This is gonna be a pretty straight forward NSZ. I’m gonna finish out my 2007 awards and I will review the first PPV of the year, The Royal Rumble.
Match Of The Year
Now this is one where I am pretty much going to agree with EVERYONE. While there were, truly, some great matches this year; The Hardyz vs. The Worlds Greatest Tag Team from One Night Stand, H/Orton’s Last Man Standing match from No Mercy, and the just phenomenal matches that Batista and Undertaker had, John Cena vs. Shawn Michaels, from Raw in England, stands out as the best match of 2007. What’s even better is that I am pretty sure this match wasn’t sposed to happen because someone didn’t show up or whatever and these two had to carry the show. And carry it they did. This was, without a doubt, a 5 star match. Cena made up for horribly fucking over the match at WM by no selling his leg that was worked on for a good part of the match in this classic. And it was this match that made some hardcore Cena haters take a second look at the leader of the chain gang. And it’s also a testament to Shawn Michaels too. My god the guy is up there in years and he is STILL doing hour long matches. That is amazing for a guy who is 42 years old. And the best part about it, there was no one defining spot that “made†the match like say the end of Batista/Taker Last Man Standing or the missed splash in the Cena/Umaga battle at the Royal Rumble. No this match was just a intelligent, solid story that EVERYONE could understand. These are the matches that are 5 star matches. And that is why HBK vs. John Cena from Raw is Match Of The Year.
Rookie Of The Year
Should I even bother mentioning the other rookies? Santino sucked a lot after his initial face push. He has since then gotten RED HOT but that’s not enough for ROTY. The son of the Dream debuted this year to a lot of hype but he is clearly far from ready. He seems to have a lot of raw ability in that he has the look but he is just “himself†which isn’t very interesting. I always thought the WWE should try a “Natural†gimmick with him like WCW did for Dustin back in the day. Problem is, Cody isnt anywhere near as ring savvy but give it time and the kid is gonna do some great things. My homie from Milwaukee Shortstack The Worlds Sexiest Midget aka Hornswaggle also debuted this year. A lot of people don’t realize how hard he has worked to get where he is. And as much as people wanted Kennedy to be Vince’s son, this thing with Hornswaggle is always good for a laugh. And now they are actually developing it so I think it’s really good. But still, nowhere near enough for ROTY. We got two new tag teams in Jesse & Festus and The Major Brothers both of whom are great in their own rights. Jesse & Festus are just funny as hell, IMO and the newly named Edgeheads are dynamite as lackeys and will get a title run this year. But none of these people can even COMPARE to the trash talking, gold chain wearing, VIP room having, half man, half amazing Montel Vontavious Porter, M.V.P. It is just ridiculous how good he has become since he entered the WWE in late 2006. From everything from ring work, to promos, to interacting with the fans, the guy has just SKYROCKETED! He’s become so huge, I really wouldn’t be surprised if the WWE moves him to Raw after he eventually drops the US Title. And it’s really sad that Benoit had to go and do what he did because Benoit should be given a LOT of credit for helping make MVP what he as become. But all in all, there is no one who can even come close to being Rookie Of The Year than M.V.P.
Worst Gimmick Of The Year
There were a lot of Wacky gimmicks in 2007. Ron Simmons’ DAMN was still always entertaining, even when the WWE went over the top with the Dating Game thing. Hornswaggle is a great gimmick in that either you love it or you hate it, which is a must to be a draw. In the world of tag teams, we had blasts from the past in Deuce and Domino who were going strong for a good part of the year, even dethroning London and Kendrick over on SD. Cryme Tyme struck a chord with people too, saying they degraded the black race, etc. Over in the minor leagues, we had the redebuting of Dustin Rhodes as Black Reign. I mean really, it’s Blackdust, for the most part. But all in all, the dumbest gimmick that happened this year was “Team Packmanâ€. I have no clue as to who the hell thought this would be a good idea but they should be shot from a cannon into Big Daddy V’s tits. It wasn’t a TEAM it all, it was Killings doing everything because Packman couldn’t do shit. It was just crap all the way. Which is why Team Packman is the Worst Gimmick Of The Year.
