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HULAMANIA IS DEAD, BUT THE REVIEWS LIVE ON, BROTHER.
WWF World Champion: Hulk Hogan-23/1/84
WWF Intercontinental Champion: Honky Tonk Man-13/6/87
WWF Tag Team Champions: Strike Force-7/11/87
WWF SATURDAY'S NIGHT MAIN EVENT
JANUARY 2ND, 1988
CAPITAL CENTRE
LANDOVER, MD
Promos-
-Jake is happy it's 1988, my man as it's a new year and a fresh start for him. Fuji and Sika are invited to his NYE Party so he can change their future with the DDT
-Jimmy and Hammer calls Koko a birdbrain
-STRIKE FORCE BEWARE
-Slick and the Russians are going to roll some heads.
-Bobby says last time Andre was made to leave the arena, but this time he's giving his place to Andre. Bundymania is upon us
-Hulkamania is for real now and always, and he's going to go through that stinky giant to prove Bundymania is dead and Hulkamania lives forever.
Vince and Jesse run down the card in classic form, and my goodness have i missed these two together.
Mean Gene-
-Hogan is doing jumping jacks COVERED in baby oil like you've never seen before. Dude is glowing wet. Anyway, he repeats his earlier promo.
Mean Gene-
-Slick and his Russians cut a very 80's Russian praise promo that's covering zero new ground, so whatever.
Mean Gene-
- Strike Force are proud of each other and being the champs. Martel promises this will be their year as they strike with force and go all the way.
-Tito knows his heart and Rick's heart, and they're going to bring the FORCE.
Match#1 Strike Force (c) vs The Bolsheviks w/Slick (WWF World Tag Team Championships-2/3 Falls Match)
The boys attack at a rapid pace with takedowns and strikes from every way they can hit, and it's such a fantastic thing to see. The Russians suck as we saw last year by being fat and lazy, so the boys are pretty much doing all the work to get it to not suck. Nik isolates Tito with a closeline and we get a boring control seg from his end, but Tito's selling kicks ass once more as he leans into every single bump and chin lock thrown his way. Martel gets the hot tag and goes insane on them as he's somehow even cooler than before. He gets Boris in the Crab to win the first fall. We come back to the Russians back in control on Rick this time, and it's pretty much the same stuff as the Tito work from before. Tito has a sick hot tag lighting these dorks up with the amazing dropkicks and forearms he can muster. Nik gets the cane and tries to hit Tito, but he ducks and Boris is killed. Tito gets rid of Nik and then makes the pin to go 2-0 and keep the titles. YEAH MAN UP
**1/2
Mean Gene-
-Fuji has a giant sandwich and jar of mustard. He covers it as he says this is dinner for Sika before he eats Damien later. He shoves into Sika's mouth for another all time visual.
Mean Gene-
-Jake says that doesn't concern him at all as they need to think about the DDT. He's not walking up and slapping him and telling him to take his best shot, no, he's going to sneak up and take it anyway he can. He's going to shove Fuji into the mustard.
Match#2 Jake Roberts vs Sika w/Mr Fuji
Sadly only three minutes of a proper sicko match, but a toooon of fun no matter. Jake targets the arm to keep him at a distance so he can throw punches and not die, but Sika is a monster and gets free and murders him with a sweet backdrop. He scratches at his back and does cool wildman offence, and Jake takes a beating and sells his ass off as Sika wears him down with a nerve hold. Jake finally mounts a comeback with the sweet knee to the face and unloads punches on him. Sika tries a charge but misses, and Jake quickly rolls him up to win.
**1/4
Post match, Jake gets rid of Sika, AND HE HITS FUJI WITH THE DDT. FUCK YES. He drops Damien onto his dead body until Sika saves him.
In the back, Gene is with Heenan, Bundy, and Andre. Heenan says Andre will OFFICIALLY be in Bundy's corner, because he can't risk his health. He says these are the only two men to defeat him, and Bundy says Hulkamania is dead. Bundy says Hogan took advantage of Heenan, but he won't do it to him, and he could never do it to Andre. Andre slaps Gene on the back and nearly crushes him as he leaves.
They replay Hogan attacking Heenan a few months ago.
