Welcome to the only IWF column that….is in existence, the No Smark Zone. This is my attempt to be a bit more regular with this. I listened to all of my loyal readers and they are my prune juice and fiber, making me more regular. In this edition of the No Smark Zone, But first dun dun dundundun dun dun, The No Smark News….
Randy Orton has come out and blasted Bubba Ray Dudley calling him selfish and a piece of shit. I, personally, like it. I like when younger guys come out and say whats on their mind. Is he right? I don’t know, I’ve never been in the ring with Bubba. What I can say, without a shadow of a doubt is that a lot of other guys have said about the same thing. What probably happened was Randy had a bad match with him and had a bad experience in general and is taking it to an EXTREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEME (the ironing is delicious).
He also went on to say, in the same interview, that he knows people hate his chinlock and he uses it anyway. This is the old school mentality of “Start off slow, and then taper offâ€. This once again proves that heat is heat. No matter what is its, and this is, make no mistake, the OLDEST heat in the worked sport of professional wrestling because the whole premise of it becoming a work is because people realized fans got bored with the super athletic matches in the days of Frank Gotch and George Hackenschmidt. I like it.
Is Mick Foley on his way out of the WWE? I don’t see what the hell the problem could be, I mean it’s not like he has to lobby for angles or try to preserve his character because he’s an announcer. Whatever the case may be, I think if what he did with Edge is the last thing he does in the WWE for a while, I believe it is a shining example of what the old guard can do for the new. It shows that Mick is a completely unselfish person and truly deserving of every accolade he has ever gotten. With that being said, in these same reports, it was stated that Mick might have had a hand in the Hell In A Cell match at Summerslam. I am really glad he didn’t because I think it would have had a negative effect on it, for sure.
Brock Lesnar “isnt ruling out†a return to wrestling. Part of me wants to see him back. The guy is a freak of an athlete and is a natural in the ring. His work is tight in the ring, which is condusive to making a match more realistic and therefore more compelling. With all of that being said, he is a whiney motherfucker. He came into the business at a time when the road schedule was the easiest it had ever been. He was handed everything pretty much on a silver platter. Yes, Brock has a certain charisma, but make no mistake, when compared to The Rock, Austin, Hogan, Flair, Bret, HBK, and so many others who main evented PPV after PPV, he paid DICK for dues and then ran away like a little bitch. So I don’t know. I think I’d rather keep him off the roster. The upside isnt worth the downside of him punking out again and the resentment it could create in the locker room with guys like Big Show, John Cena, HHH, and of course The Undertaker.
Summerslam Review
The WWE’s 20th midsummer classic came to us from the home of NFL megastar Peyton Manning. And the WWE brought their own troop of megastars in with what I believe to be the most stacked card since WM, if not even more so.
Jeff Hardy vs. Montell Vontavious Porter
Jeff starts out hot like usual but that chases MVP out of the ring. Good heel work right off the bat. MVP goes for the Drive By Kick early but isnt successful. The action spills outside again and MVP gets barricaded and high spotted. Springboard legdrop and back into the ring we go. We get some actual wrestling in which Jeff shows up MVP. Hardy shoots him into the corner and charges but MVP hits a sick belly to belly suplex into the corner (kinda). MVP clamps down with ye old camel clutch (Sergeant Slaughter’d) and when Hardy almost gets out of it, MVP locks in a Boston Crab (Rick Martel’d). That wont keep Jeff down though as he crawls to the ropes. Hardy gets up on the apron and then tries a springboard into the ring but Mr. 307 hits him with a nasty punch that knocks him to the floor. MVP then ties Hardy to the Tree Of Woe and does something really brutal as he just SLAMS Jeff’s head into the mat. OUCH! MVP pounds him down some more but Hardy gets back into it with his neck lariat and then a slower version of his Russian/double leg pin combo. Whisper in the wind and then Jeff fires up and goes for his corner drop kick but it gets reversed as MVP catches him, but THAT gets reversed and Jeff gets a 2 with a sunset flip. Jeff gets ready to hit the Swanton bomb but sees Shelton Benjamin on the outside and dives on him! Hardy goes for the Swanton again but misses. MVP gets up and hits the Drive By Kick for the win!