Rising Star of 2007
A lot of guys improved in leaps and bounds this year. As I said before, Santino got stale really fast, and he turned into one of the hottest heels in the WWE. His promos are just fucking hilarious. Snitsky got a nice little push going that really went nowhere because the guy is just really, REALLY limited in the ring. Cade and Murdoch got really hot as a tag team, in part because of the vastly improved in ring skills of both of them. Ken Kennedy got a shot in the arm by winning Money In The Bank and being featured in a lot of main event matches and feuds. CM Punk saw his rise to fame thanks to his unique look and gimmick, along with a just great series of matches with John Morrison. And hell, take that same statement and say it about Johnny Nitro/Morrison. But there is no one who went from stagnant midcarder to main eventer faster than Jeff Hardy. He has just improved so much in this past year and at the end of 2007 and early 2008 he was given his first legit main event push. It just amazes me how far he has come. For most of the year he was just there in the midcard or teaming with brother Matt and he was floundering. I even think he made a Heat appearance or two and now he is one of the hottest superstars in the WWE. That’s why Jeff Hardy is the Rising Star of 2007.
Overall Superstar Of The Year
This one is actually kind of hard for a lot of reasons. First of all, there was an injury bug that struck in the WWE. Top draws like John Cena, Triple H, RVD, The Undertaker, Edge, King Booker, Rey Mysterio, Shawn Michaels, Ken Kennedy, and Bobby Lashley all fell prey to some pretty bad injuries. So that leaves 6 people who are truly worthy of Superstar Of the Year. They are; Christian Cage, Randy Orton, Kurt Angle, Batista, C.M. Punk, and M.V.P. It is really hard for me to look at Angle as the superstar of 2007 because he really is on the B show. TNA are so far below the WWE it’s hard to take any of their talent seriously, no matter how good they are in the ring. Bad booking, bad writing, and just not a lot of big time match ups are what take Kurt Angle out of the running. And I have to say the same thing for Christian Cage. It is really sad because even though he had some good matches and even a good feud here or there, there isn’t a lot of upside in TNA’s booking and writing which makes it really hard to take anyone they have on their roster seriously. That leaves us with Orton, Batista, Punk and MVP. These guys all had such an amazing year in 2007. CM Punk; man what a year. The highly touted recruit to the New Breed, a great showing in Money In The Bank, getting the ECW Title and holding onto it for a good chunk of the year and having a great feud with John Morrison. But he really didn’t have one match that made me go HOLY SHIT THAT WAS FUCKING AMAZING. I never got out of my seat and yelled a the TV when Punk was on. Same for Batista. While he had just a PHENOMINAL series of matches with The Undertaker early in the year, there really wasn’t a time where he made he get up and scream at the screen. MVP, on the other hand, holy shit, he had he hotter than anyone else. My god I remember when he finally turned on Hardy I was PIIIIIIIISED. I was yelling “YOU MOTHER FUCKING COCKSUKER†at the screen when he did that. Oh man was I pissed. Orton had me doing the same thing. His feud with Cena is what did it too, when he did that shit to Cena’s dad, oh man what a cocksucker. So it’s between MVP and Randy Orton. Man this is a hard one. Really, both of these guys did so much great shit in 2007. But overall, in 2007……the superstar of the year is……
Both of them. Fuck it. I cant choose. Both of these guys are just too good for me to choose. So your SuperstarS of 2007, MVP and Randy Orton!
Royal Rumble Review
The 21st Royal Rumble came from the worlds most famous area, Madison Square Garden. So many great matches have went down there. Would the WWE add some to that list? Id like to say that I have always been a fan of the Royal Rumble. I absolutely love the idea of the match because I am a fan of multiman matches. Historically, the Royal Rumble and Survivor Series were always my favorite PPVs to watch.
