: **

Match 6: Steel Cage Match - Kane def. X-Pac (9:00)

I really liked this match. This was the point in time where Kane had a girlfriend, Tori. She comes down to the ring with him. The stipulation in this match is that Kane can only win by pinfall or submission, but X-Pac can win by both and escaping the cage. X-Pac locks the door shut before he gets in, then he walks to the other side of the ring and backs Tori into the barricade and gets in her face. Kane climbs over the cage and beats the hell out of X-Pac. X-Pac climbs into the cage and Kane gets in too. The middle portion of this match isn’t that good, it’s mostly X-Pac running from Kane. But Kane starts throwing X-Pac into the cage, prompting the New Age Outlaws to run down and cut the chain with bolt cutters. The door is open which honestly, it kinda makes X-Pac look stupid in the finish, but I can’t help but enjoy this. X-Pac handcuffs Kane to the rope, and Tori runs in and gets in X-Pac’s face and eats an X-Factor for it. Then X-Pac climbs up the cage and Kane breaks the handcuffs. He leaves the cage (which remember, he can’t win that way) but he walks over to the front of the cage, X-Pac drops onto his shoulders and Kane throws him back in. Kane climbs to the top of the cage and hits a clothesline from there before he finishes X-Pac with a Tombstone. Even if X-Pac does look stupid here, I liked this match.

My Rating: ***1/4

Match 7: Intercontinental Championship Match - Chris Jericho def. Chyna (c) (10:19)

Another match I thought was really good. Maybe Chyna’s best match. A few weeks before, Chris Jericho broke Chyna’s thumb with a hammer, and when Chyna gets caught in the ropes, Chris Jericho goes after that. He controls the pace for a while, until he goes for a Lionsault and Chyna gets her knees up. Chyna is a little sloppy, but this match is still good enough for me. Jericho takes the top turnbuckle pad off, but when he tries to use it, Chyna turns it around and rams Jericho’s face into it. This was a nice competitive match, but Jericho puts Chyna in a painful looking Liontamer, and forces Chyna to tap out. And Jericho wins his first of 9 (10 if you count New Japan) Intercontinental Title reigns.

My Rating: ***1/2

Match 8: WWF Tag Team Championship Match - The Rock ‘N’ Sock Connection def. The New Age Outlaws (c) via DQ (16:00)

Another not so bad match. Foley starts the match, but when he tags The Rock in, the crowd goes nuts. The Rock tosses Billy around for a minute, but The Outlaws takes the advantage and they work over The Rock for a while, but The Rock makes the tag to Foley and he beats on the Outlaws, but he accidentally knocks down the referee after Road Dogg dodges a punch. Both teams start brawling and Foley puts The Mandible Claw on Road Dogg while Rock brawls with Billy on the outside. But Al Snow runs down and gives Mankind head. The ref comes to and counts, but The Rock stops him before he runs up the entrance way and puts the boots to Al and gives him head. The Outlaws hit Mankind with the ring bell, but Mick kicks out. The Rock gets tagged back in the match and he ends up hitting Billy with a Rock Bottom and as they’re about to win, Al Snow runs down and hits Rock causing a DQ. The Outlaws run away, but Snow eats a People’s Elbow.

My Rating: ***

Match 9: WWF Championship Match - Big Show (c) def. Big Boss Man (3:00)

You’d be forgiven for forgetting Big Show was the WWF Champion at this time. It’s easily forgettable. The build up in this match, Boss Man makes fun of Big Show’s dead daddy and Big Show kills Boss Man for it. This match is basically a squash. Big Show puts Albert through a table, but Boss Man hits Big Show with the stairs while the ref is looking over Albert. Boss Man pins Big Show in the ring and Big Show throws him off. Big Show does a kickup and this crowd is dead silent. They do not care about this match. Big Show finishes Boss Man with a chokeslam to retain.

My Rating: *

Main Event: No Holds Barred Match - Triple H def. Vince McMahon (29:45)

I went into this, expecting to hate it, but I enjoyed this. I’d actually go as far to say it’s the best match of the night. What it lacks in exciting stuff, it makes up for in storytelling. Stephanie is sitting in the front row for this match. Triple H brings a sledgehammer to the ring with him, and when Vince gets in the ring, Triple H tries to take a swing, but Vince throws powder into his eyes. Vince tries to use his wits against Triple H in this match. Mankind brings a shopping cart full of weapons down and tells Vince to use them on Triple H. Vince is breathing heavily, and sweating early in this match so he pretty much stumbles around this whole match. The only drawback for this match is that Vince gets a little too much offense in. All of a sudden, he’s a street fighter? It also does go a little too long. Triple H eventually lores Vince outside to the parking lot, where Triple H tries to run him over with a car which Vince only dodges by climbing over the railing next to him. Triple H proceeds to beat the shit out of Vince for the next 10 minutes. It does go for too long, but the story is still compelling enough here. Vince is fighting for his daughter in this match, so he finds a way to keep fighting. Triple H gets a mic and mocks Vince to Stephanie’s face. They eventually get back in the ring, Vince is bloody, and Triple H goes outside to grab the sledgehammer he dropped at the beginning and goes to hit Vince with it, but Vince gets a last gasp and nails Triple H in the dick with a kick. He picks up the sledgehammer, but Stephanie gets in the ring and says she wants to hit him. But she can’t bring herself to do it. Triple H grabs the hammer out of her hands and Vince runs over to take a shot to the gut, before Triple H hits him in the head. Triple H places one foot on Vince’s chest and he wins the match. Triple H teases hitting Stephanie with the hammer, but Steph smirks, Triple H drops the hammer and they embrace each other. SWERRRRRRRRRVE!!! A legit good swerve actually.

My Rating: ***3/4

Cagematch Rating: 4.11

My Rating: 5.5/10

The first half of this show was a pile of turds. The second half was pretty good with the only exception being the WWF Championship Match. This is a pretty 50/50 show in terms of quality, so I’ll give it a rating somewhere in the middle.

Well that was a nice break from watching bad WrestleManias. But next is another Mania from the same year as this Armageddon. WrestleMania 15.

 

[Jarf]

WrestleMania XV

Should be calling this Russomania, because the Russoisms are all over this show.

Match 1: Hardcore Championship Triple Threat Match - Hardcore Holly def. Billy Gunn (c) & Al Snow (7:06)

Starting with a Hardcore Title Match. In the build up to Mania, The New Age Outlaws basically traded title feuds, so instead of Road Dogg, we get Billy here. Billy actually gets his ass kicked for most of this match until the end. Attitude Era Hardcore Matches are normally chaotic fun, but this was pretty lame actually. Not a whole lot going on in this one. Al Snow brings a table out and sets it up in the corner, and it backfires because Billy ends up putting him through it. Then Billy hits a Fameasser onto Al on a chair and Holly hits Billy with a chair to break it up and then he pins Al instead.

My Rating: *1/2

Match 2: WWF Tag Team Championship Match - Owen Hart & Jeff Jarrett (c) def. Test & D’Lo Brown (3:58)

You may be thinking, “I don’t remember Test & D’Lo being a tag team.” That’s because they weren’t. They were the final 2 in a battle royal to see who would face Owen and Jarrett here, so neither of them like each other and even want to be teaming. They work decently for a couple minutes, until Terri runs down and starts arguing with Ivory, who came down with D’Lo and Test goes outside with them for some reason and D’Lo is pinned in the ring. Test & D’Lo fight after the match. This match stunk.

