Greetings jabronis,
Forgive my recent absence, I have been busy moving house. I could further elaborate but it would be boring, so I won’t. Just rest assured that I am now living in a wonderful place right next door to the Smackdown Hotel, on the corner of Know Your Role Boulevard and Jabroni Drive. I bet you weren’t aware that all of those geographical locations were actually genuine, were you? Well, they are.
So the second ever Money in the Bank PPV is upon us and it all looks mighty exciting indeed. The 8 man ladder matches are always bonafide spot-fests, and there’s nothing wrong in enjoying a bout of “stunt” wrestling every now and then. The hype, however, doesn’t belong to the PPV gimmick, but rather the CM Punk v Super Cena bout. Oh yes. More on that at the end.
Here lie-eth my predictions…
Mark Henry v The Big Show
Mark Henry finds himself on the receiving end of the 53rd push in his WWE career. And this one is bound to work, right? RIGHT?
Nope. I don’t see it. I do see Henry picking up the victory here though, and then he’ll soon find himself as the number one contender and headline a couple of PPVs further down the line that will inevitably bomb, and he’ll be back regularly performing on Superstars before the end of the year. Push number 54 will commence in early 2012.
Pick: Mark Henry
Smackdown Money in the bank
I expect this to be the slight better of the two MITB matches. There’s more young blood involved, and the plethora of midcarders will be looking to steal the spotlight with inspired outings. Will the winner cash in on the night? If anyone does, I think the Smackdown winner is more likely to do so than the RAW winner… But as Kane already did the deed last year, I don’t see WWE wanting to make a habit out of it.
WWE has certainly not been subtle in building up Sheamus as the favourite here – to the point that it would almost be too obvious if he were to win. But as history proves, WWE doesn’t have a problem in doing what’s obvious, so I certainly wouldn’t write him off.
The only competitors I would confidently write off are Heath Slater and Kane – but I would consider all the others involved to be legitimate dark horses. Any one of them could step up to the next level.
Smackdown is so short on main event talent that I’d hope Vince will be looking to elevate a new performer rather than give the briefcase to someone like Sheamus who’s already a 2 time champion. So for that reason, I foresee the winner as being a somewhat of a surprise. I’d like it to be Daniel Bryan, as he’s an incredible wrestler and the brand needs top babyfaces more so than heels, but my gut is more inclined to go with Cody Rhodes. His character has evolved brilliantly and he portrays the tortured soul with such gusto that he’s an absolute joy to watch. And nepotism often has its perks in this business.
It’s very much a shot in the dark, and it’s not a pick I’m insanely confident about, but if Smackdown is looking to create a new top level superstar, I believe Cody is their man.
Pick: Cody Rhodes
RAW Money in the bank
Does anyone else even stand a chance? Surely it is Alberto Del Rio’s destiny to claim the briefcase. Although he’s still a relative newcomer to the company, it already feels like he’s had to wait far too long for his first run as champ.
If you twisted my arm and begged me for a second guess, I’d probably go for The Miz. He’s lost a lot of stock after dropping the strap and staring at the light for Alex Riley in consecutive matches, so WWE may seek to resurrect his falling star power before he’s perceived as a midcarder once again. It would also provide the chance for The Miz to continue with the “I told you so – you all wrote me off” type speeches that he always enjoys. Bless him.
But, it truth be told, I genuinely can’t see any other outcome than Del Rio winning. And I’m sure that’s the same for the vast majority of the wrestling community.
There’s always the possibility that the RAW winner may cash in their briefcase against the Smackdown champion. That would certainly be a step towards solving the problem of the shallow pool of main event talent on the blue brand. So could Del Rio challenge Orton (or Christian) if he wins? We shall see.
Pick: Alberto Del Rio
Kelly Kelly v One of The Bellas
Did The Bellas really pick on Kelly Kelly for being too thin on RAW this week? How on earth does that make sense?! That would be like Mark Henry calling Husky Harris a fatso.
It seemed that Kharma’s arrival was injecting some degree of credibility back into the women’s joke of a division. But then Kharma left to have a baby. Now it’s just as petrifyingly bad as it was before.
As I often find, I can’t even bring myself to pretend to care who proves victorious – because whoever wins, the audience loses.
Pick: Whoever is skinniest presumably
Christian v Randy Orton
It seems odd that WWE has teased the triple threat angle (with Sheamus) for the last few weeks, only to stick with a one-on-one formula. But Christian v Randy Orton have given us the best feud of the year so far and produced some of the finest matches along the way, so I’m not grumbling. I promise
If Orton goes over again here, I feel it will have detrimental damage to Christian’s career as a main event performer. If he can’t beat Orton even when the odds are stacked in his favour (Christian will be awarded the title if the ref makes a bad call) then how are the audience supposed to perceive him as a genuine threat to the title from here on out? Simple answer – they won’t,
As I’ve highlighted previously – if Christian were to become champ, there are no obvious feuds on the Smackdown brand for him. If Orton retains however, it seems Henry is being groomed for a main event run, and feuds with Sheamus, Cody Rhodes or even Wade Barrett could all be in the pipeline. Thus, as much as it saddens me, I feel no choice but to side with Orton again. And Lord, does it ever make me feel dirty. I’m finding Orton’s character so bland and unappealing at the moment – and I’m sure I’m not the only one.
On a side note, in the unlikely occurrence that Christian does prove the victor, I predict that the Smackdown MITB winner cashes in right away (or maybe on the next installment of Smackdown) and takes the strap from him immediately. The storyline would see Christian being even further enraged after suffering the indignity of another ridiculously short title run. Another pie in the face for all us Christian fans – Vince would love it!
Pick: Randy Orton
CM Punk v John Cena
Is it the most anticipated match-up of the year? Pffffft – I’d say it’s the most anticipated match up since HBK v Kurt Angle. WWE, and more specifically CM Punk, have done an absolutely stellar job in creating a truly unique angle that has captured the attention of fans and the media alike. I just hope they don’t drop the ball with this one. I really, really hope.
I see no point whatsoever in John Cena winning on the night. WWE needs to capitalise on the excitement the angle has generated. If CM Punk loses and leaves, the next night on RAW will feel as if someone has hit the reset button, and we’re back to watching Super Cena dominate all, week in, week out.
But if CM Punk were to win – think of the immediate ratings boost it would give WWE. The next RAW would see millions tune in to see if Punk really has left the company with the belt. And I, for one, think that he could (in storyline of course). How awesome would it be to see Punk show up at Ring of Honour or New Japan events with the WWE title over the next few weeks? He could mock McMahon and the WWE from afar, bringing old school “wrestling fans” who have switched off from the WWE product back into the picture, as well as continuing to garner interest from the mainstream media. It could be an absolutely incredible angle if WWE has the ability – and balls – to do it.
I’ve perhaps stalled too far in to daydream territory there, but I hope and pray that WWE realises just how great they could make this angle. Screw Harry Potter – this has the potential to be the story making all the headlines at the moment. Vince, please don’t mess it up.
Pick: CM Punk
Those are my picks, ladies and jellyspoons – please add your own below. I love it when you do.
Just a quick note to all you UK readers, the Money in the Bank PPV is free to view for all Sky Sports subscribers this Sunday. How wonderfully fortunate we are. This evening, I shall give a hobo a shiny new penny in celebration of the PPV fee I’ve saved. Maybe.
Over and out.