MVP vs. Ric Flair in a Career Threatening Match
The first PPV match of 2008 features one of the greatest of all time taking on someone who is sure to be known as the greatest of all time. Flair reminds us of the good ol days in a nice little promo that was cut off by the youngster from Miami. The match had a pretty quick pace to start off with. Not like an X-division match quick, but quick for a 90 year old man. This was your pretty standard fare from Ric Flair along with some unusual intensity from MVP. Not like hateful, just that he wanted to end the career of the greatest of all time. MVP played to the crowd, which is a LOST ART now a days. We had an extended false finish with Lil Natch counting regular sized Natch down for the three but then realizing Ric had his foot on the bottom rope. The match goes back and forth until MVP goes for his gay ass finisher and it gets reversed into a figure 4 leg lock that Flair almost falls while slapping it on, and MVP taps.
Winner: Ric Flair
Match Rating: **3/4
JBL vs. Chris Jericho
This was exactly what most of us thought it would be but a lot of people thought it wasn’t as good as I thought. One thing carried this match. Intensity. No other match on this card was as intense as this one. We got a stare down to start off and from there on in, it was a straight up brawl. And that’s what I think people didn’t like about it. I guess the botched bulldog might have been a factor too. But people expect high spots from Jericho and they didn’t get any here. The story was told very well in this 9 minute match that saw two men just try to kill each other, JBL work on Jericho’s neck, and then bust him open. KYJ gets the upperhand back but gets himself DQd with a nasty chair shot to JBLs face. Then the fun begins as Jericho HANGS JBL over the top rope. It was something the WWE hasn’t done in a while because back when they used to do it regularly, people complained to the sponsors. Good to see it come back again.
Winner: JBL
Match Rating: ***1/4
Edge vs. Rey Mysterio for the World Heavyweight Championship
Man I had such high hopes for this match. These guys were at one point, the best tag team the WWE had on Smackdown and now, they are facing off for the gold. To fuck Rey Mysterio over even more, Vickie Guerrero and The Edgeheads are at ringside. And the crowd, of course, hated on Rey Mysterio. Not a lot but there were tons of audible boos for Rey. Whatever. Anyway this match was far from what I thought it was gonna be and could be in the future. We get a fast start, of course. Rey botches a head scissors and turns it into a body scissors throw. Rey ends up on the outside shortly after when The Edgeheads try and jump and Rey but get caught by the ref who ejects them. Alright, way to assert your authority. Edge starts working on Rey’s leg for the rest of the match. He really beats that thing to shit but Rey starts a comeback. I couldn’t believe how good Rey did with his high flying action with one leg. Rey makes his one legged comeback and his about to polish off Edge when Vickie gets in the ring and throws herself on Edge. Vickie is out of the ring and Rey tries his splash but gets speared by Edge to finish it off.
Winner: Edge
Match Rating: ***
We had a nice little segment. Ashley wants Maria to pose in Playboy. Santino comes out and does his thing. The crowd eats it up, and it was funny as hell.
Randy Orton vs. Jeff Hardy for the WWE Championship
This match was way better than I thought it would be. The whole match Orton played the heel to the hilt. And unlike Edge, he worked the crowd to make sure he got as much heat as possible, because there were some “LETS GO ORTON†chants. So far, every match has had a botch, and this one had one too. After Jeff hit a great baseball slide on Orton, Jeff messed up his dive to the outside, but not too horribly. Orton decides he’s had enough and tries to leave but this allows him to get the upper hand by nailing a drop kick on a diving Jeff Hardy. Orton hits a suplex on the floor and throws Jeff back into the ring. Randy slows down the match with a GASP chinlock. Hardy fights out of it but Orton slaps it back on in more of a choke fashion with a body lock using his legs. Hardy breaks free again and hits a Whisper In The Wind that pretty much kicked Orton square in the head. Orton gets tossed to the out side and Jeff Hardy hits his two rope moonsault that looked like it almost killed Randy. Back in the ring, Jeff goes for the Twist of Fate when out of nowhere BAM RKO and its over.