Mean Gene-
In the back, Hogan cuts an all time cocaine promo you NEED to see
Match#3 Hulk Hogan (c) vs King Kong Bundy w/Andre the Giant (WWF Worlds Heavyweight Championship)
Same opening stuff as always as Hogan runs through him like a hot knife through butter, and Bundy takes some massive bumps for a human built like him. Hogan turns into Okada as he works the arm and maintains wrist control as he twists and turns it as hard as he can, and Bundy screams in pain as Hogan beats it worse and worse. Bundy finally has to yank at the hair to drag him down and then does arm work of his own for a while. Good mean stuff, but not the sick monster work he should be doing against his old foe. Hogan fights out with an ugly slam that doesn't kill Bundy right away, and Bundy is able to stay in the fight. He tries to hit the Avalanche but the ref is killed instead. He gets taken away on a stretcher and replaced with Hebner. Bundy takes back over for a boring control seg working the head and neck for a while, and Hogan does some fine selling. Hogan finally Hulks Up and wins with the Legdrop.
**1/2
Andre gets on the apron and Hogan dares him to get in and fight. Andre actually drops down and seems to leave with Bundy, BUT HE COMES BACK IN AND GRABS HIM BY THE NECK AND HEADBUTTS HIM IN THE BACK OF THE HEAD AND CHOKES HIM OUT WITH HIS ISNANE HANDS, AND HOGAN IS DYING AS ANDRE CHOKES HIM HARDER AND HARDER. The Bulldogs run down and try to get him free, but Andre keeps choking him. He lets go and slams their heads together and throws them out of the ring, and goes right back to strangling Hogan. JYD, Jake and Strike Force now run down and punch at Andre to get him to let go, but he keeps at it. HACKSAW RUNS DOWN NOW AND HITS HIM ACROSS THE BACK WITH THE 2X4 AND ANDRE STANDS RIGHT UP AND STARES HIM DOWN, AND HACKSAW RUNS FOR IT. The rest of the faces finally get Hogan out of there and carry him to the back. What an angle.
Jesse-
-He's got Hammer and Jimmy with him. They trade bird jokes about Koko, and then praise each other.
-Hammer calls out Beefcake for being a fruitcake and says he's going to hammer him one day soon.
Mean Gene-
-Koko sings a ton and calls them featherweights. Brutus has been teaching him how to clip some wings, and he might just do that tonight.
Match#4 Koko B Ware vs Greg Valentine w/Jimmy Hart
YES. Hammer hot shots him right away and beats his face with the elbows over and over as he's not fucking around, and Koko is fighting like hell to have a chance against him. Hammer cuts him off with a gross knee to the ribs and stays on the attack, and Koko's selling and bumping are fantastic as hell. Hammer gets more and more violent as he's been given new life again. Brutus comes out now to cheer on Koko, and our hero makes a sweet comeback with tons of rollups and nearfalls and puts Hammer on the backfoot for the first time. The ref makes Brutus leave in an actual bullshit call given he didn't do anything wrong. We come back to Hammer forearming Koko in the jaw time and time again, and the kid is just being murdered for fun at this point. Koko FINALLY gets him on the top rope as he throws him down and makes a sick comeback once more with amazing punches and dropkicks, and puts this fuck to the sword. Hammer cuts him off once more when he drops him onto his knee and he locks in the Figure Four and poor Koko has to tap out. What a match.
***
Hammer stays on the attack, but Brutus runs down and scares him away. He gets Jimmy and tries to cuts his hair, but Hart manages to get free and runs for it.
Mean Gene-
In the back, Gene interviews Bobby Heenan and Andre the Giant. Andre said it felt so good to choke him, and he'd like to do it again and again. Bobby says Andre was choking the WWF Title away from Hulk Hogan, and it will be a new year for Andre the Giant, Bobby Heenan, and The Heenan Family. He says there will be a new WWF Champion, and says he's going to make Andre the Giant more money this year than he could ever imagine. He says he's got a deal in the works that will make them BOTH more money than anyone else in wrestling, because that's what it's all about. OH FUCK. Andre chokes Gene to end it
In the back, Jesse can't stop laughing at Hogan being attacked, and he only wishes it was a title match. Gene says Hogan was going to need a breathing device, but he's breathing on his own right at this moment. Jesse says he can finally not have to hear his jagger and see him pose.
