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Hello my fellow Smarks, the Doctor of UWF a.k.a. Daddy Dres here with a brief but hopefully entertaining Dresden Dose exclusive. I won't be reviewing anything, but I am going to show you something that's going to give a little bit of insider detail. Before Chris Benoit was decided on as the Co-General Manager of Smackdown, Hoov's plan was for it to be Stone Cold, except him as Stone Cold but I wanted it to be me. After going back and forth on the issue, he decided to bring in Benoit and leave the "Rattlesnake" alone, noting that if he comes back, it'll be because I bring him back. Anyhoo, this past Friday was to be the big reveal so I wrote an opening segment. Obviously it wasn't used because of the change in direction, but I don't want it to go to waste, so here it is guys!
Ultimate Wrestling Federations Presents.....
UWF Friday Night SmackDown!
[video=youtube;eu-xFvLaE68]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eu-xFvLaE68[/video]
"WELCOME TO THE NEW AGE!" "Radioactive" by Imagine Dragons plays over the PA system. An impressive pyrotechnics display is seen as SmackDown! gets underway. We go down to ringside and meet up with Booker T and Michael Cole.
Michael Cole: Hello ladies and gentlemen and welcome to Smackdown! I'm the voice of UWF, "Vintage" Michael Cole.
Booker T: And here ta' try an' keep his ego in check every week, I'm Booker T.
Michael Cole: Book, I'm still incredibly pumped up from what happened at Summerslam.
Booker T: As we all are, dawg. We got a new Internet Champion, a new UWF Champion, and some fresh faces around here too!
Michael Cole: And we plan to keep the momentum going folks with an action packed card. What a main event we have on tap, for example, can you believe we're going to see...
"IT'S TIME TO PLAY THE GAME!"
Booker T: I guess we'll get to that lata', dawg, the COO's got somethin' ta' say.
"TIME TO PLAY THE GAME!
MWU HA HA HA HA HA!"
"The Game" by Motorhead roars over the PA system as the crowd is on their feet to show their support. Many of them are decked out in various Triple H shirts, others carrying Triple H themed signs like, "Ryder, it's time to play The Game!" and "He's That Damn Good" while some are even mimicking his trademark pose. As the "Game"'s fans are out in full force, the man himself steps through the curtains in his suit as he looks out at all of them.
Lillian Garcia: Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome the Chief Operating Officer of the Ultimate Wrestling Federation, Triple H!
Triple H makes his way down the ramp and turns, walking towards the steel steps until he arrives at them, ascending them when he does. Once he reaches the top of the steps, he makes his way onto the apron, walking along it as he steps through the ropes to enter the ring, lifting the microphone he's carrying to his mouth as his music fades out to silence.
Triple H: Last time I was with you here live on Smackdown, I made sure that things around here underwent some much needed changes. In case you missed the last edition, I got rid of the dead weight that was Antonio Cesaro and Austin Aries as well as that sorry excuse for a title the Television Championship. Well here we are again, the first Smackdown after Summerslam, and there are more changes on the way. Once again, if you missed last week, those changes were met with a lot of resistance on Zack Ryder's part, but what he and all of you need to understand is I am the Chief Operating Officer of the UWF, which means even though I am under contract to wrestle for Smackdown, I still hold that position as well and therefore outrank the General Manager position and can override any of his decisions.
But as a competitor, as time goes on I won't always be able to juggle that as well as keep Zack Ryder in check, which is why over the weekend I decided that we're going to borrow a page from Anarchy and assign Zack Ryder a Co-General Manager. Ladies and gentlemen, this is a man that needs no introduction, but he'd be pretty pissed off if I didn't give him one, so here he is, the longest reigning UWF Champion in company history, Stone...Cold....Steve....AUSTIN!
Triple H motions to the stage as the infamous sound of glass shattering is heard.
"PSSSHHHH!!!!!
[video=youtube;2TwLOOFvzS4]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2TwLOOFvzS4&feature=player_embedded[/video]
The fans in attendance can't believe it as they all rise to their feet, seemingly in unison, to cheer the impending arrival of the one and only "Texas Rattlesnake". It isn't long before Austin makes his way through the curtain, making his way down the ramp with a purpose.
Booker T: Oh my goodness, that boy Triple H is bringin' in da big guns!
