THE Brian Kendrick's Biceps
Guest
Welcome to BKB’s TNA iMPACT! Review. Tonight, we should see the debut of Mick Foley. Sounds pretty awesome if you ask me. I have no idea what else will be happening.
We start off this week’s episode with a No Surrender recap. Looked kinda screwy.
Mike Tenay and DW run down the card for tonight, which I don’t really pay attention to.
Here comes Joe, to begin the show. Joe gets a small chant going before he starts mouthing off. Surprised. Joe craps on about how everyone is great, and about how he’s a face. Oh wait, Sting isn’t great. He’s at home in his estate. It’s probably right. Sting does shit all. Joe speaks the truth, this is practically a shoot. Joe mocks Sting, and tells him to kiss his ass. That’s one mighty big ass. End promo.
JB was on the scene for Jeff Jarrett’s arrival! Jarrett tells Sting he hopes he listens, because he has something to say.
AD BREAK
DW and Tenay flap their jaws about. And go through the iMPACT! line up again, until Angle comes out and interrupts. Thank God. Angle isn’t happy. He tells AJ he’s going to kick his ass, after telling Jarrett to get stuffed. Angle is NOT AMUSED~!
Motor City Machine Guns vs AJ Styles and Christian Cage
Sabin and Styles open up with some rasslin. AJ takes over with the arm of Sabin. Sabin comes back, but AJ then tries to set up his dropkick. Sabin though springboards off the ropes and hits an arm drag. AJ then hits the dropkick, and tags in Cage. Poetry in motion from Styles/Cage, then a corkscrew elbow from the second rope for two. Sabin gets to his corner, and tags in Shelley. Shelley takes over with kicks, then a springboard crossbody for two. Cage then gets up, and hits a gut buster. Shelley makes it across to Sabin, and tags him in. Sabin then hits corner big boot, before setting Cage up in the tree of woe. Tag to Shelley. Baseball slide to the head of Cage, and a hesitation dropkick. Shelley then hits a slingshot elbow. Two count. Shelley tags in Sabin, and they go for the double team. Cage fights out, and hits an inverted DDT. Cage then tags in AJ. AJ comes in with a double dropkick. He then takes over on both men, until he locks in an armbar on Sabin. Shelley kicks him in the side of the head. Shelley clothesline AJ over the top rope. Cage goes to the top rope and hits the Frog Splash on Sabin. Cage sends Shelley out to the floor. A and Sabin go into the ring, and Sabin goes for the Cradle Shot. AJ counters out, and scores the Styles Clash ftw.
Winners: AJ Styles and Christian Cage
Rating: **
Comments: Nice opener
Shelley and Sabin shake AJ’s hand. Cage then shakes Sabin’s hand, when Shelley tells him to get fucked, more or less. Basically, he flips him off. Sabin does the same. Cage gets pissed off, and AJ separates them. I guess the Guns are joining Joe, AJ and Jarrett.
JB is backstage with Booker T. I was distracted by Booker sounding African, not English. This was terrible. All we needed was him to yell JIMMY RAVE and this was Prince Nana circa 2005.
AD BREAK
TNA have renamed the Terror Dome. It’s now the Asylum. It will be at Bound For Glory. I can’t say I care. I’d much rather see an Ultimate X match.
Sheik Abdul Bashir is backstage. He talks in a different language for most of it, so I don’t listen.
Six Man Tag
Petey Williams, Johnny Devine and Jimmy Rave w/ Lance Rock and two hos vs The Super Queeros
If Rave jobs again (which seems likely), I riot. Williams starts out with Boy (of the Shark variety). They wrestle until Williams gets a corner clothesline. Williams then runs off, and comes back to catch a Lou Boy Press. Right hands. Forearm drop. Tag to Man (of the Curry variety). Two count. Man hits jabs on Petey. Williams comes back, and the heels take over. Man goes out to the apron, and gets an STO from Rave. Williams jumps over the top rope and gets a hurrancanrana. A billion on one on the floor. We move back in the ring, and Devine becomes legal. Snap suplex, corner knee, running knee. Two. Devine gets a fireman’s carry, and Man struggles around. Man fights through the heels though, and gets a death valley driver connected on Devine. Eric (of the not so super variety) comes in and cleans house. Everyone leaves the ring except Man and Williams. Canadian legsweep. Williams sets up for the Canadian Destroyer, but Rave and Devine accidently double clothesline Williams. Cross body from Eric. Three.
