Welcome to the 28th No Smark Zone. It’s been a long time since I’ve seen you all. I hope everyone has placed their bets on the Royal Rumble this weekend according to Stu Finer’s predictions, because I’m telling you he has the greatest research team in the world. Coming up this column we have some predictions about the upcoming year, I will present the first half of the 2007 NSZ awards, and I will also get into the MMA/Wrestling debate.
So, first off we are going to have a visit from my old friend Karnak The Magnificent. He is going to look into his crystal ball, do some prognostication, and tell us what is to come, in 2008.
Yes, helllooooo, this is Karnak the Magnificent. We’ve got some shocking predictions in store for you. One of them about a really pale and recently divorced Deadman, one about a man who’s hair is bigger than his ego, and one about two guys who wear skirts. So lets get on with the shooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooe.
-TNA will still be around by years end but will not go above a 1.4 in the ratings.
-After the draft, Smackdown’s midcard will be more solidified with the additions of John Morrison and Carlito.
-Jesse & Festus will win the WWE Tag Team Championship.
-Ric Flair will finally be retired but will return to the WWE in some on-air capacity.
-CM Punk will turn heel.
-The Undertaker will gain the WHC early in the year and will hold onto it for the majority of 2008.
- There will be 4 different ECW Champs in 2008 and none of them will have held it before.
-Kofi Kingston will become the hottest wrestler amongst the IWC, and then, if he gets a push, he will then become the most hated because he was “pushed too soonâ€.
-The Highlanders will be released by the WWE.
-Bobby Lashley will return to the WWE.
-Kelly Kelly will be the next diva to switch brands, likely to Raw.
-DH Smith will continue to be a highly touted rookie but will get lost in the shuffle on Raw, and will therefore be moved to SD or ECW.
-Madison Square Garden will be announced as the site of WM 25.
-Ric Flair will be inducted into the 2009 WWE Hall Of Fame.
-Chris Jericho will move to Smackdown.
-JBL will win the WWE Title at least ONCE this year.
-The brand extension will NOT end.
Ooooooook, so there’s my expert predictions for this upcoming year. Feel free to tell Kaedon what you think about them, tell him if I’m crazy, or tell him if you think I am a geeeeeeeeeeeeeenius. That’s it for Karnak for now, I will be back to make my predictions about the big shoooooooooooooooooooe later on in February.
Why MMA will not ever be as big as wrestling
Some of the so called “smart fans†like to say that they enjoy both MMA and wrestling but they enjoy MMA a lot more because its “real†and its not predetermined. They site the admittedly growing PPV buy-rates as “proofâ€. The bottom line is this, MMA will not ever be as big as pro wrestling. Not now, not ever. And anyone who thinks it will, is an IDIOT.
And here is why. The answer is really so obvious, even I can see it . There is absolutely ZERO emotional connection with the fans. There is no drama, there no way for the masses to identify with the competitors in MMA. Here’s what I mean…
There has never, EVER, been anything in entertainment, going all the way back to the plays of Shakespeare, to some of the greatest works of literature like “The Raven†and “Catcher In The Ryeâ€, to Orson Wells’ groundbreaking radio program, “War Of The Worlds†to Batman, to Enter Sandman, to American Idol, there is ALWAYS an emotional connection with the people, some sort of drama that everyone can get into. Because without that, it is so much harder for people to get into.
But for the sake of argument, lets take a look at something closer to the WWE, lets take a look at the most popular sport in America, football and the NFL. The NFL has some of the highest ratings on television in America. And you don’t even have to check the ratings. It is common knowledge that the most EXPENSIVE commercial minute is where? During the Super Bowl. So the NFL has a MASSIVE audience. Why? Because if the identifiably of the sport. Almost everyone, at some point or another in their life in America, has thrown a football, played it in the yard, played it in the street, or played it on a team. Everyone can identify with it. People see Brett Favre, Peyton Manning, John Elway, and the like, and they remember their days playing football in the yard as a QB. “Hey, I used to do thatâ€. And that’s why people watch. I personally, like watching RBs because I love playing that position. I love just plowing motherfuckers over because I’m a big dude so can you guess who my favorite RB is, or should I say, was? That’s right, Pittsburgh Steelers’ Jerome Bettis. Is it because he was THAT good? No. My god I could name 50 RBs right now who are/were better than him. But I can identify with him. I would like to be that guy. And so on and so on. THAT is why the NFL is so big.
