D'Z's modest 3/14 Impact Review

[Dolph'sZiggler]

You know the drill.

Nice recap vid. Not quite on WWE recap vid levels, but still, this is an area TNA has improved a ton in. Also, not telling anyone anything they don't know already, but Jesus H Christ Bully was on point at the end of Lockdown. Not just the "Brooke.. I SCREEEEWWWED you" line, either. Everything he did in that moment was amazing.

Ugh. Taz. Not sure if turning heel helped him or hurt him tbf. I would rather listen to Stephen Hawking do color commentary.

Such a great place to start on the road, Chicago. I was hoping this would be the stat of them sticking to mostly smark cities, but then I saw the next two shows are in Arkansas & Mississippi... TNA hasn't exactly done well when holding live events in the South.. hope those crowds are ready to shake that stereotype. At least we get Slammiversary in Boston



__________

Opening Segment

They tease a tag titles match, but it's nothing more than a way to get the Aces & Eights out. I thought this was a smart idea honestly.. Rather than just start with the Aces & Eights music and them coming out, act like you had something nice in store for the fans and these despicable bad guys came out and ruined it just because they run shit. Plus let's be real, who didn't like seeing Los Please Go Awayos get the snot kicked out of them?

I think it was just the time I took away from Impact, but compared to the rest of you I am a damn mark for Aces & Eights. I understand if you watched every week it is probably pretty played out at this point, but for me I love it. Also most of you hate on the members, but I think it is perfect. Hate on Devon all you want, I'll just laugh every time I see him because I think it's awesome. Wes & Baby B? Yea we all knew it would happen, doesn't mean it isn't help set up two new guys in a good position moving forward. (Hate on Bischoff all you want, I knew this guy would be a money heel. Even if it's for the wrong reasons I can't help but enjoy watching him. He is like a slightly different version of Maddox.. I like them for the same reason I marked for Johnny Ace.) D'Lo, come on, he might be the GOAT @ Facial expressions. If you don't laugh when you see him making a goofy face then ity2:

And Bully freekin Ray. How can you argue against Bully freekin Ray?

People say everything has been too predictable, but I would argue that predictability in this storyline was actually a good thing. It meant TNA was on the same wavelength with the fans, and isn't that something we wish we could get out of WWE?


Devon gets GOBS of heat. He cut a nice promo, can't argue with that. Here comes Calvezilla. Having Aces & Eights enter from a different side of the arena is a subtle touch that I like. It's the little things that add up in wrestling.

Can't argue that Bully looks like a million bucks with that sexy strap hanging over his shoulder. So mark it down, Taz said at least one thing on Impact that wasn't dog shit.

Side note on Taz: I know he sucks and we all hate on him all the time.. but his role as the 'bully' of the commentary table is just awful and makes the already mutable commentary downright diabolical.

Bully embracing Taz is actually cool to see. They were together in ECW for a long time and you know that was actually a genuine moment of Taz being like "Damn dude this is finally it, you're the man. Here we are in fucking Chicago doing Live Impact. Do this shit"

I had never really listened to Aces & Eights theme for any extended period of time, but I gotta say, it's really not too offensive :

Bully delivers his promo as well as anyone in the business today could have. The content is meh, nothing special, but listening to Bully saying it has you hanging on every word.

"I'M the guy---who made a FOOL---out of-HULLLK. HOOOOGAANN."


Jeez this crowd is energized.

__________

cut to Sting backstage

Errr.. was he Brad Maddoxing that promo or what? That was fucking terrible :dawg:

That must have been intentionally bad. Sting is too quality for that to have been a genuine attempt at an angry promo

__________

Obligatory shoutout to Chrissy's Hemmes. Oh my.

__________

KO's tag team match??

Spoiler

__________

Moving on... wow that really lasted 10 minutes.

Aces & Eights recap. How WWE-esque.

Bully Ray drunk dialing Brooke :dawg: :dawg: holy shit. Classic. I'm dying laughing at that shit.

__________

At the risk of sounding like a perv, I'm giving @Christy'sHemmes a second shout out. Way to go, you deserve it for that top.

__________

Robbie E

Look's like he is going to cut a bromo. I'm setting the over/under on "bros" @5.5. And taking the over.

Let's count these bros.

BRO
BRO
BRO

only 3 bros. Damn

Aw dammit, they are having a match...

Feed me more chants :haha: now this was worth watching. Thank you Chicago

and just like that, Sting's promo is no longer the most cringe worthy thing happening on Impact this week.... thank you for that Bigger Rob

__________

I'm not one to go out of my way to hate on H Double Jack brother dude, but he fucking sucks at acting.

breaking news, I know.

