Yes your eyes doth not deceive you, I am indeed going to review the premier of the ROH TV show. No, I am not going to shit all over the product like I do TNA because, as far as I can tell from this one show, it’s better in a lot of ways, than TNA. But before I get to the matches, I am going to delve deep into what I know best outside of wrestling, television production.
Quite simply, I was floored by how good this first show looked. Was it as good as the WWE? God no. And are there improvements to be made? Absolutely. But, for the most part, it is as good as it possibly could be from a production standpoint. Right from jump street, the taped intro was damn good. The idea of sticking with a theme of circles or “rings” works really well. It follows the KISS methodology to a T and I was quite pleased considering I had some seen some garbage from ROH in the past in terms of packages. Next, the announcers came on. Now, I know this is nitpicking, but I don’t like guys standing in front of a CG screen with crap behind them. I might have been wrong, and maybe ROH have all that pimp ass production equipment and it was NOT in fact, CG, but the fact remains it looks tacky. You now what it reminds me of? Old WCW shows, and those stand ups Mean Gene would do for Coliseum Home Video. It’s very 80s and its just not the way you want to project a new and fresh project. I would have had them out by the ring making that intro, but as I said, it’s minor.
The announcers themselves were as good as no named announcers could be. They are about on par with Matt Striker and Todd Grisham. That being said, they are better than the pair of Tenay and Don West because Don West is the shits and Tenay isnt good enough to carry a team on his own. I liked that they called the guy backstage a “reporter”. It’s a different title and it does fit quite well. I didn’t, however, like the fact that he was wearing a PINK tie. My god, how gay did that look? But he did a good job back there. He certainly wasn’t the eye candy that the DIVAs are, or the comedy fodder that Michael Cole is, but as a straight(ish) “reporter” he did a good job. Someone tell me, that dude and the younger announcer are wrestlers right? They have tats and look built to go in the ring.
Ok now onto the matches. Before I get down to the specifics of each, I want to say that I think overall, it was a solid show. The workrate, for the most part, was good to very good in places. In general, though, the few big problems I have with ROH shine through in this. The first one is the fact that everyone looks pretty bland. Kenny King came out in a jacket, Delirious had a cool looking mask/goatee combo, Sami Callahan had that punk rock look going and his prematch promo said something about Halloween, and Rhett Titus, well he was your typical loverboy. But Jimmy Jacobs had the best “look” out there, in that it portrayed a character, without him saying word one. I mean there seemed to be only three visible CHARACTERS there like right off the bat, and the rest of them were more like “just wrestlers” or very light on the characters.
Match 1: Jerry Lynn vs. Delirious
I got a kick out of Delirious, I really did. I dig the goatee and the mask. I’ve always loked watching masked wrestlers because the good ones were always more animated because, well they HAVE TO BE, and this motherfucker is no exception. I think he could be dropped into the WWE right now (with a better entrance theme of course. I swear to Christ, if I had to hear one more shitty death metal song I was going to kill myself) and give him just the TIME, fuck he doesn’t even have to win, give him the time to do his thing, he’d get over like gangbusters. And then….and then….and then ROH dusted off old man Jerry Lynn. Seriously? The young mans fed, where the best YOUNG STARS go to prove themselves, throw out in their first match on their first show, Jerry Lynn? Come on!! Not going to lie, Ive seen his matches with RVD and they were good if not too spotty, but you can’t tell me there wasn’t someone else they could have put in this match. That being said, it was a nice little match. It went pretty back and forth. Delirious was the heel, but not by his actions, just because he was clearly a crazy fuck and Jerry Lynn is your clean cut guy who wants to win. There wasn’t a lot of heat in this match but it was a nice exhibition of moves and holds. I did think that the ending should have came a lot sooner, like when Lynn hit that nasty Airplaine Spin/Vertibreaker combo. I mean it ended with a piledriver, and I was like “Really? That move is more devastating than the Vertebreaker?” Anyway, that all being said, Id say it was a solid *** match.
