Hello ladies and gents, Kaedon is back coming to you from the cheese state with another scintillating edition of the No Smark Zone. This week we will get my draft predictions and crown a Wrestlemania 24 MVP. But first, we have my Wrestlemania Review.
As big a wrestling fan/aficionado as I am, or at least claim to be, this was only the 5th or 6th Wrestlemania I actually saw on PPV. The first one was WM 10. I was just a lad back then and I was hanging with a good friend and his family and a few other buds. He had a big TV for the time and we had a rawkus time. Seeing HBK fly off the ladder like he did brought us to our feet. In the later years, I hooked up with some friends in college who like wrestling. For 20 we hooked up my WWE.com PPV account to this guys TV. For 21 my best friend and I almost fell asleep during the ME. For WM 22, I got a projector in my dorm room and used a whole wall as a TV. And last year I got together with some friends. WM is a time to be around people, something I may not like to do ALL the time, but for my money, the louder and more boisterous, the better. With that in mind, this year I went to a sports bar and watched what was billed to be one of the biggest Wrestlemania’s of all time. For the first time in a LONG time, they had major celebs and on paper had probably the best potential match ups they could have had. There were no style clashes at all. Everyone’s ring styles complimented or mirrored each others PERFECTLY, which is another thing Mania doesn’t always have. And finally, we have the crowd I was with. Loud, rowdy, and drunk! God damn, these are the times that make me love wrestling all the more.
JBL vs. Finlay in a Belfast Brawl
Well this was not the match I saw as the opener but its still a solid choice none the less. This match gives us pretty much everything we were going to get from it, brawling, weapon, and some good stiff shots. JBL takes over early with his methodical and punishing offense but Finlay gets away and gets some weapons. We get a lot of use of the good old cookie sheets and trash can lids in this one. I love how they sound, and they totally echo. Finlay take over with some good use of the weapons at his disposal. The Irishman does something I don’t think I have EVER seen him do, and that is go to the air. That’s right, Finlay did a suicide dive through the ropes and got drilled in the head with a garbage can lid for his trouble. JBL takes back over and even abuses poor Hornswaggle, taking his eye off the ball. This allows Finlay to drill him through the table set up in the ring earlier. But its not enough to keep the Texican down. Finlay looks like he is going to finish JBL off but gets a kendo stick to the leg and clothesline from hell to seal the deal.
That was a good match overall to start off the show. It was given more than enough time and it had sufficient use of spots and psychology. Overall, a good entertaining match.
Winner: John “Bradshaw†Layfield
Match Rating: ***
MVP vs. CM Punk vs. Y2J vs. John Morrison vs. Shelton Benjamin vs. Carlito vs. Mr. Kennedy in the Money In The Bank Ladder Match
Ahhh yes, I love this match. As much as I hate spotfest matches, the WWE wrestlers almost always are good enough in working the gimmick of the match that the spots work to further the match itself. In fact, it starts off perfectly as EVERYONE goes out try and grab a ladder. We have 4 MITB vets and 3 n00bs this year. Now I have come to expect a lot from this match, especially from Shelton Benjamin. But this year, the guy who really stood out to me was John Morrison. What’s the first thing he does? A fucking moonsault with a ladder. Christ. He sort of missed it but he also did pretty much a complete flip too which was just awesome to see. And what the hell are they making those ladders out of that they break so easily? So unlike last year where everyone had a spot to shine, this was just action, action, action. MVP clears the ring at the beginning, thinking he’s the shit and gets a face full of ladder for his trouble. Jericho and Kennedy are going up for the case when we get a double springboard from Morrison and Benjamin onto the waiting ladders in the ring. The spot of the match came kind of early as we got a 3 man sunset flip/powerbomb/suplex combo. Truly a sight to behold. Its pretty hectic but it dies down leaving Carlito alone but Shelton hits his back spin kick and ends that. Shelton climbs and almost has it when WHAM he gets shoved off the top of the ladder and breaks ANOTHER ladder waiting on the concrete. Morrison scurries up the ladder and goes for the gold but Y2J stops him and applies a bow and arrow type submission on him over the top of the ladder. Just brutal. Jericho I left all alone but Carlito stops him and gives him a back cracker off the ladder. This takes EVERYONE out of the ring and MVP sees his chance. MVP walks up the ladder, smiling, taking his time when out of nowhere comes the avenging Matt Hardy who hits a Twist of Fate on MVP off the ladder. Somehow they maneuver the ladders so one of them is standing straight up while folded and the WWEs new version of Spiderman, John Morrison climbs STRAIGHT up and almost gets to the briefcase until he gets tossed off. Jericho is up here again when Carlito spits apple in his face, knocking him off. Carlito actually touches the case but Kennedy throws him down. Kennedy gets the case but is knocked off by Punker. KYJ hits a codebreaker with a LADDER on Punk and that’s it. Jericho goes up the ladder and grabs the case. BUT WAIT, Punk makes it up and tangles Chris Jericho’s leg up in the rungs. NO ONE CAN STOP HIM! CM Punk grabs it and its over!
