The Rated R CMStar
Guest
Dr. Leviathan: Hello Paul. It’s nice to meet you. Will you excuse me for a second Paul? I have to talk to your attorney real quick-like.
My dear friend Harold... Get over here Harold! Listen, I have to ask, why didn’t you just call me in as a witness for the defense? I don’t know shit about law and I know even less about trial law. Hell, you’ve named me co-council for the defense six days into the trial. I don’t even know what’s happening.
Harold Lutz: I’m sorry Levy. I know McMahons have money. I did it for the money. Don’t look at me that way; I’m just an attorney. I thought I could watch a few wrestling shows and know how to defend Paul against this onslaught. I couldn’t call you in as a witness because I wouldn’t know what to say to you. I don’t know the questions, Levy! That’s why you are here. You can make the argument for the defense for me.
Dr. Leviathan:What are the charges?
Harold Lutz: Paul is charged with killing off World Wrestling Entertainment single-handedly, fraudulent possession of his main-event status, disgracing the ring with his promos and his wrestling style, and using his backstage power to subvert and damage the wrestling careers of other wrestlers.
Dr. Leviathan:You suck Harold. You really do. I didn’t even know if I’d agree to defend Paul as I pulled into the parking lot this morning. I thought I’d come in, check it out, see if you could handle it yourself, and be on my merry way. Obviously, Paul is going to burn without me. Eighty/twenty.
Harold Lutz: You get twenty percent and I get eighty? Deal.
Dr. Leviathan: No Harold. I get the eighty.
Harold Lutz: No way! Fifty/fifty...like old times.
Dr. Leviathan: You didn’t screw up this bad back then and I drive an Oldsmobubble.
Harold Lutz: Okay. You can have a seventy-five percent cut of McMahon money – if you win. If you lose, you get nothing.
Dr. Leviathan: These are the old times I remember. Sure. So, where are we at here and who's that guy?
Harold Lutz: That's J.J. Jobynski. He's representing the people. He's the prosecutor.
J.J. has been calling witnesses and asking the same questions over and over again. They plan on doing this about five-thousand more times before the case is over. I’m not shitting you.
Dr. Leviathan: I can’t be stuck here for five thousand witnesses! I have a practice to run. Are the witnesses saying the same things?
Harold Lutz: Yeah, they all hate Triple H. I’ve never seen anything like it. Some think he’s in league with Satan. Others are saying he’s an Al-Qaeda operative plotting to overthrow their favorite sport. What the hell did my client do?
Dr. Leviathan: Depends on who you ask. I still can’t believe you got the court to accept me as co-council. So, how do I do this Harold?
Harold Lutz: Ask questions. Make an argument.
Dr. Leviathan: You suck Harold. Shit! Here comes the bailiff.
Bailiff: ALL RISE
Judge Monty Pilate: You may be seated. Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, before we begin day seven of The People vs. Triple H, I’d like you to take notice of a newcomer to our proceedings, Dr. Leviathan. Please stand son.
Dr. Leviathan: Yes sir.
Judge Monty Pilate: Now, Dr. Leviathan is a practicing wrestling psychologist. He is now co-council for the defense. He is not a defense attorney, nor is he licensed to practice law. His purpose here is to make an argument for the defense and nothing more. I warn you now Doctor; even though the court is making an exception for your presence here, I expect you to produce valid arguments and solid questions for witnesses. I’ll be watching you closely. Are we clear?
Dr. Leviathan: Yes, your honor.
Judge Monty Pilate: The prosecution may call its next witness.
J. J. Jobynski: Yes your honor. The prosecution calls John Smark to the stand.
Bailiff: Raise your right hand. Do you, John Smark, swear to tell the truth, the whole truth, so help you God?
John Smark: I do.
J. J. Jobynski: Mr. Smark, tell us how long you’ve been a fan of wrestling.
John Smark: I’ve been watching since 1998.
J. J. Jobynski: Have you ever missed a WWE televised show or pay-per-view?
John Smark: No I have not.
J. J. Jobynski: So, you recognize the defendant?
John Smark: That’s Triple H.
J. J. Jobynski: Tell the court why this man deserves to be a ten-time heavyweight champion?
John Smark: He doesn’t deserve to be anything. He’s a McMahon now. The only reason Triple H is on top is because he’s married to Vince’s daughter.
J. J. Jobynski: Being married to the McMahons sounds like a sweet deal.
Harold Lutz: Levy, aren’t you going to object?
Dr. Leviathan: Nope.
Harold Lutz: Why not?
Dr. Leviathan: Shhhh! Let me hear what he has to say.
John Smark: Very sweet indeed. He can be or do whatever he wants in WWE now that he’s a part of the family.
Triple H: That’s a load a crap!
Judge Monty Pilate: Order! Mr. Lutz. Please advise your client on court procedure and etiquette.
Harold Lutz: Yes, your honor.
J. J. Jobynski: Do you feel that he’s ruining WWE?
John Smark: Yes I do.
J. J. Jobynski: Mr. Smark, please tell the court why you feel the way you do.
John Smark: I watched this man single handedly destroy the careers of several of my favorite superstars. He squashed RVD and made Kane look like a little boy instead of a monster. Steiner didn’t even have a chance when he faced Triple H in the ring. Booker T, a former five-time WCW champion, lost all credibility because of Triple H rolling right over him. He trampled Kevin Nash. He even made Goldberg look weak, even though Goldberg carried the World Heavyweight Title for a whole two months. Hunter ruined their careers.
J. J. Jobynski: He refuses to put other talents over. Am I correct in assuming that the defendant enjoys the spotlight - that the only person he puts over is himself?
Dr. Leviathan: I object your honor. Is that right Harold? How can Smarky Mark and the Funky Bunch know the mind of Paul Levesque?
Judge Monty Pilate: Sustained. The prosecution must rephrase the question or drop it entirely. Strike the last queries of the prosecution please; and you, Doctor, do not incite the witness by calling him names.
J. J. Jobynski: Let me again state that the defendant refuses to put other talents over. Do you Mr. Smark, a wrestling fan of seven years, feel that the defendant Triple H enjoys the spotlight and refuses to share that spotlight with talents more worthy of the top spots in the company?
John Smark: I most certainly do. I believe he’s obsessed with being the top guy. Maybe he thinks nobody else can do it better than he does.
J. J. Jobynski: Why does Paul Levesque have the power to bury the careers of more deserving talents?
John Smark: He’s a McMahon.
J. J. Jobynski: I know, Mr. Smark; but isn’t there something else – something more specific?
John Smark: Well, his wife is Stephanie McMahon and she’s head of creative. You don’t think Triple H has backstage power? You don’t think he’s in her ear at all times? He’s even sitting in on creative meetings. He controls the fate of World Wrestling Entertainment.
Judge Monty Pilate: One second please. Mr. Lutz, your client simply must refrain from growling during these proceedings. I can’t concentrate.
Harold Lutz: Yes, your honor. I will take care of it.
J. J. Jobynski: Are you telling me that a wrestler controls the fates of not only other careers, but his own as well – that Triple H, a ten-time world champion, can choose when a talent rises or falls in the company? Are you telling me that Triple H has the backstage influence to keep the World Heavyweight Title around his waist for as long as he wants it?
John Smark: He’s too involved and has too much power. Wrestlers should wrestle, not shape the fate of the company by anything other than their onscreen and in-ring personas. Triple H can do whatever he wants. Vince loves him.
J. J. Jobynski: The defendant has inserted his ideology into the creative of WWE – the same creative that his wife, Stephanie McMahon, is the head of. He’s too involved. He wields too much power backstage. Vince McMahon loves his son-in-law. Tell me, Mr. Smark, what kind of wrestler is the defendant?
John Smark: I can’t stand him. He’s lazy in the ring.
Judge Monty Pilate: Sorry for the interruptions, but is the defendant healthy? I can hear his breathing over here. Does he require medical attention, Mr. Lutz?
Harold Lutz: No, your honor. He’s just breathing angry-like. Paul is upset.
Judge Monty Pilate: Well, advise your client to refrain from breathing like that. It’s rather unnerving.
Harold Lutz: Yes, your honor. I’m doing my best over here.
Judge Monty Pilate: I suggest you do better. You may continue Mr. Jobynski.
J. J. Jobynski: Mr. Smark, you just stated that the defendant is lazy in the ring. Can you give me some examples?
John Smark: He was awful in the ring against all of the talents I mentioned earlier. He ruined their careers by not only refusing to put them over, but also by stinking up the ring while wrestling them. He’s one of the worst...