Winners: Super Queeros
Rating: **
Comments: Gay
Rave and Devine blame Williams, and throw the referee out of the way. Rock comes in and slams the referee down. The heels fight among one another. The referee and Petey Williams then clean house.
JB is up in the rafters with Sting. Shit he’s quick. Sting says he will listen to Jarrett. Cool.
AD BREAK
There’s some Morgan hype. His DNA is going into space. Not that anyone gives a fuck.
Matt Morgan and Abyss are backstage. Abyss admits he was wrong. Abyss laughs and pulls his hair. He gives some to Morgan. Yummy yummy in his tummy. Morgan says screw Abyss’ therapist. ROFL. Screw the-rapist. God I’m creative. Team 3D run in and have a sook after Morgan says they’ll be in a tag tourney at Bound For Glory. Ray has a cry.
We see Jackie headed to the LAX zone. ZOMG!
AD BREAK
We’re back, and Jackie slaps Hector at ringside. Again. pwnt2u Hector. Beer Money Inc then come out and beat down Hector. They send Hector into the ring and beat him down. LAX runs in. What a stupid segment, as Beer Money run. Traci has the mic and she tells Hector and Jackie to go to Cornette. Uh oh!
Roxxi hype.
Sting is coming down from the rafters. Joe is in his locker room.
AD BREAK
Jackie and Hector won’t STFU. Traci tells them to STFU. They do it. Cornette says well done. Traci makes a Six Man Tag Match for next week. LAX w/ Hector vs Beer Money Inc w/ Jackie. Loser loses their manager forever. Oh God, I hope it’s a double count out.
Sting hype.
Sting tells Joe he’s immature. Joe is just a pre-pubescent little boy, dammit! Sting says he has already paid his dues. You’re doing shit all for TNA though. Joe is right, so STFU and move on old man. Sting calls Joe disrespectful, and again shows how old he is. Sting craps on about how good Bound For Glory is. And we’re done with the Stinger. CAPTIVATING (ntrly)~!
AD BREAK
Knockout’s hype.
Cage and AJ are backstage with JB. This promo indicates that Cage will turn heel on AJ. Cage tells AJ he is better than him. pwnt2u
AD BREAK
Lauren is backstage with Jay Lethal. They are acting shocked that Val turned on Lethal. Like it was a surprise. Jay Lethal said he was screwed by Val at No Surrender. FREE PORN! Lethal then says he stalks Randy Savage. Cool.
Booker T vs Jay Lethal
Jay Lethal is NOT AMUSED! He gets in Booker’s face. Booker shoves Lethal. Rights from Lethal. Booker comes back with some knees to the head. Chop, and right. Irish whip to the corner, but Lethal floats over. Lethal charges in, and Booker scores an elbow. Booker runs at Lethal and gets a WALKER. WALKER over the top rope and out to the floor. Lethal goes for a baseball slide, but Booker rolls away. Booker then hammers away with right hands on Lethal. Booker tries to Irish whip Booker into the ringpost, but Lethal reverses and sends Booker in. Lethal sends Booker into the crowd barrier, then into the ring. Lethal springboards in and hits a missile dropkick. Lethal goes up top, but Sharmell gets on the apron and distracts Lethal. Lethal jumps off, and Booker hits a heel kick. Booker gets two, before chopping Lethal in the corner until he falls to the mat. Booker pulls Lethal around the ring. Lethal hits blows to the guts of Booker, until he gets cut off with knees to the head. Booker goes for a heel kick, but Lethal dodges it and hits right jabs. Booker comes back with a rake of the eyes. Lethal falls, and Booker hits mounted rights. Two count, and then a keylock. Lethal fights up and hits right and a knee to the gut. Lethal goes to whip Booker off, but he catches a heel kick. Booker syas Axe Kick. Lethal dodges it and hits some chops. Lethal goes for a back suplex, but Lethal flips out of it and hits two WALKER’S. Chops, but Booker comes back with a kick to the gut. Booker whips Lethal and goes for a hip toss, but Lethal counters into his own. Cartwheel dropkick. Booker had no idea what to do here, it looked bad. Sharmell distracts Lethal, Axe Kick.