Now please tell me where you can get that kind of connection with MMA fighting? I mean people do get into fights all the time, but tell me what MMA fight is like a “real†fight? How many ACTUAL shoot fights have refs, pads, gloves, an octagon, and cornermen? None. Any of you reading this who have been in a fight, how many fights have you TRAINED for? How many of you dedicated 6 months to a year out of your life getting ready for that one fight? How many fights actually have guys coming out swinging? More often than not, and I have experienced it first hand, fights end up with one guy front face locking a guy and it ends up as an ACTUAL wrestling match, or one guy grabs something on the ground and beats the living piss out of the other guy with it. Most people who get into MMA probably got into a lot of fights in their lives so they can sort of identify with it. However for every person there is like that, there are at least 50 who aren’t. Think about it. Back in HS, where rumors ran rampant, how many major fights were there each year? Maybe 5. Now granted there are some rougher areas than others, but not everyone grew up in the barrio or the ghetto. And now that I think about it, there probably aren’t that many fights there, just shootings and stabbings. So over the course of 8 or 9 months, there are 5 fights, presumably between two people (even though there are exceptions) so not that many people can identify with it.
The other reason there is no connection is that there is no drama in the actual fight itself. If you think about it, what are the most memorable of all sporting events? Shit, take last week in the NFL. We had the AFC and the NFC Championship game. One was damn near a blow out and one went into overtime and was won by a field goal. Which game will be more remembered? Exactly. In MMA it is a lot harder to get that. More often than not a fight comes down to one guy making a mistake and the other guy capitalizing on it. It’s very rare that we get one guy beating the piss out of someone and then the other guy makes this amazing comeback. That’s not dramatic, that’s nothing the masses can get into.
Now we have professional wrestling. Walk down the street and ask the following questions…â€Excuse me sir, have you ever been leg dropped? Excuse me ma’am, have you ever been put on a full nelson? Hey man, have you ever did a 450 splash off the top of your roof?â€â€¦and the answers will 9.999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999 times out of 10 be no. There isn’t much a wrestling fan can physically identify with. A punch, a kick, a headlock (because we all know we do it to our younger siblings or have had it done to us by a bully) a hairpull, and a kick in the balls. That is pretty much it, so, much like MMA, there isn’t much of an emotional connection that can be made through physical identifiably. So what wrestling has to do, and what it has always done since the days of Ed Lewis, is rely on storylines to get that drama. That’s why Eddie and Rey had to fight over a kid, because people could identify with that. How many illegitimate children are there in the USA, let alone everywhere else in the world? As much as people complained about that bullshit, as bad you think it might have been booked, it was something that struck a chord with a lot of people. People like cute kids, people don’t like social workers because government bureaucracy is a major problem in any government. People don’t like some evil mother fucker trying to take away a cute kid from someone who is his father. People see that in the newspaper and they go “Hey man, what the fuck? That guy is a fucking prick, I wish someone would beat his ass!†That’s why Vince has to play an egomaniacal shithead of a boss and put the “little people†down. People can identify with that. That is drama, that is something people can get behind, and that is why MMA will never be as big as pro wrestling.