My Rating: *1/4

Match 3: Brawl 4 All Match - Butterbean def. Bart Gunn (0:35)

Man, they did Bart Gunn so dirty here. So, let me give the rundown on why here. The Brawl 4 All was a tournament where people would have boxing matches, and they would have legitimate fights. But they set it up for Dr. Death to win, which is fucking dumb if it’s shoot fighting. But not only does Bart Gunn beat Dr. Death, he wins the tournament. So what does Bart get for winning? A match with a legit boxer of course. It goes as well as you think it does. Butterbean knocks Bart out in 35 seconds.

My Rating: DUD

Match 4: Winner is the Special Referee in the main event - Mankind def. Big Show via DQ (6:50)

This is another bad match. Big Show beats on Mankind the whole time. There is a moment where Mankind gets Mr. Socko on Big Show for a solid minute, he even hangs on Big Show’s back, but Show falls backward to squash Mankind. Big Show brings 2 chairs in the ring, sets them up and he chokeslams Mankind onto them and the match is a DQ win for Mankind. Vince comes down and lectures Big Show, and slaps him and he ends up getting punched. So Big Show lost, so he’s out and Mankind is taken to a hospital (sorry, local medical facility).

My Rating: *1/2

Match 5: Intercontinental Championship Four Corners Elimination Match - Road Dogg (c) def. Goldust, Ken Shamrock & Val Venis (9:47)

Kind of a lame match. A 4-Way where they tag in and out is what I wanna see. Ryan Shamrock and Blue Meanie come out with Goldust. Val Venis and Shamrock end up fighting up the entrance way and they get counted out. Shamrock suplexes Goldust and Road Dogg out of anger. Ryan trips Goldust by accident, but Goldust turns around to Road Dogg running at him. He goes for a powerslam but Road Dogg reverses it into a small package pin to retain.

My Rating: **

Match 6: Kane def. Triple H via DQ (11:33)

This match isn’t bad, but it’s still nothing special. It starts out good. Triple H sneaks up from behind Kane and low blows him before the match starts. It starts up with a nice brawl but turns into a slow build match. But boy Kane was an agile dude back then. Triple H is outside the ring and Kane dives on him from the inside. Eventually, Chyna, who turned on DX a couple months before and joined the Corporation, comes down and she assists Kane briefly. Kane tries to use the stairs in this match, but isn’t DQ’d for it, even though Big Show used chairs earlier and lost but whatever. Kane chokeslams Triple H, and he goes outside to get a chair, but Chyna says she wants to him. Chyna gets in, grabs the chair and hits Kane! Bet you didn’t see that comin bro! SWERVE! Triple H is DQ’d, then he Pedigrees Kane onto the chair. Chyna has reunited with DX!

My Rating: **3/4

Match 7: Women’s Championship Match - Sable (c) def. Tori (5:06)

Good lord, this match was awful. Even worse than I expected it to be. These two are not great. Slow punches that don’t look good at all. The referee gets knocked down at some point. Sable goes for a powerbomb, but Tori counters… kind of… couldn’t tell at first. She tries to land of her feet, but lands on her ass instead. But Nicole Bass is here and she takes down Tori. Then Sable hits the powerbomb to win, but not before she does the grind for some reason. Good god, let’s move on.

My Rating: DUD

Match 8: European Championship Match - Shane McMahon (c) def. X-Pac (8:41)

Test comes down with Shane, and the Mean Street Posse are sitting in the front row. Whenever X-Pac gets some offense in, Test or the Posse interfere behind the referee’s back. Basically, Shane is only in control because he’s got backup. X-Pac eventually hits a bronco buster on Test, and Triple H and Chyna come down. X-Pac hits an X-Factor on Shane and Chyna gets on the apron as Pac goes for the pin, then Triple H sneaks in from behind and Pedigrees X-Pac! SWERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRVE! BRO! BRO! BRO! BRO! BRO! Russomania is runnin’ wild! Triple H drags Shane over X-Pac and Shane retains. They keep beating on X-Pac after the match and the Outlaws run down to save him but they get their ass kicked too. Until Kane makes the slowest save ever, and the Corporation leave as Kane reaches the ring and he chases them to the back. So, Chyna reunited with DX and then HHH and Chyna turned on DX to join the Corporation. It actually doesn’t sound bad, except for the fact that Kane was in the Corporation. So that match he had with Triple H earlier was pretty much pointless.

My Rating: **1/2

Match 9: Hell in a Cell Match - The Undertaker def. Big Boss Man (9:46)

Wow, this match is fucking boring. I’ve seen some DUD ratings for this match. I don’t think it’s that bad, but it still sucks. They don’t utilize the cell very well, this could’ve just been a No DQ Match. At some point, you wonder why it’s a Hell in a Cell Match. Why, it’s for the post match angle of course… Holy shit, the post match angle. I was surprised that this wasn’t cut out. So after Undertaker wins, the Brood come down from the ceiling and get on top of the cell. They kick a hole through the roof and drop a noose into the ring… Oh my god. Undertaker wraps the noose around Boss Man’s neck, and Paul Bearer raises the cell and they hang The Boss Man on PPV! And Boss Man dies! (Not really, he’s totally fine, he’s probably on Raw the next night) And Michael Cole on commentary says “is it symbolic?!” Symbolic of what?! Undertaker is murdering a man on PPV! Then Cole does the funniest transition I’ve ever seen. We just watched a man get hanged, and he talks about the Rage Party that happened the night before and ends saying “what a show.” What the fuck?!

My Rating: 1/2*

Earlier in the night, Vince McMahon decided to make himself the guest referee in the main event, and he makes his entrance. But Shawn Michaels makes his way down with an actual referee and says that there’s only one guy who can appoint an official at WrestleMania. And it’s not Vince even though he’s the owner of the company. So Shawn says that Vince can go to the back and the whole Corporation is banned from ringside.

Main Event: WWF Championship No DQ Match - Steve Austin def. The Rock (c) (16:52)

And finally, we get to the main event, and the only thing worth watching on this show. This match was just a brawl all the way through. It’s pretty chaotic. They brawl through the crowd, up the entrance way. It’s mostly in Austin’s favor. Austin elbow drops The Rock through the table. A chair gets brought into the ring, and Austin takes a swing, but Rock pulls the ref in front of him and the referee takes the chair shot instead. Ref bump, number 1 bro. The Rock hits Austin with a Rock Bottom, but Austin kicks out. Rock gets pissed and Rock Bottoms the second referee. Ref bump, number 2 bro. Austin hits a Stunner on The Rock, and after Earl Hebner makes his way down, The Rock kicks out. Vince makes his way down next, he distracts Austin momentarily, allowing The Rock to low blow him. Vince gets in the ring and knocks down Hebner, then he and Rock start putting the boots to Austin. That’s until Mankind makes his way down. He hits Vince and he’s going to officiate. Rock hits another Rock Bottom on Austin and doesn’t go for the cover. That comes back to bite him, because he goes for the Corporate Elbow, but he flips Austin double birds before he drops and elbows the mat, because Austin dodges. He flips Rock double birds before he hits the Stunner and becomes the new WWF Champion as Vince nearly has a heart attack on the outside. Austin celebrates with a few cold ones, before Vince tries to take the title from Austin, but he gets punched and eats a Stunner. Austin places a foot over Vince’s chest and holds up the title to end the show.

