Donnie watches NWA-TNA 2004

[BigVanDonnie]

NWA WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION: JEFF JARRETT. Since-22/10/03
NWA-TNA X-DIVISION CHAMPION: MICHAEL SHANE. Since-20/8/03
NWA-TNA WORLD TAG TEAM CHAMPIONS:3 LIVE KRU. Since-26/11/03

NWA-TNA PPV#75
January 7th, 2004
TNA Asylum

Recap of Jeff Jarrett demanding everyone join him or become (just another) victim.

During the recap, Jeff Jarrett says there is no #1 contender and there is no title shot tonight, and he's going to win the Mr TNA award.

We see footage from the TNA Christmas Party (there's no one there, so a true self own) Callis hits on Goldylocks and offers her money to be with him. Classy fella.

Earlier today, Jeff Jarrett and Kid Kash call a lawyer and tell him to hold back money for anyone who doesn't sign an oath to Jeff Jarrett. That's some real 09 Dixie Carter type leadership. He demands his lawyer serve papers to the board of TNA because they're dirty. His lawyer demands he wait until later to tell some shocking news.

3LK come out rap their new song.

Man this year is off to a ROUGH start.

TNA has a cool video package now. Good for them.

Jeff Jarrett, Kash and Callis make their way out because this year will be a test for all of us. Jeff is wearing a snazzy tweed jacket and looks like he's a true champion from the 70's. He again says there is no #1 contender and he's got the night off. He singles out Tenay and says he'll be awarding him Mr TNA later tonight. He demands Watts come out and quit his job as D.O.A because he's dirty. Watts and Goldy come out and holy shit, the worst couple in wrestling during this time. Would rather watch Haitch and Steph than this trash. Callis says they've got the best lawyer in the country looking into him and he's clean, but the board is dirty. He demands he walk away before he loses all his money, and Goldy doesn't work cheap. Watts refuses to quit and the crowd kinda pops for it. He goes into a another dreadful promo about new year's resolutions, and my God this is the worst stuff in TNA. Watts promises that SOMETIME this year Jeff will lose the title in the Asylum. Bold, Watts, very bold. Some big asshole in a mask comes into the ring and stands behind Jeff and co. He attacks Jeff and it sucks. I won't spoil it, but man this is a baaaaaaaaaaaaaad story.

Another dreadful Piper video airs.

In the back, Hudson is with Team Disco. They cry about the bad year they had, and Swinger says he would have killed himself if not for winning a tag title shot. Well, that's fucking dark. Disco comes on and says they're back together and win the titles for him, or he's taking matter into his own hands.

Match#1 AJ Styles & America's Most Wanted vs Abyss & The Red Shirts
Holy shit, what a dream trio vs a nightmare one. Was hoping the Shirts would die off, but that's soon enough. AJ has help tonight carry these fucking droogs with his partners and the big fella on the other side, so this is way better than it should be. Storm gets hit by a belt and that's enough to isolate him, which is a terrible idea. Control seg is fun because Storm is a great F.I.P, but man the Shirts are awful. One of them nearly kills Storm with a gross suplex in the corner, and it's the best thing they'll ever do. Harris' get the hot tag instead of AJ and he does another fine job of it,but you don't leave AJ out in the wind. He gets get involved though and takes the Shirts out with a flip dive. It all breaks down and teams fight on the outside, and AJ fights Abyss again and nearly gets him up for the Clash, but Jeff runs in and hits him with the title and Abyss hits another massive BHS to win
**3/4

Trinity is the TNA BABE OF THE YEAR. Uh, good for her.

Sonny Siaki is mad she won because he gave it to her, and he should have won the award. Uh, what. Kash walks on with the oath and demands they sign it, and Sonny says he's been advised to not sign. He walks off and i hope he's not a face. Trinity also walks off from Kash when he tries to hit on her because, well yeah.

Match#2 Ron Killings & BG James (c) w/Konnan vs Team Disco (NWA-TNA World Tag Team Championships)
Oh, great. Glad this is still a feud and the 50 people buying the PPV get more of it in their lives. We get a cut in of Skipper and Daniels. We can't hear it because TNA blows, but Skipper does the X sign and Daniels points towards the door. booooooo. The match happens for a couple of minutes, and it sucks. Disco runs down and fights Konnan and DY gets into help Simon, but he fucks it up and accidently takes him out. Truth wins with the Axe kick
3/4*

Simon has a Problem with DY and beats his ass for being the worst. Swinger and Disco drag him off.

Kid Kash walks down with the clipboard and gets more people to sign.

TNA is now working with AAA. Still going strong today, btw.

Kash makes the bell ringer, Tiny sign the Oath. Chris Vaughn, a Black Shirt comes down tries to get him to leave and Kash pie faces him.

In Raven's lair, Raven is sad about losing his destiny. Raven says door the for opportunity needs to be unlocked, and most of them aren't prepared for what's inside. Raven has ran with killers and freaks and he doesn't think they're ready walk inside. He says he might of might not have a partner tonight, but he's knocking on the door and coming in.

We go back to the ring where Kash is yelling at Vaughn for signing the Oath. Kash breates him for not belonging in the ring and demands he sign it. The kid hits him with the clipboard and beats him up. Kash easily fights back and beats his ass and a ref runs in, and we've got a match.

Match#3 Kid Kash vs Chris Vaughn
Very bad fight happens as Vaughn is a kid and Kash isn't killing himself for this. The Nazi shows up and kicks Kash in the face and the ref turns his back on all of this, and turns around and counts the 3 for the kid.
1/2*

In the back, jilted lover CM Punk is very angry at Raven for having side bitches, and not sharing them. Punker says he took Destiny away from his grasp and they were taught by the best, and they have a surprise of their own. Quoth the gathering, nevermore.

Hype for Raven vs Gathering.

Raven's partner is...THE SANDMAN.

Match#4 Raven & The Sandman vs The Gathering
Pissed off babyface Raven is a vibe. He goes after them with so much fire and anger and i fucking love this man. (if you couldn't tell). Sandman is his normal amazing drunk self, and Punker has come more than come into his own and rules as creepy little bastard forcing Julio to take the beating like Raven used to do to Stevie. Punker/Sandman rules and Punk's punches are wonderful. He steals Joe's face wash in an awesome bit, and he's moving SO fucking well. Raven's hot tag is killer and finally gets his hands on Punk. The ref gets bumped and the bullshit hits as some dude in a hood shows up and sprays ether into a towel and covers Raven's face with it, and Punker steals the EVEFLOW to win
**3/4

Sandman canes them in anger, and the hooded man shows himself and it's FATHER JAMES MITCHELL.

In the back, Old Shane rants about the NWA being a political machine that held him down, and is now holding down his son Young Shane. Fuck off, old man.

In the ring, Tenay is with Watts and Goldy for the Mr TNA presentation. Tenay says it came down to Jarrett and the ONLY triple crown winner in TNA history, AJ Styles. The winner is...THE PHENOMENAL AJ STYLES. Shocked Jeff didn't give it to himself, but even his ass isn't that stupid. AJ comes out and he's God in front of these people, and it's insane it's takes another 5 years for TNA to FINALLY go with him as the man. He says 03 was a great year for him, and he's truly thankful to the fans. He says he wants more in 2004, and he wants his title back. Jeff and the team come out and he's pissed off about this after all he's done. Tenay rants back like the smug shit he is, and says AJ is truly Mr TNA. He says let's put up title vs trophy in winner take all. Jeff says he doesn't deserve it, but they can do AJ/Watts vs him and Abyss with ttle shots and jobs on the line. Goldt accepts and Watts is shook and AJ is all for it.

Next week; The Tag match. Simon Diamond vs David Young with Disco as the guest ref. AMW vs Red Shirts in a strap match.

Hype for UX 2

Match#5 Michael Shane (c) vs Low Ki vs Chris Sabin vs Christopher Daniels (NWA-TNA X-Division Championship. Ultimate X)
Highlight Form
The two feuds fight right away to show we got some issues here, and both are awesome brawls around ringside.
Sabin breaks out a dive that makes AJ's look not as amazing in comparison.
Plunda gets bought out and DW says ladders can't be used to take the title down.
Shane kills Sabin with a nasty chair shot in revenge for last year.
Daniels tries to leap off the ropes to get it because he doesn't want to climb up. Amazing heel shit.
He plucks up the courage to shimmy across and Shane hits him with a chair and he takes a gross landing.
Shane crawls across but Rana's Daniels off a chair he was trying to us to jump off and grab the title.
Daniels tries to jump off it again and Ki springboards off the ropes and boots him in the face. Fuck Yeah.
XXX team up to beat the piss out of Shane for being the worst.
Daniels and Ki climb up KI GETS HIM IN THE FUCKING DRAGON CLUTCH IN MID AIR USING HIS LEGS AND DANIELS DROPS.
SABIN COMES ALIVE AN DROPKICKS KI OFF BEFORE HE CAN GRAB THE TITLE AND KI LANDS FACE FIRST.
Old Shane comes out with a ladder and Skipper fights him off to the back.
Shane gets the ladder and hits the ref and he's dead.
He brings the ladder in and we get some wild shit.
Daniels STO's him off the ladder.
KI GERMAN SUPLEX' S SABIN OFF THE LADDER.
Shane gets crotched on it. lol
XXX fight on it and Sabin tips it over and they take a nasty landing on the outside.
The ref comes alive and gets rid of the ladder.
Shane finally has no choice to climb

Sabin crawls across at record speed and tries to pull it down but it's stuck, AND HE FINALLY RIPS IT OFF WITH EVERYTHING HE'S GOT AND SPLATS ON THE RING AND WE'VE GOT A NEW CHAMP
HAIL SABIN
***1/2

Incredibly fun match, and more than likely the peak of these until 06 when LAX meet AJ/Daniels in one of the best matches in TNA history.

In the back, Jeff is on his flip phone with his lawyer bragging about getting the match he wanted.

Horrible show. 04 has some serious growing pains.

 

[BigVanDonnie]

NWA WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION: JEFF JARRETT. Since-22/10/03
NWA-TNA X-DIVISION CHAMPION: CHRIS SABIN. Since-7/1/04
NWA-TNA WORLD TAG TEAM CHAMPIONS :3 LIVE KRU. Since-26/11/03

NWA-TNA PPV#76
January 14th, 2004
TNA Asylum

In the recap, Goldy yells at Watts for being a pussy and tells him to stand up for himself.

In the back, Jeff is on the phone and has a whiteboard with a to-do-list
(1) Signatures
(2) Masked Man???
(3) Watts Last Night
(4) Release date of big news
(5) Who to FIRE.

Tonight, AMW vs Red Shirts in a Rawhide Strap match, Skipper vs Old Shane. Ki vs Young Shane vs Daniels. Sandman vs Gathering in a CANE ON A POLE MATCH. AJ/Watts vs Jarrett/Abyss.

In the carpark, the masked man is beating the hell out of Jeff, and Tenay calls him "El Lion" Yeah, fuck it, it's Gran Apolo under a mask and he's HORRIBLE. The Shirts help Jeff lay him out and they try to unmask him, but he fights out and runs away like a bitch.

Match#1 America's Most Wanted vs The Red Shirts w/Don Callis (Rawhide Strap Match)
AMW do their best to carry these fucks and i wish they wouldn't do it. Just let them rot so we can be done with this terrible team. It's all very basic because the Shirts are genuinely incapable of anything else, other than to kinda bump and use the straps. Imagine how much you suck if you can't be trusted to do anything else. AMW fight back and whip them, and Storm hits one of them with a Superkick and Harris rolls him up
*3/4

Post match, The Shirts hang Harris, and Storm runs them off with a chair.

Recap of UX2.

In the back, the Shanes and Trinity say words. Don't care.

Match#2 Low Ki vs Christopher Daniels vs Michael Shane (#1 Contenders Match)
Same story as the last three way dance with XXX and a little shit, as they want to beat each up and the other guy vultures and gets killed as a result. We get a cut in of Sandman looking for Raven in his lair, but he's not there. This is a lot of fun as it escalates really well to that wonderful point of insanity and fun. Ki goes nuts on everyone with unholy kicks to the face, Shane vultures things, and Daniels is SO smooth and crisp with everything he does. Daniels gets taken out and Ki gets Shane alone and beats the snot out of him and has him beat, but Old Shane distracts him and Young Shane hits the superkick to win.
**3/4

In the back, AAA officials announce THE TNA AMERICA'S X CUP. TNA VS AAA ON FEBRUARY 11TH.

Before the next match, Disco says whoever loses is out of the family.

Match#3 David Young vs Simon Diamond (Disco Inferno is the guest referee)
DY does his best to get anything interesting out of a boring dude like Simon, and he does by mostly beat the hell out of him and not letting him do much. Disco finally turns on Diamond with the Chartbuster and DY wins
*

Swinger runs down and attacks the heels, and Simon helps him. Team Disco are dead.

In the back, Jeff Jarrett demands Callis finds out who's under the mask, and Kash get the security guys signature in his blood.

Match#4 Elix Skipper vs Shane Douglas w/Traci Brooks
What in the name of WCW Thunder 2000 is this? This is a fucking Old Shane showcase and it's dreadful. He works the neck with a lazy half-nelson and uses a TKO to hurt it more, and Skipper at least sells it, but man what are we doing? Shane drops him with a Stroke and lifts the bad up in a hold and Skipper taps
3/4*

Low Ki runs down to make the save for his friend, and Skipper fights off Shane but Traci low blows him. The heels lamley beat them up, BUT THE MOTHERFUCKING FALLEN ANGEL MAKES THE SAVE. YEAH TRIPLE X. Skipper hugs them both and asks Ki and Daniels to make peace and Daniels extends the hand, but Ki walks away from it. Booooooooooo.

In the back, AJ Styles thanks the fans for voting for him, and he's going to get another shot at Jarrett and losing isn't an option.

Recap of Kash/Vaughn.

Match#5 Kid Kash vs Chris Vaughn
Hey, this is bad again because Vaughn is a child and Kash isn't killing himself for this.Also, it's 6 a fucking minute squash. He mostly beats the kid up and we keep getting shots of the bell ringer crying because Kash slapped him last week and made him sign the oath. Kash FINALLY ends it with the MoneyMaker
LOLTNA

Post match, he busts the kid open and signs the oath in blood, AND THE FAT TIMEKEEPER GETS IN AND FIGHTS KASH. LMAOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO. HE GETS THE BEST OF HIM AND KASH TAKES HUGE BUMPS FOR HIM. Kash fights back and beat the shit out of him until the Nazi makes the save. The Red Shirts run down and beat up the Nazi, but AMW save. Holy Shit, this is terrible.