Next up is my 2007 No Smark Zone Awards. I was wanted to say how I am so glad to be here at the IWF presenting these. I just wanted to take a few minutes to thank some of the members who made this possible. First I wanted to thank the IWF’s janitor, Roxxie Leveau Fanboy. I mean seriously, you are the reason the forum is so clean. It’s really easy to keep it nice and neat when all of the shit comes out of one persons mouth. I also wanted to thank that big ape Monkeystyle. Without him there… well there’d be no… well he’s the one who… who the fuck am I kidding? He doesn’t to anything around here. And who would want him to, he’s higher than Big Daddy V’s cholesterol. And how about that Soulpower freak? I’ve never seen somebody talk with Bill Belichick’s dick up his ass. Seriously though, he’s from America’s 51st state. All he needs to do is learn to speak the national language, Spanish, and he will be a bonafide American! Who else is here? Oooo *clears voice* “Well it’s the SheepShowâ€. Seriously, I haven’t seen dogs as horny as Peepshow is for TNA. If anyone could have Jeff Jarrett squirt all over his face, it would be him. And then it’d be on IMPACT per the orders of Vince Russo, get a .9 in the ratings, and Peepshow would say “well you people just don’t get itâ€. Who am I forgetting? Ohhhhhhhhhh The Dark Knight! How could I forget about you! Do you people know why he likes to be called TDK? Because its on a dark night when he goes out and turns tricks at his local birdie bar. Seriously, no one who hates gays that much isn’t a little gay themselves.
Anyway, enough of this sheet, it’s time to get on with the awards ceremony. We have 10 awards to give out to the 10 most deserving stars and teams in wrestling today. We will do 5 this week and 5 next week. So lets get on with it.
Raw Star Of The Year
We start out with the A brand, the flagship, the show that everybody watches. On this show we have some really great talent. HHH, a man whose been shtopping his way to the top for half a decade now. “Ohh but he’s beaten so many people like Shawn Michaels†I HAVE WORMS IN MY STOOL THAT HAVE BEATEN SHAWN MICHAELS! And speaking of Shawn Michaels, what old piece of sheet. I’m not saying he’s ancient, but when HBK takes piss, dust comes out. When Brian Pillman was a child in school, he used to be called “King Of Pediatricsâ€. HBK should be called “King of Geriatricsâ€. I keed, I keed. Who else to we have? John Cena. I would have a “for me to poop on†joke but it seems the fans have already pooped all over him. Seriously, did John Cena go out and run over everyone’s cat and dog? It’s not like he’s Bob Barker or something. No, the Raw Superstar of the year this year is someone who really came into his own. He went from pooping into bags and beating down old hags, to beating up John Cena’s dad, and beating HHH in a Last Man Standing match. He was in a good amount of the brands main events on TV and PPV. While his W/L record wasn’t the best this year 22-26-5, he was one of the only stars to actually be there all year, so by attrition, he may have won. This years Raw Superstar Of The Year is “The Legend Killer†Randy Orton.
Smackdown Star Of The Year
Next up, we have Smackdown. The B show. Generic Puppy Chow of wrestling. It isn’t quite as good as the good stuff, but it’s better than licking your own ass. Over on SD we have a lot of great superstars. We have Finlay. That guy is drunker than Scott Hall the day of a show. And how about The Great Khali? I haven’t seen something so boring since a Steve Corino promo! And that loser Edge? I hear he’s banging an older woman now. It’s no big deal though, Vickie Guerrero has had more bones buried in her than my back yard. I just hope Edge gets his cock checked for mold every week. And speaking of mold, my god what about The Undertaker? That guy is so old his first match was against Abraham Lincoln. And he no sold for him too! No this years winner was consistently there as well. He avoided the injury bug. He had what some called the match of the year at Wrestlemania in what some would say is the feud of the year, starting off what I think was the best series of matches this year. He was also a mainstay in most of the brands PPVs and TV shows. With a record of 35-9-5, the Smackdown Superstar Of The Year is “The Animal†Batista.
ECW Star Of The Year
Over on ECW its slim pickins. I mean really, I’ve crapped bigger things than the ECW roster. And seriously who are these guys? John Morrison? Elijah Burke? The Miz? Big Daddy V? I saw bigger stars the last time I sat on my nuts! No, the winner of this award is truly a break out star in the WWE. Not a lot of people had high hopes for him because they thought he would be buried by the WWE for no good reason. Well he held on to the ECW Title for a nice chunk of the year. He had a nice series of matches with another break out star in Johnny Nitro, took on all comers and came out of the year champion and with a record of 49-13. The ECW Star Of The Year is CM Punk.