Winner: Randy Orton
Match Rating: ****
The Royal Rumble Match
Now up until this point, all of my picks were right on. And going into it, The Undertaker was my dead set favorite. There was no way he was gonna lose. I’m sitting at my table, drinking my beer when I hear BONG……… Fffffffffffffuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck. I knew before the match even started, my pick was NOT gonna last. Son of a bitch. So I’m thinking I want to see Kane come out for 2 or Hornswaggle. But the most obvious choice, HBK came out as number 2. Well this was a nice surprise to start off the Rumble. I don’t think this has ever happened when the final two started out the next year. And then the mouth, Santino Marella comes out as 3 and promptly gets his ass beat and thrown out. Number 4 Khali doesn’t make it either as he is taken out in less than 90 seconds. We get a lull as Hardcore Holly, Morrison, and Dreamer come in. But the action picks up as The Animal Batista makes his entrance at 8. Wow, that’s something I didn’t expect. Batista runs roughshod over everyone until he has a staredown with Taker. Dreamer fucks it all up and gets tossed out by Batista. Everyones favorite Leprechaun comes in at 9 and goes under the ring.
Palumbo and Noble continue their feud at 10 and 11. Noble is eliminated quickly. Number 12 is CM Punk who hits the ring like a house of fire and he takes on everyone but Taker with his corner/knee/bulldog and tosses out Chucky boy. The son of the Dream is in next and almost takes out CM Punk. Umaga hits the ring next at 14 and just goes ballistic on everyone and ends it by eliminating Hardcore Holly with a Samoan Spike. Snitsky and The Miz are the next two in the ring. The Miz joins up with Johnny M in trying to take out Punk. Shelton is number 17 and shows off his athleticism but gets nailed in mid air with some Sweet Chin Music and is eliminated. Much to the surprise of the crowd, Roddy Piper and Jimmy Snuka are 18 and 19. They take us back to Pipers Pit sans coconut. Kane is 20 and eliminates both of the legends.
The ring starts to fill up more with Foley, Carlito, and Mr. Kennedy. As Big Daddy V enters the match, Snitsky is eliminated by Undertaker, who is eliminated by HBK, who is eliminated by Kennedy. Most of which, WE DON’T FUCKING SEE….until the replay. Taker is so mad he gives Snitsky a legdrop through the SD announce table. Hmmmmm will Snitsky END TAKERS STREAK!? Mark Henry comes in at 25. As he comes in, Miz is teetering when Hornswaggle pulls Miz’s hand and eliminates him. Number 26 is Chavo Guerrero for some fucking reason.
The WWE totally shit all over the ECW title. Horny tries to pull someone else out but ends up getting in the ring and caught in a Henry/V sammich. Finlay comes in early to save Horny and they both eliminate themselves. Elijah Burke hits the ring at 28 and at number 29 enters THE GAME who starts kicking ass and taking names. He takes out Rhodes, V, Foley, and Bruke all within 90 seconds.
Everyone is in who is spsoed to be. Who is number 30? The WWE really shoved a fist up the ass of the Smarks with this one as JOHN CENA’s music hits even stunning the MSG crowd. I got out of my seat and flipped out. HOLY SHIT people said around me. Yep, they got us. And now they match that everyone thought they had figured out became a whole new match. Our final three end up being Cena, HHH, and Batista. H takes out Batista and its down to Cena and H. HHH points at the WM sign in what was one of the best sights I have ever seen in the WWE. I dunno why, it just looked cool. They have some great back and forth action. Not as good as last years, but still great. After some close calls on both sides, Cena ends up FUing HHH out of the ring and wins the 2008 Royal Rumble!
Winner: John Cena
Match Rating: ****3/4
This might be a contender to be one of the greatest Royal Rumbles of all time. It was surprising, all of the stars weren’t saved for the end like usual, and the action was fast and furious all night. This, my friends, is a match of the year contender right here.