Winner: Booker T
Rating: ***
Comments: Very good match. lol @ Booker not knowing Lethal's offense.
The Beautiful People and ‘Cute’ Kip are backstage. Rhino stuck his horn in their business. lulz. Angelina has a pimple. Velvet says that Lauren is an idiothole. I rofl’d at this point.
AD BREAK
‘Cute’ Kip and Velvet Sky vs Taylor Wilde and Rhino
Sky and Wilde start off, and Sky immediately takes Wilde down, and starts with some mounted punches. Both women get up. Snapmare and arm drags from Wilde. In comes Rhino and Kip. Headlock from Rhino, then a shoulder tackle. Rhino goes for a clothesline, but Kip ducks. Rhino then hits chops and rights. Rhino goes for the Gore, but Kip dodges. Kip sprays stuff in Rhino’s eyes, and Kip hits an elbow for two. Sky gets tagged in and chokes Rhino. She then chokes away on him. Right from Kip on the outside. Sky tags him back in. He chokes Rhino, continuing the boring offense. Kick to the gut from Kip, then a measured right. Kip sets Rhino up in the corner, then taunts. He charges at Rhino and goes for a stinger splash, which Rhino avoids. Kip hits the turnbuckle, and both men are down. Double tag. Dropkicks from Wilde. Northern lights suplex for two. Rhino Gores Kip. Love runs down to ringside and hands Sky a steel pipe. Wilde ducks it, kicks Sky in the gut, then gets her in some sort of roll up for the three.
Winners: Taylor Wilde and Rhino
Rating: **
Comments: Twas alright.
The Beautiful People and Kip get revenge afterwards, and beat down their opponents! Fame-ass-er on Rhino. BROWN PAPER BAG OF DEATH! NO! NO! Taylor makes the save by double clotheslining the Beautiful People. Kip and Taylor get in each other’s faces, when Kong’s music hits. She walks down the ramp, and Taylor jumps onto her with a cross body.
AD BREAK
We come back, and Rhino and Taylor get the BROWN PAPER BAGS OF DEATH! I guess we’re getting Kong vs Wilde at Bound For Glory.
Jeff Jarrett hype.
AD BREAK
Jarrett time. Awesome. Welcome back chant, which is a nice touch. Jarrett tells the crowd he is the founder of TNA wrestling. We get a TNA chant. Jarrett puts over the young guys, saying he made TNA for the young guys to get a break. Jarrett puts over the fans. Jarrett calls Sting out. Here we go. Jarrett tells Sting daddy gave Sting his chance. He then says he has been listening to Sting, and he says he’s full of shit. Jarrett puts AJ and Joe over. He tells Sting it isn’t about disrespect. It’s the same thing as WCW. The old guys are being selfish. Jarrett tells Sting he takes, takes, takes. Jarrett says newsflash: this isn’t WCW, it’s TNA. Here comes Kurt Angle. Angle says that Jarrett is talking about him behind his back. Jarrett tells Angle to hold up a second. He says Angle was meant to take over from him when he walked away two years ago. Jarrett then tells us it’s his worst ever mistake. Angle has lost everything! All he has left to lose is his dignity. Angle disrespects Jarrett, and tells him he’s expired. Jarrett has no heart. Angle is a younger better version of Jeff Jarrett apparently. Wow. I never thought he’d say that. Angle says he did all of the work for TNA. Jarrett and the fans are assholes. Rolled son! Angle challenges Jeff for Bound For Glory. Jarrett says he came in as the founder of TNA. He has nothing left to prove. Angle tells Kurt to GTFO. Jarrett points to the tron, and there’s Foley. It’s real, it’s damn real says Mick. And we’re done.
Overall Thoughts: Decent iMPACT!, although the build up to Bound For Glory seems odd. Joe and Sting didn’t even go face to face. That’s not good. It was just announced they would go one on one last Sunday, why wouldn’t they go face to face tonight? Stupid, stupid booking there, IMO. The show was solid though, and I enjoyed the wrestling. Good show all in all.
