Kaedon is Rawer!!! 4/23/07
We start out with a recap of Santino winning the IC Title. I don’t give a fuck what anyone says, this was great. “Credibility”or not. Shane then announces that he is going to take on any local boy. WE WANT REGAL, CLAP CLAP CLAPCLAPCLAP! This gangly little bitch comes out. This isn’t gonna be pretty. Shane does coast to coast on the guy. Then the poor bastard has to deal with Umaga. Man I hope he gets paid a lot for this abuse. Oh man, a 3 on 1 match. Who could it be…..Vince comes out and covers the guy for the win. Well at least I got a good chuckle out of it.
We then get a reminder that its Cena/HBK tonight. In case you’ve been living under a rock…
Matt Hardy vs. Trevor Murdoch- I’ve been a fan of this ugly bastard ever since he did a DDT from the apron to the floor when he got a singles push a while back. Anyone who remembers it knows what I’m talking about. These guys are shitkickers and Matt/Jeff provide a nice contrast. A sleeper, nice. Matt tries to come back but gets jacked in the face .The fatter man goes to the 2nd rope and misses. How is it that Trevor looks MORE tan in a place with NO FUCKING SUN!? Anyway, Matt gets some offense but the cowboys cheat and Murdoch finishes off Matt with a sick ass move. I didn’t know guys over 250 lbs can do moves like that! Murdoch wins!
More Condemned hype
Looks like someone fucked up the tape because we get technical difficulties.
Orton/Edge. Who smells an injury?
Melina vs. Maria. Mmm and Mmmer. I said it last week, and I shall say it this week, Maria is fucking hot! Squash match that ends with a….pull of the hair? Meh
Carlito vs. Khali? Oh God….
For a place called Piccadilly Circus, you’d think you’d see a lion tamer, elephant, or at least a fucking CLOWN somewhere….
Carltio bravely comes out and gets his ass kicked. Looks like the waste of space tried to add a move to his repertoire. Too bad he fucked it up. Why didn’t he just come out and kick the shit out of the kid Shane brought out. Carlito yells at Flair in Spanish. Yes, they are breaking up, we get it!
A nice little promo between Mick and Edge. So I guess he and Orton are broken up now? Ok…
More Condemned…
So tomorrow we get Umaga vs. Lashley and the Originals vs. The New Breed in an elimination match? WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO TAG MATCHES!!!
Ooo a staredown before the match. Nice little promo from Cena. He is the champ, and if you don’t like it, too damn bad. The longer he’s champ, the more he pisses of smarks. The more he pisses off smarks, the happier I am. And why the fuck isn’t this the main event? ZOMG the ref is patting them down. Wow. Nice! Anyway, heeeeeeeeere we go! The match is old school from the start. When’s the last time you saw an exchange like this? Headlock takedown to a headscissors. HBK then works over the arm. I can hear the smarks falling asleep. (sorry soul I had to use it) They tease the STFU twice. Nice. Add a drop toe hold to Cenas so called “5 Moves of Doom”. Cena is being painted as the inferior wrestler despite getting one reversal with which he used his strength. The 2 get in the center of the ring and jack jaws till Cena lays out HBK with a right.
Cena then takes control with his power and it looks like he stiffs the shit out of HBK a few times. Cena keeps control. He has a chance for the FU but HBK gets out of the ring. It gets a bit more even after we come back from the commercial. They go back and forth till Oo Cena adds another move, what was that a modified sidewalk slam? Yeah Cena haters, I have two words for ya….
Cena takes control again until HBK forces a double down. The two trade off blows till HBK gets the advantage and hits the forearm. The knip up and the fuck you elbow lead to…a backslide? Cena takes a wicked bump on the apron. Looks like it hurt. HBK with a plancha and Cena catches him!!!! Yeah that’s good shit.
When we get back we get more old school work. HBK is still on the arm using a reverse chicken wing thing. I dunno. Anyway, unlike WM, Cena is selling his ass off. Cena eventually gets the FU but HBK kicks out. This has been a hell of a fucking match!!! They slow the pace down again and Cena locks in a bearhug. This is what old REAL wrestlers used to win matches. Shove that in your “we want old school” pipe and smoke it. HBK gets out of it and Cena just HURLS HBK out of the ring. Top rope rocker dropper almost does in HBK. OMG A POWERBOMB FROM HBK!!! WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON!!? Cena gets driven face first into the announcers table and does a great job of selling being KOd. The tease the piledriver from Mania but HBK gets backdropped.
When we come back the guys are fighting on the announce table. Cena gets him back into the ring and locks in the STFU!! The trade teased finishers then HBK gets SCM but Cena gets the rope. They tease more finishers but HBK GETS THE WIN WITH THE SUPERKICK!!! What a fucking match!!!!! Wow!!!! For all of you smarks (sorry soul) who complain about not enough wrestling, yeah, shut up! I don’t want to hear one of you bitch about how it was too long!!
Well that made Raw a little better than last week so lets give it an A-. Thanks for reading and dont forget to read my column in the WWE Forums The No Smark Zone!!