My Rating: ****

Cagematch Rating: 4.13

My Rating: 4.5/10

Fun main event, but you can’t forgive how shit the rest of the show is. This was a dogshit mania. Boring match after boring match. The show ends the right way though.

Next PPV might be a slightly uncomfortable watch. Vengeance: Night of Champions.

 

[Jarf]

Vengeance 2007: Night of Champions

This show has a bit of a dark aura around it for the fact that this was the same weekend of the Benoit incident. That made it a bit of an uncomfortable watch. But don’t worry, that’s not the only reason this show sucked. Terrible booking also played a part.

Match 1: World Tag Team Championship Match - Lance Cade & Trevor Murdoch (c) def. The Hardy Boyz (8:55)

Not a bad way to start the show, but not exactly a good one either. Cade & Murdoch aren’t exactly the first people I think of when it comes to “starting with a bang.” It’s your average tag match. Cade and Murdoch work over Matt for a while, until he makes the hot tag to Jeff who briefly goes wild. But he’s pushed off the top rope by Murdoch when he attempts a Swanton. Matt goes over to fight with Murdoch while Cade hits a sit-out spinebuster on Jeff to retain.

My Rating: **1/2

Match 2: Cruiserweight Championship Match - Chavo Guerrero (c) def. Jimmy Wang Yang (9:17)

Again, another average match. It is the better of the 2 matches so far though because Jimmy gets to show off his agility. He also bumps very good in this match, including at the end when Chavo sweeps his legs out when he’s on the top rope, and he hits a Frog Splash to Jimmy’s back to get the win.

My Rating: **3/4

Match 3: Singles Match for the vacant ECW Championship - Johnny Nitro def. CM Punk (8:15)

Now for the awkward match… This was originally supposed to be Punk taking on Chris Benoit, but… you know. He never showed up which meant that WWE had to find a replacement and they picked Nitro and this match isn’t very good. Nitro uses rest holds on Punk for a lot of the match, before Punk gets a brief comeback in, before he’s pinned by Nitro. Now what doesn’t help this match is that the crowd chants “we want Benoit.” It makes it super, super, SUPER awkward to watch. That’s not WWE’s fault, their hands were tied here. I can’t criticize them for that. What I can criticize them for however, is putting the belt on Nitro instead of Punk. This crowd is already pissed off that they’re not getting the match that was advertised, why would you piss them off further by not putting it on fan favorite, CM Punk?

My Rating: **

Match 4: Intercontinental Championship Match - Santino Marella (c) def. Umaga via DQ (2:30)

Quick match where Umaga works over Santino for a bit, before he clubbers him in the corner with punches, causing the referee to call a DQ. This does not sit well with Umaga, and he continues beating the shit out of Santino after the match. Maria makes her way down after the beating and tries to wake Santino up. This match isn’t good, but I don’t think it goes long enough to be bad either, so I’m not giving this a rating.

Match 5: United States Championship Match - MVP (c) def. Ric Flair (8:40)

This match does go long enough to be bad and bore the shit out of me. MVP was a good character, but boy he is luke warm at best in the ring. Flair was way past his prime at this point too, so you couldn’t count on him to carry him to a good match. Flair works over MVP’s leg. MVP puts Flair in rest holds. Flair eventually gets MVP in a Figure 4 and MVP makes it to the ropes. MVP pokes Flair in the eye while the referee is backing Flair up, and he hits the worst finisher in the history of wrestling, The Playmaker to retain the title.

My Rating: *1/2

Match 6: WWE Tag Team Championship Match - Deuce & Domino (c) def. Sgt. Slaughter & Jimmy Snuka (6:35)

Out of all the PPVs I’ve watched so far, I hadn’t yet seen a match that made me want a refund for a show I’m watching for free. I want those 6 minutes back, WWE. You owe me that for this match. This might be the worst match I’ve watched so far. Fucking hell. First of all, the fact that they brought in Slaughter & Snuka in for this match goes to show how strong the tag division was at this point. You couldn’t find anybody else to be the challengers? Slaughter comes out here looking like Dr. Eggman and Snuka comes out looking insane… which is normal for him actually. Slaughter and Snuka are so slow and Deuce & Domino were never that good to begin with. But you would still think that the younger guys would dominate most of this match. Nope, they get their asses handed to them by the old men who would break a hip if you breathed on them. Only by a lucky rollup does Deuce and Domino retain. They try to continue attacking the old dudes after the match, but Rick Martel and Tony Garea get in the ring to make the save, and they are much more spry than Slaughter and Snuka. Why couldn’t you get them instead?

My Rating: AHHHHHHHHHHH

Match 7: World Heavyweight Championship Last Chance Match - Edge (c) def. Batista via countout (16:50)

The stipulation going into this match is that this is Batista’s last chance to beat Edge or he won’t get another shot at the title as long as Edge has it. This match was pretty good, but it has a stupid ass finish! Batista starts fast against Edge, trying to get the jump on the crafty champion. But Edge takes control and works over Batista’s arm to slow him down and make it harder to use his power. Edge eventually gets so desperate that he tries to bring in the title, but the referee takes it out of his hands, and Batista rolls up Edge from behind and he kicks out. Batista turns his back and Edge tries to do the same, kickout. Batista goes for the Batista Bomb, but Edge drops down and low blows Batista to get DQ’d. So Edge tries to leave with his title, but Teddy Long makes his way out and makes it a Tag Team Match playa… no that’s a lie. He actually makes Edge go one on one (short pause) with The Undertaker! No I’m lying again. He restarts the match and rules that if Edge gets DQ’d again, he’ll lose his title. When the bell rings again, Edge immediately goes on the attack and he Spears Batista. Batista kicks out, and a shocked Edge goes outside to grab a chair, but he can’t get DQ’d again. They both end up outside the ring and Batista hits a Batista Bomb on the outside. Batista rolls Edge back in the ring as the referee’s count gets to nine and Batista gets counted out a second later. Once again, in true WWE fashion, they make the babyface look worse trying to protect him. Just let Edge beat him! That protects Batista better than making him look like an idiot!

My Rating: ***1/2

Match 8: Women’s Championship Match - Candice Michelle def. Melina (c) (4:25)

This match isn’t exactly bad, but it’s definitely not good. These two aren’t terrible. Melina works over Candice’s back for a couple minutes. Candice makes a come back after Melina takes a tumble to the outside where her hip hits the apron. Candice wins with a running roundhouse kick that doesn’t quite reach Melina’s head. Fun fact, Candice was the first woman to win the PWI Most Improved Wrestler of the Year award. And to be fair, she was much better here than she was in 2006.

