THE Brian Kendrick's Biceps
Guest
Welcome back to THE BKB’s review of iMPACT! I missed last week, because I was out walking through random parks. But I’m here now, so cool.
We start off with the recap of last week’s episode, and we’re told we shall see Mick Foley’s debut in the iMPACT! zone ... TONIGHT~!
Angelina Love w/ Velvet Sky and ‘Cute’ Kip vs ODB
Angelina attacks ODB as she climbs into the ring, then mounts her and hits rights. She then just bashes her head into the mat by the hair. Love picks ODB up and whips her off. ODB ducks a Walker, then hits a few Walker’s of her own. Kip and Sky climb up onto the apron and distract ODB. Love then comes from behind her and throws her out of the ring. Sky then attacks ODB on the outside, before Love comes out and throws her into the ring. Two count. More outside interference from Sky. More hair pulling from Love. She stands over ODB and taunts, when ODB spanks her. ODB then hits some chops, taking over. Sandwich in the corner. Fallaway slam. ODB gets Love up for the powerslam. Love slips out and pushes her off, into Sky spitting ODB’s booze. Sky then hits the Lights Out ftw.
Winner: Angelina Love
Rating: **
Comments: Twas alright.
We’re backstage with JB and JJ. Jarrett says he’s going out to the ring. Gee, that was a needed segment.
AD BREAK
We’re back and ODB is bitching to Traci. Traci says ODB can have a match against the Beautiful People if she finds a partner. ODB dances around like a moron.
JARRETT HYPE~!
So Jarrett comes out (how unexpected) with the newspaper where Angle bitched about TNA. Jarrett bitches about Angle bitching. Jarrett mentioned VKM. Uh oh! Angle apparently sucks, because he told the truth about Vince being a great booker. Jarrett bitches some more, and we go to see an old clip, of Angle bitching about VKM. This Vince burial hour is so amazingly sad. The fact that they are trying to use WWE to promote their feud is really pissing me off. Anyway, Jarrett will break Vinnie and Kurt’s father/son bond. Dang.
AD BREAK
JB is backstage with Angle. Angle’s going to rip Jarrett’s head off.
Monster’s Ball Qualifier
Motor City Machine Guns vs LAX
The TNA announcer screwed up Homicide’s name lol. Homicide and Shelley start as the legal men. Mock up. A little nit of wrestling. Back suplex from Cide. Tag to Hernandez, who goes for a back suplex which flips Shelley over onto his gut for the two count. Bear hug from Hernandez. Shelley hits a Mongolian chop, then tags in Sabin. Hernandez tackles Sabin a few times. Backbreaker from Sabin for two. Hernandez gets Sabin up for a suplex, but Shelley comes in and kicks him in the leg. The Guns go for a double suplex, but Hernandez takes them both over, before tagging in Cide. Corkscrew elbow for two. Shelley then grabs Cide. Shelley runs over and dropkicks him out to the floor. Suicide dive. Sabin rolls Cide in, then climbs in and tags in Sabin. Both hit elbows in the corner to Cide, then a dropkick on each side of the head for the two. Shelley picks Cide up and tags in Cide. They go for a double team, but Cide pushes them into each other and makes the tag. Hernandez in. Chops. Back body drop. German suplex. Choke overhead supklex for two, with Shelley breaking up the pun. Shelley goes at Hernandex, but he sets him up for the Border Toss. Enzuiguri from Sabin. Shelley then hits a DDT on Cide and faceplant on Hernandez. Shelley goes for sliced break on Cide, but Cide flips out and hits the Gringo Cutter. Hernandez looks to jump to the outside, when he gets a mule kick from Sabin. Hernandez then tries to send Sabin out to the floor. Sabin lands on the apron, springboards in, and eats a sit out powerbomb for the three.
Winners: LAX
Rating: ***
Comment: Guns never win. =/
Shelley flips MAX off behind their back, then sucks up to them to their faces. NO RESPECT~!
AD BREAK
BFG HYPE~!
Lauren is with Taylor, who cuts a shitty generic face promo. She will give it from her heart~!
ROXXI HYPE~!
Homicide says Cornette has to add Beer Money into the Monster’s Ball. If he doesn’t, he steal his shit yo. Hernandez don’t wanna do nothing. OSHT! Cornette tells Angle he’s fined. PWNT~!
