Next Generation Wrestling - Ongoing Card & Results Thread - The Old Man Next Door Thinks His House Is Haunted

[Jazz Wolf]

Who the heck authorized this to keep going? I need names. We open on a crowd of eager fans, in whatever arena we're in, for nGw's return! We pan over several signs at ringside supporting some of the pre-announced compeditors in tonight's main event, including Heidi Blackthorn, 'The Maltese Falcon' Alejandro Giunti, and Who?, before turning to Broc Lobster & Danielle Kennedy.

Broc Lobster: Hello everyone! You’re watching Next Generation Wrestling, where the stars of tomorrow take flight, TODAY! I’m the Crustacean Sensation, Broc Lobster-

Danielle Kennedy: -And I’m Five O’Clock on a Friday, Danielle Kennedy! Welcome to nGw: Battle Royal with Cheese! Weird name. We’re airing live on the WS Network, after a few months off to recharge, and where are we airing from, Broc?

Broc Lobster: Not a clue. I want to say… South Dakota? Let’s go with that. We’ve got a special show for you tonight folks - over a dozen fresh and exciting new wrestlers debut in our main event, in a match to determine the next challenger to Stu Grimes’ nGw Championship!

Danielle Kennedy: Is Stu Grimes still alive? … Anyway. Throughout the night, we’re going to be introduced to a bunch of new wrestlers debuting in our main event, along with brief recaps of the current title scene in nGw. For now, let’s go backstage with Bell Connelly, as she provides an update on the nGw Champion, Stu Grimes.

We fade in on, what seems to be a VERY fancy-looking office...like too fancy looking. Almost obnoxiously so, with pink and blue accents lighting up the room, various title belts hanging up pride of place, some princess peach, Disney and SpongeBob characters hanging up, but pride of place is a VERY tall oil painting of a young woman with s bleach blond hair and blue eyes. She maybe WOULD be considered beautiful if it wasn't for that gleam in her eye that seemed to scream 'I'm not all there.' dressed in an old school smoking jacket, holding a Sherlock Holmes like pipe, reclining back in front of an oak desk, the camera pans down to reveal... That exact woman, in the exact same pose. Holding the exact same pipe.

Bell Connelly: Oh, Hello, there. I absolutely saw you come in. Relax. Take off your shoes. Take some deep breaths, and remember, You're nice, and everyone likes you. Anyone who doesn't like you is a smelly loser. But if you don't like someone else, you're absolutely right. In fact, you're the only person that exists, I'm just a figment of your imagination, I don't live outside these shows and when you look away I vanish forever. Imagine a nice cool waterfall, where's the waterfall going? It's going to your happy place; your happy place is inside of your heart, your heart's function is to pump blood, so when you really think about it all waterfalls are really blood falls. BLOOD. BLOOD. BLOOD... Are you relaxed yet?

Well, I don't know about you but I don't think she should be starting an ASMR channel any time soon.

Bell Connelly: To the uninitiated, you're no doubt thinking "Who is the blond vision of loveliest, I daren't make eye contact with such a divine being lest my eyes implode knowing they will never stare at any radiant ever again? Well, you can call me Mr. Bubbles. You can, but you probably shouldn't because my name is Bell Connelly. Oh, I'm no one special. Just the greatest, most charismatic show women the world has ever seen. No biggie. Hey, did you guys know we had a women's championship? Do you know what happened to it? Fun Fact, they retired it because it turns out I was REALLY REALLY good at defending it. 664 days. Two. Years. Let's see, what else... I'm a Hall of Famer and a part of the ELITE sisterhood in pro wrestling to win the FWA World Heavyweight championship. It's just me...Shannon, Gabby and- Um...

A frown comes to Bell's features as she starts snapping her fingers, hoping to spark the memory of that last name.

Bell Connelly: God, what was that name again? I can never put my finger on it... It's too unimportant, forgettable, and just not memorable enough to remember besides a vague connection to me... Aw well... Point is, among my MANY, MANY, MANY, talents, I've been known for my giving nature. Recently I've been giving back to FWA by presenting you, the stars of tomorrow, TODAY with our developmental show.... NGW.

With one free hand, she reaches into her desk and from within it, is loose glitter which she throws in the air, as if to underline how much joy those letters should give us, while most of us wonder '...Does she have an entire draw full of glitter?' The answer is likely yes.

Bell Connelly: Y'know, people come up to me and say 'Bell, NGW is great and all but isn't it a little silly? If we're building FWA talent for the future, shouldn't it be a little bit less whacky?' To which I reply, 'SHUT UP. QUIT THAT CRAZY JIBBER JABBER, I WILL FIND YOU, TRACK YOU DOWN AND HIDE IN A TREE BESIDE YOUR HOUSE DRESSED AS A CROW AND POUNCE ON YOU WHEN YOU LEAST SUSPECT IT-! CAW! CAW!'

Those all-American baby blues stare right into the camera, as she leans forward, malice dripping off every word she says, before like someone has flipped a switch in her head, she leans back, and that warm and welcoming smile returns like it never went away. Yep. This chick was nuts, point of interest; we see the jacket she's wearing has a phrase stitched into it 'Property of Jasmine Perlot.'

Bell Connelly: Now, recently, NGW has been having a little whoopsie daisy time, what with people thinking our NGW champ was killed off in the first show after BIB, but those people are WRONG. I'm pleased to report Stu Grimes is alive and well, and what you guys actually saw, was a super impressive MAGIC trick. An Illusion, ohhhhhhh spooky. Turns out Stu is quite the magician; for example, he's changed his appearance, and might look, sound and act like someone entirely different, and at times it might LOOK like he's someone else but remember, it absolutely Stu Grimes. Oh, and there is the fact our network closed down. Big ol' WHOOPIE there; they told me, it was because they couldn't afford to run it anymore.

She pauses to shrug her shoulders, and while she does, the camera pans out to reveal Bell is sat next to what appears to be a solid gold statue of herself encrusted with all manner of sparkling diamonds, emeralds and sapphires, and spelt out in said diamonds is the legend 'MVH HAS A BUTT FACE. SHE HAS A BUTT FOR A FACE. MICHELLE VON BUTTFACE.'

Bell Connelly: I blame the economy.

Yep.

Bell Connelly: But after talking to the fancy people, we are BACK. LIVE AND KICKING, and to celebrate, I give you... I can't remember the name of this show, Nolee insert something witty in post-production, thanks. I've opened the doors to independent talent all over the world like my name was Bell Wonka, giving them the chance to impress me enough to give them a shiny new NGW contract... All you got to do? IS SURVIVE THE RING OF FIRE! Tonight, the ring will be set on fire while the mat spins faster and faster; only the strong will survive THE RING OF FIRE. FIRE WIL-

It was just then another woman dressed in a smart casual jacket and carrying a clipboard runs into the scene and mutters something in Bell's ear.

Bell Connelly: What?!

Nolee LaCroix whispers in her ear again.

Bell Connelly: Urg, Health and Safety, those guys are SO lame. Can we at least have the mat spin?

Nolee LaCroix whispers in her ear for a third time.

Bell Connelly: Whadduya mean impractical?! I'm trying to provide cutting-edge innovative wrestling concepts, and everyone is so hung up on 'Heath and safety.'

Bell says those last three words with quotation mark fingers and a sarcastic tone, in case you couldn't pick up on it.

Bell Connelly: Fine, I guess we can just do one of those battle royales? They're fun. Cool? Cool. Coolcoolcool.

She smiles at the woman, and the woman smiles back... Until-

Bell Connelly: UM, WHAT ARE YOU DOING JUST STANDING THERE NOLEE?! THE SHOW IS ABOUT TO START IN FIVE MINUTES, ROUND UP THE TALENT. ALLER VITE! VOLE MA JOLIE MOUCHE!

With no small about of sudden bemusement at another signature mood shift from the unpredictable Bell Connelly. Nolee LaCroix rushes out of frame to presumingly tell the locker room what's happening, meanwhile, the camera focuses on Bell as she takes a pull from the comically oversized pipe. Bubbles come out.

Bell Connelly: Man, I'm good at this job.

We fade to black...

… then we return from black, outside an ominous door marked ‘Director of Internal Affairs.’ Bell’s sitcom arch-rival herself, Jasmine Perlot, looking like Cruella De Ville if she had a casual hobby in something as begign as human trafficking. Smug and vain, she lights a cigar with a wad of one-hundred dollar bills.

Jasmine Perlot: Of course they’re not getting the nGw champion back, Stu’s dead. Don’t be daft. Bell’s being too stupid to just recoup her losses, if you didn’t need another indicator of her financial idiocy.

Beside her, her valued assistant and entree in tonight’s Battle Royal Main Event, Monica Masters, nods while writing this down.

Jasmine Perlot: Bell’s regime is one step away from bust, Monica. You know, when I was a young lady, I went through a mermaid phase, so I had my nanny surgically changed to look more like a mermaid. As soon as she had the fin put in, I grew out of it, so I fired her for looking like a freak.

There’s a brief pause. Perlot stubs out her cigar on the backside of a passing staff member.

Jasmine Perlot: The point is, Monica, I don't tolerate failure. Not from Bell, not from my children, and most certainly not from you. Don’t embarrass me and my brand in tonight’s Battle Royal, Monica. There’s too many… Variables, and if I want this blasted project to turn a profit, I need that nGw Championship on someone reliable. Someone I can count on. Someone who will do as I say without question. Stop writing this down, I didn’t tell you to write this down!

Monica Masters pauses her note-taking, her pen hovering anxiously above her clipboard. Jasmine lights up another cigar.

Jasmine Perlot: Now write that down.

Monica Masters resumes her writing.

\~|~/

We cut to a vignette. It’s an apartment, covered in the remains of one banger party. Discarded cans, blunts of half-smoked you-know what, a dozen people passed out in various stages of undress.

From within the mountain of mess, a man stirs awake. Long black shaggy hair, a trail of stubble, and dried spit mark his features. He groans, pressing a palm against his eyes. Clearly, this man is hungover to hell and back. He needs some water, or some coffee, or-

He instead flicks a stereo next to his bed, and heavy metal SCREAMS through the room.

~IT’S TIME TO PARTY, LET’S PARTY~

The sleeping figures around him slowly stir to life, as the man starts headbanging his way to breakfast. He passes a note pinned to the fridge with a magnet of his own face.

nGw tryout
January something
Party On

~ The Dude

With that, we cut to black…

\~|~/

… And fade in on our next vignette. There’s going to be a lot of vignettes this show, so get used to it. We have a man, framed in shadow. We can’t see his face of his defining features, but we CAN see he has taped fists. You know what that means!

…

Anyway. The camera catches the glint of gold and certificates on the wall behind him, noting some kind of technically skilled background. All in the name of BENJAMIN FOSTER. This is a man who clearly know how to take people apart, piece by piece. A killer in the ring.

From off screen, someone throws a bag at the man.

Bell Connelly: Suit up, Benny! Hop to it!

With clear hesitation and existential dread, Benjamin Foster opens up the bag, and pulls out a giant bunny rabbit head, the kind you’d see during easter. He sighs.

Bright pink text flashes on the screen.

BENNY THE RABBIT
Hip-and-hopping his way to the ring!

We cut to black, not before the sound of Benjamin Foster’s anguished sobs echo, clearly not happy with this gimmick.

\~|~/

And we once again return from black, to a third vignette! This is a YouTube video, entitled ‘Look at this silly bird lol.’ In this video, a bird has it’s head stuck in a McDonald’s chip cup. The person recording the video is giggling nonstop. Why are we watching this? Surely th-

Christ it has 9.2 million views and it was only uploaded last week.

As the video comes to a close, text appears on the screen.

Thxs 4 watchin SILLY BIRDS!!! Watch me debut in @nGw!!! Love, K@te!!!

\~|~/

Back in the ring, the crowd suddenly explodes into ENORMOUS SCREAMS OF JOY at the sight of a middle-aged man with vampire teeth making Dubstep noises with his mouth as he grooves down to the ring.

Danielle Kennedy: STEVE THE TECHNO VAMPIRE! Main roster STAR, Steve the Techno Vampire, is making his way to the nGw ring!

Broc Lobster: So he is! As a sign of good faith, FWA officials have allowed two of FWA’s finest main roster combatants to step into the ring here and show everyone backstage what’s waiting for them when they get the main roster call.

Danielle Kennedy: Amazing! Are we getting another exciting chapter of Steve the Techno Vampire vs Ratin Mikichin?

Broc Lobster: You’re damn right, Danielle!

Indeed! Ratin Mikichin soon joins Steve the Techno Vampire in the ring, eager to gain a win over his rival, in an old stage. The bell rings, and the match begins!
​

Steve the Techno Vampire vs Ratin Mikichin

In a strange inversion of the main roster crowds, the captive audience for Steve vs Ratin is HOT HOT HOT for this encounter! I’m honestly not sure why. Steve & Ratin do little more than sloppy punches and poorly-sequenced holds, but the crowd just… Eats it up. They’re rock stars tonight, putting on a terrible match that gets treated like a five-star encounter.

Soon, the action spills to the outside. Ratin throws Steve against the guardrail, then turns, motioning for the stinkface! He hikes up his mankini - god help the poor lass who got a front row seat to this - and backs it up!

But Steve ducks out of the way! Ratin backs up, his bare cheeks meeting the cold unforgiving steel! It's winter, so the bare skin contacting with cold steel is instantly stuck on ice! We've all seen those winter movies where a kid gets their tongue stuck to a pole. Don't ask why his ass cheeks are so moist, they just are. He squeals in anguish! Steve points and laughs! Ratin tries to pull himself away from the guardrail, but his cheeks are stuck! Steve taunts him, slapping him several times, then turns as the referee reaches seven. But Ratin grabs him by the hair, holding and preventing him from entering the ring! Eight count! Steve struggles! Nine! Steve breaks the hold and makes a mad dash to the ri-TEN!

Draw - No winner - Double countout​

Steve the Techno Vampire slaps the ring in frustration, while Ratin asks for some warm water for his... Predicament. What a shitshow.

Danielle Kennedy: What a blockbuster!

You're kidding me right?

Broc Lobster: A nailbiter for sure! Ratin Mikichin and Steve the Techno Vampire are too evenly matched! Looks like this rivalry will continue, and I for one think we're all for the better because of it. Thank you to the main roster for allowing nGw to be a part of this history rivalry!

Let's just... Move on.

\~|~/

Look at the time, it’s time for another vignette for another debut in tonight’s Battle Royal! Here, we have a big tall brick shithouse of a man, doing pushups in a hoodie, whil-

???: HI, I’M LUIGI MACCHIATO!

Jesus christ man don’t get so close to the camera. Instead of the obvious athlete, our attention is instead drawn to a blotchy, sweaty man, holding a canister of coffee. He keeps shaking, as he takes another sip of coffee.

Luigi Macchiato: AND I GOT ME A PRIZEFIGHTER! A REAL SPECIMEN OF AN ASSKICKER!

He spoke so fast, if it wasn’t for some convenient subtitles we won’t have a clue what he’s saying.

Luigi Macchiato: SEE, TOWERBLOCK BRUNO BACK HERE, heh. HE AND I ARE SOMETHING OF A COMBO DEAL, YA SEE? WHERE HE GOES, I GO, AND WHERE I GO, HE GOES. AND WE’RE GOING TO NGW, AND BROTHER WE’RE TAKING IT ALL! AIN’T THAT RIGHT, BRUNO?!?

Towerblock Bruno doesn’t seem to notice Lugi, as he continues doing pushups. He grunts once, whether that is in recognotion of Luigi or his own excercise, no-one knows.

Luigi Macchiato: HE DON'T TALK IN EXCESS, BUT WHAT HE DOES DO IN EXCESS IS KICK ASS AND TAKE NAMES! FIND OUT TONIGHT!

We fade to black…

\~|~/

Here's a recap of the nGw Tag Team Championships scene. We Do Exist! have retained their belts against The Alchemists, and are set to defend their belts against The Lumberjacks, and The Internet Anti-H8 Squad. Meanwhile, Toxic Wonderland & Crimson Knights are scheduled to face off next week for no.1 contendership! And yet, Kung-Fu Boom lurks on the sidelines…

\~|~/

This vignette is short, sweet, and too the point.

A burly, heft man brandishes a pair of scissors menacingly.

???: The Barbershop… Is open.

A laugh echoes, as we fade to black…

\~|~/

Y’all know what time it is, it’s time for another vignette! Where are we this t-OH GOD EVERYTHING IS ON FIRE.

We’re in a kitchen?!? There’s fire everywhere and people are screaming?!? But they’re not screaming because of the fire, oh no, they’re screaming of the big hulked out man screaming obscenities. Which, y’know, comparatively speaking- anyway.

???: YOU CALL THIS A SOUFLE?!? I’VE SEEN BETTER SOUFLES IN DETROIT, MICHIGAN! YOU HEAR ME?!? DETROIT!!!

Oh wow. He’s a chef. A very angry chef. Don’t see many of those in wrestling. Hang on, isn't that celebrity masterchef, Chef Cross? He's like Gordon Ramsey without the charm.

Chef Cross: YOU'RE A DISAPPOINTMENT TO YOUR FAMILY! NOW GET THE PASTRY TOPPING OUT BEFORE I COOK YOU LIKE I'M GOING TO COOK NGW!

We once again fade to black…

\~|~/

We’re backstage! It’s not a vignette this time, it’s an interview! Hooray for variety! Nolee LaCroix on the mic, and standing next to her is a quivering mass of muscles. If you look closely there’s a face somewhere in those muscles, looking like they’ve got stagefright.

Nolee LaCroix: Yo wass poppin’. I’m here with one of the debutants for tonight Battle Royal, none other than Zap Powerslam. What’s up, Zap?

Nolee aims the mic to where she hopes Zap Powerslam’s face is. Given that he has no neck, Zap pivots his entire torso to face Nolee.

Zap Powerslam: H-H… Hello.

He breathes deeply into the mic, looking somewhere offscreen, most likely at some kind of stage hand holding cue cards.

Zap Powerslam: M-M-My n-name is Pap Zowersla- Zap Powerslam-m-m-m, an-and I-

Nolee gives him an encouraging thumbs up.

Zap Powerslam: And I… Er… I’m g-going to win tonight’s ladder ma-

He pauses and looks at Nolee. Nolee shakes her head, mouthing the words ‘Battle Royal.’

Zap Powerslam: I’m going to w-w-win tonights… Battle… Royal! Battle Royal. B-Because, I… I…

Oh dear, the poor thing has lost his place in the script. His eyes dart in panic, sweat drips down his forehead. The LIVE icon does not help his anxiety.

Zap Powerslam: I… I… I… LOOK WHAT I CAN DO.

In a panic, he starts flexing. Nolee stares, entranced.

This goes on for several minutes, until someone finally motions to cut the feed.

\~|~/

Another recap, this one of the nGw Young Lion’s scene. Champion Charles Newry, The Scheming Behemoth is scheduled to defend his title against Noach ‘The Roach’ Van Der Cappallen on the next show. Beyond that… It’s all open.

Random-ass Announcer: Ladies and gentlemen, the INNOVATOR of the 460 SPLASH!

Getting right into it with another vignette! A dude is perched on the top turnbuckle! He motions for some kind of flip, but adds a bit more motion than usual! And suddenly, we’re in slow motion.

Sorry. Slooooooooooow mooooootion. That’s better.

The guy stands on the turnbuckle. Then he leans back, ever so slightly, before leaping off! 90 degrees! 180 degrees! 360 degrees! 450 degrees! THEN THE EXTRA TEN DEGREES FOR A 460 SPLASH! THE CROWD GOES WILD, THE EXTRA TEN DEGREES MAKES ALL THE DIFFERENCE!

He makes the impact as we cut to black.

PEPPER PICKERING
Mr. 460

What a stupid name. And we fade away…

\~|~/

One last vignette!

Over a groovy beat, a man alternates between dancing and punching people in the groin.

I got nothing. This is Funky Fedora and I hate him. Fade to black right now, don’t give him any mic time.

\~|~/

One final interview. Nolee LaCroix is standing by with a spooky man under a dark hood. Nolee closes her eyes, exasperated, and merely holds the mic up.

???: I AM… THE SOUL THAT GUARD THE WAY BETWEEN THIS WORLD AND THE NEXT. A WORLD OF DARKNESS. A WORLD OF DOOM. AND I HAVE BOTH WORLDS AT MY FINGERTIPS.

Nolee looks annoyed.

???: I AM… NICODEMUS. I SEE INTO THE DARK AND THE DARK SEES INTO ME, BE WARY OF WHAT THE LIGHT HIDES BEHIND IT'S BRITTLE LIES.

Nolee rolls her eyes so hard they almost fall out of her head.

Nicodemus: I AM THE STORM THAT IS APPROACHING... AND YOU DON'T EVEN HAVE AN UMBRELLA. TAKE COVER, OR FIGHT THE WIND. IT MAKES NO DIFFERENCE.

He laughs. And keeps laughing for several minutes.

We fade to black.

\~|~/

We see a brief recap of the nGw world title scene, from Stu Grimes retaining the nGw Championship, to the announcement of a fatal four-way for his next challenger scheduled for next show, between Salvador Grimm, Elliott Harvey Huttlestone, Angel Clemente, & Shiji Mikami.

