Welcome to the 30th No Smark Zone. I know last week I promised you Fact or Fiction at the end of last weeks entry, however one of the panelists has his head stuck in his bag o weed. So this week I will get into my thoughts on the great MVP/Matt Hardy feud, I will do some role reversal with TNA and the WWE, and I will get into something I love to do, booking and writing stories. So lets dive in!
MVP/Matt Hardy
So a while ago I got a PM from a member of the forum asking my opinion about something. I’d like to apologize 1, for not remembering who you are, and 2, getting around to this so late. They said that the MVP/Matt Hardy feud was one of the best he had ever seen. He asked me why it was able to sustain for so long and why it was so popular to begin with. Well, to answer the first question can be answered by the second question. The reason it lasted so long was because it was so popular. Popularity equals longevity in the wrestling business, which is why Jeff Hardy was always going to have a job, until he did more drugs than Marion Barry.
But the feud itself was popular for a few reasons. For one, there was a lot of genuine chemistry between Matt Hardy and MVP. They obviously geld in the ring and on camera. Everything just came out of them so naturally. That’s why the skits between them, while kinda cheesy, still came off so effortlessly and the fans picked up on that. No one buys anything that is forced in the wrestling business. Everything that they did looked like something you could see them doing in real life. You buy that MVP really wanted to prove he was better than Matt Hardy. You believed that Matt Hardy could easily take advantage of MVPs arrogance and use it to beat him in these various events.
And then when they tagged up, you bought it anyway because you could identify with all of the concepts involved. MVP didn’t want to face Hardy. Hardy wanted the US title. MVP thought up the tag titles thing to get out of it, etc. And then for, however long it was, they built this team. They built this comradery. Then, at the perfect moment, when people were actually starting to buy MVP as a face, he turned and beat the piss out of Matt Hardy. It doesn’t happen a lot in wrestling, but it made so many people get up and start screaming at MVP. I mean you could tell, there were people in that crowd who wanted HIS BLOOD. I know, I was one of them. I was so fucking pissed when he did that shit. It was one of those times I wanted to reach through the TV and beat the shit out of someone I saw on TV. The last time I did that was when detective Tritter was masterfully played on House. (a series I highly recommend bwt)
Another reason it was so popular was that the matches were always so damn good. I mean if I went back and looked at my SD reviews, I bet those are almost always the best or second best matches of the night. And if you watch them, they aren’t these great technical masterpiece, they are just believable. And that’s all that really matters. If the fans don’t buy into it, you’re fucked. But the matches (when it was Matt vs. MVP) went like this. MVP played the cocky prick, Matt Hardy played the never say quit fighter. MVP acts like a cocky fuck and toys with him when he shouldn’t have and Matt Hardy makes his eventual comeback leading into whatever the finish is. That was what the fans expected and that’s what they got, thus them liking it.
And the biggest reason it got over so well was because it followed the KISS methodology. And no, I don’t mean they rocked and rolled all night and partied every day. What I mean was they “kept it simple, stupid.” The feud, the characters, the matches, everything about the feud was kept simple. I don’t know why, exactly, but those are usually the things that get over. The matches didn’t have 14 phase high spots, the interviews weren’t these interwoven lines of whatever. The segments weren’t these convoluted skits trying to make some “statement” or “trying to break new ground” they were just simple, relatable stories. So now that I have taken up about a page, we have the actual reason why the MVP/Matt Hardy feud was, and will continue to be, when he gets back, a great feud. The fans could relate to it.
Role Reversal
Now, a lot of people think that I am unduly harsh on TNA and ROH, moreso TNA. They think that I have some blind hate for them and that I do nothing but criticize them just because I don’t like them for some reason. Others contend that I am all about the WWE and I never call them on their bullshit, which is itself, a load of bullshit. So what I am going to do for this next segment is tell you all what I like about TNA and what I don’t like about the WWE.
TNA
Spot Booking: Now, while there has been a LOT of bullshit in TNA’s booking, there is something to be said about their spotty booking. At the very least, it makes for a variety of match ups, at least something is good in TNA. It is nice to see the stars you like having fresh match ups. However, as you know, you cant always have these great fresh matches week in and week out if you really want to have a good cohesive story going.
Wrestlers: TNA has a few guys that I really get into and if they weren’t being so grossly misused, I would watch them a lot more.
Christian Cage- He has always been good. Best used as a good babyface or a cocky cowardly heel. Instead of him being used in either of those capacities, he was booked as a vicious heel and now as a wishy washy heel/face mix. I do like a lot of the moves he has come up with since moving to TNA. I really liked that middle rope teeter todder kick thing he did against Judas Mesias last night.
Kurt Angle- I mean how can you not like him, or at least love to hate him. He’s a great wrestler and you look at him and you just wanna punch him in the head. I mean not only is he guaranteed to have at least a 3 star match with anyone, anywhere he is, he has the look of a star.
Abyss- Not so much the work from him, but the character. He’s pretty interesting. Sure, on the surface, its your Undertaker monster gimmick, but when you get down into it, he’s a lot more like a cross between Mankind and Kane than anything. The monster in the movies that you are afraid of but can’t turn your head from.