Awesome recap of Father Mitchell's return. Sadly this will be over in a month when Punk picks ROH over TNA, but it's still a great twist in the story.

In Raven's lair, Hudson finds Mitchell in Raven's spot and he says he sent him to hell where he belongs, and now he holds the keys to his soul. He tells Sandman to back out before he pays for sins he hasn't committed. Julio tires to talk and he's so bad. Like, 99 Gangrel levels of bad, and like that, Punker steps up and saves him by saying they're going to end Sandman.

Match#6 The Gathering w/Father James Mitchell vs The Sandman (Double Singapore Cane on a POLE)
Russo's back in control after Hogan finally pulled the plug, and he get his favourite gimmick match. This is awesome, however, because Sandman beats the fuck out of them with a beer can and the Gathering take a wonderful beating before overwhelming and beating his ass. Punker/Sandman is great again, and Julio stays out of the way. The Gathering get the canes and beat Sandman with them, AND HE COMES BACK TO LIFE AND HITS THEM BOTH WITH WHITE RUSSIAN LEG SWEEPS. AMAZING. Mitchell distracts him and the heels beat him with a double Superkick
**3/4

Post match, they beat the crap out of with the canes.

In the back, Watts cuts yet another dreadful fucking promo. Goldy gets mad at him when he tells her to stay in back, and she says he's breaking up with her. Oh, no.

In the ring, Sandman comes back to life and screams for Raven. He says he swore to himself he would never dance with Mitchell, but he's going to bring BALLS MAHONEY NEXT WEEK. FUCK YEAH.

In the truck, Callis announces the big announcement is Johnny Fairplay from Survivor. Holy shit, fuck off.

Match#7 AJ Styles & Erik Watts vs Jeff Jarrett & Abyss (Job & Tite Shot on the line)
Watts is wrestling in jeans with D.OA taped on them and a jumper and he looks like he hasn't slept in a week. Just a fucking shambles. AJ does the best he can to make up for him, and once again the fight with Abyss is rad as hell. He gets isolated and the control is is fun as always, and i wish it has just been a handicap match. Watt's hot tag is is horrid, but AJ quickly gets back in and breaks down. The ref gets bumped and some bullshit hits as Jarrett hits Watts with the title and wins, and fucking Tenay stands up and tells the ref what happened and they restart the match. El Lion shows up and and attacks Jarrett and they fight off to the crowd. Fucking Goldy shows up and teases turning but she low blows Abyss and AJ wins with a really shoddy looking Sunset flip.
*3/4

Callis gets on the mic and throws a fit and says if they don't reverse this, he'll quit TNA forever. Watts gets on the mic and says if it's overturned he'll quit. YEAH FUCKING BAN AJ FROM EVER WINNING THE TITLE IF IT MEANS WATTS IS GONE. Jarrett says the board will never pick Watts over Callis. This is the worst battle for power story TNA has ever ran. Fuck this.

 

[BigVanDonnie]

NWA WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION: JEFF JARRETT. Since-22/10/03
NWA-TNA X-DIVISION CHAMPION: CHRIS SABIN. Since-7/1/04
NWA-TNA WORLD TAG TEAM CHAMPIONS :3 LIVE KRU. Since-26/11/03

NWA-TNA PPV#77
January 21st, 2004
TNA Asylum

We see footage of DW telling Tenay not to risk THEIR job over his battle with Jarrett. FUCK YEAH, DW.

Tenay narrates over a scroll-text and announces that next week it will be Watts vs Callis in a loser leaves town no DQ match. Oh, Jesus Christ.

Watts and Goldy are in the ring to kick off the show, and the fans chant for fucking ICP. Lmao, 2004 fucking sucks. He announces the captain for the America's X-Cup...Jerry FN' Lynn. Metal Dude is back . Uh, good for him. He seems legit emotional at being back and it's a pretty cool moment for him. Kid Kash comes out before he can say more and he has that fucking clipboard with him. He calls the juggalos PAINTED WHORES. DEAD. Kash says Lynn is the man who helped put the X-Division on the mat, and made AJ Styles a household name. He needs to stay away from trash like Watts and join Team Jarrett. He says once they lose the X-Cup, they'll throw him away to the side and he needs to do the smart thing and sign his life away to Jeff Jarrett, or he's kicking his ass. Lynn hits him with the clipboard and beats his ass all over the place before the refs pull them apart.

In the back, Jarrett is talking a lawyer about the Callis/Watts match to try and get it to stop, but he says he can't do it. Jarrett says Callis can do it and he's got his back. Kash walk on and Jarrett demands he go and get Siaki's signature.

Hype for Gathering vs Sandman/Balls.

Match#1 The Sandman & Balls Mahoney vs The Gathering w/Father James Mitchell
Awesome 3 minute sprint with tons of action and fun stuff. Balls looks really good and moves better than he ever did in ECW, which is fucking wild to see. Gathering more than hold their own and Punk fits in so well here. He kills Balls with a Shining Wizard to the chair, and they beat him with the Near Death Xperience.
**3/4

Post match, Punker gets on the mic and says this is the second week in a row they've beat Sandman at his own game, and now he pays in blood, The lights go out and Raven's voice is heard, and they come back on and Sandman has the cane. He bashes them both in the head and they run away.

Recap of Disco turning on his team for his new flunky DY.

Hudson now interview them and Disco says he took them to the top and they're bums, and DY shouts "THEY SHOULD BE PUMPING GAS" Disco says one of Simon and Swinger signed the oath, and they're aren't as close as they think.

Match#2 Disco Inferno & David Young vs Simon Diamond & Johnny Swinger
Swinger and Diamond are mad and beat the hell out of their old friends and it's the best they've looked in TNA. Even Simon tries hard and looks good as a babyface. Good for him. Swinger has a fun hot tag showing some semblance of fire and talent. The heels miscommunicate and DY is beat with the Snapshot
**
In the crowd, Kid Kash has an old woman by the hair and Tenay says she's the ticket lady. He drags her in the ring and chokes her until she agrees to sign. The fucking ring announcer gets in and fights Kash again, but Disco and DY help out and leave them laying. Vaughn runs out to try and help but DY murders him with the spinebuster. The Nazi makes the save again. Make this fucking stop.

Johnny Fairplay arrives.

We see footage from Xplosion where Kash tried to get Sonny to sign the oath and he told him to fuck off again. Trinity agrees to sign it to get rid of him.

In the back, Sonny yells at her for signing. He says he was advised not to sign it and he wants her out of his TV time, Can you tell Russo is back?

Match#3 D-Lo Brown vs Sonny Siaki
Nice to see TNA return to this so D-Lo can get his win back. Pretty fun showcase for the big fella, and Sonny stays mostly out of the way and lets him do his thing. Trinity tries to help out, but D-lo fights through it and hits Sky-high to end it
**1/2

Post match, Kash comes down with the godforsaken clipboard, and again demands he sign it. Sonny gets in their faces and asks the crowd to do, and they cheer for him!!! He punches the hell out of Kash for a while before Trinity kicks him in the head. She hits the moonsault and walks out on Kash.

In the back, Jarrett tells the Shirts to bring him the tag titles. DON'T YOU FUCKING DARE. Trinity walks in and says she's with them but she wants nothing to do with Kash. Jeff rallies the troops and they all put their hands in. Worst stable ever.

Recap of the Triple X drama last week. We see footage of Skipper asking Daniels to stay with him and reform XXX, which Daniels agrees to!!! Skipper says he'll talk to Ki on Daniels' behalf.

Match#4 Triple X vs The New Franchises w/Traci Brooks
Babyface XXX is a fucking vibe. They slot right in the role with some wonderful fire and help carry these droogs. Old Shane is bad as we know, but the fellas keep him on the outside and let Young Shane get time to shine,S and we're better off for it as he can actually wrestler and isn't an unbearable fuck. Skipper gets isolated when they go after the bad neck and the work is much better with Young Shane leading it. Old Shane sets chairs up on the outside and cackles like an asshole like no one has ever thought of this before. Daniels' hot tag rules as he runs through father and son with his awesome stuff. Douglas and Skipper fight on the outside and Skipper lays him on the chairs and goes up but Trinity jumps on his back AND SHE FLATLINERS HIM OFF AND HE GOES THROUGH THE FUCKING CHAIRS. HOLY SHIT. Back inside, old Shane uses the chain on Daniels and throws young Shane on top to steal it.
***

In a pretape, 3LK lamley make fun of the other teams.

Match#5 America's Most Wanted vs The Red Shirts (#1 Contenders Match)
AMW are once again tasked with getting something out of them, and TNA decided to help out by making this ELEVEN MINUTES. Good Lord. The opening brawl is good because AMW are the masters of it, but once it gets into the ring it dies a fucking death. Storm fucks his arm up jumping off the top as the Harris has Northcutt too far away, and heL lands on it and it bends in a gross angle. Storm's selling rules as he's holding it close and yelling whenever it's really hurt, but the Shirts control fucking stinks as they're boring assholes who have no clue how to work a limb, or be even a tiny bit interesting. Legend nearly kills Storm when he suplexes him off the top and drops him on his head. Harris finally gets the hot tag to try and save it and it's the best thing in nearly 8 minutes, which means it gets cut off quick and we go back to the Shirts being terrible. Legend botches even more and you can feel AMW getting ready to beat his ass for real. The ref is distracted and The Naturals show up after months of being gone, and Tenay has to reintroduce them because TNA stinks. Andy Douglas throws powder in Harris eyes and Chase Stevens KILLS him with a nasty chair shot, and the fucking shirts win.
1/2*

In the lair, Mitchell and the Gathering are standing by. Mitchell says they told the world Sandman wouldn't be able to get it done, and he dares Raven to come out and play (and keep em separated) Punk says he's learnt the games from the master and he wants to fight Raven so he can crush him again.

In the ring, Callis brings out Johnny Fairplay for this bullshit. Like, yeah he did a cool thing on TV, but he's a shithead and a waste of TV time. AJ comes out to stop this before they lose more viewers. They have a terrible back and forth before AJ finally fucking murders him with a NASTY powerbomb right on the mic. FUCK YEAH, AJ STYLES.

ICP are in the crowd asking how magnets work.

Next Week; Sabin vs Shane for the X-Title.3LK vs Shirts for the Tag Titles.Watts vs Callis. Imagine paying for that.

In the back. Watts is with El Leon and Goldy. Watts demands he take out Jarrett, and Goldy stay in the back next week.

Recap of El Leon attacking Jarrett last week.

Match#6 Jeff Jarrett vs El Leon (Street Fight)
Again, it's fucking Gran Apolo under a mask and he's one of the worst wrestlers ever. I truly have no idea why TNA bought him back when he offers nothing and unmasking isn't moving a needle in hell, so a true LOLTNA moment. Jeff tries to get something out of him, but Apolo can't even throw a trash can without looking lost, so no chance, sadly. Jeff keeps going after the smug little rat on commentary and it sucks, but man it's more interesting than this is. The ref gets bumped in a street fight because TNA can't help themselves. Tenay steals the guitar and wakes the ref up after Aplo hits a bad looking sitout powerbomb. Tenay throws a fit when Jeff kicks out, and he looks like the biggest bitch in the world. Jeff finally smashing a guitar over Apolo's shitty skull, but AJ attacks Jeff and the match just ends.
LOLTNA

AJ goes after him but Abyss attacks from behind and kills him with the ST. Abyss hits a MASSIVE Gorilla Press to send AJ through a table, and Tenay is nearly in tears over this. The show ends with them arguing. Fucking Christ.

One of the worst TNA shows ever.

 

[BigVanDonnie]

NWA WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION: JEFF JARRETT. Since-22/10/03
NWA-TNA X-DIVISION CHAMPION: CHRIS SABIN. Since-7/1/04
NWA-TNA WORLD TAG TEAM CHAMPIONS :3 LIVE KRU. Since-26/11/03

NWA-TNA PPV#78
January 28th, 2004
TNA Asylum

Erik Watts aks that you don't steal this PPV. Buddy, it's 2022 and i stole this shit with a smile on my face.

Tonight; Watts/Callis. Sabin/Shane. 3LK/Shirts. Well, one out of three isn't too bad.

Watts arrives in a limo with some football dudes.

We get an awesome promo from D-Lo where he says he's fighting Abyss for his friend. Fuck yeah, friendship.

Match#1 Abyss vs D-Lo Brown
D-Lo is an awesome house of fire normally, but with this fun little story, he's even cooler. D-Lo uses his speed to take on the monster and keep him on the backfoot, but Abyss plucks him out of the air and slams him face first on the match. Good control seg from the big man, and D-Lo is a wonderful punching bag. D-Lo's comeback is fun and frantic as he knows he has to end it as quick as he can. He does as well as he can for a time, but Abyss can't be killed. He hits the ST and D-Lo kicks out!. D-lo drops him with the Sky-High and goes for the Low-Down, but Abyss kicks the ref into the ropes and crotches him. He hits a huge BHS to win.
***

Post match, they have a fight on the apron and Abyss chokeslams D-Lo through a table. Sadly, El Leon runs down and a terrible fight happens. Fuck everything.

In the back, Jarrett's lawyer demands the football dudes leave or Watts forfeits. Let them stay. Disco says he's going to take out ICP, and whispers which dude signed the oath last week.

At ringside, D-Lo is being loaded onto a gurney as he's bleeding from the mouth. Awesome stuff.

Hype for Sabin/Shane.

Match#2 Chris Sabin (c) vs Michael Shane w/Traci Brooks (NWA-TNA X-Division Championship)
Generally fine enough as Sabin looks great as hell, but Shane is back to being painfully dull this week. They use the same lame ass distraction spot with Traci on the apron, and I'm begging them to do something new. Control work sucks but bless Sabin for trying to do anything with lame offence being done to him. The comeback is way better because he only to worry about being awesome and not about this dull shit. SABIN HITS AIR JUVI INTO THE CROWD. HELL YEAH. Finishing run is fun thanks to Sabin. You sensing a theme? They get into a rollup battle and Sabin gets a tighter one to win
**3/4

Post match, Old Shane is mad at Young Shane for losing. YES END THIS. Everyone calms down and they do the Triple Threat Sign.

