We start out with a pimp ass video package of what happened last week. Edge = awesome.
WWE United States Championship: Jeff Hardy vs. Shelton Benjamin(c)
I guess the WWE were really impressed with the match these guys had last week. Its too bad Shelton is still getting as much heat as Orlando Jordan was getting three years ago around this time. Shelton looks determined and they lock up. Shelton backs Jeff into the corner and breaks. Side headlock on Hardy leads into a series of pin attempts by Jeff and even a try at a twist of fate until Benji bails. Back in the ring and Benjamin with a cheap shot and takes over with some RUTHLESS AGGRESSION! Snapmare into a rear chinlock that he applies better than anyone in the business. Hardy almost gets out but Shelton takes him down with almost a lariat. Jeff brawls his way back into it. He goes for the corner dropkick but Shelton blocks it as he did last week but Jeff counters THAT (someone has been watching tape while he's shooting up) counter and hits his reverse kick and then the corner dropkick. Jeff gets a 2 count and we go to commercial.
We come back to some counter wrestling by JEFF of all people. We get some more brawling until Hardy goes for a hurricanrana but gets POWERBOMBED into the corner! FUCK! After a snap suplex, Benji locks in some kind of leg/back lock (SP >_>) but lets go of it to go for a pin. BENJAMIN WITH THE ANGLE SLAM! ANGLE SLAM! But its only for a 2. Benjamin throws some soupbones and then hits his spin kick for a 2! GOOD GOD! North Kackalacki JawJacky from Jeff and we get a double down! Clothesline by Hardy, second rope whisper by Hardy! Twist of fate COUNTERED into that sick backbreaker! TWOS EVERYWHERE! Double cross body block into a double down! Shelton tries for a sunset flip powerbomb to the outside but its REVERSED into a hurricanrana! Back in the ring and Jeff Hardy hits another jawbreaker and goes for the win! But MVP interferes AGAIN!!! MVP accidentally hits Shelton with the Drive By Kick and then gets blasted with the Twist of Fate and a Swanton, Shelton gets one too, for good measure.
Winner: Jeff Hardy (by DQ)
Match Rating: ***3/4
Comments: WOW WHAT A MATCH!!
Vickie is afraid of Taker and Edge. No shit, id be too.
HHH will grace us with his presence tonight....
Michelle McCool/Maria vs. Maryse/Nattie Neidhart
Does anyone else want to bet Maria is a huge bitch behind the scenes? I mean you hear about it all the time how nice people on cam are cunts backstage. Anyway, Maryse and Maria start out. Maryse takes her down and poses. She then tags in Nattie who takes over with her POWER. Just like her DADDY! Sidewalk slam and a suplex. Maria is taken into the heel corner but manages to get the hot tag. Michelle comes in and hits some beautiful offense. Two European uppercuts and an irish whip into the corner. Maryse distracts Michelle who gets almost spinebustered for a loss EVEN THOUGH MICHELLE'S RIGHT SHOULDER WAS CLEARLY UP!
Winners: Nattie/Maryse
Match Rating: **
The comes out and cuts a lame promo.
Scotty Goldman vs. The
Scotty entertains me more in 10 seconds than The ever has. The takes over early and hits two nasty leg kicks. He then locks in a Camel Clutch but cant put him away. The charges Scotty in the corner and gets jacked. Scotty uses his ass, LITERALLY, and gets a close two but The hits Melba Toast for the W.
Winner: The
Match Rating: **
Eve interviews HHH. She reminds him of Khali and his basketball crusher from last week. HHH says that he's gonna beat Khali's ass at...EEEEEEXIT LIGHT. EEEEEEEEEEEEEENTER Dykstra? Kenny says tonight he's gonna take this once in a lifetime chance and make the best of it. Once in a lifetime eh? Ask Tajiri and Funaki if its ONCE in a lifetime.....
GWADBBABHGIDHCBHWC sorry, I was doing my Khali impression. The Great Khali says "I am a giant hack who is worse than Nathan Jones"
HHH vs. Kenny Dykstra
This one should be a barn-burner. Khali at ringside is a distraction to HHH as Kenny starts out like a house of fire. That is until HHH decides to actually fight back. KICK, WHAM, PEDIGREE!