Winner: MVP
Match Rating: ***1/2
Comments: Great opener using damn good psychology on both sides and using a tactic not usually seen a lot now a days. Instead of Benji just hitting the ring, they had Jeff show off his “recklessness†and cost himself the match, in a way. Good job.
Winner Take All- Glamorella (Santino and Beth Phoenix) vs. Mickie James and Kofi Kingston
The ladies start off and Beth overpowers the smaller Mickie for the beginning of the match. Mickie hits a dropkick but it doesn’t do much as the Beth hits a snap suplex and tags him Unibrow. :brows: She tags in Santino but he gets kicked right in the head. Mickie hits a monkey flip and tags in Kofi. Some fast dropkicks and an uppercut send Santino out to the floor where Beth is. Kofi does his fake dive head bounce thing and Santino jumps in Beth’s arms, rofl. Santino gets back in and pokes Kofi in the eye. Some fastish tags by Glamorella leads to Kofi getting beat down. KK gets back into it with a hard shoulder block. Beth tags in and Kofi gives Mickie the hot tag. Beth hits a clothesline but Mickie hits two big takedowns on Beth and then drops Santino. She the hits her big Thezzie Press from the top rope but that only gets a 2 as Santino breaks it up. In comes Kofi but Marella outsmarts him and tosses him out of the ring. Mickie hits Santino with the tornado DDT but turns around and gets the Glamabomb for the 1,2,3.
Winners: Santino Marella and Beth Phoenix
Match Rating: **3/4
Comments: This was relatively entertaining, and that is what you get with Santino, entertainment.
The Shawn Michaels Announcement
Im not going to spend a whole lot of time on this one because most of us know what happened. HBK comes out with Rebecca “Whisper†Hickenbottom. Shawn gives, what id like to call, his Brett Favre speech. Thank you to all the fans. You’ve stuck with me, yadda yadda. And I don’t mean to downplay it, because it was very good. It was so good, in fact, that half the people in the bar with me werent sure it was a work or real. It was a good speech, to be sure, but its pretty much what you’ve heard over the years. So after he’s said this, out comes KYJ (rockin a suit). Jericho gets right to it and says he is NOT going to let HBK retire this way. He tells Shawn he wants him to admit that Shawn isnt retiring for any reason other than what Jericho did to him last month at the Great American Bash. Shawn tells Jericho that he’ll admit that he was put out of wrestling by selfish, worthless human being. And then he tells Jericho to go home and tell his kids that their daddy can never be Shawn Michaels. Rebecca is pulling on Shawn at this point and they go to leave when Jericho swings at HBK who ducks and instead Chris hits Rebecca. OH SNAP! That got a huge pop at the bar. Now a guy hitting a woman in wrestling isnt anything new. However, the way this was done made it seem more exciting. And, quite frankly, it made everyone question, at least for a second, if that was supposed to happen. Even the most cynical smark went “hmmm†because it was put on SO WELL. One of my best friends, to this day, still thinks it was a “real†accident. They show Shawn act a bit crazy after this happens as he is tending to his wife. I honestly thought he was going to snap. Rebecca finally gets up and she is helped out of the ring by like 5 people and has a ginormous fat lip. I think they should have walked out of the arena to Sum 41…..EM I RYTE PPLZ!?
Rating: *** ½
Winner: Rebecca Hickenbottom’s plastic surgeon.
ECW Title Match- Mark Henry© vs. Matt Hardy
Matt starts out like a house of fire and hits the twist of fate out of NOWHERE! Matt is going to win! Until, of course, Tony Atlas pulls Matt out and throws him into the steel stairs, causing a DQ. Atlas tries to work over Matt until his brother Jeff comes out to make the save. Henry, however drops Jeff but Matt gets back into it and the two double suplex Mark Henry on the floor, causing the first ever earthquake in Indianapolis, Indiana.
Winner: Matt Hardy (via dq)
Match/Segment Rating: **
Comments: Damn racist WWE, making the black man look bad….