Winner: CM Punk
Match Rating: ****
Did anyone else laugh hard at Snoop using Festus and the bell to get rid of Santino? And even funnier was Foley giving us a little Dizzle Lizzle with the “owwwwwwwwwwwwwww have mercaaaaaaaaayâ€.
“The Animal†Batista vs. “The Samoan Bulldozer†Umaga
The two men stare at each other when they come to the ring. The bell goes off and so do the participants as Umaga and Batista just go at each other with the ferocity that you’d think two “animals†would. Batista hits a big boot and thinks he has control but the Samoan savage comes back with a spinning back heel kick. Umaga takes over with his power sending Batista twice into the turnbuckles so hard he just falls straight down, I don’t think I’ve ever seen that. Youmanga keeps up the methodical offense for most of the match. Umaga keeps Batista grounded with a nerve hold but the Animal fights out of it until Umaga hits him with a Samoan Spinebuster. That’s it. Here comes the Samoan Spike but Batista blocks it! The Animal hits a spinebuster and then gets pumped up, hits a violent Batista Bomb and that’s it.
Winner: Batista
Match Rating: **3/4
Chavo Guerrero vs. Kane for the ECW Title
Kane comes in behind him and drills his ass with a chokeslam in what I believe to be the SHORTEST match in Wrestlemania history!
Winner: Kane
Segment Rating: *** (it was entertaining, I don’t give a fuck what anyone says)
“The Heartbreak Kid†Shawn Michaels vs. “The Nature Boy†Ric Flair
In what has been hyped to be one of the biggest matches in the history of the show, two legends collide. Ric Flair comes out with an amazing new robe and boots. And when we get started, we see Flair looking like he is in the best shape he’s been in for at least 10 years, if not his whole career. I think they could have made it a little less obvious, but the WWE production team placed an extra mic under the ring so the CHOPS would really resonate through the crowd and even hear some of the in ring conversation. We start off with a chop fest and then Naitch starts yelling “OLD YELLER HUH!? OLD YELLER!?†HBK has no comeback except one of the stiffest slaps I have ever seen which actually bloodied the mouth of Ric Flair. He takes down HBK and goes for a cover but Michaels kicks out. HBK knocks Flair on his old keester and ascends the ropes, but the old dog till has some fight left in him and drops Shawn to the mat. Ric then gives us a taste of the old school Nature Boy when he hits what most would describe as an awkward looking cross body block (the same move he beat Harley Race and so many other men with) for a 2 count. HBK tosses Flair out and hits a baseball slide through the ropes sending Ric into the Raw table. It’s time to go to flying school as HBK goes for a moonsault from the second rope but misses Flair, crashing rib first into the table. Even the most jaded smark has to say “that shit looked like it hurt.†Flair gets him back in the ring and then gets some more old school offense in on him with a classic Ric Flair delayed vertical suplex. This isnt enough to keep The Heartbreak Kid down as he gets back up and hits a swigning neckbreaker on Flair. Ric goes to the outside and HBK, once again, ascends the ropes. He tries a moonsault from the top rope but only gets a glancing blow on The Nature Boy. Both of them barely make it back into the ring by a count of 9. The chop fest resumes until HBK hits his patented flying forearm. The Showstopper is here as he nips up goes to the top, and hits his flying elbow. HBK tunes up the band and goes for SCM but hesitates and Ric locks in his patented figure 4! Michaels manages to escape and we get a few more chop. Flair then goes old school, yet again, hitting a double underhook suplex. Flair turns his back for ONE SECOND and WHAM he gets hit with the Superkick. HBK tries to pick up Flair but with the ref out of position, Ric shows why he is the dirtiest player in the game and low blows HBK. But Shawn manages to lock in his new submission on Flair but Ric WONT GIVE UP! Flair pulls the turnbuckle pad off the corner, distracting the ref, allowing a thumb to the eye. Some more punches and chops are exchanged and ANOTHER Sweet Chin Music hits Flair right on the button. HBK gets up and tells Flair to get up. Shawn doesn’t want to do it but Flair stands up half crying saying “BRING IT, HIT ME†and we get what is the most perfect shot of HBK saying “Im sorry, I love you†and he puts the final nail in Flair’s coffin. This match will live on forever in the history of Wrestlemania.