TNA Star Of The Year
There is so much great talent in TNA, this is gonna be hard folks. I mean when you have such talented people like Shark Boy and Eric Young, how do you even look at the guys like Sting, Kurt Angle, Christian Cage, Samoa Joe, Kevin Nash, and AJ Styles. In reality, all of these guys are poop stains. If any of them actually had any talent, they’d be in the WWE. I mean Samoa Joe is so fat, he wouldn’t fit out the Raw entrance way. AJ Styles is only qualified enough to be in a feud with Hornswaggle, they are about the same size. And how about those two old farts Kevin Nash and Sting. Sting isn’t so bad but my god, Kevin Nash’s hair is whiter than Wisconsin in the winter. His bones are more brittle than the 1st little piggy’s house after a rain storm. The only wrestler worth anything in TNA this year was a man who had some alright matches, no where near as good as they were in the WWE. He also aided in trying to help put over a younger star, and that is admirable, however WRONGLY he did it. The TNA Star Of The Year is “The Instant Classic†Christian Cage.
Underachiever Of The Year
There were so many kids who could have done so much more this year. You can blame the booking team and Vince McMahon/Jeff Jarrett all you want, but the fact is, these guys didn’t do shit to stand out. Charlie Haas. This guy is a great wrestler…FOR ME TO POOP ON! I mean come on, I’ve seen more personality come through on a Lance Storm promo. I’ve seen more excitement from a WCW crowd during a David Flair match. I haven’t seen a crowd so bored with someone since Dean Malenko WRESTLED in front of an old school ECW crowd. And how about his partner Shelton Benjamin? He looks like he got beat by a bottle of peroxide, god knows he’s lost to everyone else. But have you seen anyone mess up more than him? The only person who botches more than him is JR on his commentary. But there is really one guy who could have done more this year than one apple spitter. I mean sure he has the hair of Sideshow Bob, sure he is one of the smaller guys in the WWE, but he is one of the most charismatic wrestlers in the WWE but he didn’t so shit. He wined and complained. He bitched more than an American figure skater. The Underachiever Of The Year is Carlito Caribbean Cool.
That's it for his edition of the NSZ. Next time I will have the second half of the 2007 Awards, a Rumble Review, and much more! See ya next time!
So, first off we are going to have a visit from my old friend Karnak The Magnificent. He is going to look into his crystal ball, do some prognostication, and tell us what is to come, in 2008.
Yes, helllooooo, this is Karnak the Magnificent. We’ve got some shocking predictions in store for you. One of them about a really pale and recently divorced Deadman, one about a man who’s hair is bigger than his ego, and one about two guys who wear skirts. So lets get on with the shooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooe.
-TNA will still be around by years end but will not go above a 1.4 in the ratings.
-After the draft, Smackdown’s midcard will be more solidified with the additions of John Morrison and Carlito.
-Jesse & Festus will win the WWE Tag Team Championship.
-Ric Flair will finally be retired but will return to the WWE in some on-air capacity.
-CM Punk will turn heel.
-The Undertaker will gain the WHC early in the year and will hold onto it for the majority of 2008.
- There will be 4 different ECW Champs in 2008 and none of them will have held it before.
-Kofi Kingston will become the hottest wrestler amongst the IWC, and then, if he gets a push, he will then become the most hated because he was “pushed too soonâ€.
-The Highlanders will be released by the WWE.
-Bobby Lashley will return to the WWE.
-Kelly Kelly will be the next diva to switch brands, likely to Raw.
-DH Smith will continue to be a highly touted rookie but will get lost in the shuffle on Raw, and will therefore be moved to SD or ECW.
-Madison Square Garden will be announced as the site of WM 25.
-Ric Flair will be inducted into the 2009 WWE Hall Of Fame.
-Chris Jericho will move to Smackdown.
-JBL will win the WWE Title at least ONCE this year.
-The brand extension will NOT end.
Ooooooook, so there’s my expert predictions for this upcoming year. Feel free to tell Kaedon what you think about them, tell him if I’m crazy, or tell him if you think I am a geeeeeeeeeeeeeenius. That’s it for Karnak for now, I will be back to make my predictions about the big shoooooooooooooooooooe later on in February.