Booker T- From his honor feud with Benoit back in WCW to King Booker late in his WW days, Booker T has never failed to entertain. In the ring or out of the ring, Booker T is just god damned entertaining.
The LAX- The best tag team to come along, anywhere, in a long time. I have always been a huge fan of the “tank and a Portia” tag team and this one is pretty much perfect. I really liked when they had Konan as their mouthpiece because I haven’t heard a lot from them and Konan did a lot for them. I like the Gringo Killer, I like the Border Toss, and while she looked WAY HOTTER as a vampire, Selinas is a great addition to the troop.
Writing: Just so everyone knows, this is WAY different from booking. Booking is just matches, stuff that happens in the match, and the finishes to the matches. Writing is a completely different animal. Vince Russo is a WRITER, and Dusty Rhodes is a BOOKER, and the two shouldn’t really cross paths unless they absolutely have to. The writing in some places is really good. Booker T’s feud with Roode is good. What’s going on with AJ, Tomko, and Team Angle is good and the rip off of Kane and Undertaker in Mesias and Abyss, while TOTALLY RIPPED OFF, is good.
Ok so there are some POSITIVE things about TNA, now onto what needs to be changed in the WWE, IMO.
Brand Split- Either stick to it, or end it. I really wasn’t a fan of the “talent exchange” with ECW, but I was willing to go along with it because they explained it. Now they have Mark Henry and Finlay showing up on Raw and The Highlanders showing up on ECW. What the fuck is that!? What is the point of having separate and distinct brands unless they actually STAY SEPARATE?
ECW- Quit shitting all over it, and it’s title. I mean I know Vince isn’t purposely trying to drive it into the ground because he is a smart business man, and he isn’t going to take any kind of financial hit unless he will gain it back in the long run. Putting Chavo in the Royal Rumble was just the worst move Vince could have made at that time. And get the god damn SMACKDOWN tag team champs off ECW. It makes absolutely no sense whatsoever.
The Titles- Make the titles mean more. The WWE and WHC are the only titles that have credibility anymore, with the US Title in a semi-close 3rd and the ECW Title in a distant 4th. I really fucking hate it when the WWE puts ANYTHING on the show above the feud that the brands champion is in. If we are to believe that Edge’s World Heavyweight Title is what Rey Mysterio, Batista, Undertaker, MVP and all the rest really want, why the fuck is Edge’s match or Rey Mysterio’s match with someone Edge set him up to face in anything BUT THE MAIN EVENT! It boggles the mind.
Tag Teams- They have been getting a lot better as of late with the additions of The Edgeheads, Jesse & Festus, and Deuce & Domino on SD, at least one part of the tag division has sprung up. I do like the spot team of Holly and Rhodes because there is a kind of teacher and student thing going on, but it’s still crap because there is no though put into any stories for these guys, in all reality. And unless there is something thought of for them, the tag team division in the WWE is going to continue to suckify.
Ahh, that felt good to get off my chest.
Redux
Now in keeping with the theme of what the WWE is doing wrong, I am going to do something I haven’t done in a long time. I am going to do some booking for the WWE, so to speak. Ok, so anyone who has seen what I have to say about the Elimination Chambers coming up at No Way Out knows I am not a fan. I mean, for one, you are exhausting your product by having two of them, but if they don’t do any more this year, it should be fine. You can only have steak so many times before you get sick of it ya know? So what I am going to do is rebook BOTH Chambers and the lead up to Wrestlemania. So without further adieu, Kaedon Redux’s The Elimination Chambers.
Week 1
Raw
Raw announces that it will have an Elimination Chamber at No Way Out and leading up to the PPV, there will be a series of matches to determine who will be in it. And tonight’s first match will be HHH vs. Shawn Michaels.
HHH goes to Vince and asks why he is making him and Shawn fight, he says the fans want to see both of them in the Chamber. Vince says he doesn’t care what he or the fans want, he wants to see DX tear themselves apart just for a chance to get a shot at the WWE Title.
HHH vs. HBK ends in a no contest when both men go for 45 minutes and neither man can respond to the refs 10 count after HBK hits Sweet Chin Music.
Smackdown
TRL comes out and says he is not going to be outdone by Raw and that Smackdown will ALSO have an Elimination Chamber match at No Way Out. And also, not to be outdone, he is going to have an even more innovative way to come up with the 6 participants in his Elimination Chamber. TRL says over the next 3 weeks there will be 3 tag team matches. And the winners of those tag team matches will be the men in the Elimination Chamber. And tonight, the first match will be The Brothers of Destruction vs. Mark Henry and Big Daddy V.
The BOD def. The Fat Boyz
Week 2
Raw
Vince announces that since neither HBK or HHH won their match last week, neither ONE of them would be in the Elimination Chamber. They both bring up the fact that neither one of them lost so they deserve another shot. Vince agrees and says if they win their match tonight, they will get into the chamber. Tonight, they will be a handicapped match, against Vince’s bastard son, Hornswaggle.
DX vs. Hornswaggle
Out in the ring Shawn and HHH argue. HHH wants to go though with it but Shawn doesn’t want to. Shawn even tries to stop him from hitting Hornswaggle. Horny then realizes no one is coming to help him so he gets the ref’s attention and punches him in the balls, causing him to get himself DQ’d and putting DX in the Elimination Chamber.
