Q & Ace w/ Max Maverick
The vibrating sound goes off on the bedside table, and the ringtone playing is “Money for Nothing” by Dire Straits. The tune continues to play until a hand reaches out from underneath the covers, knocking over some empty beer cans while trying to retrieve the phone, and finally, the hand can get a hold of the iPhone and answer it on the speakerphone.
...hello?
The very groggy and hungover sounding voice belongs to “The Ace” Max Maverick.
Chelsea Powers: Maxxy? Were you still asleep?
Max Maverick: ...no...uh...I was just uh...getting up now...right before you called…
Chelsea Powers: Sure, Max, whatever you say. Anyways, I need you to get up and get ready.
Max sits up in his bed while keeping a grip on the phone. With his free hand, Max rubs the cold out of his eyes.
Max Maverick: Get ready? Ready for what, Chels?
Chelsea Powers: AMA scheduled you to have a Q&A with the fans today on Instagram live. Come on, Max, don’t tell me that you forgot!
Max massages his temple with his hand and sighs.
Max Maverick: Please don’t yell; I have a splitting headache right now.
Chelsea Powers: Oh? I’m sorry, I’m not the one that told you to throw a party and drink yourself stupid! That’s your fault, Maxxy!
Max Maverick: Seriously, my head hurts enough as it is. I don’t need your constant yelling making it worse.
On the other end of the line, Chelsea can be heard letting out an exasperated sigh.
Chelsea Powers: Whatever, Maxxy, just promise me you’ll get this Q&A done today, promise?
Suddenly, there’s a movement in the blankets next to Max, which causes him to turn his attention away from his sister and to whoever it is that’s occupying his bed with him.
Chelsea Powers: Maxxy, are you still there?
Max Maverick: Uh, yeah, I’m here. Listen, I’ll get back to you later.
Before she can respond, Max ends the call. He leans over and peaks under the blanket to find a beautiful and very nude woman. Max has an expression on his face as if to say, “not bad.” Max rubs his temple again as the pounding in his head continues before he removes himself from the bed and throws on a pair of lounge shorts over his boxer shorts. He gingerly walks to the bathroom and wastes no time to relieve himself. After that, Max washes his hands and splashes some cold water on his face; then, he searches through his medicine cabinet before finding some aspirin, much to his delight. He grabs one and downs it with whatever was in the liquor bottle he just randomly grabbed, talk about a literal bitter pill to swallow, Max scrunches up his face. Max then throws off his shorts and undergarments and hops in the shower; meanwhile, the woman in his bed begins to stir as the scene fades out.
**********
A few hours later and Max is all cleaned up, ready to go and get this Q&A over with. He’s dressed casually, wearing a black sleeveless Van Halen shirt and some grungy jeans. Standing at his side, as usual, is his bodyguard and right-hand man, Solomon Black, who has his hands folded in front of him. Also in the room with them is Max’s intern, Chester Hayes, who is on social media exciting the fans waiting for Max’s Q&A to begin.
Chester Hayes: Are you guys ready for Mr. Maverick?! I think they’re ready, Mr. Maverick!
Max Maverick: Good for them.
Chester Hayes: Shouldn’t we get this started then?
Max Maverick: Let me give you a word of advice, Chester; if you make them wait, it makes them want it more, and it makes it much more worth the wait, get it?
Chester looks confused as he tries to figure it out.
Chester Hayes: Uh, I think so, Mr. Maverick.
All Max can do is shake his head and put his face in his hands when the door to his home opens up, and his sister Chelsea Powers walks into the room; she looks rather annoyed with her older brother.
Max Maverick: Chelsea, what are you doing here? Better yet, haven’t you ever heard of knocking?!
Chelsea Powers: First of all, I came over to make sure you do this thing. Secondly, since when do you care about manners?
Max Maverick: I don’t know, but for all you know, I could’ve been in here with a woman; well, there was one here earlier.
Chelsea rolls her eyes and sighs.
Chelsea Powers: Maxxy, as much as I’d love to hear about that, let’s get this thing started.
Chester Hayes: Mr. Maverick is making them wait.
Chelsea turns towards Chester and looks at him quizzically.
Chelsea Powers: What? Making who wait?
Before Chester can answer, Solomon Black, smacks Chester on the back of the head.