Match 2: Kenny King vs. Sami Callahan
The first thing I thought of when I saw Kenny King was “he looks and talks like Shelton Benjamin” only he is much more charismatic. But I wondered, does he wrestle as good as Shelton? As I said before, Sami has the punk rock vibe going but other than that, he’s got nothing too special. He actually kinda looked like a smaller Samoa Joe but still with a pudge. This was another great exhibition of moves but clearly, Kenny outclasses Sami. He’s crisper, he’s faster, he’s more confident, Kenny is better all around. And just as I thought, Kenny King wrestled like Shelton Benjamin with a bit more quickness. There was a lot less focus on selling and more on bumping, which is indicative of the ROH product. I really think those two could have a great match. In fact, I’m sure if Kenny was in the WWE, he’d be in MITB right now and would be a much better fit than Finlay or that fat waste of space Mark Henry. What I remember most about the match, other than the finish, was this awkward submission hold Sami put on Kenny King. I have never seen it before, and I don’t think I will ever see it again, nor do I want to. It was really just contrived, and I never thought I could say that about a submission hold. Unlike a hold that would later be used to win a match, this was Sami wrapping every appendage he could around some dude to try and make him submit and it just looked dumb, quite frankly. The finish was fun as Kenny King give Sami a knee to the back, sending him into the turnbuckle and then hitting a finisher with a regal name that I cant remember off the top of my head. It looked cool. This was also, a nice solid *** match.
Match 3: Brett Albright vs. Rhett Titus
Rhett Titis, as I said before, is a character to be sure. He’s got that “Heartthrobs” thing going with the goofy fuck glasses and the all white. What makes the gimmick even better is that he’s supposed to be a pretty boy but he’s got these nasty fucking teeth. And Brent Albright, well I cant remember what he said in his prematch promo because it was probably very boring. The match was rather measured but at a faster clip. All of these matches, with the exception of the last one kinda had the same feel. No heat, just an exhibition. The annoying Titus really didn’t do anything but showboating to get heat, and it certainly didn’t enhance the match all that much. The only heel work he did was he got cocky and got caught a few times, otherwise, it was a basic bump bump match. There were a few cool moves. One of them was a top rope gut buster that made me kinda jump up. The end was great because it was a basic fucking move and I love that shit. Once again, just another good solid *** match.
Main Event: Jimmy Jacobs vs. Tyler Black
Now, if anyone looks, walks, talks, and acts like a heel on this whole show, its Jimmy Jacobs. I’m not crazy about the look because it kinda makes him look like an emo douchebag. But he did great heel work. His prematch live promo was great. It made him come off like an egomaniacal messianic assholster. He is the first guy I can look at and before he says a word I can tell he’s a bad guy. This match was the best in terms of psychology. There was shine, there was a good bit of heat, and there was a comeback. The heat came when Jimmy went out and threw a bunch of chairs into the ring. As Tyler turned his back (the fatal mistake of a face) he got jumped on and they went straight to heat. I don’t really recall much in terms of the moves from this match but I do know it was solid and the best match of the night. ***1/2
Ok, now its time for my one big complaint about this whole show. Uhh, WHERE THE FUCK WAS YOUR CHAMPION!? Seriously, Nigel McGuinness is probably the best thing ROH has going for it and he wasn’t even on the fucking show. I can not believe this. Its your first show on TV, and forget about the fact that he is more entertaining than anyone else you have (at least in the ring), HE IS THE STANDARD BEARER OF THE COMPANY. He holds the prize everyone else wants, and you’re not going to show him? Not a promo, not a package, not a match, NOTHING!? This is straight up bush league. This is as bad as Sting being emasculated as TNA Champion and the WWE having the champion be in the first segment and that’s it. It makes no sense and it hurts your product as a whole. I know, Nigel was on the next show, but that doesn’t matter. Can someone give me one good reason why Nigel SHOULDN’T be there?