Jeff Hardy def. Carlito
Smackdown
MVP comes out and says he has been given a chance to get into the Elimination Chamber. He also says that he has found himself, a tag team partner from the B- show, ECW, who is going to help him realize his destiny of going to the main event at Wrestlemania. He is the Gold Standard, Shelton Benjamin.
Finlay comes out and says he also has a partner from ECW. He’s a man who loves to fight as much as he does. He is Tommy Dreamer!
MVP and Shelton Benjamin def. Finlay and Tommy Dreamer
Week 3
Raw
Vince says tonight we will determine the final slots in the Elimination Chamber. First Umaga takes on Gene Snitsky, JBL will take on fellow Texan Cody Rhodes, and Chris Jericho will take on Ken Kennedy.
JBL def. Rhodes
Umaga def. Snitsky
Jericho def. Kennedy with interference from Flair
Smackdown
Batista asks Vickie if he can go it alone since he doesn’t need a partner to get into the chamber. Vickie says no and that he needs to have a partner. She says his partner is someone he knows very well, and that he is someone who has something to prove when it comes to Batista. Tonight his partner will be Elijah Burke. And they will be facing The Great Khali and Chuck Palumbo.
Batista and Elijah Burke def. The Great Khali and Chuck Palumbo after Jamie Noble distracts Palumbo and lures him to the back.
Week 4
Raw
Vince says that this week, everyone in the chamber will participate in beat the clock challenges, the winner will be the last in the chamber.
HHH def. William Regal in 7 min. 29sec.
Jeff Hardy doesn’t beat Snitsky in time
Chris Jericho doesn’t beat Carlito in time
JBL pays Santino Marella and Carlito to jump Hardcore Holly before their beat the clock match and JBL def. Hardcore Holly in 1 min. 43 sec.
Umaga doesn’t beat Ric Flair in time
HBK doesn’t beat Mr. Kennedy in time
JBL will be last in the chamber for Raw.
Smackdown
Vickie says she thinks the fans of the WWE don’t want to know who is coming in at what time in the chamber. She thinks they want to be surprised. So she will not be having a beat the clock challenge. She will, however, give the fans a preview of the Elimination Chamber as The Brothers of Destruction and Batista take on MVP, Elijah Burke, and Shelton Benjamin.
The BOD/Batista vs. MVP, Burke, and Benjamin ends in a no contest when everyone comes in and the ref loses control.
No Way Out
Smackdown Chamber
-Shelton Benjamin and Kane are the first ones in
-They last till MVP comes in @ 3
-Kane is almost eliminated 5 times by double teams from MVP and Shelton
-They all last till Burke comes in @ 4
-The heels triple team Kane and eliminate him
-Taker comes in @ 5. Taker comes in and cleans house
-Elijah Burke is eliminated with a chokeslam to the steel off the top rope.
-Batista comes in @ 6
-Shelton Benjamin is eliminated when he dives off the chamber at Batista and is speared -into the steel.
-Taker beats MVP with a tombstone on the steel.
-Batista spears Taker into and out of one of the pods.
-Batista is beaten eventually after a chokeslam, a last ride, and a tombsone.
-Taker wins the Smackdown Elimination Chamber
Raw Chamber
-Umaga and Jericho are the first ones in
-They last until HHH comes in @ 3
-They last until HBK comes in @ 4
-HBK and HHH team up and eliminate Umaga
-Jeff Hardy comes in @ 5
-HHH and HBK team up and eliminate Jericho
-JBL comes in @ 6
-Jeff Hardy nearly kills himself doing a spot and is eliminated by HBK
-HBK holds up JBL and HHH swings with the sledgehammer, misses and hits HBK, KOing him.
-JBL misses the clothesline from hell and gets hit with a pedigree
-HHH eliminates JBL
-HHH shows HBK the sledgehammer and then throws it aside
-DX fight for 10 minutes ending with HHH hitting a pedigree on the steel grate
-HHH wins the Raw Elimination Chamber
-Edge def. Rey Mysterio
-Randy Orton def. John Cena and reinjures him, taking him out indefinitely.
4 weeks till Mania
Raw
Orton comes out and says that there are only a few stops left on the Road to Wrestlemania. And after those few stops, we will be one step closer to fulfilling his destiny to being the greatest sports entertainer the world has ever seen.
HHH comes out and says Orton’s not there yet and after Mania, he is gonna take about 3 steps back after he is beaten.
Orton says he isn’t living in HHH’s shadow anymore, and he is going to usher in a new era of wrestlers. One who isn’t stuck on living off past glory, one who isn’t concerned with anything but winning at any cost, and one who doesn’t use BACKSTAGE RELATIONSHIPS to further their careers.
HHH gets into Orton’s face until Vince interrupts them and says things are getting a little too heated. He thinks since HHH is so fired up, he should get a little action. He says Orton had a hard match last night so he doesn’t have to wrestle but HHH, he is going to have a match against JBL.
Main Event: JBL vs. HHH
Orton RKO’s HHH when the ref has his back turned, JBL wins.
