- Joined
- Dec 23, 2011
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“I started kind of like getting in my head, and this is after I met Kim, and I had three stepsons, and I have two daughters, and I kind of got overwhelmed. And I started getting, I don’t even really want to get into this, but I don’t even give a fuck. What the hell? We all are human. Like, I was having panic attacks, and it started to become hard to fly. It started to become hard to stay in another bed. And I would be like up all night, and it was really rough. And I think it kind of came to a head when I had my spinal fusion and I was out for like a year and a half, and it was like, here’s my identity. This is who I am. This is like the one thing I know that I’m good at and I get respect for. And I can’t do it anymore.”
“I got to like a dark place, and I started to revert back to some of my old habits. And I’ve got a wife and five kids and luckily I was able to kind of nip it in the bud quick. She saw it happening and I was put on some SSRIs. It’s like an anti-depression, anti-anxiety medication. And I’ve actually been off of them for about six months and I feel like I’m myself again. But I needed them for a few years, Steph, because like — I can’t believe I’m talking about this. I just, I didn’t know if I could do this job anymore even after I came back.”
“My head was just going — it was like playing out all the scenarios, worst case. It was trying to go to bed at night and then not being able to lay down in bed because my mind would start going and then all of a sudden I’d get like hot and I’d have to get out of bed. And then I’d be like, everyone’s sleeping in the house and I’m out walking around our yard, just taking deep breaths. And I met an amazing doctor and she gave me just pages and pages of information on how to deal with panic attacks and stuff."
“I don’t know that the medication ever worked, but it made me feel not myself. So I didn’t like the medication, but I kept taking it because I thought that, well, I need to take this because if I don’t, I’m going to have panic attacks. I was having them anyway, you know? And like honestly, it’s been, gosh, what is it? June. It’s like coming on six months since I’ve had a panic attack.”