Winner: Shawn Michaels
Match Rating: *****
Maria & Ashley Mossaro vs. Beth Pheonix & Melina in a Playboy Bunnymania Lumberjack Match
This match was actually a hell of a lot better than I thought it would be. Everyone who was involved in this match stepped it up, especially Ashley who hit some damn good offense. The funniest part of the match is when the power went out. Ooo all those women, sweaty, in the dark. The lights come back on and Maria tags in. Shes about to beat Beth when Santino pulls her out. Beth hits her fishermans brainbuster for the win. After the match, Santino tries to manhandle Maria when Snoop Dizzle comes in and clotheslines his ass to a huge pop from the crowd. He then gets a kiss from Maria. Lucky fuck.
Winners: Beth Pheonix & Melina
Match Rating: **1/2
Randy Orton vs. Triple H vs. John Cena in a No Disqualification Triple Threat Match for the WWE Title
This was a huge surprise to me. I would have bet the farm on this match main eventing on the night. And also, no huge entrances either. Cena came out to a marching band playing his theme which was, different and kinda cool, but that’s it. Orton jump starts the match when he grabs the belt and drills HHH with it. Cena jumps on Randy with his usual series of offense. But that is short lived as HHH gets back into it. Cena gets H/Orton up for a double F-U but a low blow cuts that off. Orton gets up and starts working over both guys, he’s top dawg now. Orton goes to the top but Cena cuts him off. The Game puts John Cena on his shoulders and Randy it’s a crossbody block that Cena rolls through and almost turns into an F-U. HHH hits a clothesline on Cena and then Orton hits a clothesline on HHH. It’s fast paced. Orton even gets in his second rope DDT on both H and Cena. But from there on, when HHH and Cena fight back, Orton is their bitch. He cant get a word in edgewise as he is just PUNISHED time and again. The only offense he got in was an RKO on H that Cena broke up. He took all of Cena’s huge moves and had HHH working on his legs all match. Cena locks in the STFU but HHH stops him from tapping and then Hunter locks in THE CRIPPLER CROSSFACE on Cena but the fighter gets to the ropes. Both men stagger to their feet. Cena hits the protobomb and the 5k Shuffle. HHH reverses an F-U into a Pedigree which gets reversed and that reversal gets reversed. Trips hits a NASTY spinebuster on Cena! Another few counters and Cena eats a Pedigree sammich. HHH goes for the cover but Orton punts his head into the Atlantic Ocean, covers Cena, and RETAINS!! God damn! The WWE did it! They shocked us! The match was good but it was all too short for my liking. 5 more minutes could have done WONDERS for the match.
Winner: Randy Orton
Match Rating: ***1/2
The Big Show vs. Floyd “Money†Mayweather in a No Holds Barred Match
MM kept away from Show as long as he could, sticking and moving. The bar I was at was getting pissed at him for being such a pussy. But as soon as Show got a hold of him, the place ERRUPTED. I loved it. I was hoping the Show would beat the living crap out of him. I got some particular satisfaction when TBS would stand on him and just look at the guys posse and go “haha fuck you†I also loved it when Show stomped on Mayweathers hand. Floyd even pulled out the old “im outta hurr†tactic when he and his posse’ retreated. But the big man was NOT to be denied. The Big Show, though, makes the biggest mistake you can make in wresting and that’s taking your eye off the ball. As TBS is about to chokeslam Mayweather, one of his big ass bodyguards taps Show with a chair, and it doesn’t phase him. But MM gets the chair and swing for the fences. He chops down the big man with shot after shot until Show is on one knee, the only place Show said Mayweather could beat him. Floyd takes off his gloves and reveals a taped fist. Not only that, he grabs some brass knucks and knocks Big Show the fuck OUT.
Winner: Floyd “Money†Mayweather via KO
Match Rating: ***
The Undertaker vs. Edge for the World Heavyweight Championship
We have finally come to it. The end of the world. Randy Orton has won at Wrestlemania AND Smackdown is main eventing the PPV. The end is NIGH! The match starts off quick as Edge shoves the Deadman and gets some fists in the face. Edge eats all of Takers fury, even when countering OLD SCHOOL, Edge cant come out on top. On the apron Taker sends Edge into the security railing and almost breaks it! Back in the ring Taker is still dealing out the pain but Edge finally breaks the momentum and heads to the top rope. That is all for naught as Undertaker shoves him off to the floor. The Deadman then gives us another WM moment when he swan dives over the top rope onto Edge! Back in the ring, Taker goes for the Last Ride but his back gives out and Edge takes over. From here on in, it is VERY methodical. Like more methodical than the Umaga/Batista match. Edge just POUNDS Taker down with everything he has. The Rated R Superstar works over the leg and back mostly. And everytime we think the challenger is going to come back, Edge has a counter. I have never seen someone counter Taker that much. The Last Ride, Old School, a chokeslam, a splash in the corner, Edge had an answer for EVERYTHING Taker had. After a counter of Old School Edge hits the top rope superplex and that looks like that’s it. But its not enough. Taker gets up, hits the snake eyes and the big boot on Edge. Taker goes for the Last Ride, countered. Taker hits a big boot on the ref when Edge moves He gets up and manages a tombstone attempt, COUNTERED by Edge. The champ tries his own tombstone but its reversed and Taker drills him. No ref! Lil Naitch sets the 440 record getting down there for a TWO count. The Edgeheads run intereference and get fucked up for their troubles. Edge hits a SPEAR on Taker but HE KICKS OUT! Edge goes for ANOTHER and drills Undertaker, but UT locks in his choke submission! EDGE TAPS!!! The Undertaker is 16-0!