Ok, and on that nice note, that will do it for this mini No Smark Zone. The next time you will see me is after Wrestlemania, where I will hopefully be reviewing a great show. See you then!
Quite simply, I was floored by how good this first show looked. Was it as good as the WWE? God no. And are there improvements to be made? Absolutely. But, for the most part, it is as good as it possibly could be from a production standpoint. Right from jump street, the taped intro was damn good. The idea of sticking with a theme of circles or “rings” works really well. It follows the KISS methodology to a T and I was quite pleased considering I had some seen some garbage from ROH in the past in terms of packages. Next, the announcers came on. Now, I know this is nitpicking, but I don’t like guys standing in front of a CG screen with crap behind them. I might have been wrong, and maybe ROH have all that pimp ass production equipment and it was NOT in fact, CG, but the fact remains it looks tacky. You now what it reminds me of? Old WCW shows, and those stand ups Mean Gene would do for Coliseum Home Video. It’s very 80s and its just not the way you want to project a new and fresh project. I would have had them out by the ring making that intro, but as I said, it’s minor.
The announcers themselves were as good as no named announcers could be. They are about on par with Matt Striker and Todd Grisham. That being said, they are better than the pair of Tenay and Don West because Don West is the shits and Tenay isnt good enough to carry a team on his own. I liked that they called the guy backstage a “reporter”. It’s a different title and it does fit quite well. I didn’t, however, like the fact that he was wearing a PINK tie. My god, how gay did that look? But he did a good job back there. He certainly wasn’t the eye candy that the DIVAs are, or the comedy fodder that Michael Cole is, but as a straight(ish) “reporter” he did a good job. Someone tell me, that dude and the younger announcer are wrestlers right? They have tats and look built to go in the ring.
Ok now onto the matches. Before I get down to the specifics of each, I want to say that I think overall, it was a solid show. The workrate, for the most part, was good to very good in places. In general, though, the few big problems I have with ROH shine through in this. The first one is the fact that everyone looks pretty bland. Kenny King came out in a jacket, Delirious had a cool looking mask/goatee combo, Sami Callahan had that punk rock look going and his prematch promo said something about Halloween, and Rhett Titus, well he was your typical loverboy. But Jimmy Jacobs had the best “look” out there, in that it portrayed a character, without him saying word one. I mean there seemed to be only three visible CHARACTERS there like right off the bat, and the rest of them were more like “just wrestlers” or very light on the characters.
Match 1: Jerry Lynn vs. Delirious
I got a kick out of Delirious, I really did. I dig the goatee and the mask. I’ve always loked watching masked wrestlers because the good ones were always more animated because, well they HAVE TO BE, and this motherfucker is no exception. I think he could be dropped into the WWE right now (with a better entrance theme of course. I swear to Christ, if I had to hear one more shitty death metal song I was going to kill myself) and give him just the TIME, fuck he doesn’t even have to win, give him the time to do his thing, he’d get over like gangbusters. And then….and then….and then ROH dusted off old man Jerry Lynn. Seriously? The young mans fed, where the best YOUNG STARS go to prove themselves, throw out in their first match on their first show, Jerry Lynn? Come on!! Not going to lie, Ive seen his matches with RVD and they were good if not too spotty, but you can’t tell me there wasn’t someone else they could have put in this match. That being said, it was a nice little match. It went pretty back and forth. Delirious was the heel, but not by his actions, just because he was clearly a crazy fuck and Jerry Lynn is your clean cut guy who wants to win. There wasn’t a lot of heat in this match but it was a nice exhibition of moves and holds. I did think that the ending should have came a lot sooner, like when Lynn hit that nasty Airplaine Spin/Vertibreaker combo. I mean it ended with a piledriver, and I was like “Really? That move is more devastating than the Vertebreaker?” Anyway, that all being said, Id say it was a solid *** match.