We start out with a recap of Santino winning the IC Title. I don’t give a fuck what anyone says, this was great. “Credibility”or not. Shane then announces that he is going to take on any local boy. WE WANT REGAL, CLAP CLAP CLAPCLAPCLAP! This gangly little bitch comes out. This isn’t gonna be pretty. Shane does coast to coast on the guy. Then the poor bastard has to deal with Umaga. Man I hope he gets paid a lot for this abuse. Oh man, a 3 on 1 match. Who could it be…..Vince comes out and covers the guy for the win. Well at least I got a good chuckle out of it.
We then get a reminder that its Cena/HBK tonight. In case you’ve been living under a rock…
Matt Hardy vs. Trevor Murdoch- I’ve been a fan of this ugly bastard ever since he did a DDT from the apron to the floor when he got a singles push a while back. Anyone who remembers it knows what I’m talking about. These guys are shitkickers and Matt/Jeff provide a nice contrast. A sleeper, nice. Matt tries to come back but gets jacked in the face .The fatter man goes to the 2nd rope and misses. How is it that Trevor looks MORE tan in a place with NO FUCKING SUN!? Anyway, Matt gets some offense but the cowboys cheat and Murdoch finishes off Matt with a sick ass move. I didn’t know guys over 250 lbs can do moves like that! Murdoch wins!
More Condemned hype
Looks like someone fucked up the tape because we get technical difficulties.
Orton/Edge. Who smells an injury?
Melina vs. Maria. Mmm and Mmmer. I said it last week, and I shall say it this week, Maria is fucking hot! Squash match that ends with a….pull of the hair? Meh
Carlito vs. Khali? Oh God….
For a place called Piccadilly Circus, you’d think you’d see a lion tamer, elephant, or at least a fucking CLOWN somewhere….
Carltio bravely comes out and gets his ass kicked. Looks like the waste of space tried to add a move to his repertoire. Too bad he fucked it up. Why didn’t he just come out and kick the shit out of the kid Shane brought out. Carlito yells at Flair in Spanish. Yes, they are breaking up, we get it!
A nice little promo between Mick and Edge. So I guess he and Orton are broken up now? Ok…
More Condemned…
So tomorrow we get Umaga vs. Lashley and the Originals vs. The New Breed in an elimination match? WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO TAG MATCHES!!!
Ooo a staredown before the match. Nice little promo from Cena. He is the champ, and if you don’t like it, too damn bad. The longer he’s champ, the more he pisses of smarks. The more he pisses off smarks, the happier I am. And why the fuck isn’t this the main event? ZOMG the ref is patting them down. Wow. Nice! Anyway, heeeeeeeeere we go! The match is old school from the start. When’s the last time you saw an exchange like this? Headlock takedown to a headscissors. HBK then works over the arm. I can hear the smarks falling asleep. (sorry soul I had to use it) They tease the STFU twice. Nice. Add a drop toe hold to Cenas so called “5 Moves of Doom”. Cena is being painted as the inferior wrestler despite getting one reversal with which he used his strength. The 2 get in the center of the ring and jack jaws till Cena lays out HBK with a right.
Cena then takes control with his power and it looks like he stiffs the shit out of HBK a few times. Cena keeps control. He has a chance for the FU but HBK gets out of the ring. It gets a bit more even after we come back from the commercial. They go back and forth till Oo Cena adds another move, what was that a modified sidewalk slam? Yeah Cena haters, I have two words for ya….
Cena takes control again until HBK forces a double down. The two trade off blows till HBK gets the advantage and hits the forearm. The knip up and the fuck you elbow lead to…a backslide? Cena takes a wicked bump on the apron. Looks like it hurt. HBK with a plancha and Cena catches him!!!! Yeah that’s good shit.
When we get back we get more old school work. HBK is still on the arm using a reverse chicken wing thing. I dunno. Anyway, unlike WM, Cena is selling his ass off. Cena eventually gets the FU but HBK kicks out. This has been a hell of a fucking match!!! They slow the pace down again and Cena locks in a bearhug. This is what old REAL wrestlers used to win matches. Shove that in your “we want old school” pipe and smoke it. HBK gets out of it and Cena just HURLS HBK out of the ring. Top rope rocker dropper almost does in HBK. OMG A POWERBOMB FROM HBK!!! WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON!!? Cena gets driven face first into the announcers table and does a great job of selling being KOd. The tease the piledriver from Mania but HBK gets backdropped.
When we come back the guys are fighting on the announce table. Cena gets him back into the ring and locks in the STFU!! The trade teased finishers then HBK gets SCM but Cena gets the rope. They tease more finishers but HBK GETS THE WIN WITH THE SUPERKICK!!! What a fucking match!!!!! Wow!!!! For all of you smarks (sorry soul) who complain about not enough wrestling, yeah, shut up! I don’t want to hear one of you bitch about how it was too long!!
Well that made Raw a little better than last week so lets give it an A-. Thanks for reading and dont forget to read my column in the WWE Forums The No Smark Zone!!