Winner: The Undertaker
Match Rating: ****
That was a hell of a way to end the PPV! It was a damn good match, even if it was a little too slow at some points, but hey, I think, overall, it was the best match to close WM since 20. Overall, despite what some cynics might think, I believe this was one of the best overall Wrestlemanias I have ever seen. It had a little bit of everything so everyone could be happy. You want a technical match? The main event sure covered that. You want a straight up brawl? Well, JBL/Finlay was just that. How about a great story told in the ring? Ric Flair and HBK certainly did that. You want fast and furious action? Check out this years Money In The Bank ladder match. How about stars? The triple threat Raw main event was comprised of arguably the three biggest stars in the company. I know some of you want vengeance, you have someone who you don’t like. The guy or girl is just a prick and you don’t like them. Wrestlemania 24 has that covered too as Big Show took on Mayweather and the crowd was HOT for it. And for those of you who think wrestling is predictable, look no further than CM Punk, Randy Orton, and Kane and tell me you saw all of those coming. Yeah, this years Mania had it all. It was just a solid card from head to toe, which is a far cry from pretty much every Mania I have ever seen. Usually there is one match where I go “ahh fuck this match†but this year, even the Diva’s surprised me!
Now, usually the Raw after Wrestlemania is a show where the WWE starts setting up the next feuds or continuing ones they have going. But something I noticed was, this time, it really wasn’t about that. I mean other than the shit with Orton/JBL/Hardy, there really was no progression. Maria closed the book on Santino, Jericho and Punk had an awesome match, and Cryme Tyme made their triumphant return. Oh, well I guess the WWE did do something with Big Show and Khali, so that’s good. But I guess where I am going with this is, where do we go from here? We have Khali/Show, maybe, but that’s about it. I’m betting we will see MVP and Matt Hardy finally finish off their feud, but then why was Matt on Raw? Was it a one time deal? And what was the deal with JBL? Is Randy Orton turning face? Is the WWE taking a page out of TNA’s book and “crossing the line� (god damn I hope not) What is CM Punk gonna do with his wacky briefcase of tricks? Will he WASTE it on the ECW Title? And how about Kane? Are the WWE actually going to waste time on a Chavo/Kane feud? And will Kane get a belt that doesn’t look like a toy when its around his waist? Finally we come to Smackdown, which has just as many questions. Like, why would anyone watch this crap? No, I’m kidding. But will Edge give up on his pursuit of the title? Not bloody likely as I don’t see him feuding with anyone else right now on SD since Rey Rey is out. Oh yeah, I forgot the other thing the WWE set up on Raw, Batista and HBK, which I really like, btw. So as we stand now, we have potential feuds between Kane and Chavo, Batista and HBK, Edge and Taker, Matt Hardy and MVP, JBL and Randy Orton, and Big Show and Khali. That leaves a hell of a lot of ground to cover. CM Punk, Umaga, Triple H, John Cena, Finlay and Hornswaggle, Miz and Morrison, Holly and Rhodes, Y2J, Santino, Carlito, Shelton Benjamin and MISTERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR KEN-NA-DAYYYY, none of these guys have a feud. What’s next? All I can say for right now is, I sure as hell cant wait to see!
Well that does it for this week’ No Smark Zone. I might have to do these a little more infrequently as I just FINALLY got a job that’s gonna take up most of my time, so if I don’t do a weekly one, that’s why. Before I go, I wanted to remind you that my homeboi Soulpower writes a very extreme and sometimes (>_>) entertaining review of ECW. If you want to check it out, they can be found hurrr http://www.impactwrestling.com/forum/forumdisplay.php?f=62
And if you want to read my weekly comments on SD go hurrr
http://www.impactwrestling.com/forum/forumdisplay.php?f=61
And don’t forget, if you like those, you can check out the rest of the columns too! Thanks for reading and, hopefully, we’ll see you next week!