World Heavyweight Championship Match- C.M. Punk© vs. John “Bradshaw†Layfield
JBL bullies Punk with his power around for the first bit of the match. CM fights back into it with his trusty legs. Some back and forth takes JBL outside and sees Punk doing a picture perfect torpedo dive through the ropes. Back into the ring we go and Punk hits a nice cross body on JBL but only gets a 1. JBL takes over with his very methodical and stiff offense starting with his trademarked punches in the corner. He then catches Punk on the top and hits the “Last Callâ€. Some more stiff offense from JBL leads to a bearhug from the big man. Punk breaks free and uses his legs again but JBL gets back into it using HIS feet, some tit for tat. JBL continues with some more pounding offense with more stuff shots and a nasty abdominal stretch. Punk manages to get him up for the GTS but JBL counters and hits a stiff clothesline. After that he goes into overkill mode just dropping elbow after elbow on Punk but is not able to put him away.
Punk starts to get back into it with his Jap offense. Punk springboards into the ring but gets caught for a nice powerslam for a 2. Some more back and forth leads to a super back suplex on Punk from the top that sees both men slam heads. OUCH. JBL gets up first and goes for the Hades Lariat but misses and Punk FINALLY gets the GTS for the win!
Winner: CM Punk
Match Rating: ***1/4
Comments: Pretty good match as both men worked their asses off. Definitely not spectacular, but still a solid bout, which is something you don’t always get from JBL considering he’s injured.
WWE Championship Match- Triple H © vs. The Great Khali
We get a staredown in the beginning and Khali shoves him, showing off his muscle. HHH comes back with some right hands and shows off his quickness dodging the big dumbass. H goes for the kill early on but The Great Khali gets out of the pedigree with ease. Some clubbing blows send The Game to his knees. Khali hits a surprising Khali Bomb not 4 minutes into the match and then after some untimely posing locks in the vice grip. H hits a few well placed elbows to break free and then elicits a great WOOOOOOOO from the crowd as he chop blocks The Great Khali to the ground. Khali rolls to the outside and HHH follows but gets taken into the timekeeper. Back in the ring, for the next 5 minutes or so, The Great Khali pretty much dominates HHH. I haven’t seen The Game take a beating like this since The Ultimate Warrior match at WM 12. But then again, that match give me goosebumps, this didn’t. At least for this part of the match. Khali’s offense was a bit TOO methodical. TGK slaps on the Watermelon Crusher on HHH and he sells the fuck out of it. But H manages to fight out get the comeback, and win.
Winner: Triple H
Match Rating: **
Comments: The fact that John Cena and HBK can get a better match out of guys like Umaga and Khali who are limited, Khali way moreso than Umaga, speaks volumes about those workers when comparing them to HHH.
John Cena vs. “The Animal†Batista
Both of these men come out to the loudest reaction of the night, in my opinion. Yes, even louder than the Undertakers who had been gone forever. The two men kind to soak in the environment and lock up. Batista and Cena show off their power with successive headshoulder blocks, first Batista, then Cena. We get some more back and forth until Batista goes for a Batista Bomb, Cena counters, but then Batista hits a nice big boot and then a jackhammer on Cener. However the Doctor comes back and hits his trademark fisherman’s suplex which leads to a two count for HIM. Another exchange of teased finishers again, this time though Batista reverses out of an F-U and hits a, WOOOOOOOOOOOOOO chop block. And then, in another homage to the departed (from the fed not from the world) Ric Flair, the Animal locks in a nice figure 4 leg lock which gets a nice pop from the crowd. Cena fights his way to the ropes and eventually gets there. Cena makes his way up and Batista charges. Cena ducks and takes him up for an F-U and tosses him down to the floor. Immediately after though, Cena collapses as his knee is still hurting. Somehow, Batista is the first one up and back into the ring. Cena however gives him a few one legged flying shoulder tackles.
