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Emotional Stupidity (Looking for a tiny bit o' help)

Hometown Kid

Member
Um...there's no real way to tell my story without me seeming like a complete sucker, and probably emo fuck. But this is quite personal, so i'd like some legit help, not some bullshit post making fun of me. >_> My reasons to going here for help, are similar to Monk's in his online dating thread + Most of my friends offline here are girls and I need a guy's perspective. And forgive me if this goes multiple pages (PS3 limit and all) So here goes...

Like my last thread a few months ago, I fell in love with a girl, for 3 years I was the best person I could be, even helping her through a horrible self-harm phase that had been going on for over two years before we had started dating. I saved her life, more than once...Fast forward to January 2011 where I got stuck with no means to talk to her for a week or so. Two weeks before she promised to never drink before 21 again, and she was a different person than when she cut herself and got wasted those years ago. Guess what she does that week i'm gone?

At the behest of her best friend, gets wasted and blah. She tells me and I feel betrayed and got angry at her...but mostly at her friend. I always urged her to stay away from those people. Anyway, after she got drunk that time...she changed dramatically, no doubt about it. To backstory she went to Catholic shool and was troubled very deeply for many reasons...but was a good person, with good morals. That I always believed in. Not anymore though...she lied about anything she could to me. Even sending nude pics and having phone sex with 3 different people she met on Facebook or whatever. I didn't find that out until December but yeah. August comes, she gets drunk again and sucks her first dick of this asshole who also was cheating on his girlfriend. She tells me 2 months later, I'm devastated...so devastated. But she ends up vowing (Literally vowing to God) that it won't ever happen again and those people are out of her life forever. So I forgive her, we can get through this.

Even though I want to leave, I know that she doesn't care about him, but if I leave, her life spirals completely out of control and I know it. The right thing to do is try to save her. December comes, shit hits the fan, she never stopped seeing those "friends" (who encouraged her to cheat and hide it, by the way.) or the other asshole. She turns on me, says I couldn't have cheated on her because nobody would want me. (BTW, I could have with 3 different girls, but never did) cruelly makes a joke out of my 3 years worth of love and feelings, even goes so far to go to him at night and text and call me from there. Post-New Year she sent a bunch of concerning texts to me, which I ignore. Around my birthday there were some extremely dark times in my life, but I got out, and other girls did like me, lo and behold. Which made the first bitch extremely jealous. She even sent messages with rumors to a girlfriend I had that always liked me, but that didn't work.

So Feburary she texts me saying she started smoking pot with asshole guy, having full sex, and I was always right. Oh and now (again at the constant groping/flirting of her best friend from earlier.P she's bisexual. Pretty much all the things I hate in life with a passion she's turned to. She wants help, she's sorry, blahblah, But wait asshole guy calls and gives an hourlong faggy speech crying and being a piece of shit, as usual. After that she's not sorry, doesn't need help, and i'm a pathetic little boy, but don't go, she likes me. Month later she texts me, begging me to take her back, she wants to go back blahblah, but it's not like she could end things with other guy right away, that'd be too hard. Fuck her, I reject her this time and let her live her generic teenage life. ...Two days ago, she texts me, saying she needs me back, she doesn't love him, she ruined her life and is finally determined to make it better. She'll fix this. Blah. I rail against her heavily, as she's never once shown she's truly sorry for anything she's done, enough to ever stop. I tell her to go to Hell, and she brought everything on herself, and we would have been truly happy had she just waited for me. I did my part, she knows and she's turned into a potwhore. She talked to him again and gave a small resistance "Such as How does cheating on one person make me a whore, how does smoking pot 4 times make me a pothead?" Anyway the conversation ends with me feeling stupid for even talking to her. Earlier today however, I looked up things about her on the net, FB and such. And it just brought back everything I felt, seeing her again, seeing some things she said and did, just a mess. She also claims to be legit mentally detached and she doesn't feel anything, but she does, it's basically a bunch of crap.

ANYWAY, with these returned feelings of terror seeing what she's become and to at least...keep her from doing any more damage to her life and/or making me hurt more. I feel like it's completely ridiculous to care at all about her after everything that happened, but I still miss that person from all those years ago, and don't want to accept that it was all one of her big lies. And words can't describe how much I want revenge on that guy. SO bad.

So I try to go back to the first person I ever loved and deal with that mess and probably get crushed again, or walk away, and face the possibility of being miserable my entire life. (Trust me, I have the memory of an elephant) So yeah...thoughts on all this? What's the lesser of my two evils, the smaller risk? Thanks for reading all this if you did. There goes all our dirty laundry I guess. >_>
 

...god...

Active Member
Um delete/block her number and go fuck another girl, you'll be over her in no time and realize there's toooons of women many of whom are more attractive, treat you better, and have more in common with you. Seriously. If you dont believe me, read this thread. Shits making you miserable and wasting your time and life, why bother? Be happy and selfish for once quit worrying about helping people especially those who are helpless and doomed to begin with because they need clear mental help and got dealt a shitty card. People dont really change, just stop worrying about it. Hope that helped.
 
Luke Flywalker

Luke Flywalker

Well-Known Member
HTK, love's a bitch man. From experience in a somewhat similar situation (in terms of trying to be a hero to a troubled person), you're only human. Legitimately the best thing you can do to help and save her, ultimately, is just end everything with her and go start a new chapter and hope she sees that she needs to grow up and help herself to be a better person... and if she goes further down the path of self-destruction, she's just proving the theory that she can't be saved.