Michael Cole: The former general manager of Anarchy is now going to help run Smackdown!
Stone Cold enters the ring and heads to the far corner, ascending it and posing for the crowd as they pop even more loudly and passionately than before.
Austin steps down and repeats this with the other three turnbuckles before retrieving a microphone from the ringside officials as he raises the microphone to his mouth and his music fades out to silence.
Stone Cold: If I didn't know any better, I'd say ya'll were happy ta' see ol' Stone Cold.
The crowd responds with an enormous pop as the smile on Stone Cold's face widens.
Stone Cold: Well believe you me, I don't speak from the bottom a' this Texas heart often, but it's good ta' see each an' every one of you as well. Now before I go throwin' my weight around, there's that ceremonial question buzzing in the air that all of you want me ta' answer. Why has Stone Cold come ta' Smackdown and why has he done so as Co-General Manager. Well there's quite a few reasons. First and foremost, Stone Cold ain't too happy about the terms he left on the last time ya saw him, what with tryna' make Sting's life a living hell an' all that. Stone Cold doesn't want you people ta' boo 'im, he wants you ta' cheer 'im, and the best way ta' redeem all that is ta' get myself a fresh start. Stone Cold was sittin' at the Broken Skull Ranch with his dog Hershey, drinkin' a couple Steveweisers, and about that time the phone rang.
Stone Cold looked at who it was before he answered it, and wouldn't ya know it, it was Triple H's corporate mug on ma' telephone screen. So I picked it up, and he said, "Hey Steve" an' I said, "Hey Paul", cuz Stone Cold and Triple H speak on a first name basis. Anyhoo, he said, "Hey Steve, have you been watchin' You Dubya Eff by chance?" an' I said, "Hell yeah, Stone Cold loves You Dubya Eff, he watches it every Tuesday, Wednesday, an' Friday." "Good, good" said Triple H, "Have ya seen what's goin' on with Smackdown?" An' Stone Cold said, "Yeah, it absolutely sucks. The You Dubya Eff Champion's getting treated like a damn jobber, Eddie Guerrero's pissed off about the same things he was three years ago and got screwed outta the Television Championship, and they put one a' the New Kids on the Block in charge of the place."
Triple H told me that's what he wanted ta' talk ta' me about. He needs someone ta' not make this place suck as hard as it does, he needs someone ta' make this place not suck at all. He admitted there was a concern when he first had the idea, but then he saw me tell Vince Russo where ta' get off at on Anarchy and knew he had made the right choice. So I told him, "Aiight son, I'll do it" and here I am. Ya see, Stone Cold and Smackdown go together like margaritas and salt, you can have one without the other, but it just ain't the same as it would be if ya combined 'em. Stone Cold started his career in You See Dubya on Smackdown, he won his first championship on Smackdown, had a lot of great matches and a lot of memorable feuds on Smackdown. Stone Cold's here because he knows that You Dubya Eff Smackdown has the potential ta' be like Stone Cold's Smackdown from days gone past.
However, one a' the ways ta' do that is to switch up the roster a little bit. It was unfortunate that Cesaro and Aries had ta' go, especially Aries, he an' I have unfinished business, but like a horse with a gimp leg attached to a carriage, if you ain't pullin' yer weight, you gotta be put down, Jack. Now as you saw at Summerslam, the "Rated R Superstar" Edge has returned ta' Friday nights and made his return by cashing in on the former You Dubya Eff Champion Batista. That's a big signing, in fact those two goin' at it for a pay-per-view or two could be the feud that gets people talkin' about this place positively again, but that's not why I brought it up. I bring it up because Stone Cold did a little signing himself.
It cost Smackdown The Brian Kendrick and Curt Hawkins, Jinder Mahal, and Heath Slater of the Three Man Band, but we got him. This signing is monumental and is key to the future success a' this place, and it should prove ta' each an' every one of ya that Stone Cold's buried the hatchet with just about everyone you can think of him havin' beef with. This man is someone that I wrestled a lot durin' my time on You See Dubya Smackdown, he's a man I wrestled here in You Dubya Eff, he's a man that was part of The Cabinet and S.C.A.R. for the brief time we revived it while we were runnin' roughshod over Anarchy. He's the man that I surpassed to become the longest reigning You Dubya Eff Champion. Ah hell, you know who I'm talkin' about by now. The "Best in the World", See Em Punk!