Why MMA will not ever be as big as wrestling
Some of the so called “smart fans†like to say that they enjoy both MMA and wrestling but they enjoy MMA a lot more because its “real†and its not predetermined. They site the admittedly growing PPV buy-rates as “proofâ€. The bottom line is this, MMA will not ever be as big as pro wrestling. Not now, not ever. And anyone who thinks it will, is an IDIOT.
And here is why. The answer is really so obvious, even I can see it . There is absolutely ZERO emotional connection with the fans. There is no drama, there no way for the masses to identify with the competitors in MMA. Here’s what I mean…
There has never, EVER, been anything in entertainment, going all the way back to the plays of Shakespeare, to some of the greatest works of literature like “The Raven†and “Catcher In The Ryeâ€, to Orson Wells’ groundbreaking radio program, “War Of The Worlds†to Batman, to Enter Sandman, to American Idol, there is ALWAYS an emotional connection with the people, some sort of drama that everyone can get into. Because without that, it is so much harder for people to get into.
But for the sake of argument, lets take a look at something closer to the WWE, lets take a look at the most popular sport in America, football and the NFL. The NFL has some of the highest ratings on television in America. And you don’t even have to check the ratings. It is common knowledge that the most EXPENSIVE commercial minute is where? During the Super Bowl. So the NFL has a MASSIVE audience. Why? Because if the identifiably of the sport. Almost everyone, at some point or another in their life in America, has thrown a football, played it in the yard, played it in the street, or played it on a team. Everyone can identify with it. People see Brett Favre, Peyton Manning, John Elway, and the like, and they remember their days playing football in the yard as a QB. “Hey, I used to do thatâ€. And that’s why people watch. I personally, like watching RBs because I love playing that position. I love just plowing motherfuckers over because I’m a big dude so can you guess who my favorite RB is, or should I say, was? That’s right, Pittsburgh Steelers’ Jerome Bettis. Is it because he was THAT good? No. My god I could name 50 RBs right now who are/were better than him. But I can identify with him. I would like to be that guy. And so on and so on. THAT is why the NFL is so big.
Now please tell me where you can get that kind of connection with MMA fighting? I mean people do get into fights all the time, but tell me what MMA fight is like a “real†fight? How many ACTUAL shoot fights have refs, pads, gloves, an octagon, and cornermen? None. Any of you reading this who have been in a fight, how many fights have you TRAINED for? How many of you dedicated 6 months to a year out of your life getting ready for that one fight? How many fights actually have guys coming out swinging? More often than not, and I have experienced it first hand, fights end up with one guy front face locking a guy and it ends up as an ACTUAL wrestling match, or one guy grabs something on the ground and beats the living piss out of the other guy with it. Most people who get into MMA probably got into a lot of fights in their lives so they can sort of identify with it. However for every person there is like that, there are at least 50 who aren’t. Think about it. Back in HS, where rumors ran rampant, how many major fights were there each year? Maybe 5. Now granted there are some rougher areas than others, but not everyone grew up in the barrio or the ghetto. And now that I think about it, there probably aren’t that many fights there, just shootings and stabbings. So over the course of 8 or 9 months, there are 5 fights, presumably between two people (even though there are exceptions) so not that many people can identify with it.
The other reason there is no connection is that there is no drama in the actual fight itself. If you think about it, what are the most memorable of all sporting events? Shit, take last week in the NFL. We had the AFC and the NFC Championship game. One was damn near a blow out and one went into overtime and was won by a field goal. Which game will be more remembered? Exactly. In MMA it is a lot harder to get that. More often than not a fight comes down to one guy making a mistake and the other guy capitalizing on it. It’s very rare that we get one guy beating the piss out of someone and then the other guy makes this amazing comeback. That’s not dramatic, that’s nothing the masses can get into.