AD BREAK
SUICIDE HYPE~! lawlz
X Division Championship
Jimmy Rave vs Eric Young vs Sheik Abdul Bashir (c)
Yay for Rave getting a title shot! Boo for him having no chance! Rave and Bashir kick Young early, teaming together. Rave then knees Young in the gut, only for Bashir to throw him into the ring post. Young grabs a side headlock on Bashir, but he gets taken over with a back suplex. Two count. Snapmare and a low dropkick to the back of the head. Two count. Sleeper from Bashir. Young fights up, but Bashir clumbs him in the back. Young throws Bashir out of the ring. Armbar comes in, spins around, and locks in an armbar. Young fights out of it, then runs off to the ropes, getting tripped by Bashir. Rave and Bashir work together again with chops, until an STO tales Bashir down. Young takes over, with Walker’s. Rave gets throw out to the outside, and Young scoops slams Bashir. He then goes for a moonsault, which Bashir dodges. DDT ftw.
Winner: Sheik Abdul Bashir
Rating: **
Comments: RAVE FOR X CHAMP!
Bashir faces off with the referee. OOOOOOO.
Lethal, Cage and AJ are backstage with JB. Lethal says he won’t let his partners down. AJ asks Cage if they’re cool. Cage is always cool. >_>
AD BREAK
Team 3D and Booker T vs Jay Lethal, Christian Cage and AJ Styles
Ray and Lethal are in the ring. Lethal calls out Booker. In he comes. Lock up. Booker goes for a right, but Lethal blocks and hits some rights and chops. Thumb to the eye. Booker hits some chops, then goes for a whip which Lethal reverses. Hip toss. Cartwheel. Low dropkick for the two. Booker hits an elbow, the tags in Ray. Ray just bashes Lethal around the mat, with rights and kicks. Ray taunts, then hits a Walker on Lethal. In comes Devon, and he hits some rights.
AD BREAK
We come back with Lethal hitting a dropkick on Devon for the two. He then tags in Cage, who hits some rights. Inverted DDT attempt. Devon hits rights, then goes for the Saving Grace. Cage lands on his feet and hits the Edge-o-matic. Booker hits a cheap right to the gut, then tags in Booker. Cage quickly esapes though and tags AJ. AJ hits some rights then a big forearm in the corner. In comes Lethal. Lethal hits an elbow to the top of Booker’s head, before some chops. He then gets triple teamed in the corner. 3D pull him down and crotch him into the ringpost. Heel kick from Booker for two. He tags in Devon, who hits a headbutt, then chokes Lethal. Right. Whip, corkscrew elbow. Two count, then a sleeper. Lethal fights up, and hits elbows to the gut. Devon just throws him down hard, then tags in Ray. Elbow to the top of Lethal’s head. Elbow to the nuts. Tags in Devon. Devon tries to whip Lethal, but Lethal reverses and sends Devon into the corner. Lethal goes for Devon, but gets an elbow. Lethal ducks a Walker, then hits an enzuiguri. Cage comes in and cleans house. Super hurrancanrana off the second rope for two. Devon interferes, and AJ takes him out of the ring. Back body drop on Cage, then one to Lethal from Ray. There goes AJ with one. Ray goes for a double clothesline on AJ and Lethal, but he gets a double back body drop. Cross body block from the top for two from Cage. Booker hits Lethal with his briefcase. Booker then tags himself in. Cage rolls Ray up. AJ springboards into the ring and hits Cage ‘accidently’. Booker rolls through, and we get the three.
Winners: Team 3D and Booker T.
Rating: ***
Comments: Nice hype build for AJ vs Cage. It’s happening.
AJ and Cage talk in the ring.
AD BREAK
There’s a commotion in Jarrett’s office! Angle is NOT AMUSED~!
Tenay is with Joe and Sting in a pre-taped promo. Sting talks about how old he is.
Lauren is now backstage with the tall guy, and the freaky guy. Abyss wants Lauren in the sack. Kane is doing a much better crazy role. Matt Morgan cuts an alright promo. Abyss is meh.
AD BREAK
Beer Money come out. Hell yeah! Storm has beer attached to his belts. lulz. Roode starts off with some self promotion. He starts bagging LAX. Salinas and Hector are gone. W00T! Roode pwns Hector. Roode lays out an open invitation. Here comes Team 3D. Devon is about to talk when Morgan and Abyss come out. Morgan starts, and LAX come out. Homicide starts to talk, and out comes Cornette. He plugs Mike Chaos’ methlab (wait ... what?). Cornette turns the Monster’s Ball Triple Threat Tag into a Four Way for the belts.