Harold Lutz: Are you going to let them continue like this?
Dr. Leviathan: Yeah. Will you shut up?
Harold Lutz: You do notice the jury nodding in agreement right? Hell, I’m starting to nod and I don’t even watch wrestling.
Dr. Leviathan: Quiet Lutz. Everything is going to be fine. Just calm Paul down. His face is all red and he’s shaking. That’s not good. He didn’t bring a sledgehammer did he?
Harold Lutz: No.
John Smark:...and he sucks.
J. J. Jobynski: I cannot believe what you are telling me; as a fan of seven years – a fan who’s never missed a single show, that you are telling me that the defendant, Paul Levesque a.k.a. Triple H, is one of the worst in-ring talents you’ve ever seen?
John Smark: Yes sir I am.
J. J. Jobynski: How about his promo ability?
John Smark: He’s been saying the same things for the last five or so years. His promos run from commercial break to commercial break. A Triple H promo is considered by many to be a piss break. I’m not sorry if that offends anyone. It’s the truth.
J. J. Jobynski: For the record please. Answer with a yes or no to my following questions. Understood?
John Smark: Yes.
J. J. Jobynski: Does Triple H deserve to be where he’s at with WWE?
John Smark: No.
J. J. Jobynski: Is the fact that he’s married to Stephanie McMahon the reason for Triple H’s dominance of the main-event scene?
John Smark: Yes.
J. J. Jobynski: Should a wrestler be involved in creative meetings?
John Smark: No.
J. J. Jobynski: Is Triple H involved in creative meetings?
John Smark: Yes.
J. J. Jobynski: Does Triple H bury the careers of more deserving talents?
John Smark: Yes.
J. J. Jobynski: Is Triple H a quality talent in the ring?
John Smark: No.
J. J. Jobynski: Is Triple H a quality mic worker?
John Smark: No.
J. J. Jobynski: Is it safe to say that Triple H is ruining WWE?
John Smark: Yes.
J. J. Jobynski: Thank you Mr. Smark. I have no further questions at this time your honor. The prosecution rests.
Judge Monty Pilate: Your witness, council.
Dr. Leviathan: Where to begin Mr. Smark? Where to begin?
Dr. Leviathan: I think I’ll begin with this; that’s the biggest pile of dog crap I’ve ever heard!
J. J. Jobynski: Objection!
Judge Monty Pilate: Sustained. Dr. Leviathan, this court isn’t interested in opinions such as that. Do it again and I will find you in contempt of court.
Dr. Leviathan: Yes your honor. My apologies to the court.
Judge Monty Pilate: Don’t let it happen again.
Dr. Leviathan: McMahons. You believe that Triple H is on top of the WWE world because of McMahons, right Mr. Smark?
John Smark: That’s right. He...
Dr. Leviathan: Just answer my questions and nothing more please.
John Smark: Sorry.
Dr. Leviathan: In your testimony to the prosecution, you more or less cited Paul Levesque’s union with Stephanie McMahon as the reason he’s the constant main-eventer that he is. Is that a true understanding of your opinion?
John Smark: Yes it is.
Dr. Leviathan: Will Stephanie McMahon please stand up and show the court just how fine she really is? Paul, no offense buddy, but the things I would do to your wife if given the chance! Take a look at her John. Puts a wiggler in your trousers doesn’t she?
John Smark: I uh...well...uhhh.
J. J. Jobynski: Objection your honor!
Judge Monty Pilate: Overruled, for now. Where are you going with this Doctor?
Dr. Leviathan: If I can get an honest answer out of the witness, you’ll see. Well, Mr. Smark, does she do it for you?
John Smark: She’s, uhh pretty.
Dr. Leviathan: She’s, uhhh pretty...You’ve got to be kidding me. Tell me you wouldn’t like to bend her over this here bench and bang her senseless.
John Smark: Well, uhhh yeah. I mean, she’s...
Dr. Leviathan: So, you see a reason for Paul Levesque wanting this woman for a wife; I mean, besides the fact that she’s wrestling born and bred and most people could easily see the connection between Paul and Stephanie while blindfolded?
John Smark: Sure, but he screwed Chyna too!
Triple H: Hey jerk-off, how many Playboy centerfolds have you bagged?
Judge Monty Pilate: MR. LEVESQUE!
Triple H: I am “The Game” I don’t have to sit here and take crap from this dick-weed.
Judge Monty Pilate: Order! Order in the court! You do as I tell you in my courtroom, Mr. Game. Sit your hulked-up ass down.
Triple H: This is bullshit.
Judge Monty Pilate: Mr. Lutz, keep your client in line or I will have him removed from this courtroom and locked up behind bars.
Harold Lutz: Sit down Paul. The judge is serious, so keep your mouth shut for your own good. Don’t growl at me either. I’m your attorney and it scares the shit out of me.
Dr. Leviathan: You may sit down Stephanie. Thank you. Mr. Smark, wouldn’t you want a hot woman like Stephanie sharing your bed as well as your interests in life?
John Smark: Yes. I guess I would.
J. J. Jobynski: Objection! What does this have to do with anything?
Dr. Leviathan: The prosecution believes that Triple H is the devastator of WWE and the reason behind this fictional rampage is Stephanie McMahon. I am leading up to something your honor.
Judge Monty Pilate: Let’s hope so. Overruled.
Dr. Leviathan: When did Stephanie and Paul start dating, Mr. Smark?
John Smark: I think late 2000 early 2001.
Dr. Leviathan: Very good, Mr. Smark. I’m impressed. Do you know when he began his career?
John Smark: No. I’m sorry, I don’t.
Dr. Leviathan: He began his career with trainer “Killer” Kowalski’s IWF in March of 1992 with the not so killer name, Terra Ryzing. After about a year with IWF, the future husband of Vince’s baby girl joined with WCW for a year, entering with the Terra Ryzing heel gimmick and leaving as the snooty French-accented Jean-Paul Levesque character. Paul signed with WWF in the spring of 1995 and became Hunter Hearst Helmsley, a snobbish heel character. He’s been with the company ever since.
John Smark: I didn’t know all that.
Dr. Leviathan: That’s right John; Triple H wrestled for seven full years before Stephanie and Paul Levesque ever became an item and you maintain that he doesn’t deserve to be where he’s at today.
John Smark: He doesn’t. I hate him. He sucks.
Dr. Leviathan: I told you earlier to answer my questions only; but I think you and I are just going to have a wrestling talk. However, do not interrupt me. Fair enough?
John Smark: Okay.
Dr. Leviathan: Did you know that when Paul Levesque wrestled as Hunter Hearst Helmsley and later, as Triple H - that he won the European Title twice, won the Intercontinental Title twice, won the King of the Ring tournament in 1997, and carried the WWF Title four times all before the latter quarter of 2000? His feuds during this period were with the likes of Mankind, Owen Hart, Goldust, “The Rock”, and “Stone Cold” Steve Austin. He accomplished all of this before he ever pinned Stephanie McMahon and you still say he doesn’t deserve his top spot in the company?
John Smark: What can I say? He’s always been Vince McMahon’s boy.
Dr. Leviathan: That’s just not true. Have you ever heard of the “Clique”?
John Smark: You mean the NWO?
Dr. Leviathan: No. Am I correct in assuming that you have no idea of what “The Clique Curtain Call” is all about?
John Smark: I guess not.
Dr. Leviathan: Your honor, if it pleases the court, I’d like to talk about this group and this incident for a few minutes. The knowledge refutes the testimony offered by the witness.
Judge Monty Pilate: How so?
Dr. Leviathan: Vince McMahon and Paul Levesque weren’t always on the best of terms.
Judge Monty Pilate: I’ll allow it. Please continue Doctor.
Dr. Leviathan: “The Clique” is and always will be: Kevin Nash (Diesel), Scott Hall (Razor Ramon), Paul Levesque (Hunter Hearst Helmsley/ Triple H), Sean Waltman (1-2-3 Kid/ X-Pac), and Shawn Michaels (HBK). Sean Waltman doesn’t figure into this particular story. The group wasn’t an on-screen stable. They were a group of friends that the wrestling writers dubbed “The Clique”. The wrestling writers suspected the group of backstage politicking. All men deny any wrong doing, but it is well known that Shawn Michaels, Nash, Hall, and Triple H have always seemed to be at or near the top of the companies they worked for and that they have all had considerable stroke with management. In the case of the “Curtain Call”, Levesque seems to have had no stroke at all.