Much like Triple H did earlier, Austin motions to the stage.
"LOOK IN MY EYES...
WHAT DO YA SEE?
THE CULT OF PERSONALITY!"
[video=youtube;3VecWBsIDh8]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3VecWBsIDh8[/video]
The crowd responds with a mixed reaction, but mostly cheers as this is a signing that is a shock to almost everyone. As the crowd is on their feet, the man himself steps through the curtain and walks onto the stage, bending down to cup his hands around his mouth and shout, "It's Clobberin' Time!"
Booker T: This night just keeps gettin' betta', dawg!
Michael Cole: First Austin, now Punk. This is great!
Punk makes his way down the ramp and enters the ring, shaking hands with Triple H and then with Stone Cold before he is granted a microphone and raises it to his mouth, "Cult of Personality" fading out to silence.
CM Punk: Thank you, Steven, it's nice to be somewhere that I know I'm going to be appreciated. No being forced to defend rematch clauses that I shouldn't have had to defend, congrats by the way you big fat "Bore Machine". No being put in ridiculous eight-man tag team matches to overcrowd the main event or overshadow me when I should be the focal point of things. And when I've got a big reveal upcoming or a big plan in motion, like Roman Reigns being my muscle, I'll be able to deliver the pay-off in my time and under my...own...terms. Not to mention, what was left for me to do on Anarchy? I wanted the International Championship back, especially because I never should've lost it to that dance hall Ken doll, but on the other hand I've already held it twice, I've proven that I am the best on that brand and after you've been to the top of the class twice, and were on your way to being there a third time, meh, the novelty kinda wears off.
Anarchy didn't outgrow me, I'd still be there if Vince Russo or Mick Foley had their way. The truth is, I outgrew Anarchy and much like Stone Cold over here, I'm here because Smackdown needs me. And I'm not going to waste any time putting you all on notice, I was the "Best in the World" on Wednesday nights and I'll be the "Best in the World" now that I'm appearing on Friday nights. So bring on your Batistas and your Damien Sandows, your John Morrisons and Eddie Guerreros, because none of them are in my league and I'm chomping at the bit to prove it like a wild dog, with hunger in my eyes and saliva pouring from the corners of my mouth. That idiot Bill Goldberg is always asking who's next, but I don't care about who's next, I'm not focusing on the second or third or fourth person that's lining up to get shamed by me, I want to know who's first.
Austin goes to speak, but before he can, he is cut off.
[video=youtube;dDFQbQkw6gI]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dDFQbQkw6gI&feature=player_embedded[/video]
The crowd boos as the "Intellectual Savior of the Unwashed Masses" Damien Sandow walks out onto the stage with his accomplice Mike Knox. Both men make their way to the ring and enter it as Sandow raises the microphone he's carrying to his mouth, his music fading out to silence.
Damien Sandow: I will thank all of you, out of respect for my cause to educate this ragtag bunch of fans and clean these unwashed masses, to cease this nonsense at once. You are setting back my progress an alarming amount with this ignorance. I mean, am I really to believe that someone like Stone Cold Steve Austin, a man that has had no respect for someone that holds any kind of power over him since the doctor that delivered him first swatted his bottom, ignorantly gestures to the young crowd profane hand signs, and drinks so much alcohol that, when Steve requires a transplant, it would fail the donor liver before either of them went under the knife, is going to run this serial with any kind of decency? I know you're convinced that the sheer star power of your name appearing on the flyers will sell lots of tickets and draw lots of ratings, and perhaps it will, but I know I speak for everyone when I say that we do not need you to fill that role, because it is one already being assumed by me.
The crowd boos this intensely as Stone Cold leans into Damien's face.
Stone Cold: What?
The crowd laughs and cheers this immensely.
Damien Sandow: Ah yes, I was wondering how much time we were going to allot out here before you reached into your tired bag of tricks and retrieved that one. I know you're convinced that by somehow pretending you didn't hear anything I just said to you, you're putting me in my place and teaching me a lesson, silencing me even, but I am far more intelligent than all of the men that have succumbed to and suffered at the sound of that for all these years combined, so you're going to have to try much harder than that.
It's at this time that Punk steps in between them.
