Happy-ah new year! It's again time for-ah New Years resolutions. You American's always-ah resolve to-ah lose weight. P-ahlease!! Dee only time-ah you break-ah sweat is-ah when you are biting into your-ah Big Macs from-ah McDonalds. NOM NOM NOM NOM! But-ah don't worry chubby, dat supersize Diet Coke is-ah sure to wash away da guilt-ah. As for-ah my New Years Resolution, I will-ah institute Operation: Sizzle and-ah Chizzle. I will-ah whip my already impressive physique into-ah more incredible shape. In just a few shirts monts-ah, Santino will-ah be required to visit dee veterinarian. Why dee veterinarian you ask? Because-ah deese pythons will-ah be SICK!
Now dat-ah Baptista is-ah injured someone-ah needs to-ah demand a rematch! So who-ah better for a rematch dan-ah dee man who was-ah robbed of-ah dee Intercontinental Champeeyoneship....SANTINO MARELLA!!! So to dat flabby Earl-ah Grey teabag-ah loving Will I Am Regal, watch-ah your back. Because after-ah dat emo loser CM-ah Punk is-ah done wit you, I'll-ah be ready. In-ah dee words of-ah J.R., I will-ah whip you like-ah government animal of-ah some kind. Oh yes! It will-ah be a real-ah knobber slocker!
Now! On to-ah dee chit-chat. What-ah did you get for-ah dee Christmas? I was-ah very delighted to see dat-ah Santy Clause left a gift for-ah Santino, but was-ah very displeased to open it and-ah find.....the 3-disc History of-ah dee Intercontinental Champeeyoneship D-ahVD (available now on WWEshop.com). BAH HAMBURGER!! How can-ah dis D-ahVD be made witout-ah featuring dee greatest Intercontinental Champeeyonay of-ah all time-ah!?!?!?! I would have-ah much rather prefered a lump of-ah Michael Cole.
So-ah did everyone-ah see dee nude-ah pictures of-ah Vickie Guerrero? Ugh-ah! Dats-ah nastier dan-ah Snitsky's teeth. You know, Snitsky was-ah fired becuase of-ah dee WWE's new-ah dental policy. We have-ah teeth tests before every show. Nick Foley left-ah dee company before dey could get to him to go to Total-ah Action Non-stoppers where dey have-ah no dental policy (or craziness policy since-ah dey have Scott Frankensteiner). Anyways, how-ah could-ah dee Edge love-ah dat disgusting-ah woman. She does have-ah something in-ah common wit-ah Rodney dee Piper (listen up Hotrod's-ah Lady!!!)....dey are both old-ah, fat-ah, and wear skirts-ah! Now, as Santino Marella, I always have-ah beautiful women-ah flocking around me. But I am a man of-ah morals and practice-ah monogomy. So-ah my lady of choice is-ah dee Glamazon....Beth Phoenix. While-ah I'm sure dee Edge has a cold-ah and frigid time-ah in dee bed, noting is-ah further from-ah dee truth for....Santino Marella! I-ah wore out-ah Maria like a pair of-ah cheap Italiano snow boots. I feel-ah sorry for-ah who gets her next-ah! Dey will feel-ah notting at all! (She wasn't-ah dat good-ah anyway)! But-ah dee Glamazon...WHOA! She is-ah dee meaning in my life-ah! Dee extra mozzarella sprinkle on-ah my chicken Parmasean! And in-ah bed? Santino likes-ah dee Glamazon to be-ah naughty! Dee biting, dee hair-tugging, dee belly-button tickling. Oh, just-ah thinking about-ah dee naughtiness gets-ah Santino's blood-boiling like a pot of-ah fresh marinara sauce!
Christian in-ah dee Cage is-ah predicted to return to-ah dee WWE soon. Great another fellow...I mean-ah damn Canadian in dee WWE! When will-ah dey stop?