\~|~/

Broc Lobster: jesus christ why were there so many vignettes?

Danielle Kennedy: Lot of characters to introduce, my guy.

Broc Lobster: How many of them are even going to appear past tonight?

Danielle Kennedy: *vague shrugging noise*

Broc Lobster: Anyway. It’s time for tonight’s main event! An eighteen-person battle royal, the winner of which will battle the nGw Champion at a later date. We’ve met our contenders, let’s get right into it!

​

nGw Battle Royal - Winner Gets A Future nGw Championship Shot
Who? vs Frankie Purejoy vs Alejandro Giunti vs Heidi Blackthorn vs Keiko Hirabayashi vs CHAOS vs Johnny Johnson vs Zap Powerslam vs Nicodemus vs The Dude vs Monica Masters vs Towerblock Bruno vs K@te vs Funky Fedora vs Pepper Pickering vs Benny the Rabbit vs Chef Cross vs Jack the Clipper

The bell rings, and the match begins! What wild fisticuffs will ensure as everyone battles to make sure their name is in the running for next nGw title conten-

Nicodemus has been eliminated!

… huh. That was quick, I didn’t even catch that. Can we back up a second?

Via replay, the bell rings, and the NEXT BIG SPOOKY GUY NICODEMUS takes one step forward, is immediately rocked by a headbutt by CHAOS, and eliminated. The cries of ‘NO MY LORE FORBIDS THIS’ goes unheeded, as a referee gently but firmly tells Nicodemus to beat it.

Monica Masters has been eliminated!

Wait, no, hold on, we’re still one the firs-Rewind for a minute!

Okay, so, apparently Monica Masters started this off by loudly proclaiming that she ‘crunched the data’ and ‘the only variable is who’s under Who?’s mask’. Her attempt to unmask Who? Ends poorly as she is immediately lariated out of the ring by the masked assailant. I would’ve thought with Jasmine Perlot’s backing she would’ve gone far, but I guess-

Pepper Pickering has been eliminated!

What?!? What happened here? Can we get another replay? Please?

Right, so, here we see Pepper Pickering springboarding his way around the ring… And here we see Frankie Purejoy spraying an aerosol can directly into his eyes. Jeez, that’s gotta sting. The followup elimination is almost a mercy. I can’t believe we flew Pepper Pickering all the way over here and he didn’t even bust out his 460, what a waste of ti-

Towerblock Bruno has been eliminated!

What the shit, did the big lug really get eliminated within, like, four minutes?!? How? Replay please.

Alright. So Towerblock Bruno made a beeline for Alejandro Giunti, perhaps seeing the hyped sensation as the ‘biggest dog in the yard’, to borrow some prison slang. He whiffs a clothesline, Giunti catches him with a jumping knee, and dropkicks him out just like that. Bruno’s manager is aghast, and just about faints at ringside. We’re not even going to get the usual ‘it takes everyone to eliminate the big guy’ thing. Wild, I-

Benny the Rabbit has been eliminated!

Stop eliminating people this quick! This is getting absurd, we’re barely two minutes into this!

Where are we, where are we… Okay, so, Benny the Rabbit tried to use some technical prowess to be slightly less of a joke, only for Johnny Johnson to grab him by the oversized bunny ears and whip him out of the ring. Benny might be happy to leave at this point, we know he’s very unenthusiastic about the whole rabbit thing, s-

Funky Fedora has been eliminated!

You’re shitting me. Just give me a minute to catch up on things, alright, just-GAWD.

Alright, so Funky Fedora seemed to try and deceive his way into eliminating Keiko, however not only did Keiko not fall for it, she beat the piss out of him and threw him right out of the ring, where he landed on his manager/slash sister. Eh, no big loss, but what I’d really like for things to just-

Chef Cross has been eliminated!

SLOW THE FUCK DOWN. JESUS. Chef Cross? Fuck.

Rewind and replay. Chef Cross began throwing hard rights at Heidi Blackthorn while angrily lecturing her about the proper way to cook pancakes. Heidi avoided the blows, chirping back with her own cooking methods, which only infuriated Chef Cross into throwing a haymaker, which Blackthorn easily ducked before superkicking him over the ropes. Stay tuned for Chef Cross’s Competitive Celebrity Cooking Combat Challenge, where celebrities compete to cook various pastries while a pro wrestler beats the shit out of them. It’s got good ratings but I feel like it’s fourth season is a bit lackluster.

Oh. I was expecting another elimination to occur. So I can properly do my ‘here’s what the field is doing’ thing? Neat. So we’re just about two minutes into this and already like half the field is eliminated. Swell. Let’s see how the remaining contenders are doing.

CHAOS has exited the ring and is scaring fans at ringside. Yeah, that tracks.

Johnny Johnson agreed to take a selfie with K@te, only to throw up a very vuglar hand symbol for the photo. When K@te protests, Johnson flattens her with a lariat, takes the phone, and begins posting inappropriate messages on K@te’s page.

Frankie Purejoy attempts to use the aerosol spray on The Dude, but The Dude’s sunglasses block it! I mean, yeah, he still inhaled a bunch of terrible chemicals, but he’s not blinded. He nabs Purejoy in a body slam, maybe the first actual wrestling move of the match.

There’s drama in the middle of the ring! Heidi Blackthorn and Keiko Hirabayashi seem to have noticed each other. Words go unsaid, as they stare, ready to grapple - before Heidi suddenly pivots and clocks Who? with a forearm instead! Keiko follows suit, turning her attention to Zap Powerslam, raining hash elbows and forearms on the big lug.

Elsewhere, Alejandro Giunti does battle with Jack the Clipper, trading blows. The villainous barber nearly takes Giunti’s head off with a lariat, Giunti avoiding it by the slimmest of margins, before catching Jack with a beautiful Rolling Wheel Kick. He hoists Jack the Clipper over the ropes, but Jack holds on, pushing Giunti away - only for Giunti to respond with a TURBOxALEJANDRO, spearing Jack through the ropes and out of the ring!

Jack the Clipper has been eliminated!

Since Alejandro Giunti went through the ropes, he’s safe from elimination - but not from CHAOS! CHAOS takes down Giunti with a haymaker outside of the ring, before pulling out a limp red balloon! He takes some time blowing it up, twists and contorts it into the shape of a singapore cane, and swings it at Giunti’s ribs! It somehow makes the iconic ‘THWACK’ noise a cane makes upon contact, and Giunti writhes in pain!

Meanwhile, back in the ring, Frankie Purejoy hugs the bottom rope in hopes that no-one notices him. Johnny Johnson tangles with K@te, the both of them spilling over the top rope onto the apron. K@te staggers Johnson with an uppercut, then another, then a third! Johnson NEARLY spills to the floor, gripping the bottom rope, and as K@te bends to push him out, Purejoy suddenly strikes with a boot to the backside, sending her down to the floor!

K@te has been eliminated!

Elsewhere, The Dude grapples with Keiko Hirabayashi, attempting a series of barroom brawling blows, however Keiko doesn’t reciprocate, deftly avoiding the wild fists and utilizing technical wizardly to keep Dude off balance. Keiko grips him in a headlock takeover, aiming to drag him over the ropes, but Dude fights out of it, and nails Keiko with a hard right. But coming up from behind is Who?, who dropkicks The Dude in the back of the head and sends him tumbling out of the ring!

The Dude has been eliminated!

Heidi Blackthorn outclasses Zap Powerslam rather easily. The big guy is, well, big and all, but he’s uncoordinated as fuck and seems so lost. Heidi seems both annoyed and pitiful of the guy. Maybe that’s why she lets her guard down and Zap is able to rock her with the stiffest right hand known to man. He seems surprised, yet still tries to throw Heidi out - but at the last second Heidi wraps her legs around his shoulder, and drags him over to the apron! She follows with a spinning forearm, unseating the big man and sending him down!

Zap Powerslam has been eliminated!

As Heidi scrambles to get back in the ring, CHAOS suddenly intercepts her from ringside, spraying her with his Green Mist trick flower! Heidi is blinded as she rolls into the ring! She’s easy pickings, as she struggles at the feet of Keiko Hirabayashi, who gazes down upon her with an unreadable gaze. CHAOS re-enters the ring, gripping Heidi by the neck, hissing at Keiko as he does. He goes to throw Heidi out, but Keiko suddenly jumps on his back in a rear waist lock, transitioning into a german suplex! She snarls at CHAOS, turning back to Heidi and deciding to do it herself - but Heidi manages to catch her with a jawbreaker! Heidi wipes more of the mist from her face as Keiko stumbles back to the ropes - right into The Punchline by CHAOS, who sends her spiraling over the ropes!

Keiko Hirabayashi has been eliminated!

Meanwhile, Who? Has Frankie Purejoy in a sleeper hold! Frankie tries to catch him with the aerosol spray, but Who? manages to avoid it, as he drags Frankie over to the ropes! Frankie ditches the spray cans, and instead grasps at Who?’s mask! He claws at it with stubby fingers, and suddenly rips it off!

GASP! But Who? was wearing another mask underneath it! As Frankie celebrates, Who? Clocks him with a bicycle kick, sending him tumbling over the ropes!

Frankie Purejoy has been eliminated!

Frankie is aghast at ringside, angrily throwing the mask on the ground and stomping on it. He screeches something about this not being the end, before furiously leaving.

In the ring, Alejandro Giunti has recovered from the balloon cane, and rolled back into the ring. Johnny Johnson is quick to take advantage with a double-knee gutbuster. He drags Giunti to the ropes, and tries to toss him out - but Giunti avoids it with a double-knee takedown, and starts beating the shit out of Johnson! He’s beating on that Johnson like it owes him money! Johnson gets some separation with a thumb to the eye, scrambling away. He kicks Giunti in the gut, grabs him in a powerbomb, and runs him to the turnbuckle with a buckle bomb! He follows with a big boot to the cranium, sending Giunti over the ropes-

But Alejandro Giunti hangs on! He skins the cat as Johnson slaps at his hands, catches him with a knee to the forehead, and makes his way back into the ring! Johnson, incensed, throws a haymaker - but Giunti ducks it, backdrops him over the ropes! Johnson hangs on, but Giunti nails a forearm to the back of the neck, and Johnson drops!

Johnny Johnson has been eliminated!

We’re down to four! CHAOS, Alejandro Giunti, Heidi Blackthorn, and Who?~!

CHAOS squares off with Alejandro Giunti, while Heidi Blackthorn does battle with Who?.The latter two grapple, trading holds and blows, while CHAOS just punches Giunti in the mouth. Giunti responds in kind. CHAOS suddenly has Giunti’s nose! Not in the party magic trick, but by gripping Giunti’s nose in a vice grip and punching him in the ribs with his free hand. CHAOS drags Giunti across the ring, and throws him at Who? & Blackthorn! The three fall! CHAOS marches over, laughing, only for Giunti to crack him with a sudden headbutt and a DDT! Giunti rolls to his feet, the only one on a vertical base - But Johnny Johnson sprints back into the ring and nails Giunti with a vicious forearm! He throws the dazed Giunti over the ropes!

Alejandro Giunti has been eliminated!

BOO! HISS! Johnson poses, happy with his handiwork, while Giunti surprises him with a right hook! The two brawl out to the back, as the match continues!

Down to three, CHAOS aims for Who? with a splash, only for Who? to intercept with a double-knees. Heidi Blackthorn joins in, the two teaming together to take out the monster clown with shared rights and lefts. The duo take him off his feet with a double suplex, before dragging him to the ropes and trying to throw him out - but CHAOS surprises them with an uppercut to Heidi, and a headbutt to Who?! CHAOS grips both of them in a choke hold, pushing both towards the ropes! Both go over, both hang on! They fight back, Who? nailing a kick, Heidi nailing a punch, and CHAOS retreats. Who? & Heidi meet eyes, and they both turn on each other, attempting to knock the other off! Trading blows on the edge of the apron, Who? catches Heidi with a suplex on the apron! Heidi hangs on to the bottom rope just barely, her legs dangling above the outside!

Suddenly CHAOS rears it’s ugly head once more, and grabs Who? with a chokehold! He lifts him up, and chokebombs Who? right onto Heidi Blackthorn! They fall to the outside floor!

Who? is eliminated!

Heidi Blackthorn is el-

WAIT! Heidi’s legs have not touched the floor! She tanked a grown man being slammed onto her like a champ, with the wherewithal to keep her grip on the bottom rope firm! CHAOS attempts to kick her grip and send her sending, but Heidi hangs on! She climbs back to a vertical base, as CHAOS slaps and parries at her. CHAOS misses a forearm, and Heidi locks in Heidi’s Trap! The submission starts to drag CHAOS out of the ring, onto the apron, as he tries to fight out of it! As he lands on the apron, he manages to shake Heidi off, and nails her with an uppercut! She’s stunned! CHAOS goes for The Punchline! Heidi ducks, and when CHAOS turns, nails him with the Vicious Cycle! CHAOS hits the apron and rolls to the floor!

CHAOS has been eliminated!

WINNER: Heidi Blackthorn​

Heidi Blackthorn has won! She’s going to face off with the nGw Champion! Speaking of which, as Heidi celebrates, Bell Connelly marches out on stage.

Bell Connelly: Ay yo congrats! Heidi Blackthorn! You’ve got a date with destiny in your future!

Heidi seems pleased, and confident, as she stands by.

Bell Connelly: That’s right! If he can retain against his next defense, who will either be Salvador Grimm, Elliott Harvey Huttlestone, Angel Clemente, or Shinij Mikami in two shows time, then Stu Grimes will defend the nGw Championship against Heidi Blackthorn!

A cheer echoes through the crowd!

Bell Connelly: And I do mean, Stu Grimes! No stripping, no vacating, we’ve found Stu Grimes! Come on out big guy!

A monster roar pops through the crowd! A massive big man steps out from behind the curtain! Just like Stu, he’s big as shit, heavy as shit, fits the build perfectly! … Except-

Broc Lobster: Is… Is that The Boulder in a wig?

Danielle Kennedy: Don’t be a buzzkill, Broc. STU GRIMES LIVES! OUR NGW CHAMPION IS ALIVE!

“Stu Grimes” roars, raising the nGw title. Heidi glares back, as we fade to black…

---

Next time, on nGw!

nGw presents it's latest PPV Special: The Old Man Next Door Thinks His House Is Haunted
Winner faces Stu Grimes for the nGw Championship
Salvador Grimm vs Elliott Harvey Huttlestone vs Angel Clemente vs Shiji Mikami

nGw Young Lion's Championship
Charles Newry (c) vs Noach 'The Roach' Van Der Cappallen

nGw Tag Team Championships match
We Do Exist! (c) vs The Lumberjacks vs The Internet Anti-H8 Squad

The fallout from the Battle Royal With Cheese airs! We'll hear from Johnny Johnson, Alejandro Giunti, Frankie Purejoy, Who? Keiko Hirabayashi, CHOAS, winner Heidi Blackthorn, among others!

probably an undercard match or two maybe, idk, we'll figure it out.

Author notes: Right, so this'll be the thread where cards & results are posted, with the title being updated to reflect the most recent update. Any actual character submissions should stay in the signup thread. Most of the 'new characters' here will get their profile in said thread so people know what to expect from them. Hopefully this is a good indicator of how the next few nGw shows will go as we settle into a good balance. Thanks for reading!​

 

[Jazz Wolf]

???: -and then Crash says he just flew in from the new ruin level and boy are his arms tired; HA-!

On these words we cut inside the ever colorful office of Bell Connelly to see, surprise surprise, Bell Connelly spinning idly in her chair as she rattles off her typical nonsense as her long-suffering assistant Nolee LaCroix stands to the corner of the room with her arms folded.

Bell Connelly: And that's every video game commercial from the 90s.

Nolee LaCroix: What a riveting five hours... Where you could have been working or doing literally anything productive.

Bell Connelly: Well you know what they say, you never work a day in your life, if you have fun doing what you're doing.

Nolee LaCroix: Or in this case, doing nothing.

Bell Connelly: Okay, can we get real for a second? Like, share some feelings? I feel like you've just been... You know... Right up my ass more than you typically tend to be. Like right up in there, right up my butt. And it would be a super nice thing if you just went ahead and just climbed up out of there... There being my butt.

Nolee LaCroix: It's just, I think you're going about this whole NGW thing the wrong way.

Bell Connelly: Ummmmm... Okay... That talk is sounding cray-cray. Why you speaking cray cray?

Nolee LaCroix: I'm not speaking cray-cray.

Bell Connelly: Someone speaking cray-cray would absolutely say they're not speaking cray-cray. Ipso-facto. You're speaking cray cray.

Nolee LaCroix: Look, all I know is you're meant to be working through to the future of wrestling... And our champion is a tall man pretending to be-

Bell Connelly: SHHHHH.

Nolee LaCroix: Sorry, our champion is Stu Grimes, and as for that battle royal last week-

Bell Connelly: Hey, what was wrong with that battle royal ? People love battle royals.

Nolee LaCroix: I mean, nothing for the most part, you found some decent wrestlers but you also found K@te, a woman with seemingly no wrestling experience besides the fact she posts videos of birds doing funny things sometimes.

Bell Connelly: Hey, those birds are hysterical!

Nolee LaCroix: That's absolutely not the point. You took our best prospect, Benjamin Foster, an outstanding college wrestler who was an alternate for the American Olympic team and a two-time NCAA Champion, and put a pair of rabbit ears on him.

Bell Connelly: Everyone likes rabbits Noleen!

Nolee LaCroix: ... And a man who willingly calls himself 'Funky Fedora.'

Bell Connelly: Is this going somewhere?

Nolee LaCroix: I'm just saying, Jasmine Perlot is here and she's looking for any excuse to get you fired. You can't keep hiring all these weirdos, you need to find people FWA would actually w-

???: -And my friend, I can not stress enough the importance of getting those WHAMMY points. You're going to need plenty of Whammy points in the bonus round!

Both gals look over to see what appears to be an older gentleman in an ever so slightly disheveled old school style suit, with big blocky glasses who just happened to be wandering into the room with a slightly deranged smile on his face and a far away look in his eyes.

Bell Connelly: Ummmmm... Hi? Can I help you with something, or-

???: No Mother I'm fine. 500 points and that'll take us to an All or Nothing round!

Bell Connelly: Ummmmm... Dude. I think you're confused. There's no points or-

???: THAT'S RIGHT. NO POINTS. ONLY PRIZES. HERE ON AMERICA'S FAVOURITE GAME SHOW; FILL IN THE BLANKS!

Nolee LaCroix: Bell, I don't think he can hear you, I've heard about this guy, it's Chuck Winnington. He used to host a game show on this site in the 90s but he suffered a mental break after they cancelled it, now he just wanders around. It's actually kind of sad, maybe we should call a doctor or-

Bell Connelly: Nolee, can you hold that thought?

Nolee LaCroix: ... Sure.

Bell Connelly: Thanks.

Bell turns on her heel, away from Nolee to Chuck and abruptly grabs his hand and pumps it repeatedly, with an almost scary amount of enthusiasm.

Bell Connelly: Welcome to NGW, Chuck!

Nolee LaCroix: ... You're kidding, right? Please tell me you're kidding!

Chuck Winnington: Survey says; THAT'S THE RIGHT ANSWER. YOU JUST WON A NEW CAR!

Bell Connelly: You hear that, Nolee?! A new car! You can't buy this type of enthusiasm and gusto!

Nolee LaCroix: Bell. Stop. Think. He's a game show host from the 90s, he doesn't know a thing about wrestling. This isn't a game show!

Bell Connelly: ... You're right. Of course. Nolee, Sweet Nolee. Gentle Nolee, you always steer me right.

Nolee LaCroix: Oh, thank God.

Bell Connelly: We need to build a game show set.

Nolee LaCroix: We need to- WHAT?

Bell Connelly: You need to build a game show set for Chucky. Go get a hammer and nails, and some money, there's a big pile of it in the corner I used to throw at the sponsors, and go build one. We need to accommodate our new matchmaker!

Nolee LaCroix: We don't have a mat-

Bell Connelly: WE DO NOW. CHUCKY DUBS IS IN THE HOUSE!

There is a cheer of bliss from Bell and Chuck, and a groan of dismay from Nolee, as we fade in to the nGw logo.

Broc Lobster: Welcome everyone, to another exciting installment of Next Generation Wrestling! I’m ‘The Brocean from the Ocean,’ Broc Lobster-

Danielle Kennedy: And I’m ‘Hot Chocolate On A Cold Winter’s Night’, Danielle Kennedy, and we have a banger of a show for you tonight!

Broc Lobster: Fresh off of our Battle Royal with Cheese special, we go back on track! In our main event tonight, Noach ‘The Roach’ Van Der Cappallen cashes in his shot for the nGw Young Lion’s Championship against ‘The Scheming Behemoth’ Charles Newry!

Danielle Kennedy: Before nGw Tag Team We Do Exist put their titles on the line against The Lumberjacks & The Internet Anti-H8 Squad, next-in-line teams of Toxic Wonderland & Crimson Knights collide, with the winners staking their claim for a tag title shot in the near future!

Broc Lobster: In the wake of the fallout from BR w/ Cheese, ‘The Maltese Falcon’ Alejandro Gunti has challenged ‘The Legend’ Johnny Johnson! Two of nGw’s newest acquisitions duke it out tonight to settle a score!