Alright kiddies, you know the drill. Check out Soulpower’s Raw review, and whatever that guy named Kaedon writes. That’s me done for another week. kthnxbai
We start off this week’s episode with a No Surrender recap. Looked kinda screwy.
Mike Tenay and DW run down the card for tonight, which I don’t really pay attention to.
Here comes Joe, to begin the show. Joe gets a small chant going before he starts mouthing off. Surprised. Joe craps on about how everyone is great, and about how he’s a face. Oh wait, Sting isn’t great. He’s at home in his estate. It’s probably right. Sting does shit all. Joe speaks the truth, this is practically a shoot. Joe mocks Sting, and tells him to kiss his ass. That’s one mighty big ass. End promo.
JB was on the scene for Jeff Jarrett’s arrival! Jarrett tells Sting he hopes he listens, because he has something to say.
AD BREAK
DW and Tenay flap their jaws about. And go through the iMPACT! line up again, until Angle comes out and interrupts. Thank God. Angle isn’t happy. He tells AJ he’s going to kick his ass, after telling Jarrett to get stuffed. Angle is NOT AMUSED~!
Motor City Machine Guns vs AJ Styles and Christian Cage
Sabin and Styles open up with some rasslin. AJ takes over with the arm of Sabin. Sabin comes back, but AJ then tries to set up his dropkick. Sabin though springboards off the ropes and hits an arm drag. AJ then hits the dropkick, and tags in Cage. Poetry in motion from Styles/Cage, then a corkscrew elbow from the second rope for two. Sabin gets to his corner, and tags in Shelley. Shelley takes over with kicks, then a springboard crossbody for two. Cage then gets up, and hits a gut buster. Shelley makes it across to Sabin, and tags him in. Sabin then hits corner big boot, before setting Cage up in the tree of woe. Tag to Shelley. Baseball slide to the head of Cage, and a hesitation dropkick. Shelley then hits a slingshot elbow. Two count. Shelley tags in Sabin, and they go for the double team. Cage fights out, and hits an inverted DDT. Cage then tags in AJ. AJ comes in with a double dropkick. He then takes over on both men, until he locks in an armbar on Sabin. Shelley kicks him in the side of the head. Shelley clothesline AJ over the top rope. Cage goes to the top rope and hits the Frog Splash on Sabin. Cage sends Shelley out to the floor. A and Sabin go into the ring, and Sabin goes for the Cradle Shot. AJ counters out, and scores the Styles Clash ftw.
Winners: AJ Styles and Christian Cage
Rating: **
Comments: Nice opener
Shelley and Sabin shake AJ’s hand. Cage then shakes Sabin’s hand, when Shelley tells him to get fucked, more or less. Basically, he flips him off. Sabin does the same. Cage gets pissed off, and AJ separates them. I guess the Guns are joining Joe, AJ and Jarrett.
JB is backstage with Booker T. I was distracted by Booker sounding African, not English. This was terrible. All we needed was him to yell JIMMY RAVE and this was Prince Nana circa 2005.
AD BREAK
TNA have renamed the Terror Dome. It’s now the Asylum. It will be at Bound For Glory. I can’t say I care. I’d much rather see an Ultimate X match.
Sheik Abdul Bashir is backstage. He talks in a different language for most of it, so I don’t listen.
Six Man Tag
Petey Williams, Johnny Devine and Jimmy Rave w/ Lance Rock and two hos vs The Super Queeros
If Rave jobs again (which seems likely), I riot. Williams starts out with Boy (of the Shark variety). They wrestle until Williams gets a corner clothesline. Williams then runs off, and comes back to catch a Lou Boy Press. Right hands. Forearm drop. Tag to Man (of the Curry variety). Two count. Man hits jabs on Petey. Williams comes back, and the heels take over. Man goes out to the apron, and gets an STO from Rave. Williams jumps over the top rope and gets a hurrancanrana. A billion on one on the floor. We move back in the ring, and Devine becomes legal. Snap suplex, corner knee, running knee. Two. Devine gets a fireman’s carry, and Man struggles around. Man fights through the heels though, and gets a death valley driver connected on Devine. Eric (of the not so super variety) comes in and cleans house. Everyone leaves the ring except Man and Williams. Canadian legsweep. Williams sets up for the Canadian Destroyer, but Rave and Devine accidently double clothesline Williams. Cross body from Eric. Three.