In May of 1996, Scott Hall and Kevin Nash were set to depart for WCW. Their last matches with the WWF took place in Madison Square Garden and on that night, Razor Ramon lost to Hunter Hearst Helmsley and HBK defeated Diesel inside a steel cage. No big deal, but afterwards, Ramon and Helmsley walked on down to the ring. They stepped into the ring with Diesel and HBK and there, instead of getting into a raucous tumble with each other, the four men hugged, then stood together in the middle of the ring with their hands raised together in a fitting tribute for the soon departed.
While that may not seem like cause for a massive career shift to the wrestling fans of today, back then, things were different. Wrestling was “real”. There was no talk of wrestling being an entertainment industry. Four men embracing in the squared circle after hating and mauling each other earlier in the evening was seen as a big “fuck you” to wrestling itself. The Clique broke kayfabe and that was like breaking one of wrestling’s ten commandments at the time.
After some convincing by backstage personnel, Vince decided to punish Paul Levesque for the incident. Vince never touched the only other remaining member of “The Clique”, Shawn Michaels. He couldn’t really. The WWF’s investment in Shawn was far to great by this point in time. Michaels not only had back to back Royal Rumble victories to his credit (1995 and 1996), but he had just beaten Bret Hart for the WWF Title at Wrestlemania XII in March – two months prior to the infamous “Clique” breaking of kayfabe.
The punishment for the future “Game” was severe. Not only did he lose his planned King of the Ring victory, but Vince yanked him from the 1996 KOTR card entirely. “Stone Cold” Steve Austin stepped in to take Paul’s place as the WWF’s future star and planned winner of the 96 King of the Ring. Vince continued the Paul Levesque slaughter by removing him from PPV’s for four months following his May 26th loss to Marc Mero at In Your House 8. Unlike his first year filled with victories, Hunter Hearst Helmsley’s second year with WWF sufficiently stocked his loss column.
Vince didn’t always take care of his future son-in-law. In fact, he nearly ruined his entire career. While I know that I’m not really supposed to offer an opinion in a courtroom, I must say that I can’t imagine Vince and Paul being the best of friends in 1996.
Well, what do you think John Smark?
John Smark: That was then and this is now.
Dr. Leviathan: You must really hate him.
John Smark: I do. The guy is a fucking asshole! Triple H is ruining the WWE! He’s fucking everything and everybody up backstage and he has too much power. What is he doing sitting in on creative meetings? He’s supposed to be a wrestler. Screw Triple H.
Judge Monty Pilate: The court advises the witness to calm down and refrain from using vulgar language. I can have you locked up Mr. Smark. You don’t even want to know what they would do to your 125 pounds of man-meat in prison. You’ve been warned. Don’t even say a thing Mr. Smark. Please continue Doctor.
Dr. Leviathan: If Paul Levesque has all this incredible pull backstage, why do Kevin Nash, Scott Hall, and Sean Waltman wrestle elsewhere, if at all? Let me finish Mr. Smark. Not even the mighty “Game” can keep the “Clique” together in WWE - where he knows they’d make more money. I’m certain that he would love to have his friends around him. Why aren’t they by his side? These guys are either too old or too fucked up – sorry your honor, to work for WWE and obviously, someone else is still calling the shots for WWE. Paul Levesque doesn’t have the stroke many claim he has.
John Smark: That may be true; but he’s still mucking things up backstage.
Judge Monty Pilate: John?
John Smark: What? I was good! I don’t want to go to jail. I said mucking!
Dr. Leviathan: Your honor, I’d like to enter an interview by Phil Speer of WWE.Com into the record. This is defense exhibit number... Harold?
Harold Lutz: A.
Dr. Leviathan: You're such a queef, Harold. This is defense exhibit “A” your honor. I’d like to read it for the benefit of the court if that is acceptable.
Judge Monty Pilate: I’ll allow the evidence.
Dr. Leviathan: I hold in my hand a printout of an interview Triple H gave Phil Speer mid-2002. These are Paul Levesque’s own words concerning the opposition he’s received since involving himself with the WWE creative process.
Written by Phil Speer for WWE.com.
Triple H: “If people want to think that I’m ‘office’ … hey listen, I’m one of the boys (wrestlers),” he said. “But I disagree with the ‘it’s-the-boys-against-the-office’ theory in this business. We all have one goal in this company, and that is to make these shows the best shows they possibly can be so the most people in the world watch them, so we all make a s***load of money. That’s how it works. That’s how we make the product good, and that’s writers, that’s office and that’s talent. That’s every single person who works for this company, and we all work together.
“I was asked to be here. I didn’t say, ‘Hey, I’m going to come to TV and just hang out until somebody finds something for me to do.’ They need the help, so I come and help. Just because my elbow’s hurt, doesn’t mean I can’t help out. If guys think that’s being ‘office,’ maybe they should look at that as f***ing work ethic. If guys would put more into the product than just saying, ‘Hey, it’s not my job to come up with ideas. I’m not a writer. I’m just talent.’ Well, you know what, you’re just a talent who don’t give a s***, so you’ll be a talent at the bottom of the card.”
Dr. Leviathan: Sounds to me like Paul Levesque has a passion for the business. What do you think John Smark?
John Smark: Just because he has a passion for the business doesn’t give him the right to obliterate the careers of great wrestlers. He’s holding people down. He’s burying the careers of more deserving talents. Triple H is the Glass Ceiling of WWE!
Dr. Leviathan: Do you ignore Triple H aiding Shawn Michaels in looking fantastic in every classic match they’ve been in, elevating Chris Benoit to the top of the company by dropping the belt to him, giving Shelton Benjamin a great rub by jobbing to him repeatedly, and being an integral part of the Batista push that culminated in Triple H losing his belt to Batista at Wrestlemania 21? I could go on with names like Foley, Austin, and The Rock and the positives that Triple H offered their careers if you’d like.
John Smark: It doesn’t matter. He didn’t do anything for the talents I mentioned in my testimony to the prosecution. Triple H is also the reason Randy Orton’s career is in peril. He squashed Orton after Orton had held the World Heavyweight Title for only one month. Triple H couldn’t let go of the title for one fuh-reaking month. Not only did he refuse to lose to most of them, he refused to put on quality matches with them.
Dr. Leviathan: Besides Orton, you seem to have most of your problem with two years of Triple H’s ten year career with WWE. Everyone you keep mentioning lost to the game from around the middle of 2002 up until the end of 2003. Am I correct in saying that you hated “The Game” the most during 2002 and 2003?
John Smark: I suppose you could say that; but I always despise him. Yes, his ring work was at its rottenest during those years.
Dr. Leviathan: I’ll get back to your claim that Triple H was rotten in the ring in 2002 and 2003. First, I’d like to talk about these “amazing” talents you keep blabbering about.
You can make a case for RVD (never won), Kane (needed to win), and perhaps even Booker T (it would have been nice). Well they didn’t and I don’t believe Triple H is to blame for their misfortunes.
Many of the powers behind the WWE curtain feel that RVD is never going to be ready for the big time. Kane was still a masked man when they granted him the title shot in 2002. Vince has always said he doesn’t like a masked wrestler to be the champ. Booker T doesn’t seem to have Mr. McMahon on his side since joining WWE. He never seems to get the push he needs and while he’s over with the crowd, he’s not as over as he needs to be. Booker doesn’t even get the Title on Smackdown.
Steiner isn’t held in high regard as far as wrestling ability. He made many mistakes in the ring that veterans aren’t supposed to make while employed by WWE. Paul’s buddy, Kevin Nash didn’t have the build up to take the belt. Goldberg made it known that he was definitely leaving WWE at Wrestlemania XX. Why give the belt to a guy that is leaving for more than the two months he held it?
John Smark: I guess I see your point - with Goldberg. What about Orton?
J. J. Jobynski: Objection your honor! Objection! The witness is now asking questions of the defense. I can understand giving Dr. Leviathan some flexibility in presenting the defense due to his lack of law knowledge; but this has gone too far. What kind of trial are you running here? These two are talking like wrestling fans and ...Christ! Smark’s my witness!
Judge Monty Pilate: Sit down Mr. Jobynski! Overruled. I’m enjoying this. This court is interested in finding the truth of the matter – not the truth of one side or the other. Dr. Leviathan is making a valid argument and I will hear what both he and Mr. Smark have to say. Do not question my ability to run this court again.
J. J. Jobynski: Yes your honor.
Judge Monty Pilate: Continue Doctor.
