The John Report: The WWE Raw Deal for 05/16/11 (Cena/Swagger)
I wrote this live tonight. Enjoy.
The John Report: WWE Raw Deal for 05/16/11 – LIVE!
By John Canton
Follow me on Twitter at @johnreport
Live from San Antonio, Texas (cue the HBK theme music!) this is the Raw Deal…
We get the usual Raw intro song with Nickelback. I live in Canada. They are on the radio even more than they are in the US and around the world. Trust me I hate them more than you. Josh Mathews welcomes us to the show. Cue John Cena’s music. Jerry Lawler reacts to him like it’s the first time he’s seen Cena before. He does that every week. Michael Cole is announcing as well.
Before Cena can speak, Alex Riley comes out, says we’ve heard Cena say the same things many times and instead why don’t you look at this? It’s a video of all the attacks The Miz has done against Cena.
The Miz comes out in a suit. He walks to the ring with Riley, who cuts the same Miz related promo we’ve been hearing for months. He also throws in a shot against the San Antonio Spurs, which draws huge heel heat. “Alex Riley, you are as stupid as you are useless,” says Cena. John goes on to rip Miz and says things that The Miz will never say like “I’m the Miz and I have testicles.” That’s a reference to Riley saying Miz won’t say “I Quit” during the I Quit title match on Sunday.
Cena puts over Miz, saying he’s gone from laughingstock to champion and he respects that. He says he sees fear in the eyes of The Miz. He says Miz is wondering if he will say I Quit before he gets hurt. After Over The Limit he’ll be saying “I’m The Miz and I Quit.” Maybe he can wrap him up in duct tape like he did to Batista. The GM has sent an email to Michael Cole. Huge heel heat for that like always. The GM says that Miz can name the match and opponent for Cena tonight just as long as Miz and Riley aren’t involved. The Miz says he doesn’t know the match or the opponent yet. All he knows is that it’s going to be…awesome. So he books this show on the fly like the booking team!
That was a solid opening 10 minutes. I liked Cena’s promo. It was effective because he was serious and he kept the silliness to a minimum. He put over the physicality of the I Quit match and his experience in those kinds of matches. It worked for me. Not announcing the match or stip is a good cliffhanger to keep people watching.
(Commercial)
I get asked to plug stuff all the time. Since I’m in a commercial break doing this live, I thought I’d post this. This is from TJR reader TKO. It’s a rap against John Cena. He tells me he’s not a huge Cena hater. It was more for a laugh. It’s pretty good, so I figured I’d share it. Enjoy.
That was pretty good. Post in the comments on the video. Let him know what you think. Tell him TJR sent ya.
Back from break they plugged something on WWE.com about trash talkers. I don’t visit that site except when they have a Natalya photoshoot.
Kofi Kingston vs. CM Punk
This should be a good match if they get time, but it’s Raw, so you never know if that will happen. They put over the Nexus group although they have been awful in terms of success and I doubt any fan would consider the group successful. The story is Punk is going to lead by example. Punk has control early, then he goes to the top and Kofi kicks him down. Crossbody for two by Kingston followed by a clothesline that was mistimed a bit. Punk avoids Trouble In Paradise, he goes for the GTS, Kofi gets out of it. He goes after him with a kick, hits his head on the turnbuckle and Punk capitalizes with the Go To Sleep for the win. Match was about four minutes.
Winner: CM Punk
Analysis: *1/2 Two good workers, but they didn’t have enough time to have a great match. The US Champion loses and nobody even remembers that he has that belt.
Punk says that’s leadership by example and he’s doing things his way. He says he won’t stop until The Nexus as a group is the most dominant force that the WWE Universe has ever seen. This could be the start of a big push. I’m not sure. I hope so. Hopefully Punk signed his contract extension and he gets pushed to the top. He deserves it.
Backstage, The Miz is talking to Vickie Guerrero & Dolph Ziggler (who is in a suit) about possibly being a Cena opponent.
Coming up later is a Cole-Lawler contract signing.
(Commercial)
The video for the Christian-Orton match at the PPV is great. I want to see heel Christian. Hopefully they get nearly 20 minutes like they did the first time they had a title match.
Back from break, the Slam of the Week shows Kharma destroying Eve last week. I cheered loudly for this.
Kelly Kelly comes out smiling. I guess she didn’t see what video package they just showed? Brie Bella comes out with Nikki. I guess Brie is wrestling.
Kelly Kelly vs. Brie Bella
Josh Mathews puts over the Bellas talking trash on Twitter and Cole says he has no life because he follows the Bellas on Twitter. I agree with Cole for that. A minute into the match, Kelly does her babyface comeback including the headscissors and bulldog. Kelly pinned her using her feet to hold her shoulders down. Match went about 90 seconds.
Winner: Kelly Kelly
Analysis: DUD Poor wrestling. No heat.