CM Punk: Damien, is it? I don't think we've been properly introduced. My name is CM Punk, and I'm the best in the world.
Sandow turns his attention to Punk.
Damien Sandow: It's nice to meet you, Mr. Punk, so long as you understand your place around here. You see, there is a pecking order, and I should be at the top of that pecking order as the UWF Champion and your intellectual savior, but it appears I am destined to scale the same long ladder that Cody Rhodes scaled, rung by rung year after year. No matter, I just thought you should know that, in case you had any ideas of doing so, you shouldn't do something so foolish as attack me and instead reserve your full bladder and acetic acid for someone more your speed, like Brother Devon or Eddie Guerrero.
[video=youtube;Tida-hyDxXE]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Tida-hyDxXE[/video]
"Warrior" by Disturbed begins to play as Eddie Guerrero walks out onto the stage where the crowd greets him with unanimous booing that they emit with passionate intensity. Eddie pays no mind to their disdain as he makes his way down the ramp, his eyes fixated on the ring.
After arriving at the end of the ramp, Eddie heads up the steel steps and makes his way along the apron, stepping through the ropes and entering the ring. Eddie looks out at the crowd as he raises the microphone he's holding up to his mouth.
Eddie Guerrero: It's funny you should say that, holmes, because at the end of that match, you weren't the second to last man that was holding the UWF Championship, I was. I am the biggest threat to the UWF Championship, no matter who's holding it, and if it wasn't for John Morrison's cowardly attack and Batista's cheap pin, I would BE the UWF Champion. But standing here pissing and moaning about it isn't going to fix anything, if I've got to get back in line then so be it, ese', but before I get in that line, I believe Punk was out here wondering who was going to be first in his.
Eddie gets in Punk's face as the two have a staredown. Before anything can happen, Sandow spins Punk around and hits him with a hard right to knock him to the mat. Sandow and Guerrero team up on Punk and begin stomping him into the mat. Chavo slides into the ring to join the fray but Stone Cold takes him down with a Lou Thesz Press and starts hammering away as the crowd is going nuts. Triple H grabs Eddie and throws him off of Punk and into the ropes, and as he comes back, connects with a Double A Spinebuster!
Booker T: Oh my goodness!
Michael Cole: Well he is a contracted talent, Book! And Stone Cold, well...
Booker T: Stone Cold's just bein' that ol' Rattlesnake we know an' love!
Michael Cole: Wait a second, what's this?
Punk gets to his feet as he and Sandow are trading punches, but suddenly Mike Knox hits the ring but so does Roman Reigns as the two big men go after each other. Reigns hits Knox with a spear that nearly cuts him in half as Punk ducks one of Sandow's punches and lifts him onto his shoulders for the Go To Sleep. Punk connects with the move as Triple H hits Eddie with the Pedigree and Austin hits Chavo with the Stone Cold Stunner. The crowd is going ballistic but they forgot one as El Mesias hops the barricade and pulls Austin out of the ring and slings him into the barricade.
Booker T: Brutal!
Mesias enters the ring and hits Reigns with a spear of his own, taking the big man down. Bodies are lying everywhere as Mesias and Triple H have a staredown. Suddenly Punk spins Mesias around and hits him with a brutal kick to the side of the head. This causes Mesias to turn around dizzily as Triple H hits him with a Pedigree! Triple H and Punk pose together, but all is not well, as suddenly...
WHERE ALL MY BROS AT?!
[video=youtube;opv_wbs8QJI]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=opv_wbs8QJI[/video]
The crowd lets out a mostly positive reaction to the current SmackDown General Manager Zack Ryder. He doesn't look happy as he raises the microphone he's carrying to his mouth once his music stops playing.
Zack Ryder: That's enough, bros! I've seen enough! A guy runs across the street to the supermarket to get one Bud Light Lime and this is what happens while he's gone. There's a new Co-GM, a new signing, and all sorts of hell breaks loose, well not on my show! Eddie wants a piece of Punk and Punk and Sandow want a piece of each other. Well here's what I'm gonna do! Eddie, I'm sick of hearing your Mexican ass complain about me each and every week, but I'm not going to give you what you want. Instead, your little nephew there is going to be the one I'm putting in action. As for Punk and Sandow, it's on, bro!