Dr. Leviathan: Orton’s short title reign is a direct result of Randy Orton’s inability to get over with fans. They pulled the plug on him. Randy is Randy’s problem – not Paul Levesque’s.
J. J. Jobynski: The prosecution objects your honor. The council for the defense is offering opinion and leading the witness - not for the first time I might add.
Judge Monty Pilate: Overruled.
J. J. Jobynski: WHAT?
Judge Monty Pilate: I said overruled. Now sit down and shut up! Continue Doctor.
Dr. Leviathan: Have you changed your mind about Triple H, Mr. Smark?
John Smark: No. I sure as hell have not. I stand by my belief that Triple H purposely refused to be pinned and purposely refused to put on quality matches with the wrestlers in question.
Dr. Leviathan: You’re shaking Mr. Smark. Are you angry with me?
John Smark: No. Yes!
Dr. Leviathan: You don’t like it when someone thinks Triple H is a solid talent in and out of the ring, do you?
John Smark: Why would I?
Dr. Leviathan: Your honor, I’d like to present defense exhibit “B”. These are Paul Levesque’s medical records from 2002 and 2003. Here you go Jobber. I’m sure you’d like to read these too.
J. J. Jobynski: So, he was injured. What does this prove?
Dr. Leviathan: His injury report proves the tenacity and love for the business Triple H possesses. It also offers an explanation for the low quality matches he wrestled during 2002 and 2003. Here was a guy who just came back from major quad surgery in the beginning of 2002. The quad wasn’t 100 percent. It was gimpy. He wrestled anyways. It took him almost two years to regain his step and his wind in the ring.
Sometime between winning the Royal Rumble 2002 and Wrestlemania XVIII of that same year, Triple H fractured his kneecap. He still wrestled. He still experienced problems from his quad injury that put him on the shelf for eight months prior to his return in January of 2002.
He wrestled Undertaker at King of the Ring 2002 with a painful pocket of bone chips in his right elbow. Triple H could not straighten his arm and he still put on a pretty damned good match. He needed surgery the next month to fix the problem.
At Survivor Series the same year, RVD botched a Five Star Frog Splash targeting Triple H in the Elimination Chamber match. His knee landed across HHH’s throat – blocking fifty percent of Hunter’s air intake. What did Paul do? He finished the match.
In December of 2002, he wrestled Shawn Michaels in a grueling 2 out of 3 falls match at Armageddon with a large hematoma in his left quad. It wasn’t the kind of bruise you sit back and watch all the pretty color changes with. His bruise was something that has the chance of killing you by causing heart failure or stroke. Maybe I shouldn’t admire Levesque for his tenacity, but curse him for his stupidity.
During his match with Michaels at Armageddon, Triple H tore his right quad. While this injury was not as serious as the one that put him out of action for eight months, he still wrestled with the possibility that the kind of damage he suffered with his left quad could strike his right quad at anytime since it was already torn. It took many months to heal this while he continued to compete in the ring.
From December of 2002 thru July of 2003, Paul worked on getting healthy. In July of 2003, he ripped two muscles in his groin. He competed with these injuries in the Summerslam 2003 Elimination Chamber match.
That’s seven long lasting and tedious injuries within a nineteen-month period. Yes, “The Game” did suck, but I have to hand it to him for perseverance and balls. Many of us call off sick for small bugs and other minute things. He tried to work everyday in a dangerous sport with serious and career threatening injuries. At the very least, Triple H deserves our respect and gratitude for his incredible efforts to do his job.
That puts 2002 and 2003 in a different light, doesn’t it Mr. Smark?
John Smark: It does. Triple H still deserves to die. He’s guilty of everything the prosecution says he is!
Dr. Leviathan: You’re telling me that Triple H – who finished second in the 2000, 2001, and 2002 PWI Match of the Year voting is guilty of crimes against the people?
John Smark: You’re fuh fuh...damned right!
Dr. Leviathan: Did I mention that he won the PWI Match of the Year award for 2004 with his fantastic match against Benoit and Michaels at Wrestlemania 20. Hell, I can list some other great matches of his.
Mr. Smark, did you conveniently forget the Foley/ Triple H match at the Royal Rumble in 2000? Did you fall asleep during Foley/ Triple H at No Way Out that same year? How about the Austin/ Trips two out of three falls match at No Way Out 2001 that ended inside a steel cage? What about...
John Smark: It doesn’t matter. Nothing will change my mind. I can’t stand Triple H. What part of that don’t you understand?
Dr. Leviathan: I don’t need to understand. The jury does. Even though he was injured for most of 2002 and 2003, he still managed to have classic confrontations with Shawn Michaels at Summerslam 2002 and Armageddon 2003. His battle with Jericho inside a steel cage at Judgment Day 2002 is considered an awesome match by many fans. Are you blind?
John Smark: So he had a few good matches. I saw them. So what? He’s no Christian!
Dr. Leviathan: I’m not even going to bother with the cheesy Christian comment. Mr. Smark, the prosecution must make us believe, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that Paul Levesque is guilty of killing off World Wrestling Entertainment single-handedly, is in fraudulent possession of his main-event status, is disgracing the ring with his promos and his wrestling style, and is using his backstage power to subvert and damage the wrestling careers of other wrestlers. Paul Levesque has pleaded not guilty to all charges. I don’t think he’s guilty.
I think I’ve given the jurors a reasonable doubt or two. What about you Smark?
John Smark: ...
Dr. Leviathan: I think you are jealous and paranoid of Paul Levesque. I also think you’re delusional, you hateful little bastard.
Judge Monty Pilate: Order!
John Smark: You son-of-a-bitch!
J. J. Jobynski: You don’t have to answer John!
Dr. Leviathan: You probably blame Triple H for everything that’s wrong with your life. The truth is, Triple H didn’t ruin wrestling. You did! Why don’t you answer my question John?
Judge Monty Pilate: Order! Order, damn it!
Dr. Leviathan: John? Remember, heels make us hate them. That’s how they do their jobs. If you hate Triple H so damned much, he must be doing a kick-ass job of being the bad guy. C’mon John. Answer the question!
John Smark: Iuhhyeahuhh.
Dr. Leviathan: Can you clear that up for those of us on planet Earth please?
John Smark: I uhhhooohglah. I need a computer.
Dr. Leviathan: Don’t look it up on the Internet you sad little bastard! Answer me!
John Smark: Yes. Fine! I doubt. God damn you! I doubt. I still hate him. I hate you too. I hope you both burn in hell. I HOPE YOU DIE! BURN YOU FUCKERS! BURN!
Judge Monty Pilate: Order in the court. Order! Order damn it! Sit down, Mr. Smark. SIT DOWN!
John Smark: H-A-T-E... Y-O-U!!!!! TRIPLE H RUINED WRESTLING!
Judge Monty Pilate: ORDER! ORDER IN THE COURT! Bailiff, remove this thing from my sight.
John Smark: NOOOoooooo! I want to watch you BURN Hunter! BURN! Let me GO! I’ll kill you Leviathan!
Harold Lutz: Grab him! He’s coming after Levy!
Dr. Leviathan: Oh shit.
Judge Monty Pilate: Get some officers down here now!
J. J. Jobynski: That son-of-a-bitch bit me! Lutz, you grab him!
Harold Lutz: Well, I. He is, a. I. Please, stop Mr. Smark. Put down the chair and play nice. You really don’t mean tha-oooofughhh....
The Jury: Ooooohhhhhh.
Judge Monty Pilate: Ow, damn! Mr. Lutz? Are you okay? Can you hear me?
Harold Lutz: Guh-gah! I ghan see Stephahhhgashnie’s coohhblefugishgah...fraghem dowghen here.
Judge Monty Pilate: Get me paramedics up here, pronto! Get Lutz up off that dirty floor and stop his head from bleeding. DOCTOR! Look out!
The Jury: HO-LY-SHIT! HO-LY-SHIT! HO-LY-SHIT!
Judge Monty Pilate: I’ll be damned! That was awesome son. Where did you learn that?
Dr. Leviathan: World Wrestling Entertainment.
Triple H: Nice Pedigree through the table. Smark is boned. Nobody kicks out of that shit.
Dr. Leviathan: Thanks Paul. Your honor, how ‘bout we skip nearly five thousand witnesses for the prosecution’s pathetic case, skip the closing arguments, and hand this over to the jury right now?
Judge Monty Pilate: Well, J.J. Jobynski? What sayeth the people?