My Rating: **

Main Event: WWE Championship Fatal 5-Way Match - John Cena (c) def. Bobby Lashley, Randy Orton, King Booker & Mick Foley (10:10)

A pretty chaotic match. It starts immediately pretty much. Lashley dives on all his opponents to the outside 2 minutes into the match. These 5 are more focused on taking each other out than going for a pin early, which makes sense. No one to break up the pin if you take everyone else out. Cena hits an FU to Lashley through the announce table. Cena eats a Scissors Kick and an RKO and he’s saved both times by someone else. Foley brings a chair into the ring and he takes a swing at everyone. He hits Lashley with a loud chairshot that dents the seat. He hits Booker, he hits Cena. Orton puts him down and hits a punt on Foley. He eats a Spear from Lashley, who then eats a high kick from Booker which sends him out of the ring. Booker is FU’d out of the ring by Cena, who then hits a stumbling Foley with an FU to retain the title. And all the women and children cheer while all the men groan and roll their eyes.

My Rating: ***1/4

Cagematch Rating: 4.15

My Rating: 3/10

I’ve already mentioned that this show had an uncomfortable aura around it because of the Benoit incident. That doesn’t mean it wasn’t already shit because damn WWE really tried to suck all the energy out of you with this show. And the main event may have been fun chaos, but holy shit, WWE had no idea that they were no longer in the Hulkamania days where the fans were okay with one guy being at the top of the company.

But we got more Super Cena coming your way because the next show is from the early 2010s. Over the Limit 2011.

 

[Jarf]

Over the Limit 2011

Heel Michael Cole is the most obnoxious character in the history of wrestling. The fact that we had to listen to him talk on every show, on every event, made for an unbearable watch at times. This PPV is no different.

Match 1: R-Truth def. Rey Mysterio (8:10)

Around this time, R-Truth had turned heel and this is when he goes insane. He cuts a promo before the match about how he couldn’t find a parking space before the show. This match is okay. Mysterio shows off what’s special about him, and Truth is a decent foil. He tries using wit against Rey. He finishes Rey with a move I don’t remember the name of. He grabs a plastic water bottle after the match and he hits Rey in the head with it. BY GOD! THE DEVASTATION! THE CARNAGE!

My Rating: **3/4

Match 2: Intercontinental Championship Match - Ezekiel Jackson def. Wade Barrett (c) via DQ (7:25)

Ezekiel Jackson was like the dollar store, Ahmed Johnson, except worse. Barrett was the leader of the Corre, which was the dollar store version of The Nexus. If I can be perfectly honest, I was so disconnected from this match because I knew what to expect from it. Barrett worked over Jackson for most of the match, and Jackson eventually comes back. He hits Barrett with a body slam symphony, which is like Wardlow’s powerbomb symphony, only nobody in the crowd gives a shit. Jackson then lifts Barrett into a Torture Rack, prompting Heath Slater and Justin Gabriel to run down and attack Jackson. They beat up Jackson together after the match.

My Rating: *1/4

Match 3: Sin Cara def. Chavo Guerrero (7:23)

I actually had no idea Chavo was even still in the company at this time. This is really just a match that showcases Sin Cara’s agility in the ring. And it’s going decently. Sin Cara doesn’t botch a move for most of it, until the end when he botches the most important move of the match, the finishing move. He attempts a tilt-a-whirl hurricanrana, and he doesn’t get his ankles wrapped around Chavo and Chavo has to just fall face first and Sin Cara wins.

My Rating: **1/2

Before the next match, we get a promo from just the man I wanted to see here. Notable prick, Alberto Del Rio. He cuts a pointless promo that goes absolutely no fucking where. He didn’t need to cut this promo, he’s not even booked. WHY IS HE EVEN HERE! He’s here for Big Show and Kane to threaten him when they come out. Del Rio leaves thankfully.

Match 4: WWE Tag Team Championship Match - Kane & Big Show (c) def. CM Punk & Mason Ryan (9:06)

It’s hard to believe that CM Punk was 2 months away from one of the best matches of his career, because they made him look like a bitch in this match. Granted, you can’t have him convincingly dominate 2 guys bigger than him, but they make him look like a nobody. Dollar store Batista, Mason Ryan does most of the heavy lifting in this match, and Punk only comes in when they have the advantage. They isolate Kane for a short bit until Big Show gets in and he tosses around Mason Ryan. Punk gets clotheslined over the rope, and the giants double Chokeslam Mason to retain their titles as Punk cries like a baby after the match.

My Rating: *1/2

Match 5: Divas Championship Match - Brie Bella (c) def. Kelly Kelly (3:46)

This match pretty much speaks for itself because it was like every women’s match around this time. It doesn’t go any longer than 5 minutes and nobody remembers it. Kelly Kelly is a bad wrestler. The Bellas pull twin magic behind the referee’s back and Nikki pins Kelly to help Brie retain.

My Rating: *

The good news is that Michael Cole leaves during this next match. The bad news is that it’s to prepare for a match I have to watch later on the show. Ugggggggh.

Match 6: World Heavyweight Championship Match - Randy Orton (c) def. Christian (16:52)

The only match worth watching on this show. This was fantastic. I don’t care what WWE tries to say. Not, Cena, not Triple H, not Edge are Orton’s greatest opponent. It’s Christian and it’s not even close. Christian brought out the best in Orton in every match they had together. A few weeks ago, Orton beat Christian on SmackDown to win the title, a couple days after Christian won it, after 17 years of scratching and clawing to hold up that title, Christian lost it after 2 days. That’s the story going into this match and the story they tell here is great. Christian seems sure that he’s going to beat Orton as they get deeper into the match, Christian gets more and more frustrated that nothing he’s doing is beating Orton. Christian goes for the sunset flip that cost him the title to Orton after he reversed it into an RKO. Orton is ready to catch him, but Christian waits, kicks Orton in the gut and then goes for the flip and the pin. Christian learning from his mistake. Christian goes to the corner to set up for the Spear, and when Orton gets up, he counters it into a powerslam for a two count. Orton then looks to be going for a Punt kick, but he hesitates, and that costs him because he decides to go through with it and Christian Spears him as he runs at him. Orton kicks out. Christian makes a couple attempts at the Killswitch, Orton counters, he goes for a back suplex, Christian flips over and Orton hits him with an RKO to get the win. Orton picks Christian up after the match, and Christian shoves him away at first, before he turns and shakes Orton’s hand. This was an awesome match.

My Rating: ****1/4

Match 7: Kiss My Foot Match - Jerry Lawler def. Michael Cole (2:58)

Alright, back to shit. Jerry Lawler and Michael Cole had one of the worst matches in WrestleMania history. A rational, normal man would’ve seen that and thought “that was a mistake.” Vince McMahon watched that match and thought, “let’s run it back, dammit!” They had another match at Extreme Rules that involved Jack Swagger and Jim Ross. That was dogshit. So Vince McMahon thought “ENCORE! ENCORE DAMMIT!” In the video package, they play footage from Lawler’s Kiss My Foot match with Bret Hart, giving me flashbacks to another bad show I watched already. Michael Cole tries to get out of this match with a doctor’s note, the referee rips it up and rings the bell. Lawler beats Cole up in a mercifully short match. But the post match is not short. Admittedly, Cole was an annoying piece of shit during this time, so he deserved this, but Lawler brings out Eve (who Cole had been antagonizing for a bit), She moonsaults Cole. Then Lawler brings out Jim Ross, who pours BBQ sauce all over Cole. Cole tries to run away and says he’ll never kiss Lawler’s foot, but Bret Hart’s music hits and he back Cole up the ring and throws him in. He puts him in the Sharpshooter and Lawler puts his foot in Cole’s mouth. And that’s the end of this feud.