As big a wrestling fan/aficionado as I am, or at least claim to be, this was only the 5th or 6th Wrestlemania I actually saw on PPV. The first one was WM 10. I was just a lad back then and I was hanging with a good friend and his family and a few other buds. He had a big TV for the time and we had a rawkus time. Seeing HBK fly off the ladder like he did brought us to our feet. In the later years, I hooked up with some friends in college who like wrestling. For 20 we hooked up my WWE.com PPV account to this guys TV. For 21 my best friend and I almost fell asleep during the ME. For WM 22, I got a projector in my dorm room and used a whole wall as a TV. And last year I got together with some friends. WM is a time to be around people, something I may not like to do ALL the time, but for my money, the louder and more boisterous, the better. With that in mind, this year I went to a sports bar and watched what was billed to be one of the biggest Wrestlemania’s of all time. For the first time in a LONG time, they had major celebs and on paper had probably the best potential match ups they could have had. There were no style clashes at all. Everyone’s ring styles complimented or mirrored each others PERFECTLY, which is another thing Mania doesn’t always have. And finally, we have the crowd I was with. Loud, rowdy, and drunk! God damn, these are the times that make me love wrestling all the more.
JBL vs. Finlay in a Belfast Brawl
Well this was not the match I saw as the opener but its still a solid choice none the less. This match gives us pretty much everything we were going to get from it, brawling, weapon, and some good stiff shots. JBL takes over early with his methodical and punishing offense but Finlay gets away and gets some weapons. We get a lot of use of the good old cookie sheets and trash can lids in this one. I love how they sound, and they totally echo. Finlay take over with some good use of the weapons at his disposal. The Irishman does something I don’t think I have EVER seen him do, and that is go to the air. That’s right, Finlay did a suicide dive through the ropes and got drilled in the head with a garbage can lid for his trouble. JBL takes back over and even abuses poor Hornswaggle, taking his eye off the ball. This allows Finlay to drill him through the table set up in the ring earlier. But its not enough to keep the Texican down. Finlay looks like he is going to finish JBL off but gets a kendo stick to the leg and clothesline from hell to seal the deal.
That was a good match overall to start off the show. It was given more than enough time and it had sufficient use of spots and psychology. Overall, a good entertaining match.
Winner: John “Bradshaw†Layfield
Match Rating: ***
MVP vs. CM Punk vs. Y2J vs. John Morrison vs. Shelton Benjamin vs. Carlito vs. Mr. Kennedy in the Money In The Bank Ladder Match
Ahhh yes, I love this match. As much as I hate spotfest matches, the WWE wrestlers almost always are good enough in working the gimmick of the match that the spots work to further the match itself. In fact, it starts off perfectly as EVERYONE goes out try and grab a ladder. We have 4 MITB vets and 3 n00bs this year. Now I have come to expect a lot from this match, especially from Shelton Benjamin. But this year, the guy who really stood out to me was John Morrison. What’s the first thing he does? A fucking moonsault with a ladder. Christ. He sort of missed it but he also did pretty much a complete flip too which was just awesome to see. And what the hell are they making those ladders out of that they break so easily? So unlike last year where everyone had a spot to shine, this was just action, action, action. MVP clears the ring at the beginning, thinking he’s the shit and gets a face full of ladder for his trouble. Jericho and Kennedy are going up for the case when we get a double springboard from Morrison and Benjamin onto the waiting ladders in the ring. The spot of the match came kind of early as we got a 3 man sunset flip/powerbomb/suplex combo. Truly a sight to behold. Its pretty hectic but it dies down leaving Carlito alone but Shelton hits his back spin kick and ends that. Shelton climbs and almost has it when WHAM he gets shoved off the top of the ladder and breaks ANOTHER ladder waiting on the concrete. Morrison scurries up the ladder and goes for the gold but Y2J stops him and applies a bow and arrow type submission on him over the top of the ladder. Just brutal. Jericho I left all alone but Carlito stops him and gives him a back cracker off the ladder. This takes EVERYONE out of the ring and MVP sees his chance. MVP walks up the ladder, smiling, taking his time when out of nowhere comes the avenging Matt Hardy who hits a Twist of Fate on MVP off the ladder. Somehow they maneuver the ladders so one of them is standing straight up while folded and the WWEs new version of Spiderman, John Morrison climbs STRAIGHT up and almost gets to the briefcase until he gets tossed off. Jericho is up here again when Carlito spits apple in his face, knocking him off. Carlito actually touches the case but Kennedy throws him down. Kennedy gets the case but is knocked off by Punker. KYJ hits a codebreaker with a LADDER on Punk and that’s it. Jericho goes up the ladder and grabs the case. BUT WAIT, Punk makes it up and tangles Chris Jericho’s leg up in the rungs. NO ONE CAN STOP HIM! CM Punk grabs it and its over!