Cena then postures for the 5-knuckle shuffle which gets a very loud but VERY MIXED reaction. He goes for it but Batista gets back into it with another stiff big boot. From here the Animal takes over with some hard splashes in the corner and a vicious spinebuster! Batista Warrior’s it up and gives Cena the thumbs down. Batista goes for ANOTHER Bomb but Cener takes a page out of big Dave’s book and takes a shot at his knee followed by locking in the STFU. Batista gets to the ropes and Cena breaks. Batista gets up and Cena goes for an F-U but Batista busts out the rarely seen muscleheaded rear naked choke. (Tazz’d). Cena breaks it but gets speared and almost beaten. Batisa goes for his Bomb yet AGAIN but this time Cena does some kidna insane reversal and DRILLS the Animal in an F-U. Cena makes the cover and this one was seemingly over, but it wasn’t! Cena cant believe it, and quite frankly, neither can I. Cena gets desperate and goes to the top rope and goes for his leg drop but Batista reverses it INTO A POWER BOMB! Sick, just sick. Batista makes the cover and its over. NO! Cener kicks out! Batista gets pissed (Hulk smash) and hits another ring shaking Batista Bomb and FINALLY gets the win.
Winner: “The Animal†Batista
Match Rating: ****
Comments: That was 100% better than I ever thought it could be. I had faith it would be good, but I didn’t think it would be that good!
Hell In A Cell/Grudge Match- Edge vs. The Undertaker
Edge comes out with a sick look on his face. He looks downright happy to get into the cell and looks even happier when Taker gets into the ring. Taker starts out dominating with the ham hocks and then throws Edge over the top rope to the floor, but not before Edge slams into the cage. UT continues his assault on the floor with some well placed head butts, the steel stairs, his patented apron leg drop, and using the cage to his advantage. Taker sets up the stairs in the ring and goes to toss Edge into them, but he gets reversed and Taker goes head first into the steel. Edge then SPEARS UT into the stairs. Edge then goes outside to get some toys set up for later all the while, coming back in and hammering down on Taker with his body and a steel chair. Edge sets up two tables on the outside and one in the ring. He pulls out a ladder and gives Taker the Mick Foley treatment from SD a few weeks ago! Can the UT still be taking shit like that? Edge sets Takers head on a steel chair and goes to get another one, setting up for a Con-Chair-To. The Deadman sits up, however and goes for a chokeslam that Edge fights out of. Taker then drops Edge with what looks like to be almost a KO punch. Action spills to the outside. Taker gets sent into the cage and Edge, using a loose pair of stairs, SPEARS TAKER THROUGH THE HELL IN A CELL!!!!!
Taker, somehow, manages to get up first and throws Edge into the barrier outside. Taker grabs a monitor but Edge kicks him, takes his own monitor and cracks UT with it. The two fight onto the tables leading to the Undertaker being SPEARED THROUGH THE ECW ANNOUNCE TABLE!! Christ, these guys are going to kill each other! They both manage to get up and exchange blows, working their way back into the cell. Taker takeRs over when they get back in using a camera on Edge, ala Armageddon last year. Edge reverses the Last Ride into the Impailer but only gets a 2. Taker fights back but gets SPEARED but only gets a 2! Taker gets the Last Ride but only gets a 2! We get more back and forth from both until Edge goes for the ultimate insult and tries to do OLD SCHOOL on Taker! But it is not to be as The Undertaker CHOKESLAMS HIM through the 2 set up tables outside! That’s got to be enough, but not for UT. He imposes his will on Edge throwing everything at the Rated R Superstar. A chokeslam through the tables, another camera shot to the head, a SPEAR (SD vs. Raw’d), a Con-Chair-To, and FINALLY a tombstone.
Winner: The Undertaker
Match Rating: *****
Comments: Jesus Christ that was a hell of a match! I don’t really think all of that at the end was necessary, but Taker sure made his point! But wait, whats this? Taker isnt done!? Taker comes BACK from the aisle, into the Cell, and drags Edge up a ladder. He tells Edge YOU ARE GOING TO HELL, and boy was he right as Edge is CHOKESLAMMED THROUGH THE RING. Taker then poses and fire shoots up through the ring! Motherfucker!!!!!
HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOLY shit! That was a hell of a match, a great way to end what was a pretty good PPV overall. I think the WWE has done well by us, for the most part, when it comes to PPVs this year. Well that’s it for this No Smark Zone. Don’t forget to read my Smackdown Review and SPs infrequent Raw Review. >_> Until next time!
