Scene opens in one of those patented STARRDOM NATION press conferences in an old theatre somewhere in New York. The reporters come from all over to bow at the feet of Stevie Starr. I’m kind of sickened by this pandering to his every whim. I mean, every time he has a press conference, all the little lackeys run to him. But I’m here aren’t I? Blame my bosses at ACW. My name is Randolph Jordon Mackelroy and I am an interim student intern interviewer and all around gopher.
Bad enough I had to fight over the transfer of my credits from Grand Canyon University in Phoenix, Arizona. I was SO close to nailing my Bachelor of Arts in Communication too. My parents were livid. They just didn’t understand. I LOVE wrestling. When PWA closed up and left town, I felt SO empty. This was an inevitable move for me. Most of the PWA originals are here and the ACW mainstays are awesome. I can get my degree here from Manhattan college in a years time. And, by that time, ACW will be worldwide just like PWA and my career as a Broadcast Journalist will be well underway! All the wrestling rags will be begging my input; my knowledge of the sport.
But, I digress.
Back to the crowd. Leeches. They’re all here to get cheap news. I’m here to get the story of a lifetime. Starrdom may be ruthless and uncaring….maybe that’s why I like them. But they’re also talented in the ring and on the microphone. But the Lunatic World Order are equally capable. Dangerous and unpredictable. God, I love this business.
A man in a suit makes his way to the podium that has the logo for ACW’s latest Pay Per View, STRIKING DISTANCE.
Man at the podium: Thank you for attending this press conference here, at the IRVING PLAZA, the setting for this month’s Pay Per View, STRIKING DISTANCE, where on July 13th, FRIDAY the Thirteenth, my clients, STARRDOM NATION, will face the Lunatic World Order for what may turn out to be a number one contenders match and Stevie Starr will definitely gain his shot at the ACW International title! Although, we have not been guaranteed anything. All three members of Starrdom Nation are in attendance and will be glad to take questions shortly.
The stuffy lawyer looking guy looks to the side.
Man at the podium: To get things started, I’d like to introduce you to the men who be competing in a Tornado Tag Match at the PPV; ROBBIE STARR and RAY PRICE; STARRDOM NATION!!
[video=youtube;5CQKG8YX8JM]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5CQKG8YX8JM[/video]
The music plays as Robbie and Ray step up to the podium to a huge pop. ‘pop’, I’m so eaten up with wrestling. These two strike an impressive pose. They command the moment and the paparazzi are going nuts. Flashes from the cameras are blinding. I simply raise my phone and get the pic. What is this? The stone age?
Robbie throws his hands up and yells into the microphone over the music: YEAH!! STARRDOM NATION IS BACK BABY!!
Ray rolls his eyes and the man in the suit shakes his head. But I appreciate Robbie for who he is. HE wears his emotions out on his sleeves. He’s truly excited to be here. No superficiality here. Ray’s another thing altogether. He’s solid and cool about everything; like all this attention doesn’t mean a thing to him. I think he’s still steaming over the last match. But, isn’t he always.
The man in the suit at the podium tries to direct the crowd: Do we have any questions for the tag team?
[video=youtube;jNGbXIiP1q0]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jNGbXIiP1q0[/video]
Before the questions start, the music hits and everybody in the Plaza begins to chatter in eager anticipation of the arrival of the biggest ego in ….well….the world. Stevie Starr appears out of nowhere with that smile that makes even an avowed heterosexual like me wonder. God, he just took over the room. I usually hate people like him, but he does it with such ease. The reports have started yelling out questions like a bunch of over active school girls at a Beiber concert.
Stevie takes over the stage completely and takes the microphone. Robbie seems the only unhappy guy in the room. Jealous MUCH?
Stevie Starr: Thank you all for coming, but, come on, where else is there to be really? I mean, THIS is where it will all come down. THE IRVING PLAZA, where, after both our victories, we will be in negotiations to rename this dump into something more fitting; STARRDOM PLAZA!
The officials from the Plaza begin to look at each other as the crowd buzzes.
Stevie Starr: But the Plaza will need a facelift before my name graces it, much like the Selma Hayak did before I’d grace her!
There was quite a buzz after that; people writing the name that was dropped. Sheep.
Stevie Starr: But anyway, how about we skip the questions seeing how most of them are so stupid it sounds like a kindergarten class made them up. And everybody knows I’m gonna beat Banks and Asterisk and what’s his name?
Did he actually do that again? Ya know, some people think he does that to insult the competition. I’m sure that he just doesn’t remember the name.
Stevie Starr: Oh, who cares? Let’s get to the wine and cheese and (he points to a young blonde in the crowd) and getting to know YOU!
[video=youtube;cmcdBnj4ZOg]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cmcdBnj4ZOg[/video]
Suddenly, the Sesame Street them plays and the crowd of grownups start looking around like it’s Christmas!
Robbie suddenly smiles and speaks where everybody can hear him.
Robbie Starr: I knew it! You knew I was feeling bad after that loss and you paid my favorite TV stars to show up!
Stevie laughs: Not a chance!
From the back, Elmo and Cookie Monster dance up to the podium area. Robbie begins to dance with them. Stevie tries to tell him to stop and Ray just shakes his head. Suddenly, Big Bird shows up with a cake with a candle on it.
Robbie Starr: Hey, it’s not my birthday! But you did forget it.
Stevie just laughs.
Big Bird walks up to Robbie with the cake and begins to sing:
Sunny Day
Sweepin' the clouds away
On my way to where the air is sweet
Can you tell me how to get,
How to get to Sesame Street!
Robbie looks puzzled: That’s not Big Bird’s voice!
The fake Big Bird: No shit Sherlock?
Big Bird hits Robbie with the cake and Cookie Monster and Elmo jump Stevie and Ray!
NO WAY! I’m getting this on video!
Big Bird kicks Robbie in the privates with his big yellow foot and tosses him through the podium! Big Bird rips off his mask to reveal WISECRACK the cracked leader of the LWO! That must mean ELMO AND COOKIE MONSTER are El Loko and Maddog! Genius and damned hilarious! It didn’t take long for Starrdom Nation to get their licks in, but the day was ruined and Stevie was hot! This ought to be a great match!