Vince, Gene and Jesse thank the fans for watching. Happy New Years.
WWF World Champion: Hulk Hogan-23/1/84
WWF Intercontinental Champion: Honky Tonk Man-13/6/87
WWF Tag Team Champions: Strike Force-7/11/87
WWF SATURDAY'S NIGHT MAIN EVENT
JANUARY 2ND, 1988
CAPITAL CENTRE
LANDOVER, MD
Promos-
-Jake is happy it's 1988, my man as it's a new year and a fresh start for him. Fuji and Sika are invited to his NYE Party so he can change their future with the DDT
-Jimmy and Hammer calls Koko a birdbrain
-STRIKE FORCE BEWARE
-Slick and the Russians are going to roll some heads.
-Bobby says last time Andre was made to leave the arena, but this time he's giving his place to Andre. Bundymania is upon us
-Hulkamania is for real now and always, and he's going to go through that stinky giant to prove Bundymania is dead and Hulkamania lives forever.
Vince and Jesse run down the card in classic form, and my goodness have i missed these two together.
Mean Gene-
-Hogan is doing jumping jacks COVERED in baby oil like you've never seen before. Dude is glowing wet. Anyway, he repeats his earlier promo.
Mean Gene-
-Slick and his Russians cut a very 80's Russian praise promo that's covering zero new ground, so whatever.
Mean Gene-
- Strike Force are proud of each other and being the champs. Martel promises this will be their year as they strike with force and go all the way.
-Tito knows his heart and Rick's heart, and they're going to bring the FORCE.
Match#1 Strike Force (c) vs The Bolsheviks w/Slick (WWF World Tag Team Championships-2/3 Falls Match)
The boys attack at a rapid pace with takedowns and strikes from every way they can hit, and it's such a fantastic thing to see. The Russians suck as we saw last year by being fat and lazy, so the boys are pretty much doing all the work to get it to not suck. Nik isolates Tito with a closeline and we get a boring control seg from his end, but Tito's selling kicks ass once more as he leans into every single bump and chin lock thrown his way. Martel gets the hot tag and goes insane on them as he's somehow even cooler than before. He gets Boris in the Crab to win the first fall. We come back to the Russians back in control on Rick this time, and it's pretty much the same stuff as the Tito work from before. Tito has a sick hot tag lighting these dorks up with the amazing dropkicks and forearms he can muster. Nik gets the cane and tries to hit Tito, but he ducks and Boris is killed. Tito gets rid of Nik and then makes the pin to go 2-0 and keep the titles. YEAH MAN UP
**1/2
Mean Gene-
-Fuji has a giant sandwich and jar of mustard. He covers it as he says this is dinner for Sika before he eats Damien later. He shoves into Sika's mouth for another all time visual.
Mean Gene-
-Jake says that doesn't concern him at all as they need to think about the DDT. He's not walking up and slapping him and telling him to take his best shot, no, he's going to sneak up and take it anyway he can. He's going to shove Fuji into the mustard.
Match#2 Jake Roberts vs Sika w/Mr Fuji
Sadly only three minutes of a proper sicko match, but a toooon of fun no matter. Jake targets the arm to keep him at a distance so he can throw punches and not die, but Sika is a monster and gets free and murders him with a sweet backdrop. He scratches at his back and does cool wildman offence, and Jake takes a beating and sells his ass off as Sika wears him down with a nerve hold. Jake finally mounts a comeback with the sweet knee to the face and unloads punches on him. Sika tries a charge but misses, and Jake quickly rolls him up to win.
**1/4
Post match, Jake gets rid of Sika, AND HE HITS FUJI WITH THE DDT. FUCK YES. He drops Damien onto his dead body until Sika saves him.
In the back, Gene is with Heenan, Bundy, and Andre. Heenan says Andre will OFFICIALLY be in Bundy's corner, because he can't risk his health. He says these are the only two men to defeat him, and Bundy says Hulkamania is dead. Bundy says Hogan took advantage of Heenan, but he won't do it to him, and he could never do it to Andre. Andre slaps Gene on the back and nearly crushes him as he leaves.
They replay Hogan attacking Heenan a few months ago.