Randy Orton has come out and blasted Bubba Ray Dudley calling him selfish and a piece of shit. I, personally, like it. I like when younger guys come out and say whats on their mind. Is he right? I don’t know, I’ve never been in the ring with Bubba. What I can say, without a shadow of a doubt is that a lot of other guys have said about the same thing. What probably happened was Randy had a bad match with him and had a bad experience in general and is taking it to an EXTREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEME (the ironing is delicious).
He also went on to say, in the same interview, that he knows people hate his chinlock and he uses it anyway. This is the old school mentality of “Start off slow, and then taper offâ€. This once again proves that heat is heat. No matter what is its, and this is, make no mistake, the OLDEST heat in the worked sport of professional wrestling because the whole premise of it becoming a work is because people realized fans got bored with the super athletic matches in the days of Frank Gotch and George Hackenschmidt. I like it.
Is Mick Foley on his way out of the WWE? I don’t see what the hell the problem could be, I mean it’s not like he has to lobby for angles or try to preserve his character because he’s an announcer. Whatever the case may be, I think if what he did with Edge is the last thing he does in the WWE for a while, I believe it is a shining example of what the old guard can do for the new. It shows that Mick is a completely unselfish person and truly deserving of every accolade he has ever gotten. With that being said, in these same reports, it was stated that Mick might have had a hand in the Hell In A Cell match at Summerslam. I am really glad he didn’t because I think it would have had a negative effect on it, for sure.
Brock Lesnar “isnt ruling out†a return to wrestling. Part of me wants to see him back. The guy is a freak of an athlete and is a natural in the ring. His work is tight in the ring, which is condusive to making a match more realistic and therefore more compelling. With all of that being said, he is a whiney motherfucker. He came into the business at a time when the road schedule was the easiest it had ever been. He was handed everything pretty much on a silver platter. Yes, Brock has a certain charisma, but make no mistake, when compared to The Rock, Austin, Hogan, Flair, Bret, HBK, and so many others who main evented PPV after PPV, he paid DICK for dues and then ran away like a little bitch. So I don’t know. I think I’d rather keep him off the roster. The upside isnt worth the downside of him punking out again and the resentment it could create in the locker room with guys like Big Show, John Cena, HHH, and of course The Undertaker.
Summerslam Review
The WWE’s 20th midsummer classic came to us from the home of NFL megastar Peyton Manning. And the WWE brought their own troop of megastars in with what I believe to be the most stacked card since WM, if not even more so.
Jeff Hardy vs. Montell Vontavious Porter
Jeff starts out hot like usual but that chases MVP out of the ring. Good heel work right off the bat. MVP goes for the Drive By Kick early but isnt successful. The action spills outside again and MVP gets barricaded and high spotted. Springboard legdrop and back into the ring we go. We get some actual wrestling in which Jeff shows up MVP. Hardy shoots him into the corner and charges but MVP hits a sick belly to belly suplex into the corner (kinda). MVP clamps down with ye old camel clutch (Sergeant Slaughter’d) and when Hardy almost gets out of it, MVP locks in a Boston Crab (Rick Martel’d). That wont keep Jeff down though as he crawls to the ropes. Hardy gets up on the apron and then tries a springboard into the ring but Mr. 307 hits him with a nasty punch that knocks him to the floor. MVP then ties Hardy to the Tree Of Woe and does something really brutal as he just SLAMS Jeff’s head into the mat. OUCH! MVP pounds him down some more but Hardy gets back into it with his neck lariat and then a slower version of his Russian/double leg pin combo. Whisper in the wind and then Jeff fires up and goes for his corner drop kick but it gets reversed as MVP catches him, but THAT gets reversed and Jeff gets a 2 with a sunset flip. Jeff gets ready to hit the Swanton bomb but sees Shelton Benjamin on the outside and dives on him! Hardy goes for the Swanton again but misses. MVP gets up and hits the Drive By Kick for the win!