Winner: CM Punk
Match Rating: ****
Did anyone else laugh hard at Snoop using Festus and the bell to get rid of Santino? And even funnier was Foley giving us a little Dizzle Lizzle with the “owwwwwwwwwwwwwww have mercaaaaaaaaayâ€.
“The Animal†Batista vs. “The Samoan Bulldozer†Umaga
The two men stare at each other when they come to the ring. The bell goes off and so do the participants as Umaga and Batista just go at each other with the ferocity that you’d think two “animals†would. Batista hits a big boot and thinks he has control but the Samoan savage comes back with a spinning back heel kick. Umaga takes over with his power sending Batista twice into the turnbuckles so hard he just falls straight down, I don’t think I’ve ever seen that. Youmanga keeps up the methodical offense for most of the match. Umaga keeps Batista grounded with a nerve hold but the Animal fights out of it until Umaga hits him with a Samoan Spinebuster. That’s it. Here comes the Samoan Spike but Batista blocks it! The Animal hits a spinebuster and then gets pumped up, hits a violent Batista Bomb and that’s it.
Winner: Batista
Match Rating: **3/4
Chavo Guerrero vs. Kane for the ECW Title
Kane comes in behind him and drills his ass with a chokeslam in what I believe to be the SHORTEST match in Wrestlemania history!
Winner: Kane
Segment Rating: *** (it was entertaining, I don’t give a fuck what anyone says)
“The Heartbreak Kid†Shawn Michaels vs. “The Nature Boy†Ric Flair
In what has been hyped to be one of the biggest matches in the history of the show, two legends collide. Ric Flair comes out with an amazing new robe and boots. And when we get started, we see Flair looking like he is in the best shape he’s been in for at least 10 years, if not his whole career. I think they could have made it a little less obvious, but the WWE production team placed an extra mic under the ring so the CHOPS would really resonate through the crowd and even hear some of the in ring conversation. We start off with a chop fest and then Naitch starts yelling “OLD YELLER HUH!? OLD YELLER!?†HBK has no comeback except one of the stiffest slaps I have ever seen which actually bloodied the mouth of Ric Flair. He takes down HBK and goes for a cover but Michaels kicks out. HBK knocks Flair on his old keester and ascends the ropes, but the old dog till has some fight left in him and drops Shawn to the mat. Ric then gives us a taste of the old school Nature Boy when he hits what most would describe as an awkward looking cross body block (the same move he beat Harley Race and so many other men with) for a 2 count. HBK tosses Flair out and hits a baseball slide through the ropes sending Ric into the Raw table. It’s time to go to flying school as HBK goes for a moonsault from the second rope but misses Flair, crashing rib first into the table. Even the most jaded smark has to say “that shit looked like it hurt.†Flair gets him back in the ring and then gets some more old school offense in on him with a classic Ric Flair delayed vertical suplex. This isnt enough to keep The Heartbreak Kid down as he gets back up and hits a swigning neckbreaker on Flair. Ric goes to the outside and HBK, once again, ascends the ropes. He tries a moonsault from the top rope but only gets a glancing blow on The Nature Boy. Both of them barely make it back into the ring by a count of 9. The chop fest resumes until HBK hits his patented flying forearm. The Showstopper is here as he nips up goes to the top, and hits his flying elbow. HBK tunes up the band and goes for SCM but hesitates and Ric locks in his patented figure 4! Michaels manages to escape and we get a few more chop. Flair then goes old school, yet again, hitting a double underhook suplex. Flair turns his back for ONE SECOND and WHAM he gets hit with the Superkick. HBK tries to pick up Flair but with the ref out of position, Ric shows why he is the dirtiest player in the game and low blows HBK. But Shawn manages to lock in his new submission on Flair but Ric WONT GIVE UP! Flair pulls the turnbuckle pad off the corner, distracting the ref, allowing a thumb to the eye. Some more punches and chops are exchanged and ANOTHER Sweet Chin Music hits Flair right on the button. HBK gets up and tells Flair to get up. Shawn doesn’t want to do it but Flair stands up half crying saying “BRING IT, HIT ME†and we get what is the most perfect shot of HBK saying “Im sorry, I love you†and he puts the final nail in Flair’s coffin. This match will live on forever in the history of Wrestlemania.