J. J. Jobynski: It’s all about the game and how you – yeah, sure, fine...whatever. I’m fucking bleeding here! Can someone help me?
My dear friend Harold... Get over here Harold! Listen, I have to ask, why didn’t you just call me in as a witness for the defense? I don’t know shit about law and I know even less about trial law. Hell, you’ve named me co-council for the defense six days into the trial. I don’t even know what’s happening.
Harold Lutz: I’m sorry Levy. I know McMahons have money. I did it for the money. Don’t look at me that way; I’m just an attorney. I thought I could watch a few wrestling shows and know how to defend Paul against this onslaught. I couldn’t call you in as a witness because I wouldn’t know what to say to you. I don’t know the questions, Levy! That’s why you are here. You can make the argument for the defense for me.
Dr. Leviathan:What are the charges?
Harold Lutz: Paul is charged with killing off World Wrestling Entertainment single-handedly, fraudulent possession of his main-event status, disgracing the ring with his promos and his wrestling style, and using his backstage power to subvert and damage the wrestling careers of other wrestlers.
Dr. Leviathan:You suck Harold. You really do. I didn’t even know if I’d agree to defend Paul as I pulled into the parking lot this morning. I thought I’d come in, check it out, see if you could handle it yourself, and be on my merry way. Obviously, Paul is going to burn without me. Eighty/twenty.
Harold Lutz: You get twenty percent and I get eighty? Deal.
Dr. Leviathan: No Harold. I get the eighty.
Harold Lutz: No way! Fifty/fifty...like old times.
Dr. Leviathan: You didn’t screw up this bad back then and I drive an Oldsmobubble.
Harold Lutz: Okay. You can have a seventy-five percent cut of McMahon money – if you win. If you lose, you get nothing.
Dr. Leviathan: These are the old times I remember. Sure. So, where are we at here and who's that guy?
Harold Lutz: That's J.J. Jobynski. He's representing the people. He's the prosecutor.
J.J. has been calling witnesses and asking the same questions over and over again. They plan on doing this about five-thousand more times before the case is over. I’m not shitting you.
Dr. Leviathan: I can’t be stuck here for five thousand witnesses! I have a practice to run. Are the witnesses saying the same things?
Harold Lutz: Yeah, they all hate Triple H. I’ve never seen anything like it. Some think he’s in league with Satan. Others are saying he’s an Al-Qaeda operative plotting to overthrow their favorite sport. What the hell did my client do?
Dr. Leviathan: Depends on who you ask. I still can’t believe you got the court to accept me as co-council. So, how do I do this Harold?
Harold Lutz: Ask questions. Make an argument.
Dr. Leviathan: You suck Harold. Shit! Here comes the bailiff.
Bailiff: ALL RISE
Judge Monty Pilate: You may be seated. Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, before we begin day seven of The People vs. Triple H, I’d like you to take notice of a newcomer to our proceedings, Dr. Leviathan. Please stand son.
Dr. Leviathan: Yes sir.
Judge Monty Pilate: Now, Dr. Leviathan is a practicing wrestling psychologist. He is now co-council for the defense. He is not a defense attorney, nor is he licensed to practice law. His purpose here is to make an argument for the defense and nothing more. I warn you now Doctor; even though the court is making an exception for your presence here, I expect you to produce valid arguments and solid questions for witnesses. I’ll be watching you closely. Are we clear?
Dr. Leviathan: Yes, your honor.
Judge Monty Pilate: The prosecution may call its next witness.
J. J. Jobynski: Yes your honor. The prosecution calls John Smark to the stand.
Bailiff: Raise your right hand. Do you, John Smark, swear to tell the truth, the whole truth, so help you God?
John Smark: I do.
J. J. Jobynski: Mr. Smark, tell us how long you’ve been a fan of wrestling.
John Smark: I’ve been watching since 1998.
J. J. Jobynski: Have you ever missed a WWE televised show or pay-per-view?
John Smark: No I have not.
J. J. Jobynski: So, you recognize the defendant?
John Smark: That’s Triple H.
J. J. Jobynski: Tell the court why this man deserves to be a ten-time heavyweight champion?
John Smark: He doesn’t deserve to be anything. He’s a McMahon now. The only reason Triple H is on top is because he’s married to Vince’s daughter.
J. J. Jobynski: Being married to the McMahons sounds like a sweet deal.
Harold Lutz: Levy, aren’t you going to object?
Dr. Leviathan: Nope.
Harold Lutz: Why not?
Dr. Leviathan: Shhhh! Let me hear what he has to say.
John Smark: Very sweet indeed. He can be or do whatever he wants in WWE now that he’s a part of the family.
Triple H: That’s a load a crap!
Judge Monty Pilate: Order! Mr. Lutz. Please advise your client on court procedure and etiquette.
Harold Lutz: Yes, your honor.
J. J. Jobynski: Do you feel that he’s ruining WWE?
John Smark: Yes I do.
J. J. Jobynski: Mr. Smark, please tell the court why you feel the way you do.
John Smark: I watched this man single handedly destroy the careers of several of my favorite superstars. He squashed RVD and made Kane look like a little boy instead of a monster. Steiner didn’t even have a chance when he faced Triple H in the ring. Booker T, a former five-time WCW champion, lost all credibility because of Triple H rolling right over him. He trampled Kevin Nash. He even made Goldberg look weak, even though Goldberg carried the World Heavyweight Title for a whole two months. Hunter ruined their careers.
J. J. Jobynski: He refuses to put other talents over. Am I correct in assuming that the defendant enjoys the spotlight - that the only person he puts over is himself?
Dr. Leviathan: I object your honor. Is that right Harold? How can Smarky Mark and the Funky Bunch know the mind of Paul Levesque?
Judge Monty Pilate: Sustained. The prosecution must rephrase the question or drop it entirely. Strike the last queries of the prosecution please; and you, Doctor, do not incite the witness by calling him names.
J. J. Jobynski: Let me again state that the defendant refuses to put other talents over. Do you Mr. Smark, a wrestling fan of seven years, feel that the defendant Triple H enjoys the spotlight and refuses to share that spotlight with talents more worthy of the top spots in the company?
John Smark: I most certainly do. I believe he’s obsessed with being the top guy. Maybe he thinks nobody else can do it better than he does.
J. J. Jobynski: Why does Paul Levesque have the power to bury the careers of more deserving talents?
John Smark: He’s a McMahon.
J. J. Jobynski: I know, Mr. Smark; but isn’t there something else – something more specific?
John Smark: Well, his wife is Stephanie McMahon and she’s head of creative. You don’t think Triple H has backstage power? You don’t think he’s in her ear at all times? He’s even sitting in on creative meetings. He controls the fate of World Wrestling Entertainment.
Judge Monty Pilate: One second please. Mr. Lutz, your client simply must refrain from growling during these proceedings. I can’t concentrate.
Harold Lutz: Yes, your honor. I will take care of it.
J. J. Jobynski: Are you telling me that a wrestler controls the fates of not only other careers, but his own as well – that Triple H, a ten-time world champion, can choose when a talent rises or falls in the company? Are you telling me that Triple H has the backstage influence to keep the World Heavyweight Title around his waist for as long as he wants it?
John Smark: He’s too involved and has too much power. Wrestlers should wrestle, not shape the fate of the company by anything other than their onscreen and in-ring personas. Triple H can do whatever he wants. Vince loves him.
J. J. Jobynski: The defendant has inserted his ideology into the creative of WWE – the same creative that his wife, Stephanie McMahon, is the head of. He’s too involved. He wields too much power backstage. Vince McMahon loves his son-in-law. Tell me, Mr. Smark, what kind of wrestler is the defendant?
John Smark: I can’t stand him. He’s lazy in the ring.
Judge Monty Pilate: Sorry for the interruptions, but is the defendant healthy? I can hear his breathing over here. Does he require medical attention, Mr. Lutz?
Harold Lutz: No, your honor. He’s just breathing angry-like. Paul is upset.
Judge Monty Pilate: Well, advise your client to refrain from breathing like that. It’s rather unnerving.
Harold Lutz: Yes, your honor. I’m doing my best over here.
Judge Monty Pilate: I suggest you do better. You may continue Mr. Jobynski.
J. J. Jobynski: Mr. Smark, you just stated that the defendant is lazy in the ring. Can you give me some examples?
John Smark: He was awful in the ring against all of the talents I mentioned earlier. He ruined their careers by not only refusing to put them over, but also by stinking up the ring while wrestling them. He’s one of the worst...
Harold Lutz: Are you going to let them continue like this?