Post match, the twins attack Kelly and slam her head in the mat. Cue Kharma. The crowd cheers the entrance. So do I. Kharma only looks at Kelly the whole time as the Bellas are about to leave. Then one of the Bellas attacks Kharma like an idiot. She shoves her down and the other Bella jumps into her arms. Kharma slams her down. There’s the Implant Buster on one of the Bellas as the other one leaves. They should call that move Kharmageddon. I’m not going to claim that I invented it, but a reader of mine did and I like it. She walks up to Kelly, props her up in the corner and gently flicks her in the head. She walks away laughing. Not sure where they are going with this. I’m just glad that she attacked the Bellas. I like how they are using Kharma. It’s different. It’s fresh.
Backstage, the camera shows The Miz talking to Big Show. We don’t hear anything they are saying, but the announcers put it over as Miz trying to recruit him.
(Commercial)
They show the story of the WWE Films movie “That’s What I Am” with the actors talking about the premise of the movie. Ed Harris has a creepy smile.
It’s Booyaka time with Rey Mysterio. He comes to the ring to a good pop. They show R-Truth attacking Mysterio last week with Cole putting over R-Truth’s conspiracy theory. Mysterio mixes in some Spanish for the Texas fans. Mysterio talks about how Truth has been whining and complaining, but Rey’s not like him. He calls him out to face him like a man. He wants to talk to Truth face to face. They go to commercial before he comes out. That was a short segment right there. I guess we’ll see Truth after the break.
(Commercial)
Back from break, it’s Alberto Del Rio’s theme music. He comes out in his wrestling gear while a ref is in the ring. Del Rio says Mysterio cost him the match last week. He says that he doesn’t belong in the ring with him. Del Rio rips on the people as well, saying he’s a true Mexican unlike them. They start speaking Spanish to eachother. Rey says he’s proud to be a Chicano and proud to be an American as well. He says if R-Truth isn’t going to come out there then he has no problem shutting Del Rio’s mouth right now. We have a match.
Alberto Del Rio vs. Rey Mysterio
They always have good matches. A few months ago on Smackdown they had their “last” match yet here they are on Raw having matches regularly again. I guess the stipulation didn’t carry over with the draft. Great armbreaker on Mysterio off the top. Two minutes into the match we go to commercial.
(Commercial)
They come back from break to show Rey selling the arm while Del Rio takes control with a clothesline. The San Antonio crowd is very hot, chanting “TWO!” for every two count. That reminds me of the shows in Toronto that I’ve been to many times over the years where we helped to make those chants popular. Del Rio continues to work on the left arm of Mysterio as we’ve reached the 10pmET hour to signify the midway point of the show. With Rey starting to mount his comeback, R-Truth’s voice was heard from the crowd and Rey hit a crossbody for a two count. He hits a Thesz Press off the top, the headscissors and then the 619 is blocked by Ricardo Rodriguez. The ref DQ’s Del Rio. Post match, he shoves Rey into the pole. Del Rio climbs to the top and lands a Senton splash off the top. The ref prevents him from doing more. The match went about 11 minutes with 8 minutes of it actually airing.
Winner: Rey Mysterio via DQ
Analysis: ** It was solid work as usual, but it was too short and the lack of a finish prevented it from being better.
After Del Rio leaves the ring with the ref, R-Truth jumps Rey from behind and drops him with the Payback move that still needs a name for him. You can hear a fan yell: “You’re a cheater and that’s the truth.” Way to tell him, fan.
Truth cuts a promo saying nobody challenges him. He says that after this Sunday “you’re going to get got” to Mysterio. He stomped him one more time before leaving. I guess they have a match at Sunday’s poorly promoted Over The Limit PPV. Now we know. The camera shows Mysterio selling the beating.
Backstage, Miz is shown talking to Punk and Mason Ryan.
Up next, Cole & Lawler contract signing.
(Commercial)
They plug the WrestleMania 27 DVD. I was there live. It was fine, but not great. The Hall of Fame speeches were okay with Triple H’s intro of Shawn Michaels being the funniest part. I doubt I’ll get the DVD, though.
Time to make this recap a little prettier. This past weekend I spent a few days with my good friend Mickie James at the Motor City Comic Con outside of Detroit where I was with her selling merchandise at her table. We had a great time. I met a few TJR readers too. I also got to meet former WWE Diva and Playboy model Torrie Wilson and TNA’s Cookie. Torrie’s a really nice person who was as pretty as any woman I’ve ever seen. She looks as good as ever. Cookie’s one of the loudest people I’ve ever met, but she’s a lot of fun. Of course most of my time was spent with Mickie, who I’ve become great friends with over the last year. I run her website mickiejames.com and work with her on a daily basis. And if you didn’t know what I look like, click on those links because now you know. I don’t mind posting pics when I’m surrounded with beautiful women. Yes, I realized that earned me some massive heel heat. Heel turn 2011 is coming! Haha.
Back from break it’s contract signing time. There’s a table in the ring along with two chairs. Cole & Swagger are on one side while Lawler is on the other side.