Winner: MVP
Match Rating: ***1/2
Comments: Great opener using damn good psychology on both sides and using a tactic not usually seen a lot now a days. Instead of Benji just hitting the ring, they had Jeff show off his “recklessness†and cost himself the match, in a way. Good job.
Winner Take All- Glamorella (Santino and Beth Phoenix) vs. Mickie James and Kofi Kingston
The ladies start off and Beth overpowers the smaller Mickie for the beginning of the match. Mickie hits a dropkick but it doesn’t do much as the Beth hits a snap suplex and tags him Unibrow. :brows: She tags in Santino but he gets kicked right in the head. Mickie hits a monkey flip and tags in Kofi. Some fast dropkicks and an uppercut send Santino out to the floor where Beth is. Kofi does his fake dive head bounce thing and Santino jumps in Beth’s arms, rofl. Santino gets back in and pokes Kofi in the eye. Some fastish tags by Glamorella leads to Kofi getting beat down. KK gets back into it with a hard shoulder block. Beth tags in and Kofi gives Mickie the hot tag. Beth hits a clothesline but Mickie hits two big takedowns on Beth and then drops Santino. She the hits her big Thezzie Press from the top rope but that only gets a 2 as Santino breaks it up. In comes Kofi but Marella outsmarts him and tosses him out of the ring. Mickie hits Santino with the tornado DDT but turns around and gets the Glamabomb for the 1,2,3.
Winners: Santino Marella and Beth Phoenix
Match Rating: **3/4
Comments: This was relatively entertaining, and that is what you get with Santino, entertainment.
The Shawn Michaels Announcement
Im not going to spend a whole lot of time on this one because most of us know what happened. HBK comes out with Rebecca “Whisper†Hickenbottom. Shawn gives, what id like to call, his Brett Favre speech. Thank you to all the fans. You’ve stuck with me, yadda yadda. And I don’t mean to downplay it, because it was very good. It was so good, in fact, that half the people in the bar with me werent sure it was a work or real. It was a good speech, to be sure, but its pretty much what you’ve heard over the years. So after he’s said this, out comes KYJ (rockin a suit). Jericho gets right to it and says he is NOT going to let HBK retire this way. He tells Shawn he wants him to admit that Shawn isnt retiring for any reason other than what Jericho did to him last month at the Great American Bash. Shawn tells Jericho that he’ll admit that he was put out of wrestling by selfish, worthless human being. And then he tells Jericho to go home and tell his kids that their daddy can never be Shawn Michaels. Rebecca is pulling on Shawn at this point and they go to leave when Jericho swings at HBK who ducks and instead Chris hits Rebecca. OH SNAP! That got a huge pop at the bar. Now a guy hitting a woman in wrestling isnt anything new. However, the way this was done made it seem more exciting. And, quite frankly, it made everyone question, at least for a second, if that was supposed to happen. Even the most cynical smark went “hmmm†because it was put on SO WELL. One of my best friends, to this day, still thinks it was a “real†accident. They show Shawn act a bit crazy after this happens as he is tending to his wife. I honestly thought he was going to snap. Rebecca finally gets up and she is helped out of the ring by like 5 people and has a ginormous fat lip. I think they should have walked out of the arena to Sum 41…..EM I RYTE PPLZ!?
Rating: *** ½
Winner: Rebecca Hickenbottom’s plastic surgeon.
ECW Title Match- Mark Henry© vs. Matt Hardy
Matt starts out like a house of fire and hits the twist of fate out of NOWHERE! Matt is going to win! Until, of course, Tony Atlas pulls Matt out and throws him into the steel stairs, causing a DQ. Atlas tries to work over Matt until his brother Jeff comes out to make the save. Henry, however drops Jeff but Matt gets back into it and the two double suplex Mark Henry on the floor, causing the first ever earthquake in Indianapolis, Indiana.
Winner: Matt Hardy (via dq)
Match/Segment Rating: **
Comments: Damn racist WWE, making the black man look bad….