Danielle Kennedy: Speaking of the fallout, we’ll likely hear from the likes of Frankie Purejoy, Who?, CHAOS, Keiko Hirabayashi, among others!

Broc Lobster: And finally, while Heidi Blackthorn may have won the special battle royal for a nGw World Championship shot, it remains to be seen whether she will face the current champion, The Bo-

Danielle Kennedy: Cough.

Broc Lobster: The current champion, Stu Grimes, or his next challenger, whoever wins our opening fatal-four-way! Angel Clemente, Salvador Grimm, Shinji Mikami, & Elliott Harvey Huttlestone butt heads, with the winner facing the champion in two week’s time, before the winner of THAT faces Heidi Blackthorne at nGw: The Old Man Next Door Thinks His House Is Haunted! And that match is RIGHT NOW!
​

Angel Clemente vs Elliott Harvey Huttlestone vs Salvador Grimm vs Shinji Mikami
Winner faces “Stu Grimes” for the nGw Championship in two weeks
Four of nGw’s stalwarts duke it out in a fast-paced opener, nary a dull second as Clemente, Huttlestone, Grimm, & Mikami battle to be next in lion for a shot at nGw’s top prize. Control constantly changing, all it takes is one move to me on top, no man standing out as a clear winner… Yet.

Halfway through, nGw Champion ‘Stu Grimes’ enters from the behind the curtain, though he seems more like he told to come out and ‘look like he’s watching’ considering how lost he seems. After a few minutes, Heidi Blackthorn joins him, casting her gaze both to the four combatants in the ring, and the current champion. Unlike ‘Stu,’ Hedi brought along a chair to sit on as she observes. ‘Stu’ asks whether she brought a chair for him too, a statement that goes ignored.

In the final moments of the hectic four-way, it’s the former gang member, Angel Clemente, in control, his streetwise smarts making up for his lack of finesse and technique. He’s able to rock Salvador Grimm with a bicycle thrust kick, sending him falling through the ropes outside. He goes for an Enziguri on Mikami, but Mikami catches it, kicks him in the thigh, and transitions into The Fourth Wall! The deadly submission set up in the middle of the ring! Elliott Harvey Huttlestone attempts to break the hold with a springboard, but Salvador Grimm catches him on the ropes with a Grim Kiss! He kicks him into the ring, and follows it with A Fate Worse Than Death! The referee starts the count, Mikami breaks the hold to interrupt, but he realizes the situation too late!
Winner: Salvador Grimm​

Broc Lobster: What a chaotic fatal four-way! But we have our winner, Salvador Grimm! He will take on Stu Grimes for the nGw Championship in two weeks time, with the winner going on to face Heidi Blackthorn at nGw: The Old Man Next Door Thinks His House Is Haunted!

Danielle Kennedy: Shinji Mikami almost had that won! But Angel Clemente was too gutsy to quit, and Shinji was too late to realize a count was being made! Terrific ring awareness by Salvador, could we see a new champion going into the PPV?

‘Stu Grimes’ roars and makes vague gestures at Salvador Grimm, y’know, the usual ones. Grimm responds with gestures of his own. Nothing groundbreaking. Heidi Blackthorne simply gets up, folds her chair, and leaves without a passing glance at either Grimm or ‘Grimes.’

~/~|~\~

We cut to backstage. Where, exactly? I dunno. It looks like the boiler room, but someone’s gone through the trouble of decorating it with balloons and streamers. Like a circus, taking place entirely in the sewer. Frenzied giggling echoes throughout the chamber, as CHAOS steps into view, juggling a trio of balls in one hand.

CHAOS isn’t even looking as he juggles. He gazes somewhere offscreen, giggling.

???: You…

CHAOS pauses, letting two of the balls drop to the floor, as another being steps out from behind a towel. It’s Nicodemus! Sigh.

Nicodemus: You believe you outrank my lore? My demons are lesser than your own? You are as presumptuous as you are colorful.

CHAOS tilts a head, twirling his last ball in a gloved palm, while Nicodemus starts ranting, unprompted. Nicodemus kicks one of the discarded balls away as he stomps around, rambling a rehearsed ramble.

Nicodemus: THE MOUTH AT THE END OF TIME SPOKE TO ME, IT TOLD ME THE SECRETS OF THE WORLD THAT YOU CAN’T HOPE TO FANTOM. I HAVE BEEN CHOSEN BY THE ONES ABOVE, AND IF YOU STAND IN MY WAY YOU WILL BE DEVOURED BY ENTROPY AND WASTE. OUR ENCOUNTER LAST SHOW WAS A MISTAKE THAT SHOULD NOT HAVE HAPPENED, AND IF YOU SPOIL MY LORE AGAIN, I’LL MAKE YOU LIVE TO REGRET IT. DO I MAKE MYSELF CLEAR?

CHAOS looks bored. He tosses the juggling ball to Nicodemus. Nicodemus glances at it, baffled.

Nicodemus: I- I AM NOT A SIDESHOW CLOWN?!? I AM NOT OF YOUR KIND, AND YOU ARE NOT OF MINE! DO NOT INSULT ME WITH THIS, WITH THIS… CIRCUS ACT!

In a show of power, Nicodemus crushes the ball within his palm. It promptly explodes, sending smoke and glitter directly into his lungs.

Nicodemus: *hurk*

CHAOS decides to skip to the last page, and just starts beating the shit out of a now blinded-and-breathing-impaired Nicodemus. Laughing, all the while, as he beats the piss out of his unwelcome guest.

This goes on for a few minutes, as we cut to black.

Broc Lobster: It’s a battle of the Big Spooky Bois!

Danielle Kennedy: Less of a battle and more of a one-sided slaughter. I don’t know what Nicodemus was thinking, stepping into the lair of CHAOS.

Broc Lobster: Judging by his usual monologues he probably wasn’t thinking, and was making it up as he went along.

Danielle Kennedy: … But the lore???

Broc Lobster: Never mind that! Next up, two of nGw’s standout teams battle to be number one contenders to the nGw Tag Team Championships! We have a tag title match set for next week, but that leaves a slot at the PPV wide open!

Danielle Kennedy: It was an eight-man tag team match not too long ago that saw Crimson Knights & Toxic Wonderland come out as the de facto top choices, although Wonderland’s lack of honor met them with some criticism! Toxic Wonderland & Crimson Knights do battle, up next!
​

Crimson Knights vs Toxic Wonderland
Winners face the nGw Tag Team Champions at nGw: The Old Man Next Door Thinks His House Is Haunted
As the match begins, Spencer Von Starr offers Zip Strider a handshake. Though hesitant, Strider accepts the handshake, fully expecting it to be a fake out. It’s not, though, and the two start the match. Seeing an easy win doesn’t mean you’re a jerk, y’know?

Anyway. Two teams with similar styles, both fast-paced and favoring high-octane action, it’s no real surprise that this starts at night speed and never really lets off the throttle. The mother & daughter team of Hunter Havok & Spencer Von Starr tag in and out, in an out, in an effort to make as much use possible of legal double-team moves and overwhelm Zip Strider & AJ King, but AJ & Zip’s cohesion and chemistry ensures that there is no real face-in-peril section, just constant tags whenever one of them seems to be on the backstep. It’s real 50/50 action here.

Soon, Toxic Wonderland calls for the end, going for the Morningstar on AJ King, but Zip Strider manages to interrupt it!Crimson Knights nearly hit Hunter Havok with What Never Comes, but Spencer Von Starr breaks it up! Spencer Von Starr & Zip Strider fall to the outside in a brawl, while Hunter Havok & AJ King trade pin covers! Sunset flip, into an oklahoma roll, back and forth, back and forth. Havok catches King in a roll up, and reaches for the ropes for added leverage! But she’s too far away, and her attempt to grab the ropes unbalances her, allowing King to reverse into a rollup of his own! The three count!
Winners: Crimson Knights ​

Broc Lobster: Crimson Knights score the win after a series of flash pin cover attempts! Havok tried to grab the ropes but it backfired!

Danielle Kennedy: They have a slot on the PPV for them, as they take on either We Do Exist, The Lumberjacks, or The Internet Anti-H8 Squad for the nGw Tag Team Championships! But wait, what’s this in the ring?

As Crimson Knights celebrate, Toxic Wonderland come up from behind, with… friendly applause? They offer a pair of handshakes, and Crimson Knights accept. The two teams exchange words, before Toxic Wonderland leave the winners to their celebration.

Broc Lobster: I swear I thought they were going to turn.

Danielle Kennedy: Turn what, Broc? We don’t do insider terms here.

Broc Lobster: … Nevermind. I hear there’s a thing going on backstage, let’s check it out.

Good call, Broc.

~/~|~\~

We cut to backstage, within the esteemed and exclusive office of nGw arch rival and financial overlord, Jasmine Perlot. She seems… Curious. Behind her, Monica Masters scribbles away at a clipboard, occasionally glancing up at someone seated just behind the camera, hidden from view.

Jasmine Perlot: I must admit, when Monica here informed me of your prowess, I was… Skeptical. After all, Monica didn’t last as long as I had hoped in the battle royal, so perhaps she didn’t have the best view.

Jasmine shoots a disapproving glare at Monica, who tries her best to hide behind her clipboard.

Jasmine Perlot: Go on, Monica. Write that down.

There is a sigh. Monica dutifully does so.

Jasmine Perlot: So, I do some digging. Some watching. And well… I don’t hate what I’ve found.

Whoever they’re talking to merely reaches a hand into frame, gently picking up a teacup.

Jasmine Perlot: You have the ability, the class, the elegence, that I’m looking for. And the… Connections… to someone else in nGw’s hierarchy. I think I can work with that. I think you can work with that. And I think we could work together in a… Mutually beneficial arrangement. So, Monica-

Jasmine snaps her fingers. Monica fishes out a business card, offering it to the person out of view.

Jasmine Perlot: Take a week or so to think about my offer, and get back to me when you’ve made a decision. After all, considering the management in this dump of a place, it pays to have someone behind the scenes looking out for you, no?

A slim, blue glove plucks the card from Monica’s outstretched hand, grasping it between two fingers, before bringing it back. The camera zooms out with it, revealing a regal, blue-clad figure, seated with elegance. The Mistress In Blue inspects the card, aloof, dispatched, but with a hint of intrigue.

Keiko Hirabayashi: I will… Consider… Your offer.

She sips from her tea, as we cut to black.

~/~|~\~

It’s commercial time! FWA star, Michelle von Horrowitz, unenthusiastically shills a blender. JJJ is also there. The price for the blender has been blacked out, and replaced with a line that reads ‘COSMIC DISCORD WRESTLING.’

The commercial ends.

~/~|~\~

Danielle Kennedy: Why on earth are we selling a blender…?

Broc Lobster: Never mind that. Next up we’ve got a bit of a grudge match! In the recent battle royal, Alejadro Gunti, The Maltese Falcon, made it to the near end of the bout, and many say could’ve been the one to win it, but Johnny Johnson rushed in and eliminated him, after Johnny himself had already been eliminated.

Danielle Kennedy: Indeed! Very despicable behavior by the self-professed ‘Legend.’ Due to this, Alejandro Gunti has requested a match against him as soon as possible, to, quote ‘make that jackoff eat dirt.’

This grudge match between two of nGw’s highest prospects, happens RIGHT NOW!
​

Johnny Johnson vs Alejandro Gunti
The Maltese Falcon wastes absolutely no time going after Johnny Johnson, instantly taking his head off with a bicycle kick. Gunti just fuckin’ beats the piss out of him, combining quick agility with furious strikes, forcing Johnson on the backfoot, on the retreat, all around the ring. This culminates with Johnson finally rolling outside, starting to stumble up the ramp, almost like he’s trying to get away. Gunti doesn’t let him, with a massive springboard cross body to the outside!

It’s all Gunti, until Johnson manages to cut Gunti off with a boot to the family jewels while the referee isn’t looking. Ah, the great equalizer. Now Johnson is in control, and turns the tide on Gunti with a series of suplexes. Gunti fights valiantly, but Johnson closes him off at every turn, catching him with a Float-Over DDT that scores a long two-count.

In the final stretch, Johnson goes to lock in The Greatest Submission, but Gunti hooks a leg over the rope, preventing the submission from being locked on. Johnson switches over in an attempt to hit the Second Greatest Finisher, but Gunti hunts an arm onto the ropes to prevent it. Frustrated, Johnson drags him away from the ropes for The Greatest Finisher, but Gunti twists out of it, ducks under a lariat, and hits the TURBOxALEJANDRO! He makes the cover!
Winner: Alejandro Gunti​

Danielle Kennedy: BANGER STATUS ACHIEVED! Well fought victory for Alejandro Gunti here, as he gains a measure of revenge on Johnny Johnson!

Broc Lobster: I don’t think this is the end of this story, but for now, Gunti stands tall!

Johnson kicks the announce desk in frustration, as Gunti celebrates. He shoots a glare at Gunti, before turning to the announce desk and grabbing a headset off of Danielle Kennedy.

Broc Lobster: Hey-

Johnny Johnson: Who do I have to talk to in this place to get a rematch? Who’s in charge? Bell? Jasmine? I don’t give a shit - whoever makes the matches, listen up, I want a rematch with this Nouveau Riche jackass, so write that down, send it to marketing, and make it official for next week. I’m not going to let a fluke fly by. I want a rematch, and if you want to keep THE LEGEND on your show, you’d better do what you do best and push those pencils. Got it?!?

He throws the headset back to Danielle, storming off.

Danielle Kennedy: Jerk.

~/~|~\~

Meanwhile, we cut to backstage, with Nolee LaCroix! Get hype! She’s standing beside THE MYSTERY, THE ENIGMA, THE CONUNDRUM… Who else, but Who?

Nolee LaCroix: Yo whats poppin’ dawg. Nolee LaCroix, here with one of the standouts from last week’s Battle Royal, Who?. Now, one of the big questions on everyone’s mind since your debut, is Who is Who?

Who? glances around, before theatrically pointing a finger at himself.

Who?: Who is Who?

Nolee LaCroix: Correct. Who is Who?

Who?: Who? is Who.

Nolee LaCroix: Who? is Who?

Who?: True.

Nolee LaCroix: I’m glad we’ve gotten this gag out of the way early. W-

???: NOT SO FAST!

Well, it wouldn't be an interview if there wasn’t an interruption. It’s ‘The Pollution Revolution,’ Frankie Purejoy, and boy is there no pure joy on his face. He storms up to Nolee & Who?, scowling.

Frankie Purejoy: You may be satisfied with this joke of an answer, but I’m not, Nolee. This… This fraud who hides behind a piece of fabric is just like the Ozone Layer - A coward in need of removal! Who hides beneath the mask of Who?!?

Who?: Who? does.

Frankie Purejoy: NO MORE JOKES! I’ll find out what you are, and when I do… THERE WILL BE NO JOKES! AHEHEHEHEHAHAE.

I think that’s supposed to be an evil laugh? I guess? It sounds like he’s in pain. Nolee looks concerned. Who? doesn’t. Shrug. Frankie Purejoy saunters away, glaring daggers at Who?, as we fade to black…

~/~|~\~

Broc Lobster: And now, it’s time for our main event! Charles Newry puts the Young Lion’s title on the line against Noach ‘The Roach’ Van Der Capallen!

Danielle Kennedy: Noach defeated Aleksandar Anderson to obtain this shot, and he cashed it in as quick as possible! Smart, Newry is just coming off of a hard-hitting defense against Paradox, so he might be a touch on the backfoot.

Broc Lobster: Will we see a new champion? Find out next!
​

nGw Young Lion’s Championship
‘The Scheming Behemoth’ Charles Newry © vs Noach ‘The Roach’ Van Der Capallen
Have you ever thrown a baseball at a brick wall, it just bounces off again and again. It just keeps hitting off the wall over and over again because you keep on throwing it because you have nothing else to do because no one else will hang out with you, and while everyone is out having crazy parties and having the time of their lives while growing as people you're left throwing a fucking ball against the wall wondering why no one likes you? Why do you have no social skills, and why that man is shouting, "Why are you screaming at that baseball?" BECAUSE THE BASEBALL DESERVES IT, MARTIN! AND I CAN SCREAM AS MUCH AS I WANT!! EXCUSE ME FOR EXPRESSING MYSELF.
...You ever just do that?

Well, if you ever did bounce a baseball, you have a pretty good idea of how this match goes; as usual, Noach Van Der Capellen has little to no wrestling skill to speak of, so the gameplay seems to be just blindly rush forward and swing for the fences, while that tactic might work somewhat against most opponents, the nGw Young Lion’s Champions is called ‘The Scheming Behemoth’ for a reason and uses his massive frame to just bat him off again and again.

But credit to the challenger, the Youtube Prankster just keeps on coming again and again. While he's not doing much in terms of damage, he's tiring Newry out. More importantly, it's pissing him off. As we all know, angry people make mistakes, and this proved to be the case as the intellectual savant seems to say, "Screw it," and enter into a BEHEMOTH SMASH-! mode and leaves himself open to mistakes, including a moment where Van Der Capellen is in the corner, Newry goes for a splash, only to smack his head off the post, practically knocking himself out on his feet! The ref goes forward to check on him, which means he doesn't notice Aleksandar Anderson roll into the ring! Oh no! Anderson lowblows the Roach in the one place he probably still has feeling in his body! The Behemoth, recovered, is all too happy to push past the ref and take advantage with a thundering powerbomb. You know what comes next.
Winner: ‘The Scheming Behemoth’ Charles Newry​

Broc Lobster: The Behemoth retains! Saved on the backfoot by ‘The Professor’ Aleksandar Anderson!

Danielle Kennedy: Speaking of, looks like Anderson isn’t quite done here…

After the fact, while The Behemoth is getting his hand raised, A-double is more than happy to rush into the ring and continue stomping on The Roach! After a beat, The Behemoth squares up to the other self-professed ‘Wrestling genius’ and, after a tense second, offers a gentlemanly handshake! The Professor takes it with gusto! AND THEY BOTH STOMP ON THE ROACH!

Broc Lobster: An unholy union of Evil Smart Dudes, stomping the piss out of Noach!

Danielle Kennedy: But look! Someone’s coming to the rescue-

It’s Paradox! The man who came so close to beating Charles Newry running in to break this up! Behemoth & Professor take a powder as Paradox rolls in, saving the battered carcass of Noach Van Der Capallen from further abuse! Newry & Anderson retreat up the ramp as Paradox stares them down.

Broc Lobster: Paradox to the rescue! The nGw Young Lion’s scene is heating up, with these alliances being formed! How will this impact the title scene?!?

Danielle Kennedy: We’ll catch you next time on nGw, folks! Thanks for watching!

~/~|~\~

NEXT TIME, ON NGW:
nGw Tag Team Championships are on the line!
We Do Exist © vs The Lumberjacks vs The Internet Anti-H8 Squad
~/~|~\~
The Rematch! Round two!
Alejandro Junti vs Johnny Johnson
~/~|~\~
Who? will be in action!
~/~|~\~
We hear from the newest alliance in nGw, Charles Newry & Aleksandar Anderson!
~/~|~\~
We hear from future nGw Championship Combatant, Heidi Blackthorne!
~/~|~\~
And more, as the road to nGw: The Old Man Next Door Thinks His House Is Haunted, continues!​

 

[Jazz Wolf]

It’s a cold open! You know how cool those are, it means a free segment without having to worry about introductions and shit. We’re somewhere, down a hallway, as two people walk down it, their faces just cut off by the camera line. One is talking, their voice familiar. The other, not a word.

???: Something is up with those two. You know? You feel?

Their footsteps echo through the hallway, as they pass by several doors, unheeding.

???: Yeah, you feel. Tyranus, Smaug… There’s something unnatural about them. Can’t put my finger on it. ‘S some kind of… Energy, or vibe, or-

The two men pause, one turning to the other, as we get a clear look at them - It’s Boston Elric & Wesley Elric, of the Alchemists! What’s up with them? Boston stares, then nods, as if Wesley said something nonverbally.

Boston Elric: Yeah, yeah. That kind of thing. We might have something big on our hands here. We gotta play it safe though, actin’ without knowing what we’re up against is just an easy ticket to the dirt. Or worse.

The two continue their walk down the hallways, eventually stopping before a sole door.

Boston Elric: I gotta ask though… You sure about these cats? Yeah, yeah, hire some goons so if things go wrong, they get roasted, not us. But I ain’t exactly trusting of peeps like them.

Wesley simply stares.

Boston Elric: Yeah. You’re right, you know what to say. Shall we?

Boston knocks on the door, before swiftly entering. Inside is an office, with paperwork, a computer, a wall with zero awards of recognition, and two portly men far beyond their prime. One of them has his face devouring a donut, which he pauses politely upon the arrival of the alchemists.

Boston Elric: Detectives, right? We might have a case for you.

The two men in the room exchange a glance, sitting back on their desk chairs. The chairs creak ominously beneath them.

Buster Murphy: You’ve come to the right place.

The door swings shut, showcasing the letters of ‘CLAW & ORDER - DETECTIVES AT WORK’ painted on the frame, before we cut to black…

… And come back to nGw! With a moderately sized crowd, to be polite. Let’s zoom in on Danielle Kennedy & Broc Lobster, our glorious commentary team. Huzzah!