Well that’s all we have this week. Next week I will return with everyone’s favorite edition of the No Smark Zone, Fact Or Fiction.
Match Of The Year
Now this is one where I am pretty much going to agree with EVERYONE. While there were, truly, some great matches this year; The Hardyz vs. The Worlds Greatest Tag Team from One Night Stand, H/Orton’s Last Man Standing match from No Mercy, and the just phenomenal matches that Batista and Undertaker had, John Cena vs. Shawn Michaels, from Raw in England, stands out as the best match of 2007. What’s even better is that I am pretty sure this match wasn’t sposed to happen because someone didn’t show up or whatever and these two had to carry the show. And carry it they did. This was, without a doubt, a 5 star match. Cena made up for horribly fucking over the match at WM by no selling his leg that was worked on for a good part of the match in this classic. And it was this match that made some hardcore Cena haters take a second look at the leader of the chain gang. And it’s also a testament to Shawn Michaels too. My god the guy is up there in years and he is STILL doing hour long matches. That is amazing for a guy who is 42 years old. And the best part about it, there was no one defining spot that “made†the match like say the end of Batista/Taker Last Man Standing or the missed splash in the Cena/Umaga battle at the Royal Rumble. No this match was just a intelligent, solid story that EVERYONE could understand. These are the matches that are 5 star matches. And that is why HBK vs. John Cena from Raw is Match Of The Year.
Rookie Of The Year
Should I even bother mentioning the other rookies? Santino sucked a lot after his initial face push. He has since then gotten RED HOT but that’s not enough for ROTY. The son of the Dream debuted this year to a lot of hype but he is clearly far from ready. He seems to have a lot of raw ability in that he has the look but he is just “himself†which isn’t very interesting. I always thought the WWE should try a “Natural†gimmick with him like WCW did for Dustin back in the day. Problem is, Cody isnt anywhere near as ring savvy but give it time and the kid is gonna do some great things. My homie from Milwaukee Shortstack The Worlds Sexiest Midget aka Hornswaggle also debuted this year. A lot of people don’t realize how hard he has worked to get where he is. And as much as people wanted Kennedy to be Vince’s son, this thing with Hornswaggle is always good for a laugh. And now they are actually developing it so I think it’s really good. But still, nowhere near enough for ROTY. We got two new tag teams in Jesse & Festus and The Major Brothers both of whom are great in their own rights. Jesse & Festus are just funny as hell, IMO and the newly named Edgeheads are dynamite as lackeys and will get a title run this year. But none of these people can even COMPARE to the trash talking, gold chain wearing, VIP room having, half man, half amazing Montel Vontavious Porter, M.V.P. It is just ridiculous how good he has become since he entered the WWE in late 2006. From everything from ring work, to promos, to interacting with the fans, the guy has just SKYROCKETED! He’s become so huge, I really wouldn’t be surprised if the WWE moves him to Raw after he eventually drops the US Title. And it’s really sad that Benoit had to go and do what he did because Benoit should be given a LOT of credit for helping make MVP what he as become. But all in all, there is no one who can even come close to being Rookie Of The Year than M.V.P.
Worst Gimmick Of The Year
There were a lot of Wacky gimmicks in 2007. Ron Simmons’ DAMN was still always entertaining, even when the WWE went over the top with the Dating Game thing. Hornswaggle is a great gimmick in that either you love it or you hate it, which is a must to be a draw. In the world of tag teams, we had blasts from the past in Deuce and Domino who were going strong for a good part of the year, even dethroning London and Kendrick over on SD. Cryme Tyme struck a chord with people too, saying they degraded the black race, etc. Over in the minor leagues, we had the redebuting of Dustin Rhodes as Black Reign. I mean really, it’s Blackdust, for the most part. But all in all, the dumbest gimmick that happened this year was “Team Packmanâ€. I have no clue as to who the hell thought this would be a good idea but they should be shot from a cannon into Big Daddy V’s tits. It wasn’t a TEAM it all, it was Killings doing everything because Packman couldn’t do shit. It was just crap all the way. Which is why Team Packman is the Worst Gimmick Of The Year.