My Rating: *

Main Event: WWE Championship I Quit Match - John Cena (c) def. The Miz (24:44)

Wow, this match sucked. This match sucked so much ass. Everybody looked worse by the end of it, even Cena. Anybody who thought that The Miz had any chance of winning this match was a fool and even with Alex Riley out there, I still thought that. Cena was the one who wanted this to be a I Quit Match, but there’s no DQs, which means Miz can’t get disqualified for Alex Riley beating up Cena. This is pretty much a Handicap Match. And for the next 20 minutes. For the next 20 soul sucking minutes, Miz and Riley torture Cena and ask him repeatedly if he quits, only for Cena to say “suck it” or “suck my nads” or whatever. Cena and the commentary are surprised by Miz’s strategy at the beginning and this is an example of WWE insulting our intelligence. Anybody with a brain could’ve thought of that strategy in a match with NO DISQUALIFICATIONS!!! Why wouldn’t Miz do this?! Another reason why this sucks is that this was another ploy by WWE to try and make Cena look like an underdog. And I stand by the statement that anybody who thought that Miz had a chance before or during the match was a damn fool. To be fair, they do try an angle where Alex Riley holds the mic to Cena’s face and they play a recording of Cena saying I Quit. Except that Cena says it so loudly and emphatically that nobody except an idiot could’ve been fooled by this! They ring the bell anyway and announce Miz as the winner, but the referee sees Riley’s phone on the floor, he hears the recording and he restarts the match. Riley tries to hit Cena with the title, but Cena dodges and Miz gets hit instead and Cena puts Riley through the announce table with an AA. Then Cena takes off his belt and gets the only bit of offense in this match. He whips Miz, chasing him up the ramp. He puts Miz in an STF and Miz says I Quit after 10 seconds like a little bitch. And Cena overcomes the odds once again! I am shocked! I honestly think the only reason there wasn’t more outrage after this show is because nobody gave a shit about The Miz or wanted him to be the champion. Out of all the Superman moments Cena had in his career, this might have been the most ridiculous.

My Rating: DUD

Cagematch Rating: 4.19

My Rating: 3.5/10

Orton vs Christian is the one match saving this show from getting a lower rating. That match was amazing and everything else was either easily forgettable or just flat out insulting like the last 2 matches, especially that main event. The gall on these people to try to make Cena look like the underdog.

Up next we’ll be going back to a time from before Cena became the man, but was on his way. Judgment Day 2004.

 

[Chris]

Judgment Day 2004 is a classic, Eddie bleeds buckets and Dawn Marie's gear breaks

 

[Jarf]

Judgment Day 2004

Blood. So much blood.

Match 1: Rey Mysterio & Rob Van Dam def. The Dudley Boyz (15:20)

A decent match to start the show. I have to say, after watching a match where RVD & Rey teamed already in this series, I was a little underwhelmed by this, but to be fair, it was probably one of the first times they teamed together. This is an average tag match where the Dudleys work over their opponents. They work over RVD for a bit, before he makes the hot tag to Rey, who throws the Dudleys off momentarily before he gets the isolation treatment as well. The Dudleys pull the trick where Bubba where distracts the referee while Rey makes the tag to RVD. Because the ref didn’t see it, he sends RVD back out. RVD & Rey eventually manage to turn the tides. Rey hits The Dudleys with a double 619, he dropkicks Bubba out of the ring and Van Dam hits D-Von with a 5 Star Frog Splash for the win.

My Rating: ***

Match 2: Singles Match with Torrie Wilson’s career on the line - Torrie Wilson def. Dawn Marie (5:39)

Kurt Angle blames Torrie for Big Show chokeslamming him off a ledge a few weeks ago so he adds the stipulation that if Torrie loses this match, she’ll be fired. This match is a stinker but my eyes bug out when Marie’s asscheeks get exposed as a result of her gear falling apart. I don’t even remember what the finish was, I was just mesmerized for the rest of it.

My Rating: 1/2*

Match 3: Mordecai def. Scotty 2 Hotty (3:02)

I think, Mordecai’s debut match, I might be wrong. He basically squashes Scotty. Scotty gets 2 moves in, a superkick and a bulldog. Mordecai ends this with a Razor’s Edge.

My Rating: *1/2

Match 4: WWE Tag Team Championship Match - Rico & Charlie Haas (c) def. Billy Gunn & Hardcore Holly (9:49)

You talk about your gimmicks that didn’t age well, let’s talk about Rico. Rico and Charlie become a tag team because reasons and their thing is that Charlie is disgusted by Rico because he’s… gay… Yeah…. It’s not just Charlie either. Neither Billy or Holly want to start the match with Rico. Rico grabs their asses and they both run out of the ring. Get it everyone? Get it? It’s funny because he’s gay. Laugh dammit! Now to be fair, this match does start to pick up towards the end and that’s the only reason it doesn’t get a DUD rating, but most of this match is Billy, Holly and Charlie all being homophobic towards the gay man. It is not good at all.

My Rating: *

Match 5: Cruiserweight Championship Match - Chavo Guerrero def. Jacqueline (c) (4:49)

Chavo has one arm tied behind his back for this match, so Jacqueline goes after Chavo’s other arm. Eventually though, Chavo’s dad, Chavo Classic, unties Chavo Jr’s arm, and while Chavo Sr. is distracting the ref on the outside, Chavo Jr. is beating on Jacqueline with both arms and beats her with a Gory Bomb. Nothing to see here, let’s move on.

My Rating: **

Match 6: United States Championship Match - John Cena (c) def. Rene Dupree (9:57)

This match isn’t that bad. It starts out being a brawl between the two, and the match turns in Rene’s favor early. There’s a spot where Rene is standing on the apron and Cena lunges at him and eats shit on the floor. Rene works over Cena for a bit, until Cena begins to fight back. He misses the Five Knuckle Shuffle, but Rene misses the French Tickler (don’t laugh, I see you laughing. Don’t laugh). Rene gets whipped into the corner and he tries to jump over Cena, but Cena catches him on his shoulders and hits the FU to retain his title.

My Rating: **1/2

Match 7: The Undertaker def. Booker T (11:24)

If the purpose of this match was to make Booker look like a bitch, then call this a success. Holy hell, he gets jobbed out hard in this match. This match is mostly Undertaker beating on Booker. Matter of fact, in the build up to this match, some gypsy or something tells Booker to get some dirt from a grave or something to repel the EEEEEVIL of the Undertaker. Booker throws the dirt into Taker’s eyes mid-way through the match, and Undertaker brushes it off. I’m convinced that that was going to be important, but WWE just lost interest in it, and said fuck it. Booker has useless dirt now. Booker momentarily takes advantage where he works over Taker’s leg for a few minutes, but he can’t hold it for long. Undertaker hits a Chokeslam and Tombstone to job Booker out.