We go backstage, and see the Beautiful People coming for their match.
KNOCKOUT HYPE~!
AD BREAK
Beautiful People w/ Cute Kip vs ODB and Rhaka Khan
We start off with ODB hitting an elbow on Velvet, then pulling her around by the hair. Tag to Rhaka. Velvet runs to the outside with Love. Khan grabs them by the hair and brings them in. She Walker’s them. Kip comes in and faces off with her. Velvet comes in and tries a sneak attack. Khan kicks her around, then tags in ODB. Sky whips ODB off, and Love trips her up. Rights from Sky on the mat to ODB. Tag to Love. Love and Sky hit a double elbow drop. Love rakes the face and pulls the hair. Some biting too. Such compelling offense. Tag to Sky. Kicks to ODB. More kicks and stomps. Two count. Choke. Kicks. Love in. More kicks. Beautiful People send ODB off with a double chip. Boot to Sky. Walker to Love. Tag to Khan. Kicks and Walker’s. She grabs Sky in an inverted front face lock, and uses Melina’s finisher ftw.
Winners: Rhaka Khan and ODB
Rating: **
Comments: Meh
Beautiful People and Kip attack Khan and ODB. Rhino run in and save.
AD BREAK
Mick Foley is here. The crowd love him. Foley puts TNA over. McMahon mentioned again. Foley thanks him for making the decision to leave WWE an easy one. Here comes Kurt Angle. He looks pissed off with his shirt unbuttoned, yet he has expensive sunnies on. Angle has taken over, and he complains that he has lost the same as Jarrett. He has lost his wife. He then says he is better than Foley. He carries TNA. Foley says the young guys do. I tuned out while both men promoted WWE for awhile here.. Angle says DW is replaceable. Too true. Foley says he isn’t there for that. He will be the Special Enforcer for Jarrett vs Angle. Angle is pissed, and we end the show.
Overall Thoughts: Way too much WWE mentioning here. It felt like they were using Vince as cheap heat. TNA, this is your show, and your company. Promote yourself. Do not promote the competition. It’s amazingly stupid.
Alright, so I’m done for another week. Check out the other reviews, and see ya next week.
We start off with the recap of last week’s episode, and we’re told we shall see Mick Foley’s debut in the iMPACT! zone ... TONIGHT~!
Angelina Love w/ Velvet Sky and ‘Cute’ Kip vs ODB
Angelina attacks ODB as she climbs into the ring, then mounts her and hits rights. She then just bashes her head into the mat by the hair. Love picks ODB up and whips her off. ODB ducks a Walker, then hits a few Walker’s of her own. Kip and Sky climb up onto the apron and distract ODB. Love then comes from behind her and throws her out of the ring. Sky then attacks ODB on the outside, before Love comes out and throws her into the ring. Two count. More outside interference from Sky. More hair pulling from Love. She stands over ODB and taunts, when ODB spanks her. ODB then hits some chops, taking over. Sandwich in the corner. Fallaway slam. ODB gets Love up for the powerslam. Love slips out and pushes her off, into Sky spitting ODB’s booze. Sky then hits the Lights Out ftw.
Winner: Angelina Love
Rating: **
Comments: Twas alright.
We’re backstage with JB and JJ. Jarrett says he’s going out to the ring. Gee, that was a needed segment.
AD BREAK
We’re back and ODB is bitching to Traci. Traci says ODB can have a match against the Beautiful People if she finds a partner. ODB dances around like a moron.
JARRETT HYPE~!
So Jarrett comes out (how unexpected) with the newspaper where Angle bitched about TNA. Jarrett bitches about Angle bitching. Jarrett mentioned VKM. Uh oh! Angle apparently sucks, because he told the truth about Vince being a great booker. Jarrett bitches some more, and we go to see an old clip, of Angle bitching about VKM. This Vince burial hour is so amazingly sad. The fact that they are trying to use WWE to promote their feud is really pissing me off. Anyway, Jarrett will break Vinnie and Kurt’s father/son bond. Dang.
AD BREAK
JB is backstage with Angle. Angle’s going to rip Jarrett’s head off.