Smackdown
Edge hosts an edition of The Cutting Edge and his guest is The Undertaker. When they are both in the ring, Edge starts talking about Takers record at Wrestlemania and his decade of destruction. He then reminds Taker of their days together in the Ministry and how Edge was always the silent leader in the group. How they should have been called Edge’s Ministry, and to quote another pretty good champion on the B show, Taker is living off his past laurels. Edge says he cant way to get to Wrestlemania and do what no person has been able to do, end Takers winning streak at Wrestlemania. Taker grabs Edge by the throat and his about to chokeslam him when Vickie Guerrero comes on the screen and says if Taker doesn’t put Edge down, he be suspended indefinitely. After Taker does this, she says that if there is any contact between Edge and Taker, not in a match, before Wrestlemania, there will be no World Heavyweight Championship match at Wrestlemania. Edge and Undertaker both look pissed.
Later Edge is talking to Vickie and Edge is yelling at her. She apologizes and says she just didn’t want to see Edge get hurt. Edge says it’s ok and asks her to book him and Taker in a match tonight. She asks if he is sure and then he whispers something to her. She and he both smile.
Taker is in the ring and Edge comes out and says he is going to take on Taker in a 3 on 1 No DQ Handicapped Match.
The Rated R Superstars vs. The Undertaker
Taker and Edge never get into it unless Edge is hitting Taker from behind and at the end of the match, Edge gives Taker a one man con-chair-to and then all 3 of them give him a triple con-chair-to, leaving him bloody and motionless in the ring.
3 weeks till Mania
Raw
HHH comes out and says that what Orton did last week was good. He gives him credit. He then says since Orton has a partner, why doesn’t HHH find a partner and we have ourselves a tag match?
Orton and JBL come out to the stage and says he isn’t going to have anything to do with another boring resurgence of DX.
HHH says he isn’t going to ask Shawn to be has partner.
Orton and JBL agree to the match as long as his partner isn’t HBK.
Orton/JBL vs. HHH and ???
HHH comes out and announces that his partner has long blonde hair, he is one of the best technical high flyers of all time, he is a former World Champion. Orton gets upset and says if HBK comes out they are walking. HHH says not to worry, his partner isn’t HBK, it’s Chris Jericho.
The match ends when HHH pins JBL.
Smackdown
The Undertakers music hits. The lights got out and he comes out with his coat and hat However when the lights come up, we find out that its Edge. Edge says that The Undertaker isn’t going to be here tonight, and may not even make it to Wrestlemania after the beating he and his team mates put on him last week. The lights go out again and Takers music hits. Edge says something about the joke being over but its not a joke as Taker appears on the screen and says Edge might be able to injure his body, but he can not kill his spirit, his legacy, and his family. When the lights come back on, Kane is behind him and gives him a chokeslam.
Edge asks Vickie for a match against Kane. She looks at him, smiles and says she knows exactly what he wants.
Kane vs. The Edgeheads in a no DQ 3-1 Handicapped Match
Before the match can get started, Rey Mysterio’s music hits and he comes down and stands in Kane’s corner.
The match ends when Rey 619’s Hawkins into Kane’s chokeslam and Edge abandons his troops.
2 weeks till Mania
Raw
Orton/HHH Press conference
We have a press conference set in the ring. Orton on one side, HHH on the other, Regal in the middle. Basically, everyone from the back comes out and “shoots” on Orton or HHH and how they feel the match will go including all of the Raw feuds at Mania leading to a huge brawl in the ring.
Smackdown
With Taker not scheduled to be there in any way, Edge calls out Taker. Michael Cole says that Edge knows Taker wasn’t able to show up. Just then the lights go out and we get a gong. Taker appears in the ring but Edge gets cocky and says Taker cant touch him because they aren’t in a match. Taker then points to the entrance. When Edge looks, Kane’s music hits. Kane goes to his brother and says not to worry, he will take care of it.
Kane vs. Edge
Taker stands stoic at ringside as they have their match, Edge even gets in Undertakers face, trying to get Taker to strike him. The Edgeheads try to come out and help Edge but Taker holds them off. While the ref tries to break that up, Kane takes a steel chair to the head and a spear and loses.
1 week till Mania
Raw
Vince announces a huge show with all of the participants in the Wrestlemania main events are in the house tonight. He also says the ban on contact between Edge and Taker is lifted as of tonight.
Taker vs. Randy Orton
Edge screws Taker by distracting him allowing Orton to hit the RKO. HHH comes out as Rated RKO start double teaming and we get
Edge vs. HHH
Taker and Orton both stay at ringside and it ends in Edge getting himself DQd by bringing a chair into the ring to use it on HHH. Taker and HHH stand in the ring as Rated RKO leave.
Smackdown
HHH and Randy Orton vs. Edge and Undertaker
Edge and Undertaker win when Orton RKO’s HHH and walks off
Wrestlemania
Edge def. Undertaker
HHH def. Randy Orton
PHEW. Wow that was a lot. Booking is not as easy as people think it is. And what I did was nowhere near perfect but I think it was better than what the WWE have add to that fact that I was pretty much not taking any other feuds into consideration which you just cant do in the real world. If there is a scenario you’d like me to book or rebook, let me know and I’ll do it here in the No Smark Zone. Well that’s it for this week, hopefully next week we will get some Fact or Fiction in, if a certain primate gets his bananas together. See ya next time!