We see footage on Xplosion of a very pissed of Sandman. He says he doesn't want to make a deal with the devil but he's got no choice anymore.

Sandman's partner is Mikey Whipwreck. Mitchell is PISSSED that Mikey has turned against him.

Match#3 The Gathering w/Father James Mitchell vs The Sandman & Mikey Whipwreck
Another really fun sprint from these 3 and a new pal. Nothing complicated or stupid, just fun pro wrestling. They get rid of Mikey and beat Sandman with the NDX
**1/2

Post match, the lights out and see footage of Mitchell being killed by Raven and a message pops up on screen 'I'M WATCHING YOU, DEVIL"

In the back, Hudson says Swinger and Simon will be handcuffed to Disco and DY during the main event. They get into an argument about who signed the oath.

There's a segment with the football dude and Team Jarrett. No thank you.

In the back, Hudson is with the Team TNA for the X-Cup. Lynn, Sabin, Skipper and Dutt. Not the best choices tbqh. Lynn says he'll be handcuffed to Kash tonight.

Kash comes out and tries to make JB sign the oath, but he refuses because he thinks Watts is winning. The timekeeper and the old lady attack Kash in revenge and he scurries off.

Match#4 Juventud Guerrera, Hector Garza, Aguila & Abismo Negro vs. Eric Young, Shark Boy, Matt Stryker & Chad Collyer
Very fun showcase for Team AAA. Juvi and Hector are the standouts on their side, and our dudes Sharky and EY rule on the other. Goes on too long, but fun otherwise. Big dive train happens and the AAA dudes are especially insane. Juvi kills EY with the Juvi Driver and Abismo hits a SSP to win
**1/2

Team TNA come down and shake hands.

In the back, Hudson now says Trinity will be handcuffed to Sonny during the main event. This going to be such a fucking cluster. Sonny walks on and tries to force the cuffs on her, but Kash attacks him from behind and they cuff Sonny to a locker. He has that coming tbh.

They replay 3LK's terrible rap.

Match#5 BG James & Ron Killings (c) w/Konnan vs The Red Shirts (NWA-TNA World Tag Team Championships)
After having one of the worst matches in TNA history last week, TNA does the thing you expect them to by by having the fucking shirts win the titles. This fucking company. Truth tries his best because TNA never broke him, but he's got two dudes who can't bump and botch everything, so what's the point? Speaking of botches, at one point BG tries to save and he kicks Truth in the mouth because he missed a Shirt. Really says it all. The Shanes come down to fight Konnan for some reason, and Old Shane punches BG in the back of the head with a chain and the Shirts win.
LOLTNA

I don't give a fuck if TNA fixes this in a week, this is one of the worst moments in TNA history.

In the back, Sandman is on a phone asking someone if he can count on them next week. He says it's not Raven, it's TERRY FUCKING FUNK. WOOOOOOOOOO.

In the ring, Tenay brings out the ICP, and i won't be coward and not write about, but man i don't want to. ICP call Tenay the Bomb and he does a fist pump. KILL ME. Disco and DY come out to kill the clowns because Jeff doesn't like them.A terrible fight breaks out and life gets worse.

DW is doing the hype for next week when ICP walk on and challenge Disco and DY. Oh, man.

In the back, Watts says whatever happens, next week Double J will defend his title.

Hype for the "main event"

In an actual amazing moment, Jarrett handcuffs Tenay to the guardrail and shouts "CHOKE ON THIS, TENAY" YEAH EAT SHIT FOREVER, YOU SMUG CUNT.

Match#6 Erik Watts vs Don Callis (Loser Loses Job)
The fact this story is stolen from WWE doing it with Austin/Eric, but without the incredible match between picked teams, is a true LOLTNA moment. As covered throughout the show all the heels are cuffed to the faces, so we get a clusterfuck on the outside inbetween the horrific "wrestling" in the ring. Callis hasn't wrestled in years at this point, and Watts CAN'T wrestle, so it's one of the worst things you could imagine. Watts makes a comeback and all the faces bang on the ring like this is a MOMENT and i had to pause because i was laughing too much. The ref gets bumped and the uncuffed Trinity moonsaults Watts, but he kicks out. The Naturals now ring out and uncuff some of the heels and a massive brawl breaks out. Watts kills her with a powerbomb after Goldy comes out and BAW GAWD SHE LOW BLOWS WATTS AND DON WEST SHOUTS "GOLDILOCKS. YOU WHORE" AND HE STARTS LAUGHING BECAUSE OF HOW INCREDIBLE THE LINE IS, AND HE'S SO PROUD OF IT. AMAZING. Watts gets hit with the belt and Callis rids the world of a true scumbag.
LOLTNA

This won't matter in a few weeks as Callis quits wrestling for 13 years, and Watts returns in a few months. LOLTNA

 

[BigVanDonnie]

NWA WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION: JEFF JARRETT. Since-22/10/03
NWA-TNA X-DIVISION CHAMPION: CHRIS SABIN. Since-7/1/04
NWA-TNA WORLD TAG TEAM CHAMPIONS :THE RED SHIRTS. Since-28/1/04

NWA-TNA PPV#79
February 4th, 2004
TNA Asylum

Recap of last week as always.

We get footage of Watts crying in the back. hahahhaahaha fuck off, loser.

Callis and Jeff are celebrating and Callis tells him not to worry about the title shot.

At ringside, all the heel roster are standing around the ring and all the faces on the stage as Jeff Jarrett makes his big entrance with Callis and Fairplay. He says he's running the Asylum tonight, and he brings out his lawyer. It's a fat dude in a suit and if this is a gag, i don't get it at all. He says the board is disbanding because they were dirty and didn't want to get sued. He says Mr Jarrett told him the faces were possibly mentally handicapped, and they're in breach of contract for not doing what TNA management wants and they can walk out the door right now if they don't like it. He shouts that Jarrett and Callis OWN them. He singles out Simon and Swinger and says whoever signed the oath needs to step up, or they'll be fired. He says if Lynn doesn't win, he's gone again. He makes Sonny vs Kash, and if Sonny loses he's gone. He also makes El Leon vs Abyss and if Leon loses, the mask is gone. He says he won't be defending against AJ, D-Lo or Raven because they're dead and gone, and he'll take whoever it is on like a man. Chris Harris steps up and takes the mic and says he's had a problem with Jeff for a long time, and it's time for him to shut his mouth. He says he used to stand for tradition and now he's a punk. He's sick of the Jarrett show, and Jeff calls him a midcard tag team guy, and Harris claps back that they had the best matches of last year. He says he doesn't own any of them, and he knows who Jeff is facing and he's not telling him. Jeff dares him to get in, and he does and an awesome fight breaks out and the entire roster breaks it up.

In the back, the AAA suits guarantee a win next week.

Hype for ICP vs DY/Disco. The highlight is DY saying he's afraid of clowns, and he's never seen IT.

Match#1 David Young & Disco Inferno vs ICP
Well, this is very bad and not what we need. ICP win, and let's all move on.
Magnets

Post match, the heels beat them down until 2 Tough Tony of IWA-MS fame makes the save.

In the back, Jerry Lynn yells that Jeff can put all the pressure on him, and he's going to win this in his house.

Match#2 Sonny Siaki vs Kid Kash (Sonny's Job on the line)
Sonny makes an ok babyface, i guess. He's moving a lot better and has some good fire, and it helps that Kash is such a dickhead. Kash dropkicks Sonny's head into the post in a nasty bump, and Sonny sells ok for a dude who's never needed to before. He drops Kash on his head in revenge with a botched German and mounts a pretty fun comeback. The bullshit hits as JB, the bellringer and the old lady all come after him, and Sonny wins with a rollup.
**

Callis walks out and makes Kash get back in as Sonny is being helped up. He dubs himself a Canadian Cesar and says he owns them, and they aren't allowed to get involved in matches. He fires them all. HELL YEAH. He warns Sonny that's getting fired the next time he breaches his contract. Kash and Trinity attack Sonny and stick a "under new management" sticker on his chest.

In the back, AMW are standing by. Storm's shoulder is fucked and all taped up. Harris says he stood up because it's the right thing to do, and he and Storm know who Jeff is facing. Jarrett storms on and they get broken up again.

Recap of Abyss murdering the SuperTeam.

In a coo bit, there is no ring announcer now that JB is gone, so some suit from the back comes in and does it.

Match#3 Abyss vs El Leon (El Leon's Mask on the line)
Horrible big man fight as Leon is terrible and Abyss can only do so much with a small superwoker to help him. Apolo fucks up a dive and lands on Abyss' head in a scary moment. One of the worst to ever do it. It drags on and on and it's just a bad time as they get more and more blown up. Abyss hits the BHS and tries to rip the mask off, but our hero AJ Styles makes his return and beats his ass for the DQ and ends this terrible match.
1/2*

AJ gets on the mic and demands his title shot and says he'll go through Abyss to get it. Callis comes out and says he wants a title shot? AJ says yes and the fans love it, so Callis gives a title tonight...for the tag titles and he's teaming with ABYSS. Fuck Yeah. Wonderful heel bullshit.

In the back, Sandman says he's hardcore and extreme and he's bringing in the man who taught him how to do it. Funker walks on and says he's here to take care of some half-assed wrestlers, and his entire family is nuts and his horse is constipated and he needed more insanity in his life, so he's here for this. GOAT.

Match#4 Terry Funk & The Sandman vs The Gathering w/Father James Mitchell
TNA has a ton of problems, but bringing in Terry Funk is the best thing they've ever done, and i will hear no debate. Middle Aged and Crazy, and throwing rock hard punches to the skulls of kids who need to learn a lesson in respect. PRO WRESTLING. He shouts FUCK YOU and just blasts the snot out of the kids before Punker kicks him in the head. He chokes hm and shouts "YOU EGG SUCKING DOG" before he gets cut off by a cane to the head. Funker misses the moonsault as always and he's dead. Sandman gets thrown out and the kids go to work on him. Awesome beating from them, and incredible selling for Funk. Funk's punch drunk selling is all time stuff, and it never gets old. Sandman comes back to life and they beat the crap out of the kids and it's wonderful. Sandman misses the Rollin' Rock on a chair in a nasty bump and the kids hit NDX on a chair to steal it. What a blast.
***

Funk gets back in and starts throwing chair and he hits a cameraman.

Simon and Swinger again say they never signed the oath and Disco is full of shit.

In the back, AJ is with Hudson. AJ says his back is against the wall because he'll be fired if doesn't do it, but he's fighting because it's what he does. And hey, maybe he becomes the tag team champion..S

Before the bell rings, El Leon drags Abyss out of the ring and they fight off into the crowd and AJ is now in a handicap match. For the best.

Match#5 The Red Shirts (c) vs AJ Styles (NWA-TNA World Tag Team Championship)
AJ has been wearing this incredible light blue attire, and it's the best look of his young career. He hits a massive crossbody to start, and outright refuses to let these shitbags ruin his big return to the ring after a month off. He runs circles around them and hit some wild, wild shit to make this as fun as possible. He nails a baseball slide to the back of Legends head AND HE MOONSAULTS FROM INSIDE THE RING DIAGONALLY OVER THE OTHER SIDES TOP ROPE AND LANDS PERFECTLY. JESUS CHRIST. He keeps doing ludacris things that don't seem possible, but he's that good, it just makes sense. HE RUNS UP LEGENDS BACK AND SPRINGS OFF WHICH LEADS TO HIM TO DROPPING DOWN TO HIS KNEES, AND AJ LEAPS OVER HIM AND RUNS UP NORTHCUTT'S CHEST AND MOONSAULTS LEGEND ON THE WAY DOWN. AJ Styles is maybe the single most impressive and fun wrestler to watch of his generation. He gets kicked in the head and the control seg rules because he dies off everything and makes them look like they have actual talent and were trained. AJ lands safely and amazingly on all their sloppy shit, and it's the true mark of his talent that he can make it all work on what seems to be a split second each time. "He's got more heart in his little finger than most do have in their entire body" - Don West. AJ's comeback rules as he beats the shit out of them and forces to them to die for him. AJ gets kicked in the dick and Harris runs down to cheer him on. Northcutt hits a gross Pumphandle Slam and AJ dies off it, but he kicks out the crowd loses it. AJ gets dragged back up and Legend tries to run off the ropes, but Harris pulls them down, AND AJ ROLLS UP NORTHCUTT AND WINS THE TITLES IN THE MOST IMPRESSIVE AND FUN CARRY JOB OF HIS LIFE.
***1/4

They give both titles to AJ, and he looks like the fucking man as he stands there with a bloody nose being cheered on by HIS fans.

In the back, ICP say words and ask about magnets.

Erik Watts shows up despite being fired and being banned. He cuts another horrible promo like the bastard he is. He says he's not D.O.A anymore but he might stick around as a wrestler. DON'T YOU FUCKING CALL YOURSELF THAT. He says he's not leaving until Jarrett forces him leave. Goldy now comes out and she might be worse on the mic than him, and that's some serious awfulness. She calls him out for stealing her spotlight when people wanted to see her. Crowd is dead btw. She keeps going on and on and it dies a thousand deaths. He kisses her and gets her up for the chokeslam, but Jarrett and the shirts save, and Jeff has a nightstick for some reason. They beat him up and the crowd doesn't give a fuck. DUSTIN RHODES MAKES HIS DEBUT AND CLEANS HOUSE AND TENAY SHOUTS HE'S THE CHALLENGER.

Match#6 Jeff Jarrett (c) vs Dustin Rhodes (NWA-TNA World Heavyweight Championship)
They have the Asylum Brawl and Dustin is right at home as he throws his all time punches and uppercuts, and Jeff takes a great beating for his old pal. Dustin looks like his old self and it's such a shame he'll fall off the wagon in 07. He throws Jeff into the dancers cage and DDT's him on the ramp, but those fucking Shirts attack him. AMW fight them off and the match gets back in the ring. It keeps being very fun before more bullshit hits. Abyss returns from the dead and takes out the ref, and AJ comes out on the other side and frog splashes Jarrett. They both fight off and the match continues, and it's another moment of TNA refusing to leave well enough alone. Dustin hits Shattered Dreams and as he turns around, the Naturals throw powder in his eyes and Chase ends him with a gross chair shot and Jeff steals another win
**1/2

Jarrett celebrates and gloats to Tenay, and the smug little snot tells him that in the NWA Boards last act they have named a new D.O.A. This means Callis is now gone from TNA and won't be back unil 2017. Long live, The Network.