Monster’s Ball Qualifier
Motor City Machine Guns vs LAX
The TNA announcer screwed up Homicide’s name lol. Homicide and Shelley start as the legal men. Mock up. A little nit of wrestling. Back suplex from Cide. Tag to Hernandez, who goes for a back suplex which flips Shelley over onto his gut for the two count. Bear hug from Hernandez. Shelley hits a Mongolian chop, then tags in Sabin. Hernandez tackles Sabin a few times. Backbreaker from Sabin for two. Hernandez gets Sabin up for a suplex, but Shelley comes in and kicks him in the leg. The Guns go for a double suplex, but Hernandez takes them both over, before tagging in Cide. Corkscrew elbow for two. Shelley then grabs Cide. Shelley runs over and dropkicks him out to the floor. Suicide dive. Sabin rolls Cide in, then climbs in and tags in Sabin. Both hit elbows in the corner to Cide, then a dropkick on each side of the head for the two. Shelley picks Cide up and tags in Cide. They go for a double team, but Cide pushes them into each other and makes the tag. Hernandez in. Chops. Back body drop. German suplex. Choke overhead supklex for two, with Shelley breaking up the pun. Shelley goes at Hernandex, but he sets him up for the Border Toss. Enzuiguri from Sabin. Shelley then hits a DDT on Cide and faceplant on Hernandez. Shelley goes for sliced break on Cide, but Cide flips out and hits the Gringo Cutter. Hernandez looks to jump to the outside, when he gets a mule kick from Sabin. Hernandez then tries to send Sabin out to the floor. Sabin lands on the apron, springboards in, and eats a sit out powerbomb for the three.
Winners: LAX
Rating: ***
Comment: Guns never win. =/
Shelley flips MAX off behind their back, then sucks up to them to their faces. NO RESPECT~!
AD BREAK
BFG HYPE~!
Lauren is with Taylor, who cuts a shitty generic face promo. She will give it from her heart~!
ROXXI HYPE~!
Homicide says Cornette has to add Beer Money into the Monster’s Ball. If he doesn’t, he steal his shit yo. Hernandez don’t wanna do nothing. OSHT! Cornette tells Angle he’s fined. PWNT~!
AD BREAK
SUICIDE HYPE~! lawlz
X Division Championship
Jimmy Rave vs Eric Young vs Sheik Abdul Bashir (c)
Yay for Rave getting a title shot! Boo for him having no chance! Rave and Bashir kick Young early, teaming together. Rave then knees Young in the gut, only for Bashir to throw him into the ring post. Young grabs a side headlock on Bashir, but he gets taken over with a back suplex. Two count. Snapmare and a low dropkick to the back of the head. Two count. Sleeper from Bashir. Young fights up, but Bashir clumbs him in the back. Young throws Bashir out of the ring. Armbar comes in, spins around, and locks in an armbar. Young fights out of it, then runs off to the ropes, getting tripped by Bashir. Rave and Bashir work together again with chops, until an STO tales Bashir down. Young takes over, with Walker’s. Rave gets throw out to the outside, and Young scoops slams Bashir. He then goes for a moonsault, which Bashir dodges. DDT ftw.
Winner: Sheik Abdul Bashir
Rating: **
Comments: RAVE FOR X CHAMP!
Bashir faces off with the referee. OOOOOOO.
Lethal, Cage and AJ are backstage with JB. Lethal says he won’t let his partners down. AJ asks Cage if they’re cool. Cage is always cool. >_>
AD BREAK
Team 3D and Booker T vs Jay Lethal, Christian Cage and AJ Styles
Ray and Lethal are in the ring. Lethal calls out Booker. In he comes. Lock up. Booker goes for a right, but Lethal blocks and hits some rights and chops. Thumb to the eye. Booker hits some chops, then goes for a whip which Lethal reverses. Hip toss. Cartwheel. Low dropkick for the two. Booker hits an elbow, the tags in Ray. Ray just bashes Lethal around the mat, with rights and kicks. Ray taunts, then hits a Walker on Lethal. In comes Devon, and he hits some rights.