"There is no we any more Sting... You stared into my soul and said to trust me"

wow Hulk, this sounds really gay.

lol, Sting looks genuinely hurt. You could have laid him down softly, Hulkster.

"You make me sick"

Spoiler

__________

Lmfao, this Styles video package is win as fuck. Walks in. Sees Camera. Fuck this, jumping on my bat bike, I'm out :

Styles return



__________

Roode/Aries seem to be in the same mold as Kaz/Daniels, which is perfect. "We were going to defend the titles against the Mexicans"
lmfao

Roode dipped like a fucking champ 1:

__________

Styles still has "ready to fly" as his theme :damnn: . I was hoping for something fresh

:dawg: these motherfuckrs are dressed like LOD :dawg: oh shit that's hilarious

ooooooooooooooooo. Watta tush. Daniels is the best lmao

TNA baited and switched the shit out of me this segment and I ain't even mad. We better get Styles later though.

Storm is a fucking beast lol. This is how faces should cut promos.

Storm vs Daniels is always a welcome matchup :

Storms goes over ofc, and gets his ass kicked after.

I wasn't really expecting Styles to deck Storm, but it didn't feel that impactful that he did. Idk, we'll see where they take it.

__________

Joseph Park, fuck yea. Business is about to pick up.

over as fuck.

oh shit. It's Vince Ru--- Matt Morgan.

NOOOOOOOO

DON'T DO IT BRO

JUST RUN AWAY JP. DON'T FUCK WITH HIM. SRSLY.

wait hold the phone. Did he just say "leave this dumb city Chicago and never come back". Damn, heavy diss.

Now he's done it. JP snapped. Hulking up.

Morgan vs Park next week?? Idk what to think about that shit really. I don't want to see Morgan messing with someone so low on the card, and don't really want JP buried by Morgan either.

__________

Aries vs Sting

Jesus Sting is over. When you see huge crowds like this react to him like that you can understand why TNA keeps dusting his old ass off to return to the ring, even if we bitch about it as bitchy smarks.

Aries is the BITW. Don't try to dispute it. He could carry Frank the Jock to an entertaining match.

Also Roode is officially my new favorite seller. It seems blasphemous to say that though. Wrestling needs more flair flops

wow this is actually a really good tv match. I marked when Aries stinger splashed him.. thought he was hitting the brainbuster, then marked again when he kicked out of the SDD.

Stinger splash :neymar2: .

come on Aries don't lose to this old man. wow. fuck that. Sting had Aries beat and we get interference :

goddammit

Out limps Hulkamania...

for such a great show it is limping to the finish. QUite literally with gimp Hogan coming out as I type.

Jesus. hogan is just babbling and throwing in random sayings.."every dog has his day brother" "live by the sword die by the sword jack"


Aces & Eights might have gained some street cred in that brawl.... jeez. @Crayo (I know @tags are broken) do you still think they don't pose a thread to the company?

Solid show. Some good wrestling, lots of good segments, storyline progression... -2 for commentary and you get about a 6.5/10

+ rep for anyone who reads all of that shit

 

[CM Punk]

Needs more gif's. :dawg:

Nice review, had the same reaction when Hogan said, "You make me Sick!"

 

[seabs]

6.5 ? That's really low IMO, also you said thread rather than threat in the lower part about the Aces. Disagree on the AJ thing too, I thought it would happen but it told a really good start to his story arc.

 

[Dolph'sZiggler]

Nah it's really an 8.5 I just can't stress enough how terrible the commentary is. The crowd was good enough throughout to counterbalance the commentary for this week at least

edit: and I meant pose a thread. Not threat. I don't typo

 

[CM Punk]

6.5 ? That's really low IMO, also you said thread rather than threat in the lower part about the Aces. Disagree on the AJ thing too, I thought it would happen but it told a really good start to his story arc.

-2 for commentary.

 

[seabs]

-2 for commentary.

: they are terribad.

 

[Dolph'sZiggler]

nice avatar :dawg:

 

[seabs]

:smug:

 

[Testify]

TL DR ipebomb:

 

[Dolph'sZiggler]

TL DR ipebomb:

 

[Senhor Perfect]

:mog: I've stared at that gif for 5 minutes.

 

[Testify]

 

[seabs]

Austin Aries vs Austin Aries :gusta:

 

[Dolph'sZiggler]

I almost died laughing at that shit :laugh:

fucking Robbie E :

 

[Crayo]

Really dug this review because of the Diaz smilies. One of your better recent ones.