No one person is worth destroying your own life over. Love, a relationship, is about being a good person to yourself first and foremost, and to the other person. She clearly isn't into it and is only looking for the benefits you provide outside of her selfish, physical desires.

What you think is tough in ending it, ultimately is a cakewalk compared to the things you'll have to deal with by staying involved with her. Block her number, delete her from your internet life, and just go find someone else. You're a good person from what I can gather here, you're confident other women will want you, go find 'em. Save yourself, not someone else. In the end you'll look back and hate that you were blinded for so long and stuck with her, but you owe it to yourself to go make yourself happy with someone who will commit to you like you commit to them.
 

Italian Outsider

Active Member
There is enough material to hate her for the rest of your life in the first half of your post. The only thing you should do, is give her the final blow. She's rubbish, she needs to go down. The logic promoted in movies that ''forgiving'' is for the strong is absolute poo. People forgive because they forget. I, for once, don't. You forgive only when it's not a big thing, or it can be fixed. Otherwise it's much better to wait for the right time, and then strike the final blow.
 

monkeystyle

Active Member
Hometown Kid said:
Earlier today however, I looked up things about her on the net, FB and such.
Click to expand...

I'm not going to call you a sucker because emotions suck but better to have them than not.

Anyway, for that little line above I am going to call you an idiot and I mean idiot in the way I would call TIO, G1, TDK or Peep an idiot, not in a Small Show way. It's a softer, more gentle way. Like getting fucked in the ass with lube as opposed to without.

I digress.

One of the hardest things you'll ever have to learn in life is how to cut someone out completely. It feels like a really nasty thing to do, but the truth is you have to look out for yourself. This person is a leech. You are nothing more to her than a source of sustenance for her emotional garbage and as long as you continue to feed her she will never go away. At some point a person reaches a point where the bullshit is just too much and you need to start looking out for yourself. As of now you should have already reached this point and should want to make her a distant memory. If you haven't then shit son, you're a far better man than I.

All this though is a lot simpler than you might think. You just need to exhibit a little discipline. This means no more creeping her Facebook and whatever other cyber stalking you've been doing. That shit's not healthy. Block her number and whatever else you can. If she calls you from a different number, hang up immediately. Don't be a fucking doormat.

Another piece of advice. Yes, she's your first whatever and it's true that you are never going to forget her but you don't have to acknowledge her beyond the knowledge you will take away from this situation and the mistakes that you have made.

You're 20 years old. This is likely one of your first hard lessons in "deal with it". You're young, get that shit out. Don't hold anything back and you'll be fine.
 

Hometown Kid

Member
Wait a minute, there was never any cyber stalking, she was the one who told me about her little journal/note deal, I just took it into my hands to see for myself. >_>

But the reality is, you're right. Even with anger, i'm only encouraging her act by continuing to take her bait, so to speak. I've already blocked her on FB (Can't on phone, older model, but i'll just ignore her like I did before) I'm not really worried about me so much anymore, I had an adverse reaction to seeing those again, but logic's winning out on this I think. I can't imagine any sort of relationship working, even for a short time. I still have a sinking feeling that she's good, but surrounded by people who changed her. I don't want her to go down this road, especially if I could stop it, which is why i've held on to begin with, but no...she's gotta go.

Thanks for your input, guys. I was inexperienced in "romantic" endeavors before her, and I needed some guidance here. What a waste. But i'll be fine, whatever the outcome. ;D
 

...god...

Active Member
typed that from my phone, just read the rest. Forgot to add, that guy deserves to get his ass beat tbh. And I don't buy the people around her made her change bit. Please. If it was an initial spur of the moment thing, just one, then MAYBE. Otherwise, it's just an excuse.
 

Hometown Kid

Member
I literally almost had the guy killed, but at the eleventh hour, I was convinced not to, since having murder on my consience would be a whole 'nother issue. Still think if I ever had a face to face meeting with that fucker, there'd be world war 3. I still question to this day if an act of revenge would make things better but meh, i'm a lot less miserable the last couple of months so i'm not going to put time and energy into something like that. He'll get what's coming eventually though, i'm sure of it.
 
This Guy

This Guy

Member
I didn't read like the last paragraph, and I admit I really didn't read the rest of the posts, but here are my thoughts.

1) It is comendible that you want to see the good in people even when there is next to nothing good to see.

2) Some people though can't be saved. Sometimes as much as you may care for the person and as much as you may want to help them they just can't be saved and they are only going to break you down and make things worse.

Bottom line is my advice is to walk away for good. Cut them out of your life for good. It is difficult but it can be done. Putting others before yourself is a great quality to have, but sometimes you need to know when to put yourself first. This is one of those times. You can't save someone who doesn't want to be saved. She has to hit rock bottom first, and even then sometimes its not possible.
 

He who knows more than Nation

Active Member
I'm watching a friend go through a very similar situation right now with a tomato. She's all sorts of bad for him and it's frustrating trying to tell him to leave her the fuck alone. He's sleeping at rest stops in his car because of this broad. He's hurting himself much more than he's "helping" her.

That being said, it's easy to say "leave that bird alone", but it's really not that easy. I hope you get it figured out, stressing over love is difficult to deal with. Put some bait on the ol' hook, there's plenty o' fish out there.
 
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