 

[BigVanDonnie]

NWA WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION: JEFF JARRETT. Since-22/10/03
NWA-TNA X-DIVISION CHAMPION: CHRIS SABIN. Since-7/1/04
NWA-TNA WORLD TAG TEAM CHAMPIONS :AJ STYLES. Since-4/2/04

NWA-TNA PPV#80 AMERICA'S X-CUP
February 11th, 2004
TNA Asylum

The TNA video package is ALL Jeff Jarrett.

-Four singles matches = 1 point each
-Two tag matches = 2 points each
-8 Man Elimination match = 2 points per elimination
-In event of a tie, the captains (Juvi and Lynn) fight in a singles match for the cup

Wish this had way more build after the last one didn't get any, but TNA is the Jarrett show and that's what matters.

Earlier today, Lynn says his team are all team players (well done) and this is THEIR house and they're bringing the cup home.

Team AAA cut a promo, and i can only assume Juvi threatened to burn the place down and run Lynn over with a golf cart.

Match#1 Chris Sabin vs. Juventud Guerrera
The finals of last year kicks us off in a cool moment. After they get through the horrible RVD/Lynn standoff, it turns into a fun spotfest between the two best dudes on the teams. This also brings up the question as to why the X-Division champ isn't the captain of the team, but TNA is weird and stupid like that. Juvi again gives no shits about Sabin's life and drops him on his skull a few times, and poor Sabin dies on a ton. Fun finishing run, and Sabin gets hm back with a couple of sneaky headdrops of his own. They escalate it really well and Juvi hits the Driver and in a weird moment, Sabin kicks out right on 3 but the ref gives it to Juvi.
**3/4

AAA-1. TNA-0

In the back, the New Franchises walk on and blow Jarrett for a while, and it's the worst. They shake hands and Jeff asks Old Shane who the new D.OA is, and Shane says it's Tenay because he seems to know what's happening before it does, and Jeff agrees.

Match#2 Sonjay Dutt vs. Hector Garza
Short one as they aren't blowing their load when they have to work more times. (Juvi is isane, and doesn't understand restraint). Garza looks really good, and it's a shame TNA's efforts to push him will be fucked up by him getting arrested at the end of the year. He takes it with his corkscrew moonsault
*3/4

AAA-2. TNA-0

In the back, Lynn says they need to stop working their style and make these matches theirs and they'll be fine. He says he knows Mr Aguila really well, and he's going through him.

Match#3 Jerry Lynn vs Mr Aguila
Aguila is the former Essa Rios from WWF, and i never put it together. He's pretty good and really lays in his stuff on Mr Metal, and the old man is fine enough but it's obvious he's on his last legs as a full time guy. They have a fun back and forth and trade counters and Lynn proves me right when he fucks up the piledriver when he falls back too quick and Aguila lands on his legs. That's enough to end it, sadly.
**
AAA-2. TNA-1

In the back, Mitchell and the Gathering come on and say they got rid of Raven, and maybe Jeff owes them. Jeff says they can rid of Funk and Sandman for him. Punk says Raven's destiny is over and he's never coming back as long as he lives. Mitchell agrees with Old Shane that Tenay is the D.O.A

Match#4 Elix Skipper vs. Abismo Negro
Another short but very fun sprint. Both dudes look awesome and have some fun highspots for a few minutes, before AN takes it with a cradle.
**1/2

AAA-3-TNA-1

Match#5 Jerry Lynn & Sonjay Dutt vs. Juventud Guerrera & Abismo Negro
Two points for tag wins. Juvi goes insane from the bell and beats the shit out of poor Sonjay. The other two do fine stuff, but Juvi really singles out the kid and ruins his day. Love dickhead heel Juvi so much. The old man again looks steps behind everyone, and as much fun as it to rag on Lynn, it sucks to see anyone lose it like this. It gets back to Juvi/Sonjay and it's fun as hell. Everything breaks down as it tends to and everyone bar Lynn looks good. AN beats Sonjay with a sunset flip off the ropes.
**3/4

AAA-5. TNA-1

Match#6 Chris Sabin & Elix Skipper vs. Mr. Aguila & Hector Garza
Sabin/Skipper make an awesome babyface team as they have a ton of fire and minds for insane spots. The Luchadores are cool as well, and this is mostly a fun spotfest and you can't ask for more than that. It all breaks down (tm) and everyone goes nuts (tm) and Sabin beats Garza with a victory roll and TNA still has a chance to win.
**3/4

AAA-5. TNA-3

In the back (tm) Jarrett has made the refs and black shirts sign the oath and slaps one of them and reminds them they works for HIM. Jarrett asks Hudson who he thinks the D.O.A is, and hey he says Tenay as well.

Terry Funk comes out and gives a wonderful speech about how much he LOVES pro wrestling and how he'd happily die for it. He says he's teaming with RAVEN next week against the Gathering. Fuck Yeah.

Match#7 Team TNA vs Team AAA (Elimination Match)
2 Points per elimination. This is 20+ so there's a long opening of everyone getting time to shine and if i cover it, I'll write 5,000 words 4 people will read and my fingers will hurt. Just know it's a lot of fun and there's some cool spots from the usual suspects. Sonjay is out first after a standing moonsault from Garza. Skipper gets rid of AN with a Koji-Clutch. Big dive train happens and Juvi, again, nearly kills poor Sabin. Garza breaks out the wild corkscrew, and it's still impressive as hell. Sabin gets rid of though with the Cradle Shock. Skipper is gone after a SSP from MA. Juvi/Sabin get into a terrible rollup exchange and you hear Lynn's pants get tighter the longer it goes. The rest of Juvi/Sabin rules though, and Juvi gets rid of him with the Driver, and Lynn is all alone. If he wins he can force a captain's fight. He gets rid of MA with a backpack stunner, and we're down to two. Juvi goes after Lynn's leg, and it makes sense because the knees are the first to go when you get old. Lynn fights back and the finishing run is short but fun. Lynn fights as hard as he can and it's the best he's looked since the AJ match. Juvi hits a disgusting Juvi driver that sends Lynn right on top of his shoulder (and destroys it for real, and essentially ends Lynn's career for a few years) and he wins the cup for AAA.
***.

Jarrett storm the ring because it's about him and he demands Tenay get in the ring. He asks him to him who the D.O.A is, and Tenay says he doesn't know and Jeff doesn't believe him. He says either he tells him, or he's in breach of contract. Tenay goes on another rant about Jeff being mean to him, which is his own fault for being a smug dick that keeps sticking his nose in. Jeff gives him one last chance or he's fired. Tenay says he doesn't have the balls to fire him, AND JEFF DOES IT. I LOVE YOU JEFF JARRETT. I TAKE IT ALL BACK. YOU DREW AS MANY DIMES AS YOU BROKE GUITARS. DW is heartbroken at losing his friend and i hate Jeff again for hurting out hero. Tenay sulks out like a little kid and it's tremendous.

 

[BigVanDonnie]

NWA WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION: JEFF JARRETT. Since-22/10/03
NWA-TNA X-DIVISION CHAMPION: CHRIS SABIN. Since-7/1/04
NWA-TNA WORLD TAG TEAM CHAMPIONS :AJ STYLES. Since-4/2/04

NWA-TNA PPV#81
February 18th, 2004
TNA Asylum

Recap of everyone being fired over the last two weeks, and Jarrett threatening Jerry Lynn's job if he lost the X cup.

Don West and Scott Hudson are our new commentators

Tonight; AJ vs Abyss for world tag titles. Complete bullshit considering the bell rang AFTER Abyss was taken out, and he was never in the match. AJ IS the tag team champions. Raven/Funker vs Gathering. Shirts vs Rhodes/Leon.

Match#1 Chris Sabin, Sonjay Dutt, Elix Skipper & Jerry Lynn vs Shark Boy, Roderick Strong, Jimmy Rave & Jason Cross.
Very fun showcase for Team TNA, and i really love that their still working together to keep synergy if they get another crack at the cup. Baby Roddy and Rave look awesome in the short bursts they get, and Sabin/Rave is a highlight. Lynn's shoulder is clearly hurt as he stays away until the end when he beats Cross with the piledriver.
**1/2

Team Jarrett run out from the crowd AND JARRETT BREAKS A GUITAR OVER LYNN'S STUPID HEAD. He says he let him and TNA down and he's in breach of contract, so he's fired. He makes Skipper the new captain, which means Sabin is being ignored again despite being champ. Fucking TNA. Anyway, Jarrett is pissed tha Harris dared to get in his face last week, so he's challenging him to a non title match TONIGHT.

Recap of of Old Shane costing 3LK the titles.

In the back, the Shanes cut another bad promo about franchising asses and whatnot. Harris storm on and grabs the mic! He says he accepts the match because this is about pride, and he can beat him.

Match#2 Ron Killings w/3LK vs Michael Shane w/Traci Brooks
Truth FINALLY gets a singles match for the first time in months and its against this boring gronk. Shane thankfully stays out of the way and lets Truth guide him by the hand for a while. Some bullshit hits when Old Shane brawls with the Kru and Tarci gets involved. Truth cuts her off with a powerbomb, but he walks into a superkick for the loss
*3/4

In the back, Kid Kash tells the shitty Shirts to get rid of Dustin/Leon or else. DY refuses to fight the ICP, so Kash takes his place.

Match#3 Dustin Rhodes & El Leon vs Red Shirts
Dustin is one of the greatest wrestlers ever, but it's 04 and he's not as good as he used to be, and he's teaming with a bad wrestler and he's facing even worse ones. Man can't do shit is what I'm saying. But in good news, this is Legend's last match in TNA, thank Christ. Leon wins with with a bad Rock Bottom on Legend to send his ass packing.
1/2*

Post match, The Naturals attack Dustin with powder until the lug runs them off.

In the back, Mitchell and The Gathering say Raven has been hiding like a coward letting Sandman fight his battles, and he's getting a lesson in ultraviolence. Punk says he's waited 5 weeks to get his hands on Raven and tonight he hears his death rattle.

In the back, Kash yells at the Shirts for being fucking losers, AND JARRETT RUNS ON AND SMASHES THE GUITAR OVER LEGEND'S SHITTY HEAD AND HE'S OUT OF TNA. He screams that Northcutt has a choice to make.

There's a HORRIBLE Fairplay interview segment that i fucking refuse to write about. AJ comes out and says he'd love to kill him, but he's busy with Abyss and he needs to leave. AJ beats the fuck out of him for a while, and Abyss attacks from behind and it's on.

Match#4 AJ Styles (c) vs Abyss (NWA-TNA World Tag Team Championship)
Again, AJ is champion and there is no debate. They have an awesome fight on the outside and AJ takes gross and stupid bumps, and Abyss looks amazing again. AJ's comeback rules and he breaks out a wicked spin kick to the jaw this week, just to show he can do anything he wants. He overwhelms like last time and it's a wonderful story of AJ doing everything he can before he gets caught and killed. Abyss stuffs a DDT and throws him face on the mat and he beats the crap out of him. Abyss deadlifts him from the top rope in a choke and it's SUCH a cool visual on top of being brutal as hell. AJ's comeback rocks and Abyss is takes some huge bumps for him, the biggest being a rana off the top. AJ brings in a table and blasts the shit out of Abyss trying to get him on it. AJ nearly powebombs him through it, but Jarrett runs out and kicks him in the dick for the DQ.
**3/4

They beat the hell out of him and Abyss tries to throw him through and it doesn't break, and AJ dies. Abyss goes up to hit a knee drop but he's too far out, AND HE CLIPS THE TABLE AND FUCKS UP HIS KNEE LMAO. Harris runs out for the save.

In the back, Simon and Swinger both say they didn't sign it. Fuck off.

Match#5 ICP vs Kid Kash & Disco Inferno (Juggalo Street Fight)
Oh jesus. The lights flicker on and off like a rave, except Juggalos don't go to raves they go to orgies in paddocks. Fucking TNA. The heels throw all the plunda at them as hard as they can because fuck the ICP. Never want to side with Disco again. ICP are terrible because they've never trained like other famous people and they're just doing shit like when you were a kid. Kash gets beaten with a rollup. Disco avoiding losing to a clown actually rules.
Being a Juggalo

Post match, they beat up the referee. Simon and Swinger come out and the heels scatter and Simon gets the clipboard and looks at it, and BAW GAWD SWINGER SIGNED IT. HOW COULD HE DO THIS. He turns heel and attacks Simon. The most heartbreaking betrayal in wrestling history.

In the back, Goldy says words. Fuck off. Tenay walks on and says he needs to speak to Taylor. FUCK OFF.

Hype for Raven/Funk vs Gathering.

RAVEN MAKES HIS RETURN DRESSED IN HIS LEATHER JACKET, JORTS AND BAND T-SHIRT. GOAT.

Match#6 Raven & Terry Funk vs The Gathering w/Father James Mitchell
Raven beats the shit out of his former flunkies with all the fire and anger in the world. Funker gets busted open with a chair and Punk working the cut is wonderful. Just a psycho shithead bashing the hell out of a legend. Raven/Julio also happens and Dinero sucks, so whatever. Punker screams "YOU AIN'T SHIT" as he beats Funk to death, and i hate that he's gone in a week. Raven's hot tag is great as hell. HE YELLS FOR THE CROWD TO CHEER AND THEY GO NUTS AND HE FIRES UP MORE. Raven finally gets Punk and makes him pay for it all. He beats Julio with the EVENFLOW
**3/4

Post match, Punker attacks and Mitchell has a stun gun with him. He goes after Raven, but Funk takes the bullet for his old enemy. Raven gets it and the heels run for the hills.

In the back, Scott D'Amore makes his official debut!!! He says the World X-Cup is now an annual event thanks to Jarrett. He announces that Team TNA are out of the race because they're a disgrace to the world and TEAM CANADA will be taking their place. He says on March 10th they'll be facing Team AAA, and Teddy Hart is the captain. Oh fuck, something amazing is about to happen.

