SURPRISE! D'Z watched SD again this week so you don't have to

[Dolph'sZiggler]

I used my caveman computer fixing tactics and Houdini'd the hell out of this pos. And since I am a giver, I will now provide the public service of watching and grading Smackdown, just so you all don't have to. Reading this in 5 minutes >> watching 80 minutes of SD on Youtube.

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Advertised main event: Henry & Big Show vs Boring Gingers. How dare WWE throw Henry into the worst feud of all time. I'm writing a letter to my congressman.

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Opening Segment
Fandongo opening. Cameraman desperately searches the crowd for people fandogoing. Total count: 12. Survey says: It's not catching on like WWE wants it to.

Fandango creeping on Lillian Garcia? No thanks. She looks like she's 50. ::googles Lillian Garcia:: OK she's 46, makes sense.

Fandango's voice seems so forced. More forced than Christian Bale's batman voice. This is pretty boring tbh. He should stick to correcting people on how to say his name.

Santino? In my opening segment? Fandingle. bwuahahahhaha. I'm rolling here. I want to kill myself. Or stop the stream. Instead I'll sit here and watch this and complain. Oh, nm, Cobra is here to save this segment. Ballin.

Those same 12 people once again Fandango along with Santino, the rest of the crowd wonders if it is too late for a refund.

Oh now we get a match, well wonderful, I was dying to see more of these two. What is with that creepy ginger Sheamus kid? Kid haunts my nightmares I swear.

OK match time. For once I actually want a squash match on SD. Just make this quick please.

inb410minutes.

Because watching Santino fail to kip up last week wasn't enough. Now You Can't Wrestle chants directed at Fandango. WWE Universe always on top of things.

More failed kip ups. If you don't mark for failed kip ups, this opening segment probably didn't go over well with you.

This crowd has an amazing ability to sound like they care, but look like the absolutely give zero fucks quite amazing indeed

Opening Segment Grade: 1/10

I regret watching this show already. But I delve deeper into the crevasse, and I do it for you, my adoring fans.

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Big Show backstage segment
WWE sure knows how to book heels. So easy to hate Big Show when he gets fucked around by the Blue non-logic of face authority figures.

Big Show isn't that bad as a heel IMO. He just gets booked into feuds I despise.

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Kofi Kingston (US Champion) vs Wade Barrett (IC Champion)

Nothing gets me hyped like seeing Kofi do a running 360 down the ramp while clapping his hands in unison with his fireworks. Simply iconic. No but really, Kofi, go away for a while, come back with a new theme and gimmick. Please.

here comes Wade with his fucking Rose. UKfag. Nice cape douchebag. Nice theme asshole.

Still love you though Wade. Don't particularly care for this match up. I expect some fuckery in the finish, but hope WB goes over clean, even though that wouldn't mean shit because Kofi is just a jobber with some metal on his shoulder now.

The crowd looks about as excited as Aids in an algebra class. Why are the commentators talking about Teddy Long? Hinting at a heel turn? Doesn't WWE have better things to do ffs. What is heel teddy Long's gimmick going to be? Main Event handicap matches player?

Honestly though this is just a waste of time and clue #594805 that WWE has zero idea how to book its midcard. Herrrr idk lettuce put to champeens against each others!

"Too bloody easy" says WB, as kofi counters into a fluke win. WB is the king of giving up wins to scrubs. All hail Kofi, King of the stale midcarders!

Can't wait to see who he feuds with as US Champ! Oh wait, probably nobody!

Match Rating: 1.5*


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Mark Henry

Gets whooped by Sheamus. Man this feud is deep. I guess that's what these guys do.

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Sheamus hype vid. He is going over Henry at ER

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Raw Recap ​

WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO <3<3 Thanks WWE, because I watch SD but not Raw!

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I'm still disappointed that Jericho just disappeared for a week and we get this triple threat. Would have rather had Del Rio fight Swagger saying he is putting personal issues before business, and that he would use his rematch clause at the PPV after ER. This allows for Ziggler to continue the conflict he had w/ Jericho & Fandango and you book that triple threat instead. Silly WWE, they just aren't as clever as I.

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ADR has at least 25 people on their feet. He has set a new benchmark for crowd participation at this taping. :

1 on 1 w/ Swagger. I'd bitch that I've seen this match too many times, but it is always fun and they are two good workers who keep it fresh.

Swagger controlling early before the break as you would expect. Another commercial of the creepy Sheamus kid. Goddammit.

Any interest the crowd had in the match before is gone now that the pace of the match has slowed and the focus turns to Swagger grinding down ADR's bad wheel. Modern day WWE crowds have ADD

Super Alberto biding his time, waiting to whip out his cape. This match has ADR locking in the armbar before Zeb runs in for the DQ written all over it.

If it happens, I called it. If not, I'll just delete all of this.

Del Rio tries to get a slow clap started, crowd no sells it. Ricardo tries a 'Si' chant, crowd doesn't give a damn.

DESTINYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY

uh, bro, you don't counter after he shouts out destiny. I officially hate Swagger after that. No class.