My Rating: *1/2

Main Event: WWE Championship Match - JBL def. Eddie Guerrero (c) via DQ (23:14)

Let me put this match into perspective. This PPV had a TV-MA rating. There was a graphic content warning before the PPV started. And it is entirely because of this match. This was a great match but it’s also one of the scariest matches I’ve ever seen. The match starts intensely. Eddie beats on JBL for a few minutes until JBL takes the advantage. He works over Eddie for a bit, until Eddie accidentally knocks down the referee. Eddie throws JBL over the announce table, but JBL comes back up with a steel chair and hits Eddie with it. We pan over to Eddie who is bleeding profusely. And normally, on a bladejob, you can’t really tell where someone is bleeding from because the blood covers it up. You can actually see the cut where Eddie is bleeding from, that’s how bad this cut is. Eddie is losing blood at a concerning rate. I’ve seen slasher movies with less blood than this match. But this was before the days where they stopped the match to stop the bleeding, so Eddie is just going to continue bleeding from this wound for the rest of this match which keeps going for 10 minutes. Eddie is bleeding so much that this canvas looks like a crime scene took place. JBL hits Eddie with a Clothesline From Hell with the ref down. JBL hits Eddie with a Powerbomb and the referee comes to. And Eddie kicks out. But somehow, even with how much blood he’s losing, Eddie gets back up and he fights back. He’s pretty much out on his feet, yet he’s fighting back! This made Eddie look so fucking cool. Eddie goes to the top rope to attempt a Frog Splash, but JBL dodges and Eddie hits the mat. JBL goes outside, he grabs the WWE Title and a chair. He hides the title behind his back, and the referee takes the chair away. JBL sneaks in with the title behind the referee’s back, but he gets low blowed by Eddie, he drops the title. Eddie picks it up and hits JBL with it in view of the referee who calls for a DQ. Eddie is still bleeding by the way! And yet he continues to beat the living shit out of JBL. He hits JBL with the title again, now JBL is cut open. Eddie hits JBL with two nasty chair shots. Some referees come out to try to get JBL out of there. But Eddie is not done. He chases JBL up the entrance way and he lays punches in on JBL. People have to come out and pull Eddie off JBL. What a bloody war this was!

My Rating: ****

Cagematch Rating: 4.23

My Rating: 3.5/10

This show is similar to the last one I watched, in the sense that it has one great match and everything else is easily forgettable or just flat out bad. I almost put this above Over the Limit, but I’m ranking it below it because at least Over the Limit had no homophobia on it.

Next show is gonna be a little more modern. Fresh off the heels of another batch of releases, and an extremely lazy show with it’s boring ass Raw vs SmackDown story that nobody gave a shit about at this point (Fuck, I’m annoyed already). Survivor Series 2021.

 

[Jarf]

Survivor Series 2021

They spend more time putting over the movie Red Notice than they do this show in the video package at the start. Not even WWE gave a shit about this PPV.

Match 1: Raw Women’s Champion Becky Lynch def. SmackDown Women’s Champion Charlotte Flair (18:13)

This is one of those matches where you stop caring about the poor buildup because of how great it was. This match was so good. I think they realized that everybody was sick of seeing these two fight each other so they go full speed ahead right at the start. They pretty much beat the shit out of each other for 18 minutes and it’s fucking awesome. Neither one of them really ever get an edge over the other either. It’s back and forth for the whole thing. Becky uses the Figure 4 which admittedly wasn’t applied right, but it did allow them to slap the hell out of each other while it was in. Charlotte puts the Dis-Arm-Her on Becky. The match has a sudden ending though that just kinda makes you go “oh okay.” It isn’t bad but the crowd doesn’t even pop for it. Charlotte rolls Becky up and tries to use the ropes, but Becky reverses her and she uses the ropes. This was an intense match to start the show, I loved it.

My Rating: ****1/4

Match 2: Survivor Series Tag Team Elimination Match - Team Raw (Seth Rollins, Austin Theory, Finn Balor, Bobby Lashley & Kevin Owens) def. Team SmackDown (Drew McIntyre, Jeff Hardy, Sheamus, King Woods & Happy Corbin) (29:56)

This match was great too really. Even if it does have one of the most annoying tropes that they do every year at Survivor Series where you have team members fighting. I did find the start of this match funny. Owens and Rollins are fighting over who gets to start the match and Rollins relents and allows Owens in. Owens is hyped, he kicks the ropes, he tells Woods to bring it. And what does he do… he leaves of course. He goes up the ramp and gets counted out. A little bit of time passes before an elimination. Team SmackDown work over Rollins, Theory and Finn in their corner until Finn manages to eliminate Corbin with the Coup de Grace. Lashley gets in their and he starts wrecking Team SmackDown. He hits Woods with a Spear before locking in the Hurt Lock and makes Woods pass out. Woods is eliminated. Then Drew McIntyre gets in there and he and Lashley beat the crap out of each other. They end up on the outside and go into the crowd. But the referee counts them out. They continue fighting for a bit before they’re escorted up the ramp. Finn is the next to be eliminated by Sheamus. So now it’s down to 2 on 2. Sheamus and Hardy, even though they’re a heel and a face show decent teamwork against Rollins and Theory. Sheamus even plays the Matt Hardy in the leap off your back into the corner spot. We go almost the rest of this match without any annoying infighting. Then Sheamus gets eliminated by Theory. Hardy gets back in and he’s the last member standing for Team SmackDown. So obviously, Sheamus clotheslines him before he goes… Why are WWE incapable of doing these matches without team members fighting with each other? So Rollins and Theory double team Hardy for a short time, but Hardy fights from down under to hit Theory with a Swanton Bomb to make it one on one against Rollins. Honestly, this is a pretty good way to end this match. Seth and Jeff go at it for a few minutes before Hardy hits a Twist of Fate, then going to the top rope and attempting another Swanton, but Seth gets his knees up, then he finishes things with a Curb Stomp to get the win. Even with the annoying infighting, this match was good enough that I think it deserves 4 stars.

My Rating: ****

Vince McMahon brings Roman Reigns into his office to talk about his golden egg that was gifted to him by The Rock. They are really building up a Rock appearance on this show with these video packages of him all night as well… Don’t you love subverting people’s expectations?

Match 3: The Rock 25th Anniversary Battle Royal - Omos won by last eliminating Ricochet (10:45)

I really fail to see what Vince McMahon saw in the 7 feet tall, Omos. Wait… 7 feet tall. Okay, nevermind. If Omos was born 30 years earlier, he definitely would’ve been one of the people Undertaker feuded with in the early 90s. Omos eliminates over 10 people over the course of this match. It eventually boils down to him, The Street Profits, Ricochet & Cesaro as the final 5 and the 3 smaller guys only now decide it’s a good idea to team up against the big guy once their numbers dwindle down. Omos eliminates all three of them. AJ Styles gets back in the ring to celebrate with Omos. He goes outside to grab a slice of pizza because they have a Pizza Hut sponsorship. Montez Ford runs over, knocks AJ down and starts throwing pizza into the crowd that people definitely didn’t catch so it lands on the floor and nobody can eat it anyway… Yeah, dumb shit.

My Rating: *1/2

Match 4: Raw Tag Team Champions RK-Bro def. SmackDown Tag Team Champions The Usos (14:50)

I don’t really give enough of a crap to do the math but I’m pretty sure it’s impossible for SmackDown to make a comeback at this point in the show. So now this show has even less stakes than it did before. This match was good, but it doesn’t really ever hit the high gear. The Usos work over Riddle for a while, until Orton gets in there and he goes wild. Riddle momentarily gets back in there and he throws The Usos around. But The Usos turn it back around. They hit double superkicks on Orton and Riddle. Riddle kicks out. This match is ended by one of Orton’s best RKOs. Jimmy Uso goes for a Splash on Riddle, and he hits hit, but Orton, who sneakily tagged in just a little bit ago, hits Jimmy with an RKO in the Splash. Orton pins Jimmy to win this match.