Winner: Shawn Michaels
Match Rating: *****
Maria & Ashley Mossaro vs. Beth Pheonix & Melina in a Playboy Bunnymania Lumberjack Match
This match was actually a hell of a lot better than I thought it would be. Everyone who was involved in this match stepped it up, especially Ashley who hit some damn good offense. The funniest part of the match is when the power went out. Ooo all those women, sweaty, in the dark. The lights come back on and Maria tags in. Shes about to beat Beth when Santino pulls her out. Beth hits her fishermans brainbuster for the win. After the match, Santino tries to manhandle Maria when Snoop Dizzle comes in and clotheslines his ass to a huge pop from the crowd. He then gets a kiss from Maria. Lucky fuck.
Winners: Beth Pheonix & Melina
Match Rating: **1/2
Randy Orton vs. Triple H vs. John Cena in a No Disqualification Triple Threat Match for the WWE Title
This was a huge surprise to me. I would have bet the farm on this match main eventing on the night. And also, no huge entrances either. Cena came out to a marching band playing his theme which was, different and kinda cool, but that’s it. Orton jump starts the match when he grabs the belt and drills HHH with it. Cena jumps on Randy with his usual series of offense. But that is short lived as HHH gets back into it. Cena gets H/Orton up for a double F-U but a low blow cuts that off. Orton gets up and starts working over both guys, he’s top dawg now. Orton goes to the top but Cena cuts him off. The Game puts John Cena on his shoulders and Randy it’s a crossbody block that Cena rolls through and almost turns into an F-U. HHH hits a clothesline on Cena and then Orton hits a clothesline on HHH. It’s fast paced. Orton even gets in his second rope DDT on both H and Cena. But from there on, when HHH and Cena fight back, Orton is their bitch. He cant get a word in edgewise as he is just PUNISHED time and again. The only offense he got in was an RKO on H that Cena broke up. He took all of Cena’s huge moves and had HHH working on his legs all match. Cena locks in the STFU but HHH stops him from tapping and then Hunter locks in THE CRIPPLER CROSSFACE on Cena but the fighter gets to the ropes. Both men stagger to their feet. Cena hits the protobomb and the 5k Shuffle. HHH reverses an F-U into a Pedigree which gets reversed and that reversal gets reversed. Trips hits a NASTY spinebuster on Cena! Another few counters and Cena eats a Pedigree sammich. HHH goes for the cover but Orton punts his head into the Atlantic Ocean, covers Cena, and RETAINS!! God damn! The WWE did it! They shocked us! The match was good but it was all too short for my liking. 5 more minutes could have done WONDERS for the match.
Winner: Randy Orton
Match Rating: ***1/2
The Big Show vs. Floyd “Money†Mayweather in a No Holds Barred Match
MM kept away from Show as long as he could, sticking and moving. The bar I was at was getting pissed at him for being such a pussy. But as soon as Show got a hold of him, the place ERRUPTED. I loved it. I was hoping the Show would beat the living crap out of him. I got some particular satisfaction when TBS would stand on him and just look at the guys posse and go “haha fuck you†I also loved it when Show stomped on Mayweathers hand. Floyd even pulled out the old “im outta hurr†tactic when he and his posse’ retreated. But the big man was NOT to be denied. The Big Show, though, makes the biggest mistake you can make in wresting and that’s taking your eye off the ball. As TBS is about to chokeslam Mayweather, one of his big ass bodyguards taps Show with a chair, and it doesn’t phase him. But MM gets the chair and swing for the fences. He chops down the big man with shot after shot until Show is on one knee, the only place Show said Mayweather could beat him. Floyd takes off his gloves and reveals a taped fist. Not only that, he grabs some brass knucks and knocks Big Show the fuck OUT.
Winner: Floyd “Money†Mayweather via KO
Match Rating: ***
The Undertaker vs. Edge for the World Heavyweight Championship
We have finally come to it. The end of the world. Randy Orton has won at Wrestlemania AND Smackdown is main eventing the PPV. The end is NIGH! The match starts off quick as Edge shoves the Deadman and gets some fists in the face. Edge eats all of Takers fury, even when countering OLD SCHOOL, Edge cant come out on top. On the apron Taker sends Edge into the security railing and almost breaks it! Back in the ring Taker is still dealing out the pain but Edge finally breaks the momentum and heads to the top rope. That is all for naught as Undertaker shoves him off to the floor. The Deadman then gives us another WM moment when he swan dives over the top rope onto Edge! Back in the ring, Taker goes for the Last Ride but his back gives out and Edge takes over. From here on in, it is VERY methodical. Like more methodical than the Umaga/Batista match. Edge just POUNDS Taker down with everything he has. The Rated R Superstar works over the leg and back mostly. And everytime we think the challenger is going to come back, Edge has a counter. I have never seen someone counter Taker that much. The Last Ride, Old School, a chokeslam, a splash in the corner, Edge had an answer for EVERYTHING Taker had. After a counter of Old School Edge hits the top rope superplex and that looks like that’s it. But its not enough. Taker gets up, hits the snake eyes and the big boot on Edge. Taker goes for the Last Ride, countered. Taker hits a big boot on the ref when Edge moves He gets up and manages a tombstone attempt, COUNTERED by Edge. The champ tries his own tombstone but its reversed and Taker drills him. No ref! Lil Naitch sets the 440 record getting down there for a TWO count. The Edgeheads run intereference and get fucked up for their troubles. Edge hits a SPEAR on Taker but HE KICKS OUT! Edge goes for ANOTHER and drills Undertaker, but UT locks in his choke submission! EDGE TAPS!!! The Undertaker is 16-0!
