The scene starts with Curt Hawkins walking down a rainy street in a pleather jacket and normal jeans. He has his hands in his pockets, staring to the ground with a look of sadness on his face. After a while of walking, he spots a small area that is covered. He stands under it, hiding from the rain. Hawkins faces the camera, but doesn’t look into it.
You know… it’s been my dream for years to go 500-0… to have people look up to me as a star…
Curt wipes away something from his eye, giving a small sniffle.
But now… after my fatal four way… I’ll never be able to be 500-0…
Curt bring his hands to his face, surrounded by pure sorrow. He turns away from the camera.
Hawkins quickly snaps back towards the camera with a stock whip sound effect in the background. He has a giant smirk on his face.
But that doesn’t mean I can’t be 500-1!
Stars fly down, transitioning the scene from a rainy street to a bright tangerine orange background with white stars. In The Middle of it All begins to play as Curt Hawkins stands wearing his ring gear with a smile.
Ladies and gentlemen, it’s time to…
The camera zooms in close on Curt Hawkins’ face.
Face the Facts!
The camera zooms out. For some reason, Curt is now wearing a chef’s outfit. In front of him is a giant pot of boiling water sitting on a desk.
Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to cooking with Curt Hawkins! Today, we have something that is sure to tickle your taste buds!
Hawkins whips his head to the right and the camera follows.
Something so delicious, even Gordon Ramsay approves.
Hawkins whips his head to the left.
A taste so powerful, it can cut right through the iron chef!
Hawkins leans backwards, looking into the camera upside down.
And best of all, it’s gluten free!
Curt Hawkins pops back up to normal.
Now, it’s time to learn how to cook it!
Curt grabs a giant book and shuffles through it. He stops on a page with an ‘ah’ on his face.
Perfect!
Hawkins throws the book out off the stage.
First, we’ll need three teaspoons of baking soda.
Curt pulls a bottle of baking soda from under the desk and pours probably three teaspoons.
Next, we require two eggs.
Hawkins grabs and throws two full uncracked eggs into the boiling pot.
Next, a little bit of vanilla pudding.
Hawkins pulls out a vanilla snack pack from under the table. He unwraps it and shakes it until most of it drops into the pot.
Now, we add the vinegar.
Curt grabs a gallon of vinegar and pours the entire bottle into the pot. Some of it overflows, causing Hawkins to jump back.
Well look at that! It’s already looking delicious! Let’s see what happens after we add the final ingredient…
Curt pulls out a very tiny bottle with a tiger on it.
Curt Hawkins brand secret sauce!
Hawkins leans over the pot and adds a single drop of sauce. As the drop hits the pot, it makes a tiger roar sound. He smiles as his masterpiece is almost done.
Now to let it cook until done.
Hawkins puts a lid on the pot and places a timer next to the thing. The camera zooms into the timer, and when it zooms out, Hawkins is back in his ring gear. He points at the camera with finger guns. He stares into the camera for about ten seconds straight with the same face until the timer rings. The music in the background stops.
Perfect, let’s check our meal.
Curt Hawkins removes the lid and licks his lips.
Gentlemen, come on down!
A poorly photoshopped CM Punk and Rhyno slide onto set.
So boys, what do you say, how would you like to try a…
Hawkins quickly turns the pot around so the other side faces the camera.
Taste of Pain?!
The pot has a piece of paper taped on it with the word ‘pain’ written on it. Curt takes a spoon from under the desk and grabs some pain with it. He moves it in the general direction of Rhyno, and as soon as the spoon touches Rhyno’s mouth, the render falls to its side. Curt Hawkins dramatically turns to the camera, which zooms in on his face.
Wow, looks like this stuff is strong enough to take down a rhino!
Hawkins repeats these actions again, trying to give the photoshopped CM Punk a taste of pain as well. After the two touch and Punk falls, Hawkins turns towards the camera again.
Wow, looks like this stuff is strong enough to take down a… punk. Yeah!
Hawkins takes a spoonful of pain and eats it himself. After of few seconds of his face cringing up at the taste of his creation, he chokes down the ‘food’. With a big gasp of air, Hawkins coughs out his next line.
Well well well, looks like the alpha male here is…
A giant voice over shouts the name Curt Hawkins as small bits of pyro fire from the side. Curt points towards the camera.
Looks like I’ll be seeing you two betas in… Des Moines!
Curt winks into the camera. The scene freeze frames as a quick and monotone message is read out.
Warning: side effects of Taste of Pain are uncommon, and include headache, nausea, vomiting, death, dizziness, vaginal ejaculations, dysentery, cardiac arrhythmia, mild heart explosions, varicose veins, darkened stool, darkened soul, lycanthropy, trucanthropy, more vomiting, arteriosclerosis, hemorrhoids, diabeetus, virginity, mild discomfort, vampirism, gender impermanence, spontaneous dental hydroplosion, sugar high, even more vomiting, brown, your mom, and mild rash. Curt Hawkins is not responsible for any injuries caused by Taste of Pain, self inflicted or not. For questions or concerns of Taste of Pain, please contact Star Factory Inc.'s legal adviser, Gene Snitsky.
Remember
It’s Not Our Fault
The scene slowly begins to fade to black.