MVP/Matt Hardy
So a while ago I got a PM from a member of the forum asking my opinion about something. I’d like to apologize 1, for not remembering who you are, and 2, getting around to this so late. They said that the MVP/Matt Hardy feud was one of the best he had ever seen. He asked me why it was able to sustain for so long and why it was so popular to begin with. Well, to answer the first question can be answered by the second question. The reason it lasted so long was because it was so popular. Popularity equals longevity in the wrestling business, which is why Jeff Hardy was always going to have a job, until he did more drugs than Marion Barry.
But the feud itself was popular for a few reasons. For one, there was a lot of genuine chemistry between Matt Hardy and MVP. They obviously geld in the ring and on camera. Everything just came out of them so naturally. That’s why the skits between them, while kinda cheesy, still came off so effortlessly and the fans picked up on that. No one buys anything that is forced in the wrestling business. Everything that they did looked like something you could see them doing in real life. You buy that MVP really wanted to prove he was better than Matt Hardy. You believed that Matt Hardy could easily take advantage of MVPs arrogance and use it to beat him in these various events.
And then when they tagged up, you bought it anyway because you could identify with all of the concepts involved. MVP didn’t want to face Hardy. Hardy wanted the US title. MVP thought up the tag titles thing to get out of it, etc. And then for, however long it was, they built this team. They built this comradery. Then, at the perfect moment, when people were actually starting to buy MVP as a face, he turned and beat the piss out of Matt Hardy. It doesn’t happen a lot in wrestling, but it made so many people get up and start screaming at MVP. I mean you could tell, there were people in that crowd who wanted HIS BLOOD. I know, I was one of them. I was so fucking pissed when he did that shit. It was one of those times I wanted to reach through the TV and beat the shit out of someone I saw on TV. The last time I did that was when detective Tritter was masterfully played on House. (a series I highly recommend bwt)
Another reason it was so popular was that the matches were always so damn good. I mean if I went back and looked at my SD reviews, I bet those are almost always the best or second best matches of the night. And if you watch them, they aren’t these great technical masterpiece, they are just believable. And that’s all that really matters. If the fans don’t buy into it, you’re fucked. But the matches (when it was Matt vs. MVP) went like this. MVP played the cocky prick, Matt Hardy played the never say quit fighter. MVP acts like a cocky fuck and toys with him when he shouldn’t have and Matt Hardy makes his eventual comeback leading into whatever the finish is. That was what the fans expected and that’s what they got, thus them liking it.
And the biggest reason it got over so well was because it followed the KISS methodology. And no, I don’t mean they rocked and rolled all night and partied every day. What I mean was they “kept it simple, stupid.” The feud, the characters, the matches, everything about the feud was kept simple. I don’t know why, exactly, but those are usually the things that get over. The matches didn’t have 14 phase high spots, the interviews weren’t these interwoven lines of whatever. The segments weren’t these convoluted skits trying to make some “statement” or “trying to break new ground” they were just simple, relatable stories. So now that I have taken up about a page, we have the actual reason why the MVP/Matt Hardy feud was, and will continue to be, when he gets back, a great feud. The fans could relate to it.
Role Reversal
Now, a lot of people think that I am unduly harsh on TNA and ROH, moreso TNA. They think that I have some blind hate for them and that I do nothing but criticize them just because I don’t like them for some reason. Others contend that I am all about the WWE and I never call them on their bullshit, which is itself, a load of bullshit. So what I am going to do for this next segment is tell you all what I like about TNA and what I don’t like about the WWE.
TNA
Spot Booking: Now, while there has been a LOT of bullshit in TNA’s booking, there is something to be said about their spotty booking. At the very least, it makes for a variety of match ups, at least something is good in TNA. It is nice to see the stars you like having fresh match ups. However, as you know, you cant always have these great fresh matches week in and week out if you really want to have a good cohesive story going.
Wrestlers: TNA has a few guys that I really get into and if they weren’t being so grossly misused, I would watch them a lot more.
Christian Cage- He has always been good. Best used as a good babyface or a cocky cowardly heel. Instead of him being used in either of those capacities, he was booked as a vicious heel and now as a wishy washy heel/face mix. I do like a lot of the moves he has come up with since moving to TNA. I really liked that middle rope teeter todder kick thing he did against Judas Mesias last night.
Kurt Angle- I mean how can you not like him, or at least love to hate him. He’s a great wrestler and you look at him and you just wanna punch him in the head. I mean not only is he guaranteed to have at least a 3 star match with anyone, anywhere he is, he has the look of a star.
Abyss- Not so much the work from him, but the character. He’s pretty interesting. Sure, on the surface, its your Undertaker monster gimmick, but when you get down into it, he’s a lot more like a cross between Mankind and Kane than anything. The monster in the movies that you are afraid of but can’t turn your head from.
Booker T- From his honor feud with Benoit back in WCW to King Booker late in his WW days, Booker T has never failed to entertain. In the ring or out of the ring, Booker T is just god damned entertaining.