Broc Lobster: What’s crackin’, folks! I’m the Cool of the Pool, Broc Lobster!

Danielle Kennedy: And I’m ‘The Seventh Nugget in a Six-Piece Nugget Meal’, Danielle Kennedy! We’ve got a banger of a show tonight! In our main event, the nGw Tag Team titles are on the line as We Do Exist defend their gold against The Internet Anti-H8 Squad and The Lumberjacks!

Broc Lobster: Round two in Johnny Johnson vs Alejandro Giunti commences! This time with the last name spelled properly. I blame Jasmine.

Danielle Kenney: Who? will be in action! Not against Frankie Purejoy, but I’m sure Frankie will be watching closely.

Broc Lobster: And in our opening contest, six of nGw’s finest compete in a six-man tag match! It’s Benny the Rabbit, Zap Powerslam, & K@te taking on Chef Cross, Jack the Clipper, & Funky Fedora, up next!

Danielle Kennedy: Those…are the finest we have? Not Heidi, or Giunti, or- know what nevermind. LET’S GET INTO IT.
​

Six-Man Tag
Benny the Rabbit, Zap Powerslam, & K@te vs Chef Cross, Jack the Clipper, & Funky Fedora

Behold. The future of wrestling, a man in a bunny suit, a idiot musclehead, and someone who doesn't wrestle but posts birds pics, vs an angry chef, a barber and...a Funky Fedora.

Some might call this the future of wrestling, Then again, some might.

Right off the bat, calling this a six-person tag match is somewhat false advertising on one side K@te seems more busy staring at her phone and managing her social media empire, totally ignoring what's going on, and on the other side of the ring. Funky Fedora....Let me try and think of a way to say this without it sounding odd...

Nope. Can't.

Instead of wrestling, Funky Fedora has instead elected to strut around and around the ring, utterly ignoring the action inside, too busy doing laps and being generally funky to the amusement of....someone, I'm sure.

So we're left with Chef Cross and Jack The Clipper vs Benny The Rabbit and Zap Powerson and even then it feels like a two-on-one encounter as Zap Powerson doesn't seem to fully understand the rules, so poor ol' Benny The Rabbit spends much of the match while being beaten up by two part-time jobs brutes while his partner watches on uselessly (at least the one who cares to look up from their phone)

It seems that both Cross and Jack have weird chemistry to them, they can form a restaurant that would be shut down by the health officers instantly, but inside that Bunny suit is maybe the best wrestler in FWA, not that the NGW care, his skills are wasted on them, particularly once Benny The Rabbit starts fighting back and somehow delivers a german suplex to BOTH Cross and The Clipper at the same time to....no reaction whatsoever from the NGW crowd....but once he half-hearted started to do his Hip hop dance...MASSIVE pop, almost in disgust Benny tags in Zap. Who stumbles in like..., not a house of fire..but a mildly warm glass of milk, as he stumbles around the ring, throwing sloppy-looking clotheslines and slams that Chef and Clipper had to sell like a fish out of water, and it looked like he was about to win, but no one notices that Funky Fedora had gotten the blind tag, crept into the room and looked to go for his signature LOW BLOW, but almost accidentally Powerson catches it, but as he tries to go for a move he accidentally trips over his own feet and they both fall into a totally accidentally pinning combination for the three!

WINNERS: Benny the Rabbit, Zap Powerslam, & K@te!​

Danielle Kennedy: I… I think the team of Benny, Zap, & K@te won? Maybe? I don’t know, it was a bit muddy there.

Broc Lobster: I wouldn’t be so sure, Danielle! Looks like a second referee has arrived to protest the ruling.

The second referee slides into the ring, gesturing to the other team.

WINNERS: Chef Cross, Jack the Clipper, & Funky Fedora!

The first referee brushes the second referee’s ruling away.

WINNERS: Benny the Rabbit, Zap Powerslam, & K@te?

Benny the Rabbit is already leaving, mentally checked out. Zap Powerslam looks confused, which isn’t unusual for him. Let’s cut to a quick segment while we figure this out.

~/~|~\~

???: I see you.

These words greet us as we cut from the darkness to an extreme close up of an intense pair of eyes, staring straight ahead at the camera - a fire that would make everyone watching uncomfortable. The eyes narrow in disgust, in judgment, at the world watching.

???: You spend your lives hiding yourself from the world. Your inner desires, your fears, your dark thoughts, your shame… But my eyes are open, and I see all. Everything you fear is mine to behold, because I know the truth of things. I am a follower of the one true path that sees that once you strip away the flesh, all you get is the structure of man, and I plan to strip ALL of you down to your structure with enough fire to light up the heavens, so when you feel a chill on your back, and eyes on the back of your head…

There’s a dark, humorless chuckle. The eyes blink, before reopening. In the mirror of the pupils, two words are displayed in a bright, orange glow - two words that send chills down the spine of those who know.

GORO. OSAKI.

Goro Osaki: It's not your imagination. It’s the eyes of judgment upon you.

We cut to black.

~/~|~\~

We come back from this segment to check in on the referee’s call. They’re still arguing it out. Suddenly, the first referee pushes the second! The second pushes back! A third referee slides in and calls for the bell! Whoever wins this sudden referee vs referee match will be the decider for who wins the six-man tag!

Danielle Kennedy: I guess we have a bonus match here?

Broc Lobster: Neither of these referees have names… They’re not even from the referee PDF.

Danielle Kennedy: Nevertheless.
​

Referee 1 vs Referee 2
Winner decides the result of the previous match

How did we get here? The show has been on for like ten minutes and suddenly the referees have their own matches too?

After four minutes of what could be generously described as ‘shit’, the first referee finally punches the second in the jaw. Given that all referees are made of paper mache, the second referee crumbles like a ton of bricks. The first makes the cover.

WINNER: Referee 1​

Which means…

WINNERS: Benny the Rabbit, Zap Powerslam, & K@te!

At this point all of the actual wrestlers have left. The victorious referee celebrates, for some reason.

Broc Lobster: Don’t quit your day job, ref.

Danielle Kennedy: This seems… completely unnecessary.

Broc Lobster: At least we’ve got the final call on who won our opening match. I guess.

We fade to backstage, where the shenanigans - most notably the winners of the match with actual wrestlers in it, are replayed on a TV screen… With Jasmine Perlot watching on, ominously, an unseen figure beside her.

Jasmine Perlot: Interesting.

We cut to black.

~/~|~\~

Segment time! Aw shit we’re in the boiler room again. CHAOS is here, bouncing on the hard concrete floor of the room like it’s a bouncy castle. He really shouldn’t be getting that much height from a concrete floor but fuck it what do I know. He giggles, like a loony, before the door is gently pushed open.

???: Uh, CHAOS? We… We must talk.

It’s Nicodemus! The resident spookums guy! CHAOS gradually stops bouncing, as Nicodemus sheepishly wanders in. He idly kicks a balloon, which pops with a shriek of agony. Nicodemus stares, before clearing his throat.

Nicodemus: Perhaps… Perhaps we’ve gotten off on the wrong foot, so to say. I have… Spoken with the whispers of the forgotten, and I may have been a bit… Hasty, in my assumption of you.

CHAOS raises one of his eyebrows. I’m not telling you which one. (it’s the third one)

Nicodemus: Therefore, I offer… A truce. The banished ones speak of an upcoming war, and it would be wise to… Join forces. After all, better the devil you know, than the devil you don’t, right?

Nicodemus laughs, offering a hand. CHAOS glances at it with an expression akin to hunger, before slowly raising his hand to Nicodemus’.

Nicodemus: Yes… YES… TOGETHER WE WILL AAAAAFGHKRSGHKDGKRHK

As Nicodemus accepts the handshake, he suddenly starts vibrating, jolting, frothing at the mouth, as the joy buzzer concealed in CHAOS’s palm sends about 3,000 volts of electricity through his body. Most of the electricity goes to his kidneys. He’s going to be pissing blue for a few days.

Nicodemus slumps to the ground, gasping, as CHAOS releases the handshake. CHAOS laughs, before stomping into Nicodemus for good measure.

After a few minutes, we fade to black.

~/~|~\~

Danielle Kennedy: At some point this goober is going to learn to just… stay away from CHAOS. Right?

Broc Lobster: You’d think so, but I’ve looked at the sheet for next show and boy are no lessons learned. Regardless! Up next, Who? will be in action, against… Danielle, I think I know that man.

Danielle Kennedy: Say what?

Broc Lobster: Yeah! I commented on this guy during season 2 of Ground Zero! Dude was a breakout star and should’ve appeared in FWA proper at some point! Ladies and Gentlemen, MOTO MOTO!

Danielle Kennedy: I’ve never seen someone as wide as they are tall.

Broc Lobster: Who? has his work cut out tonight, Moto Moto’s a behemoth in the ring! Let’s fuckin’ gooooo!
​

Who? vs Moto Moto

The crow is FUCKING HOT for this match. Who? already is riding a wave of hype, and the unannounced appearance of Moto Fucking Moto, GZ2 Alumni, has everyone on their feet! This could be the worst match in history but the sheer reception given to these two men makes it fuckin’ amazing.

Who? is quick to action, relying on his agility and speed to keep out of the big, big man’s grasp. What Moto Moto lacks in maneuverability, he more than makes up with sheer strength. Who goes for the Wrath of the Rook, but Moto Moto is too big! He catches Who? in a bear hug! Thrashing him around for good measure! Who? struggles! The drama!

The hold is soon broken by an eardrum clap! Who? fights, taking Moto Moto to a corner with a series of forearms and kicks! He rocks the Insatiable with a headbutt, dazing him! Who? Puts Moto Moto’s legs on the second rope, grips him in the suplex position, and nails the Wrath of the Rook! He makes the cover!

WINNER: Who?​

Who? celebrates a hard-fought victory, as Moto Moto rolls out of the ring. The referee raises Who?’s hand in victory!

Broc Lobster: A great victory for Who?, making his one-on-one debut tonight! He has defeated the Insatiable Monster, Moto Moto! With no preparation for his surprise opponent, Who? might have a great future.

Danielle Kennedy: But what’s this? It’s Frankie Purejoy!

Indeed! Unbeknownst to Who?, Frankie Purejoy slides into the ring! He’s creeping on up on Who?! AND HE SPRAYS HIM IN THE EYES WITH THE AEROSOL CAN! HE FOLLOWS IT UP WITH A DDT! THE SPRAY & PRAY HITS!

Broc Lobster: Frankie Purejoy, that fiend! Save Who?, Moto Moto!

Moto Moto is too busy having a heartfelt conversation with several fans at ringside. Very heartfelt, actually. They’re exchanging phone numbers. Good for him.

Danielle Kennedy: Who?’s on his own, unfortunately! Damn that Frankie Purejoy!

Frankie Purejoy laughs, wheezing, before sauntering away, the deed done, as Who? slowly recovers, still somewhat blinded.

Broc Lobster: I’m getting word in my headset-

Danielle Kennedy: Why do you get words in your headset and I don’t?

Broc Lobster: -That this odd grudge between Frankie Purejoy & Who? will be addressed in next week’s episode, as the first order of business by nGw’s newest office employee, Chuck Winnington! I don’t know how, but he’s going to figure it out. And now, we have Nolee LaCroix in the studio, with the nGw Young Lion’s Champion and his newfound ally, Charles Newry and Aleksandar Anderson. Nolee?

~/~|~\~

Speaking of, it’s Nolee LaCroix, backstage with- ah I don’t need to repeat it, you heard. Nolee doesn’t bother with the reintroduction either, as her welcoming spiel is drowned out by Charles Newry & Aleksandar Anderson laughing uproariously. She looks vaguely annoyed.

Charles Newry: Ohoho, Aleksandar, you crack me up.

Nolee LaCroix: Care to share the joke, Newry?

Charles Newry: HA! As if a common citizen such as yourself would even fanthom to understand the wit and inguenity of Mr. Anderson's humor. You are as presumptuous as you are inefficient.

Nolee LaCroix: Rude.

Aleksandar Anderson: Not to worry, LaCroix, here's a joke even you would understand: Noach Van Der Cappallen!

The two start laughing again. Nolee contemplates an early retirement.

Nolee LaCroix: So this new alliance with y'all, wh-

Charles Newry: Alliance? PAH!

Aleksandar Anderson: PAH!

Charles Newry: PAH!

Aleksandar Anderson: PAH!

Charles Newry: PAH!

Aleksandar Anderson: PAH!

Charles Newry: PAH!

Aleksandar Anderson: PAH!

Charles Newry: PAH!

This goes on for several minutes, as Nolee quietly dies inside.

Aleksandar Anderson: What you see here is no mere alliance, LaCroix. This, this is a Brain Trust. The only men around here with a higher-than-average IQ count, the only men who use their minds rather than throwing themselves at a wall time and time again with no real plan. Unlike Cappallen, or Paradox, we prefer a more… Intellectual approach. It's only logical that we would soon join forces.

Charles Newry: Spot on, Aleksandar, spot on. We are of a similar breed, a completely different breed to that of Noach, or Paradox, or whatever other miscreant would see fit to stand in our way. We are the Brain Trust, and we-

???: You're a pair of arrogant buffoons, is what you are.

The interview is interrupted by Paradox approaching, and Noach Van Der Cappallen beside him! The two baby faces square up against the sneering intellectuals!

Noach Van Der Cappallen: 'Oh look at me, I graduated high school and fucked a thesaurus, oooh la dee da.' I'd call you two a pair of nerds but at least nerds don't try to be something they're not. You're not superior, you're not the standard, you're nothing but a pair of jacked up schmoes who binge watched QI.

Charles Newry: It's educational! Scram, you two! Both of you lost your shots, back of the line with you!

Paradox: Yeah, nah, see I've got an idea. The two of you, vs the two of us, next week. You win, and we'll go to the back of the line, fine. But we win, then we get a rematch at the PPV. Both of us do. Newry, Cappallen, and Para-

Aleksandar Anderson: Hold the phone there! You're not in any position to be making demands. Besides, Charles here has agreed to defend the belt against myself, in lieu of there being no real contenders.

Noach Van Der Cappallen: Oh, I ain't saying we take away your shot. We just add do it. Make it a four-way.

Charles Newry: Preposterous! This shan't happen. There is no way a duo of scavengers can defeat the Brain Trust.

Paradox: Then prove it. Fight us, prove it, and we won't say another word. But if we win, huh… You're a smart guy, figure out the odds of that happening. Right?

Paradox & Cappallen make their leave, while Newry quietly does the math in his head, before snorting with a chuckle. He shakes his head, and leaves. After a second of contemplation, Aleksandar Anderson follows.

~/~|~\~

Broc Lobster: Alliances formed within the Young Lion’s title scene! Infact, I’m getting word in my earpiece that Newry has accepted the challenge and Newry & Anderson vs Paradox & Cappallen will be taking place next week!

Danielle Kennedy: Neato! Banger, that’ll be. Speaking of bangers, next up, the rematch: Johnny Johnson took umbrage with him losing to Alejandro Giunti last week, and has demanded round two! Right here, right now, let’s get into it!
​

Alejandro Giunti vs Johnny Johnson

Much like last week, Giunti sprints into action with a cycle kick, eager to beat the piss out of Johnson. But Johnson is prepared this time, evading it and clocking Giunti with a elbow strike to the temple! He goes with a roll-up! ONE TWO TH-nah just kidding, Giunti kicks out, but I had you there, didn’t I? Johnson keeps the offense going, eager to get that rebound W, but Giunti manages to block or evade the more damaging strikes, until Johnson catches him with an arrant punch to the back of the neck, enabling him to hit a Manhattan Drop & Short-Arm Clothesline combo.

Johnson soon gets cocky, though, and his prutting enables Giunti to turn the tide and nail a Famouser! Giunti mounts a comeback, nailing a series of hurricuranas, sending Johnson spinning, followed by a springboard stunner! Johnson is dazed! Giunti goes for the TURBOxALEJANDRO, but Johnson ducks at the last second, and Giunti tumbles out of the ring! Johnson goes for a suidice dive, but Giunti catches him with a superkick! He rolls Johnson into the ring, and absconds to the top turnbuckle, going for the Mediterranian Landing!

But Johnson rolls out of the way before Giunti dives! Johnson rolls to the ropes, as Giunti steps down from the turnbuckle. Johnson rises to his feet on the apron, Giunti nails a forearm! As Giunti steps through the ropes to grab Johnson, Johnson kicks the middle rope, sending it clanging into Giunti’s junk! The air driven out, Giunti staggers, as Johnson rolls back into the ring, and grabs him in position for The Greatest Finisher! He makes the cover!

WINNER: Johnny Johnson​

Broc Lobster: He kicked him in the manpurse! That ain’t cool!

Danielle Kennedy: By hook, by crook, or by sending a rope whipping into Giunti’s nook, Johnson gets the win!

Johnson celebrates, patting himself on the back as he wipes his feet on Giunti’s body. He seems very proud of himself, the jerkbag. He exits the ring, bowing, while Giunti recovers, glaring daggers at the self-professed ‘Legend.’

Broc Lobster: This is far from over, Danielle.

Danielle Kennedy: yeah no shit dude.

Broc Lobster: But for now, we’re going to hear from Heidi Blackthorn, who is set to challenge the nGw Champion at the next PPV. Here’s an exclusive few words from her, filmed after she won the Battle Royal a few weeks ago.

~/~|~\~

Backstage after an impressive in ring debut for the promotion, Heidi Blackthorn makes her way backstage. There is an interview area with a black backdrop, the nGw logo plastered over it in a pattern with various sponsors. Still in her ring gear, we get a glimpse of Heidi. The German’s dark hair has various braids in it which flow as she walks in. Her black attire of a braw, shorts, boots, and knee pads has stripes and almost web-like designs over it with a mix of red and yellow. She takes a sip of water before removing her gloves.

Heidi Blackthorn: Well, that is how you make a debut for a new promotion?

As she speaks she does have a slight German accent, though she is perfectly confident speaking English.

Heidi Blackthorn: Next Generation wrestling makes a grand return after a hiatus and they put eighteen people in one battle royal and this woman, no experience in America outlasts the entire field and finds herself one stone’s throw away from being World Champion. This may surprise many of you.

Your Vicious Idol chuckles and shows a confident grin.

Heidi Blackthorn: But no. Not to me! nGw is on its way to learning what many in my home continent already know. Vicious is a way of life. You need to walk on the wild side to succeed and I have crafted this mindset throughout my entire life all for this…

She points down to the ground.

Heidi Blackthorn: To be the most proficient professional wrestler I can be. I came to America to be your worldwide Vicious Idol. So when nGw came knocking, knowing that this promotion can open even more doors, I stepped up. Tonight was the first of many. To be nGw World Champion would just be me taking my future into my own hands. With that, it leads me to… a certain so-called champion.

Heidi rolls her eyes.

Heidi Blackthorn: Stu Grimes? Stu Grimes my ass! Do you take me for a naive little girl!? That is not Stu Grimes, it was The Boulder! It was a joke of a man! nGw, the future of professional wrestling should not be represented by a clown of a man... And he is not a literal clown like the man I last eliminated! This is not dress-up time! This company has clowns. Who? A techno Vampire and a Bunny? This is a circus. But if this is a circus, consider me it's ringmaster! I can’t wait to play my games with roster. Bend everyone into two. I can’t wait to tie them all in knots! It is the dawn of a new generation…

Going up to the camera, Heidi has a wild look in her eyes.

Heidi Blackthorn: The Vicious Generation! Whether it is Stu Grimes, a Boulder, or a Pebble, I will become nGw World Champion and everyone will learn what being Vicious REALLY means…

She gives a wink and does a small wave to the camera.

Heidi Blackthorn: Tschüss, Freunde.

The number one contender grabs her water bottle and takes a sip as she walks away, introducing herself properly to the nGw fans.

~/~|~\~

Danielle Kennedy: Strong words by Heidi! Our nGw Champion is doubtlessly taking notice - as is Salvador Grimm, no doubt.

Broc Lobster: If The Bo-uh, Stu Grimes, successfully defends his title against Salvador Grimm, he’ll go forth to defend it against Heidi at nGw: The Old Man Next Door Thinks His House Is Haunted!

Danielle Kennedy: And if Salvador Grimm wins the title?

Broc Lobster: It’ll be Blackthorn vs Grimm instead! Grimm is a darkhorse contender, but all it’ll take is one three count to upset history.

Danielle Kennedy: And now, it’s time for the main event! We Do Exist take on The Lumberjacks & The Internet Anti-H8 Squad for the nGw tag titles! With the Crimson Knights waiting in the wings, who will be the champions going in to The Old Man Next Door Thinks His House Is Haunted?
​

nGw Tag Team Championships
We Do Exist © vs The Internet Anti-H8 Squad vs The Lumberjacks

It’s a chaotic three-way dance for our main event! Dan LuPone & Doug LuPone of The Lumberjacks have the size, Tyranus of We Do Exist has a cold, calculated hunger, while Smaug of We Do Exist has an almost ravenous hunger, and Nathan Station & Akira Yoshida of TIAH8S have sneaky-sneak speedy tactics. Lumberjacks & WDE start out on top, both with the size and strength factors, forcing TIAH8S to pick and choose their spots, sliding in when the time is right to pick a few bones and build momentum, only for the other team to throw them back out again and again. We Do Exist have a ravenous, almost chaotic violence to them, while The Lumberjacks utilize their main roster experience to hold the fort, more often than not, and ensure neither of the other teams can stay hot for long.