Next week on Zackdown, it's going to be CM Punk versus Damien Sandow in the main event, and Chavo Guerrero versus John Morrison with Eddie and Mesias banned from ringside. Oh, and Eddie, if Chavo loses, he's outta here, bro! Woo woo woo, you know it!
"Radio" begins playing again as Ryder throws up the "LI" and heads backstage as Smackdown rolls on.
Ultimate Wrestling Federations Presents.....
UWF Friday Night SmackDown!
[video=youtube;eu-xFvLaE68]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eu-xFvLaE68[/video]
"WELCOME TO THE NEW AGE!" "Radioactive" by Imagine Dragons plays over the PA system. An impressive pyrotechnics display is seen as SmackDown! gets underway. We go down to ringside and meet up with Booker T and Michael Cole.
Michael Cole: Hello ladies and gentlemen and welcome to Smackdown! I'm the voice of UWF, "Vintage" Michael Cole.
Booker T: And here ta' try an' keep his ego in check every week, I'm Booker T.
Michael Cole: Book, I'm still incredibly pumped up from what happened at Summerslam.
Booker T: As we all are, dawg. We got a new Internet Champion, a new UWF Champion, and some fresh faces around here too!
Michael Cole: And we plan to keep the momentum going folks with an action packed card. What a main event we have on tap, for example, can you believe we're going to see...
"IT'S TIME TO PLAY THE GAME!"
Booker T: I guess we'll get to that lata', dawg, the COO's got somethin' ta' say.
"TIME TO PLAY THE GAME!
MWU HA HA HA HA HA!"
"The Game" by Motorhead roars over the PA system as the crowd is on their feet to show their support. Many of them are decked out in various Triple H shirts, others carrying Triple H themed signs like, "Ryder, it's time to play The Game!" and "He's That Damn Good" while some are even mimicking his trademark pose. As the "Game"'s fans are out in full force, the man himself steps through the curtains in his suit as he looks out at all of them.
Lillian Garcia: Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome the Chief Operating Officer of the Ultimate Wrestling Federation, Triple H!
Triple H makes his way down the ramp and turns, walking towards the steel steps until he arrives at them, ascending them when he does. Once he reaches the top of the steps, he makes his way onto the apron, walking along it as he steps through the ropes to enter the ring, lifting the microphone he's carrying to his mouth as his music fades out to silence.
Triple H: Last time I was with you here live on Smackdown, I made sure that things around here underwent some much needed changes. In case you missed the last edition, I got rid of the dead weight that was Antonio Cesaro and Austin Aries as well as that sorry excuse for a title the Television Championship. Well here we are again, the first Smackdown after Summerslam, and there are more changes on the way. Once again, if you missed last week, those changes were met with a lot of resistance on Zack Ryder's part, but what he and all of you need to understand is I am the Chief Operating Officer of the UWF, which means even though I am under contract to wrestle for Smackdown, I still hold that position as well and therefore outrank the General Manager position and can override any of his decisions.
But as a competitor, as time goes on I won't always be able to juggle that as well as keep Zack Ryder in check, which is why over the weekend I decided that we're going to borrow a page from Anarchy and assign Zack Ryder a Co-General Manager. Ladies and gentlemen, this is a man that needs no introduction, but he'd be pretty pissed off if I didn't give him one, so here he is, the longest reigning UWF Champion in company history, Stone...Cold....Steve....AUSTIN!
Triple H motions to the stage as the infamous sound of glass shattering is heard.
"PSSSHHHH!!!!!
[video=youtube;2TwLOOFvzS4]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2TwLOOFvzS4&feature=player_embedded[/video]
The fans in attendance can't believe it as they all rise to their feet, seemingly in unison, to cheer the impending arrival of the one and only "Texas Rattlesnake". It isn't long before Austin makes his way through the curtain, making his way down the ramp with a purpose.
Booker T: Oh my goodness, that boy Triple H is bringin' in da big guns!
Michael Cole: The former general manager of Anarchy is now going to help run Smackdown!
Stone Cold enters the ring and heads to the far corner, ascending it and posing for the crowd as they pop even more loudly and passionately than before.
Austin steps down and repeats this with the other three turnbuckles before retrieving a microphone from the ringside officials as he raises the microphone to his mouth and his music fades out to silence.