Next week:.AJ vs Abyss in a tables match for the Tag Titles.

In his lair, Raven said he sat at home alone with all his pain and self-loathing and he thought he was done, but he found his old clothes and found THE old Raven. He thanks Mitchell for reminding him of what brought him to the dace because now he's about to stab him with a rusty fork. He says next week he's bringing in someone with less regard for human life than him. THE HOMICIDAL, SUICIDAL. GENOCIDAL. SABUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU.

Match#7 Jeff Jarrett vs Chris Harris
Jarrett does his best Flair against a young hot babyface from a tag team. Lots of stooging and big bumps for the kid, and Harris looks like he could belong in this role full time. Maybe around 2007, if they make him in one of the best matches in TNA history and don't stick him in a feud with a fat junkie Dustin Rhodes. Harris shows all that fire like he does in tag matches, and Jarrett as stated above, really helps out. Control seg happens after Jarrett brains him with a chair, and it's fun work from Jeff working on the head and neck. The bullshit hits with a ref bump, title shot and Kash getting involved. Harris hits the Catatonic and has it won, but Kash yells at the ref that'll be fired if counts 3. He keeps yelling at him and the ref keeps not counting 3 like a real pussy. Jarrett hits Harris with the title and forces the ref to count 3
**1/2

Smug Tenay walks out with a mic and cries about being fired for being a prick. He announces the new D.OA....VINCE RUSSO. hahahahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahaha fuck off. Tenay being happy that the dude who he spent ALL of 02/03 hating on for killing WCW and wreaking TNA is his new boss, is maybe the most LOLTNA worthy moment ever.

 

[BigVanDonnie]

NWA WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION: JEFF JARRETT. Since-22/10/03
NWA-TNA X-DIVISION CHAMPION: CHRIS SABIN. Since-7/1/04
NWA-TNA WORLD TAG TEAM CHAMPIONS :AJ STYLES. Since-4/2/04

NWA-TNA PPV#82
February 25th, 2004
TNA Asylum

Tenay is back on commentary. Worst thing Russo has ever done.

Match#1 Juventud Guerrera vs Petey Williams vs Jerry Lynn
Russo re-hired Lynn, which is the worst thing he's ever done. Petey is mostly a nondescript nothing that gets pushed because he invented the worst finisher ever. He's in this because Teddy hurt his knee and D'Amore doesn't want to risk him. This is not a cool three way dance because Juvi can only do so much with this type of driftwood, so it's just a lot of spots with no reason behind them. Petey wins with a bad frog splash on Juvi
*3/4

Team Canada celebrate with him. The team is Petey, Teddy Hart, Johnny Devine and Jack Evans. Yes, American Jack Evans is on Team Canada. Buuuuut, given the fact he was a member of BLKOUT, this isn't very shocking.

We get footage of creepy Bill Apter giving AWM an award for TTOTY.

In the ring, Tenay says is skeptical of Russo being a changed man, but he's willing to give him a chance. It's worth noting that irl Russo found God and all that jazz, so he's a changed man. It's bullshit as we know from last 15+ years of him being a shitbag, but whatever. He fake cries about having a come to Jesus moment and the crowd is dead as shit, because even these idiots know the score. He goes on and on, and none of us need this. Jarrett finally walks out and calls bullshit on this and knows he's really here to seek Jeff's forgiveness. He says all he needed to do was just ask. Russo says the curtain is falling on the Jeff Jarrett run. IF ONLY. Russo says he needs to pass the torch and the fans chant for it, and Jeff slaps the piss out of him. He screams that he has earned his spot hahahahahahhahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahah. That's fucking funny. Jarrett slaps him again and screams for him to show he's the same, and Russo says he just showed he's not that man. He gives Jeff the night off and says someone's DESTINY is starting tonight.

Recap of Swinger turning heel. Again, broke my heart.

Match#2 Johnny Swinger vs Simon Diamond
To their credit they try and work it like a hate filled brawl, but they're both boring asshole that don't have the skill to make it work, so it falls flat. Swinger uses a loaded fist to win and shoves it into Simon's knee pad. Another ref comes out and restarts the match, and eventually Disco attacks for the DQ
1/2*

Disco and the heels attack and some Juggalo comes out to try and help, and gets killed for it.

In the back, the Shanes say words about 3LK. Jarrett walks on and asks Old Shane about Russo, and Shane says he can't be trusted. The Shanes leave and Jarrett walks up to the Naturals and tells them to take out Harris.

Hype for 3LK/Shane's

Match#3 The New Franchises w/Traci Brooks vs Konnan & Ron Killings w/BG James
Oh, what a nightmare match. Horrible, horrible match. Konnan and Old Shane are abysmal, and Truth can only do so much. Bad times. Konnan has maybe the worst hot tag ever as he's blown up and botching everything. The Bullshit hits and Konnan gets hit by Traci with her cast (she broke her arm going through the chairs a few weeks ago) and K-Dawg gets hit with the superkick for the loss
1/2*

Post match. Truth gets in Konnan's face before BG calms it down.

In the back, Harris is pissed he didn't get his rematch against Jarrett, but he'll take it out on the Naturals. SORRY, BOUT YOUR DAMN LUCK.

We see footage of the Nats and Jarrett laughing at them taking out all his enemies, and they promise they'll get Harris for him.

Match#4 Chris Harris vs Chase Stevens
Fun sprint for the boys. Chase gets some offence and looks pretty good in control. Harris' comeback is fun as always and he wins the Catatonic
*3/4

Post match, Russo sends a ref down to ringside and JB announces that Harris is now facing Andy Douglas

Match#5 Chris Harris vs Andy Douglas
Douglas attacks from behind and looks the same as Chase did. Not bad or anything, but way better suited to being a tag guy. Harris makes a short comeback and shoves Douglas into Chase and rolls him up to win
*3/4

Russo now tells JB it's a handicap match, and James Storm is very angry and confused.

Match#6 Chris Harris w/James Storm vs The Naturals
This gets nearly 10 minutes and the Natties look way better together than they did alone. They beat the hell out of poor Harris and it's a fun beating, but as much fire as Harris has, you can see he's still a ways away from being a top guy who can work 3 times in a night. TNA doing this with AJ has kind of fucked them in terms of thinking they can do this with Harris and have the same results and, well, he's not AJ Styles. The bullshit hits when Douglas distracts the ref and Chase gets the chair, but Storm runs in and Superkicks into his face and Harris hits his wonderful spear to win.
**3/4

Harris storms (heh) backstage and he's pissed at what he just went through.

Hype for Raven/Sabu vs Gathering.

In the back, Russo says he knows what he's doing. Harris runs on and says he's not a changed man at all! Russo says he knows what he wants, but he's not ready for it. Harris says he's been working for this for 2 years. Russo says Jeff has been doing it for 20, and his job is to get him ready for March 17 when he faces Jarrett for the title! Russo says he's going to hate him like he's never hated anyone, but he'll have everything he's dreamt of if he trusts him. Harris shakes his hand. Awesome angle.

Soooooooo before we get to this, i need to cover something. A few months before at an ROH show, Teddy Hart famously went off script and hit a bunch of moonsaults and dives off a cage to unsuspecting wrestlers who didn't know some junkie prick was going to land on them, and a couple of them got hurt. As a result, Teddy got booted from ROH by all the wrestlers and Punk posted on his livejournal about Teddy being a cunt and how he was done with his shit. "There is no God, and that cage wasn't 30 feet" https://cmpunk.livejournal.com/9301.html So, either the day of, or just before this show, they got into a fight at a restaurant that was broken up by Sabu. So there was a ton of heat on Punk for doing the right thing, but maybe also injuring Teddy in the process and potentially fucking up the world cup. So, between that and the ROH owner RF getting busted for being a nonce, which ended with TNA pulling all contracted stars from ROH shows, Punk picked ROH over TNA and this is his last match. Sucks to lose him from this review, but given he went out beating the piss out of one of the scummiest wrestlers ever, I'll take it.

Match#7 Raven & Sabu vs The Gathering w/Father James Mitchell
Only bad things about this is Tenay calling him Sabuuu. Like there's a couple of extra u's in there. Fucking goober. Also, they fucked with Raven's them and gave him some dogshit "Keep em Separated" knock off. Raven finally gets Punk to start and he kicks the shit out of him, and it's cathartic as hell. Sabu is Sabu, and that's never not the best. Julio is also in this and his career is dead after this, so whatever. Raven gets isolated and the boys have one last fun control seg, and Raven dies for them. Sabu's hot tag is wonderful as he uses a chair to kill them and he gives ZERO fucks about how hard he hits them. It all breaks down and Raven ends Punk's TNA career with the EVENFLOW.
**3/4

Raven gets on the mic, JEFF JARRETT I CAN NOT BE STOPPED. DID YOU THINK I FORGOT ABOUT MY DESTINY? JEFF JARRETT I'M COMING FOR YOU. HARRIS IS GETTING THE TITLE SHOT? WHAT ABOUT ME? WHAT ABOUT RAVEN? Holy fuck yeah.

In the back, Hudson says tonight is a DOUBLE tables match for the titles, and next week the loser will pick a partner and they will be the #1 contenders. What the fuck, Russo? AJ says this isn't about the titles, it's about ending Abyss' career after what he did to him .

Hype for AJ/Abyss

Match#8 AJ Styles (c) vs Abyss (NWA-TNA World Tag Team Championship. Double Tables Match)
I don't hate this being a double table match as it makes AJ's path to beating this fucker even harder, and it makes sense given Abyss put both of the superteam through tables, but man Russo could have given it more build.AJ uses the same gameplan of rushing him and trying to stick and move, but this time he has the help of tables he can use to beat the shit out of him with. At one point he slams a table right to the side of his dome in a really gritty moment. Abyss finally cuts him off with a Lariat and kicks the snot out of him. AJ manages to dropkick him into to the ropes and runs at him at full speed AND ABYSS GRABS HIM AND THROWS HIM OVER HIS HEAD AND AJ GOES THROUGH A TABLE. HOLY FUCK. AJ's selling is wonderful and the manic fight to not to be killed is even better. AJ counters a powerbomb into a Frankensteiner to send Abyss through a table. It gets dramatic as both dudes sell the pain and injures incredibly well. Fairplay gets involved and stops AJ from putting Abyss through another one, and Styles finally kills him with the Clash. the ref gets bumped and AJ murders Abyss with a gross chair shot. He hits a springboard 450 but the table doesn't break, AND HE HITS ANOTHER AND THE TABLE STILL DOESN'T BREAK, SO HE SAYS FUCK IT AND FROG SPLASHES POOR ABYSS TO FINALLY SEND HIM THROUGH IT. Fucking hell. That cockbag Lex Luger shows up and press slams AJ through a table, and he wakes the ref up and he calls it. Son of a bitch.
***

Ending sucked, but that was another wonderful entry in the series.

Post match, Luger puts him in the rack to close the show. One would think this is setting up a big singles match, but naaaaah Luger fucks off to ruin his life some more for two years and doesn't come back until 06 when Sting gets him another payday. LOLTNA

 

[BigVanDonnie]

NWA WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION: JEFF JARRETT. Since-22/10/03
NWA-TNA X-DIVISION CHAMPION: CHRIS SABIN. Since-7/1/04
NWA-TNA WORLD TAG TEAM CHAMPIONS: VACATED. Since 25/02/04

NWA-TNA PPV#83
March 3rd, 2004
TNA Asylum

Tonight; AJ Styles vs Abyss in a Falls Count Anywhere Match. Tenay announces that Russo has vacated the tag titles as a result of last week's tomfoolery, and we will get more information in the coming weeks.

Match#1 Chris Harris w/James Storm vs Kevin Northcutt
Tenay says Russo hasn't booked Jarrett in a match tonight, but Harris is apparently in for a long night. In more good news for TNA, this is Northcutt's last match for the company. Even funnier is he's debuted new gear tonight, but he won't need it. This is fine on Harris end as he does the best he can to get anything out of him, but he's not AJ who can do insane shit to make him look good. Catatonic ends it
*

In the back, Trinity says she isn't with Jarrett anymore, and she's got that New York Connection with Russo. Sonny, D-Lo, 3LK and Simon walk on and say she's stupid as hell, it was Russo who told him not to sign the oath!! She walks off very sad at this. The faces then cut a promo about an upcoming ten man tag match. Well, that's a fucking random team.

Match#2 Kid Kash, Michael Shane, David Young, Disco Inferno & Johnny Swinger. vs Simon Diamond, D-Lo Brown, Sonny Siaki, Ron Killings & Konnan
All the seconds are at ringside. This a giant clusterfuck for 10 minutes and none of it is very good because most of these dudes are terrible. I get the logic of booking it after the last few months, but it doesn't make for a fun match. Some bullshit hits and Kash throws a chair at Sonny's face for the DQ
3/4*

Post match, the fucking ICP make the save. NO.

In a terrible pre-tape, Frankie Kazarian cuts a promo about Lynn not wanting him in TNA, and how Kaz now wants his spot on Team TNA.

Match#3 Frankie Kazarian vs Jerry Lynn
Frankie is a not a good angry heel as he can't wrestle the way he should because he's too busy doing lame spots and working half assed holds, instead of beating the fuck out of Lynn. Lynn doesn't help either as his shoulder is fucked and he's clearly working a million steps slower. They get into a fucking rollup exchange because LOLLYNN, and Kaz hooks the bad shoulder to keep Lynn down.
3/4*

Post match, Raven walks down AND HE KILLS KAZ WITH THE EVENFLOW. He says he's been saying he deserves a title shot for a year and it's become a joke. No one is more qualified for a title shot than him, and Harris was a kid when Raven was taking people out. He ran off the New Church and Punk, and now he has to stand in line to stand in another line. WHAT ABOUT ME?. The Nats get in the ring and beat the shit out of Raven, and Kaz joins in. THE LIGHTS GO OUT AND SABU IS BACK AND HE KILLS ALL OF THEM.

In the carpark, Jarrett and Old Shane arrive, and Hudson says he's not booked tonight. (I'm not booked, Terry). Jeff says he knows Russo is trying to give him ring rust, but he'll find a match tonight. Old Shane then cuts a promo.

Hype for the World Cup.