Winners: Super Queeros
Rating: **
Comments: Gay
Rave and Devine blame Williams, and throw the referee out of the way. Rock comes in and slams the referee down. The heels fight among one another. The referee and Petey Williams then clean house.
JB is up in the rafters with Sting. Shit he’s quick. Sting says he will listen to Jarrett. Cool.
AD BREAK
There’s some Morgan hype. His DNA is going into space. Not that anyone gives a fuck.
Matt Morgan and Abyss are backstage. Abyss admits he was wrong. Abyss laughs and pulls his hair. He gives some to Morgan. Yummy yummy in his tummy. Morgan says screw Abyss’ therapist. ROFL. Screw the-rapist. God I’m creative. Team 3D run in and have a sook after Morgan says they’ll be in a tag tourney at Bound For Glory. Ray has a cry.
We see Jackie headed to the LAX zone. ZOMG!
AD BREAK
We’re back, and Jackie slaps Hector at ringside. Again. pwnt2u Hector. Beer Money Inc then come out and beat down Hector. They send Hector into the ring and beat him down. LAX runs in. What a stupid segment, as Beer Money run. Traci has the mic and she tells Hector and Jackie to go to Cornette. Uh oh!
Roxxi hype.
Sting is coming down from the rafters. Joe is in his locker room.
AD BREAK
Jackie and Hector won’t STFU. Traci tells them to STFU. They do it. Cornette says well done. Traci makes a Six Man Tag Match for next week. LAX w/ Hector vs Beer Money Inc w/ Jackie. Loser loses their manager forever. Oh God, I hope it’s a double count out.
Sting hype.
Sting tells Joe he’s immature. Joe is just a pre-pubescent little boy, dammit! Sting says he has already paid his dues. You’re doing shit all for TNA though. Joe is right, so STFU and move on old man. Sting calls Joe disrespectful, and again shows how old he is. Sting craps on about how good Bound For Glory is. And we’re done with the Stinger. CAPTIVATING (ntrly)~!
AD BREAK
Knockout’s hype.
Cage and AJ are backstage with JB. This promo indicates that Cage will turn heel on AJ. Cage tells AJ he is better than him. pwnt2u
AD BREAK
Lauren is backstage with Jay Lethal. They are acting shocked that Val turned on Lethal. Like it was a surprise. Jay Lethal said he was screwed by Val at No Surrender. FREE PORN! Lethal then says he stalks Randy Savage. Cool.
Booker T vs Jay Lethal
Jay Lethal is NOT AMUSED! He gets in Booker’s face. Booker shoves Lethal. Rights from Lethal. Booker comes back with some knees to the head. Chop, and right. Irish whip to the corner, but Lethal floats over. Lethal charges in, and Booker scores an elbow. Booker runs at Lethal and gets a WALKER. WALKER over the top rope and out to the floor. Lethal goes for a baseball slide, but Booker rolls away. Booker then hammers away with right hands on Lethal. Booker tries to Irish whip Booker into the ringpost, but Lethal reverses and sends Booker in. Lethal sends Booker into the crowd barrier, then into the ring. Lethal springboards in and hits a missile dropkick. Lethal goes up top, but Sharmell gets on the apron and distracts Lethal. Lethal jumps off, and Booker hits a heel kick. Booker gets two, before chopping Lethal in the corner until he falls to the mat. Booker pulls Lethal around the ring. Lethal hits blows to the guts of Booker, until he gets cut off with knees to the head. Booker goes for a heel kick, but Lethal dodges it and hits right jabs. Booker comes back with a rake of the eyes. Lethal falls, and Booker hits mounted rights. Two count, and then a keylock. Lethal fights up and hits right and a knee to the gut. Lethal goes to whip Booker off, but he catches a heel kick. Booker syas Axe Kick. Lethal dodges it and hits some chops. Lethal goes for a back suplex, but Lethal flips out of it and hits two WALKER’S. Chops, but Booker comes back with a kick to the gut. Booker whips Lethal and goes for a hip toss, but Lethal counters into his own. Cartwheel dropkick. Booker had no idea what to do here, it looked bad. Sharmell distracts Lethal, Axe Kick.
