I have a friend who, I swear, has to consult her horoscope before almost ANYTHING.She wont even asnwer the phone if the horoscope says " Beware of hearing bad news today." So, I found some funny horoscopes to make fun of her, and thought Id share with you guys too. So have fun looking yourself up, and I hope they arent accurate for you..lol.
Aquarius Jan 21-Feb 19 -- You have an inventive mind and are inclined to be progressive. You lie a great deal.You make the same mistakes repeatedly, because you are stupid. Everyone thinks you are a fucking jerk.
Pisces Feb 20-Mar 19-- You have a vivid imagination and often think you are being followed by the FBI or CIA. You have a minor influence on your friends amd people resent you for flaunting what you mistake as power. You lack confidence, and are a general dipshit.
Aries Mar 20-April 18-- You are a pioneer type and think most people are dickheads. You are quick to reprimand, impatient, and scornful of advice. You do nothing but piss off everyone you come in contact with . You are a prick.
Taurus April 19-May 19-- You are practical and persistent. You have a dogged determination and stick-to-it-iveness because you never do anything right the first time. Most people think you are stubborn and bullheaded. You are nothing but a fucking asshole.
Gemini May 20-June 20-- You are a quick and intelligent thinker. People like you because you are bisexual. You are inclined to expect to much for too little. This means you are a cheap bastard. Geminis are notorious for thriving on incest.
Cancer June 21-July 21-- You are sympathetic and understanding to other peoples problems, which makes you a sucker. You always keep putting things off. This is why you will always be on welfare and wont be worth a shit. Everybody in prison is a Cancer.
Leo July 22-Aug 22-- You consider yourself a born leader. Everyone thinks youre an idiot. Most Leos are bullies. You are vain and cannot tolerate honest criticism. Your arrogance is disgusting. Leos are theiving motherfuckers and enjoy masturbating more than sex.
Libra Sep 21-Oct 22-- You are the artistic type and have a difficult time with reality. If you are a male, you are probably queer. Chances for employment and monetary gain are nil. Most Libra women are whores. All Libras die of venereal disease.
Scorpio Oct 23-Nov 21-- The worst of them all !!!! You are shrewd in business and cannot be trusted. You shall achieve the pinnacle of success becauseof your total lack of ethics. You are a perfect son of a bitch which is why most Scorpios are murdered.
Sagittarius Nov 22-Dec 20-- You are optimistic and enthusiastic. You have a reckless tendency to rely on luck, because you have no talent. The majorityof Sagittarius's are drunks. Nixon was a Sagittarius. You are indeed a worthless peice of shit.
Capricorn Dec 21-Jan 20-- You are conservative and afraid of taking risks. You are basically a chicken shit. There has never been a Capricorn of any importance. You should kill yourself.
Aquarius Jan 21-Feb 19 -- You have an inventive mind and are inclined to be progressive. You lie a great deal.You make the same mistakes repeatedly, because you are stupid. Everyone thinks you are a fucking jerk.
Pisces Feb 20-Mar 19-- You have a vivid imagination and often think you are being followed by the FBI or CIA. You have a minor influence on your friends amd people resent you for flaunting what you mistake as power. You lack confidence, and are a general dipshit.
Aries Mar 20-April 18-- You are a pioneer type and think most people are dickheads. You are quick to reprimand, impatient, and scornful of advice. You do nothing but piss off everyone you come in contact with . You are a prick.
Taurus April 19-May 19-- You are practical and persistent. You have a dogged determination and stick-to-it-iveness because you never do anything right the first time. Most people think you are stubborn and bullheaded. You are nothing but a fucking asshole.
Gemini May 20-June 20-- You are a quick and intelligent thinker. People like you because you are bisexual. You are inclined to expect to much for too little. This means you are a cheap bastard. Geminis are notorious for thriving on incest.
Cancer June 21-July 21-- You are sympathetic and understanding to other peoples problems, which makes you a sucker. You always keep putting things off. This is why you will always be on welfare and wont be worth a shit. Everybody in prison is a Cancer.
Leo July 22-Aug 22-- You consider yourself a born leader. Everyone thinks youre an idiot. Most Leos are bullies. You are vain and cannot tolerate honest criticism. Your arrogance is disgusting. Leos are theiving motherfuckers and enjoy masturbating more than sex.
Libra Sep 21-Oct 22-- You are the artistic type and have a difficult time with reality. If you are a male, you are probably queer. Chances for employment and monetary gain are nil. Most Libra women are whores. All Libras die of venereal disease.
Scorpio Oct 23-Nov 21-- The worst of them all !!!! You are shrewd in business and cannot be trusted. You shall achieve the pinnacle of success becauseof your total lack of ethics. You are a perfect son of a bitch which is why most Scorpios are murdered.
Sagittarius Nov 22-Dec 20-- You are optimistic and enthusiastic. You have a reckless tendency to rely on luck, because you have no talent. The majorityof Sagittarius's are drunks. Nixon was a Sagittarius. You are indeed a worthless peice of shit.
Capricorn Dec 21-Jan 20-- You are conservative and afraid of taking risks. You are basically a chicken shit. There has never been a Capricorn of any importance. You should kill yourself.