My Rating: ***1/4

Match 5: Survivor Series Tag Team Elimination Match - Team Raw (Bianca Belair, Rhea Ripley, Liv Morgan, Queen Zelina & Carmella) def. Team SmackDown (Sasha Banks, Shotzi, Shayna Baszler, Natalya & Toni Storm) (23:45)

This match isn’t as bad as its Cagematch rating would make you think it is. It was going pretty well… until the last 5 minutes where I definitely lost a few brain cells. Carmella is eliminated by a rollup from Toni pretty much immediately. A little time passes before another elimination is made. Ripley and Shayna get in there and they go at it for a bit. They do some decent stuff. Shayna tags in Sasha and Rhea tags Bianca and the crowd pops. They are ready to see these two fight again. They go at it for a decent amount of time. Zelina ends up getting tagged in, but she gets eliminated by Toni. Liv Morgan gets in there and she eliminates Toni with the Ob-Livion. But in the end, Liv gets eliminated and then Rhea gets eliminated shortly, after the remaining members of Team SmackDown hit her with their moves. So now it’s just Bianca from Raw against 4 members of Team SmackDown. Which leads to one of the dumbfuckiest endings to a match I’ve ever seen! You really had to throw all logic off a fucking cliff to get this finish! So Shotzi and Sasha begin fighting, because of course. Can’t have a Survivor Series Elimination match with infighting within a team. Just can’t do it. So they end up outside the ring, Sasha shoves Shotzi down, and whenever Sasha tries to get back in the ring, someone from her team would pull her down. Shotzi, Shayna and Natalya all prevent Sasha from getting back. On the count of 10, Sasha is definitely in the ring, but they all have a hold of her legs which apparently doesn’t count because the referee counts Sasha out and she’s eliminated… I feel significantly dumber after seeing that happen because how the fuck do you book something so fucking stupid?! This made Shotzi, Shayna and Natalya all look dumber than shit! But it’s still 3-on-1 so when Bianca eliminates them one by one, they all look even worse. They had the match in their hands. Everything was going well and they blew a 4-on-1 lead. Stupid! Stupid! Stupid!

My Rating: **1/2

Main Event: Universal Champion Roman Reigns def. WWE Champion Big E. (21:55)

Now we get to the only match with any sort of buildup. The Bloodline injure and embarrass Big E’s brothers, his compadres, his amigos, Kofi and Xavier in the buildup to this match and they have a big brawl on SmackDown. This match was great. It tells a simple story, but this match was a good way to end the show. Big E. ends up hurting his knee 4 minutes in and that plays into the finish to this match. Roman wears down Big E. for a good 10 minutes, until Big E. fights back into it. But the final several minutes of this match is when this match starts getting really good. Roman hits Big E. with superman punch after superman punch and he sets up for the Spear. He does the ooo wah. But Big E. says fuck your Spear and he’s up and stepping right up to Roman. Big E. turns this into a fight and he starts to rock the Tribal Chief. He hits a running Spear to the outside. Throws Roman back in, who runs the ropes and hits Big E. with a Spear when he gets back in. Big E. kicks out though! Big E. hit the Big Ending and goes for the cover, but Roman grabs the rope to stop the count. They end up going back outside and Roman tosses Big E. into the steel steps, knees first. He hits another Superman Punch on the outside before he throws Big E. back in, but Big E. picks him up for a BIg Ending, but Roman slides behind Big E., kicks his leg out from under him and hits one more Spear to get the win. Big E. lost this match but he made Roman earn this victory.

My Rating: ****

So then we get to the big Rock reveal. Let’s go… oh wait, the show’s over? Oh, okay… Huh. So all that build up was for nothing. Gotcha.

Cagematch Rating: 4.23

My Rating: 7.5/10

4.23 is a little harsh in my opinion. Don’t get me wrong, I was just as sick as this boring Raw vs SmackDown bullshit just as much as anyone. But from an in ring standpoint, this show was really good. This show had 3 great matches, a decent tag team match. This show was a hair away from getting an 8/10 from me… But, was there anybody who really gave a fuck about this show or any of these matches? They had been doing this lame ass “brand supremacy” shit for 6 years in a row. It was fine the first year, and they spiced things up a little bit by adding NXT in there in 2019. But nobody cared. This was just an excuse for WWE to be as lazy as possible in writing storylines. They didn’t want to go through the effort of writing a compelling story at all. And not to mention the fact that they pretty much build up to something that they had no intentions of paying off. They built up The Rock appearing all night on this show. Now to be fair, they never outright said that The Rock would be there, so really, I can’t say that they lied… But come on. The Rock’s 25th anniversary. The show being in the same city he debuted in. They played only a crap ton of video packages of him throughout the night. The tease was definitely there. They knew nobody cared about this card so they had to do something to make people tune in.

This Survivor Series had good wrestling but bad booking. The next show is another Survivor Series which had bad booking and bad wrestling. Survivor Series 1999… Fuck me.

 

[Jarf]

Survivor Series 1999

Let me tell you the story of the greatest Triple Threat Match that never happened. Triple H, The Rock and Stone Cold Steve Austin were the three biggest guys they had at this time. Three men who were ultimately an important part of each other’s history. And they were set to do battle at this event… At least that’s what you think.

Match 1: Survivor Series Tag Team Elimination Match - The Godfather, D’Lo Brown & The Headbangers def. The Dudley Boyz & The Acolytes (9:36)

D’Lo and The Headbangers all come out dressed like The Godfather which is a fun way to start this show. But this match is not good at all. The Headbangers are the first 2 to get eliminated, followed by Bradshaw, who gets himself DQ’d by hitting D’Lo with a chair and then Bubba with a chair because if you think we’re having a Survivor Series Tag Team Match without teams fighting each other then you’re outta your mind, son. Of course, it only gets more confusing because D-Von and Faarooq fight each other to the backstage area and they’re eliminated. Then D’Lo and Godfather eliminate Bubba Ray.

My Rating: **

Match 2: Kurt Angle def. Shawn Stasiak (5:56)

Kurt Angle’s debut match. 10 seconds after the bell rings, the crowd is already chanting boring. They do not care about this match. I’m pretty sure Kurt starts this match as a face and turns heel mid-way through it. He goes outside, grabs a mic and says “you don’t boo an olympic gold medalist.” Which makes the crowd boo him of course. Then finishes the match with an Angle Slam.

My Rating: **

Match 3: Survivor Series Tag Team Elimination Match - Val Venis, Mark Henry, Gangrel & Steve Blackman def. British Bulldog & The Mean Street Posse (9:10)

I’m going to be 100% honest with you guys. I do not. Remember. Anything. That happened. In this match. That’s how uninteresting this was. When a match goes 9 minutes and you do absolutely nothing of note, that is a really bad match. I can tell you the order of elimination, but I cannot tell you what moves eliminated them. The Posse are all eliminated first, then Bulldog eliminates Gangrel and Blackman. Then Venis and Henry eliminate Bulldog.