Soon, however, Dan LuPone makes the mistake of going for a suicide dive on TIAH8S, who managed to avoid the dive and start picking him apart. Meanwhile, We Do Exist drag Doug LuPone out of the ring, and start tearing him to shreds. Separated and outnumbered, The Lumberjacks to struggle to fight back, before being separately overwhelmed. WDE & TIAH8S both roll into the ring, and take the fight to each other! We Do Exist soon take command using their savagery to keep TIAH8S on the backstep - but a miscommunication ensures TIAH8S are able to catch Smaug with a belly-to-belly/powerbomb combo, leaving Tyranus to take the reigns. Temporarily outnumbered, Tyranus starts to fall to TIAH8S quick kicks and strikes - before catching both members of TIAH8S with a double chokehold! Before he can nail a double chokeslam, Doug LuPone interrupts it with a big boot! TIAH8S scurry away, as Tyranus & Doug LuPone trade blows! Smaug & Dan LuPone rejoin the effort!

This bombastic brawling is finally felled, when TIAH8S catches Smaug with a low bridge and takes him out of the ring. The two swarm him, driving him into the steel steps! Meanwhile, in the ring, The Lumberjacks take down Tyranus with the TIMBEEERRRRRRR!!!!!!! Before they can make the cover, TIAH8S drag Dan LuPone out of the ring, Akira Yoshida grabbing him in a German Suplex! Nathan Station hits the corkscrew dropkick! Dan LuPone goes through the announce table! Doug LuPone exits the ring to get revenge, and The Internet Anti-H8 Squad split! One goes left, the other goes right, Doug LuPone chases Akira Yoshida, as Nathan Station slides into the ring! Station makes the cover! Doug LuPone sees it but Akira wraps himself around Doug’s leg! One, two, three!

WINNERS: The Internet Anti-H8 Squad​

Broc Lobster: We’ve got new champions!

Danielle Kennedy: The Internet Anti-H8 Squad patrolled outside the ring, dividing and conquering and pecking away, until the opportunity presented itself! They stole it, the jerks - but stole it cleverly!

Boc Lobster: This may have been the last hurrah for The Lumberjacks as they go full-time onto the main roster, and unfortunately they were unable to defeat The Internet Anti-H8 Squad. Meanwhile, We Do Exist will have to retreat, recoup, and figure out what the future holds. And this means that Crimson Knights will be battling The Internet Anti-H8 Squad in two weeks time, at the PPV!

The new tag champions celebrate, while Doug LuPone smacks a fist against the apron in anger, before tending to his brother. Meanwhile, Smaug drags Tyranus out of the ring, and begins guiding him back up the ramp, scowling. Nathan Station & Akira Yoshida jaw-jack, proud of themselves, as we fade to black…

~/~|~\~

Ring ring.

Ring ring.

Ring ring.

Huh, that’s weird, that sounds like a phone. We return from black, and-

Ring ring.

Oh, it IS a phone. Is this a post credits scene? Shit, are we Marvel? The phone continues ringing, while in the background aimless, indecipherable chatter grows, drowning out the ringing. Bodies pass the phone as it rings, until-

???: Caller #10, you’re on the line.

Smash cut to black.

-=-=-=-

NEXT TIME, ON NGW:
The nGw Championship is on the line, with the winner going on to face Heidi Blackthorn at nGw: The Old Man Next Door Thinks His House Is Haunted!
Stu Grimes (c) vs Salvador Grimm
~/~|~\~
Paradox & Noach Van Der Cappallen vs Charles Newry & Aleksandar Anderson
If Paradox & Cappallen win, they get a nGw Young Lion's title shot
~/~|~\~
Nicodemus will be in action! Somehow.
~/~|~\~
Kung Fu Boom will be in action! Somehow.
~/~|~\~
Chuck Winnington Hosts: Take A Risk, Spin That Disc!
Starring Frankie Purejoy & Who?
~/~|~\~
Alejandro Giunti faces off with Johnny Johnson!
~/~|~\~
Keiko Hirabayashi gives Jasmine Perlot her answer!
~/~|~\~
We may hear from new signees, Goro Osaki & Caller #10!
~/~|~\~
And potentially more, depending on our budget. One last stop before the PPV!​

 

[Rosie]

Heidi is the normal one on a roster of clowns.

 

[Jazz Wolf]

It’s a cold open! First was so nice we’ll do it again. We join Zap Powerslam, winner (I guess) of last show’s six-man tag along with Benny the Rabbit and K@te. He is walking down a hallway, breathing heavily, his face a bright red huff of nerves. He’s found a tie from somewhere and tied it to where his neck should be. He’s also shirtless, but then again shirts don’t fit him, so what can you do. He stops before a door, squinting.

- JASMINE PERLOT -
Director of Internal Affairs

With a deep breath, psyching himself up, he knocks gently on the door.

The door caves in from his thunderous doesn’t-know-his-own-strength fist, and his face somehow turns redder.

Someone within the room clears their throat.

???: The door opens. You don’t have to break it, it opens. Have you never seen a door befo-nevermind. I assume you’re my 9:30?

Zap Powerslam: Y-Yes sir. I-Yes ma’am.

???: Come in, then. Take a seat, and don’t break it.

Zap does so, awkwardly shuffling his giant frame through the door, and gentle sitting himself down on a tiny, tiny chair. It makes an ominous cracking sound beneath his size. Before him stands the desk of Jasmine Perlot, Bell Connelly’s sitcom arch-nemesis. I mean, you saw the sign on the door, who else were you expecting. Behind the desk is Jasmine herself, with her studious assistant Monica Masters and her clipboard in tow. She steeples her fingers in a Mr. Burns kind of way. You know the one.

Jasmine Perlot: Zap Powerhouse, is it?

Zap Powerslam: P-P-P-Powerslam, ma’am.

Jasmine Perlot: Okay. Don’t care. You have five minutes. Go.

Zap spends the next four minutes frozen, stammering and stuttering over himself while sweating tremendously. A puddle starts to form on the floor under him. Eventually, Monica Masters takes pity on him and mouths ‘client.’

Zap Powerslam: Client! I would like to be your client, take you up on your managerial services, t-that sort of thing.

Jasmine Perlot: I gathered. What makes you think you would be a better client than anyone else?

Zap Powerslam: Well… Uh… I’m big.

Jasmine Perlot: Okay.

Zap Powerslam: And muscular.

Jasmine Perlot: Uh-huh.

Zap Powerslam: I won last week.

Jasmine Perlot: There’s debate to be had about that.

Zap Powerslam: A-And I can do THIS!

Zap flexes, and starts bouncing his pecs. Monica Masters stares, mesmerized. Mildly disgusted, Jasmine Perlot glances at her watch.

Jasmine Perlot: … Four… Three… Two… And one, time’s up. I must say, Zip-

Zap Powerslam: Zap.

Jasmine Perlot: -you’ve made an impressively poor case for yourself. Four minutes of stammering, forty seconds of tepid shallow reasoning, and twenty seconds of pec bouncing. I don’t think you’re who I’m looking for in terms of client services at all - you’re an uncoordinated bigfoot of a man with less than a third of the intrigue. Sure, there’s money to be had with a look and not much else, but you just don’t have the… Attitude, I’m looking for with someone. I’m looking for a type of… Elegance, and I don’t think there’s anything elegant about you, Zoop.

Zap seems disappointed in the situation, but nods.

Zap Powerslam: I-I understand. T-T-Thank you for your time.

Jasmine Perlot: Are you arguing with me?

Zap Powerslam: What? No!

Jasmine Perlot: It sounds like you’re arguing with me after I’ve given you my answer.

Zap Powerslam: I’m not???

Jasmine Perlot: There’s no need to be so temperamental, Zup. Please, settle down, or I will be forced to call someone.

Zap Powerslam: I’m sorry, I think there’s been a misunderstanding.

Jasmine Perlot: That does it!

Jasmine Perlot whistles, and from behind someone attacks Zap Powerslam! It’s Keiko Hirabayashi! As Zap stammers, Keiko immediately grabs him in the Elegant Dream! Zap Powerslam makes a guttural noise, as Keiko chokes him out, slumping. The chair finally breaks under Zap’s dead weight, and Keiko releases the hold.

Jasmine Perlot: Thank you Keiko. I knew you would be a good investment. We’re going to need a new chair, though.

Keiko Hirabayashi sits down on the unconscious Zap Powerslam’s back, crossing her legs daintily.

Keiko Hirabayashi: Will we?

Jasmine Perlot: ... Perhaps not.

Cut to black.

We pan around the studio, looking at several signs in the audience. Most of them are about people on the main roster and not nGw, so we’re ignoring them. Zoom in on Broc Lobster & Danielle Kennedy at ringside, quick, before a sign for Reagan Cole is aired!

Broc Lobster: Whaddup. I’m ‘The Quiver from the River,’ Broc Lobster!

Danielle Kennedy: And I’m ‘Midnight Pancakes’ Daniele Kennedy! We’re at the go-home show for nGw: The Old Man Next Door Thinks His House Is Haunted, and the last few setups for the last few matches will be confirmed tonight! In our main event, a boulder-like Stu Grimes defends his nGw Championship against Salvador Grimm, with the winner going on to face Heidi Blackthorne at the PPV!

Broc Lobster: Meanwhile, the tag team division heats up in a little preview of the PPV’s championship match, as the champions, The Internet Anti-H8 Squad, team up with Eye Of The Beholder, to face off against Crimson Knights & Toxic Wonderland!

Danielle Kennedy: The rivalries between Johnny Johnson & Alejandro Giunti, and Frankie Purejoy & Who?, ascend to the next step! And finally, the nGw Young Lion’s Championship scene gets confirmed, as Charles Newry & Aleksandar Anderson take on Roach ‘The Roach’ Van Der Cappallen & Paradox, in tonight’s opening contest!

Broc Lobster: And that match is… RIGHT NOW LET’S GOOOOO-
​

The Brain Trust (Charles Newry & Aleksandar Anderson) vs Noach ‘The Roach’ Van Der Cappallen & Paradox
If The Brain Trust win, it will be Newry vs Anderson for the Young Lion’s Championship takes place at nGw: The Old Man Next Door Thinks His House Is Haunted
If Cappallen & Paradox win, it will be Newry vs Anderson vs Cappallen vs Paradox for the Young Lion’s Championship takes place at nGw: The Old Man Next Door Thinks His House Is Haunted
Desperate to keep their encounter a pure 1v1 match, The Brain Trust immediately put the boots to their opponents, notably Noach Van Der Cappallen. With quick tags and quicker fists, they beat down Cappallen with gusto, eager to close the door on Paradox & Cappallen’s title chances. But must like his nickname, Noach is unsquashable, and eventually makes the hot tag to Paradox, who cleans house!

On a tear, Paradox boots the stuffing out of The Brain Trust, very nearly getting a pinfall on the champion before Anderson breaks it up. But it’s a cheap shot to the eye by Newry that turns the tide once more, and now Paradox is playing the face-in-peril while Cappallen tries to nab a hot tag! After a miscommunication, Paradox makes the tag, and Cappallen throws himself around like a dodgeball, keeping the Brain Trust on the backstep! He dropkicks Newry out of the ring, while Paradox catches Anderson with a Soul Splitter! Cappallen capitalizes with the BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH YAH YAH YAH, sloppy as it is, and he gets the pinfall!

WINNERS: Noach ‘The Roach’ Van Der Cappallen & Paradox​

Danielle Kennedy: That confirms it! The nGw Young Lion’s Championship will be defende din a fatal-four-way match at the PPV!

Broc Lobster: Charles Newry vs Aleksandar Anderson vs Noach Van Der Cappallen vs Paradox! This story is a long time brewing, but we’re going to see the end of it come the PPV!

Furious, Newry chucks a hissyfit, as Paradox & Cappallen celebrate with a handshake, and a somewhat tense staredown. There can be only one winner in the end, after all, as we fade to black…

-=-=-=-

Bright lights! A jazz band! A big stage! A live studio audience! An overproduced opening! A middleaged man in a yellow sequined suit doing an awkward dance as the music fades away!

Voice-over: And now, feuds are facilitated and rivalries are rejuvenated, on tonight’s episode of Spin The Disc, Take A Risk, with your host… All the way from the Winner’s Circle, you might know him from other highly successful gameshows such as Sausage or Finger, Who’s My Uncle, and Right For The Wrong Reasons, ladies and gentlemen, it’s CHUCK WINNINGTON!

I don’t know who that voice over guy was but they’re eanring their paycheck. The middleaged man in a tacky suit finally stops dancing as a studio audience cheers and whoops, breaking out into a ‘CHUCKIE DUB’ chant.

Chuck Winnington: Thank you, thank you! I am indeed Chuck Winnington, and you’re watching nGw’s Number One game show, Spin The Disc, Take A Risk!

More cheers and applause! I guess for those who weren’t listening to the voiceover.

Chuck Winnington: Tonight, our contestants put another chapter in their storied rivalry, with us helping of course. Let’s meet our contestants - to my left on the blue podium, Who?!

Who? pops on stage to Chuck’s left, waving politely to a cheering crowd. His suit isn't as gaudy as Chucks, but hey, there was an attempt.

Who?: Pleasure to be here, Chuck! I must say, I loved you on Sausage or Finger.

Chuck Winnington: Oh, stop, you’re making me blush. What’s your strategy for tonight, Who?

Who?: I’m going to put myself out there, do my best, and make it a win.

Chuck Winnington: I like your attitude! Let’s give one free Whammy Point to Who?!

There’s a ding somewhere. One WHAMMY POINT TO WHO?! ... what's a whammy po-

Chuck Winnington: And to my right, on the red podium… Frankie Purejoy.

Frankie Purejoy appears to a loud series of booing by the audience. He hisses, much like a vampire. He didn't even bother getting a horrible tacky suit, he's just got his trackeuit and stuck a bowtie on it.

Chuck Winnington: Franke, what’s your approach going to be tonight?

Frankie Purejoy: Approach?!? There IS no approach, this is a TV Game Show, shit’s rigged up the wazoo - It’s all fake, just like the so-called Climate Change Sci-

Chuck Winnington: Minus one Whammy Point from Frankie.

Frankie Purejoy: THE FUCK

There’s another ding. This one sounds disappointed.

Chuck Winnington: Frankie, Who, behind me is the eponymous Disc. On this Disc is no less than eight slots, four of which contain a unique stipulation for your match at nGw: The Old Man Next Door Thinks His House Is Haunted. The other four are blank - whoever wins a round will be able to add their own stipulation to the Disc, in hopes they when the Disc is spun at the end of the show, their added stipulation will be chosen. Any questions?

Frankie Purejoy: Yeah, what’s with the Whammy Points…?

Chuck Winnington: Whoever has the most Whammy Points will be able to SPIN THE DISC, TAKE A RISK!

Roaring applause for the title drop, as Chuck gestures to the giant spinning disc behind him.

Chuck Winnington: And now, for round one! Frankie, Who?, this is a pure trivia contest. First to buzz in with an acceptable answer wins. Your question is… How many members are there in the FWA Group, Cthulu’s Nephews?

BUZZ! Frankie Purejoy buzzes in!

Frankie Purejoy: Seven. No, eight. Seven!

Chuck Winnington: Incorrect! So very incorrect! Who?, your chance to steal it with an acceptable answer.

Who?: The amount of Nephews is … More than you could ever know.

Chuck Winnington: That… Is an acceptable answer! Go put a stipulation on the board!

Frankie Purejoy: WHAT?!? That’s a copout answer!

Chuck Winnington: Who?, what’s your stipulation?

Who?: A Last Blood match! It’s like the opposite of First Blood, the last one bleeding loses.

Chuck Winnington: Clever! Let’s move on to round two: Spot the Faker! I’m going to show you a series of images, and you have to choose which is the odd one out and why. Get it right, and you’ll put a stipulation on the wheel! First to buzz in with the correct answer wins! Let’s go!

Purejoy & Who? turn their attention to the big screen, as a series of images flash. In order:
- Danny Toner
- A printer cartridge
- Ronald McDonald
- A blow-up doll
- Michelle Von Horrowitz
- A piece of paper folded into a swan

Who? buzzes in!

Who?: Michelle Von Horrowitz is the odd one out.

Chuck Winnington: How so?

Who?: All the others are part of the illustrious Toner Clan. Danny, Printer, Ronny, Dolly, & Origami. Michelle is just Danny’s crush.

Chuck Winnington: CORRECT! Who?, you may add a stipulation to the board.

Who?: I am adding a ‘Chess Rules’ stipulation to the board.

Frankie Purejoy: What the hell is that?

Who?: You’ll find out if the disc lands on it!

Chuck Winnington: Round three! Balance this ping pong ball on your nose the longest.

A ping pong ball is handed to each contestant. The two start balancing the ball, and immediately Frankie takes off one of his shoes and hurls it at Who?! Who? drops the ball!

Who?: The hell, man.

Chuck Winnington: Frankie Purejoy wins this one! Frankie, add a stipulation to the disc.

Frankie Purejoy: Easy. Who? unmasks.

Chuck Winnington: … If he wins or if he loses?

Frankie Purejoy: WHICHEVER BABY

Chuck Winnington: I’ll allow it. Final round! Here’s some sand. Tell me what geographical area this sand is from.

A trapdoor on the roof opens, and sand starts pouring out into the middle of the studio. A lot of sand. Seconds pass and the sand fall doesn’t stop. Frankie Purejoy sticks a finger into the sandfall and licks it.

Frankie Purejoy: I know that sand anywhere - That’s Australian sand. Gibson Desert sand, if I’m not mistaken.

Who?: Did you just eat sand…?

Chuck Winnington: Frankie Purejoy is correct! Frankie, the last space on the disc is yours.

Frankie Purejoy: I’m putting in Who? unmasks again.

Who?: … Really?

Chuck Winnington: With that, the disc is full, and it’s time to SPIN THAT DISC, TAKE A RISK! Who?, you have the most Whammy Points, you may SPIN THAT DISC.

Frankie Purejoy: Wait there was never a chance to get more Whammy Points…?

Chuck Winnington: Quiet you.

Who? spins the disc! It rattles and shakes, eventually landing on…

Chuck Winnington: Mask vs Mask! That settles it! Frankie Purejoy vs Who? will have the added stipulation of-

Frankie Purejoy: Haha I don’t care this, doesn’t effect me.

Chuck Winnington: Oh, yes it does! If Who? loses, then they must remove their mask. But if you, Frankie, lose, you must put on a mask!

Frankie Purejoy: … What.

Chuck Winnington: MASK VS MASK.

Frankie Purejoy: I don’t-

Chuck Winnington: Thank you for tuning in to this special edition of SPIN THE DISC…

The audience finishes it off with a loud 'TAKE A RISK’, cheering, as we fade to black…

-=-=-=-

Broc Lobster: ... Y'know Bell said we'd have a game studio somewhere backstage, but I didn't think we did.

Danielle Kennedy: I mean, you can't just have a regular backstage interview with Chuckie Dubs, dude's a game host.

Broc Lobster: Huh.

Danielle Kennedy: Next up, Goro Osaki makes his debut!

Broc Lobster: I’m told that Goro Osaki explicitly requested this match against Nicodemus for his debut, to, quote, ‘determine Nicodemus’ true reliability of a ‘Speaker of the Damned.’ Or something. Let’s see how he does!
​

Goro Osaki vs Nicodemus
The bell rings, Nicodemus takes a step forward -

And a revving chainsaw shoves it’s way through the mat from underneath. Goro Osaki & Nicodemus watch on, in varying degrees befuddlement, as the chainsaw carves a circle in the mat. The hole is completed, and CHAOS pops his head out! Nicodemus shits himself. Goro Osaki has the kind of expression one has after leaving a meal in the microwave not long enough. CHAOS locks eyes with Nicodemus, and Nicodemus shits himself again.

As Goro Osaki watches impassively, CHAOS grabs Nicodemus by the foot and promptly drags him under the ring, shrieking. He vanishes with a yelp.

The referee doesn’t seem too pressed to do anything.

After a few seconds, the ‘hole’ seems to make a belching noise, before vomiting a haggard and disarrayed Nicodeus back to the surface. Nicodemus slowly staggers to his feet, and Goro Osaki immediately nails him with Master’s Retribution and pins him.

WINNER: Goro Osaki​

Goro immediately leaves the ring, looking decidedly unimpressed. Not even giving Nicodemus a second glance. Nicodemus rolls out of the ring, miserable, as some stagehands hurriedly work to fix CHAOS’s hole.

Broc Lobster: … I don’t think Goro Osaki got the answer he was looking for.

Danielle Kennedy: Well. He got a W on his debut. That’s a good answer, just not an answer to his search.

Broc Lobster: … What IS his search?

Danielle Kennedy: I’m sure we’ll find out.

-=-=-=-

???: So… Do you prefer Nightcall, or Caller #10, or-

???: Either is fine, my guy.

We fade in to the office of nGw General Manager Bell Connelly, with the latest signing, Caller #10. Bell is tapping on a keyboard, while Caller #10 is leaning over her shoulder, pointing at the screen occasionally.

Caller #10: You don't have to include the hashtag.

