Relationship Advice

[Jacob Fox]

I am really confused. Last fall, I thought I met my soulmate. I went to Nevada and we spent a month together. But it was an awkward month and I suspected maybe we weren't meant together. So I cam back home and tried to put it out of my mind. It wasn't easy.

In June. I entered a new relationship and we moved in together. Things have been a bit tense because although we really care about each other, we're not really mentally compatible. And we really do care about each other.

But over the past few days, the one I thought was my soulmate and I have been talking again and I feel so happy when we talk. I look forward to it everyday and I often think that maybe we were meant to be together, but we were both too shy to really know it.

So now I don't know what to do. I'm living with someone who I truly care about. But I am not sure if we're meant to be together. We're so different. But I am not sure if I want to give up something that might be life long for something that failed before.

I dunno. It's a hard situation. No one in the world can tell go me what my emotions are. But I really don't know what to do.

Should I go with the sure path, or pursue the person I thought was my soulmate?

 

[Gman003]

Shit that's a tough one.

One question that arises is:

You said things lately have been tense at home which means it's not the best right now. Then at the end you said the sure thing, or the person you thought was your soul mate.

Not being an a-hole here,but is it really a sure thing forever? I mean it has only been 6 months or so right?

I'm not saying tension ruins relationships, but I wouldn't consider it a for sure thing, ya know? Nothing in life is for sure except death

 

[Solid Snake]

If you feel like a withering plant and you are getting sunshine from some where else, you already have your answer.

(i.e. the one you spent a month with may or may not be the one for you, but the one you are with is not because you are finding happiness somewhere else for a reason)

It is ultimately your choice but from my experience, it is better to take the leap of faith. My leap landed me in the arms of the most wonderful man (in my eyes) in the world.

 

[Black Wizard]

I think it's important to follow your heart.

You have a potentially lifelong thing going on right now, but I think if you settled for that and gave up on the person you think might be your soulmate, I think eventually you'd regret it. You might have had an awkward month with the person you believe to be your soulmate before, but that could have been nerves on both of your ends.

That's just how I look at it. Putting myself in your shoes, I think I'd never be able to forgive myself if I didn't follow my heart and at least try what I know is going to make me happy, whether it worked out or not, passing up on the potential chance would be something I'd regret forever.

 

[CrayJ Lee]

My first impression from reading that is that you jump quickly into relationships and when you have strong feelings for someone that you're all in 100% with that person. Although I would not personally move in with my significant other only five or six months into the relationship, from experience I know that you learn more about someone the more you spend time with them (sometimes for the better and sometimes for the worse). Although your comments about your current relationship imply that you're not as happy right now as you have been, I would recommend having that difficult conversation about that and discussing ways you can work together to improve it. After that discussion, if you still feel like your heart is somewhere else and with someone else, you need to be fair to your current relationship and let that person go. It's not fair to them if your heart is somewhere else when they're giving you their all.

If you do decide to try again with the person you saw as your soulmate, I would really recommend that you take your time to get to them again. Not to sound cynical, but relationships don't work out for a reason. Talk with them about why you think it didn't work out the first time, and see if you can work out a way to make it more successful this time around.

 

[Pop Tatari]

I think you should follow your heart, it is not fair to the one you are with if you do not think you are compatible with on all levels. It is wasting your time and hers. No point being in a relationship for the sake of it.

 

[Jacob Fox]

I haven't really responded yet but I want to thank everyone for their advice. It's ironic that being a psychologist, you have to learn how to help people when they have problems... however it's nearly impossible to use that training on yourself.

I'm still not 100% sure what I will do, but I will like to say that I definitely don't jump into relationships. I'm actually all for taking it slow and letting it run its natural course. I invited my current relationship to live here when we were just friends. I had absolutely no idea it was going to be anything other than me helping out a good friend. It is also like the relationship just sort of spontaneously happened. And maybe this is the problem I am having with it. I don't like to move things too fast. I value my privacy and alone time. I've never been good at sharing parts of my life with people. And having someone living with me who then forms a relationship with me... well it's just so different than what I am used to.

I was together with my longest relationship for four years and we never moved in together. We actually never even discussed it. We broke up in 2011 and part of me thinks that if we stayed together, we'd still not be living together.

I think the biggest problem is that maybe I'm not even a relationship person. Maybe I'm just not the person meant to be in one. Because no matter what, no matter how much I really like someone, once I am in a relationship with them, I just sort of want to be left alone. I think going back to the possible "soulmate" might just be my natural desire to be left alone manifesting itself in a different way.

I dunno really. I definitely appreciate everyone's advice and will take it into consideration for what I do next. I do feel like the two of us are trying to fit two parts together that just don't fit and lord knows that doesn't ever work.

Thank you everyone for your input

 

[ShaRpY HaRdY]

You got yourself a dilemma.. I am actually just getting out of something like this.. Everyone's situation is different though..

My advice, stay clear from women and get a straight mind of what you actually want to do with your life at least as far as like a 10 year plan goes.. then go from there. I'm going to say that if you're having doubts on either of these women if you should be with one or the other and you can't make a decision it is most likely because deep down you know both of them actually aren't right for you and you still haven't found your soul mate.. You two would be inseparable if that's the case. Don't go dropping anchors if you're not entirely sure, that's always the point.. I wouldn't personally move in with another female partner of mine until we were both dead set on eventually marrying eachother and felt love every day for a LOONG LOONG TIME..