Woeful Writers Extraordinaire: a W.W.E. Soap Opera - Episode 3
WOEFUL WRITERS EXTRAORDINAIRE
SEASON 1 EPISODE 3
When we last left off, John Cena was in a "private" meeting with Triple H and about to find out his surprise behind the closet door.
CENA: I wonder what's behind door number one??
With a swift yank, he pulls the door open. A crazed figure charges out holding a dagger, snarling and screaming.
LESNAR: INTERNET!!! KILL!!!! INTERNET!!! SMASH!!!
Unfortunately, he completely misses Cena with the knife and crashes into the curtain, plunging the dagger into a large hunk of flab. A moment later, Ric Flair tumbles toward the ground.
FLAIR: What, ho! Help! Help! Help! O! I am slain!
HHH: Oh my gawd!!! You killed Naitchy!!! YOU BASTARD!!!!
CENA: (ignoring HHH and turning to Lesnar) Yo man, I was like five feet away from the closet and you totally missed me!!
LESNAR: So this is why I got cut from the Vikings.
HHH: ....dammit, Brock, you lumbering oaf! Go finish your job before I send you back to Geek Academy!!
LESNAR: NO!!! Anywhere but there!!!! They... they threw nuts at me!!!
Lesnar suddenly undergoes a mental transformation and starts snarling again. He charges Cena a second time, but just before he collides into the WWE Champ, Cena puts his right hand in front of his face and waves it.
CENA: YOU CAN'T SEE ME!!!
Lesnar comes to an abrupt halt and looks around, dazed and confused.
LESNAR: Where'd you go?? DAMMIT, WHERE'D YOU GO???? SHOW YOURSELF YOU LITTLE COWARD!!
HHH: (slapping his forehead and shaking his head) I don't believe this.
CENA: Nice try, Trips, but I gotta surprise of my own. In fact, he's gonna be here any moment.
Suddenly, a person crashes through the window and onto the floor. He writhes around in pain as both Triple H and Cena look on.
HHH:
That's it? Marty Janetty?
CENA: Marty Janetty??? What the hell?? That wasn't who I was talking about!!
Shawn Michaels walks by.
HBK: Whoops. Sorry guys. He jumped.
Janetty crawls out of the room as Cena and Triple H resume their standoff and Lesnar shuffles around in the corner, clawing at the air.
CENA: Anyway. MY surprise is... GOLDBERG!!!!
Suddenly, Goldberg's intimidating music hits. From the other closet, sparks shoot out, and the door blows open. Out of the closet steps the former football player, Bill Goldberg. He does his trademark entry pose, but slips on the carpet and falls on his butt after the second kick.
HHH:
You came out of the closet and landed on your ASS!!!
GOLDBERG: (quickly getting up and brushing himself off) Don't you call me gay!!! RRROOOAAARRR!!!!
From outside the other window, an aged hippy walks by.
WARRIOR: That's right! Queering don't make the world go round!!!
HHH: Oh ****! Not him!!
The distraction is enough to allow Goldberg to charge Triple H. However, The Game quickly traps Goldberg in a headlock and starts pummelling his face, Nolan Ryan-style.
HHH: I learned this move from Chris Jericho. Turns out the loser was helpful in something! HEY LESNAR!! Help me get rid of this guy!
Lesnar snaps out of his daze and rushes over to grab Goldberg away and administer a beatdown. He's about to level the attacker with a huge fist when Goldberg and Lesnar suddenly lock eyes.
LESNAR: Goldberg?!
GOLDBERG: B--B--Brock? Brock Lesnar?! Is it really you??
LESNAR: It's been a long time.
GOLDBERG: Yes. Too long.
LESNAR: I've missed you.
GOLDBERG: I've missed you too.
Triple H and Cena look on, disgusted.
HHH:
CENA:
Lesnar and Goldberg embrace.
LESNAR: I was wrong to call you names that night after our match.
GOLDBERG: And I was wrong to yell at you.
LESNAR: Lets never fight again.
GOLDBERG: Shhh shh shh shh shh shhhhhh... don't speak.
Their lips meet, and the two fling themselves at each other with lustful passion. They spiral into the second closet and close the door.
CENA: ...................
HHH: .....................
CENA: Yeah...
HHH: Um... yeah...
CENA: **** that. Truce?
HHH: For today.
CENA: Alright. I'm outta here. I have a 5:00 meeting to **** your wife.
HHH: What?
CENA: I said I have a 5:00 meeting to discuss my life.
HHH: ...
CENA: I'm seeing a shrink. For um... what I just saw here.
HHH: Okay, I'll go with that. Bitch.
Cena walks out of the office. Triple H surveys the damage.
HHH: Wow, what a mess. Someone needs to clean this up... KEVIN!!!!
ECW's Resident Vampire appears out of nowhere.
THORN: What is your bidding?
HHH: Naitch is gonna totally stain the carpet with all that blood. Take care of it for me?
THORN: Of course....
Kevin Thorn bends down as Triple H leaves. There's an audible slurping sound as Hunter exits.
HHH: (offscreen) Dammit, Kevin, I meant drink his blood!!!! Geez, this place is filled with queers.
RON SIMMONS: (stepping into the scene) DA--
HHH: Shut up.