Winner: HHH
Match Rating: *1/2
Post Match: HHH takes funion sing into the ring and dares Khali to get in with him. Khali does and HHH beats his ass. The WWE covers up for how shitty TGK is with some pretty smooth editing. Not gonna be able to do that at Summerslam
Big Show vs. A Jobber
I could have sworn Show and Umaga had a staredown. What happened to that.....
Winner: TBS
Match Rating: I didint see, I was taking a shit.
Vickie tries to leave but Edge gets to her. He's acting batshit insane. This vaguely reminds me of the Austin/Vince thing when they were in MY HOME TOWN and Vince was made to PISS HIS OWN PANTS!
Vladimir Kozlov vs. Festus
AWWWW YEA! Godzilla vs. Mothra! Frankenstein vs. The Mummy! Dracula vs. Angel! (like that MS?) Festus comes out throwing BOMBS and takes Vlad outside. Vladi fights back and throws Festus into the stairs. Back in the ring Vlad takes over for a good part of the match wearing Festus down. The Cornfed Colossus (TCC) gets back into it and pretty much DOMINATES Vladi. That is, until Vlad the Impailer hits his nasty headbutt!
Winner: Vladimir Kozlov
Match Rating: **
Comments: Pretty good big man match
Uh yeah, this is totally Austin/McMahon, only Edge has made it his own. No weapons, and this time, the wrestler is acting like a heel AND GETTING BOO'D! What a novel concept! Christ is Edge insane. He dumps Vickie from her chair on the concrete and then sits down in front of her, flopping like a guy who drank too much coffee. He tells Vickie there have been good times and that despite the sins hes committed. Edge then "cuddles" with Vickie and we see a package of whats happened from Vickies announcing of Hell In A Cell until last week. Edge is laughing at it and Vickie is crying. Rofl. They lye down on the outside of the ring. Edge demands that she apologize to The Undertaker for what she did to him. Edge blames Vickie for everything that has gone wrong.
Edge then calls out the UT saying he's ready. Taker will be shown pure hell at Summerslam. "Edge vs. Undertaker, Till Death Do Us Part" Yep, this seals it, Edge is the man.
Well thats another SD in the books. Great show this week. Less squashes = good. WE WILL SEE YOU NEXT WEEK!! Oh yeah, read the Raw review by that SP guy...>_>
WWE United States Championship: Jeff Hardy vs. Shelton Benjamin(c)
I guess the WWE were really impressed with the match these guys had last week. Its too bad Shelton is still getting as much heat as Orlando Jordan was getting three years ago around this time. Shelton looks determined and they lock up. Shelton backs Jeff into the corner and breaks. Side headlock on Hardy leads into a series of pin attempts by Jeff and even a try at a twist of fate until Benji bails. Back in the ring and Benjamin with a cheap shot and takes over with some RUTHLESS AGGRESSION! Snapmare into a rear chinlock that he applies better than anyone in the business. Hardy almost gets out but Shelton takes him down with almost a lariat. Jeff brawls his way back into it. He goes for the corner dropkick but Shelton blocks it as he did last week but Jeff counters THAT (someone has been watching tape while he's shooting up) counter and hits his reverse kick and then the corner dropkick. Jeff gets a 2 count and we go to commercial.
We come back to some counter wrestling by JEFF of all people. We get some more brawling until Hardy goes for a hurricanrana but gets POWERBOMBED into the corner! FUCK! After a snap suplex, Benji locks in some kind of leg/back lock (SP >_>) but lets go of it to go for a pin. BENJAMIN WITH THE ANGLE SLAM! ANGLE SLAM! But its only for a 2. Benjamin throws some soupbones and then hits his spin kick for a 2! GOOD GOD! North Kackalacki JawJacky from Jeff and we get a double down! Clothesline by Hardy, second rope whisper by Hardy! Twist of fate COUNTERED into that sick backbreaker! TWOS EVERYWHERE! Double cross body block into a double down! Shelton tries for a sunset flip powerbomb to the outside but its REVERSED into a hurricanrana! Back in the ring and Jeff Hardy hits another jawbreaker and goes for the win! But MVP interferes AGAIN!!! MVP accidentally hits Shelton with the Drive By Kick and then gets blasted with the Twist of Fate and a Swanton, Shelton gets one too, for good measure.
Winner: Jeff Hardy (by DQ)
Match Rating: ***3/4
Comments: WOW WHAT A MATCH!!
Vickie is afraid of Taker and Edge. No shit, id be too.
HHH will grace us with his presence tonight....