Stone Cold: If I didn't know any better, I'd say ya'll were happy ta' see ol' Stone Cold.
The crowd responds with an enormous pop as the smile on Stone Cold's face widens.
Stone Cold: Well believe you me, I don't speak from the bottom a' this Texas heart often, but it's good ta' see each an' every one of you as well. Now before I go throwin' my weight around, there's that ceremonial question buzzing in the air that all of you want me ta' answer. Why has Stone Cold come ta' Smackdown and why has he done so as Co-General Manager. Well there's quite a few reasons. First and foremost, Stone Cold ain't too happy about the terms he left on the last time ya saw him, what with tryna' make Sting's life a living hell an' all that. Stone Cold doesn't want you people ta' boo 'im, he wants you ta' cheer 'im, and the best way ta' redeem all that is ta' get myself a fresh start. Stone Cold was sittin' at the Broken Skull Ranch with his dog Hershey, drinkin' a couple Steveweisers, and about that time the phone rang.
Stone Cold looked at who it was before he answered it, and wouldn't ya know it, it was Triple H's corporate mug on ma' telephone screen. So I picked it up, and he said, "Hey Steve" an' I said, "Hey Paul", cuz Stone Cold and Triple H speak on a first name basis. Anyhoo, he said, "Hey Steve, have you been watchin' You Dubya Eff by chance?" an' I said, "Hell yeah, Stone Cold loves You Dubya Eff, he watches it every Tuesday, Wednesday, an' Friday." "Good, good" said Triple H, "Have ya seen what's goin' on with Smackdown?" An' Stone Cold said, "Yeah, it absolutely sucks. The You Dubya Eff Champion's getting treated like a damn jobber, Eddie Guerrero's pissed off about the same things he was three years ago and got screwed outta the Television Championship, and they put one a' the New Kids on the Block in charge of the place."
Triple H told me that's what he wanted ta' talk ta' me about. He needs someone ta' not make this place suck as hard as it does, he needs someone ta' make this place not suck at all. He admitted there was a concern when he first had the idea, but then he saw me tell Vince Russo where ta' get off at on Anarchy and knew he had made the right choice. So I told him, "Aiight son, I'll do it" and here I am. Ya see, Stone Cold and Smackdown go together like margaritas and salt, you can have one without the other, but it just ain't the same as it would be if ya combined 'em. Stone Cold started his career in You See Dubya on Smackdown, he won his first championship on Smackdown, had a lot of great matches and a lot of memorable feuds on Smackdown. Stone Cold's here because he knows that You Dubya Eff Smackdown has the potential ta' be like Stone Cold's Smackdown from days gone past.
However, one a' the ways ta' do that is to switch up the roster a little bit. It was unfortunate that Cesaro and Aries had ta' go, especially Aries, he an' I have unfinished business, but like a horse with a gimp leg attached to a carriage, if you ain't pullin' yer weight, you gotta be put down, Jack. Now as you saw at Summerslam, the "Rated R Superstar" Edge has returned ta' Friday nights and made his return by cashing in on the former You Dubya Eff Champion Batista. That's a big signing, in fact those two goin' at it for a pay-per-view or two could be the feud that gets people talkin' about this place positively again, but that's not why I brought it up. I bring it up because Stone Cold did a little signing himself.
It cost Smackdown The Brian Kendrick and Curt Hawkins, Jinder Mahal, and Heath Slater of the Three Man Band, but we got him. This signing is monumental and is key to the future success a' this place, and it should prove ta' each an' every one of ya that Stone Cold's buried the hatchet with just about everyone you can think of him havin' beef with. This man is someone that I wrestled a lot durin' my time on You See Dubya Smackdown, he's a man I wrestled here in You Dubya Eff, he's a man that was part of The Cabinet and S.C.A.R. for the brief time we revived it while we were runnin' roughshod over Anarchy. He's the man that I surpassed to become the longest reigning You Dubya Eff Champion. Ah hell, you know who I'm talkin' about by now. The "Best in the World", See Em Punk!
Much like Triple H did earlier, Austin motions to the stage.
"LOOK IN MY EYES...
WHAT DO YA SEE?
THE CULT OF PERSONALITY!"