Rising Star of 2007
A lot of guys improved in leaps and bounds this year. As I said before, Santino got stale really fast, and he turned into one of the hottest heels in the WWE. His promos are just fucking hilarious. Snitsky got a nice little push going that really went nowhere because the guy is just really, REALLY limited in the ring. Cade and Murdoch got really hot as a tag team, in part because of the vastly improved in ring skills of both of them. Ken Kennedy got a shot in the arm by winning Money In The Bank and being featured in a lot of main event matches and feuds. CM Punk saw his rise to fame thanks to his unique look and gimmick, along with a just great series of matches with John Morrison. And hell, take that same statement and say it about Johnny Nitro/Morrison. But there is no one who went from stagnant midcarder to main eventer faster than Jeff Hardy. He has just improved so much in this past year and at the end of 2007 and early 2008 he was given his first legit main event push. It just amazes me how far he has come. For most of the year he was just there in the midcard or teaming with brother Matt and he was floundering. I even think he made a Heat appearance or two and now he is one of the hottest superstars in the WWE. That’s why Jeff Hardy is the Rising Star of 2007.
Overall Superstar Of The Year
This one is actually kind of hard for a lot of reasons. First of all, there was an injury bug that struck in the WWE. Top draws like John Cena, Triple H, RVD, The Undertaker, Edge, King Booker, Rey Mysterio, Shawn Michaels, Ken Kennedy, and Bobby Lashley all fell prey to some pretty bad injuries. So that leaves 6 people who are truly worthy of Superstar Of the Year. They are; Christian Cage, Randy Orton, Kurt Angle, Batista, C.M. Punk, and M.V.P. It is really hard for me to look at Angle as the superstar of 2007 because he really is on the B show. TNA are so far below the WWE it’s hard to take any of their talent seriously, no matter how good they are in the ring. Bad booking, bad writing, and just not a lot of big time match ups are what take Kurt Angle out of the running. And I have to say the same thing for Christian Cage. It is really sad because even though he had some good matches and even a good feud here or there, there isn’t a lot of upside in TNA’s booking and writing which makes it really hard to take anyone they have on their roster seriously. That leaves us with Orton, Batista, Punk and MVP. These guys all had such an amazing year in 2007. CM Punk; man what a year. The highly touted recruit to the New Breed, a great showing in Money In The Bank, getting the ECW Title and holding onto it for a good chunk of the year and having a great feud with John Morrison. But he really didn’t have one match that made me go HOLY SHIT THAT WAS FUCKING AMAZING. I never got out of my seat and yelled a the TV when Punk was on. Same for Batista. While he had just a PHENOMINAL series of matches with The Undertaker early in the year, there really wasn’t a time where he made he get up and scream at the screen. MVP, on the other hand, holy shit, he had he hotter than anyone else. My god I remember when he finally turned on Hardy I was PIIIIIIIISED. I was yelling “YOU MOTHER FUCKING COCKSUKER†at the screen when he did that. Oh man was I pissed. Orton had me doing the same thing. His feud with Cena is what did it too, when he did that shit to Cena’s dad, oh man what a cocksucker. So it’s between MVP and Randy Orton. Man this is a hard one. Really, both of these guys did so much great shit in 2007. But overall, in 2007……the superstar of the year is……
Both of them. Fuck it. I cant choose. Both of these guys are just too good for me to choose. So your SuperstarS of 2007, MVP and Randy Orton!
Royal Rumble Review
The 21st Royal Rumble came from the worlds most famous area, Madison Square Garden. So many great matches have went down there. Would the WWE add some to that list? Id like to say that I have always been a fan of the Royal Rumble. I absolutely love the idea of the match because I am a fan of multiman matches. Historically, the Royal Rumble and Survivor Series were always my favorite PPVs to watch.