Mean Gene-
In the back, Hogan cuts an all time cocaine promo you NEED to see
Match#3 Hulk Hogan (c) vs King Kong Bundy w/Andre the Giant (WWF Worlds Heavyweight Championship)
Same opening stuff as always as Hogan runs through him like a hot knife through butter, and Bundy takes some massive bumps for a human built like him. Hogan turns into Okada as he works the arm and maintains wrist control as he twists and turns it as hard as he can, and Bundy screams in pain as Hogan beats it worse and worse. Bundy finally has to yank at the hair to drag him down and then does arm work of his own for a while. Good mean stuff, but not the sick monster work he should be doing against his old foe. Hogan fights out with an ugly slam that doesn't kill Bundy right away, and Bundy is able to stay in the fight. He tries to hit the Avalanche but the ref is killed instead. He gets taken away on a stretcher and replaced with Hebner. Bundy takes back over for a boring control seg working the head and neck for a while, and Hogan does some fine selling. Hogan finally Hulks Up and wins with the Legdrop.
**1/2
Andre gets on the apron and Hogan dares him to get in and fight. Andre actually drops down and seems to leave with Bundy, BUT HE COMES BACK IN AND GRABS HIM BY THE NECK AND HEADBUTTS HIM IN THE BACK OF THE HEAD AND CHOKES HIM OUT WITH HIS ISNANE HANDS, AND HOGAN IS DYING AS ANDRE CHOKES HIM HARDER AND HARDER. The Bulldogs run down and try to get him free, but Andre keeps choking him. He lets go and slams their heads together and throws them out of the ring, and goes right back to strangling Hogan. JYD, Jake and Strike Force now run down and punch at Andre to get him to let go, but he keeps at it. HACKSAW RUNS DOWN NOW AND HITS HIM ACROSS THE BACK WITH THE 2X4 AND ANDRE STANDS RIGHT UP AND STARES HIM DOWN, AND HACKSAW RUNS FOR IT. The rest of the faces finally get Hogan out of there and carry him to the back. What an angle.
Jesse-
-He's got Hammer and Jimmy with him. They trade bird jokes about Koko, and then praise each other.
-Hammer calls out Beefcake for being a fruitcake and says he's going to hammer him one day soon.
Mean Gene-
-Koko sings a ton and calls them featherweights. Brutus has been teaching him how to clip some wings, and he might just do that tonight.
Match#4 Koko B Ware vs Greg Valentine w/Jimmy Hart
YES. Hammer hot shots him right away and beats his face with the elbows over and over as he's not fucking around, and Koko is fighting like hell to have a chance against him. Hammer cuts him off with a gross knee to the ribs and stays on the attack, and Koko's selling and bumping are fantastic as hell. Hammer gets more and more violent as he's been given new life again. Brutus comes out now to cheer on Koko, and our hero makes a sweet comeback with tons of rollups and nearfalls and puts Hammer on the backfoot for the first time. The ref makes Brutus leave in an actual bullshit call given he didn't do anything wrong. We come back to Hammer forearming Koko in the jaw time and time again, and the kid is just being murdered for fun at this point. Koko FINALLY gets him on the top rope as he throws him down and makes a sick comeback once more with amazing punches and dropkicks, and puts this fuck to the sword. Hammer cuts him off once more when he drops him onto his knee and he locks in the Figure Four and poor Koko has to tap out. What a match.
***
Hammer stays on the attack, but Brutus runs down and scares him away. He gets Jimmy and tries to cuts his hair, but Hart manages to get free and runs for it.
Mean Gene-
In the back, Gene interviews Bobby Heenan and Andre the Giant. Andre said it felt so good to choke him, and he'd like to do it again and again. Bobby says Andre was choking the WWF Title away from Hulk Hogan, and it will be a new year for Andre the Giant, Bobby Heenan, and The Heenan Family. He says there will be a new WWF Champion, and says he's going to make Andre the Giant more money this year than he could ever imagine. He says he's got a deal in the works that will make them BOTH more money than anyone else in wrestling, because that's what it's all about. OH FUCK. Andre chokes Gene to end it
In the back, Jesse can't stop laughing at Hogan being attacked, and he only wishes it was a title match. Gene says Hogan was going to need a breathing device, but he's breathing on his own right at this moment. Jesse says he can finally not have to hear his jagger and see him pose.
Vince, Gene and Jesse thank the fans for watching. Happy New Years.
