Alright y'all, first off I wanna give a shoutout to youtubealarm.com. This special edition of the rate thread is sponsored by those guys and wouldn't be possible without them. Mostly because apparently it decided to only play the first 29 seconds of the video, causing me to not hear it and miss half the show live, which in turn made this rate thread be MUCH less interesting than it should have been.
So without further ado, I present to you the official Rate Thread for Crown Jewel 2019. Please be sure to vote above and leave your thoughts on the show below.
So yeah, there's your show. Sorry I didn't give the level of detail, humor, and pure awesomeness that you've all come to expect from yours truly. But man, I'm fuckin tired, guys. Wish me luck for work tonight, and hopefully I'll see y'all around in the Smackdown Discussion tomorrow night!
So without further ado, I present to you the official Rate Thread for Crown Jewel 2019. Please be sure to vote above and leave your thoughts on the show below.
Show kicked off (literally, it was on the kickoff show!) with a Number 1 Contender's 20 Man Battle Royal, with the winner getting their shot later in the night. Humberto Carillo would last eliminate Erick Rowan. Also, R-Truth rolled up Sunil Singh after they were both eliminated to become the new 24/7 Champion
Main show opened up with a glorified MMA squash match, with Brock Lesnar successfully defending his WWE Title against Cain Velasquez via submission with the kimura. Brock and Rey fought after the match with chairs and stuff. Brock gets his win back from Cain from like decades ago, and it sets up Rey vs Brock for the near future.
Tag Team Turmoil is next. Was either really good based on the quality of most of the teams in this, or really boring based on the general way that these Turmoil matches work. Da OC Baldies end up winning this by defeating the last team to enter, the War Raiders, and are now allegedly the Best Tag Team in the World. I won't believe it, however, until our almighty King Corbin declares them as such.
BIG DOG Mansoor defeated Cesaro in probably the only match I'll honestly go back to watch, as I was really looking forward to this one.
Boxing Dude beat Braun Strowman by countout after punching him off the apron, which is pretty much in this case the exact same thing as a knockout, except it better protects Braun in the record books I guess.
Samir Singh defeated R-Truth after Truth ran into a door to capture the 24/7 Title.
Battle Royal winner from earlier, Humberto Carillo, took the fight to AJ Styles in another rookie sensation showcase, but failed to capture the United States title after succumbing to the Phenomenal Forearm. It was in the middle of this match where I woke up in a panic for fear of missing this show, for those who are wondering.
In a truly historic and emotional match, Natalya submitted Lacey Evans to the Sharpshooter. The crowd was surprisingly hot for this one. Of note, both women wore T-shirts over their full-body covering gear. After the match, Graves and Cole seemed legitimately choked up a little bit. Would be lying if I said I didn't have a tear of joy in my eye during this, too. It's times like this where you realize that professional wrestling sometimes truly does have the power to change the world for the better. Well done WWE.
Team Hogan (Roman Reigns, Shorty G, Ali, Rusev and Ricochet) defeated Team Flair (Baron Corbin, Bobby Lashley, Shinskue Nakamura, Randy Orton and Drew McIntyre) in what amounted to the standard "everyone gets their shit in" showcase with this many people involved. The Rusev/Lashley angle was played up a little bit, but not nearly enough for this feud to be over. Reigns got the pin on Orton after a spear.
And lastly, the entitled people on the internet who think their fantasy booking is the only thing that matters can finally SHUT THE FUCK UP because after an awesome Falls Count Anywhere Can't Be Stopped For Any Reason main event, THE FIEND has slayed the slayer to bring home the Universal Championship to the Firefly Funhouse. YOWIE WOWIE.
Sunil Singh, Mojo Rawley, Erick Rowan, R-Truth, Sin Cara, Brian Kendrick, Titus O'Neil, Tony Nese, Akira Tozawa, Shelton Benjamin, Apollo Crews, Buddy Murphy, Andrade, Drake Maverick, Eric Young, Luke Harper, Cedric Alexander, Heath Slater, Humberto Carrillo and No Way Jose
Main show opened up with a glorified MMA squash match, with Brock Lesnar successfully defending his WWE Title against Cain Velasquez via submission with the kimura. Brock and Rey fought after the match with chairs and stuff. Brock gets his win back from Cain from like decades ago, and it sets up Rey vs Brock for the near future.
Tag Team Turmoil is next. Was either really good based on the quality of most of the teams in this, or really boring based on the general way that these Turmoil matches work. Da OC Baldies end up winning this by defeating the last team to enter, the War Raiders, and are now allegedly the Best Tag Team in the World. I won't believe it, however, until our almighty King Corbin declares them as such.
BIG DOG Mansoor defeated Cesaro in probably the only match I'll honestly go back to watch, as I was really looking forward to this one.
Boxing Dude beat Braun Strowman by countout after punching him off the apron, which is pretty much in this case the exact same thing as a knockout, except it better protects Braun in the record books I guess.
Samir Singh defeated R-Truth after Truth ran into a door to capture the 24/7 Title.
Battle Royal winner from earlier, Humberto Carillo, took the fight to AJ Styles in another rookie sensation showcase, but failed to capture the United States title after succumbing to the Phenomenal Forearm. It was in the middle of this match where I woke up in a panic for fear of missing this show, for those who are wondering.
In a truly historic and emotional match, Natalya submitted Lacey Evans to the Sharpshooter. The crowd was surprisingly hot for this one. Of note, both women wore T-shirts over their full-body covering gear. After the match, Graves and Cole seemed legitimately choked up a little bit. Would be lying if I said I didn't have a tear of joy in my eye during this, too. It's times like this where you realize that professional wrestling sometimes truly does have the power to change the world for the better. Well done WWE.
Team Hogan (Roman Reigns, Shorty G, Ali, Rusev and Ricochet) defeated Team Flair (Baron Corbin, Bobby Lashley, Shinskue Nakamura, Randy Orton and Drew McIntyre) in what amounted to the standard "everyone gets their shit in" showcase with this many people involved. The Rusev/Lashley angle was played up a little bit, but not nearly enough for this feud to be over. Reigns got the pin on Orton after a spear.
And lastly, the entitled people on the internet who think their fantasy booking is the only thing that matters can finally SHUT THE FUCK UP because after an awesome Falls Count Anywhere Can't Be Stopped For Any Reason main event, THE FIEND has slayed the slayer to bring home the Universal Championship to the Firefly Funhouse. YOWIE WOWIE.
So yeah, there's your show. Sorry I didn't give the level of detail, humor, and pure awesomeness that you've all come to expect from yours truly. But man, I'm fuckin tired, guys. Wish me luck for work tonight, and hopefully I'll see y'all around in the Smackdown Discussion tomorrow night!
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