Dr. Leviathan: Yeah. Will you shut up?
Harold Lutz: You do notice the jury nodding in agreement right? Hell, I’m starting to nod and I don’t even watch wrestling.
Dr. Leviathan: Quiet Lutz. Everything is going to be fine. Just calm Paul down. His face is all red and he’s shaking. That’s not good. He didn’t bring a sledgehammer did he?
Harold Lutz: No.
John Smark:...and he sucks.
J. J. Jobynski: I cannot believe what you are telling me; as a fan of seven years – a fan who’s never missed a single show, that you are telling me that the defendant, Paul Levesque a.k.a. Triple H, is one of the worst in-ring talents you’ve ever seen?
John Smark: Yes sir I am.
J. J. Jobynski: How about his promo ability?
John Smark: He’s been saying the same things for the last five or so years. His promos run from commercial break to commercial break. A Triple H promo is considered by many to be a piss break. I’m not sorry if that offends anyone. It’s the truth.
J. J. Jobynski: For the record please. Answer with a yes or no to my following questions. Understood?
John Smark: Yes.
J. J. Jobynski: Does Triple H deserve to be where he’s at with WWE?
John Smark: No.
J. J. Jobynski: Is the fact that he’s married to Stephanie McMahon the reason for Triple H’s dominance of the main-event scene?
John Smark: Yes.
J. J. Jobynski: Should a wrestler be involved in creative meetings?
John Smark: No.
J. J. Jobynski: Is Triple H involved in creative meetings?
John Smark: Yes.
J. J. Jobynski: Does Triple H bury the careers of more deserving talents?
John Smark: Yes.
J. J. Jobynski: Is Triple H a quality talent in the ring?
John Smark: No.
J. J. Jobynski: Is Triple H a quality mic worker?
John Smark: No.
J. J. Jobynski: Is it safe to say that Triple H is ruining WWE?
John Smark: Yes.
J. J. Jobynski: Thank you Mr. Smark. I have no further questions at this time your honor. The prosecution rests.
Judge Monty Pilate: Your witness, council.
Dr. Leviathan: Where to begin Mr. Smark? Where to begin?
Dr. Leviathan: I think I’ll begin with this; that’s the biggest pile of dog crap I’ve ever heard!
J. J. Jobynski: Objection!
Judge Monty Pilate: Sustained. Dr. Leviathan, this court isn’t interested in opinions such as that. Do it again and I will find you in contempt of court.
Dr. Leviathan: Yes your honor. My apologies to the court.
Judge Monty Pilate: Don’t let it happen again.
Dr. Leviathan: McMahons. You believe that Triple H is on top of the WWE world because of McMahons, right Mr. Smark?
John Smark: That’s right. He...
Dr. Leviathan: Just answer my questions and nothing more please.
John Smark: Sorry.
Dr. Leviathan: In your testimony to the prosecution, you more or less cited Paul Levesque’s union with Stephanie McMahon as the reason he’s the constant main-eventer that he is. Is that a true understanding of your opinion?
John Smark: Yes it is.
Dr. Leviathan: Will Stephanie McMahon please stand up and show the court just how fine she really is? Paul, no offense buddy, but the things I would do to your wife if given the chance! Take a look at her John. Puts a wiggler in your trousers doesn’t she?
John Smark: I uh...well...uhhh.
J. J. Jobynski: Objection your honor!
Judge Monty Pilate: Overruled, for now. Where are you going with this Doctor?
Dr. Leviathan: If I can get an honest answer out of the witness, you’ll see. Well, Mr. Smark, does she do it for you?
John Smark: She’s, uhh pretty.
Dr. Leviathan: She’s, uhhh pretty...You’ve got to be kidding me. Tell me you wouldn’t like to bend her over this here bench and bang her senseless.
John Smark: Well, uhhh yeah. I mean, she’s...
Dr. Leviathan: So, you see a reason for Paul Levesque wanting this woman for a wife; I mean, besides the fact that she’s wrestling born and bred and most people could easily see the connection between Paul and Stephanie while blindfolded?
John Smark: Sure, but he screwed Chyna too!
Triple H: Hey jerk-off, how many Playboy centerfolds have you bagged?
Judge Monty Pilate: MR. LEVESQUE!
Triple H: I am “The Game” I don’t have to sit here and take crap from this dick-weed.
Judge Monty Pilate: Order! Order in the court! You do as I tell you in my courtroom, Mr. Game. Sit your hulked-up ass down.
Triple H: This is bullshit.
Judge Monty Pilate: Mr. Lutz, keep your client in line or I will have him removed from this courtroom and locked up behind bars.
Harold Lutz: Sit down Paul. The judge is serious, so keep your mouth shut for your own good. Don’t growl at me either. I’m your attorney and it scares the shit out of me.
Dr. Leviathan: You may sit down Stephanie. Thank you. Mr. Smark, wouldn’t you want a hot woman like Stephanie sharing your bed as well as your interests in life?
John Smark: Yes. I guess I would.
J. J. Jobynski: Objection! What does this have to do with anything?
Dr. Leviathan: The prosecution believes that Triple H is the devastator of WWE and the reason behind this fictional rampage is Stephanie McMahon. I am leading up to something your honor.
Judge Monty Pilate: Let’s hope so. Overruled.
Dr. Leviathan: When did Stephanie and Paul start dating, Mr. Smark?
John Smark: I think late 2000 early 2001.
Dr. Leviathan: Very good, Mr. Smark. I’m impressed. Do you know when he began his career?
John Smark: No. I’m sorry, I don’t.
Dr. Leviathan: He began his career with trainer “Killer” Kowalski’s IWF in March of 1992 with the not so killer name, Terra Ryzing. After about a year with IWF, the future husband of Vince’s baby girl joined with WCW for a year, entering with the Terra Ryzing heel gimmick and leaving as the snooty French-accented Jean-Paul Levesque character. Paul signed with WWF in the spring of 1995 and became Hunter Hearst Helmsley, a snobbish heel character. He’s been with the company ever since.
John Smark: I didn’t know all that.
Dr. Leviathan: That’s right John; Triple H wrestled for seven full years before Stephanie and Paul Levesque ever became an item and you maintain that he doesn’t deserve to be where he’s at today.
John Smark: He doesn’t. I hate him. He sucks.
Dr. Leviathan: I told you earlier to answer my questions only; but I think you and I are just going to have a wrestling talk. However, do not interrupt me. Fair enough?
John Smark: Okay.
Dr. Leviathan: Did you know that when Paul Levesque wrestled as Hunter Hearst Helmsley and later, as Triple H - that he won the European Title twice, won the Intercontinental Title twice, won the King of the Ring tournament in 1997, and carried the WWF Title four times all before the latter quarter of 2000? His feuds during this period were with the likes of Mankind, Owen Hart, Goldust, “The Rock”, and “Stone Cold” Steve Austin. He accomplished all of this before he ever pinned Stephanie McMahon and you still say he doesn’t deserve his top spot in the company?
John Smark: What can I say? He’s always been Vince McMahon’s boy.
Dr. Leviathan: That’s just not true. Have you ever heard of the “Clique”?
John Smark: You mean the NWO?
Dr. Leviathan: No. Am I correct in assuming that you have no idea of what “The Clique Curtain Call” is all about?
John Smark: I guess not.
Dr. Leviathan: Your honor, if it pleases the court, I’d like to talk about this group and this incident for a few minutes. The knowledge refutes the testimony offered by the witness.
Judge Monty Pilate: How so?
Dr. Leviathan: Vince McMahon and Paul Levesque weren’t always on the best of terms.
Judge Monty Pilate: I’ll allow it. Please continue Doctor.
Dr. Leviathan: “The Clique” is and always will be: Kevin Nash (Diesel), Scott Hall (Razor Ramon), Paul Levesque (Hunter Hearst Helmsley/ Triple H), Sean Waltman (1-2-3 Kid/ X-Pac), and Shawn Michaels (HBK). Sean Waltman doesn’t figure into this particular story. The group wasn’t an on-screen stable. They were a group of friends that the wrestling writers dubbed “The Clique”. The wrestling writers suspected the group of backstage politicking. All men deny any wrong doing, but it is well known that Shawn Michaels, Nash, Hall, and Triple H have always seemed to be at or near the top of the companies they worked for and that they have all had considerable stroke with management. In the case of the “Curtain Call”, Levesque seems to have had no stroke at all.