The LAX- The best tag team to come along, anywhere, in a long time. I have always been a huge fan of the “tank and a Portia” tag team and this one is pretty much perfect. I really liked when they had Konan as their mouthpiece because I haven’t heard a lot from them and Konan did a lot for them. I like the Gringo Killer, I like the Border Toss, and while she looked WAY HOTTER as a vampire, Selinas is a great addition to the troop.
Writing: Just so everyone knows, this is WAY different from booking. Booking is just matches, stuff that happens in the match, and the finishes to the matches. Writing is a completely different animal. Vince Russo is a WRITER, and Dusty Rhodes is a BOOKER, and the two shouldn’t really cross paths unless they absolutely have to. The writing in some places is really good. Booker T’s feud with Roode is good. What’s going on with AJ, Tomko, and Team Angle is good and the rip off of Kane and Undertaker in Mesias and Abyss, while TOTALLY RIPPED OFF, is good.
Ok so there are some POSITIVE things about TNA, now onto what needs to be changed in the WWE, IMO.
Brand Split- Either stick to it, or end it. I really wasn’t a fan of the “talent exchange” with ECW, but I was willing to go along with it because they explained it. Now they have Mark Henry and Finlay showing up on Raw and The Highlanders showing up on ECW. What the fuck is that!? What is the point of having separate and distinct brands unless they actually STAY SEPARATE?
ECW- Quit shitting all over it, and it’s title. I mean I know Vince isn’t purposely trying to drive it into the ground because he is a smart business man, and he isn’t going to take any kind of financial hit unless he will gain it back in the long run. Putting Chavo in the Royal Rumble was just the worst move Vince could have made at that time. And get the god damn SMACKDOWN tag team champs off ECW. It makes absolutely no sense whatsoever.
The Titles- Make the titles mean more. The WWE and WHC are the only titles that have credibility anymore, with the US Title in a semi-close 3rd and the ECW Title in a distant 4th. I really fucking hate it when the WWE puts ANYTHING on the show above the feud that the brands champion is in. If we are to believe that Edge’s World Heavyweight Title is what Rey Mysterio, Batista, Undertaker, MVP and all the rest really want, why the fuck is Edge’s match or Rey Mysterio’s match with someone Edge set him up to face in anything BUT THE MAIN EVENT! It boggles the mind.
Tag Teams- They have been getting a lot better as of late with the additions of The Edgeheads, Jesse & Festus, and Deuce & Domino on SD, at least one part of the tag division has sprung up. I do like the spot team of Holly and Rhodes because there is a kind of teacher and student thing going on, but it’s still crap because there is no though put into any stories for these guys, in all reality. And unless there is something thought of for them, the tag team division in the WWE is going to continue to suckify.
Ahh, that felt good to get off my chest.
Redux
Now in keeping with the theme of what the WWE is doing wrong, I am going to do something I haven’t done in a long time. I am going to do some booking for the WWE, so to speak. Ok, so anyone who has seen what I have to say about the Elimination Chambers coming up at No Way Out knows I am not a fan. I mean, for one, you are exhausting your product by having two of them, but if they don’t do any more this year, it should be fine. You can only have steak so many times before you get sick of it ya know? So what I am going to do is rebook BOTH Chambers and the lead up to Wrestlemania. So without further adieu, Kaedon Redux’s The Elimination Chambers.
Week 1
Raw
Raw announces that it will have an Elimination Chamber at No Way Out and leading up to the PPV, there will be a series of matches to determine who will be in it. And tonight’s first match will be HHH vs. Shawn Michaels.
HHH goes to Vince and asks why he is making him and Shawn fight, he says the fans want to see both of them in the Chamber. Vince says he doesn’t care what he or the fans want, he wants to see DX tear themselves apart just for a chance to get a shot at the WWE Title.
HHH vs. HBK ends in a no contest when both men go for 45 minutes and neither man can respond to the refs 10 count after HBK hits Sweet Chin Music.
Smackdown
TRL comes out and says he is not going to be outdone by Raw and that Smackdown will ALSO have an Elimination Chamber match at No Way Out. And also, not to be outdone, he is going to have an even more innovative way to come up with the 6 participants in his Elimination Chamber. TRL says over the next 3 weeks there will be 3 tag team matches. And the winners of those tag team matches will be the men in the Elimination Chamber. And tonight, the first match will be The Brothers of Destruction vs. Mark Henry and Big Daddy V.
The BOD def. The Fat Boyz
Week 2
Raw
Vince announces that since neither HBK or HHH won their match last week, neither ONE of them would be in the Elimination Chamber. They both bring up the fact that neither one of them lost so they deserve another shot. Vince agrees and says if they win their match tonight, they will get into the chamber. Tonight, they will be a handicapped match, against Vince’s bastard son, Hornswaggle.
DX vs. Hornswaggle
Out in the ring Shawn and HHH argue. HHH wants to go though with it but Shawn doesn’t want to. Shawn even tries to stop him from hitting Hornswaggle. Horny then realizes no one is coming to help him so he gets the ref’s attention and punches him in the balls, causing him to get himself DQ’d and putting DX in the Elimination Chamber.