Bell Connelly: Hashtags are fun. I'm including the hashtag. Y'know, they said I was silly to offer a nGw contract to someone who didn’t answer a FWA trivia hotline contest correctly, but look who’s laughing now?

Caller #10: I mean, I'm pretty giggly.

Bell Connelly: Samesies! So lemme give you the tour-

Caller #10: Real quick, when am I making my debut?

Bell Connelly: Oh, probably on the next PPV. Have you seen Chuck Winnington’s game show set?

Caller #10: You have a game show set?

Bell Connelly: Sure do! It’ll make having Carrot In A Box easier to produce.

Caller #10: Cool. So who am I facing?

Bell Connelly: I dunno. Whoever comes through the door next. That’s usually how I book matches.

Caller #10 looks at the door expectantly. Bell also looks at the door, hoping for an easy answer for her job. Minutes pass. Bell starts throwing pencils at the ceiling. Caller #10 joins in.

Bell Connelly: Oh you're good at this.

Suddenly, a knock on the door! The door creaks open, and in steps… Goro Osaki?!?

Goro Osaki: Connelly. Nicodemus was not the kind I was looking for.

Bell Connelly: Aw shucks. Yeah he’s really shallow as a character. Sorry ‘bout that.

Caller #10: What, uh, kinda thing are you looking for?

Goro Osaki: Hush. This does not concern you.

Caller #10: It concerns me if I want it to concern me.

Goro Osaki glances at Caller #10's being, first annoyed, then bemused, before smirking.

Goro Osaki: Hmph. Myself and my associates are… On the search for an individual. A leader. Of drive and charisma. Nicodemus spoke of such, but I found his presence to be… Lacking.

Bell Connelly: Yeah, that thing with CHAOS really doesn’t help his chances. On the plus side, I can’t think of a better possible shout for a leader with drive and charisma than Mr. Nightcall beside you.

Caller #10: Yeah! I’m that. What of it?

Goro Osaki: Hm. I do not believe you. However, if you were to best me in the squared circle, then perhaps there may be a bite to your bark. And perhaps I may find that presence I require.

Bell Connelly: Looks like it’s a date! Caller #10 vs Goro Osaki at the PPV! Book it!

Caller #10: Don’t you book it?

Bell Connelly: Oh. Yeah, I do, forgot about that.

Bell starts typing away, as we fade to black...

-=-=-=-

Danielle Kennedy: Two of nGw’s newest acquisitions clash at the PPV! Goro won earlier tonight, while Caller #10 makes his in-ring debut at the PPV!

Broc Lobster: Up next, the tag team division is in action! The number one contendors, Crimson Knights, team up with their allies (?) Toxic Wonderland, to take on the champions, The Internet Anti-H8 Squad, and Eye Of The Beholder!
​

Crimson Knights & Toxic Wonderland vs The Internet Anti-H8 Squad & Eye Of The Beholder
The babyfaces take to this with aplomb, using high-energy offense and their familiarity with each other to create a chemistry and keep the champions & E/O|T\B on the backburner. Eager to make a statement heading in to their title match, Zip Strider & AJ King make a beeline to take the fight to Nathan Station & Akira Yoshida, yet TIAH8S tag out to E/O|T\B every time, forcing little to no interaction between the champions and the number one contenders.

This soon comes back to bite them, as Charisma Trent & Bobby Fettlewhittick both take a powder as Crimson Knights build up a lightning storm of offense, making a blind tag to Nathan Station. Crimson Knights light up the tag champs with a flurry of strikes! Crimson Knights call for the ultimate statement, What Never Comes, but Akira Yoshida manages to prevent the deadly tag finisher! Crimson Knights chase Akira out of the ring, Nathan Station makes a tag to Charisa Trent! The champions look to do a repeat of their previous encounter and bail, but this time Crimson Knights are aware, and tag in Toxic Wonderland to take the fight while they go after TIAH8S!

As the champions and their future opponents trade blows on the ramp, E/O|T\D gain a second wind against Toxic Wonderland, and manage to outmaneuver the roadie rock duo! They hit The Close-Up on Hunter Havok! They make the cover as Crimson Knights run in to break it up, but they’re too late!

WINNERS: The Internet Anti-H8 Squad & Eye Of The Beholder​

Eye Of The Beholder celebrate, as a stagehand passes them some champagne. This doesn’t seem to call for champagne, but fuck it what do I know. They clink glasses in victory as Crimson Knights watch on, annoyed, when suddenly The Internet Anti-H8 Squad strike Crimson Knights from behind, stomping them down with gusto!

Broc Lobster: A victory for The Internet Anti-H8 Squad & Eye Of The Beholder, but the story isn’t over yet for the tag team division! TIAH8S - god that’s a mouthful to say - continue to beat down their challengers after the match!

Danielle Kennedy: Rude and uncalled for! Surely someone will stop them!

Eye Of The Beholder joins in on the beatdown, a touch less into it - they’re still sipping champagne, after all, as they kick Zip Strider in the mouth.

Danielle Kennedy: Well, yeah, I wasn’t expecting help from them, but surely Toxic Wonderland-

Spencer Von Starr & Hunter Havok glance at the commotion in the ring, and shrug, before leaving.

Danielle Kennedy: THEY SHOOK HANDS DANGIT

Broc Lobster: They must’ve decided that it’s not their fight! Crimson Knights are on their own!

Toxic Wonderland make their way up the ramp, but on the way they’re passed by Kung Fu Boom, running in with a pair of kendo sticks! Kung-Fu Boom slide into the ring - E/O|T\D bail, wisely, while the champions are clocked with some wild strikes!

Danielle Kennedy: Kung-Fu Boom! Kung-Fu Boom! Karl & Jimmy to the rescue! Remember, The Internet Anti-H8 Squad bailed on a 4-4 match not too long ago, costing Kung-Fu Boom a possible contendership position!

Akira & Nathan bail, reeling, while Kung-Fu Boom help Crimson Knights back to their feet. The challengers stare down TIAH8S, before shaking hands with Kung-Fu Boom, as we fade to black.

-=-=-=-=-

We’re backstage once more! Golly I love the backstage area. It’s so atmospheric, don’t you agree?

Anyway.

We join Johnny Johnson, with Nolee LaCriox standing by. Nolee looks like she’s rather be at the DMV, as Johnny postures, smug.

Johnny Johnson: See this watch? Worth more than your yearly paycheck.

Nolee LaCroix: Great. Johnny, you requested this time, so the floor is yours. What’s up, buttercup?

Johnny Johnson: I’d like to take this moment to announce that, having righted the wrong that was done to me by Nouveru Richie, Alejandro Gunti-

Nolee LaCroix: Giunti.

Johnny Johnson: Shut it. With Alejandro in the rear view, I’d like to announce my intentions of moving on to bigger, better things. Namely, it’s time JJ got some gold to match this watch. Maybe the Young Lion’s, or the World, hell I could find a stooge and grab the Tag Titles - point is, this time next month, you’ll be looking at a ch-

???: Looking at a CHUMP.

GASP! It’s Alejandro Giunti, gatecrashing the scene! He strolls right on up, as Johnny Johnson’s face curls in distaste.

Alejandro Giunti: Sorry, Nolee, I don’t mean to interrupt-

Johnny Johnson: The hell are you apologizing to her for?!? This is MY TIME you’re interrupting, didn’t I teach you to keep your nose out of my business, kid?

Alejandro Giunti: You might’ve, but as Kevin Cromwell - or as I call him, K-Dawg - can attest, I’m not the best listener when it comes to being a student. And I don’t think we’re done, Johnny.

Johnny Johnson: Uh-nuh. I kicked your ass, I got my win back, if you got a problem with that, invest in a cup.

Alejandro Giunti: We’re done when I say we’re done, Johnny. And I say we’re not done, not yet. So I’m going to make this nice and simple for you - I got a win, you got a win, we’re 1-1. I say we break the tie. You and me at the PPV, two out of three falls.

Johnny Johnson: Beat it, squirt, I ain’t interested.

Alejandro Giunti: You’re not? Oh, that’s a shame, Bell already got the match approved and booked.

Johnny Johnson: What?!?

Alejandro Giunti: What, you think you’re the only one who can throw money around and buy a rematch? That’s cute. See you at the PPV, Johnny.

With a smug smirk, Alejandro nods at Nolee LaCroix, before leaving a fuming Johnny Johnson in a huff. Johnny raises a hand, then lets out a groan.

Nolee LaCroix: ... So, any thoughts on the match with Al-

Johnny Johnson: This interview is over.

-=-=-=-

Broc Lobster: And now – for our main event! The nGw title is on the line, as The Bould-uh. Stu Grimes, defends his gold against Salvador Grimm, in the final defense before we hit the PPV!

Danielle Kennedy: Whoever wins this one will be going up against Heidi Blackthorne, who has been waiting not-so-patiently for this title shot to arrive. Who will face her when the bell rings? Salvador Grimm, or Stu Grimes? Only one way to find out!
​

Salvador Grimm vs ‘The Boulder’ Stu Grimes
With a solid 200+ pounds over his opponent, Stu Grimes finds it relatively easy to prevent Grimm from creating a sustained offense. With primarily clubbing offense, Grimes utilizes his bulk and mass to stay on a vertical base and swat away Grimm’s luchador offense. He even starts showboating, cocky as all as, and motions for the Moonsault early! Oddly enough however he quickly seems to lose his confidence and grace once he starts climbing the turnbuckles. He looks lost, even. One could even go as far to say that Stu Grimes appears to have forgotten how to perform his finisher.

Of course, this opens the door wiiiiiide open for Salvador Grimm to take advantage, who not only kicks the ropes to Grimes splits himself on the turnbuckle, but he springs onto the ropes and takes Grimes down with a massive ring-shaking super hurricurana! Wowzers! Grimm seizes the offense, keeping Grimes down with a series of springboard maneuverers, refusing to allow Grimes to get back to a vertical base! A moonsault, a leg drop, a regular ol’ frog splash, any damage he can do to the big man without allowing him to get up, he does so. He even goes for the Grim Ending, but Grimes moves out of the way at the last second, finding the ring awareness to roll under the ropes and outside the ring. Sensing the opportunity leaving, Salvador runs after him with a suicide dive, but Grimes plucks him out of mid air and throws him at the ropes before catching him on rebound with a wicked lariat!

With Grimm dazed, Grimes throws him back into the ring. He signals for the Max-Out! At least that’s a move he remembers how to do. Salvador struggles, attempting to turn it into a jackknife cover, but Stu is too beeeeeg! He is still successful in manoeuvring out of the powerbomb, taking Grimes out at the knees with a series of kicks, and goes for the Fate Worse Than Death! Grimes blocks it, and goes for a jackknife cover of his own?!?

One!

Two!

Salvador is struggling, but Grimes is too heavy to kick off of him!

THREE!

WINNER: ‘The Boulder’ Stu Grimes​

Broc Lobster: Stu Grimes retains! … With a variation of a schoolboy rollup, of all things.

Danielle Kennedy: That much mass rolling on top of someone is a LOT to kick out of in fairness. I didn’t think he’d have even one defence, but it looks like The Bou-uh. Stu Grimes is on his way to defend the nGw Championship against Heidi Blackthorne at nGw: The Old Man Next Door Thinks His House Is Haunted!

Broc Lobster: Salvador Grimm made his mark as a fierce opponent, and I don’t think this is the last time we see him in such a high profile match – but for now, Stu Grimes’ attention is turned to the PPV, and one Heidi Blackthorne! Speaking of…

As Stu Grimes celebrates like he’s won the superb owl competition, Heidi Blackthorne herself walks out from behind the curtain, looking decidedly unimpressed. She enters the ring, as Stu Grimes turns to her. Cocky and confident, Stu shoves her out of his spotlight – only for Heidi it instantly catch the limb, kick out the knee from Grimes, and transition into the Antidote! … Almost. Before locking it in, she willingly releases the hold, slapping Stu Grimes on the back of the head and knocking his hair several inches out of place. With a smirk, she exits the ring without another look at the champion.

Danielle Kennedy: A final statement before the PPV – Will we see a new nGw Champion? Or will Stu Grimes hang on for a little while longer?

Broc Lobster: We'll find out how much the landscape changes, as we catch you next time, on Next Generation Wrestling: The Old Man Next Door Thinks His House Is Haunted!

Fade to black, as Stu Grimes fixes his hair.

-=-=-=-

NEXT TIME, ON NGW:
nGw Presents: The Old Man Next Door Thinks His House Is Haunted
Match Card
~/~|~\~
nGw Championship
'Stu Grimes' (c) vs Heidi Blackthorn
~/~|~\~
nGw Young Lion's Championship
Charles Newry (c) vs Aleksandar Anderson vs Paradox vs Noach Van Der Cappallen
~/~|~\~
nGw Tag Team Championships
The Internet Anti-H8 Squad (c) vs Crimson Knights
~/~|~\~
2/3 Falls
Johnny Johnson vs Alejandro Giunti
~/~|~\~
(Un) Mask vs (Put on a) Mask
Who? vs Frankie Purejoy
~/~|~\~
CHAOS vs Nicodemus
~/~|~\~
Caller #10 vs Goro Osaki
~/~|~\~
Keiko Hirabayashi vs Zap Powerslam
~/~|~\~
Possibly more! Idk. Again, budget.
~/~|~\~
Who will come out victorious in our next PPV Event? Send your predictions to - well we don't have a twitter page, twitter is a dumpster fire. Send them to... our MySpace page?

Eh.

SEE YOU AT THE PPV.​

 

[weaselperson]

Need a wrestling show that starts with 4 minutes of a guy stuttering and stammering. Peak television.

Bet getting sat on by Keiko isn't that bad.

Quiver from the River is an OAT-tier nickname.

10/10 Gameshow segment. Very invested in mask v. mask stip, think its something the FWA should try at some point. Hope Who? loses his mask and then retires and is never seen again.

wtf is CHAOS

Internet Anti-H8 Squad sounds easier to remember and say than the abbreviation.

Good to see Johnny suffer. Always happy to see Johnny suffer. Also good to see Johnny and Giunti publicly admit to paying Bell bribes. This is why nGw is a very classist environment. You need money to succeed. Real hard workers are at a disadvantage if all they have to rely on is measley nGw contracts while guys like JJ & Giunti can just throw their fat wallets about. Disappointed in the management.

Hope BoulderGrimes is forever champion.

Predictions:

nGw Championship
'Stu Grimes' (c) vs Heidi Blackthorn: bouldergrimes forever champ
~/~|~\~
nGw Young Lion's Championship
Charles Newry (c) vs Aleksandar Anderson vs Paradox vs Noach Van Der Cappallen: idk paradox has the coolest name
~/~|~\~
nGw Tag Team Championships
The Internet Anti-H8 Squad (c) vs Crimson Knights: better gimmicks
~/~|~\~
2/3 Falls
Johnny Johnson vs Alejandro Giunti: of these two rich bois I hate johnny more
~/~|~\~
(Un) Mask vs (Put on a) Mask
Who? vs Frankie Purejoy: who? has go away heat from me
~/~|~\~
CHAOS vs Nicodemus: unless nicodemus has a back up plan
~/~|~\~
Caller #10 vs Goro Osaki: id like for Goro Osaki to never lose a match and never be able to find a leader
~/~|~\~
Keiko Hirabayashi vs Zap Powerslam: Zap enjoyed getting sat on and lets it happen again

 

[Rosie]

Believe in Heidi

 

[Jazz Wolf]

We fade in to the resident nGw commentary team, Broc Lobster & Danielle Kennedy, in front of a rapturous crowd of fans! There’s a ‘n-G-w’ chant, somehow managing to verbally capitalize the G and ensure the other two letters remain lowercase, which in itself is an achievement.

Broc Lobster: Ahoy, howdy, and bonjour, valued fans! I am ‘The Dubloon from the Lagoon’, Broc Lobster!

Danielle Kennedy: And I’m ‘All Green Lights’, Danielle Kennedy! Welcome to Next Generation Wrestling: The Old Man Next Door Thinks His House Is Haunted!

Broc Lobster: We have a stacked card for you tonight folks! Our main event, Stu Grimes puts his nGw Championship on the line against Heidi Blackthorn!

Danielle Kennedy: The nGw Young Lion’s Championship is defended in a fatal-four way, between current champion Charles Newry, and his opponents: Aleksandar Anderson, Noach Van Der Cappallen, and Paradox!

Broc Lobster: The Internet Anti-H8 Squad fight their high-flying foes, The Crimson Knights, in what is sure to be a fast-paced, high octane encounter!

Danielle Kennedy: The bitter feud between Johnny Johnson and Alejandro Giunti reaches it’s conclusion, in a two out of three falls match!

Broc Lobster: A mask is on the line, as Who? does battle with the thorn in his side, Frankie Purejoy!

Danielle Kennedy: CHAOS is going to kill Nicodemus.

Broc Lobster: Two of nGw’s latest acquisitions clash, as Goro Osaki takes on Caller #10!

Danielle Kennedy: And in our opener, Zap Powerslam looks to gain some measure of victory against Jasmine Perlot’s hired gun, Keiko Hirabayashi! And that match… Is right now!
​

Keiko Hirabayashi vs Zap Powerslam

In a rather tepid opener, Zap Powerslam’s notably clumsy strength isn’t much of a match for Keiko Hirabyashi’s grace and elegance. This is like a bull in a china shop, if the china shop was actually extremely well optimized for a sudden rampaging bull attack, and also the bull was extremely nervous and self conscious of it’s actions. So, nothing like a bull in a china shop, come to think of it.

I’m not good at similes, is the point.

Anyway. Eventually, Zap Powerslam lands a hit, more out of accident than anything, and Zap is big and beefy enough that an accidental strike is like a freight train, so regardless, it’s effective enough to suddenly knock Keiko Hirabyashi dazed. That opens Zap up to hit a biiiiiiiig scoop slam! And another! They crowd brays for a third, and Zap delivers!

Zap Powerslam signals for the Big Bam Slam - but Keiko just slips behind him and locks on the Elegant Dream.

Seconds later, this one is over.

WINNER: Keiko Hirabayashi​

Danielle Kennedy: Keiko Hirabayashi with a strong victory tonight, and surely Jasmine Perlot is watching on from backstage, approving of her client.

Broc Lobster: That Elegant Dream is a nightmare to be trapped in, no joke.

Keiko Hirabayashi, calm and elegant in triumph, sits crosslegged on Zap Powerslam’s unresponsive body. A fan at ringside holds up a sign that reads ‘IT SHOULD BE ME’, as we cut away…

~/~|~\~

SNAP.

SNAP.

SNAP.

There’s a brief shot of a pair of fingers snapping, before it cuts to a jukebox roaring to life, spitting out the sounds of Chuck Berry as a rollerskating waitress scoots by. The camera follows the waitress out into the parking lot, pausing on the rims of a baby blue Cadillac. The song cuts out again-

SNAP.

SNAP.

SNAP.

-before resuming, rising to note the hard working boots, the blue jeans, the crisp white shirt, and the black leather jackets, of two men sitting on the hood of the Cadillac. One of the men takes a drink from the waitress, their features unseen. Chuck Berry’s vocal chords rise up, before cutting out again…

SNAP.

A brief shot of one of the Greasers, booting someone in the face.

SNAP.

Another shot of another Greaser, catching someone with a lariat.

SNAP.

A third shot, the two Greasers nailing someone with a Superman Punch at the same time.

SNAP.

Cut back to the Cadillac, one of the Greasers snapping their fingers. An older man next to them chuckles, as Chuck Berry’s soundtrack resumes.

Danny B. Goode: You cats ready to kick it?

We fade out, to some text on the screen…

STRAIGHT OUTTA COOLSVILLE
THE GOODE FELLAS

And we cut to black.

~/~|~\~

Broc Lobster: Was that Danny B. Goode? Wrestling legend?

Danielle Kennedy: Seems like it! And it seems like he might have something up his sleeve next week, when these ‘Goode Fellas’ debut….

Broc Lobster: Up next, it’s Caller #10 and Goro Osaki. Both new here, both looking for that first meaningful win. Who will come out on top?
​

Caller #10 vs Goro Osaki

In a battle between two of nGw’s newest acquisitions, the mystical Goro Osaki and the vibrant Caller #10 face off, and the contrast is immediate. Osaki gains momentum by carefully sequenced slams and lifts aimed to wear down #10, while #10… is mostly swinging for the fences, with the odd suplex and making it up as he goes along. As a result, the first portion of the match is primarily handled by Osaki, who is able to stay calm and focused and shut down any momentum #10 builds. It’s a powerful, scientific approach, see.

That is, until Caller #10 catches him with the Pink Mist! Blinded, aggression highlighted, Goro Osaki sees red and just starts trying to kill someone. Which, normally, would be a bad thing, but the frantic fight-by-the-seat-of-your-pants approaches plays into #10’s preferred style, and he’s able to switch the momentum around, playing to his strengths.

Eventually, Caller #10 goes for the Tiger Driver ‘91, but Goro Osaki is so angry he powers out of it with relative ease, back dropping #10 over the top rope, before catching him with a running knee lift, sending him crashing to the floor. Osaki follows, kicking and stomping at #10, more focused on doing wild damage, as #10 mounts a comeback. The two trade blows, as the referee counts! Osaki is single-focused, while #10 is a bit more sly, and as the referee reaches nine, #10 ducks under an elbow, and throws Osaki over the announce table, darting back into the ring just as the referee counts to ten!

