A Little Something I wrote

[Gards Jr.]

Sorry if this does not belong here but I need some advice on the styart of this story for a competition

Cody thrashed around as He was plunged into darkness. All he could see was the darkest shade of black. Slowly a light came through the tunnel; Cody hoping it was not a train slowly turned himself over before falling straight down and hitting the ground hard. He slowly felt the soft green grass as he came to his senses and jumped up to his feet ready for what was going to happen. Unhurried, he lowered his arms but was prepared for the worst. He quickly went into thought about where he was. I(t was a slight green patch of grass surrounded by beach and sand. He was worried, this was not earth he thought, was he in another dimension or something. What was he going to do now? He stepped off the patch of grass only too see it disappear into thin air behind him, the water from the ocean splashing against the sand making noises for all to hear. Cody ran along the beach scared of what may happen, he hit a dirt patch which made him stumble. And roll on the ground, unhurt he returned too his feet and brushed the dirt off of himself. He started walking again along the ground seeing various ruins soaring high into the air murmuring to himself. Out of nowhere, a large warrior clad in silver armour cut him off putting the silver sword up to the neck of Cody the glare shining into his eyes causing him to stumble back. The warrior sheathed his sword as he walked forward and grabbed the shirt of Cody and lifted him into the air in front of him.

“What the hell are you doing in this part of the forest? People like you, you filthy Arine.â€￾ The warrior yelled into his face before throwing him down to the ground as Cody scrambled losing his footing a couple of times before fully getting to his feet, worried about what was happening, he looked nervous and spoke with a slight quiver in his voice.



Limit is 1500 words and I dont know how I am going to keep it that short.

I really need some advice on this...

 

[gamebreaker]

Well it was a pretty good story so far with the beach coming out of nowhere and the Warrior guy just appears there lol...
Maybe you could add something like the boy making friends with the Warrior and he guides him through the forest and teaches him a whole bunch of stuff about it. The boy could probably live there for a long time and falls in love with the place, then he wakes up and realizes it was a dream...

 

[seX-Power]

this was a good story so far, and you are a good writer... if you want to keep it short describe the scenery and charachters in the first couple of paragraphs and just focus on the plot for the rest. you really only remember the beginnings and ends of stories and this is a good beginning...

 

[THE Brian Kendrick's Biceps]

It's decent Gards, but I always notice faults in your grammar. You do this in BTB too. Never capatalise the 'H' for 'he', unless at the start of the sentence. 'He' is not a proper noun.

 

[Gards Jr.]

well when I write more I will post it and my teacher and I revised it so the grammar and wording is better. It is on my school PC and name so I cant get it this weekend as well but I will keep you guys update.

 

[luttenwe]

That's good.

 

[Beer]

Nice Guards. Pretty good story. However, please, do not say that it was all a dream. It has been used so many times. I like how everything was unexpected and i think you should continues to do that. Maybe have him fighting to get out of the place. Maybe like he is in a Coma and he is trying to fight out of the it. That would be sweet.

 

[Gards Jr.]

Cody thrashed around as He was plunged into darkness. All he could see was the darkest shade of black. Gradually a light became clearer; He was hoping it was not a train. Swiftly he turned himself over before falling straight down and hitting the ground hard.

He felt the soft green grass as he came to his senses. Then he jumped to his feet ready for what was going to happen. Cautiously, he lowered his arms but he was still prepared for the worst. Now he took in his surrounding hoping not to see anything that was going to bring harm to him. It was a slight green patch of grass surrounded by beach and sand. He was worried; this was not like earth he knew. Was he in another dimension or something? What was he going to do now? He stepped off the patch of grass only to see it disappear into thin air behind him. The water from the ocean splashed against the sand making noises for all to hear.

Cody ran along the beach scared of what could happen. He hit a dirt patch which made him stumble and roll on the ground. Unhurt he returned too his feet and brushed the dirt off of himself. He started walking again along the rough path seeing various ruins soaring high into the air. He now realized that he was unconsciously murmuring to himself.

Then Out of nowhere, a threatening warrior clad in silver armour cut him off. His assailant clamped the silver sword against Cody’s neck. The glare of the blade shone into his eyes causing him to stumble backwards. The warrior sheathed his sword as he as he strode forward and grabbed Cody’s shirt and lifted him into the air to meet his eyes

“What the hell are you doing in this part of the forest?†The warrior yelled into his face before throwing him onto the ground. Cody scrambled about, losing his footing a couple of times before fully stumbling upright, worried about what was happening. He looked nervous and spoke with a slight quiver in his voice.

“Oh, Um, I do not know how I came here, I was…†He spoke quietly as his attacker moved back slightly yet still in range for a quick attack if need be.

“Your life story is not important; I need to know who you are. If you really are who I think you is, I need to hide you immediately.†He spoke briskly trying not to raise his voice. His bad grammar was apparent with the ‘is’ comment. Quickly he ran forward and grabbed Cody heaving him up onto his shoulder and continuing to run. Cody thrashed about to no avail. The large warrior who was yet to stop running throwed done the covering of his face which Cody was yet to get a clean look at. Full tilt the man ran as he ducked various branches and leaped over bush after bush.

After another minute of sprinting, the warrior, yet to reveal his identity slowed down to a jog. He grabbed the body of Cody and pushed him off to the ground; Cody scrambled up and started running away as the large warrior followed him gaining pace at a horse like speed. He was starting to catch Cody and he did not know how long he could keep running from his capturer. Seeing the green flash by his eyes reminded him off his fully green room in which he had only just left when he was plunged into this place. Off in thought, he missed on seeing the large branch sticking out in front of him. He kept running only to hit the branch forehead first, sending him flying backwards.

Slowly Cody came to his senses, .on as soft pile of leaves as he was seeing double. He sat up rubbing his eyes trying to clear his vision but it was no use. He looked around the vast area taken up by the house as he climbed his feet. He now took the chance to look where he was but before he could was interrupted by a large man with a chin full of stubble. Carrying a cup of soup he bumped into Cody spilling it all over himself.

“Bloody hell†He exclaimed as he pushed off the undried soup and onto the carpet, most likely staining it for good. Cody, unaware of who it was, started running off again only to be stopped by a small dwarf like man. Carrying an axe he started backing off when he ran into the large man once again.

“Uh… Uh, what do you want with me?†Cody stuttered trying not to sound too frightened but failing overall. The larger man started to laugh as the small dwarf like man put the axe into a little holder on his left.

“Settle down lad. There is nothing we are going to do to you; you are needed here in these lands. There is a prophecy, that somebody would fall from the sky and be the savoir of Mordia. Now you are here to save us as there is a war for this very land coming in less then 2 days.†He exclaimed with a rather serious look on his face as he stares at Cody who goes to reply but it is yet to due to the stare he is being given.

“What! I am 16 years old and I am going into a world war untrained. I am expected to come along and save you, now you really are delusional. You come along, scare me and grab me and run off with me, what was I meant to think!†Cody angrily yelled still pissed off at what was expected of him.

“Mordia’s fate is in your hands, you have to do this for us or all of Mordia is damned. Her fate it in your hands and if you do not do this, you can NEVER leave Mordia.†The small dwarf said with a serious and gruff look on his face. Cody considering what happens, lets it go and finally agrees as he gets the knight to train him.

Cody standing on top of a mountain, a small army shown behind him waits as the wind blows back his long brown is blown back into the wind. We turn to see trees rapidly as a larger army makes their way trough, logging the trees as they walk through the forest.


Grammar added and hoping that it is improved, I need an idea for the final part, I have 420 words to work with, I am thinking about going with the copma ideas with the leaving this place thing