Can you believe-ah dee fighting in Israel and-ah dee Gaza strip? Dey really need to calm-ah down. Santino's solution? Let's all-ah go out and-ah have a slice and-ah some gelato, eh? Sounds-ah like a good idea to Santino. Den maybe dey will-ah stop trying to-ah start World-ah War 3.
Well-ah, dats all-ah dee time I have for you ow-ah, you fat, broke, losers! So, until next time....arivaderci!
Now dat-ah Baptista is-ah injured someone-ah needs to-ah demand a rematch! So who-ah better for a rematch dan-ah dee man who was-ah robbed of-ah dee Intercontinental Champeeyoneship....SANTINO MARELLA!!! So to dat flabby Earl-ah Grey teabag-ah loving Will I Am Regal, watch-ah your back. Because after-ah dat emo loser CM-ah Punk is-ah done wit you, I'll-ah be ready. In-ah dee words of-ah J.R., I will-ah whip you like-ah government animal of-ah some kind. Oh yes! It will-ah be a real-ah knobber slocker!
Now! On to-ah dee chit-chat. What-ah did you get for-ah dee Christmas? I was-ah very delighted to see dat-ah Santy Clause left a gift for-ah Santino, but was-ah very displeased to open it and-ah find.....the 3-disc History of-ah dee Intercontinental Champeeyoneship D-ahVD (available now on WWEshop.com). BAH HAMBURGER!! How can-ah dis D-ahVD be made witout-ah featuring dee greatest Intercontinental Champeeyonay of-ah all time-ah!?!?!?! I would have-ah much rather prefered a lump of-ah Michael Cole.
So-ah did everyone-ah see dee nude-ah pictures of-ah Vickie Guerrero? Ugh-ah! Dats-ah nastier dan-ah Snitsky's teeth. You know, Snitsky was-ah fired becuase of-ah dee WWE's new-ah dental policy. We have-ah teeth tests before every show. Nick Foley left-ah dee company before dey could get to him to go to Total-ah Action Non-stoppers where dey have-ah no dental policy (or craziness policy since-ah dey have Scott Frankensteiner). Anyways, how-ah could-ah dee Edge love-ah dat disgusting-ah woman. She does have-ah something in-ah common wit-ah Rodney dee Piper (listen up Hotrod's-ah Lady!!!)....dey are both old-ah, fat-ah, and wear skirts-ah! Now, as Santino Marella, I always have-ah beautiful women-ah flocking around me. But I am a man of-ah morals and practice-ah monogomy. So-ah my lady of choice is-ah dee Glamazon....Beth Phoenix. While-ah I'm sure dee Edge has a cold-ah and frigid time-ah in dee bed, noting is-ah further from-ah dee truth for....Santino Marella! I-ah wore out-ah Maria like a pair of-ah cheap Italiano snow boots. I feel-ah sorry for-ah who gets her next-ah! Dey will feel-ah notting at all! (She wasn't-ah dat good-ah anyway)! But-ah dee Glamazon...WHOA! She is-ah dee meaning in my life-ah! Dee extra mozzarella sprinkle on-ah my chicken Parmasean! And in-ah bed? Santino likes-ah dee Glamazon to be-ah naughty! Dee biting, dee hair-tugging, dee belly-button tickling. Oh, just-ah thinking about-ah dee naughtiness gets-ah Santino's blood-boiling like a pot of-ah fresh marinara sauce!
Christian in-ah dee Cage is-ah predicted to return to-ah dee WWE soon. Great another fellow...I mean-ah damn Canadian in dee WWE! When will-ah dey stop?
Can you believe-ah dee fighting in Israel and-ah dee Gaza strip? Dey really need to calm-ah down. Santino's solution? Let's all-ah go out and-ah have a slice and-ah some gelato, eh? Sounds-ah like a good idea to Santino. Den maybe dey will-ah stop trying to-ah start World-ah War 3.
Well-ah, dats all-ah dee time I have for you ow-ah, you fat, broke, losers! So, until next time....arivaderci!
