Here's some weird stories a friend emailled to me. I dont know where he found them, but I think they're great!
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Darting around my small one bedroom apartment in Kangaroo Point, I find my deoderant can stashed away under some clothes under my bed. I spray wildly, trying to cover up the odour that is two packets of McNuggets racing through my system. A knock at the door, I turn and make my way to the kitchen, and open the door. Matthew. I cracked a wise-ass dick joke as he entered, and to a chuckle made my way to the computer desk, grabbed my wallet, phone and keys. Dumping a bag with what I believed to be spare clothes, he finally caught onto my dick joke and laughed. No fucking time, dickweed - we have to go! I pushed Matthew [as politely as I could manage] out the front door, and down the small set of steps as I closed up my house, notifying him the bus we needed to catch was leaving in a few [minutes, duh!].
Today really was a great day, although we didnt know how great this day would be, until a little later on...
Whilst on the bus, during our usual immature and illogical conversation, the topic of the "Molestation Force" arose [heh, that's not the only thing that arose on the bus!] and we once again on the topic of little children, 'Jo-hos' and kickin' ass [In a similar fasion Matthew is on a fat-cake: all up in it's grill!]. The bus pulled up at the stop, and giving a friendly gesture to the bus driver [thanking him ... THANKING him], we stepped onto the pavement and stood in front of what could only be labelled as The Myer Centre [well, it would seem bloody illogical to rename a current place for the sake of a story based on actual people/places...]. Matthew turned to me, with a smile on his face [similar to the one he gets when he sees a Jo-ho down the street...]
I knew what the fucktard was thinkin, 'thats the smile you get when you see a Jo-ho'. I began on my way up the escalators to [Heaven!?] the cinemas, freezing in time as it delivered us to what was ... HOLY SWEET MOTHER OF FUCK! A line up, as far as the eye could see [which wasn't that far, since people in the line blocked a majority of my eye sight]. Dickface and I looked at each other, and with the click of our fingers [Mental Trevor!] we took a step away from each other, and turned towards the other. Raising my voice high above my inside voice [which is only 12db, since my recent accident] I yelled "MOLESTATION FORCE ... ASSEMBLE!!!", and we threw clenched fists at eachother, metting in the middle. With a sudden, strong gust of wind, and a flashing bright light; we had successfully done what was originally a stupid idea, created by boredom. The flash of white light, blinding a nearby teenage punk, caused him to step into an elderly lady, and pushed her down two flights of stairs. We looked at eachother, the sense of power overwhelming; and started to "make our own line!". Cracking skulls and kicking crotches; Nick and I made our way to the front of the line, finally breaking a happy couples' necks as we stepped up to the counter. The young man behind the counter handed us what we wanted happily, and before we could pay he handed us a handful of money and yelled in a high pitched voice "DON'T KILL ME!".
I looked at Shitface and laughed, as we made our ways into the cinemas, ready to enjoy an exciting cinematic adventure entitled "McBoosum's Amazing and Sexy Adventure in Naked Land 2!"
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What yall think, I spose you need a particular stupid sense of humour for these stories...
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Darting around my small one bedroom apartment in Kangaroo Point, I find my deoderant can stashed away under some clothes under my bed. I spray wildly, trying to cover up the odour that is two packets of McNuggets racing through my system. A knock at the door, I turn and make my way to the kitchen, and open the door. Matthew. I cracked a wise-ass dick joke as he entered, and to a chuckle made my way to the computer desk, grabbed my wallet, phone and keys. Dumping a bag with what I believed to be spare clothes, he finally caught onto my dick joke and laughed. No fucking time, dickweed - we have to go! I pushed Matthew [as politely as I could manage] out the front door, and down the small set of steps as I closed up my house, notifying him the bus we needed to catch was leaving in a few [minutes, duh!].
Today really was a great day, although we didnt know how great this day would be, until a little later on...
Whilst on the bus, during our usual immature and illogical conversation, the topic of the "Molestation Force" arose [heh, that's not the only thing that arose on the bus!] and we once again on the topic of little children, 'Jo-hos' and kickin' ass [In a similar fasion Matthew is on a fat-cake: all up in it's grill!]. The bus pulled up at the stop, and giving a friendly gesture to the bus driver [thanking him ... THANKING him], we stepped onto the pavement and stood in front of what could only be labelled as The Myer Centre [well, it would seem bloody illogical to rename a current place for the sake of a story based on actual people/places...]. Matthew turned to me, with a smile on his face [similar to the one he gets when he sees a Jo-ho down the street...]
I knew what the fucktard was thinkin, 'thats the smile you get when you see a Jo-ho'. I began on my way up the escalators to [Heaven!?] the cinemas, freezing in time as it delivered us to what was ... HOLY SWEET MOTHER OF FUCK! A line up, as far as the eye could see [which wasn't that far, since people in the line blocked a majority of my eye sight]. Dickface and I looked at each other, and with the click of our fingers [Mental Trevor!] we took a step away from each other, and turned towards the other. Raising my voice high above my inside voice [which is only 12db, since my recent accident] I yelled "MOLESTATION FORCE ... ASSEMBLE!!!", and we threw clenched fists at eachother, metting in the middle. With a sudden, strong gust of wind, and a flashing bright light; we had successfully done what was originally a stupid idea, created by boredom. The flash of white light, blinding a nearby teenage punk, caused him to step into an elderly lady, and pushed her down two flights of stairs. We looked at eachother, the sense of power overwhelming; and started to "make our own line!". Cracking skulls and kicking crotches; Nick and I made our way to the front of the line, finally breaking a happy couples' necks as we stepped up to the counter. The young man behind the counter handed us what we wanted happily, and before we could pay he handed us a handful of money and yelled in a high pitched voice "DON'T KILL ME!".
I looked at Shitface and laughed, as we made our ways into the cinemas, ready to enjoy an exciting cinematic adventure entitled "McBoosum's Amazing and Sexy Adventure in Naked Land 2!"
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What yall think, I spose you need a particular stupid sense of humour for these stories...