Match 2: Kenny King vs. Sami Callahan
The first thing I thought of when I saw Kenny King was “he looks and talks like Shelton Benjamin” only he is much more charismatic. But I wondered, does he wrestle as good as Shelton? As I said before, Sami has the punk rock vibe going but other than that, he’s got nothing too special. He actually kinda looked like a smaller Samoa Joe but still with a pudge. This was another great exhibition of moves but clearly, Kenny outclasses Sami. He’s crisper, he’s faster, he’s more confident, Kenny is better all around. And just as I thought, Kenny King wrestled like Shelton Benjamin with a bit more quickness. There was a lot less focus on selling and more on bumping, which is indicative of the ROH product. I really think those two could have a great match. In fact, I’m sure if Kenny was in the WWE, he’d be in MITB right now and would be a much better fit than Finlay or that fat waste of space Mark Henry. What I remember most about the match, other than the finish, was this awkward submission hold Sami put on Kenny King. I have never seen it before, and I don’t think I will ever see it again, nor do I want to. It was really just contrived, and I never thought I could say that about a submission hold. Unlike a hold that would later be used to win a match, this was Sami wrapping every appendage he could around some dude to try and make him submit and it just looked dumb, quite frankly. The finish was fun as Kenny King give Sami a knee to the back, sending him into the turnbuckle and then hitting a finisher with a regal name that I cant remember off the top of my head. It looked cool. This was also, a nice solid *** match.
Match 3: Brett Albright vs. Rhett Titus
Rhett Titis, as I said before, is a character to be sure. He’s got that “Heartthrobs” thing going with the goofy fuck glasses and the all white. What makes the gimmick even better is that he’s supposed to be a pretty boy but he’s got these nasty fucking teeth. And Brent Albright, well I cant remember what he said in his prematch promo because it was probably very boring. The match was rather measured but at a faster clip. All of these matches, with the exception of the last one kinda had the same feel. No heat, just an exhibition. The annoying Titus really didn’t do anything but showboating to get heat, and it certainly didn’t enhance the match all that much. The only heel work he did was he got cocky and got caught a few times, otherwise, it was a basic bump bump match. There were a few cool moves. One of them was a top rope gut buster that made me kinda jump up. The end was great because it was a basic fucking move and I love that shit. Once again, just another good solid *** match.
Main Event: Jimmy Jacobs vs. Tyler Black
Now, if anyone looks, walks, talks, and acts like a heel on this whole show, its Jimmy Jacobs. I’m not crazy about the look because it kinda makes him look like an emo douchebag. But he did great heel work. His prematch live promo was great. It made him come off like an egomaniacal messianic assholster. He is the first guy I can look at and before he says a word I can tell he’s a bad guy. This match was the best in terms of psychology. There was shine, there was a good bit of heat, and there was a comeback. The heat came when Jimmy went out and threw a bunch of chairs into the ring. As Tyler turned his back (the fatal mistake of a face) he got jumped on and they went straight to heat. I don’t really recall much in terms of the moves from this match but I do know it was solid and the best match of the night. ***1/2
Ok, now its time for my one big complaint about this whole show. Uhh, WHERE THE FUCK WAS YOUR CHAMPION!? Seriously, Nigel McGuinness is probably the best thing ROH has going for it and he wasn’t even on the fucking show. I can not believe this. Its your first show on TV, and forget about the fact that he is more entertaining than anyone else you have (at least in the ring), HE IS THE STANDARD BEARER OF THE COMPANY. He holds the prize everyone else wants, and you’re not going to show him? Not a promo, not a package, not a match, NOTHING!? This is straight up bush league. This is as bad as Sting being emasculated as TNA Champion and the WWE having the champion be in the first segment and that’s it. It makes no sense and it hurts your product as a whole. I know, Nigel was on the next show, but that doesn’t matter. Can someone give me one good reason why Nigel SHOULDN’T be there?
Ok, and on that nice note, that will do it for this mini No Smark Zone. The next time you will see me is after Wrestlemania, where I will hopefully be reviewing a great show. See you then!