Cole makes Lawler reiterate the stipulation from last week. If Cole wins Lawler will give him his Hall of Fame ring and personally induct him into the Hall of Fame one day. Cole says that Lawler didn’t read the fine print on page two. He says that the stipulation is that this will be a Kiss My Foot match. Oh God, not the gimmicked foot again. That was such an awful segment with the knighting of Cole. They show a recap of Swagger forcing Ross to kiss Cole’s gimmicked foot.
Back to the ring, Cole says JR is the first man in history to kiss Vince McMahon’s ass and Cole’s foot. He wanted Lawler to be comfortable because he has experience in a Kiss My Foot match. They show a clip of Bret Hart vs. Jerry Lawler at the 1995 King of the Ring when Bret Hart won a Kiss My Foot match. Back then Lawler had the dirty foot as the heel. They show when Hart made Lawler kiss his own foot. Can I make Bret Hart the star of the night for showing a clip of him from 16 years ago?
Cole whips out his “Athlete’s Foot” that is disgusting to look at. I’m sure the makeup lady loved doing that job. Lawler says that was Bret Hart and Cole isn’t even close to that level. Lawler says Cole even isn’t like Swagger, who is a former World Champion. He says Cole has taken a former World Champion and made him into a lowly sidekick. Cole says nobody remembers a World Champion. He says some people say that being Cole’s sidekick may be the best thing of Swagger’s career. Swagger bumps his chest into Cole’s back. He says he’s no one’s sidekick, says “he’s all yours, King.” Then he says “good luck Sunday” and walks away.
With Swagger gone, Cole sucks up to Lawler, saying they have worked together for 14 years. Lawler grabs him by the tie, puts him face first on the table, tells him he’s going to shut Cole’s mouth with his own foot and flips the table back so Cole is down face first. They show Cole crying to end the segment.
If the whole point of this Cole-Lawler feud is to turn Swagger babyface than it will be worth it. Otherwise it’s been dragged out way too long for three PPVs and a lot of lame segments. This one dragged too. I’m ready for this feud to end. Please let it be the end on Sunday.
Backstage, they show The Miz talking to Kane about taking out John Cena. Show and Kane walk to the ring for the next match.
(Commercial)
Back in the arena, Cole is still in his Cole Mine while Lawler laughs at him. Cole’s sad, mentioning that he’s not really an athlete. Big Show and Kane come out. It’s not a title match apparently.
They’ve added Kane & Big Show vs. CM Punk & Mason for the Tag Team Titles at Over The Limit on Sunday.
Big Show & Kane vs. David Otunga & Michael McGillicutty
Double M gets a bit of offense on Show, but he shoves him off. Otunga actually puts Show down with a few kicks. That’s about all the offense he knows. Double M keeps him down, working down on the knees. Yes, Big Show is your babyface in peril. He finally gets there as Kane comes in throwing right hands. He hits a side suplex on McGillicutty for two. Top rope clothesline by Kane. Mason Ryan goes into the ring, then he walks right out. On the floor, Show gives Ryan a shoulder tackle to keep him down. Punk knees Kane in the back of the head and McGillicutty hits a swinging neckbreaker for the pin. What? A swinging neckbreaker beats Kane? Match was four minutes.
Winners: David Otunga & Michael McGillicutty
Analysis: * The effort was there. The finish worked for putting over the upset and showing that the Nexus group has momentum again. I don’t see a tag title change at the PPV, though.
If you’re keeping track that’s a loss for Kane & Big Show, Kofi Kingston and Brie Bella. Three champs all lost non-title matches on this show. Titles are worthless. But you already knew that.
(Commercial)
I’ll be writing a lot this week and through the month. I posted another Q&A earlier on Monday, you’re getting the Raw Deal right now, on Thursday I’ll post the preview for Over The Limit and on Sunday I’ll write about Over The Limit live. I’m also hoping to write a column at some point about TNA and how they changed the name of their Thursday show to Impact Wrestling. I have other stuff on the horizon too. Work is slowing down for me, TJR is picking up thanks to some advertisers (don’t worry there will never be intrusive ads) so I’ll be able to devote more time to it. That’s what I want.
Back from break, they plug the WWE All-Stars video game with a clip of The Rock vs. John Cena. I love how Lawler plugs the WWE All-Stars game like he’s played it. That’s believable to the kids out there.
The rundown for Over The Limit on PPV Sunday:
- Lawler vs. Cole in a Kiss My Foot match
- Orton vs. Christian for the World Title
- R-Truth vs. Rey Mysterio
- Cena vs. Miz for the WWE Title in an “I Quit” match
We also know about Kane & Show vs. Punk & Ryan. There’s also Wade Barrett vs. Ezekiel Jackson for the IC Title. I think that’s all we know at this point. I’ll have the preview up on Thursday most likely.
Backstage, Big Show and Kane say that they won’t lose the belts. Kane says that Sunday will be CM Punk’s and the new Nexus’ annihilation.