In May of 1996, Scott Hall and Kevin Nash were set to depart for WCW. Their last matches with the WWF took place in Madison Square Garden and on that night, Razor Ramon lost to Hunter Hearst Helmsley and HBK defeated Diesel inside a steel cage. No big deal, but afterwards, Ramon and Helmsley walked on down to the ring. They stepped into the ring with Diesel and HBK and there, instead of getting into a raucous tumble with each other, the four men hugged, then stood together in the middle of the ring with their hands raised together in a fitting tribute for the soon departed.
While that may not seem like cause for a massive career shift to the wrestling fans of today, back then, things were different. Wrestling was “real”. There was no talk of wrestling being an entertainment industry. Four men embracing in the squared circle after hating and mauling each other earlier in the evening was seen as a big “fuck you” to wrestling itself. The Clique broke kayfabe and that was like breaking one of wrestling’s ten commandments at the time.
After some convincing by backstage personnel, Vince decided to punish Paul Levesque for the incident. Vince never touched the only other remaining member of “The Clique”, Shawn Michaels. He couldn’t really. The WWF’s investment in Shawn was far to great by this point in time. Michaels not only had back to back Royal Rumble victories to his credit (1995 and 1996), but he had just beaten Bret Hart for the WWF Title at Wrestlemania XII in March – two months prior to the infamous “Clique” breaking of kayfabe.
The punishment for the future “Game” was severe. Not only did he lose his planned King of the Ring victory, but Vince yanked him from the 1996 KOTR card entirely. “Stone Cold” Steve Austin stepped in to take Paul’s place as the WWF’s future star and planned winner of the 96 King of the Ring. Vince continued the Paul Levesque slaughter by removing him from PPV’s for four months following his May 26th loss to Marc Mero at In Your House 8. Unlike his first year filled with victories, Hunter Hearst Helmsley’s second year with WWF sufficiently stocked his loss column.
Vince didn’t always take care of his future son-in-law. In fact, he nearly ruined his entire career. While I know that I’m not really supposed to offer an opinion in a courtroom, I must say that I can’t imagine Vince and Paul being the best of friends in 1996.
Well, what do you think John Smark?
John Smark: That was then and this is now.
Dr. Leviathan: You must really hate him.
John Smark: I do. The guy is a fucking asshole! Triple H is ruining the WWE! He’s fucking everything and everybody up backstage and he has too much power. What is he doing sitting in on creative meetings? He’s supposed to be a wrestler. Screw Triple H.
Judge Monty Pilate: The court advises the witness to calm down and refrain from using vulgar language. I can have you locked up Mr. Smark. You don’t even want to know what they would do to your 125 pounds of man-meat in prison. You’ve been warned. Don’t even say a thing Mr. Smark. Please continue Doctor.
Dr. Leviathan: If Paul Levesque has all this incredible pull backstage, why do Kevin Nash, Scott Hall, and Sean Waltman wrestle elsewhere, if at all? Let me finish Mr. Smark. Not even the mighty “Game” can keep the “Clique” together in WWE - where he knows they’d make more money. I’m certain that he would love to have his friends around him. Why aren’t they by his side? These guys are either too old or too fucked up – sorry your honor, to work for WWE and obviously, someone else is still calling the shots for WWE. Paul Levesque doesn’t have the stroke many claim he has.
John Smark: That may be true; but he’s still mucking things up backstage.
Judge Monty Pilate: John?
John Smark: What? I was good! I don’t want to go to jail. I said mucking!
Dr. Leviathan: Your honor, I’d like to enter an interview by Phil Speer of WWE.Com into the record. This is defense exhibit number... Harold?
Harold Lutz: A.
Dr. Leviathan: You're such a queef, Harold. This is defense exhibit “A” your honor. I’d like to read it for the benefit of the court if that is acceptable.
Judge Monty Pilate: I’ll allow the evidence.
Dr. Leviathan: I hold in my hand a printout of an interview Triple H gave Phil Speer mid-2002. These are Paul Levesque’s own words concerning the opposition he’s received since involving himself with the WWE creative process.
Written by Phil Speer for WWE.com.
Triple H: “If people want to think that I’m ‘office’ … hey listen, I’m one of the boys (wrestlers),” he said. “But I disagree with the ‘it’s-the-boys-against-the-office’ theory in this business. We all have one goal in this company, and that is to make these shows the best shows they possibly can be so the most people in the world watch them, so we all make a s***load of money. That’s how it works. That’s how we make the product good, and that’s writers, that’s office and that’s talent. That’s every single person who works for this company, and we all work together.
“I was asked to be here. I didn’t say, ‘Hey, I’m going to come to TV and just hang out until somebody finds something for me to do.’ They need the help, so I come and help. Just because my elbow’s hurt, doesn’t mean I can’t help out. If guys think that’s being ‘office,’ maybe they should look at that as f***ing work ethic. If guys would put more into the product than just saying, ‘Hey, it’s not my job to come up with ideas. I’m not a writer. I’m just talent.’ Well, you know what, you’re just a talent who don’t give a s***, so you’ll be a talent at the bottom of the card.”
Dr. Leviathan: Sounds to me like Paul Levesque has a passion for the business. What do you think John Smark?
John Smark: Just because he has a passion for the business doesn’t give him the right to obliterate the careers of great wrestlers. He’s holding people down. He’s burying the careers of more deserving talents. Triple H is the Glass Ceiling of WWE!
Dr. Leviathan: Do you ignore Triple H aiding Shawn Michaels in looking fantastic in every classic match they’ve been in, elevating Chris Benoit to the top of the company by dropping the belt to him, giving Shelton Benjamin a great rub by jobbing to him repeatedly, and being an integral part of the Batista push that culminated in Triple H losing his belt to Batista at Wrestlemania 21? I could go on with names like Foley, Austin, and The Rock and the positives that Triple H offered their careers if you’d like.
John Smark: It doesn’t matter. He didn’t do anything for the talents I mentioned in my testimony to the prosecution. Triple H is also the reason Randy Orton’s career is in peril. He squashed Orton after Orton had held the World Heavyweight Title for only one month. Triple H couldn’t let go of the title for one fuh-reaking month. Not only did he refuse to lose to most of them, he refused to put on quality matches with them.
Dr. Leviathan: Besides Orton, you seem to have most of your problem with two years of Triple H’s ten year career with WWE. Everyone you keep mentioning lost to the game from around the middle of 2002 up until the end of 2003. Am I correct in saying that you hated “The Game” the most during 2002 and 2003?
John Smark: I suppose you could say that; but I always despise him. Yes, his ring work was at its rottenest during those years.
Dr. Leviathan: I’ll get back to your claim that Triple H was rotten in the ring in 2002 and 2003. First, I’d like to talk about these “amazing” talents you keep blabbering about.
You can make a case for RVD (never won), Kane (needed to win), and perhaps even Booker T (it would have been nice). Well they didn’t and I don’t believe Triple H is to blame for their misfortunes.
Many of the powers behind the WWE curtain feel that RVD is never going to be ready for the big time. Kane was still a masked man when they granted him the title shot in 2002. Vince has always said he doesn’t like a masked wrestler to be the champ. Booker T doesn’t seem to have Mr. McMahon on his side since joining WWE. He never seems to get the push he needs and while he’s over with the crowd, he’s not as over as he needs to be. Booker doesn’t even get the Title on Smackdown.
Steiner isn’t held in high regard as far as wrestling ability. He made many mistakes in the ring that veterans aren’t supposed to make while employed by WWE. Paul’s buddy, Kevin Nash didn’t have the build up to take the belt. Goldberg made it known that he was definitely leaving WWE at Wrestlemania XX. Why give the belt to a guy that is leaving for more than the two months he held it?
John Smark: I guess I see your point - with Goldberg. What about Orton?
J. J. Jobynski: Objection your honor! Objection! The witness is now asking questions of the defense. I can understand giving Dr. Leviathan some flexibility in presenting the defense due to his lack of law knowledge; but this has gone too far. What kind of trial are you running here? These two are talking like wrestling fans and ...Christ! Smark’s my witness!
Judge Monty Pilate: Sit down Mr. Jobynski! Overruled. I’m enjoying this. This court is interested in finding the truth of the matter – not the truth of one side or the other. Dr. Leviathan is making a valid argument and I will hear what both he and Mr. Smark have to say. Do not question my ability to run this court again.
J. J. Jobynski: Yes your honor.
Judge Monty Pilate: Continue Doctor.