World Heavyweight Championship Match- C.M. Punk© vs. John “Bradshaw†Layfield
JBL bullies Punk with his power around for the first bit of the match. CM fights back into it with his trusty legs. Some back and forth takes JBL outside and sees Punk doing a picture perfect torpedo dive through the ropes. Back into the ring we go and Punk hits a nice cross body on JBL but only gets a 1. JBL takes over with his very methodical and stiff offense starting with his trademarked punches in the corner. He then catches Punk on the top and hits the “Last Callâ€. Some more stiff offense from JBL leads to a bearhug from the big man. Punk breaks free and uses his legs again but JBL gets back into it using HIS feet, some tit for tat. JBL continues with some more pounding offense with more stuff shots and a nasty abdominal stretch. Punk manages to get him up for the GTS but JBL counters and hits a stiff clothesline. After that he goes into overkill mode just dropping elbow after elbow on Punk but is not able to put him away.
Punk starts to get back into it with his Jap offense. Punk springboards into the ring but gets caught for a nice powerslam for a 2. Some more back and forth leads to a super back suplex on Punk from the top that sees both men slam heads. OUCH. JBL gets up first and goes for the Hades Lariat but misses and Punk FINALLY gets the GTS for the win!
Winner: CM Punk
Match Rating: ***1/4
Comments: Pretty good match as both men worked their asses off. Definitely not spectacular, but still a solid bout, which is something you don’t always get from JBL considering he’s injured.
WWE Championship Match- Triple H © vs. The Great Khali
We get a staredown in the beginning and Khali shoves him, showing off his muscle. HHH comes back with some right hands and shows off his quickness dodging the big dumbass. H goes for the kill early on but The Great Khali gets out of the pedigree with ease. Some clubbing blows send The Game to his knees. Khali hits a surprising Khali Bomb not 4 minutes into the match and then after some untimely posing locks in the vice grip. H hits a few well placed elbows to break free and then elicits a great WOOOOOOOO from the crowd as he chop blocks The Great Khali to the ground. Khali rolls to the outside and HHH follows but gets taken into the timekeeper. Back in the ring, for the next 5 minutes or so, The Great Khali pretty much dominates HHH. I haven’t seen The Game take a beating like this since The Ultimate Warrior match at WM 12. But then again, that match give me goosebumps, this didn’t. At least for this part of the match. Khali’s offense was a bit TOO methodical. TGK slaps on the Watermelon Crusher on HHH and he sells the fuck out of it. But H manages to fight out get the comeback, and win.
Winner: Triple H
Match Rating: **
Comments: The fact that John Cena and HBK can get a better match out of guys like Umaga and Khali who are limited, Khali way moreso than Umaga, speaks volumes about those workers when comparing them to HHH.
John Cena vs. “The Animal†Batista
Both of these men come out to the loudest reaction of the night, in my opinion. Yes, even louder than the Undertakers who had been gone forever. The two men kind to soak in the environment and lock up. Batista and Cena show off their power with successive headshoulder blocks, first Batista, then Cena. We get some more back and forth until Batista goes for a Batista Bomb, Cena counters, but then Batista hits a nice big boot and then a jackhammer on Cener. However the Doctor comes back and hits his trademark fisherman’s suplex which leads to a two count for HIM. Another exchange of teased finishers again, this time though Batista reverses out of an F-U and hits a, WOOOOOOOOOOOOOO chop block. And then, in another homage to the departed (from the fed not from the world) Ric Flair, the Animal locks in a nice figure 4 leg lock which gets a nice pop from the crowd. Cena fights his way to the ropes and eventually gets there. Cena makes his way up and Batista charges. Cena ducks and takes him up for an F-U and tosses him down to the floor. Immediately after though, Cena collapses as his knee is still hurting. Somehow, Batista is the first one up and back into the ring. Cena however gives him a few one legged flying shoulder tackles.