Winner: The Undertaker
Match Rating: ****
That was a hell of a way to end the PPV! It was a damn good match, even if it was a little too slow at some points, but hey, I think, overall, it was the best match to close WM since 20. Overall, despite what some cynics might think, I believe this was one of the best overall Wrestlemanias I have ever seen. It had a little bit of everything so everyone could be happy. You want a technical match? The main event sure covered that. You want a straight up brawl? Well, JBL/Finlay was just that. How about a great story told in the ring? Ric Flair and HBK certainly did that. You want fast and furious action? Check out this years Money In The Bank ladder match. How about stars? The triple threat Raw main event was comprised of arguably the three biggest stars in the company. I know some of you want vengeance, you have someone who you don’t like. The guy or girl is just a prick and you don’t like them. Wrestlemania 24 has that covered too as Big Show took on Mayweather and the crowd was HOT for it. And for those of you who think wrestling is predictable, look no further than CM Punk, Randy Orton, and Kane and tell me you saw all of those coming. Yeah, this years Mania had it all. It was just a solid card from head to toe, which is a far cry from pretty much every Mania I have ever seen. Usually there is one match where I go “ahh fuck this match†but this year, even the Diva’s surprised me!
Now, usually the Raw after Wrestlemania is a show where the WWE starts setting up the next feuds or continuing ones they have going. But something I noticed was, this time, it really wasn’t about that. I mean other than the shit with Orton/JBL/Hardy, there really was no progression. Maria closed the book on Santino, Jericho and Punk had an awesome match, and Cryme Tyme made their triumphant return. Oh, well I guess the WWE did do something with Big Show and Khali, so that’s good. But I guess where I am going with this is, where do we go from here? We have Khali/Show, maybe, but that’s about it. I’m betting we will see MVP and Matt Hardy finally finish off their feud, but then why was Matt on Raw? Was it a one time deal? And what was the deal with JBL? Is Randy Orton turning face? Is the WWE taking a page out of TNA’s book and “crossing the line� (god damn I hope not) What is CM Punk gonna do with his wacky briefcase of tricks? Will he WASTE it on the ECW Title? And how about Kane? Are the WWE actually going to waste time on a Chavo/Kane feud? And will Kane get a belt that doesn’t look like a toy when its around his waist? Finally we come to Smackdown, which has just as many questions. Like, why would anyone watch this crap? No, I’m kidding. But will Edge give up on his pursuit of the title? Not bloody likely as I don’t see him feuding with anyone else right now on SD since Rey Rey is out. Oh yeah, I forgot the other thing the WWE set up on Raw, Batista and HBK, which I really like, btw. So as we stand now, we have potential feuds between Kane and Chavo, Batista and HBK, Edge and Taker, Matt Hardy and MVP, JBL and Randy Orton, and Big Show and Khali. That leaves a hell of a lot of ground to cover. CM Punk, Umaga, Triple H, John Cena, Finlay and Hornswaggle, Miz and Morrison, Holly and Rhodes, Y2J, Santino, Carlito, Shelton Benjamin and MISTERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR KEN-NA-DAYYYY, none of these guys have a feud. What’s next? All I can say for right now is, I sure as hell cant wait to see!
Well that does it for this week’ No Smark Zone. I might have to do these a little more infrequently as I just FINALLY got a job that’s gonna take up most of my time, so if I don’t do a weekly one, that’s why. Before I go, I wanted to remind you that my homeboi Soulpower writes a very extreme and sometimes (>_>) entertaining review of ECW. If you want to check it out, they can be found hurrr http://www.impactwrestling.com/forum/forumdisplay.php?f=62
And if you want to read my weekly comments on SD go hurrr
http://www.impactwrestling.com/forum/forumdisplay.php?f=61
And don’t forget, if you like those, you can check out the rest of the columns too! Thanks for reading and, hopefully, we’ll see you next week!