Now we have professional wrestling. Walk down the street and ask the following questions…â€Excuse me sir, have you ever been leg dropped? Excuse me ma’am, have you ever been put on a full nelson? Hey man, have you ever did a 450 splash off the top of your roof?â€â€¦and the answers will 9.999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999 times out of 10 be no. There isn’t much a wrestling fan can physically identify with. A punch, a kick, a headlock (because we all know we do it to our younger siblings or have had it done to us by a bully) a hairpull, and a kick in the balls. That is pretty much it, so, much like MMA, there isn’t much of an emotional connection that can be made through physical identifiably. So what wrestling has to do, and what it has always done since the days of Ed Lewis, is rely on storylines to get that drama. That’s why Eddie and Rey had to fight over a kid, because people could identify with that. How many illegitimate children are there in the USA, let alone everywhere else in the world? As much as people complained about that bullshit, as bad you think it might have been booked, it was something that struck a chord with a lot of people. People like cute kids, people don’t like social workers because government bureaucracy is a major problem in any government. People don’t like some evil mother fucker trying to take away a cute kid from someone who is his father. People see that in the newspaper and they go “Hey man, what the fuck? That guy is a fucking prick, I wish someone would beat his ass!†That’s why Vince has to play an egomaniacal shithead of a boss and put the “little people†down. People can identify with that. That is drama, that is something people can get behind, and that is why MMA will never be as big as pro wrestling.
Next up is my 2007 No Smark Zone Awards. I was wanted to say how I am so glad to be here at the IWF presenting these. I just wanted to take a few minutes to thank some of the members who made this possible. First I wanted to thank the IWF’s janitor, Roxxie Leveau Fanboy. I mean seriously, you are the reason the forum is so clean. It’s really easy to keep it nice and neat when all of the shit comes out of one persons mouth. I also wanted to thank that big ape Monkeystyle. Without him there… well there’d be no… well he’s the one who… who the fuck am I kidding? He doesn’t to anything around here. And who would want him to, he’s higher than Big Daddy V’s cholesterol. And how about that Soulpower freak? I’ve never seen somebody talk with Bill Belichick’s dick up his ass. Seriously though, he’s from America’s 51st state. All he needs to do is learn to speak the national language, Spanish, and he will be a bonafide American! Who else is here? Oooo *clears voice* “Well it’s the SheepShowâ€. Seriously, I haven’t seen dogs as horny as Peepshow is for TNA. If anyone could have Jeff Jarrett squirt all over his face, it would be him. And then it’d be on IMPACT per the orders of Vince Russo, get a .9 in the ratings, and Peepshow would say “well you people just don’t get itâ€. Who am I forgetting? Ohhhhhhhhhh The Dark Knight! How could I forget about you! Do you people know why he likes to be called TDK? Because its on a dark night when he goes out and turns tricks at his local birdie bar. Seriously, no one who hates gays that much isn’t a little gay themselves.
Anyway, enough of this sheet, it’s time to get on with the awards ceremony. We have 10 awards to give out to the 10 most deserving stars and teams in wrestling today. We will do 5 this week and 5 next week. So lets get on with it.
Raw Star Of The Year
We start out with the A brand, the flagship, the show that everybody watches. On this show we have some really great talent. HHH, a man whose been shtopping his way to the top for half a decade now. “Ohh but he’s beaten so many people like Shawn Michaels†I HAVE WORMS IN MY STOOL THAT HAVE BEATEN SHAWN MICHAELS! And speaking of Shawn Michaels, what old piece of sheet. I’m not saying he’s ancient, but when HBK takes piss, dust comes out. When Brian Pillman was a child in school, he used to be called “King Of Pediatricsâ€. HBK should be called “King of Geriatricsâ€. I keed, I keed. Who else to we have? John Cena. I would have a “for me to poop on†joke but it seems the fans have already pooped all over him. Seriously, did John Cena go out and run over everyone’s cat and dog? It’s not like he’s Bob Barker or something. No, the Raw Superstar of the year this year is someone who really came into his own. He went from pooping into bags and beating down old hags, to beating up John Cena’s dad, and beating HHH in a Last Man Standing match. He was in a good amount of the brands main events on TV and PPV. While his W/L record wasn’t the best this year 22-26-5, he was one of the only stars to actually be there all year, so by attrition, he may have won. This years Raw Superstar Of The Year is “The Legend Killer†Randy Orton.