Michelle McCool/Maria vs. Maryse/Nattie Neidhart
Does anyone else want to bet Maria is a huge bitch behind the scenes? I mean you hear about it all the time how nice people on cam are cunts backstage. Anyway, Maryse and Maria start out. Maryse takes her down and poses. She then tags in Nattie who takes over with her POWER. Just like her DADDY! Sidewalk slam and a suplex. Maria is taken into the heel corner but manages to get the hot tag. Michelle comes in and hits some beautiful offense. Two European uppercuts and an irish whip into the corner. Maryse distracts Michelle who gets almost spinebustered for a loss EVEN THOUGH MICHELLE'S RIGHT SHOULDER WAS CLEARLY UP!
Winners: Nattie/Maryse
Match Rating: **
The comes out and cuts a lame promo.
Scotty Goldman vs. The
Scotty entertains me more in 10 seconds than The ever has. The takes over early and hits two nasty leg kicks. He then locks in a Camel Clutch but cant put him away. The charges Scotty in the corner and gets jacked. Scotty uses his ass, LITERALLY, and gets a close two but The hits Melba Toast for the W.
Winner: The
Match Rating: **
Eve interviews HHH. She reminds him of Khali and his basketball crusher from last week. HHH says that he's gonna beat Khali's ass at...EEEEEEXIT LIGHT. EEEEEEEEEEEEEENTER Dykstra? Kenny says tonight he's gonna take this once in a lifetime chance and make the best of it. Once in a lifetime eh? Ask Tajiri and Funaki if its ONCE in a lifetime.....
GWADBBABHGIDHCBHWC sorry, I was doing my Khali impression. The Great Khali says "I am a giant hack who is worse than Nathan Jones"
HHH vs. Kenny Dykstra
This one should be a barn-burner. Khali at ringside is a distraction to HHH as Kenny starts out like a house of fire. That is until HHH decides to actually fight back. KICK, WHAM, PEDIGREE!
Winner: HHH
Match Rating: *1/2
Post Match: HHH takes funion sing into the ring and dares Khali to get in with him. Khali does and HHH beats his ass. The WWE covers up for how shitty TGK is with some pretty smooth editing. Not gonna be able to do that at Summerslam
Big Show vs. A Jobber
I could have sworn Show and Umaga had a staredown. What happened to that.....
Winner: TBS
Match Rating: I didint see, I was taking a shit.
Vickie tries to leave but Edge gets to her. He's acting batshit insane. This vaguely reminds me of the Austin/Vince thing when they were in MY HOME TOWN and Vince was made to PISS HIS OWN PANTS!
Vladimir Kozlov vs. Festus
AWWWW YEA! Godzilla vs. Mothra! Frankenstein vs. The Mummy! Dracula vs. Angel! (like that MS?) Festus comes out throwing BOMBS and takes Vlad outside. Vladi fights back and throws Festus into the stairs. Back in the ring Vlad takes over for a good part of the match wearing Festus down. The Cornfed Colossus (TCC) gets back into it and pretty much DOMINATES Vladi. That is, until Vlad the Impailer hits his nasty headbutt!
Winner: Vladimir Kozlov
Match Rating: **
Comments: Pretty good big man match
Uh yeah, this is totally Austin/McMahon, only Edge has made it his own. No weapons, and this time, the wrestler is acting like a heel AND GETTING BOO'D! What a novel concept! Christ is Edge insane. He dumps Vickie from her chair on the concrete and then sits down in front of her, flopping like a guy who drank too much coffee. He tells Vickie there have been good times and that despite the sins hes committed. Edge then "cuddles" with Vickie and we see a package of whats happened from Vickies announcing of Hell In A Cell until last week. Edge is laughing at it and Vickie is crying. Rofl. They lye down on the outside of the ring. Edge demands that she apologize to The Undertaker for what she did to him. Edge blames Vickie for everything that has gone wrong.
Edge then calls out the UT saying he's ready. Taker will be shown pure hell at Summerslam. "Edge vs. Undertaker, Till Death Do Us Part" Yep, this seals it, Edge is the man.
Well thats another SD in the books. Great show this week. Less squashes = good. WE WILL SEE YOU NEXT WEEK!! Oh yeah, read the Raw review by that SP guy...>_>
check all the ways he tried to talk and move when he was on the ground with Vickie. Obviously, it was the Joker.