[video=youtube;3VecWBsIDh8]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3VecWBsIDh8[/video]
The crowd responds with a mixed reaction, but mostly cheers as this is a signing that is a shock to almost everyone. As the crowd is on their feet, the man himself steps through the curtain and walks onto the stage, bending down to cup his hands around his mouth and shout, "It's Clobberin' Time!"
Booker T: This night just keeps gettin' betta', dawg!
Michael Cole: First Austin, now Punk. This is great!
Punk makes his way down the ramp and enters the ring, shaking hands with Triple H and then with Stone Cold before he is granted a microphone and raises it to his mouth, "Cult of Personality" fading out to silence.
CM Punk: Thank you, Steven, it's nice to be somewhere that I know I'm going to be appreciated. No being forced to defend rematch clauses that I shouldn't have had to defend, congrats by the way you big fat "Bore Machine". No being put in ridiculous eight-man tag team matches to overcrowd the main event or overshadow me when I should be the focal point of things. And when I've got a big reveal upcoming or a big plan in motion, like Roman Reigns being my muscle, I'll be able to deliver the pay-off in my time and under my...own...terms. Not to mention, what was left for me to do on Anarchy? I wanted the International Championship back, especially because I never should've lost it to that dance hall Ken doll, but on the other hand I've already held it twice, I've proven that I am the best on that brand and after you've been to the top of the class twice, and were on your way to being there a third time, meh, the novelty kinda wears off.
Anarchy didn't outgrow me, I'd still be there if Vince Russo or Mick Foley had their way. The truth is, I outgrew Anarchy and much like Stone Cold over here, I'm here because Smackdown needs me. And I'm not going to waste any time putting you all on notice, I was the "Best in the World" on Wednesday nights and I'll be the "Best in the World" now that I'm appearing on Friday nights. So bring on your Batistas and your Damien Sandows, your John Morrisons and Eddie Guerreros, because none of them are in my league and I'm chomping at the bit to prove it like a wild dog, with hunger in my eyes and saliva pouring from the corners of my mouth. That idiot Bill Goldberg is always asking who's next, but I don't care about who's next, I'm not focusing on the second or third or fourth person that's lining up to get shamed by me, I want to know who's first.
Austin goes to speak, but before he can, he is cut off.
[video=youtube;dDFQbQkw6gI]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dDFQbQkw6gI&feature=player_embedded[/video]
The crowd boos as the "Intellectual Savior of the Unwashed Masses" Damien Sandow walks out onto the stage with his accomplice Mike Knox. Both men make their way to the ring and enter it as Sandow raises the microphone he's carrying to his mouth, his music fading out to silence.
Damien Sandow: I will thank all of you, out of respect for my cause to educate this ragtag bunch of fans and clean these unwashed masses, to cease this nonsense at once. You are setting back my progress an alarming amount with this ignorance. I mean, am I really to believe that someone like Stone Cold Steve Austin, a man that has had no respect for someone that holds any kind of power over him since the doctor that delivered him first swatted his bottom, ignorantly gestures to the young crowd profane hand signs, and drinks so much alcohol that, when Steve requires a transplant, it would fail the donor liver before either of them went under the knife, is going to run this serial with any kind of decency? I know you're convinced that the sheer star power of your name appearing on the flyers will sell lots of tickets and draw lots of ratings, and perhaps it will, but I know I speak for everyone when I say that we do not need you to fill that role, because it is one already being assumed by me.
The crowd boos this intensely as Stone Cold leans into Damien's face.
Stone Cold: What?
The crowd laughs and cheers this immensely.
Damien Sandow: Ah yes, I was wondering how much time we were going to allot out here before you reached into your tired bag of tricks and retrieved that one. I know you're convinced that by somehow pretending you didn't hear anything I just said to you, you're putting me in my place and teaching me a lesson, silencing me even, but I am far more intelligent than all of the men that have succumbed to and suffered at the sound of that for all these years combined, so you're going to have to try much harder than that.
It's at this time that Punk steps in between them.
CM Punk: Damien, is it? I don't think we've been properly introduced. My name is CM Punk, and I'm the best in the world.
Sandow turns his attention to Punk.
