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It's now six years since the last Halloween celebration in Haddonfield. Michael Myers, his niece Jamie, and the mysterious Man in Black all disappeared after the explosive end of Part 5. Everyone assumes them all to be dead...but actually, Jamie has been captured by the Man In Black, who has her impregnated. The baby arrives on Halloween eve, and a kind woman named Mary helps Jamie and her baby escape. However, Michael is close behind and although Jamie is able to hide the child, she is soon killed, but not before getting a message out that is heard by Tommy Doyle. He sets out to rescue the child and stop Michael's killing spree once and for all.
I believe most Halloween fans can agree about a couple of things that occurred in the franchise after Season of the Witch was released. For one, most would say Halloween IV was a great sequel and a wonderful return to form for the series. Second, most would also say that Halloween V, while showing potential, was rushed much too quickly into production and therefore ended up being a lot less effective than its predecessor. Finally, they all agree that Halloween: The Curse of Michael Myers could have been a good movie if only the producer’s cut had been released. Or was it that the theatrical cut had flaws but was pretty good? Wait, I know, it was that the producers cut made more sense and the theatrical cut was a total fucking mess. Okay, so I’ll admit that I’m not really sure which of those statements is true, but my personal feelings on the film are encompassed by the last one. I don’t think either version of this film is that special, but there’s no way I’d say the theatrical one was better than anything. In fact, outside of potentially only one other Halloween film (that we’ll be looking at in a couple of days), I’d say The Curse of Michael Myers is the worst of them all. That’s what happens when the studio doesn’t allow proper creative control and so in “honour†of that, I’ll be looking at the version THEY thought would be best; unfortunately basically nobody else did.
The original film was written by Daniel Farrands, a longtime fan of the series who was attempting to bridge both of the last films with the first two. His script, which ultimately went through ELEVEN re-writes (which has to be some kind of record) was pretty conceptually sound. I mean, sure there’s a lot of unbelievable stuff going on in it, but this is a horror film so logic shouldn’t always be the most important thing. Anyhow, it clearly wasn’t the most important thing in the minds of producer Paul Freeman and director Joe Chappelle, as they continually re-wrote and butchered what he had written while filming the movie. Not only that, Freeman (who had only ever worked as a producer) took it upon himself to shoot the second-unit work AND “help†edit the film. Needless to say this led to Dimension films deciding he was a total moron and subsequently having him shot into space. Alright, so they didn’t do that, but they did step in and change the movie AGAIN, which now makes my count about 468.74 times this film had been altered from script to final product. If you’re thinking that means it’s a total mess on almost every level you’d be absolutely correct and probably more qualified to make this film than either Freeman, Chappelle or anyone at Dimension Films.
Of course the production staff is only part of the problem with this film, the casting department was also doing their best to fuck things up as well. In fact, while I was writing yesterday’s review for Prince of Darkness and lamenting how awful the cast was I was actually looking ahead to this film and realizing it was worse! There is literally no actor in this film that looks like they should be in it OR that they give a shit about it at all and that includes Donald Pleasance, although in his defense he was basically dying at this point. Someone who wasn’t dying and therefore has no excuse for their piss poor performance here is Paul Rudd. Yes, you read that right, Paul FUCKING Rudd, the same dude who is now best known for being a relatively funny comedic actor (and had previously starred in the classic comedy Clueless) was somehow cast as the lead male in this film! Yeah, so he failed miserably but it’s actually alright because you don’t really notice when comparing him to some of the other bland and uninspired performances here. Mitch Ryan (Lethal Weapon) is cast as the Man in Black AKA Dr. Wynn AKA I don’t give a crap and yes, he sucks. You know who else sucks? The ENTIRE cast EXCEPT George P. Wilbur (Michael Myers) and Marianne Hagan (Kara Strode), who both turn in decent performances in a film full of awful ones. Of course this also means that Dimension films HATED Hagan (although they still signed off on her appearing in the film) claiming she was “too thin†and had a “pointy jawâ€. You just can’t make shit like that up!
Amazingly, the biggest problem with this film is NOT the meddling producer nor the horrible cast, but something much, much worse AND something that could have been easily remedied. That problem is that we're given so much information through exposition but never actually shown anything of substance. What I've gleaned from this, my 10th viewing of the film over the years, is that Myers is some sort of cursed avatar for a pagan cult. This is meant to explain why he HAS to kill every member of his family and why he's virtually unstoppable. However, while this is all well and good as a story, where the hell is the evidence that shows it in the film? Before you attempt to explain it to me I'll save you the time and tell you that it simply doesn't exist. There is NOTHING here that proves it and no amount of fanboy obsessed ramblings will make me change my mind. Sticking with the original story of Myers simply being an evil HUMAN being that's mind had gone so far off the deep end that it could never be repaired was fine, particularly given that Myers IS that character! Anyhow, story is the main problem of course, but the truth is that basically everything in this film reeks to high heaven and I can honestly say I am never going to watch it (or the producers cut for that matter) again. It’s sad when you can hate a movie so much that you can truly say you’ll never watch it again AND believe yourself. Such is the case with Halloween: The Curse of Michael Myers, a curse on not only the franchise, but the viewer as well. 3/10.
"Coming up tomorrow...Jamie's back...and Michael is ready."