Dr. Leviathan: Orton’s short title reign is a direct result of Randy Orton’s inability to get over with fans. They pulled the plug on him. Randy is Randy’s problem – not Paul Levesque’s.
J. J. Jobynski: The prosecution objects your honor. The council for the defense is offering opinion and leading the witness - not for the first time I might add.
Judge Monty Pilate: Overruled.
J. J. Jobynski: WHAT?
Judge Monty Pilate: I said overruled. Now sit down and shut up! Continue Doctor.
Dr. Leviathan: Have you changed your mind about Triple H, Mr. Smark?
John Smark: No. I sure as hell have not. I stand by my belief that Triple H purposely refused to be pinned and purposely refused to put on quality matches with the wrestlers in question.
Dr. Leviathan: You’re shaking Mr. Smark. Are you angry with me?
John Smark: No. Yes!
Dr. Leviathan: You don’t like it when someone thinks Triple H is a solid talent in and out of the ring, do you?
John Smark: Why would I?
Dr. Leviathan: Your honor, I’d like to present defense exhibit “B”. These are Paul Levesque’s medical records from 2002 and 2003. Here you go Jobber. I’m sure you’d like to read these too.
J. J. Jobynski: So, he was injured. What does this prove?
Dr. Leviathan: His injury report proves the tenacity and love for the business Triple H possesses. It also offers an explanation for the low quality matches he wrestled during 2002 and 2003. Here was a guy who just came back from major quad surgery in the beginning of 2002. The quad wasn’t 100 percent. It was gimpy. He wrestled anyways. It took him almost two years to regain his step and his wind in the ring.
Sometime between winning the Royal Rumble 2002 and Wrestlemania XVIII of that same year, Triple H fractured his kneecap. He still wrestled. He still experienced problems from his quad injury that put him on the shelf for eight months prior to his return in January of 2002.
He wrestled Undertaker at King of the Ring 2002 with a painful pocket of bone chips in his right elbow. Triple H could not straighten his arm and he still put on a pretty damned good match. He needed surgery the next month to fix the problem.
At Survivor Series the same year, RVD botched a Five Star Frog Splash targeting Triple H in the Elimination Chamber match. His knee landed across HHH’s throat – blocking fifty percent of Hunter’s air intake. What did Paul do? He finished the match.
In December of 2002, he wrestled Shawn Michaels in a grueling 2 out of 3 falls match at Armageddon with a large hematoma in his left quad. It wasn’t the kind of bruise you sit back and watch all the pretty color changes with. His bruise was something that has the chance of killing you by causing heart failure or stroke. Maybe I shouldn’t admire Levesque for his tenacity, but curse him for his stupidity.
During his match with Michaels at Armageddon, Triple H tore his right quad. While this injury was not as serious as the one that put him out of action for eight months, he still wrestled with the possibility that the kind of damage he suffered with his left quad could strike his right quad at anytime since it was already torn. It took many months to heal this while he continued to compete in the ring.
From December of 2002 thru July of 2003, Paul worked on getting healthy. In July of 2003, he ripped two muscles in his groin. He competed with these injuries in the Summerslam 2003 Elimination Chamber match.
That’s seven long lasting and tedious injuries within a nineteen-month period. Yes, “The Game” did suck, but I have to hand it to him for perseverance and balls. Many of us call off sick for small bugs and other minute things. He tried to work everyday in a dangerous sport with serious and career threatening injuries. At the very least, Triple H deserves our respect and gratitude for his incredible efforts to do his job.
That puts 2002 and 2003 in a different light, doesn’t it Mr. Smark?
John Smark: It does. Triple H still deserves to die. He’s guilty of everything the prosecution says he is!
Dr. Leviathan: You’re telling me that Triple H – who finished second in the 2000, 2001, and 2002 PWI Match of the Year voting is guilty of crimes against the people?
John Smark: You’re fuh fuh...damned right!
Dr. Leviathan: Did I mention that he won the PWI Match of the Year award for 2004 with his fantastic match against Benoit and Michaels at Wrestlemania 20. Hell, I can list some other great matches of his.
Mr. Smark, did you conveniently forget the Foley/ Triple H match at the Royal Rumble in 2000? Did you fall asleep during Foley/ Triple H at No Way Out that same year? How about the Austin/ Trips two out of three falls match at No Way Out 2001 that ended inside a steel cage? What about...
John Smark: It doesn’t matter. Nothing will change my mind. I can’t stand Triple H. What part of that don’t you understand?
Dr. Leviathan: I don’t need to understand. The jury does. Even though he was injured for most of 2002 and 2003, he still managed to have classic confrontations with Shawn Michaels at Summerslam 2002 and Armageddon 2003. His battle with Jericho inside a steel cage at Judgment Day 2002 is considered an awesome match by many fans. Are you blind?
John Smark: So he had a few good matches. I saw them. So what? He’s no Christian!
Dr. Leviathan: I’m not even going to bother with the cheesy Christian comment. Mr. Smark, the prosecution must make us believe, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that Paul Levesque is guilty of killing off World Wrestling Entertainment single-handedly, is in fraudulent possession of his main-event status, is disgracing the ring with his promos and his wrestling style, and is using his backstage power to subvert and damage the wrestling careers of other wrestlers. Paul Levesque has pleaded not guilty to all charges. I don’t think he’s guilty.
I think I’ve given the jurors a reasonable doubt or two. What about you Smark?
John Smark: ...
Dr. Leviathan: I think you are jealous and paranoid of Paul Levesque. I also think you’re delusional, you hateful little bastard.
Judge Monty Pilate: Order!
John Smark: You son-of-a-bitch!
J. J. Jobynski: You don’t have to answer John!
Dr. Leviathan: You probably blame Triple H for everything that’s wrong with your life. The truth is, Triple H didn’t ruin wrestling. You did! Why don’t you answer my question John?
Judge Monty Pilate: Order! Order, damn it!
Dr. Leviathan: John? Remember, heels make us hate them. That’s how they do their jobs. If you hate Triple H so damned much, he must be doing a kick-ass job of being the bad guy. C’mon John. Answer the question!
John Smark: Iuhhyeahuhh.
Dr. Leviathan: Can you clear that up for those of us on planet Earth please?
John Smark: I uhhhooohglah. I need a computer.
Dr. Leviathan: Don’t look it up on the Internet you sad little bastard! Answer me!
John Smark: Yes. Fine! I doubt. God damn you! I doubt. I still hate him. I hate you too. I hope you both burn in hell. I HOPE YOU DIE! BURN YOU FUCKERS! BURN!
Judge Monty Pilate: Order in the court. Order! Order damn it! Sit down, Mr. Smark. SIT DOWN!
John Smark: H-A-T-E... Y-O-U!!!!! TRIPLE H RUINED WRESTLING!
Judge Monty Pilate: ORDER! ORDER IN THE COURT! Bailiff, remove this thing from my sight.
John Smark: NOOOoooooo! I want to watch you BURN Hunter! BURN! Let me GO! I’ll kill you Leviathan!
Harold Lutz: Grab him! He’s coming after Levy!
Dr. Leviathan: Oh shit.
Judge Monty Pilate: Get some officers down here now!
J. J. Jobynski: That son-of-a-bitch bit me! Lutz, you grab him!
Harold Lutz: Well, I. He is, a. I. Please, stop Mr. Smark. Put down the chair and play nice. You really don’t mean tha-oooofughhh....
The Jury: Ooooohhhhhh.
Judge Monty Pilate: Ow, damn! Mr. Lutz? Are you okay? Can you hear me?
Harold Lutz: Guh-gah! I ghan see Stephahhhgashnie’s coohhblefugishgah...fraghem dowghen here.
Judge Monty Pilate: Get me paramedics up here, pronto! Get Lutz up off that dirty floor and stop his head from bleeding. DOCTOR! Look out!
The Jury: HO-LY-SHIT! HO-LY-SHIT! HO-LY-SHIT!
Judge Monty Pilate: I’ll be damned! That was awesome son. Where did you learn that?
Dr. Leviathan: World Wrestling Entertainment.
Triple H: Nice Pedigree through the table. Smark is boned. Nobody kicks out of that shit.
Dr. Leviathan: Thanks Paul. Your honor, how ‘bout we skip nearly five thousand witnesses for the prosecution’s pathetic case, skip the closing arguments, and hand this over to the jury right now?
Judge Monty Pilate: Well, J.J. Jobynski? What sayeth the people?
J. J. Jobynski: It’s all about the game and how you – yeah, sure, fine...whatever. I’m fucking bleeding here! Can someone help me?