Backstage, Cena’s walking to the ring and there’s Zack Ryder to give him a t-shirt as he’s talking to the WWE.com guys. He told Cena to spike his hair. The internet wrestling fans just creamed themselves! Me? I wonder why they don’t use Zack in actual matches.
We are to assume that Cena’s match is up next.
(Commercial)
Back from break, The Miz comes out to announce that Cena will be competing in a No Holds Barred match. The opponent? Jack Swagger apparently. He attacks Cena from behind while they’re on the ramp. It’s 10:49pmET as this is about to start.
Jack Swagger vs. John Cena in a No Holds Barred match
Swagger’s all over him to begin with Cena struggling to even get his Fruity Pebble red t-shirt off. I’m disappointed that it’s Swagger because I want him to be a babyface, but I guess it doesn’t matter that he works as a heel here. What matters is that at the PPV he attacks Cole to get the turn. The crowd is doing the “Let’s Go Cena – Cena Sucks” chants. Along with the “TWO” chants that makes this San Antonio crowd a great one in my opinion. Swagger hits the splash in the corner for two as we go to break. They go to commercial three minutes in.
(Commercial)
We come back to the action to see that Swagger’s still in control. He throws Cena into the railing. Then he attempts to pin him. They showed a clip of Jack using the laptop computer to attack Cena. Why do they need the computer if Cole uses his iPad? Oh well. My fault for asking questions. I stopped asking the Riley ones. By the way, if it was me and I wanted to weaken my opponent on Sunday I’d book a 20 on 1 No Holds Barred match instead of a singles match. That’s just me, though. Swagger puts a chair on Cena’s chest, takes forever to taunt, then hits his corner splash onto the chair. We’ve barely seen Cena on offense in this ten minute match. Here it comes now, he’s Incredible Hulking up. Swagger hits a sloppy side slam that puts Cena right on his shoulder. Ankle lock by Swagger even though he didn’t work on the foot at all. Cena rolls through. Cena gets up, Swagger charges in and John moves so that Swagger’s face goes right into the chair. No chairshots to the head are allowed, but he crashed right into it with a lot of force. Now Cena is Incredible Hulking up with the shoulderblocks and side suplex followed by the Five Knuckle Shuffle. He hits the Attitude Adjustment on Swagger. He puts him in the STF. Swagger taps. Match ends at 11 minutes.
Winner: John Cena
Anaylsis: ** It was alright. Swagger’s offense was good and Cena really only did a comeback for a minute. I’m not sure why it needed to be No Holds Barred since they only did the chair, the guardrail and the computer. Cena didn’t even use any weapon.
The Miz cut a promo after the match about the ways that the I Quit match could end. He grabbed the crane camera and rammed it into the stage saying he could do that to Cena. What about when Orton tried to explode him on the fireworks? That was fun. He sends Riley under the ring to find something useful. He finds a steel pipe. Then he walks into the ring to say that he won’t even do those things. He has other conniving ways to it because he’s found a way that you have never ever seen before. You mean like duct tape? Miz guarantees all of us that after the match at Over The Limit he will be declared the new WWE Champion. He says Cena’s looking at him like he doesn’t believe a word he’s saying. He attacks with the pipe to the ribs just as Riley goes after him on the other side. Super Cena recovers with the pipe on Miz and then uses punches to knock them both out of the ring.
Cena does a very intense promo saying he needs to bring his million ways to beat him and a million more. Then he tells Miz that on Sunday he’ll say the words: “I Quit!” Cole ended the show doing the hard sell for that match and ended it by saying he knows Lawler will be kissing his foot.
It was a fine promo by Miz. Does anybody really believe he’s going to win? I don’t think so.
Three Stars of the Show
1. CM Punk – Let’s hope this is the start of a serious push.
2. John Cena – Yep. I liked his promo. He did a decent job in the match with Swagger too.
3. Kharma – I like her. Don’t like the Bellas. Easy pick.
5 out of 10
Last week: 4
2011 High Score: 9.1 (March 28)
2011 Low Score: 4 (Jan. 10)
2011 Average: 5.93
Last 5 Weeks: 5, 5, 7, 4, 5
A very average Raw. This PPV is not going to attract a lot of people. They did a poor job of advertising it and creating fresh matches because they really only devoted two weeks of hype to it due to the Rockcentric episode a couple of weeks back. They’ve done Cena-Miz in various forms many times, Cole-Lawler needs to be stopped and they moved Del Rio over to Raw to give him…absolutely nothing in terms of a feud. What the hell? The growth of R-Truth has been the best thing in the last month. Other than that things are so stagnant in WWE land.
That wraps up this week’s Raw. I enjoyed doing it live. It allows me to sleep at a regular time and write other stuff on a Tuesday instead of the Raw Deal. Like I touched on earlier, I’ll be back at thejohnreport.net throughout the week with more columns along with the always excellent TJR staff.
Thanks for reading.