Jeff Hardy def. Carlito
Smackdown
MVP comes out and says he has been given a chance to get into the Elimination Chamber. He also says that he has found himself, a tag team partner from the B- show, ECW, who is going to help him realize his destiny of going to the main event at Wrestlemania. He is the Gold Standard, Shelton Benjamin.
Finlay comes out and says he also has a partner from ECW. He’s a man who loves to fight as much as he does. He is Tommy Dreamer!
MVP and Shelton Benjamin def. Finlay and Tommy Dreamer
Week 3
Raw
Vince says tonight we will determine the final slots in the Elimination Chamber. First Umaga takes on Gene Snitsky, JBL will take on fellow Texan Cody Rhodes, and Chris Jericho will take on Ken Kennedy.
JBL def. Rhodes
Umaga def. Snitsky
Jericho def. Kennedy with interference from Flair
Smackdown
Batista asks Vickie if he can go it alone since he doesn’t need a partner to get into the chamber. Vickie says no and that he needs to have a partner. She says his partner is someone he knows very well, and that he is someone who has something to prove when it comes to Batista. Tonight his partner will be Elijah Burke. And they will be facing The Great Khali and Chuck Palumbo.
Batista and Elijah Burke def. The Great Khali and Chuck Palumbo after Jamie Noble distracts Palumbo and lures him to the back.
Week 4
Raw
Vince says that this week, everyone in the chamber will participate in beat the clock challenges, the winner will be the last in the chamber.
HHH def. William Regal in 7 min. 29sec.
Jeff Hardy doesn’t beat Snitsky in time
Chris Jericho doesn’t beat Carlito in time
JBL pays Santino Marella and Carlito to jump Hardcore Holly before their beat the clock match and JBL def. Hardcore Holly in 1 min. 43 sec.
Umaga doesn’t beat Ric Flair in time
HBK doesn’t beat Mr. Kennedy in time
JBL will be last in the chamber for Raw.
Smackdown
Vickie says she thinks the fans of the WWE don’t want to know who is coming in at what time in the chamber. She thinks they want to be surprised. So she will not be having a beat the clock challenge. She will, however, give the fans a preview of the Elimination Chamber as The Brothers of Destruction and Batista take on MVP, Elijah Burke, and Shelton Benjamin.
The BOD/Batista vs. MVP, Burke, and Benjamin ends in a no contest when everyone comes in and the ref loses control.
No Way Out
Smackdown Chamber
-Shelton Benjamin and Kane are the first ones in
-They last till MVP comes in @ 3
-Kane is almost eliminated 5 times by double teams from MVP and Shelton
-They all last till Burke comes in @ 4
-The heels triple team Kane and eliminate him
-Taker comes in @ 5. Taker comes in and cleans house
-Elijah Burke is eliminated with a chokeslam to the steel off the top rope.
-Batista comes in @ 6
-Shelton Benjamin is eliminated when he dives off the chamber at Batista and is speared -into the steel.
-Taker beats MVP with a tombstone on the steel.
-Batista spears Taker into and out of one of the pods.
-Batista is beaten eventually after a chokeslam, a last ride, and a tombsone.
-Taker wins the Smackdown Elimination Chamber
Raw Chamber
-Umaga and Jericho are the first ones in
-They last until HHH comes in @ 3
-They last until HBK comes in @ 4
-HBK and HHH team up and eliminate Umaga
-Jeff Hardy comes in @ 5
-HHH and HBK team up and eliminate Jericho
-JBL comes in @ 6
-Jeff Hardy nearly kills himself doing a spot and is eliminated by HBK
-HBK holds up JBL and HHH swings with the sledgehammer, misses and hits HBK, KOing him.
-JBL misses the clothesline from hell and gets hit with a pedigree
-HHH eliminates JBL
-HHH shows HBK the sledgehammer and then throws it aside
-DX fight for 10 minutes ending with HHH hitting a pedigree on the steel grate
-HHH wins the Raw Elimination Chamber
-Edge def. Rey Mysterio
-Randy Orton def. John Cena and reinjures him, taking him out indefinitely.
4 weeks till Mania
Raw
Orton comes out and says that there are only a few stops left on the Road to Wrestlemania. And after those few stops, we will be one step closer to fulfilling his destiny to being the greatest sports entertainer the world has ever seen.
HHH comes out and says Orton’s not there yet and after Mania, he is gonna take about 3 steps back after he is beaten.
Orton says he isn’t living in HHH’s shadow anymore, and he is going to usher in a new era of wrestlers. One who isn’t stuck on living off past glory, one who isn’t concerned with anything but winning at any cost, and one who doesn’t use BACKSTAGE RELATIONSHIPS to further their careers.
HHH gets into Orton’s face until Vince interrupts them and says things are getting a little too heated. He thinks since HHH is so fired up, he should get a little action. He says Orton had a hard match last night so he doesn’t have to wrestle but HHH, he is going to have a match against JBL.
Main Event: JBL vs. HHH
Orton RKO’s HHH when the ref has his back turned, JBL wins.