Match#4 Chris Sabin, Elix Skipper & Sonjay Dutt vs. Nosawa, Ebessan & Kuishinbo Kamen
EBESSAN. HOLY SHIT YES. The single best comedy dude ever. Tenay says Japan wants in on the Cup and has sent a team to show their worth against Team TNA. Really love that. This is a lot of fun as everyone bar Nosawa is good, or at least fun, so you get a lot of cool spots and dives. Sabin and Dutt kill Nosawa with an Event Omega to win
**1/2

In the back, Goldy calls up Watts and laughs at him for being a fucking loser, and says she's going to find a real man.

Recap of AJ/Abyss and the nonsense with Flexy Lexy.

Match#5 AJ Styles vs Abyss (Falls Count Anywhere)
AJ has some new purple tights this week. They rush each other to start and a wild, wild brawl breaks out. Abyss fucking press slams AJ over the rail onto to the concrete and from there, they go nuts beating the piss out of each other around the Asylum. AJ has taken a broken and boring trope and updated it with his insanely cool offence and a monster of a opponent. AJ LEAPS OFF THE BALCONY WITH A PICTURE PERFECT DIVE. HOLY JESUS. Abyss punches a chair into AJ's face and starts beating the complete shit out of him like always, and it's even better in this environment where AJ can take maniac bumps all over the place for him. Also, Abyss fucked up his hand at some point and he sells it really well, and it holds him back from ending AJ's life. AJ's comeback is fun as hell, but very short after AJ gets thrown into the ref. They go into the finishing run, and like last time, these two are fucking perfect at escalating and having the fans bite on everything. AJ uses his brains to outsmart the big man and he keeps luring him into traps and fucking him up, but he can't end it. The ref gets bumped and AJ has it won with the Clash, but the new ref is too slow and Abyss kicks out. AJ brings in a table and puts Abyss on it and they struggling over and it collapses under Abyss' weight, so AJ says fuck it and sets him on it despite being broken AND HE HITS A SPLASH OFF THE TOP AND ABYSS DRAGS THE REF ON TOP OF HIM AND AJ LANDS ON HIS FUCKING SPINE. Jesus Christ. They have a gritty fight on the mat and it looks like a fight to the death. The Nazi runs down to try and help, and both men attack and the bell finally rings for the no contest.
***1/4

All the baby faces from the tag match run down and drag AJ off Abyss, and an awesome pull apart happens. That fucking ruled.

Next Week; The X-Cup. ICP vs Disco/DY in a Dark Carnival Match.

Both teams come out and a big brawl happens.

It's announced that Harris is facing Old Shane in the main event. Gross.

Jarrett now comes down to the ring bitching about being left off the show by Russo, and he promises to beat Harris out of the company. He says he's going to beat someone's ass and he goes around hitting crew members and throwing chairs into the ring. Jarrett goes after Tenay to finally kill him, but Harris attacks from behind and cool brawl breaks out. Old Shane joins in and helps beat Harris down, and the Nazi shows back up and makes himself the ref because all the others are dead.

Match#6 Chris Harris w/James Storm vs Shane Douglas w/Jeff Jarrett (Don Harris is the referee)
Old Shane is the drizzling shits as we all know, and Harris is being exposed as not ready for this as a singles dude, so there's a lot working against it. Old Shane's control seg is terrible and Harris can only do so much for this nonsense. He fights back and beats Old Shane all over the place, and the old man tries to bump and sell well for him as his shitty body will only let him do so much. Harris wins with the spear
*1/2

Post match, Russo comes down to the ring and asks Harris if he's ready for this. He has asks Storm the same, and Russo says he's bothered by Storm getting involved in Harris' matches and it makes them no different from Jarrett. He says he's doing everything by the book and he's not ready for the match, and he's going to postpone it. Harris shoves him into the corner and screams that the contract has been signed and he doesn't care if he likes it or not. Russo agrees he's ready and the match is on, but he's washing his hands of it. Jarrett runs back down and they fight to close the show.

 

[BigVanDonnie]

NWA WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION: JEFF JARRETT. Since-22/10/03
NWA-TNA X-DIVISION CHAMPION: CHRIS SABIN. Since-7/1/04
NWA-TNA WORLD TAG TEAM CHAMPIONS: VACATED. Since 25/02/04

NWA-TNA PPV#84; WORLD X-CUP 2
March 10th, 2004
TNA Asylum

-Four singles matches = 1 point each
-Two tag matches = 2 points each
-8 Man Elimination match = 2 points per elimination
-In event of a tie, the captains (Juvi and Hart) fight in a singles match for the cup next week on PPV.

Match#1 Teddy Hart w/Scott D'Amore vs. Mr. Aguila
Teddy actually goes to the mat to start instead of being insane, and it feels like D'Amore getting in his ear and telling him to behave. He's good at it because, well, duh. It's just really shocking to see him do it. He works the arm and has some really cool holds on it for a while before he stops doing to so he can do spots for a while, and then it turns into a normal Teddy Hart match with a bunch of insane shit, and Aguilla does a good job of keeping up with him. Tedd wins with the SSP
**3/4

Team Canada -1. Team Mexico-0

In the back, Juvi cuts a promo about being a more insane person than Teddy.

Match#2 Petey Williams vs Juventud Guerrera
Like the last time they met, Juvi is met with a slab of meat who brings nothing to the table aside from that fucking finish, so he just does what he can with him for a few minutes. They have a dreadful final few minutes with a hundred rollups' and bad counters, and Juvi mercifully ends it with Made in Japan.
3/4*

Team Canada-1. Team Mexico-1

In the back, Teddy's knee is fucked and the doctor wants him to go to the hospital, but he refuses because he's a fucking moron.

Match#3 Abismo Negro vs. Johnny Devine
Devine is a dude who will float around TNA for the next 6 or so years and be in a couple of big moments, but mostly does nothing of note because he's a boring dude. AN rules and does a better job than Juvi did of getting something out of nothing, but Devine is still boring as hell, and it suffers as a result. Devine gets a rough looking snap rana to win.
*

Team Canada-2. Team Mexico-1

In the back, Disco is trying to work out why DY is afraid of clowns. Disco thinks maybe he saw one on TV when he was a kid, and DY says he had 3 channels when he was a kid and there was clown on them. DEAD. He never went to the circus because who would. Fair point. He hated Doink. Kash walks in and ruins the fun and says they need help to kill the juggalos, and they need to go and find someone. That ruled.

Match#4 Jack Evans vs Hector Garza
Oh thank God. Jack is an insane once in a lifetime dude as we know, and Hector is solid as hell, so this is a super fun 6 minute back and forth. Jack flys around as only he can and Hector does his best to ground and knock the shit out of him. Jack breaks out the fucking 450 off the apron in one of the most insane spots ever. Garza is cooked and he knows it, so he low blows him and hits a moonsault to steal the win
***

Team Canada-2. Team Mexico-2

They run a hype video for Harris/Jarrett to kill some time.

Match#5 Abismo Negro & Juventud Guerrera vs. Jack Evans & Teddy Hart
Poor Jack gets maybe 10 minutes to recover after that and he's gotta face Juvi Juice. Brutal. Both of the crazy bastards fight to start and they go nuts because building matches is boring and spots are cool as shit. tbf, these two are insane and mostly great, so I'm here for it. The others join and this turns into a super fun spot fest and for a while. Teddy hits the fucking spiral tap and you can hear AJ Styles getting ready to kill him. He lets Juvi kick out of it like a real dipshit. Juvi then no sells it and with with a Stretch Muffler.
**3/4

Team Canada-2. Team Mexico-4

In the back, ICP say words. Not a fucking shot in hell.

Match#6 Hector Garza & Mr. Aguila vs. Johnny Devine & Petey Williams
Jesus, that Canada team is dire as hell. Team AAA do what they can, but this is a massive uphill battle. Lot of things happens, but nothing really happens. Devine hits a moonsault to win. Whatever.
*

Team Canada-4. Team Mexico-4

Match#7 Team Canada w/Scott D'Amore vs Team Mexico (8 Man Elimination Match for the World X-Cup)
They have the big feeling out to stat and it's not as good as last year because TC has some serious dead weight, but the Juvi/Teddy section is really fun because they go nuts for the 2nd time and don't give a fuck about anyone else. It all breaks down and Juvi kills Jack with the super Juvi driver to get rid of him. Teddy gets rid of AN with the Tap, which ends Teddy in TNA because he's a fucking moron. Devine and Hart hit a powebomb/Neckbreaker on Juvi to get rid of him. Devine them immediately loses to a sunset flip from Aguillia. Teddy kills Aguillia with a fucking moonsault death sentence that lands on his head. Teddy gets beaten by a rollup by Garza, and somehow that fucking nothing Petey makes the finals. Thankfully Garza beats him with the moonsault 10 seconds later. Big mess for the last half.
*3/4

Horrible tournament.

NEXT WEEK. AJ STYLES VS ABYSS IN A #1 CONTENDERS LADDER MATCH. FUCK YES.

Match#8 David Young, Disco Inferno & Kid Kash vs. 2 Tuff Tony & The Insane Clown Posse (Dark Carnival Match)
The lights flicker on and off again and it's distracting as hell, but it's not like this would be good enough to focus on. NEVERMIND THAT SHIT, THE FUCKING ALPHA MALE MONTY BROWN MAKES HIS RETURN AND POUNCEEEEEEEEEE'S THE FUCK OUT OF THESE PAINTED WHORES AND THE HEELS WIN
Pounce. Period.

 

[BigVanDonnie]

NWA WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION: JEFF JARRETT. Since-22/10/03
NWA-TNA X-DIVISION CHAMPION: CHRIS SABIN. Since-7/1/04
NWA-TNA WORLD TAG TEAM CHAMPIONS: VACATED. Since 25/02/04

NWA-TNA PPV#85
March 17th, 2004
TNA Asylum

Tonight; Jeff Jarrett vs Chris Harris for the Worlds title. AJ Styles vs Abyss in a #1 contenders Ladder match.

Match#1 Frankie Kazarian vs Elix Skipper
Another really bad heel showing for Frankie. He's not built for this role and TNA sticking him in this is a bad idea. Hell, TNA sticking with him for the next decade plus is a bad idea, but that's never stopped them before. Kaz wins by grabbing the tights, and this nightmare shall continue.
3/4*

Post match, he keeps beating up Skipper until Lynn makes the save.

In the back, Hudson announces a 10 man gauntlet for the gold for the #1 contendership. WAIT A FUCKING SECOND. You're running AJ/Abyss for the #1 contendership in a ladder match, you can't run TWO of them, you fucking dipshits. LOLTNA

In the ring, Tenay calls out Russo to talk about the main event. Russo says he was tough to Harris for his own good and this is about making an even playing field. He knows he's ready and the fans and himself are 100% behind him. Raven's horrible theme hits and he comes out with Sabu, and he looks pissed! Raven "fine speeches" Russo and the fans chant "WHAT ABOUT RAVEN" Raven asks the question and says he's not booked on the show and he wants to know why. Russo says he tried to find him all week but he doesn't know what he does when he isn't here, and Raven deadpans "you don't want to know" AMAZING. Russo says Raven asked him to bring in Sabu and he did it for him, and next week they'll be in a tag tournament for the vacant titles. Raven says he doesn't care about the titles and Sabu doesn't need him, he wants to be the champion. Russo says he can be in the gauntlet and if he wins, he'll be #1 (#2 actually) . Raven calls bullshit on this and says he doesn't need to qualify for anything. Russo offers him the spot in the ladder match, and Raven says he's not wrestling either of them because he doesn't need to qualify, and he WON'T do it. Raven says Harris isn't read and he should take his place, and they're doing the kid a favour before he loses and goes in a career slump. GIVE ME MY TITLE SHOT. Russo refuses to do it, and Raven begs him to do it and to listen to the fans. Russo again refuses, and Raven says this is WCW all over again. Russo promises him a shot, and Raven says Russo cares about his friends like Sonny and AJ, and he'll never give him the title shot. Raven promises that by the end of the night he'll have his attention.

Recap of Monty Brown's return.

Monty Brown cuts an INSANE promo about hunting clowns and how the fans can't spell "boo" or tell him how many syllables are in it. DEAD. POUNCE PERIOD.

Match#2 Monty Brown vs Chris Vaughn
Wonderful squash from the Alpha Male. Pounce and the Alpha Bomb does the deed
**

Post match, he kills him some more just because he can.

In the back, AJ says he's winning and he's taking Abyss out tonight. AJ agrees that Raven deserves a shot, and that Harris is ready. He says he hasn't spoken to Russo since he got back, and he's got no intention of doing it.

Match#3 Shane Douglas w/Traci Brooks vs James Storm
Storm is finally back and they stick him with Old Shane. Fucking TNA. Like Harris did last week, Storm does what he can with him and it's fine. Traci accidently distracts the ref when Old Shane has it won and he gets up and yells at her, and he turns back into a superkick for the loss
*3/4

Post match, Old Shane yells at her, and Young Shane runs down and gets in his face!!! They calm it down and Shane says sorry to her, and they leave together.

In the back, Abyss and Jarrett are standing by. Jarrett says everyone knows Harris isn't ready and tonight he's going to prove it. Goldy walks on and she's still yelling at Watts for being a fucking loser. Jeff steals the phone and calls him a big goof and tells him to get a job delivering pizza. Jeff leaves and Goldy makes fuck eyes at Abyss. YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS.

Match#4 Gauntlet For the Gold #2 Contenders Match
#1 is Simon Diamond
#2 is David Young
DY does the best he can with him, and it's fine enough.
Simon ruins it by throwing him out.
#3 is Kid Kash
Not good at all.
#4 is D-Lo
He picks things up by being awesome.
# 5 is Disco Inferno
He sucks
Kash skins the cat and D-Lo stupidly runs at him and Kash kips and throws him out.
#6 Is Sonny Siaki
He does the some stuff and it's fine.
RAVEN RUNS AND KILLS HIM WITH THE EVENFLOW AND SCREAMS AT THE CAMERA IF RUSSO IF HE HAS HIS ATTENTION NOW
FUCK YEAH
Disco throws out Sonny
#7 Is Young Shane
He brings nothing to this
This is very bad.
#8 is Konnan
NO
#9 Is Ron Killings
He picks it up as best he can, but there is way too many pieces of shit in this
Disco throws out Konann
#10 is Swinger
He throws out Simon
Truth throws out Disco
Truth throws out Swinger.
Truth/Shane is at the same level as their singles match. F I N E E N O U G H
Old Shane comes out to cheer him on.
He throws Young Shane the chain, AND YOUNG SHANE THROWS IT AWAY.
Truth kicks him in the guts and hits the Lie Detector and Truth is the #2 contender
*3/4

Old Shane yells at him for throwing it away, and the crowd chants for them to fight but they don't.