John Canton – john@thejohnreport.net
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I wrote this live tonight. Enjoy.
The John Report: WWE Raw Deal for 05/16/11 – LIVE!
By John Canton
Follow me on Twitter at @johnreport
Live from San Antonio, Texas (cue the HBK theme music!) this is the Raw Deal…
We get the usual Raw intro song with Nickelback. I live in Canada. They are on the radio even more than they are in the US and around the world. Trust me I hate them more than you. Josh Mathews welcomes us to the show. Cue John Cena’s music. Jerry Lawler reacts to him like it’s the first time he’s seen Cena before. He does that every week. Michael Cole is announcing as well.
Before Cena can speak, Alex Riley comes out, says we’ve heard Cena say the same things many times and instead why don’t you look at this? It’s a video of all the attacks The Miz has done against Cena.
The Miz comes out in a suit. He walks to the ring with Riley, who cuts the same Miz related promo we’ve been hearing for months. He also throws in a shot against the San Antonio Spurs, which draws huge heel heat. “Alex Riley, you are as stupid as you are useless,” says Cena. John goes on to rip Miz and says things that The Miz will never say like “I’m the Miz and I have testicles.” That’s a reference to Riley saying Miz won’t say “I Quit” during the I Quit title match on Sunday.
Cena puts over Miz, saying he’s gone from laughingstock to champion and he respects that. He says he sees fear in the eyes of The Miz. He says Miz is wondering if he will say I Quit before he gets hurt. After Over The Limit he’ll be saying “I’m The Miz and I Quit.” Maybe he can wrap him up in duct tape like he did to Batista. The GM has sent an email to Michael Cole. Huge heel heat for that like always. The GM says that Miz can name the match and opponent for Cena tonight just as long as Miz and Riley aren’t involved. The Miz says he doesn’t know the match or the opponent yet. All he knows is that it’s going to be…awesome. So he books this show on the fly like the booking team!
That was a solid opening 10 minutes. I liked Cena’s promo. It was effective because he was serious and he kept the silliness to a minimum. He put over the physicality of the I Quit match and his experience in those kinds of matches. It worked for me. Not announcing the match or stip is a good cliffhanger to keep people watching.
(Commercial)
I get asked to plug stuff all the time. Since I’m in a commercial break doing this live, I thought I’d post this. This is from TJR reader TKO. It’s a rap against John Cena. He tells me he’s not a huge Cena hater. It was more for a laugh. It’s pretty good, so I figured I’d share it. Enjoy.
That was pretty good. Post in the comments on the video. Let him know what you think. Tell him TJR sent ya.
Back from break they plugged something on WWE.com about trash talkers. I don’t visit that site except when they have a Natalya photoshoot.
Kofi Kingston vs. CM Punk
This should be a good match if they get time, but it’s Raw, so you never know if that will happen. They put over the Nexus group although they have been awful in terms of success and I doubt any fan would consider the group successful. The story is Punk is going to lead by example. Punk has control early, then he goes to the top and Kofi kicks him down. Crossbody for two by Kingston followed by a clothesline that was mistimed a bit. Punk avoids Trouble In Paradise, he goes for the GTS, Kofi gets out of it. He goes after him with a kick, hits his head on the turnbuckle and Punk capitalizes with the Go To Sleep for the win. Match was about four minutes.
Winner: CM Punk
Analysis: *1/2 Two good workers, but they didn’t have enough time to have a great match. The US Champion loses and nobody even remembers that he has that belt.
Punk says that’s leadership by example and he’s doing things his way. He says he won’t stop until The Nexus as a group is the most dominant force that the WWE Universe has ever seen. This could be the start of a big push. I’m not sure. I hope so. Hopefully Punk signed his contract extension and he gets pushed to the top. He deserves it.
Backstage, The Miz is talking to Vickie Guerrero & Dolph Ziggler (who is in a suit) about possibly being a Cena opponent.
Coming up later is a Cole-Lawler contract signing.
(Commercial)
The video for the Christian-Orton match at the PPV is great. I want to see heel Christian. Hopefully they get nearly 20 minutes like they did the first time they had a title match.
Back from break, the Slam of the Week shows Kharma destroying Eve last week. I cheered loudly for this.
Kelly Kelly comes out smiling. I guess she didn’t see what video package they just showed? Brie Bella comes out with Nikki. I guess Brie is wrestling.
Kelly Kelly vs. Brie Bella
Josh Mathews puts over the Bellas talking trash on Twitter and Cole says he has no life because he follows the Bellas on Twitter. I agree with Cole for that. A minute into the match, Kelly does her babyface comeback including the headscissors and bulldog. Kelly pinned her using her feet to hold her shoulders down. Match went about 90 seconds.
Winner: Kelly Kelly
Analysis: DUD Poor wrestling. No heat.
