How's my promos?

[dstebbins]

I want to be a wrestling manager. However, indy managers don't make much, so I'll have to get a "real job" to cover my living expenses until I get noticed and offered a job by one of the biggies. I'm going to give you an example of the kind of promos I plan to cut, and I would like you to tell me how fast, relative to the average talent, I'll get noticed by one of the major shows. Now, you won't be able to hear the tone in which I cut the promo, so you'll just have to use your imagination for that, and any answers you give me will be based on a "with the right tone" basis.

Now, imagine my client and I have just beaten a face senseless and bloody in the middle of the ring after successfully defending a title, but we aren't satisfied with a mere win. At this point, my client has the face's bloody head in an Abyss-like grip (where the head is tilted at an angle) and I'm within an inch of his face military-style. I have the belt in one hand and a mic in the other. And I shout...

"Listen up, [face], you will never... EVER... have this again!... [Client] will be [title] Champion forever! WE ARE PERFECT! WE ARE RIGHTEOUS! WE ARE SINLESS! WE ARE HOLY! YOU... ARE... SHIT, JUST... LIKE EACH... AND EVERY... ONE... OF THESE IDIOTIC FANS! YOU ARE CRAP! [Client] IS GOD! YOU WILL NEVER... I'M TALKING, SHUT THE HELL UP... YOU WILL NEVER HAVE THIS BELT AGAIN! BITCH!"

I then proceed to pummel his forehead with more right hands while my client holds him in place.

So, after using your imagination to get optimal tone, how would you estimate I would do to attract any talent-scouters in the audience?

 

[comicgeekelly]

Okay, heres some things that I just want to say:
1. If there are kids in the audience I recommend that you don't call the face "shit"
2. I also rocommend that you stay away from calling people "god". A lot of people can take offence to that and it might scare away talent scouts.
3. Saying "bitch" at the end of the promo was unneeded, just end it with "you will never hold this belt again.

Other than that it's good.

 

[dstebbins]

Well, isn't offending people the whole idea behind cutting a heel promo?

 

[MikeRaw]

Yes, it is the idea of a promo, but that seems to weird... Adding unndeed swearing just seems kind of childish and stupid... It just doesnt fit, Id leave out bitch IMO...

 

[Switchy]

Average imo.

1) You should just do the talking, client should do the beating
2) I know managers are supposed to promote their clients but that sounded like you worshipped him and that he was the greatest thing on earth, at least refer to you and him as great, not just him.
3) And you also need something similar to it "It Pays to be roode", that would go better than "bitch".

Have you tryed a face promo, you may be better at them (just a suggestion).

 

[comicgeekelly]

Also instead of pummeling the face at the end a simple slap in the face might be better. It shows that you really don't care about you enemy enough to waste your energy on him.

 

[dstebbins]

Average imo.

1) You should just do the talking, client should do the beating
2) I know managers are supposed to promote their clients but that sounded like you worshipped him and that he was the greatest thing on earth, at least refer to you and him as great, not just him.
3) And you also need something similar to it "It Pays to be roode", that would go better than "bitch".

Have you tryed a face promo, you may be better at them (just a suggestion).

1. Well, aren't I at least supposed to interfere in his matches? And possibly direct traffic during the post-match beating?
2. So if I were to say "you are crap, we are gods," that would be better?
3. Well, a catch phrase like that depends on who I'm managing. It has to fit their gimmick, so I can't plan ahead like I can generic promos.
4. Face managers are never successful. Face valets can work, but not face managers, and I think only women can be good valets, so I'm not even going to worry about that. Turning face would only hurt my career.

 

[dstebbins]

Also instead of pummeling the face at the end a simple slap in the face might be better. It shows that you really don't care about you enemy enough to waste your energy on him.

A slap sounds like something a woman would do. What if I were to spit on him? I don't have any diseases or anything like that. Would that get me heat?

 

[McLovin]

^Who are you Bobby Heenan?

If you were serious and go out and buy the World's Greatest Managers DVD and don't double post either.

 

[comicgeekelly]

A slap sounds like something a woman would do. What if I were to spit on him? I don't have any diseases or anything like that. Would that get me heat?

That could work, or if you would carry a cane with you, beat the face with the cane.

 

[1chiban]

^Who are you Bobby Heenan?

If you were serious and go out and buy the World's Greatest Managers DVD and don't double post either.

TBH studying the greats such as heenan, paul e dangerously etc. etc. will help you no end.

 

[dstebbins]

How's this for an in-match heel tactic (I haven't seen anyone do this yet, so as far as I know, it's 100% original)?

Imagine if my client is in a No. 1 contenders match. About five minutes into the match, I get in the ring and clothesline my CLIENT, and the referee has no choice but to disqualify the other guy because I've technically interfered on his behalf (in a regular sport, the ref could always call me on my shenanigans, but wrestling is different), giving the match and, ultimately, the title shot, to my client.

Would that get me any heat?

 

[comicgeekelly]

It'd get you a lot of heat especially if the match is a main event. It's not a half-bad idea.

 

[dstebbins]

Can I get a second opinion just to make sure comicgeekelly's comment is the rule and not the exception?

 

[chessarmy]

Its good except the cursing. It just isn't realistic and I'm sure the promotion wouldn't like that, unless you end up in CZW or something lol. Anyway, just leave out Bitch and Shit and you'll be good.