Winner: Booker T
Rating: ***
Comments: Very good match. lol @ Booker not knowing Lethal's offense.
The Beautiful People and ‘Cute’ Kip are backstage. Rhino stuck his horn in their business. lulz. Angelina has a pimple. Velvet says that Lauren is an idiothole. I rofl’d at this point.
AD BREAK
‘Cute’ Kip and Velvet Sky vs Taylor Wilde and Rhino
Sky and Wilde start off, and Sky immediately takes Wilde down, and starts with some mounted punches. Both women get up. Snapmare and arm drags from Wilde. In comes Rhino and Kip. Headlock from Rhino, then a shoulder tackle. Rhino goes for a clothesline, but Kip ducks. Rhino then hits chops and rights. Rhino goes for the Gore, but Kip dodges. Kip sprays stuff in Rhino’s eyes, and Kip hits an elbow for two. Sky gets tagged in and chokes Rhino. She then chokes away on him. Right from Kip on the outside. Sky tags him back in. He chokes Rhino, continuing the boring offense. Kick to the gut from Kip, then a measured right. Kip sets Rhino up in the corner, then taunts. He charges at Rhino and goes for a stinger splash, which Rhino avoids. Kip hits the turnbuckle, and both men are down. Double tag. Dropkicks from Wilde. Northern lights suplex for two. Rhino Gores Kip. Love runs down to ringside and hands Sky a steel pipe. Wilde ducks it, kicks Sky in the gut, then gets her in some sort of roll up for the three.
Winners: Taylor Wilde and Rhino
Rating: **
Comments: Twas alright.
The Beautiful People and Kip get revenge afterwards, and beat down their opponents! Fame-ass-er on Rhino. BROWN PAPER BAG OF DEATH! NO! NO! Taylor makes the save by double clotheslining the Beautiful People. Kip and Taylor get in each other’s faces, when Kong’s music hits. She walks down the ramp, and Taylor jumps onto her with a cross body.
AD BREAK
We come back, and Rhino and Taylor get the BROWN PAPER BAGS OF DEATH! I guess we’re getting Kong vs Wilde at Bound For Glory.
Jeff Jarrett hype.
AD BREAK
Jarrett time. Awesome. Welcome back chant, which is a nice touch. Jarrett tells the crowd he is the founder of TNA wrestling. We get a TNA chant. Jarrett puts over the young guys, saying he made TNA for the young guys to get a break. Jarrett puts over the fans. Jarrett calls Sting out. Here we go. Jarrett tells Sting daddy gave Sting his chance. He then says he has been listening to Sting, and he says he’s full of shit. Jarrett puts AJ and Joe over. He tells Sting it isn’t about disrespect. It’s the same thing as WCW. The old guys are being selfish. Jarrett tells Sting he takes, takes, takes. Jarrett says newsflash: this isn’t WCW, it’s TNA. Here comes Kurt Angle. Angle says that Jarrett is talking about him behind his back. Jarrett tells Angle to hold up a second. He says Angle was meant to take over from him when he walked away two years ago. Jarrett then tells us it’s his worst ever mistake. Angle has lost everything! All he has left to lose is his dignity. Angle disrespects Jarrett, and tells him he’s expired. Jarrett has no heart. Angle is a younger better version of Jeff Jarrett apparently. Wow. I never thought he’d say that. Angle says he did all of the work for TNA. Jarrett and the fans are assholes. Rolled son! Angle challenges Jeff for Bound For Glory. Jarrett says he came in as the founder of TNA. He has nothing left to prove. Angle tells Kurt to GTFO. Jarrett points to the tron, and there’s Foley. It’s real, it’s damn real says Mick. And we’re done.
Overall Thoughts: Decent iMPACT!, although the build up to Bound For Glory seems odd. Joe and Sting didn’t even go face to face. That’s not good. It was just announced they would go one on one last Sunday, why wouldn’t they go face to face tonight? Stupid, stupid booking there, IMO. The show was solid though, and I enjoyed the wrestling. Good show all in all.
Alright kiddies, you know the drill. Check out Soulpower’s Raw review, and whatever that guy named Kaedon writes. That’s me done for another week. kthnxbai