Post match, the twins attack Kelly and slam her head in the mat. Cue Kharma. The crowd cheers the entrance. So do I. Kharma only looks at Kelly the whole time as the Bellas are about to leave. Then one of the Bellas attacks Kharma like an idiot. She shoves her down and the other Bella jumps into her arms. Kharma slams her down. There’s the Implant Buster on one of the Bellas as the other one leaves. They should call that move Kharmageddon. I’m not going to claim that I invented it, but a reader of mine did and I like it. She walks up to Kelly, props her up in the corner and gently flicks her in the head. She walks away laughing. Not sure where they are going with this. I’m just glad that she attacked the Bellas. I like how they are using Kharma. It’s different. It’s fresh.
Backstage, the camera shows The Miz talking to Big Show. We don’t hear anything they are saying, but the announcers put it over as Miz trying to recruit him.
(Commercial)
They show the story of the WWE Films movie “That’s What I Am” with the actors talking about the premise of the movie. Ed Harris has a creepy smile.
It’s Booyaka time with Rey Mysterio. He comes to the ring to a good pop. They show R-Truth attacking Mysterio last week with Cole putting over R-Truth’s conspiracy theory. Mysterio mixes in some Spanish for the Texas fans. Mysterio talks about how Truth has been whining and complaining, but Rey’s not like him. He calls him out to face him like a man. He wants to talk to Truth face to face. They go to commercial before he comes out. That was a short segment right there. I guess we’ll see Truth after the break.
(Commercial)
Back from break, it’s Alberto Del Rio’s theme music. He comes out in his wrestling gear while a ref is in the ring. Del Rio says Mysterio cost him the match last week. He says that he doesn’t belong in the ring with him. Del Rio rips on the people as well, saying he’s a true Mexican unlike them. They start speaking Spanish to eachother. Rey says he’s proud to be a Chicano and proud to be an American as well. He says if R-Truth isn’t going to come out there then he has no problem shutting Del Rio’s mouth right now. We have a match.
Alberto Del Rio vs. Rey Mysterio
They always have good matches. A few months ago on Smackdown they had their “last” match yet here they are on Raw having matches regularly again. I guess the stipulation didn’t carry over with the draft. Great armbreaker on Mysterio off the top. Two minutes into the match we go to commercial.
(Commercial)
They come back from break to show Rey selling the arm while Del Rio takes control with a clothesline. The San Antonio crowd is very hot, chanting “TWO!” for every two count. That reminds me of the shows in Toronto that I’ve been to many times over the years where we helped to make those chants popular. Del Rio continues to work on the left arm of Mysterio as we’ve reached the 10pmET hour to signify the midway point of the show. With Rey starting to mount his comeback, R-Truth’s voice was heard from the crowd and Rey hit a crossbody for a two count. He hits a Thesz Press off the top, the headscissors and then the 619 is blocked by Ricardo Rodriguez. The ref DQ’s Del Rio. Post match, he shoves Rey into the pole. Del Rio climbs to the top and lands a Senton splash off the top. The ref prevents him from doing more. The match went about 11 minutes with 8 minutes of it actually airing.
Winner: Rey Mysterio via DQ
Analysis: ** It was solid work as usual, but it was too short and the lack of a finish prevented it from being better.
After Del Rio leaves the ring with the ref, R-Truth jumps Rey from behind and drops him with the Payback move that still needs a name for him. You can hear a fan yell: “You’re a cheater and that’s the truth.” Way to tell him, fan.
Truth cuts a promo saying nobody challenges him. He says that after this Sunday “you’re going to get got” to Mysterio. He stomped him one more time before leaving. I guess they have a match at Sunday’s poorly promoted Over The Limit PPV. Now we know. The camera shows Mysterio selling the beating.
Backstage, Miz is shown talking to Punk and Mason Ryan.
Up next, Cole & Lawler contract signing.
(Commercial)
They plug the WrestleMania 27 DVD. I was there live. It was fine, but not great. The Hall of Fame speeches were okay with Triple H’s intro of Shawn Michaels being the funniest part. I doubt I’ll get the DVD, though.
Time to make this recap a little prettier. This past weekend I spent a few days with my good friend Mickie James at the Motor City Comic Con outside of Detroit where I was with her selling merchandise at her table. We had a great time. I met a few TJR readers too. I also got to meet former WWE Diva and Playboy model Torrie Wilson and TNA’s Cookie. Torrie’s a really nice person who was as pretty as any woman I’ve ever seen. She looks as good as ever. Cookie’s one of the loudest people I’ve ever met, but she’s a lot of fun. Of course most of my time was spent with Mickie, who I’ve become great friends with over the last year. I run her website mickiejames.com and work with her on a daily basis. And if you didn’t know what I look like, click on those links because now you know. I don’t mind posting pics when I’m surrounded with beautiful women. Yes, I realized that earned me some massive heel heat. Heel turn 2011 is coming! Haha.
Back from break it’s contract signing time. There’s a table in the ring along with two chairs. Cole & Swagger are on one side while Lawler is on the other side.