Damien Sandow: It's nice to meet you, Mr. Punk, so long as you understand your place around here. You see, there is a pecking order, and I should be at the top of that pecking order as the UWF Champion and your intellectual savior, but it appears I am destined to scale the same long ladder that Cody Rhodes scaled, rung by rung year after year. No matter, I just thought you should know that, in case you had any ideas of doing so, you shouldn't do something so foolish as attack me and instead reserve your full bladder and acetic acid for someone more your speed, like Brother Devon or Eddie Guerrero.
[video=youtube;Tida-hyDxXE]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Tida-hyDxXE[/video]
"Warrior" by Disturbed begins to play as Eddie Guerrero walks out onto the stage where the crowd greets him with unanimous booing that they emit with passionate intensity. Eddie pays no mind to their disdain as he makes his way down the ramp, his eyes fixated on the ring.
After arriving at the end of the ramp, Eddie heads up the steel steps and makes his way along the apron, stepping through the ropes and entering the ring. Eddie looks out at the crowd as he raises the microphone he's holding up to his mouth.
Eddie Guerrero: It's funny you should say that, holmes, because at the end of that match, you weren't the second to last man that was holding the UWF Championship, I was. I am the biggest threat to the UWF Championship, no matter who's holding it, and if it wasn't for John Morrison's cowardly attack and Batista's cheap pin, I would BE the UWF Champion. But standing here pissing and moaning about it isn't going to fix anything, if I've got to get back in line then so be it, ese', but before I get in that line, I believe Punk was out here wondering who was going to be first in his.
Eddie gets in Punk's face as the two have a staredown. Before anything can happen, Sandow spins Punk around and hits him with a hard right to knock him to the mat. Sandow and Guerrero team up on Punk and begin stomping him into the mat. Chavo slides into the ring to join the fray but Stone Cold takes him down with a Lou Thesz Press and starts hammering away as the crowd is going nuts. Triple H grabs Eddie and throws him off of Punk and into the ropes, and as he comes back, connects with a Double A Spinebuster!
Booker T: Oh my goodness!
Michael Cole: Well he is a contracted talent, Book! And Stone Cold, well...
Booker T: Stone Cold's just bein' that ol' Rattlesnake we know an' love!
Michael Cole: Wait a second, what's this?
Punk gets to his feet as he and Sandow are trading punches, but suddenly Mike Knox hits the ring but so does Roman Reigns as the two big men go after each other. Reigns hits Knox with a spear that nearly cuts him in half as Punk ducks one of Sandow's punches and lifts him onto his shoulders for the Go To Sleep. Punk connects with the move as Triple H hits Eddie with the Pedigree and Austin hits Chavo with the Stone Cold Stunner. The crowd is going ballistic but they forgot one as El Mesias hops the barricade and pulls Austin out of the ring and slings him into the barricade.
Booker T: Brutal!
Mesias enters the ring and hits Reigns with a spear of his own, taking the big man down. Bodies are lying everywhere as Mesias and Triple H have a staredown. Suddenly Punk spins Mesias around and hits him with a brutal kick to the side of the head. This causes Mesias to turn around dizzily as Triple H hits him with a Pedigree! Triple H and Punk pose together, but all is not well, as suddenly...
WHERE ALL MY BROS AT?!
[video=youtube;opv_wbs8QJI]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=opv_wbs8QJI[/video]
The crowd lets out a mostly positive reaction to the current SmackDown General Manager Zack Ryder. He doesn't look happy as he raises the microphone he's carrying to his mouth once his music stops playing.
Zack Ryder: That's enough, bros! I've seen enough! A guy runs across the street to the supermarket to get one Bud Light Lime and this is what happens while he's gone. There's a new Co-GM, a new signing, and all sorts of hell breaks loose, well not on my show! Eddie wants a piece of Punk and Punk and Sandow want a piece of each other. Well here's what I'm gonna do! Eddie, I'm sick of hearing your Mexican ass complain about me each and every week, but I'm not going to give you what you want. Instead, your little nephew there is going to be the one I'm putting in action. As for Punk and Sandow, it's on, bro!
Next week on Zackdown, it's going to be CM Punk versus Damien Sandow in the main event, and Chavo Guerrero versus John Morrison with Eddie and Mesias banned from ringside. Oh, and Eddie, if Chavo loses, he's outta here, bro! Woo woo woo, you know it!
"Radio" begins playing again as Ryder throws up the "LI" and heads backstage as Smackdown rolls on.
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