Anyone ever notice how WWE only lets faces use heel tactics if they are.... Mexican? Eddie, ADR... WWE is so goddamn racist. I do like Ricardo nailing Swagger with a crutch though

wow, excellent finishing sequence and Berto steals it cleanly : not bad

Great tv match IMO

3.5*

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Anyone else wondering where the fuck Dolph is? He's not main eventing. He didn't open. They've barely mentioned his black ass. Fuck this shit

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ANOTHER RAW REVIEW!1!1!1!1!1!1

MOST EXCELLENT

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Shield are backstage. Talking shit on Taker. I'm hoping he pops up behind them and cleans house. Would mark hard.

More hype for the match being on Raw. Looking like that will definitely happen on Raw, great decision WWE.--- wait what in the fuck. Folks not only did we get a 15 minute opening segment/match of Fandango/Santino, but now I'm catching word that a 6 man tag match is going to involve Khali Natalya and Hornswoggle.

I mean.... what did we do to deserve this? Did our Dad knock up WWE's Mom and then move to New Hampshire never to be seen or heard from again?

This match is over a parking spot. This is low even by WWE's non existent standards. I'm on part 4/6 on Daily Motion and Dolph Ziggler has had little more than a fucking Raw Recap up to this point. And I'm sitting here. With a 6 person tag match involving Khali and Hornswoggle on. In a match... that is based on a feud over a parking spot... Natalya heard about this booking and was like "can I just go back to my farting gimmick instead?"

The match isn't finished, but I'm finished watching it and am comfortable giving this match negative stars.

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RAW RECAP
NUMBER
FUCKING
THREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
EEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

IN CASE YOU MISSED THIS HUG. HERE YA GO

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GUESS WHAT WAS AFTER RAW RECAP #3

RAW. RECAP. #. 4.

This is official out of hand. As I type this, we get a recap from earlier in the show. Hey assholes, that happened 25 minutes ago. I remember it vividly.

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Am I dreaming? Main Event time? Did I just miss Ziggler's segment? What in the fuck

I mean WWE

Fuck this scumbag company. THIS IS HOW YOU TREAT ME FOR NOT READING SPOILERS. LIKE AN ASSHOLE. YOU TREAT ME LIKE A FUCKING ASSHOLE.

never again motherfuckers. Never agoddamngain. This is ridiculous. 'sZiggler, out.

Rating: 0. A fucking 0. Guess what I gave Raw? WWE really shit the bed this week

 

[Senhor Perfect]

Nice review, but were there any RAW recaps during the show?

 

[Snowman1]

And WWE wonders why people don't watch Smackdown. This is why. Awesome review Dolph's, all of us reading this will be thankful you tortured yourself to keep us from driving ourselves to a mental hospital due to Smackdown-induced insanity. Well, a little thanking amidst bits of laughter from all your recap-induced rage.

Didn't go because spending money on Subway > spending money on Smackdown. But you can't blame the crowd for this. I'd be silent too, outside of "We Want Ziggler" chants that won't catch on because casuals don't know who "Ziggler" is. Is anyone over on this show? Oh, yeah: LETS GO WSM.

Who cares about anyone on this show? What would you do if you were there, Dolph's? Would you be up Fandangoing? Would you be popping for Khali? No you wouldn't, you'd be giving this show the finger along with the rest of this crowd.

How sad is it that the feud over a parking spot is almost WWE's best feud atm? Sure as hell beats this Sheamful/Henry shit, at least this is over something. Natalya for Knockout's champion.

 

[Dolph'sZiggler]

I was more using the crowd's reaction to help bury the show than condemning them for it. I agree they shouldn't react to the shit they were presented with.

 

[Snowman1]

Shoot, meant that crowd thing in more of a joking manner, that was too harsh haha.

There's really nothing else to comment on. Talk about a non-eventful show.

 

[Dolph'sZiggler]

I just don't understand it. Where is the logic in keeping the WHC off the show and giving tons of TV time to Khali, Santino, Swoggle, Fart pants, ect.

 

[Crayo]

Possibly my favourite ever from you.

"Fandongo opening. Cameraman desperately searches the crowd for people fandogoing. Total count: 12. Survey says: It's not catching on like WWE wants it to. "

lmao

 

[Swift]

Gotta' love WWE.

 

[Dolph'sZiggler]

You guys need to stop liking my shitty reviews so much. Puts a lot of pressure on me to keep things top notch.

 

[Senhor Perfect]

You guys need to stop liking my shitty reviews so much. Puts a lot of pressure on me to keep things top notch.

I can remove mine if you'd like.

 

[Dolph'sZiggler]

I wasn't talking about clicking the like button, I just meant liking it in general. I mean come on guys.. one gif? What was there one smiley? I rage quit during the ME... that is a piss poor review.

 

[CM Punk]

^Which is why I didn't like the post. ipebomb:

Although, I did like the font for RAW review.

 

[Swift]

They all suck ity1:

 

[Dolph'sZiggler]

They all suck ity1:

Words hurt, deth. words hurt.

 

[Laura]

I wasn't talking about clicking the like button, I just meant liking it in general. I mean come on guys.. one gif? What was there one smiley? I rage quit during the ME... that is a piss poor review.

Oh, I don't know. There's some clever prose fragments in there, and sometimes it's not about content, it's about entertainment. Even if you weren't trying, doesn't mean you didn't nail it. The rage quit was a nice touch, IMO.