RON SIMMONS: Sorry.
TO BE CONTINUED...
WOEFUL WRITERS EXTRAORDINAIRE
SEASON 1 EPISODE 3
When we last left off, John Cena was in a "private" meeting with Triple H and about to find out his surprise behind the closet door.
CENA: I wonder what's behind door number one??
With a swift yank, he pulls the door open. A crazed figure charges out holding a dagger, snarling and screaming.
LESNAR: INTERNET!!! KILL!!!! INTERNET!!! SMASH!!!
Unfortunately, he completely misses Cena with the knife and crashes into the curtain, plunging the dagger into a large hunk of flab. A moment later, Ric Flair tumbles toward the ground.
FLAIR: What, ho! Help! Help! Help! O! I am slain!
HHH: Oh my gawd!!! You killed Naitchy!!! YOU BASTARD!!!!
CENA: (ignoring HHH and turning to Lesnar) Yo man, I was like five feet away from the closet and you totally missed me!!
LESNAR: So this is why I got cut from the Vikings.
HHH: ....dammit, Brock, you lumbering oaf! Go finish your job before I send you back to Geek Academy!!
LESNAR: NO!!! Anywhere but there!!!! They... they threw nuts at me!!!
Lesnar suddenly undergoes a mental transformation and starts snarling again. He charges Cena a second time, but just before he collides into the WWE Champ, Cena puts his right hand in front of his face and waves it.
CENA: YOU CAN'T SEE ME!!!
Lesnar comes to an abrupt halt and looks around, dazed and confused.
LESNAR: Where'd you go?? DAMMIT, WHERE'D YOU GO???? SHOW YOURSELF YOU LITTLE COWARD!!
HHH: (slapping his forehead and shaking his head) I don't believe this.
CENA: Nice try, Trips, but I gotta surprise of my own. In fact, he's gonna be here any moment.
Suddenly, a person crashes through the window and onto the floor. He writhes around in pain as both Triple H and Cena look on.
HHH:
CENA: Marty Janetty??? What the hell?? That wasn't who I was talking about!!
Shawn Michaels walks by.
HBK: Whoops. Sorry guys. He jumped.
Janetty crawls out of the room as Cena and Triple H resume their standoff and Lesnar shuffles around in the corner, clawing at the air.
CENA: Anyway. MY surprise is... GOLDBERG!!!!
Suddenly, Goldberg's intimidating music hits. From the other closet, sparks shoot out, and the door blows open. Out of the closet steps the former football player, Bill Goldberg. He does his trademark entry pose, but slips on the carpet and falls on his butt after the second kick.
HHH:
GOLDBERG: (quickly getting up and brushing himself off) Don't you call me gay!!! RRROOOAAARRR!!!!
From outside the other window, an aged hippy walks by.
WARRIOR: That's right! Queering don't make the world go round!!!
HHH: Oh ****! Not him!!
The distraction is enough to allow Goldberg to charge Triple H. However, The Game quickly traps Goldberg in a headlock and starts pummelling his face, Nolan Ryan-style.
HHH: I learned this move from Chris Jericho. Turns out the loser was helpful in something! HEY LESNAR!! Help me get rid of this guy!
Lesnar snaps out of his daze and rushes over to grab Goldberg away and administer a beatdown. He's about to level the attacker with a huge fist when Goldberg and Lesnar suddenly lock eyes.
LESNAR: Goldberg?!
GOLDBERG: B--B--Brock? Brock Lesnar?! Is it really you??
LESNAR: It's been a long time.
GOLDBERG: Yes. Too long.
LESNAR: I've missed you.
GOLDBERG: I've missed you too.
Triple H and Cena look on, disgusted.
HHH:
CENA:
Lesnar and Goldberg embrace.
LESNAR: I was wrong to call you names that night after our match.
GOLDBERG: And I was wrong to yell at you.
LESNAR: Lets never fight again.
GOLDBERG: Shhh shh shh shh shh shhhhhh... don't speak.
Their lips meet, and the two fling themselves at each other with lustful passion. They spiral into the second closet and close the door.
CENA: ...................
HHH: .....................
CENA: Yeah...
HHH: Um... yeah...
CENA: **** that. Truce?
HHH: For today.
CENA: Alright. I'm outta here. I have a 5:00 meeting to **** your wife.
HHH: What?
CENA: I said I have a 5:00 meeting to discuss my life.
HHH: ...
CENA: I'm seeing a shrink. For um... what I just saw here.
HHH: Okay, I'll go with that. Bitch.
Cena walks out of the office. Triple H surveys the damage.
HHH: Wow, what a mess. Someone needs to clean this up... KEVIN!!!!
ECW's Resident Vampire appears out of nowhere.
THORN: What is your bidding?
HHH: Naitch is gonna totally stain the carpet with all that blood. Take care of it for me?
THORN: Of course....
Kevin Thorn bends down as Triple H leaves. There's an audible slurping sound as Hunter exits.
HHH: (offscreen) Dammit, Kevin, I meant drink his blood!!!! Geez, this place is filled with queers.
RON SIMMONS: (stepping into the scene) DA--
HHH: Shut up.
RON SIMMONS: Sorry.
TO BE CONTINUED...