Cena then postures for the 5-knuckle shuffle which gets a very loud but VERY MIXED reaction. He goes for it but Batista gets back into it with another stiff big boot. From here the Animal takes over with some hard splashes in the corner and a vicious spinebuster! Batista Warrior’s it up and gives Cena the thumbs down. Batista goes for ANOTHER Bomb but Cener takes a page out of big Dave’s book and takes a shot at his knee followed by locking in the STFU. Batista gets to the ropes and Cena breaks. Batista gets up and Cena goes for an F-U but Batista busts out the rarely seen muscleheaded rear naked choke. (Tazz’d). Cena breaks it but gets speared and almost beaten. Batisa goes for his Bomb yet AGAIN but this time Cena does some kidna insane reversal and DRILLS the Animal in an F-U. Cena makes the cover and this one was seemingly over, but it wasn’t! Cena cant believe it, and quite frankly, neither can I. Cena gets desperate and goes to the top rope and goes for his leg drop but Batista reverses it INTO A POWER BOMB! Sick, just sick. Batista makes the cover and its over. NO! Cener kicks out! Batista gets pissed (Hulk smash) and hits another ring shaking Batista Bomb and FINALLY gets the win.
Winner: “The Animal†Batista
Match Rating: ****
Comments: That was 100% better than I ever thought it could be. I had faith it would be good, but I didn’t think it would be that good!
Hell In A Cell/Grudge Match- Edge vs. The Undertaker
Edge comes out with a sick look on his face. He looks downright happy to get into the cell and looks even happier when Taker gets into the ring. Taker starts out dominating with the ham hocks and then throws Edge over the top rope to the floor, but not before Edge slams into the cage. UT continues his assault on the floor with some well placed head butts, the steel stairs, his patented apron leg drop, and using the cage to his advantage. Taker sets up the stairs in the ring and goes to toss Edge into them, but he gets reversed and Taker goes head first into the steel. Edge then SPEARS UT into the stairs. Edge then goes outside to get some toys set up for later all the while, coming back in and hammering down on Taker with his body and a steel chair. Edge sets up two tables on the outside and one in the ring. He pulls out a ladder and gives Taker the Mick Foley treatment from SD a few weeks ago! Can the UT still be taking shit like that? Edge sets Takers head on a steel chair and goes to get another one, setting up for a Con-Chair-To. The Deadman sits up, however and goes for a chokeslam that Edge fights out of. Taker then drops Edge with what looks like to be almost a KO punch. Action spills to the outside. Taker gets sent into the cage and Edge, using a loose pair of stairs, SPEARS TAKER THROUGH THE HELL IN A CELL!!!!!
Taker, somehow, manages to get up first and throws Edge into the barrier outside. Taker grabs a monitor but Edge kicks him, takes his own monitor and cracks UT with it. The two fight onto the tables leading to the Undertaker being SPEARED THROUGH THE ECW ANNOUNCE TABLE!! Christ, these guys are going to kill each other! They both manage to get up and exchange blows, working their way back into the cell. Taker takeRs over when they get back in using a camera on Edge, ala Armageddon last year. Edge reverses the Last Ride into the Impailer but only gets a 2. Taker fights back but gets SPEARED but only gets a 2! Taker gets the Last Ride but only gets a 2! We get more back and forth from both until Edge goes for the ultimate insult and tries to do OLD SCHOOL on Taker! But it is not to be as The Undertaker CHOKESLAMS HIM through the 2 set up tables outside! That’s got to be enough, but not for UT. He imposes his will on Edge throwing everything at the Rated R Superstar. A chokeslam through the tables, another camera shot to the head, a SPEAR (SD vs. Raw’d), a Con-Chair-To, and FINALLY a tombstone.
Winner: The Undertaker
Match Rating: *****
Comments: Jesus Christ that was a hell of a match! I don’t really think all of that at the end was necessary, but Taker sure made his point! But wait, whats this? Taker isnt done!? Taker comes BACK from the aisle, into the Cell, and drags Edge up a ladder. He tells Edge YOU ARE GOING TO HELL, and boy was he right as Edge is CHOKESLAMMED THROUGH THE RING. Taker then poses and fire shoots up through the ring! Motherfucker!!!!!
HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOLY shit! That was a hell of a match, a great way to end what was a pretty good PPV overall. I think the WWE has done well by us, for the most part, when it comes to PPVs this year. Well that’s it for this No Smark Zone. Don’t forget to read my Smackdown Review and SPs infrequent Raw Review. >_> Until next time!