AD BREAK
We come back with Lethal hitting a dropkick on Devon for the two. He then tags in Cage, who hits some rights. Inverted DDT attempt. Devon hits rights, then goes for the Saving Grace. Cage lands on his feet and hits the Edge-o-matic. Booker hits a cheap right to the gut, then tags in Booker. Cage quickly esapes though and tags AJ. AJ hits some rights then a big forearm in the corner. In comes Lethal. Lethal hits an elbow to the top of Booker’s head, before some chops. He then gets triple teamed in the corner. 3D pull him down and crotch him into the ringpost. Heel kick from Booker for two. He tags in Devon, who hits a headbutt, then chokes Lethal. Right. Whip, corkscrew elbow. Two count, then a sleeper. Lethal fights up, and hits elbows to the gut. Devon just throws him down hard, then tags in Ray. Elbow to the top of Lethal’s head. Elbow to the nuts. Tags in Devon. Devon tries to whip Lethal, but Lethal reverses and sends Devon into the corner. Lethal goes for Devon, but gets an elbow. Lethal ducks a Walker, then hits an enzuiguri. Cage comes in and cleans house. Super hurrancanrana off the second rope for two. Devon interferes, and AJ takes him out of the ring. Back body drop on Cage, then one to Lethal from Ray. There goes AJ with one. Ray goes for a double clothesline on AJ and Lethal, but he gets a double back body drop. Cross body block from the top for two from Cage. Booker hits Lethal with his briefcase. Booker then tags himself in. Cage rolls Ray up. AJ springboards into the ring and hits Cage ‘accidently’. Booker rolls through, and we get the three.
Winners: Team 3D and Booker T.
Rating: ***
Comments: Nice hype build for AJ vs Cage. It’s happening.
AJ and Cage talk in the ring.
AD BREAK
There’s a commotion in Jarrett’s office! Angle is NOT AMUSED~!
Tenay is with Joe and Sting in a pre-taped promo. Sting talks about how old he is.
Lauren is now backstage with the tall guy, and the freaky guy. Abyss wants Lauren in the sack. Kane is doing a much better crazy role. Matt Morgan cuts an alright promo. Abyss is meh.
AD BREAK
Beer Money come out. Hell yeah! Storm has beer attached to his belts. lulz. Roode starts off with some self promotion. He starts bagging LAX. Salinas and Hector are gone. W00T! Roode pwns Hector. Roode lays out an open invitation. Here comes Team 3D. Devon is about to talk when Morgan and Abyss come out. Morgan starts, and LAX come out. Homicide starts to talk, and out comes Cornette. He plugs Mike Chaos’ methlab (wait ... what?). Cornette turns the Monster’s Ball Triple Threat Tag into a Four Way for the belts.
We go backstage, and see the Beautiful People coming for their match.
KNOCKOUT HYPE~!
AD BREAK
Beautiful People w/ Cute Kip vs ODB and Rhaka Khan
We start off with ODB hitting an elbow on Velvet, then pulling her around by the hair. Tag to Rhaka. Velvet runs to the outside with Love. Khan grabs them by the hair and brings them in. She Walker’s them. Kip comes in and faces off with her. Velvet comes in and tries a sneak attack. Khan kicks her around, then tags in ODB. Sky whips ODB off, and Love trips her up. Rights from Sky on the mat to ODB. Tag to Love. Love and Sky hit a double elbow drop. Love rakes the face and pulls the hair. Some biting too. Such compelling offense. Tag to Sky. Kicks to ODB. More kicks and stomps. Two count. Choke. Kicks. Love in. More kicks. Beautiful People send ODB off with a double chip. Boot to Sky. Walker to Love. Tag to Khan. Kicks and Walker’s. She grabs Sky in an inverted front face lock, and uses Melina’s finisher ftw.
Winners: Rhaka Khan and ODB
Rating: **
Comments: Meh
Beautiful People and Kip attack Khan and ODB. Rhino run in and save.
AD BREAK
Mick Foley is here. The crowd love him. Foley puts TNA over. McMahon mentioned again. Foley thanks him for making the decision to leave WWE an easy one. Here comes Kurt Angle. He looks pissed off with his shirt unbuttoned, yet he has expensive sunnies on. Angle has taken over, and he complains that he has lost the same as Jarrett. He has lost his wife. He then says he is better than Foley. He carries TNA. Foley says the young guys do. I tuned out while both men promoted WWE for awhile here.. Angle says DW is replaceable. Too true. Foley says he isn’t there for that. He will be the Special Enforcer for Jarrett vs Angle. Angle is pissed, and we end the show.
Overall Thoughts: Way too much WWE mentioning here. It felt like they were using Vince as cheap heat. TNA, this is your show, and your company. Promote yourself. Do not promote the competition. It’s amazingly stupid.
Alright, so I’m done for another week. Check out the other reviews, and see ya next week.