MVP vs. Ric Flair in a Career Threatening Match
The first PPV match of 2008 features one of the greatest of all time taking on someone who is sure to be known as the greatest of all time. Flair reminds us of the good ol days in a nice little promo that was cut off by the youngster from Miami. The match had a pretty quick pace to start off with. Not like an X-division match quick, but quick for a 90 year old man. This was your pretty standard fare from Ric Flair along with some unusual intensity from MVP. Not like hateful, just that he wanted to end the career of the greatest of all time. MVP played to the crowd, which is a LOST ART now a days. We had an extended false finish with Lil Natch counting regular sized Natch down for the three but then realizing Ric had his foot on the bottom rope. The match goes back and forth until MVP goes for his gay ass finisher and it gets reversed into a figure 4 leg lock that Flair almost falls while slapping it on, and MVP taps.
Winner: Ric Flair
Match Rating: **3/4
JBL vs. Chris Jericho
This was exactly what most of us thought it would be but a lot of people thought it wasn’t as good as I thought. One thing carried this match. Intensity. No other match on this card was as intense as this one. We got a stare down to start off and from there on in, it was a straight up brawl. And that’s what I think people didn’t like about it. I guess the botched bulldog might have been a factor too. But people expect high spots from Jericho and they didn’t get any here. The story was told very well in this 9 minute match that saw two men just try to kill each other, JBL work on Jericho’s neck, and then bust him open. KYJ gets the upperhand back but gets himself DQd with a nasty chair shot to JBLs face. Then the fun begins as Jericho HANGS JBL over the top rope. It was something the WWE hasn’t done in a while because back when they used to do it regularly, people complained to the sponsors. Good to see it come back again.
Winner: JBL
Match Rating: ***1/4
Edge vs. Rey Mysterio for the World Heavyweight Championship
Man I had such high hopes for this match. These guys were at one point, the best tag team the WWE had on Smackdown and now, they are facing off for the gold. To fuck Rey Mysterio over even more, Vickie Guerrero and The Edgeheads are at ringside. And the crowd, of course, hated on Rey Mysterio. Not a lot but there were tons of audible boos for Rey. Whatever. Anyway this match was far from what I thought it was gonna be and could be in the future. We get a fast start, of course. Rey botches a head scissors and turns it into a body scissors throw. Rey ends up on the outside shortly after when The Edgeheads try and jump and Rey but get caught by the ref who ejects them. Alright, way to assert your authority. Edge starts working on Rey’s leg for the rest of the match. He really beats that thing to shit but Rey starts a comeback. I couldn’t believe how good Rey did with his high flying action with one leg. Rey makes his one legged comeback and his about to polish off Edge when Vickie gets in the ring and throws herself on Edge. Vickie is out of the ring and Rey tries his splash but gets speared by Edge to finish it off.
Winner: Edge
Match Rating: ***
We had a nice little segment. Ashley wants Maria to pose in Playboy. Santino comes out and does his thing. The crowd eats it up, and it was funny as hell.
Randy Orton vs. Jeff Hardy for the WWE Championship
This match was way better than I thought it would be. The whole match Orton played the heel to the hilt. And unlike Edge, he worked the crowd to make sure he got as much heat as possible, because there were some “LETS GO ORTON†chants. So far, every match has had a botch, and this one had one too. After Jeff hit a great baseball slide on Orton, Jeff messed up his dive to the outside, but not too horribly. Orton decides he’s had enough and tries to leave but this allows him to get the upper hand by nailing a drop kick on a diving Jeff Hardy. Orton hits a suplex on the floor and throws Jeff back into the ring. Randy slows down the match with a GASP chinlock. Hardy fights out of it but Orton slaps it back on in more of a choke fashion with a body lock using his legs. Hardy breaks free again and hits a Whisper In The Wind that pretty much kicked Orton square in the head. Orton gets tossed to the out side and Jeff Hardy hits his two rope moonsault that looked like it almost killed Randy. Back in the ring, Jeff goes for the Twist of Fate when out of nowhere BAM RKO and its over.