In the back, Russo confronts Raven about his actions. He says he's getting his title shot, just not tonight. Russo asks him to leave for the good of their friendship, and Raven does it but he's pissed.

Hype for AJ/Abyss.

Match#5 AJ Styles vs Abyss (#1 Contenders Ladder Match)
-Doing this one in highlight form as it's another one of those psycho AJ Styles spotfests that he escalate SO fucking well, that it's a perfect mix of equal parts nasty as fuck, and awesome as hell
-Another frantic start with both dudes being angry as hell after last week, and caring more about a pint of blood than winning the match.
-Abyss finally gets the ladder and just like the table match, they now have a toy to use in the most wicked and cool ways possible.
-Both dudes take some nasty shots, and AJ takes the lion's share in the coolest and ugliest ways.
-Abyss takes a gross facebuster right to the side of mouth on the leg of the ladder.
-Abyss beats the fuck out of him with chairs and ladders, and AJ not only has his amazing selling, but he turns bright red and it gives it another grimey moment of brutality.
-AJ finally cuts him by biting his fucking hand when he tries to chokeslam him, BUT ABYSS KICKS HIM IN THE DICK AND THROWS HIM HEAD FIRST INTO THE CHAIR AND AJ IS DEAD AGAIN.
-AJ finally hits him with the Clash to stop him, and climbs up the ladder and hits a fucking 450 Splash and his knees CRUSH Abyss.
-They fight on the ladder and AJ hooks Abyss' legs in between the rungs AND HE HITS A GODDAMN --SUNSET FLIP THROUGH TWO CHAIRS. FUCKING HELL.
-Raven gets in the ring and yells at AJ and distracts him, AND ABYSS TIPS THE LADDER BACKWARDS AND AJ FALLS OVER THE TOP ROPE AND CATCHES THE SIDE OF HIS HEAD ON THE SIDE OF A LADDER SET UP ON THE RAIL AND HE'S DEAD. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, AJ.
-Abyss climbs up and gets the contract down.
-Incredible, incredible match. Not sure if it's as good as the first one, but it's splitting hairs.
****

Raven screams at the commentators that he hopes he's got Russo's attention, and a mountain of black shirts make him leave. Russo watches from the stage and he's very sad.

In the carpark, Raven and AJ are arguing and Raven says he never touched him, AND AJ THROTTLES HIM UNTIL SABU DRAGS HIM OFF. AJ screams he's got HIS attention now. Fuck Yes.

Hype for Jarrett/Harris.

Match#6 Jeff Jarrett (c) vs Chris Harris (NWA-TNA World Heavyweight Championship)
They have the classic Flair opening with the champ being overwhelmed by the hot babyface and him bailing out, getting thrown back and all that jazz, and Harris just isn't that dude. I love him to death and AMW are going to continue to fucking rule for the next 3 years, but he's not ready for this spot at all. The entire storyline is actually real, and i feel like it's the greatest shoot Russo ever wrote and the one he never gets credit for. We get shots of Abyss and Truth watching from around the building. Harris takes a nasty bump on the rail and Jarrett's control is ok enough, but Harris decides on this night he's not going to sell any of it. Goddamn dude, this is YOUR shot, don't blow it.

It picks up when Harris comebacks and hits a big dive in the crowd, but it all feel too little, too late, sadly. Some stuff happens, and Jarrett forces all the bullshit that TNA just has to do, and it feels hilariously out of place for a match that is nowhere near as big as they think it is. Ref bumps, weapons, missed falls, Storm getting involved. ALL the bullshit. Harris has it won after a Storm superkick, but that rapscallion Raven pulls the ref out. Maybe make sure he's actually gone, guys. Just a thought. Jarrett finally breaks a guitar over his head to win.
*3/4

Russo gets on the mic and says next week Raven will hate the consequences (creed) of his actions. Russo says the next time Jeff defends his title will be in a cage match to cut off all the bullshit. NEVERMIND THAT SHIT, AJ RUSHES THE RING AND FIGHTS RAVEN TO CLOSE THE SHOW.

Horrible show only saved by AJ Styles refusing to let this place break him. Really can't wait until i don't have to type that anymore.

 

[BigVanDonnie]

NWA WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION: JEFF JARRETT. Since-22/10/03
NWA-TNA X-DIVISION CHAMPION: CHRIS SABIN. Since-7/1/04
NWA-TNA WORLD TAG TEAM CHAMPIONS: VACATED. Since 25/02/04

NWA-TNA PPV#86
March 24th, 2004
TNA Asylum

Tonight; The NWA Tag Team Tournament starts. #1 Contender Match for the X-Division title. Abyss vs Truth.

The Shane's come out for their match in the tournament and cut another horrid promo about franchising asses and making some noizzzzzzzzzzze. Their opponents are DANIELS AND LOW KI. HOLY SHIT YES.

Match#1 Low Ki & Christopher Daniels vs The New Franchises w/Traci Brooks (Tag Tournament Round 1)
Triple X put on the working boots and drag these mediocre sons of bitches to a fun match. Nothing groundbreaking because it's impossible, but the best thing you can do with this team. Daniels is isolated and carries them with his fun bumping and selling, and Ki's hot tag goes as well it can with these droogs. Traci fucks up the interference and Triple X beat Young Shane with a neckbreaker/powerbomb combo
**

Post match, the Shanes argue and Young Shane walks out on them.

In the back, Kid Kash confronts Disco and DY and says he can't trust them, so he's found a new partner for the tournament. Oh, no.

Match#2 David Young & Disco Inferno w/Trinity vs Sinn & Slash
OH GROSS. DY and Slash do their best to get something out of nothing, but it's no good, sadly. Sinn is still a terrible son of a bitch, and i hate him. DY is beat with the Whirly Bird
1/2*

In the back, BG says Konnan isn't here and he asks Russo what he's meant to do, but before he can answer, Raven walks on and confronts Russo about being suspended (which he found out on the interweb) and Russo calls him Scotty, and says to please leave. Raven rants again about being better than everyone and he's being politicked. Raven tries to get Sabu to leave with him, but Russo says he's booked tonight and he's not leaving. Raven swears revenge. Again, maybe keep the fucking dude out of the Asylum.

Monty Brown beats the fuck out of the Nazi before their match. YEAH KILL HIM FOR ALL THE PEOPLE HE'S HURT. He beats the fuck out of him and breaks his arm in a chair. Hell of way to make a brand new babyface. Monty gets in the ring and says he didn't come here to beat down little gazelles or rabbits, it's open season and he wants someone to come down here and get beaten down. AND FUCKING SABU RUNS DOWN AND THEY FIGHT. MONTY GETS THE BEST OF HIM, BUT SABU FIGHTS BACK AND HITS THE TRIPLE JUMP AND MONTY RUNS FOR IT. That fucking ruled.

In the back, it's announced that World X-Cup is coming back in two weeks and will be Mexico vs UK. Hector Garza is the new captain because Juvi got fired for being Juvi, and Heavy Metal will be replacing him.

Kid Kash introduces his partner...Lance Hoyt DALLAS. He's very very young and not good at all, so this will be a rough few years. DW calls him Kash's cousin, so i guess that's now cannon. Also, Kash never names him and the commentators keep calling "Kash's family" fucking TNA.

Match#3 Kid Kash & Dallas vs Simon Diamond & Sonny Siaki ( Tag Tournament Round 1)
This is absolutely horrible. No chemistry or anything cool worth writing about, just a giant mess. Dallas uses a nightstick on Sonny and Kash rolls him to win. 100% believe the nightstick is a thing so Russo can put it on a pole. Shiftless cockbag.
Catching Covid

In the back, AJ is pissed he's now stuck on the sidelines waiting for a title shot after last week. Russo walks on and asks to speak to him, and AJ says he warned him back in October not to mess with Jarrett and didn't listen. Russo says he suspended Raven because of his action, and he wants him to trust him. AJ asks for a match with Raven, and Russo again refuses. AJ says he'll never trust him again.

Match#4 The Naturals vs BG James (Round 1)
Konanan isn't here as stated earlier, so BG is by himself because Truth is facing Abyss tonight. He works with some urgency and care and it's nice to see him give a shit for once. The Nats are solid as hell and stooge well before they beat they his ass. Control is very fun as the Nats are slowly getting better and better, and BG does well selling for them. Konnan limps down and gets the tag and has a terrible hot tag, and he forgets to sell the leg. The Nats throw powder in his eyes and kill him with the chair for being a piece of shit, and they steal it.
**

Recap of Jarrett/Harris. Come on, stop it.

We come from that and Jarrett brags about being right about Harris not being ready. He says Russo has started "THE ROAD TO THE CAGE" where the winner of Abyss/Truth will face Harris and the winner will face him in the cage. That's bullshit, man. Harris lost and doesn't deserve another crack, so fuck off.

Tenay brings out STING for a interview where he spends a few minutes putting over TNA and the future and whatnot. Always great to see Sting, but until 06 none of this matters.

In the back, Truth is with Hudson. He says things have changed since he won the title and now he's back on the road to it, and Abyss can't handle the Truth. Goldy walks on and says Abyss is ready for him. Guess they had the sex.

Match#5 Ron Killings vs Abyss (#1 Contenders Match)
Tenay says the winner faces Jarrett in the cage, so TNA isn't telling the left hand what the right hand is doing. Love them so much. Truth uses his speed to stick and move and keep Abyss on the backfoot, and it's so nice to see him unleashed and free from 3LK. He takes a nasty fall to the concrete and they have an Asylum Brawl. It's not as good as the AJ one, but still a lot of fun. They fight back to the ring and use a chair and the ref never DQ's anyone, so i guess it's now no DQ?? Truth uses to launch himself off of and do cool shit, and he mostly beats the shit out of Abyss and it's weird that the big man never gets a control seg. Truth has it won after the Lie Detector AND HEY, RAVEN PULLS OUT THE REF BECAUSE TNA HAS THE WORST FUCKING SECURITY IN THE WORLD. The ref doesn't DQ and it keeps going and Abyss has it won, BUT RAVEN HITS HIM WITH A CHAIR BECAUSE THE REF NEVER BOTHERED TO MAKE HIM LEAVE. REAP WHAT YOU SOW, YOU MORONS. The ref finally ends it.
**1/4

Raven hits Truth with a chair and beats his ass, but AJ runs down and they have a wonderful fight, and it should just be the title feud and Jarrett can fuck off forever. Abyss gets back up and nukes AJ with the BHS, and Truth fights Raven!!! The entire locker room run down and keep everyone apart as best as they can. Truth gets on the mic and says he's been too quiet for too long and he wants to take care of Raven. He demands a fatal 4 way next for the #1 contendership, NOW CAN HE GET AN AMEN. FUCK YEAH. Everyone fights again to end it.

In the back, Skipper and Lynn demand a shot at the winners of the next X-Cup, and Lynn proposes an X-Cup with ALL the countries and they should have a one night PPV. Hmmm, i might steal that. D'Amore walks on and says Petey Williams is going to become the #1 contender tonight and shock the world. He also agrees we should have a World X-Cup so he can see American's choke. YEAH FUCK AMERICA.

Next Week; Monty Brown vs Sabu. Raven vs AJ Styles vs Abyss vs Ron Killings in a fatal 4 way with the winner facing Chris Harris. STING will be the enforcer. Hell yeah.

In the back, Harris cuts a very bad promo. Poor dude is drowning out here.

Match#6 Jerry Lynn vs. Elix Skipper vs. Frankie Kazarian vs. Amazing Red vs. Petey Williams vs. Nosawa (#1 Contenders Elimination Match)
One might have noticed the title hasn't been defended since January, and no it's not TNA being their normal moronic selves. Sadly, Sabin blew out his knee and the title will be vacated next week. So this serves more to showcase who is going to win the title and feud with them, and given how bad some of these fuckers are, it's going to be a long few months. Only Skipper and Red are capable over having a cool spotfest or actual good match this needs to be now that Sabin is dead. Like, Petey/Kaz is truly, truly horrible and shouldn't be on a dark match let alone PPV. So, this blows a ton. It gets down to Red/Kaz and even one one knee and few months away from never being the same again, Red blows this cumpstain out of the water. Thankfully, Red wins with the Red Star Press.
*3/4

IN THE BACK, EVERYONE IS FIGHTING AND THE ENTIRE LOCKER ROOM IS TRYING TO KEEP THEM APART. WE'RE OUT OF TIME, SEE YOU ON THUNDDDDDDDDDDDDDA.

 

[BigVanDonnie]

NWA WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION: JEFF JARRETT. Since-22/10/03
NWA-TNA X-DIVISION CHAMPION: CHRIS SABIN. Since-7/1/04
NWA-TNA WORLD TAG TEAM CHAMPIONS: VACATED. Since 25/02/04

NWA-TNA PPV#87
March 31st, 2004
TNA Asylum

Tonight; The 4 way #1 Chris Harris Contendership. Monty Brown vs Sabu.

Match#1 The Naturals vs Christopher Daniels & Low Ki (Semi-Finals)
XXX now in the role of babyface vets beating the piss out of couple of punks is amazing. Ki in particular takes real glee and joy in beating a rookie's head in. Ki gets isolated after a distraction and the Nats look the best they have as they're putting all together as sneaky little bastards that can work. Andy Douglas throws a few really gross knees and moves really well, and it sucks he never went further. Same can be said for everyone this tbh. Daniels has a rad hot tag and the Natties bump like crazy for him before it all breaks down. The chaos is awesome as always and i wish this was a proper feud, They try the powder and chair, but Ki boots Andy in the skull and they murder Chase with the Power-Plex (Powerbomb/Neckbreaker combo)
***

Post match, Ki offers his hand and Daniels shakes. FUCK YEAH.

In the back, Kash formally introduces his cousin Dallas.

Match#2 Kid Kash & Dallas vs Sinn & Slash (Semi-Finals)
Ewwwwwwww. I miss Brian Lee, and i think that's the first time anyone has ever said that. None of this is worth talking about at all. Kash/Dallas win. Least Sinn is finally fucking gone.
1/2*

It's now Triple X vs Kash Dallas in the finals. TNA won't let us down...