My Rating: DUD

Match 4: Mae Young, Fabulous Moolah, Tori & Debra def. Ivory, Jacqueline, Luna Vachon & Terri Runnels (1:53)

Thank fuck they didn’t make this match elimination rules. But also, wow, the ego of Moolah truly knew no bounds huh? So after nearly 2 minutes of watching these 8 tumble around the ring, Moolah pins Ivory, the Women’s Champions! Then she holds up the title after the match. Fuck off Moolah!

My Rating: DUD

Match 5: Kane def. X-Pac via DQ (4:14)

This match was on it’s way to being good. But of course, it has a DQ finish. Kane basically obliterates X-Pac this whole match. Kane hits the Chokeslam on X-Pac and goes for the cover, and Road Dogg runs down and pulls Kane off the pin. Kane goes out, beats up Road Dogg. Then goes back in to finish X-Pac. He gets X-Pac up for a Tombstone, but Triple H runs down with the WWE Title and hits Kane with it, causing a DQ finish. Then DX gang up on Kane, causing Tori to run out. She comes up behind X-Pac, who turns and hits her with a spinning heel kick. DX bail before Kane gets back up and Kane checks on Tori. This leads to their much better Cage Match they have at Armageddon.

My Rating: **

Match 6: Survivor Series Tag Team Elimination Match - Big Show def. Big Boss Man, Viscera, Prince Albert & Mideon (1:27)

Big Show attacks his assigned team members on Heat because he wanted to do this by himself. Which seemed unnecessary, he could’ve just told them to go home. This is a squash. Big Show chokeslams Mideon, eliminates him. He chokeslams Albert, eliminates him. He body slams and then chokeslams Viscera, eliminates him. Then Big Boss Man runs away and gets counted out. Which I can’t really say I blame him. Too short to be good, but not really bad either, so I won’t give this one a rating.

So after this match, we go backstage to an interview with Stone Cold, and he’s jumped by Triple H. HHH runs away and Austin follows him into the parking lot. Austin wanders around before he’s run down by someone in a car. An ambulance shows up, they load Austin into the ambulance and Vince goes to the hospital with him.

Match 7: Intercontinental Championship Match - Chyna (c) def. Chris Jericho (13:45)

A decent match, I thought. Jericho was the cockiest of heels and he puts it on full display in this match. He works over Chyna for a while, but Jericho is good enough to keep it interesting. Chyna eventually begins to fight back. She hits Jericho with a Pedigree, and he kicks out. Chyna goes for a Frankensteiner, but Jericho catches her and puts in the Walls of Jericho, Chyna makes it to the ropes. Jericho puts Chyna up on the top rope and goes up with her. But the Kat distracts Jericho, and Chyna low blows Jericho, allowing her to hook Jericho’s arms and hitting a Pedigree from the top rope to retain. Their match at Armageddon was better, but I still think this was pretty good.

My Rating: ***1/4

Match 8: Survivor Series Tag Team Elimination Match - The Holly Cousins & Too Cool def. Edge, Christian & The Hardy Boyz (14:26)

Another decent match, even if it does seem like they don’t know what they’re doing mid-way through the match. Edge is eliminated first via rollup and Matt is eliminated next by a leaping DDT from the top rope by Scotty. Now is when they take forever to get to this one spot. The Hollys team up on Christian in the corner, while Too Cool team on Jeff in the one across the ring. Terri is supposed to get on the apron to distract the referee, but she takes forever to do it. Too Cool get Jeff on the top rope and set up a double superplex, while Hardcore and Crash fight amongst themselves. Christian runs over and low blows Too Cool. Jeff then hits a 450 splash on Scotty to eliminate him. Jeff is eliminated by Grandmaster Sexay by a top rope legdrop, but he’s eliminated by Christian quickly. The Hollys work over Christian for a bit until Christian hits a reverse DDT on Crash to eliminate him. Christian attempts a victory roll on Hardcore, but Bob sits down on him to pin his shoulders to the mat.

My Rating: ***

So after this match, we get an update on Stone Cold. Shane says that he got off the phone with Vince and says that Austin has suffered multiple injuries and he won’t be in the main event. But it will still be a triple threat, just without Stone Cold… What. The. Fuck.

Match 9: WWF Tag Team Championship Match - The New Age Outlaws (c) def. Mankind & Al Snow (13:59)

After finding out that Austin is out of the main event, this crowd is dead. They do not give a shit about this match. They pop for Mr. Socko and that’s it. And I can’t say I blame them. This match is lame. I won’t say it’s bad, but it is so not special. It’s your average tag team match. Towards the end. Mankind gets the mandible claw on both the Outlaws, but they low blow him. Al Snow gives Billy Gunn head, but Billy kicks out. The Outlaws hit Mankind with a Spike Piledriver to retain their titles in a very heatless match.

My Rating: **

Main Event: WWF Championship Triple Threat Match - Big Show def. Triple H (c) & The Rock (16:15)

Weeeeeeell… It’s the Big Show… We went from Stone Cold, the most popular wrestler in history, to Big Show… To be fair, that replacement was going to be disappointing no matter what, and Big Show was an athletic big man at this time. But fuck. I want to rate this match lower because of the frustrating bait and switch, but this was honestly a decent match. It was your typical Attitude Era main event with lots of brawling, but I like brawls so… Triple H and The Rock end up working together against the Big Show and that’s really the only interesting thing they do in this brawl though. They double suplex him through the announce table. The referee gets knocked down and Shane McMahon runs down in a ref shirt. Rock hits a Rock Bottom on Triple H, and he goes for a pin, but Big Show pulls Shane out. The Rock goes outside to fight with Big Show and while that’s happening, Triple H has the WWF Title in the ring, but Shane tries to take it away from him. So HHH hits Shane with a Pedigree. X-Pac and the Outlaws run down to beat down Rock and Big Show, but Vince makes his way down. Big Show takes out Billy with a Chokeslam. Vince hits Triple H with the title and Big Show hits Triple H with a Chokeslam to win the WWF Title… Yay?

My Rating: ***

Cagematch Rating: 4.24

My Rating: 2/10

The last Survivor Series I watched was rated a point lower than this one, a 4.23. I thought that was harsh. This was rated 4.24. I think that is generous. This show hits every checkbox in sucking. Bad wrestling, check. Bad booking, check. Building up to something you had no intentions of paying off. Check! Now, the thing is, Austin couldn’t wrestle on this show. He was going away to have neck surgery, which he honestly probably should’ve gotten 2 years earlier. But WWF knew that for weeks. Yet they continued to advertise him in the main event of this show! And this isn’t just any main event! This is Austin, The Rock and Triple H! That’s a big fucking match! If this were to happen today, this show would’ve gotten fucking obliterated. Let me give you a modern day example of this. In 2016, everybody was so excited when they announced the Shield Triple Threat Match that we had been wanting for 2 years. So imagine how pissed off everybody, including me, would’ve been if they had done some angle where Ambrose got ran over, taken out of that match and he gets replaced with Braun Strowman or Baron Corbin? Oh I would’ve been furious. And so would’ve everybody else. I bet everybody was really excited about this match too. That’ll teach you to get excited about something. Idiots.

Next is another Survivor Series. A very forgettable show. Survivor Series 2013.