Winner: Randy Orton
Match Rating: ****
The Royal Rumble Match
Now up until this point, all of my picks were right on. And going into it, The Undertaker was my dead set favorite. There was no way he was gonna lose. I’m sitting at my table, drinking my beer when I hear BONG……… Fffffffffffffuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck. I knew before the match even started, my pick was NOT gonna last. Son of a bitch. So I’m thinking I want to see Kane come out for 2 or Hornswaggle. But the most obvious choice, HBK came out as number 2. Well this was a nice surprise to start off the Rumble. I don’t think this has ever happened when the final two started out the next year. And then the mouth, Santino Marella comes out as 3 and promptly gets his ass beat and thrown out. Number 4 Khali doesn’t make it either as he is taken out in less than 90 seconds. We get a lull as Hardcore Holly, Morrison, and Dreamer come in. But the action picks up as The Animal Batista makes his entrance at 8. Wow, that’s something I didn’t expect. Batista runs roughshod over everyone until he has a staredown with Taker. Dreamer fucks it all up and gets tossed out by Batista. Everyones favorite Leprechaun comes in at 9 and goes under the ring.
Palumbo and Noble continue their feud at 10 and 11. Noble is eliminated quickly. Number 12 is CM Punk who hits the ring like a house of fire and he takes on everyone but Taker with his corner/knee/bulldog and tosses out Chucky boy. The son of the Dream is in next and almost takes out CM Punk. Umaga hits the ring next at 14 and just goes ballistic on everyone and ends it by eliminating Hardcore Holly with a Samoan Spike. Snitsky and The Miz are the next two in the ring. The Miz joins up with Johnny M in trying to take out Punk. Shelton is number 17 and shows off his athleticism but gets nailed in mid air with some Sweet Chin Music and is eliminated. Much to the surprise of the crowd, Roddy Piper and Jimmy Snuka are 18 and 19. They take us back to Pipers Pit sans coconut. Kane is 20 and eliminates both of the legends.
The ring starts to fill up more with Foley, Carlito, and Mr. Kennedy. As Big Daddy V enters the match, Snitsky is eliminated by Undertaker, who is eliminated by HBK, who is eliminated by Kennedy. Most of which, WE DON’T FUCKING SEE….until the replay. Taker is so mad he gives Snitsky a legdrop through the SD announce table. Hmmmmm will Snitsky END TAKERS STREAK!? Mark Henry comes in at 25. As he comes in, Miz is teetering when Hornswaggle pulls Miz’s hand and eliminates him. Number 26 is Chavo Guerrero for some fucking reason.
The WWE totally shit all over the ECW title. Horny tries to pull someone else out but ends up getting in the ring and caught in a Henry/V sammich. Finlay comes in early to save Horny and they both eliminate themselves. Elijah Burke hits the ring at 28 and at number 29 enters THE GAME who starts kicking ass and taking names. He takes out Rhodes, V, Foley, and Bruke all within 90 seconds.
Everyone is in who is spsoed to be. Who is number 30? The WWE really shoved a fist up the ass of the Smarks with this one as JOHN CENA’s music hits even stunning the MSG crowd. I got out of my seat and flipped out. HOLY SHIT people said around me. Yep, they got us. And now they match that everyone thought they had figured out became a whole new match. Our final three end up being Cena, HHH, and Batista. H takes out Batista and its down to Cena and H. HHH points at the WM sign in what was one of the best sights I have ever seen in the WWE. I dunno why, it just looked cool. They have some great back and forth action. Not as good as last years, but still great. After some close calls on both sides, Cena ends up FUing HHH out of the ring and wins the 2008 Royal Rumble!
Winner: John Cena
Match Rating: ****3/4
This might be a contender to be one of the greatest Royal Rumbles of all time. It was surprising, all of the stars weren’t saved for the end like usual, and the action was fast and furious all night. This, my friends, is a match of the year contender right here.
Well that’s all we have this week. Next week I will return with everyone’s favorite edition of the No Smark Zone, Fact Or Fiction.