We get a Double J promo about the main event. Same old "Ain't i great, slapnuts" shit. Can't wait for May 05.

In the ring, Tenay brings out AMW for an interview. They walk out AND JEFF KILLS STORM WITH THE GUITAR. HELL YEAH, JEFF. An awesome fight breaks out with Harris and it's the best he's looked in the entire feud. He drops Jeff with the Catatonic and gets the guitar BUT RAVEN RUNS IN AND EVENFLOWS HIM AND HE GOES NOSE TO NOSE WITH JARRETT. BUT AJ JUMPS THE RAIL AND HITS THEM WITH A DOUBLE LARIAT AND FIGHTS RAVEN AND THEY VANISH. BACK IN THE RING, JARRETT KILLS HARRIS WITH THE GUITAR. Awesome angle.

In the back, Monty Brown says the ring is his hunting grounds. He calls this open season and he's hunting humans. He threatens to POUNCE Hudson's mother if she steps to him! He's stalking Sabu and he's going to feel the POUNCE. PERIOD. Adore this man.

Match#3 Sabu vs Monty Brown
Hell Yeah. they have a wonderful crazy man fight with Monty using his power and Sabu his speed, and it's so cool to watch them go at it. Monty gases himself out trying to play Sabu's game and he gets wrecked for it in the best way. They break out the plunda and Sabu uses the chair to beat him up worse and worse, and Monty's selling rules as he's getting slower and slower, and he throws more things in desperation. They fight on the outside and Sabu sends him through a table with the Triple Jump, but Monty proves his toughness by fighting back and getting right back into the fight. They fight into the crowd and have an Asylum Brawl and it rules so much, because it can't not with these two. They keep fighting and the ref finally throws it out
**3/4

Post match, they keep fighting until black shirts drag them apart.

In the back, Hudson says David Young is 0-17 since October, and even in his wins he never gets the pins. Fuck you, DY rules. Disco demands he win tonight. They walk off and the Shane's walk on and i walk off.

D-Lo and El Leon walk out for a 4 way tag match and Leon usmaks and baw fucking gawd it's Gran Apolo. It gets little to no pop which is very funny.

Match#4 David Young & Disco Inferno vs The New Franchises vs D-Lo Brown & Apolo vs Simon Diamond & Sonny Siaki (#1 Contenders Match)
Just as the state of the horrible X-Division, the tag division is the drizzling shits outside of 3 teams as best. It's crazy how much will change for the better in the next year or so when we hit the peak of TNA. No one in this is good aside from D-Lo, DY and Young Shane, so we get another boring multiman fuckery fest with too many bad wrestlers getting time to stink the joint up. The Shanes argue again about the chain, and Young Shane finally walks out on this terrible faction. Good for him. Apolo beats DY with his dogshit TKO
1/2*

In Abyss' basement, Hudson is looking for him and he finds Goldy in a wig doing a faux English accent. WTF.

Tenay finally announces that Sabin is injured and has been stripped of the title, and now the title match will be between Red and Kaz.

Sabin comes out on crutches and with his knee in a brace, and it hurts man. He gives the ref the title and Tenay says TNA wanted him to fedex it, but he wanted to bring it back like a man.

Match#5 Amazing Red vs Frankie Kazarian (NWA-TNA X-Division Championship)
Like last week, Red gifts this idiot a fun match because he's another one of these dudes who refuses to let TNA break him. Kaz's offence looks like complete fucking shit as he whiffs on kicks and overcomplicates things he's doesn't need to. Like, jumping over the top rope and jumping back over with a leg drop, like if it's not a springboard what's the point? He keeps doing stupid shit and makes Red look even cooler than normal, and he's on one leg lmao. Control goes well because of Red's gross bumping and selling, and he makes Kaz look like he's not a worthless dipshit. Comeback rules and Red has a hell of a dive for a man with one working knee. Sabin stops Kaz from cheating with the crutch, and we get a fun finishing run and Kaz legit steps up and has some really cool counters and looks good. Red misses the Red Star Press and Kaz gets a cradle to win the title.
**3/4

Kudos to TNA for actually building someone and doing something with them, but it's Kaz, you know.

Kaz runs around the ring dancing like an asshole and he gets in Sabin's face and kicks him in the knee!!! Team TNA run down and beat the shit out of him and he bails.

In the back, 3LK cut a 3LK promo.

David Taylor and Team Uk come out and cut a promo about being the best country.

Hype for the main event.

IT'S SHOWTIME FOLKS.

Russo jons commentary and he has a towel around his neck.

Match#6 AJ Styles vs Raven vs Abyss vs Ron Killings (#1 Chris Harris Contendership. Sting is the enforcer)
Now THIS is a wonderful multiman fuckery match. They go 100% from the start and AJ is the king of laying these out as everyone gets their moments to shine in between the absolute breakneck speed of it all. AJ and Truth team up to take out the heel and they make a killer duo with their offence and fire, and they both look amazing as always. Abyss gets his monster moments, and Raven is a crazed madman picking any bones he can get his hands on. HE PUNCHES STING AND STING BEATS THE FUCK OUT OF HIM. HOLY SHIT, THAT'S MY DREAM MATCH. Abyss joins and fights Sting setting the stage for something horrible, but it rules here. AJ AND TRUTH HIT TANDEM SUMMERSAULT DIVES TO TAKE EVERYONE OUT FUCK YEAH. They finally fight and it's rad as hell to the shock of no one. Raven cuts them off with a chair and we get some insane offence with it,AJ like Truth hitting a fucking Axe-Kick to send AJ face first into it. Jesus Christ, man. Abyss and Truth get taken out and AJ has Raven beat with the Clash, but Jarrett pulls the ref out. AJ goes for another but Jarrett throws in Russo's towel and AJ is now thrown off by it and thinks Russo did it, and it allows Raven to low blow him and hit the EVENFLOW to win. Weird ending, but that fucking ruled.
***1/4

Russo is sad, AJ is pissed, and Raven is happy he can say DESTINY.

 

[BigVanDonnie]

The World X-Cup file is mostly horrible and very hard to watch, and the entire show looks dogshit, so no big loss. However, i will watch the Tag Title match for the people reading this.

Match#1 Low Ki & Christopher Daniels vs Kid Kash & Dallas (NWA-TNA World Tag Team Championships)
In their last night as a team (Low Ki is gone after tonight) XXX are tasked with carrying Dallas and a hit and miss piece of shit like Kash. Fucking TNA. They do everything in their power to make the heels look like a good team with some awesome bumping and offence, and a refusal to let them drag them down. Ki gets isolated after he flips himself in a gross angle against the turnbuckle, and he gifts the heels a fun control seg just by being Low Ki. Daniels does the same when he gets briefly isolated, and it just really sucks they aren't staying together and TNA is going to fuck it all up. Ki's hot tag rules as he beats the dog shit out of them for being the worst. Dallas can't bump or sell, or wrestle so Ki just kicks his ass to force him to. HE BOOTS HIM STRAIGHT IN THE SKULL AND DALLAS FALLS LIKE A SACK OF SHIT. GOD BLESS. Sadly, Kash sneaks in and hits Ki with the nightstick and these bastards win the titles.
**3/4

 

[BigVanDonnie]

NWA WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION: JEFF JARRETT. Since-22/10/03
NWA-TNA X-DIVISION CHAMPION: FRANKIE KAZARIAN. Since-31/4/04
NWA-TNA WORLD TAG TEAM CHAMPIONS: KID KASH & DALLAS. Since-7/4/04

What a disgusting list of champions.

NWA-TNA PPV#89
April 14th, 2004
TNA Asylum

We go straight to the ring and Jarrett is screaming at Smug Tenay that he's trying to help Russo to help him steal the title from him. He promises to win the cage match, and he's going to take out James Storm right now. Storm comes out and we've got a match.

Match#1 Jeff Jarrett vs James Storm
Storm is an awesome house of fire after being killed with the guitar two weeks ago, and he beats the dog shit out of Jeff all over the Asylum. They get into the brawl and we get another fun Jarrett asylum brawl, but nowhere near as cool as the AJ ones. Something in that. That get back in the ring and Jarrett takes over his control is the same as always, and man I'm just sick of this shit and we haven't reached the true reign of terror yet. Storm's comeback is pretty fun as he shows some fire, but he might be better off a heel singles guy. The bullshit hits when the ref gets poked in the eye and they fight over a guitar and Storm tries to swing it but the ref grabs it off him, and Jarrett gets a stroke to win. Dumb finish
**3/4

Post match, Jarrett gets on the mic and says he's going to hurt Storm to send a message or some lame shit. He beats his leg with a chair and sticks him in the figure four, and baw gawd Harris comes for the save and beats up Jeff for being big bully. Raven runs and hits Harris with a chair and hits a Drop-Toe Hold onto two chairs, AND HE SMASHES HIS LEFT SHOULDER WITH A CHAIR. FUCK YEAH, KILL HM. HE STICKS HIM IN THE CROSSFACE CHICKEN WING. Russo tries to save and Raven chokes him out. AJ runs down for the save and Raven bails. Russo offers his hand to AJ and AJ walks out. Awesome shit.

In the back, Swinger, Disco and Trinity are standing by. Swinger cuts a terrible promo about being from NYC and all that shit, and this is basically the formation of the NEW YORK CONNECTION.

Match#2 Frankie Kazarian (c) vs Sonjay Dutt (NWA-TNA X-Division Championship)
Decent enough showcase for Sonjay...oh, Frankie is champ? Fuck. Sonjay takes some awesome bumps and has a few cool dives, and just looks a million times better than his joker. Sonjay takes a nasty header on a DDT on the apron, and once again makes this asshole look good because said asshole can't do it himself. It breaks down and Kaz hits one of the worst looking Spanish Fly's ever and nearly kills poor Sonjay. He sadly keeps the title with W.O.F
**1/2

Kaz gets on the mic and says that was another member of TNA falling victim to "THE COOLEST PERSON IN THE WORLD" lmaooooooooooooooooo. He keeps talking and gets next to reaction and it's pretty sad. He demands a TNA official to come down and make him a member of Team TNA, and Abyss comes out and murders him with the BHS. Fuck yeah, Abyss. Abyss then kills Sonjay for being alive.

In the back, people are attending to Harris' dead arm and AJ tells Russo put him in it, and then they can be cool again. Harris steps up and says the only way AJ is getting it is over his dead body. Russo says the match stays the same.

A hype video for Swinger/Diamond airs. LOLTNA.

Match#3 Johnny Swinger w/Disco Inferno vs Simon Diamond w/Sonny Siaki.
Really, really bad as both men suck for the most part, and this isn't going to make either of them better. Lots of boring brawling and whatnot, and it dies a death. The seconds get into a fight on the floor and DY runs in and fucks up the interference and kills Swinger with a lariat and Simon steals it.
3/4*

Post match, everyone brawls and it sucks. Trinity runs down and brains Sonny with a chair, and the heels leave DY in the ring alone.

In the back, 3LK cut a 3LK promo.

Hype for Monty/Sabu.

Match#4 Sabu vs Monty Brown (Falls Count Anywhere)
Hell yeah. They have another wonderful fight to start and Monty is growing by the week with his offence and selling. At one point he takes a chair to the skull and does an incredible delayed fall, and then a short time later he hits a GROSS Alpha Bomb off the top. Just the best dude. They break out some plunda and Sabu overwhelms him by being Sabu. Love that Monty is too much of a raw animal not to realise that's a terrible idea. They brawl into the crowd and it's a killer fight with some cool bumps on the concrete. They fight off into a room and we don't see the fight, BUT ABYSS WALKS OUT AND CHOKESLAMS SABU THROUGH A TABLE. OH FUCK. Goldy walks out and makes Abyss leave, and Monty hits the POUNCE on the concrete to win.
**3/4

In the back, The Shanes are friends again and all is well. Nah, Young Shane has had enough of the old man and wants his respect and due, and he's going back to the X-Division. Old Shane is very sad his meal ticket is done with his worthless ass.

Match#5 Kid Kash & Dallas (c) vs D-Lo Brown vs Apolo (NWA-TNA World Tag Team Championships)
Not hard to see why D-Lo is gone soon as TNA sticks him with a giant piece of shit and give him nothing to work with. Just pure fucking horror to watch Dallas and Apolo "wrestle" like i could get arrested for reviewing a snuff film bad. D-Lo and Kash try their best to salvage it, but you can fix anything this dull and bad. To make matters worse they bring back that "titles can change hands on a DQ" NWA bullshit that only happens once in a decade when they need a new finish to drag some shit out, or someone (*cough Sting cough*) doesn't want to job. Dallas hits the faces with the nightstick and the fucking moron loses the belts for his team.
LOLNWA

In the back, Sabu is locked in a room and he's flipping his shit. Raven walks on and says don't worry about him, worry about his destiny. He promises to send Harris to the hospital tonight, and Hudson asks if he has Sabu's back, and Raven says Sabu has HIS back and always will. Hmmmmmmmmmm.

Awesome hype video for Raven/Harris.

Match#6 Raven vs Chris Harris (#1 Contenders Match)
Harris' arm is in a full sling from the shoulder down and Raven goes right after it in amazing shithead fashion, but he gets too nuts about it and Harris is able to kick him off the apron and hurt his knee!! Raven's selling is fucking incredible as he limps on it and never stops selling it, even when in control. Harris has some really good work on it and it's another small moment to remind us that Harris rules to a point, but he's been thrown in the deep end too soon. Harris doesn't stop selling the arm, and it allows Raven to still grab at it whenever he can and hurt it. It turns into a dog fight as both dudes are fucked up and trying to kill the other before they get it themselves. They fight on the outside and Raven can finally take over and he kills the arm with the rail and the steps. Raven breaks out the Chickenwing again and it's so cool to see that being used again. Storm limps out and cheers his boy on, and Harris makes an awesome comeback with all the fire we've come to know and love. The Bullshit hits (tm) and a massive brawl breaks out between Sabu and Storm. Finishing run is good times, and Raven gets a low blow and goes for the EVENFLOW, but Harris pulls him down into a super tight cradle to win.
***

NEXT WEEK. JARRETT VS HARRIS IN A STEEL CAGE.