Cole makes Lawler reiterate the stipulation from last week. If Cole wins Lawler will give him his Hall of Fame ring and personally induct him into the Hall of Fame one day. Cole says that Lawler didn’t read the fine print on page two. He says that the stipulation is that this will be a Kiss My Foot match. Oh God, not the gimmicked foot again. That was such an awful segment with the knighting of Cole. They show a recap of Swagger forcing Ross to kiss Cole’s gimmicked foot.
Back to the ring, Cole says JR is the first man in history to kiss Vince McMahon’s ass and Cole’s foot. He wanted Lawler to be comfortable because he has experience in a Kiss My Foot match. They show a clip of Bret Hart vs. Jerry Lawler at the 1995 King of the Ring when Bret Hart won a Kiss My Foot match. Back then Lawler had the dirty foot as the heel. They show when Hart made Lawler kiss his own foot. Can I make Bret Hart the star of the night for showing a clip of him from 16 years ago?
Cole whips out his “Athlete’s Foot” that is disgusting to look at. I’m sure the makeup lady loved doing that job. Lawler says that was Bret Hart and Cole isn’t even close to that level. Lawler says Cole even isn’t like Swagger, who is a former World Champion. He says Cole has taken a former World Champion and made him into a lowly sidekick. Cole says nobody remembers a World Champion. He says some people say that being Cole’s sidekick may be the best thing of Swagger’s career. Swagger bumps his chest into Cole’s back. He says he’s no one’s sidekick, says “he’s all yours, King.” Then he says “good luck Sunday” and walks away.
With Swagger gone, Cole sucks up to Lawler, saying they have worked together for 14 years. Lawler grabs him by the tie, puts him face first on the table, tells him he’s going to shut Cole’s mouth with his own foot and flips the table back so Cole is down face first. They show Cole crying to end the segment.
If the whole point of this Cole-Lawler feud is to turn Swagger babyface than it will be worth it. Otherwise it’s been dragged out way too long for three PPVs and a lot of lame segments. This one dragged too. I’m ready for this feud to end. Please let it be the end on Sunday.
Backstage, they show The Miz talking to Kane about taking out John Cena. Show and Kane walk to the ring for the next match.
(Commercial)
Back in the arena, Cole is still in his Cole Mine while Lawler laughs at him. Cole’s sad, mentioning that he’s not really an athlete. Big Show and Kane come out. It’s not a title match apparently.
They’ve added Kane & Big Show vs. CM Punk & Mason for the Tag Team Titles at Over The Limit on Sunday.
Big Show & Kane vs. David Otunga & Michael McGillicutty
Double M gets a bit of offense on Show, but he shoves him off. Otunga actually puts Show down with a few kicks. That’s about all the offense he knows. Double M keeps him down, working down on the knees. Yes, Big Show is your babyface in peril. He finally gets there as Kane comes in throwing right hands. He hits a side suplex on McGillicutty for two. Top rope clothesline by Kane. Mason Ryan goes into the ring, then he walks right out. On the floor, Show gives Ryan a shoulder tackle to keep him down. Punk knees Kane in the back of the head and McGillicutty hits a swinging neckbreaker for the pin. What? A swinging neckbreaker beats Kane? Match was four minutes.
Winners: David Otunga & Michael McGillicutty
Analysis: * The effort was there. The finish worked for putting over the upset and showing that the Nexus group has momentum again. I don’t see a tag title change at the PPV, though.
If you’re keeping track that’s a loss for Kane & Big Show, Kofi Kingston and Brie Bella. Three champs all lost non-title matches on this show. Titles are worthless. But you already knew that.
(Commercial)
I’ll be writing a lot this week and through the month. I posted another Q&A earlier on Monday, you’re getting the Raw Deal right now, on Thursday I’ll post the preview for Over The Limit and on Sunday I’ll write about Over The Limit live. I’m also hoping to write a column at some point about TNA and how they changed the name of their Thursday show to Impact Wrestling. I have other stuff on the horizon too. Work is slowing down for me, TJR is picking up thanks to some advertisers (don’t worry there will never be intrusive ads) so I’ll be able to devote more time to it. That’s what I want.
Back from break, they plug the WWE All-Stars video game with a clip of The Rock vs. John Cena. I love how Lawler plugs the WWE All-Stars game like he’s played it. That’s believable to the kids out there.
The rundown for Over The Limit on PPV Sunday:
- Lawler vs. Cole in a Kiss My Foot match
- Orton vs. Christian for the World Title
- R-Truth vs. Rey Mysterio
- Cena vs. Miz for the WWE Title in an “I Quit” match
We also know about Kane & Show vs. Punk & Ryan. There’s also Wade Barrett vs. Ezekiel Jackson for the IC Title. I think that’s all we know at this point. I’ll have the preview up on Thursday most likely.
Backstage, Big Show and Kane say that they won’t lose the belts. Kane says that Sunday will be CM Punk’s and the new Nexus’ annihilation.