WINNER: Caller #10​

Caller #10 raises his hands in victory, sly, grinning, while Goro Osaki looks on, his mist-induced haze fading. His features are unreadable, he’s not quite happy, but at the same time… He’s not unhappy, either?

Danielle Kennedy: A bit of an unorthodox method to get a victory here, but nevertheless Caller #10 has been successful in his debut! What’s in that pink mist?

Broc Lobster: What wouldn’t be in that pink mist. In either case, Caller #10 gets off on the right foot, while Goro Osaki will have to look at his own game plan. Maybe that search of a leader isn’t going in the right direction.

We fade to black…

~/~|~\~

We fade in, to one of those tacky stars, on Hollywood Boulevard. The exact name on the star isn’t quite viewable, due to two crisp white pairs of boots standing atop the star.

???: Hollywood. Sweet, sweet Hollywood.

That’s the kind of voice belonging to someone who has lived in Hollywood all their life and never bothered to look out the window of their mansion.

???: Now, that’s our kinda town.

???: Not yours!

Cut to a nightclub, those two white boots shuffling through a dance floor, pausing next to some high heels.

???: See, people like us, we’re better than you, and that’s not a boast or a brag.

???: Look it up, squirt, it’s a fact. Check your dictionary.

???: Boom.

Cut to a sandy beach, the aforementioned white boots lounged up on a relaxing chair.

???: The babes?

???: They love us.

???: The chicks?

???: They love us.

???: The WOMEN?!?

???: BROTHER YOU BET YOUR ASS THEY LOVE US.

Why did they say ‘women’ so… Strangely? I think their voice cracked like, three times in the span of one word. Finally, cut to a black background, with the white boots, panning up to reveal the owners of said boots, a pair of bleach blonde brothers, smirking as they shoot a glance that I think is supposed to be sexy?

???: Say it with us, girls: Hollywood.

???: Love.

???: Machines.

???: Next Generation Wrestling? More like Current Generation Wrestling, cos’ the next generation is already here.

Cut to black.

~/~|~\~

Broc Lobster: Another tag team debuting in nGw? Where do they all come from?

Danielle Kennedy: These two from Hollywood, apparently… I get goober vibes from them.

Broc Lobster: Goober vibes?

Danielle Kennedy: Yeah. Goober vibes.

Broc Lobster: Hm. Next up, Nicodemus takes on CHAOS, in what I’m sure won’t be an absolute squash match.

Danielle Kennedy: I got two minutes, tops, on this one.

Broc Lobster: I’ll say three minutes and bet my watch on it.
​

CHAOS vs Nicodemus

Look, I’m not going to bullshit you with a fancy back-and-forth write up.

This was the squashiest squash that ever squashed.

CHAOS kicked Nicodemus’ ass so bad, whatever deity Nicodemus follows awkwardly tugged at their collar and pretended all the other deities weren’t staring at them in judgment.

There’s one hope spot, where Nicodemus kicks out of a piledriver, but upon replay it’s evident CHAOS lifted him out of the pin cover himself, probably because he felt a heartbeat and took offense to that.

After a few minutes, CHAOS nails The Punchline and decides to end it there.

WINNER: CHAOS​

CHAOS dances. Nicodemus is pretty much dead. CHAOS continues to danc, stomping on his body during his jig.

Danielle Kennedy: I am Danielle’s lack of surprise.

Broc Lobster: So this should teach people not to fuck with CHAOS, right? Surely no-one else on the roster is dumb enough to front to this murder clown.

Danielle Kennedy: You’d think so, Broc, but you know the roster just like I do.

Broc Lobster: … I know. Sigh.

Danielle Kennedy: … CHAOS is kind of a good dancer.

The commentary team watches CHAOS’ victory dance in quiet amazement, as we fade to black…

~/~|~\~

A third vignette! What are the odds?

Two men sit on a bench. Two very large, rotund men, I should say. Between them is a rather uncomfortable looking man trying to read his paper, as he waits for the bus.

The first big man sighs, patting a tune on his stomach, before pulling out a phone. He dials.

The second big man pulls out his own phone, answering the call.

???: Yellow?

???: Oskar? Oskar, it’s Theo-

Oskar Nicols: Theo, where are ya? I’m waiting for you at the bus stop!

Theodore Nicols: No, I’m waiting for YOU at the bus stop, where are you?

The small man in the middle flips a page in his paper, trying to ignore the two.

Oskar Nicols: I’m waiting for you! Bus 14?

Theodore Nicols: Bus 14! On Gravel Street?

Oskar Nicols: On Gravel Street!

The first big man stands, and looks to the left.

Oskar Nicols: I don’t see you.

The second big man stands, and looks to right.

Theodore Nicols: I don’t see you!

The sad businessman in the middle does a perfect Bert, of Bert & Ernie fame, impression. The second man sits back down, as the first turns to look to the left.

Oskar Nicols: All I see is this serious-looking business guy, you’re not a business guy are you?

Theodore Nicols: What? Hang on-

The second man stands back up, as the first man sits back down. The second man looks to the right, waving a hand at the businessman. The businessman flinches.

Theodore Nicols: I see a business guy too! But I don’t see you.

Oskar Nicols: Well where are ya?!?

The bus finally arrives, and with a sense of relief, the businessman springs to his feet, immediately clambering towards the bus, as the two big men make eye contact.

Theodore Nicols: Oskar!

Oskar Nicols: Theo! I didn’t see you behind the business guy!

The two laugh heartily, as the bus pulls away. They grin.

Oskar Nicols: We pranked him real good, didn’t we?

They break into laughter again, as we fade into a title card.

Theodore & Oskar Nicols
T.O.N

We cut to black.

~/~|~\~

Danielle Kennedy: A third new tag team? Neat. They seem…

Broc Lobster: … Lively.

Danielle Kennedy: Yeah, lively, I was going to go with that. Anyway - up next! Someone will be unmasked - or, someone will be forced to wear a mask! The stakes are high in this personal affair!
​

Who? vs Frankie Purejoy

Frankie Purejoy starts off hot, attacking Who? during his entrance to gain an unsavory advantage. Throwing wild blows, Purejoy is in control - until Who? surprises him with a sneaky rollup! Very nearly getting that three count in the first minute.

Who? takes control, catching Purejoy with some technical armdrags, keeping him off base and utilizing his technical agility to keep Purejoy at bay. He tries to lock in several submissions, but every time Purejoy is too close to the ropes for them to be effective, able to wrap a gangly limb around a rope every time. After an attempted Knight Knight, Purejoy rolls out of the ring, taking time to recuperate. Who follows, and Purejoy catches him with a superkick, and a hip toss on the outside!

The two climb back into the ring via suplex. Purejoy goes for the Pollution Manutention, but Who? backdrops out of it - but Purejoy had a grip on Who?’s mask, and the mask slips off!

Of course Who? has a second mask on underneath. They catch Purejoy with a DDT, before taking the stolen mask and shoving it onto Purejoy… Backwards, so he can’t see. Purejoy swings blindly, trying to rip the mask off, and Who? nails him with Wrath of the Rook! There’s the pinfall! It’s over!

WINNER: Who?​

Who? springs to his feet, pumping a fist in the air, before he rolls out of the ring.

Danielle Kennedy: Who? is victorious!

Broc Lobster: Who is?

Danielle Kennedy: We’re not doing that joke. Who? won, therefore looks like Frankie Purejoy will have to… MASK UP.

Frankie Purejoy starts screaming ‘NOOOOOOOOOOO’, ripping the mask off as Who? re-enters the ring with a new, custom-made mask for Purejoy. It’s transparent, for some reason, and he slides the mask on a protesting Purejoy.

Broc Lobster: Kinda looks good on him.

Danielle Kennedy: … Does it?

Broc Lobster: I mean- it doesn’t look bad on him?

Cut to black.

~/~|~\~

Backstage, we join the victorious Caller #10, in the locker room, fresh out of the shower, towel wrapped around his waist. He hums a tune, slamming a locker closed, to reveal - Goro Osaki?!?

Goro Osaki: Ten-

Caller #10 shrieks, before coughing, and straightening himself, leaning on the locker casually.

Caller #10: Yooo, Gororororo, what’s… What’s cracking?

Goro Osaki squints, before sighing.

Goro Osaki: I joined nGw, in search of the true leader of my following. Nicodemus clearly was not it-

Caller #10: Clearly?

Goro Osaki: Clearly. However, you have proven yourself to be sly, to be tactical, to be unorthadox in your ways.

Caller #10: … Thanks?

Goro Osaki: ‘In the midst of chaos, there is also opportunity.’ Sun Tzu, The Art of War.

Caller #10: Yeah, I know Sun Tzu, that’s the guy who herded two of every animal on earth into a giant boat.

Goro Osaki: N-

Caller #10: Then he beat the shit out of every single one of them, to prove himself as the superior mind in the ring of combat.

Goro Osaki: …The point is. You have shown qualities that I find… To be benefiting of a leader. As such, I hereby submit myself, to you. You speak, and I will follow, along with my disciples.

Caller #10: This is a lot to take in while I’m just wearing a towel. So, what, I’m like your… Cult leader or something? I’ve never been a cult leader before. Joined a few, but never led one. What happens now?

Goro Osaki simply chuckles.

Goro Osaki: What else? You lead the way… To the promised land.

Goro Osaki laughs, louder this time. Caller #10 joins in, a bit more hesitant, as we fade to black.

~/~|~\~

Broc Lobster: Huh. Didn’t see that development coming.

Danielle Kennedy: This is an interesting new alliance, of sorts. No clue where this is going.

Broc Lobster: Up next, the rivalry between Johnny Johnson and Alejandro Giunti reaches it’s bitter end, in what is sure to be a banger of a ⅔ Falls match! Who will come out on top?
​

Two/Three Falls
Johnny Johnson vs Alejandro Giunti

The two take another moment before stepping towards the center ring and getting in a lock-up, Johnson taking over Giunti in a headlock takedown. After a moment or so, Giunti gets the headscissors on Johnson and forces him to let it go, both men returning vertical. As they do so once more, Johnson catches the falcon in the headlock takeover, this time Giunti is quicker to get the headscissors to break the lock, once again bringing both men to their feet. The two then quickly go back at one another, this time, Giunti the one wrapping up the headlock takedown. Johnson stays underneath Alejandro for just a few seconds before getting some headscissors of his own, but he keeps Giunti in them. Alejandro doesn’t rise immediately, keeping his head in the scissors and trying for a sudden jackknife cover – 1…2…NO!! Johnson wraps his arms around Giunti and lifts himself up before performing a full gutwrench and pulling out a backside pin – 1…2…NO!! Giunti slides off and backs away, as does Johnson, getting an early stalemate and some crowd appreciation.

The two approach one another once again, this time Giunti looking for a strength test. Johnson hesitantly obliges, the two locking fingers with both hands before trying to force the other down. It’s Johnson to begins to pull away here, pushing Giunti down until he’s forced to bridge, showing off some flexibility. Johnson tries to force the issue, but as he does, he’s clocked in the side of the head with a snap kick, forcing Johnson off. But even as Johnson stumbles away to tend to his wounds, Giunti stays in the bridge before turning his hips and spinning to his feet, almost in capoeira fashion. Wow this rookie is agilie! Giunti popping back vertical and shouts at The Legend something in Italian. Notable hot head Johnny Johnson, sees red and charges at Giunti, but the savvy Falcon grabs his arm as he goes by, whipping him into the ropes. On the rebound, Giunti lies flat, forcing Johnson to rebound once again, which Giunti leaps clean over, and on the third rebound, cleanly leaps that one as well. On the fourth rebound, Giunti seemingly hovers above the ground as he nails Johnson with a ridiculously dropkick!! OKADA ESQUE! Giunti with a cover – 1…2…NO!

Giunti pulls Johnson up but is met, by a gut punch Johnson then takes Alejandro this time and chunks him towards the ropes with a whip,, only for Johnson to pull Giunti back in for a short arm forearm. He keeps a grip on the wrist and pulls Johnson back in for a back elbow shot, before yanking Giunti past him and nailing a nifty ending combination neckbreaker!! Johnson going for his first cover here – 1…2…NO!! Giunti throws some leg up, but Johnson catches it and forces him to turn over before jumping on his head, locking him in a grounded headlock. The two stay in the rest hold for a little while, only for Giunti to lift Johnson up for a back suplex, but JJ backflips out of the move, impressing a few. Giunti uses Johnson balancing time to rush and rebound off the ropes in front of him before charging right back at Johnson…and HITTING A CROSS BODY THAT SENDS BOTH MEN ROOKIES TUMBLING OVER THE TOP ROPE!! Giunti THROWS his body to the wind.

On the outside Johnson recovers remarkably fast dodging under a wild Giunti right hand and delivers a backhand CHOP that sends Giunti reeling. But the Maltese rich boy quickly counters back with a hard right hand. Johnson then counters with a right hand of his own, the two continually exchanging blows. Just when there seems to be a rhythm to their punches, Giunti completely upsets it with a hard straight punch right to Johnson's nose that sends him backpedaling against the iron post. The ref is already to a count of six, but Giunti looks for another straight punch here…NOBODY HOME, Giunti PUNCHES STEEL!! Giunti's knuckles crunch against the unforgiving post, Johnson sees a big opening on that one, now catching the reeling Johnson with another kick, but then quickly spins behind and lifts him…and DRIVES Giunti SPINE INTO THE RING LIP WITH A BACKDROP!!

A brutal move sees Johnson take control, Johnson now rolling Giunti in before the count out ends it and shifting gears for a cover – 1…2…NO!! Giunti somehow still has the back strength to torque his spine to throw up a shoulder. Johnson's face goes red, damn pissed off at this lack of respect from the rookie lack of respect , starts bending back the fingers on the hand Giunti crashed against the post moments ago. Alejandro is at Johnson's mercy for several excruciating moments, Giunti grits through the pain and gets back vertical, socking Johnson with his good hand before delivering a vicious kick that sends Johnson into a corner and off his fingers. Giunti, perhaps on instinct, socks Johnson with a hard right hand again, but reels back in pain as he does so and that's all Johnson needs to run out of the corner and hurls Giunti into the corner

Johnson takes several steps back from the recovering Giunti before charging with a running corner elbow smash, the contact echoing around the arena! Dazed, Johnson nearly falls to the group but grips onto the top rope with his bad hand. Johnson sees this and traps Giunti knuckles between his boot and rope. The ref begins the count of five, Johnson torturing Giunti until a count of four. Giunti then lets his foot down before getting in the ref's face and screams in his face, that he's Johnny Johnson and he can do what he wants! Johnson turns back towards Giunti and charges again, perhaps looking for another elbow…Giunti dodges by sitting through the middle ropes, sending Johnson chest first into the post before springing up…pendulum kick from Giunti! It’s Johnson turn to go reeling, as Giunti climbs back in and springs off the second then top rope…SPRINGBOARD CLOTHESLINE!! He lands square on top of Johnson with a cover – 1…2...3-NO!!

The explosive Falcon doesn’t appreciate that kickout, the crowd appreciating Giunti but he drags Johnson to his feet regardless. Johnson springs back to life and surprises everyone with a Belly to Belly! Giunti is whipped across the ring from that move, going right back at Johnson, but being met with a big boot and gets Johnson a quick cover – 1…2…NO!! Giunti springs back up and nails Johnson with a series of chops before rushing and nailing a hurricanrana! He flings Johnson all the way through the ropes and back onto the floor! Giunti starts looking around the arena before building himself up, feeling it as he rushes through the ropes with a SUICIDE DIVE…NOBODY HOME!! Johnson sees the move coming and darts out of the way, and sends Giunti crashing to the arena floor! Johnson quickly rolls back inside and waves his finger at the downed Giunti before settling himself on the apron and leaping off with a diving senton right on Giunti! Wow! These two young guns are leaving absolutely nothing on the table! The entire crowd chants NGW! NGW! as Johnson wobbles to his feet, almost seemingly reaching for the announce table that’s not there.

Giunti is kept down by Johnson who does reach his feet and plants a boot firmly in Giunti's ribs before throwing him back in the ring. Johnson doesn’t immediately go for the cover, maybe making the rash move of wanting to show up Giunti by climbing the top rope. He takes a moment to get his balance, but it costs him when Johnson comes to and leaps cleanly onto the top rope and starts punching Johnson! The crowd is back in awe at Giunti now, but he’s not done…FRANKENSTEIR!! A MALTESE Frankensteir! Johnson goes to the canvas, flopping onto his face in a little bit of overselling. Even so, he’s covered three-quarters of the ring. Giunti slowly crawling over to his position. But with every inch Giunti crawls, the ring-aware Johnson rolls away from him before stopping in a corner to take a breath clearly not prepared for THIS type of hard hitting long match Giunti drags Johnson from out of the corner and finally is able to go for a cover – 1…2…3-NO!!

Both these men are trying to pull out all the stops. Giunti awaits for Johnson to get back to his feet before hitting him again with a trifecta of chops and trying to get the feeling in his hand back, Johnson comes at him with a hard clothesline, but Giunti ducks and turns it into the Standing Shianrui !! The Falcon folds Johnson up for a pin1…2…3-NO!! The unique move still doesn’t put Johnson away! Giunti shows some frustration by pounding the mat with his good hand, trying to drag Johnny back up to his feet, when Johnson surprises him with a sleeper hold!! Johnson realizing the quick pace works in The Falcon's favor and looks to slow him down! Johnson even jumps on Giunti’s back, forcing him to bear his own weight. It doesn’t take long for The Maltese Falcon to start falling towards the mat, clearly tired out from a match nearing the fifteen minute mark.

Johnson wraps his legs around Giunti to add more pressure and Giunti looks to be fading but he shows guts and refuses to be put to sleep getting back to his feet. Johnson is ready for this, however, as he unhooks the sleeper hold…AND HITS A NORTHEN LARIAT TO THE BACK OF GIUNTI’S HEAD. Giunti flops to the ground and looks out for the count but again Johnson's ego refuses to end it there, and doesn't go for the pin Instead, Johnson drags the dead weight of Giunti back to his feet before hitting him with The Greatest Finisher! Now Johnson hooks the leg. – 1…2…3!

FIRST FALL: Johnny Johnson

Cocksure, Johnson does some pushups while waiting for Giunti to recover, and once the referee gives the go-ahead, Johnson comes right at him with a hard punch! Johnson then hooks the arms and hits him with HEAD BUTT AFTER HEADBUTT. He goes for another cover now – 1…2…3-FOOT ON THE ROPES! Giunti might not have his head screwed on straight by this point, but he still knows where he is! Johnson shakes his head in disappointment before throwing Johnson's foot off the ropes. We can see by the look in Johnny's eyes planning his next move before he seems to have an idea, He brings Giunti up for the GREATEST FINISHER again, but Giunti drops behind Johnson…Johnson turns around and Giunti HITS HIM WITH SOME KIND OF CRAZY SPINNING SUPERKICK-! WOW-! JOHNSON FLOPS THROUGH THE MIDDLE ROPES TO THE FLOOR!! Giunti looks on in a bit of frustration that he can't pin his rival. He tries to take a few moments to recover before looking down to see Johnson on the outside, using the barricade to get to his feet after being knocked out. Giunti then rushes towards the opposite ropes, leaping through the middle rope…SUICIDE DIVE CONNECTING THIS TIME! Both wrestlers are laid out AGAIN!! AND THE CROWD ARE LOVING THIS! THIS MATCH IS STEALING THE SHOW!

Giunti is the first to stagger to his feet and grabs Johnson by his head and barely has the strength anymore to throw him back in the ring, but tries to do so anyway. Johnson stops him by delivering a backhand blow to his gut before taking Giunti's battered hand and drives it against the apron! Giunti screams out in pain as Johnson climbs onto the apron and looks to get back in, but Giunti keeps pace and leaps back onto the apron, the two having another back and forth. Giunti counters one of Johnson's punches and wraps his arm…hip toss from the apron back into the ring!! Johnson tumbles back into the fray, Giunti now impatiently and excitingly waits for Johnson to get back up before springboarding and soaring…RIGHT INTO A DROPKICK FROM JOHNSON!! It's a surprise move by Johnson who typically doesn't do those kinds of moves but it shows how desperate the situation is, that Johnson had to go deep in his bag of tricks to pull that off. Johnson knocks the Falcon right out of the air, going for another cover – 1…2…3-NO!!

Johnson doesn't even have the energy to complain as he takes Giunti and drives a knee into his gut before whipping him hard into a corner. Giunti's spine bounces hard off the post, sending him back towards The Legend who hoists him up for a SNAP SUPLEX!! Johnson doesn’t wait a second for Giunti as he drives a knee drop into the back of Giunti's head! Rolling Giunti over once more – 1…2…3-NO!! Johnson again starts wrenching back Giunti's fingers then, causing him to yelp in pain. Johnson gets up, but as soon as he does, he’s thrown back towards a corner by Johnson. The athletic Giunti counters by leaping onto the middle rope and jumping right back at the pursuing Johnson…AND NAILS A TORNADO DDT!! WOW! Giunti scrambles to the top rope, and hits the Mediterranean Landing! The cover! 1, 2, 3!