Smackdown Star Of The Year
Next up, we have Smackdown. The B show. Generic Puppy Chow of wrestling. It isn’t quite as good as the good stuff, but it’s better than licking your own ass. Over on SD we have a lot of great superstars. We have Finlay. That guy is drunker than Scott Hall the day of a show. And how about The Great Khali? I haven’t seen something so boring since a Steve Corino promo! And that loser Edge? I hear he’s banging an older woman now. It’s no big deal though, Vickie Guerrero has had more bones buried in her than my back yard. I just hope Edge gets his cock checked for mold every week. And speaking of mold, my god what about The Undertaker? That guy is so old his first match was against Abraham Lincoln. And he no sold for him too! No this years winner was consistently there as well. He avoided the injury bug. He had what some called the match of the year at Wrestlemania in what some would say is the feud of the year, starting off what I think was the best series of matches this year. He was also a mainstay in most of the brands PPVs and TV shows. With a record of 35-9-5, the Smackdown Superstar Of The Year is “The Animal†Batista.
ECW Star Of The Year
Over on ECW its slim pickins. I mean really, I’ve crapped bigger things than the ECW roster. And seriously who are these guys? John Morrison? Elijah Burke? The Miz? Big Daddy V? I saw bigger stars the last time I sat on my nuts! No, the winner of this award is truly a break out star in the WWE. Not a lot of people had high hopes for him because they thought he would be buried by the WWE for no good reason. Well he held on to the ECW Title for a nice chunk of the year. He had a nice series of matches with another break out star in Johnny Nitro, took on all comers and came out of the year champion and with a record of 49-13. The ECW Star Of The Year is CM Punk.
TNA Star Of The Year
There is so much great talent in TNA, this is gonna be hard folks. I mean when you have such talented people like Shark Boy and Eric Young, how do you even look at the guys like Sting, Kurt Angle, Christian Cage, Samoa Joe, Kevin Nash, and AJ Styles. In reality, all of these guys are poop stains. If any of them actually had any talent, they’d be in the WWE. I mean Samoa Joe is so fat, he wouldn’t fit out the Raw entrance way. AJ Styles is only qualified enough to be in a feud with Hornswaggle, they are about the same size. And how about those two old farts Kevin Nash and Sting. Sting isn’t so bad but my god, Kevin Nash’s hair is whiter than Wisconsin in the winter. His bones are more brittle than the 1st little piggy’s house after a rain storm. The only wrestler worth anything in TNA this year was a man who had some alright matches, no where near as good as they were in the WWE. He also aided in trying to help put over a younger star, and that is admirable, however WRONGLY he did it. The TNA Star Of The Year is “The Instant Classic†Christian Cage.
Underachiever Of The Year
There were so many kids who could have done so much more this year. You can blame the booking team and Vince McMahon/Jeff Jarrett all you want, but the fact is, these guys didn’t do shit to stand out. Charlie Haas. This guy is a great wrestler…FOR ME TO POOP ON! I mean come on, I’ve seen more personality come through on a Lance Storm promo. I’ve seen more excitement from a WCW crowd during a David Flair match. I haven’t seen a crowd so bored with someone since Dean Malenko WRESTLED in front of an old school ECW crowd. And how about his partner Shelton Benjamin? He looks like he got beat by a bottle of peroxide, god knows he’s lost to everyone else. But have you seen anyone mess up more than him? The only person who botches more than him is JR on his commentary. But there is really one guy who could have done more this year than one apple spitter. I mean sure he has the hair of Sideshow Bob, sure he is one of the smaller guys in the WWE, but he is one of the most charismatic wrestlers in the WWE but he didn’t so shit. He wined and complained. He bitched more than an American figure skater. The Underachiever Of The Year is Carlito Caribbean Cool.
That's it for his edition of the NSZ. Next time I will have the second half of the 2007 Awards, a Rumble Review, and much more! See ya next time!
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