Backstage, Cena’s walking to the ring and there’s Zack Ryder to give him a t-shirt as he’s talking to the WWE.com guys. He told Cena to spike his hair. The internet wrestling fans just creamed themselves! Me? I wonder why they don’t use Zack in actual matches.
We are to assume that Cena’s match is up next.
(Commercial)
Back from break, The Miz comes out to announce that Cena will be competing in a No Holds Barred match. The opponent? Jack Swagger apparently. He attacks Cena from behind while they’re on the ramp. It’s 10:49pmET as this is about to start.
Jack Swagger vs. John Cena in a No Holds Barred match
Swagger’s all over him to begin with Cena struggling to even get his Fruity Pebble red t-shirt off. I’m disappointed that it’s Swagger because I want him to be a babyface, but I guess it doesn’t matter that he works as a heel here. What matters is that at the PPV he attacks Cole to get the turn. The crowd is doing the “Let’s Go Cena – Cena Sucks” chants. Along with the “TWO” chants that makes this San Antonio crowd a great one in my opinion. Swagger hits the splash in the corner for two as we go to break. They go to commercial three minutes in.
(Commercial)
We come back to the action to see that Swagger’s still in control. He throws Cena into the railing. Then he attempts to pin him. They showed a clip of Jack using the laptop computer to attack Cena. Why do they need the computer if Cole uses his iPad? Oh well. My fault for asking questions. I stopped asking the Riley ones. By the way, if it was me and I wanted to weaken my opponent on Sunday I’d book a 20 on 1 No Holds Barred match instead of a singles match. That’s just me, though. Swagger puts a chair on Cena’s chest, takes forever to taunt, then hits his corner splash onto the chair. We’ve barely seen Cena on offense in this ten minute match. Here it comes now, he’s Incredible Hulking up. Swagger hits a sloppy side slam that puts Cena right on his shoulder. Ankle lock by Swagger even though he didn’t work on the foot at all. Cena rolls through. Cena gets up, Swagger charges in and John moves so that Swagger’s face goes right into the chair. No chairshots to the head are allowed, but he crashed right into it with a lot of force. Now Cena is Incredible Hulking up with the shoulderblocks and side suplex followed by the Five Knuckle Shuffle. He hits the Attitude Adjustment on Swagger. He puts him in the STF. Swagger taps. Match ends at 11 minutes.
Winner: John Cena
Anaylsis: ** It was alright. Swagger’s offense was good and Cena really only did a comeback for a minute. I’m not sure why it needed to be No Holds Barred since they only did the chair, the guardrail and the computer. Cena didn’t even use any weapon.
The Miz cut a promo after the match about the ways that the I Quit match could end. He grabbed the crane camera and rammed it into the stage saying he could do that to Cena. What about when Orton tried to explode him on the fireworks? That was fun. He sends Riley under the ring to find something useful. He finds a steel pipe. Then he walks into the ring to say that he won’t even do those things. He has other conniving ways to it because he’s found a way that you have never ever seen before. You mean like duct tape? Miz guarantees all of us that after the match at Over The Limit he will be declared the new WWE Champion. He says Cena’s looking at him like he doesn’t believe a word he’s saying. He attacks with the pipe to the ribs just as Riley goes after him on the other side. Super Cena recovers with the pipe on Miz and then uses punches to knock them both out of the ring.
Cena does a very intense promo saying he needs to bring his million ways to beat him and a million more. Then he tells Miz that on Sunday he’ll say the words: “I Quit!” Cole ended the show doing the hard sell for that match and ended it by saying he knows Lawler will be kissing his foot.
It was a fine promo by Miz. Does anybody really believe he’s going to win? I don’t think so.
Three Stars of the Show
1. CM Punk – Let’s hope this is the start of a serious push.
2. John Cena – Yep. I liked his promo. He did a decent job in the match with Swagger too.
3. Kharma – I like her. Don’t like the Bellas. Easy pick.
5 out of 10
Last week: 4
2011 High Score: 9.1 (March 28)
2011 Low Score: 4 (Jan. 10)
2011 Average: 5.93
Last 5 Weeks: 5, 5, 7, 4, 5
A very average Raw. This PPV is not going to attract a lot of people. They did a poor job of advertising it and creating fresh matches because they really only devoted two weeks of hype to it due to the Rockcentric episode a couple of weeks back. They’ve done Cena-Miz in various forms many times, Cole-Lawler needs to be stopped and they moved Del Rio over to Raw to give him…absolutely nothing in terms of a feud. What the hell? The growth of R-Truth has been the best thing in the last month. Other than that things are so stagnant in WWE land.
That wraps up this week’s Raw. I enjoyed doing it live. It allows me to sleep at a regular time and write other stuff on a Tuesday instead of the Raw Deal. Like I touched on earlier, I’ll be back at thejohnreport.net throughout the week with more columns along with the always excellent TJR staff.
Thanks for reading.
John Canton – john@thejohnreport.net
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