SECOND FALL: Alejandro Giutni

Both men lie absolutely flatlined and eagle spread, the only thing even remotely looking like life is after a dramatic moment of motionlessness, Giunti grabs at his hurt fingers and tucks them under his body, only for the entire audience to start chiming up in a “THIS IS AWESOME!” and "NGW" chant. The two men lie almost perfectly still for more than a minute until they start to rise, and the referee makes the signal for the third and final fall to commence. These two are literally putting it all out there as Giunti shakes his wrist, trying to wake up his hurt knuckles before running at the ropes and coming back for a wicked lariat! He misses, Johnson ducks under it, and rolls him up in a schoolboy! He grabs the ropes for extra leverage! 1! 2! 3-NO! KICKOUT!

Johnson nails Giunti with a hard right, and goes for The Second Greatest Finisher - but Giunti rolls out of it, nailing Johnson with a pele kick! Stunned, Johnson retreats - Giunti goes for TURBOxALEJANDRO but Johnson ducks out of the way. Johnson goes for what looks like a SUPERKICK, but Giunti ducks that, flash dodge turns into TURBOxALEJANDRO …ANOTHER DODGE by Johnson, who takes Giunti from behind THE GREATEST FINISHER-! NO-! GIUNTI FLIPS OUT OF IT...RUNS OFF THE ROPES....TURBOXALEJANDRO!! HE FINALLY GETS ITl – 1…2…3…!!!

THIRD FALL & WINNER: Alejandro Giunti​

Alejandro Giunti collapses in exhaustion, sweat dripping off of him, as his music echoes through the arena.

Broc Lobster: BANGER STATUS: CONFIRMED

Danielle Kennedy: What a match! Like this was a pet project of one dedicated writer, outstanding!

Broc Lobster: Alejandro gets that conclusive victory, in a hard fought match, one that he’ll surely look back at in amazement.

Alejandro Giunti finally rises to his knees, fists raised, as Johnny Johnson rolls out of the ring in defeat. Giunti slaps the mat twice, roaring, as we fade to black…

~/~|~\~

Backstage, we join none other than Frankie Purejoy, shaking in fury as he glares in a mirror, at the transparent mask wrapped onto his features.

Frankie Purejoy: It’s not fair. IT’S NOT FAIR.

He raises a hand to rip off the mask, before hesitating.

Frankie Purejoy: No, no that’s what THEY want. THEY want me to protest, to rip and tear at this mask and make myself out to be a fool - BUT I WON’T BE THEIR PUPPET!

???: Who’s ‘they’?

Frankie Purejoy whirls around - to the affable face of ‘Cool Stepdad’, Phil Miller!

Phil Miller: I dig the new look, sport! W-

Frankie Purejoy immediately sprays deodorant in Phil Miller’s eyes! Miller drops, shrieking, flailing on the floor, as Purejoy boasts.

Frankie Purejoy: I’M NOT A PUPPET! WAKE UP SHEEPLE!

He storms away, as we cut to black.

~/~|~\~

Broc Lobster: That Frankie guy, he’s… Kind of a jerk.

Danielle Kennedy: Do you know how long it’s been since we’ve seen Phil Miller? And he gets sprayed in the eyes by a jackass. Poor bastard.

Broc Lobster: Well, we’ll have to move on, as it’s time for the tag team titles to be on the line! The Internet Anti-H8 Squad, take on the Crimson Knights - up next!
​

nGw Tag Team Championship
The Internet Anti-H8 Squad © vs The Crimson Knights

This is a fast-paced, high-flying action encounter between these two teams, both similar in their preferred styles. You could call it ‘The Ground Is Lava: The Match’, if the term didn’t sound like a headache. It’s all flashy, zany action, with TIAH8S’s showboating backfiring tremendously, as Crimson Knights take firm control, Zip Strider nailing Nathan Station with a Turntable Switch. Zip Strider & AJ King take turns double-teaming Station various double team moves, such as a double team dropkick, double team DDT, double team body slam, etc, etc.

Soon, Nathan Station makes the tag to Akira Yoshida behind AJ King’s back, enabling Yoshida to take King’s head off with a clubbing flying lariat. Now, things are firmly in control of TIAH8S, whose high flying is a bit less clean than their rivals. For example, a leg drop while King’s throat is draped over the ropes, or a handspring turned into an eye gouge. But King is able to avoid a 450 splash, and make the hot take to Zip Strider! Strider cleans house, bouncing from ropes to ropes to take his opponents down! An F3 to Station sends him out of the ring, while he catches Yoshida with a OTTR DDT!

Strider nails a northern lights suplex, bridging into a pin - But Yoshida made the tag to Nathan Station, unbeknownst, while Strider waits for the pin! Station with a springboard front flip foot stomp - RIGHT ONTO ZIP STRIDER’S DICK. There’s being kicked in the dick (bad) and then there’s being stomped in the dick from an elevated position with the added force of a flip (terrible). Zip Strider makes the exact kind of noise one would expect from having a grown man’s entire body weight land feet first onto his junk, like a deflating balloon in a microwave. His face looks the same way too. Dude is not having a good time. Unable to raise a defense, Strider falls victim to the Corkscrew Dropkick/German Suplex combo, with Yoshida blocking AJ King from breaking up the pin cover!

WINNERS: The Internet Anti-H8 Squad​

Gloating, The Internet Anti-H8 Squad celebrate, mashing their titles together while AJ King scoops Zip Strider from the mat, consoling him.

Danielle Kennedy: Ouch. Even I felt that.

Broc Lobster: In a fast-paced battle of two evenly matched teams, it was a springboard front flip diving stomp to the gonads that was the difference maker, as it typically is in many situations. Now TIAH8S move on to their next challenger, while the Crimson Knights have to recover and hope their future kids weren’t wiped from reality.

TIAH8S retreat up the ramp, gloating, as their joined by their hanger-ons. AJ King looks in in anger, as we fade to black…

~/~|~\~

We open inside… The interior of a car, it seems. The radio is playing some music that was probably popular in the 70’s but it means nothing to today’s audience so I’m not going to bother transcribing it. There’s two people in the car, two silhouettes, one in the driver’s seat, the other in the passenger. The passenger has a pair of binoculars, of which they’re currently using to spy on something offscreen. The driver has a donut - a bright pink one, laden with rainbow sprinkles.

Dave O’Houlihan: See anything?

Buster Murphy: Not yet.

Claw & Order, nGw’s Top Detective Agency, in the midst of a stakeout. One that seems to be going poorly, apparently.

Buster Murphy: Did those Alchemist fellas give us anything to work with?

Dave O’Houlijan: Not much. Just that the former champions are up to something.

Buster Murphy: The guys with the dragon masks?

Dave O’Houlihan: Mm. They didn’t say what. Just to follow them.

Buster Murphy: Seems a bit beneath us.

Dave O’Houlihan: The cash isn’t. It doesn’t matter - As long as the cash keeps coming.

Buster Murphy: Mmm. Pass us a donut.

With some awkward shuffling, Dave O’Houlihan reaches a hand into the case of donuts on his lap, grabbing one and passing it over to his partner.

Buster Murphy: Plain?!? The fuck you tryin’ to say, Dave?

Dave O’Houlihan: Donut’s a donut, Buster. Wait, nevermind that, there they are!

Buster Murphy swivels, peering through the binoculars. In the distance, former nGw Tag Team Champions, We Do Exist, exit the arena building, into a car. As the car starts to drive away, Dave O’Houlihan switches the ignition of their own car.

Dave O’Houlihan: Finally. Lights or no lights?

Buster Murphy: It’s a stakeout, not an arrest. We go lights out, and follow these fellas.

The car jerks forward, as we cut to black.

~/~|~\~

Danielle Kennedy: And now, another championship is on the line! A fatal four way, in the Young Lion’s Division!

Broc Lobster: Charles Newry, Aleksandar Anderson, Paradox, & Noach Van Der Cappallen!
​

nGw Young Lion’s Championship
Charles Newry © vs Aleksandar Anderson vs Paradox vs Noach Van Der Cappallen

The alliances between Charles Newry & Aleksandar Anderson, vs Paradox & Noach Van Der Cappallen, come in to play here - although one is slightly more in tune with the other. The Brain Trust, Newry & Anderson, have a smoother flow than Paradox & Cappallen, who really are only with each other to combat the other two. As a result, Newry & Anderson are able to stifle any momentum Paradox & Cappallen build, frequently double teaming them.

Until Anderson goes for a sneaky pin cover on Cappallen, resulting in Newry jerking him off and glaring. This is a fatal four-way, not a tag match, after all. Interestingly, as the teamwork between Newry & Anderson begins to falter, Paradox & Cappallen’s teamwork seems to increase - the babyfaces having gained an understanding that one of them needs to win this to really stick it to ‘em.

Eventually, the tension between Newry & Anderson gets too much, as while Anderson saves Newry from being pinned, he did it in such a manner than Newry was struck across the head with an errant stomp… Maybe purposefully, to prevent Newry from breaking a pin attempt on Cappallen seconds later? In either case, Paradox saves the match by breaking the attempt. Anderson rises with a backfist on Paradox, and goes for The Science Of My Knee And Your Head, but Cappallen blocks it! Cappallen with a piggyback sleeper on Anderson! Newry approaches from behind - Paradox charges from the front - Anderson & Cappallen duck to the side! Paradox hits the Soul Splitter on Newry! Followed by the #1 Stunna! He makes the cover! Cappallen stops Anderson from breaking the pinfall!

WINNER: Paradox​

Paradox knees in the ring, fists on the mat, as he starts to come to terms with it. It’s not until Noach Van Der Cappallen scrambles to his side, holding the nGw Young Lion’s title to him, that it clicks, and Paradox rises, holding his newly won title, while Noach Van Der Cappallen applauds.

Broc Lobster: New champion! New champion!

Danielle Kennedy: The last man, the final standee from the old guard, who stuck with nGw through years, has finally achieved glory! The Young Lions Championship now belongs, to Paradox!

Charles Newry is chucking the hissyest of fits, while Aleksandar Anderson stares in disbelief. The Brain Trust has failed in their mission, while a very different champion now holds the title, as we fade to black…

~/~|~\~

We’re backstage! Inside the office of Bell Connelly, with Nolee LaCroix & Chuck Winnington, seated on some chairs that seem way too expensive for our budget. Bell is furiously writing someone on a piece of paper. Nolee is texting on her phone, and Chuck Winnington is vacantly staring into the distance.

Yup. This is who runs this shithole.

Finally, Bell slams her pencil into the desk.

Bell Connelly: I’ve got it.

Nolee LaCroix: Hm?

Bell holds up her piece of paper.

Bell Connelly: I’ve finally found the hidden message in today’s newspaper.

She throws the paper at Chuck, who catches it with one hand.

Chuck Winnington: ‘Michelle… Is… A… Bunt.’

Bell Connelly: I’m pretty sure that’s supposed to say ‘butt’ but the paper made a spelling error.

Chuck Winnington: Impressive! Ten points to you!

Bell Connelly pumps her fist in victory.

Nolee LaCroix: Not to be a party pooper, but shouldn’t we discuss what’s next? I mean, this PPV is nearly over, and I don’t think you’ve told me what your plans are for the next PPV cycle. Please tell me the name of our next PPV is a little bit better than this one.

Bell Connelly: I’m right ahead of you, Nolee, and I got the perfect name. Behold - Next Generation Wrestling presents: Jessica The Wizard Eats A Third Horse.

Nolee LaCroix: God-

Bell Connelly: I got it from a fever dream I had back in 2017.

Nolee LaCroix: -Damnit.

Bell Connelly: As for how we’ll decide the next contenders for the championships… Heh, well, I didn’t… I was hoping you wouldn’t bring it up. The world title contender is… Decided, but-

Nolee LaCroix: But? Who is it?

Bell Connelly: Tell you what, how about we decide the tag title and young lion directions, then I’ll get to the world title reveal? Eh? Chuck, whaddya got for me?

Chuck Winnington: I’m glad you asked, Bell! I’ve got this hot new idea for the Young Lion’s title scene. I call it… ‘Double-Shot Derringer.’ Or ‘Dead Ringer’s Revolver.’ I’m still workshopping the name.

Bell Connelly: Sounds terrible, let’s hear it.

Chuck Winnington: We have six contestants. Week one, they face off in a six-way match, one fall to a finish. Whoever wins, automatically qualifies for the Second Shot match, taking place the next week. The winner chooses from the remaining four contestants who will join them in the Second Shot match, with whoever they pinned being ineligible for choosing. The two then fight in the Second Shot match, the winner becoming the number one contender to the nGw Young Lion’s Championship.

Bell Connelly: It’s convoluted, I like it. Approved. Nolee, you got the tag division, what’s your thoughts?

Nolee LaCroix: What? Since when do I book things? I’m just the interviewer.

Bell Connelly: And my go-fer. Go fer-tch me some tag team booking.

Nolee LaCroix: Fine, fine. We got three new teams, apparently, how about we showcase them all? Beat the Clock challenge, eight teams, four matches, two per week, winners face the tag champions.

Bell Connelly: Ah, so this can be a way to give multiple teams a boost without writing them out completely, nice. I like it.

Nolee LaCroix: And the world title picture?

Bell Connelly: Okay. Look - promise me you won’t get mad.

Nolee LaCroix: … I promise?

Bell Connelly: Jasmine Perlot made some really good points yesterday-

Nolee LaCroix: Oh no.

Bell Connelly: About how we just had an nGw guy win at Back In Business-

Chuck Winnington: Oh no.

Bell Connelly: And it would be silly to pass up that exposure-

Nolee LaCroix: Please tell me you didn’t book the next challenger for the nGw world championship to be F-

The door is kicked open, and to the dismay of everyone, in walks... Funky Fedora. I'm sorry.

Funky Fedora: OH IT’S FEELING A BIT FUNKY UP IN HERE

Nolee LaCroix: GODAMNIT BELL

Bell Connelly: HE DEFENDED US AT BACK IN BUSINESS, IT’S LOGICAL BOOKING

Nolee LaCroix: SINCE WHEN HAVE YOU EVER BEEN LOGICAL

Bell Connelly: YOU PROMISED YOU WOULDN’T BE MAD

Nolee LaCroix: IT’S FUNKY FEDORA THIS IS A VALID REASON TO BREAK A PROMISE. GODAMNIT.

~/~|~\~

Danielle Kennedy: … Is that really the next challenger to the world title? Seriously?

Broc Lobster: Of all the people-

Danielle Kennedy: WHY HIM?!?

Broc Lobster: Well, ladies and gentlemen, while we come to terms with the previous announcement… It’s time, for our main event.

Danielle Kennedy: Heidi Blackthorn won a battle royal some time ago to gain this position, and seems dismissive of the current champion, ‘Stu Grimes.’ Perhaps, she may herald a new age of nGw… A more ‘Vicious’ age.

Broc Lobster: But let’s point out - ‘Stu Grimes’ has been quietly on a roll lately, knocking back the challenges of Percy Slash and Salvador Grimm. Can he make it to another defense?
​

nGw Championship
“Stu Grimes” © vs Heidi Blackthorn

Finally, our main event. ‘Stu Grimes’ for some reason has a giant E with him, which goes uncommented upon, though Broc Lobster seems innate furious at this, also for some reason.

Blackthorn seems to be in a foul mood, immediately taking the fight to ‘Grimes’, peppering him with chops and strikes, wearing down the big, big man. ‘Grimes’ just pushes her away with a body throw. This seems to be the go for the first portion of the match, Blackthorn whittling away at ‘Grimes’ while ‘Grimes’ halt momentum with various throws or suplexes. Blackthorn soon counters an attempted throw with an armdrag, which doesn’t take the big man down, and he just stomps on Blackthorn’s face in retaliation - but Blackthorn wraps her limbs around ‘Grimes’ tree trunk of a leg with a kneebar! ‘Grimes’ is already grabbing the ropes, but it’s a very damaging hold, and Blackthorn holds on for a count of four, breaking the hold and slipping out of the ring.

Blackthorn catches ‘Grimes’ with a drop-down jawbreaker over the ropes, and as ‘Grimes’ retreats, Blackthorn climbs on to the top turnbuckle, leaping with a hurricurana! ‘Grimes’ catches her in a powerbomb position, and goes for the Max-Out! Blackthorn leaps out of it, landing behind ‘Grimes’ and catching him with a neckbreaker, bringing ‘Grimes’ to his knees!

Heidi Blackthorn catches ‘Stu Grimes’ with a roundhouse kick! And another! Feet bouncing off of ‘Grimes’ head! She grabs his wrists, and hits the Vicious Stomps! ‘Grimes’ seems out of it! She goes for the lateral press - a long two count! ‘Grimes’ throws her off with such power that she goes sailing through the ropes, to the outside!

‘Grimes’ slowly makes it back to a vertical base, as Blackthorn does the same outside. ‘Grimes’ reaches through the ropes, to lift Blackthorn back into the ring - Blackthorn catches him with a DDT through the ropes! ‘Grimes’ head bounces off the apron! She climbs onto the turnbuckle as ‘Grimes’ recovers - Black Sunrise! But no! ‘Grimes’ blocks it, and hits the Max-Out!

He goes for the cover!

One! Two! KICKOUT! Heidi Blackthorn kicks out of the Max-Out!

‘Grimes’ looks annoyed. He points to the turnbuckle, signalling for the moonsault that he totally remembers how to do! But he gets cold feet, and abandons it, instead going for… A chokeslam? That’s not in Stu Grimes’ usual moveset. He lifts Blackthorn up for a chokeslam - but she slips out of it, managing to hit the Neck Crunch Driver!

She’s not done! Blackthorn traps ‘Grimes’ arms in a crucifix, and starts elbowing him in the dome repeatedly! Over and over again!

‘Grimes’ submits!

WINNER: Heidi Blackthorn​

Heidi Blackthorn gets in one more shot, before releasing the hold, rolling to the middle of the ring, pride on her face as the referee hands her the nGw Championship.

Danielle Kennedy: New champion! We have a new champion!

Broc Lobster: Heidi Blackthorn beats ‘Stu Grimes’ into submission, and wins the gold! The new face of the brand, with everything that comes with it!

‘Stu Grimes’ rolls out of the ring, clutching his wig onto his head, as Heidi Blackthorn’s celebration, is a touch… Subdued. She observes the retreating ‘Grimes’, turns to glance at the nGw faceplate, and raises her head.

A sly smirk breaks out.

We cut to black.​

 

[AON]

LETS.

GET.

FUNKY.

 

[Rosie]

The vicious generation has arrived.

 

[The ScapeDubb]

Fellas, things are about to get Goode.

Real Goode.

 

[Oz]

alejandro the ABSOLUTE workhorse. what a match write-up aon!

 

[Rosie]

Backstage after the interestingly named nGw event, “The Old Man Next Door Thinks His House Is Haunted!” the brand NEW nGw World Champion makes her way backstage. Her hair is done up in braids, half red and half black. She is still in her gear, sweat drenching from her after a match. But most importantly, she has her newly won championship in her hands. Going up to an interview area, she sits against the back wall, resting her newly won championship in her lap. Looking at the belt, she has a smirk on her face, but then her eyes glance at the plate. ‘nGw.’ She points to it.

“Finally, a new generation can start…” Her accent is subtle. She places her championship on her shoulder.

“...I can finally set a true standard… Because the one now has been lacking…” Getting up, she looks to the camera.

“I am not deaf. I am not blind. I am aware that there was a little ‘side bet’ with another company, CDW, to meet on the pre-show of FWA’s largest stage. Bell Connelly was asked to bring a representative from nGw to fight someone from CDW. She could have made plenty of options. She could have maybe…” She looks at the nGw World Champion. “Picked a soon to be crowned champion. She could have appeared on the large stage, beat someone in under a minute, and with the world on her, demanding the world to tune into nGw, where we are building something great…”

Heidi shakes her head, sighing.

“But she chose the fedora. She could have picked ANYONE else and it would have been less of an embarrassment for this company than him. The only blessing was that he won, or else I would have flown down to Mexico personally and threw him in the gulf!”

The voice of the nGw Champion raises.

“I threw away every single alternative in life to become a professional wrestler! I didn’t want to be a doctor or a banker. I am certainly not a scummy lawyer. The one thing I was put on this earth to do was fight and I fought to even make it to North America. So sorry if I take my livelihood seriously because now…”

She adjusts her title on her shoulder.

“I am the face of the next generation with this championship. I look at nGW’s roster and I do see some diamonds in the rough but it is covered with some trash. Some people who can’t fight or are too dumb to learn. As champion, I need this place to be at its best so that if one day someone beats me, I leave it in a better place. And to do that, I have two missions… Clean up the filth…”

Pausing, Heidi shows a wicked smirk. She speaks, relishing the thought. “-And give these people the pressure needed for the diamonds to emerge.”

Raising up her championship to the camera, she walks up close to it so the only thing seen is her face and the top prize in all of nGw.

“The vicious generation is here in nGw. It’s all about being able to do everything possible to get to the top. Show your heart. Your anger. Let it fuel you to stand on top of the heap that was your competition. No more jokes. No more clowns. Nothing will come easy here.”

Showing her wild side, Heidi’s eyes are wide open and she has a big smile on her face.

“Welcome to my world…”

The video cuts.​