Smackdown
Edge hosts an edition of The Cutting Edge and his guest is The Undertaker. When they are both in the ring, Edge starts talking about Takers record at Wrestlemania and his decade of destruction. He then reminds Taker of their days together in the Ministry and how Edge was always the silent leader in the group. How they should have been called Edge’s Ministry, and to quote another pretty good champion on the B show, Taker is living off his past laurels. Edge says he cant way to get to Wrestlemania and do what no person has been able to do, end Takers winning streak at Wrestlemania. Taker grabs Edge by the throat and his about to chokeslam him when Vickie Guerrero comes on the screen and says if Taker doesn’t put Edge down, he be suspended indefinitely. After Taker does this, she says that if there is any contact between Edge and Taker, not in a match, before Wrestlemania, there will be no World Heavyweight Championship match at Wrestlemania. Edge and Undertaker both look pissed.
Later Edge is talking to Vickie and Edge is yelling at her. She apologizes and says she just didn’t want to see Edge get hurt. Edge says it’s ok and asks her to book him and Taker in a match tonight. She asks if he is sure and then he whispers something to her. She and he both smile.
Taker is in the ring and Edge comes out and says he is going to take on Taker in a 3 on 1 No DQ Handicapped Match.
The Rated R Superstars vs. The Undertaker
Taker and Edge never get into it unless Edge is hitting Taker from behind and at the end of the match, Edge gives Taker a one man con-chair-to and then all 3 of them give him a triple con-chair-to, leaving him bloody and motionless in the ring.
3 weeks till Mania
Raw
HHH comes out and says that what Orton did last week was good. He gives him credit. He then says since Orton has a partner, why doesn’t HHH find a partner and we have ourselves a tag match?
Orton and JBL come out to the stage and says he isn’t going to have anything to do with another boring resurgence of DX.
HHH says he isn’t going to ask Shawn to be has partner.
Orton and JBL agree to the match as long as his partner isn’t HBK.
Orton/JBL vs. HHH and ???
HHH comes out and announces that his partner has long blonde hair, he is one of the best technical high flyers of all time, he is a former World Champion. Orton gets upset and says if HBK comes out they are walking. HHH says not to worry, his partner isn’t HBK, it’s Chris Jericho.
The match ends when HHH pins JBL.
Smackdown
The Undertakers music hits. The lights got out and he comes out with his coat and hat However when the lights come up, we find out that its Edge. Edge says that The Undertaker isn’t going to be here tonight, and may not even make it to Wrestlemania after the beating he and his team mates put on him last week. The lights go out again and Takers music hits. Edge says something about the joke being over but its not a joke as Taker appears on the screen and says Edge might be able to injure his body, but he can not kill his spirit, his legacy, and his family. When the lights come back on, Kane is behind him and gives him a chokeslam.
Edge asks Vickie for a match against Kane. She looks at him, smiles and says she knows exactly what he wants.
Kane vs. The Edgeheads in a no DQ 3-1 Handicapped Match
Before the match can get started, Rey Mysterio’s music hits and he comes down and stands in Kane’s corner.
The match ends when Rey 619’s Hawkins into Kane’s chokeslam and Edge abandons his troops.
2 weeks till Mania
Raw
Orton/HHH Press conference
We have a press conference set in the ring. Orton on one side, HHH on the other, Regal in the middle. Basically, everyone from the back comes out and “shoots” on Orton or HHH and how they feel the match will go including all of the Raw feuds at Mania leading to a huge brawl in the ring.
Smackdown
With Taker not scheduled to be there in any way, Edge calls out Taker. Michael Cole says that Edge knows Taker wasn’t able to show up. Just then the lights go out and we get a gong. Taker appears in the ring but Edge gets cocky and says Taker cant touch him because they aren’t in a match. Taker then points to the entrance. When Edge looks, Kane’s music hits. Kane goes to his brother and says not to worry, he will take care of it.
Kane vs. Edge
Taker stands stoic at ringside as they have their match, Edge even gets in Undertakers face, trying to get Taker to strike him. The Edgeheads try to come out and help Edge but Taker holds them off. While the ref tries to break that up, Kane takes a steel chair to the head and a spear and loses.
1 week till Mania
Raw
Vince announces a huge show with all of the participants in the Wrestlemania main events are in the house tonight. He also says the ban on contact between Edge and Taker is lifted as of tonight.
Taker vs. Randy Orton
Edge screws Taker by distracting him allowing Orton to hit the RKO. HHH comes out as Rated RKO start double teaming and we get
Edge vs. HHH
Taker and Orton both stay at ringside and it ends in Edge getting himself DQd by bringing a chair into the ring to use it on HHH. Taker and HHH stand in the ring as Rated RKO leave.
Smackdown
HHH and Randy Orton vs. Edge and Undertaker
Edge and Undertaker win when Orton RKO’s HHH and walks off
Wrestlemania
Edge def. Undertaker
HHH def. Randy Orton
PHEW. Wow that was a lot. Booking is not as easy as people think it is. And what I did was nowhere near perfect but I think it was better than what the WWE have add to that fact that I was pretty much not taking any other feuds into consideration which you just cant do in the real world. If there is a scenario you’d like me to book or rebook, let me know and I’ll do it here in the No Smark Zone. Well that’s it for this week, hopefully next week we will get some Fact or Fiction in, if a certain primate gets his bananas together. See ya next time!