Max Maverick: Thank you, Solomon; remember what I told you about snitches, Chester?
Chester Hayes: They get stitches?
Max Maverick: Correct.
Chester frowns while rubbing the back of his head. Yet another exasperated sigh from Chelsea, this time a bit more obnoxious sounding, probably done so on purpose.
Chelsea Powers: Well, this has been riveting. Maxxy, can we please get this started?
Max Maverick: Yes, yes, fine.
**********
Max Maverick: Welcome to my Q&A, or better yet, the Q & Ace with yours truly, Max Maverick!
Max smiles his cheesy grin to the camera for his adoring fans.
Max Maverick: Hold the camera still, Chester, you goof!
The smile goes away as Max already looks annoyed, and his intern not being able to work the camera on the iPhone properly isn’t helping matters.
Max Maverick: The goons over at AMA decided to rope me into doing this live video with a Q&A to boot. First off, rule number one: No stupid questions. This should be a pretty simple rule to follow, but judging by what I’ve seen from you, I’d have to beg the differ—second rule: No requests to go on live with me. I’m not here to see your ugly mug, you’re here to see me, and I’d rather not see what any of you basement dwellers look like in live and in color; I see it enough at the shows I don’t need anymore nightmares. Third rule: No long, tedious, drawn-out questions. I don’t care about your life story, okay? Remember, this is all about me! Get it? Got it? Good! Now let's get this bad boy started!
The questions start coming in at record speed. They start coming in so fast that Max is having trouble keeping up with them.
Max Maverick: A bunch of eager beavers here, I see, I mean, I don’t blame you! Look at me; I’m just perfect. Alright, first question: Max, how does it feel to have a 2-1 record so far in AMA? How do you think it feels? Of course, I’d like it to be an undefeated record, but that goober Zewbowski had to go and show me up at Under Pressure. It’s okay, though; I showed him at MayDay when I single-handedly left him a flattened mess on the mat resulting in a win for me and that incompetent boob partner, Ishii! If it weren’t for me saving the day, Zewbowski would have got the win! Anyway, I digress; my record is what it is. It’s a winning record, which is more than some other people in this company can say.
Max grabs a bottle of Jack Daniels, pours himself a glass on the table near him, and takes a drink. He lets out a sound and makes a face before continuing.
Max Maverick: Next question: How was it teaming with Ishii at MayDay? Didn’t you hear what I just said?! The man was utterly hopeless. Seriously, talk about incompetence! I just hope that my next partner is competent enough to carry himself and won’t need me to hold his hand to victory. Next question: Is your sister Chelsea single?
The camera turns to Chelsea, who giggles and can’t help but blush, followed by a shrug.
Max Maverick: Listen, pal, clearly you ignore rules because I specifically said no stupid questions! It was the first rule! To answer your question, it’s none of your damn business if she's single, and even if I were to divulge that information, I certainly wouldn’t tell some mindless cretin like you!
Chelsea makes a phone motion near her ear with her hand and mouths the words “call me,” along with a wink.
Max Maverick: Moving on to the following question: From someone named Wilhelm, “Mr. McMichaels would like to know how it feels to be teaming with someone that is as equally as talented as you are?” McMichaels? Oh right, my partner at Last Man Standing. Well, Wilhelm, if that’s even your real name! I’m pretty thrilled to be teaming with young Christopher McMichaels because, believe it or not; I see a lot of myself in young Christopher. If I may be so bold, young Christopher is the future of this company and this business! Teaming with me will boost Christopher’s career to even greater heights than he couldn’t even begin to imagine!
You saw what I did for that ungrateful little pissant Taco Sushi, right? We had the match of the night at Maiden Voyage, and even though I won, Taco’s career skyrocketed overnight! I made him a star, and he won’t even thank me! What I did for him I can do for Christopher, and I believe that Christopher will be more than grateful for it and this opportunity.
He reads further on with another question from Wilhelm.
Max Maverick: “Mr. McMichaels would like to know if you’ve received the gift that he had sent to you from his recent trip to Rome?” Gift? What gift?
Solomon Black leans over and whispers into his ear. Max looks back at Solomon in what appears to be disgust, but he turns back to the camera with a fake smile.
Max Maverick: Oh yes! THAT gift! I got it in the mail yesterday!
He motions for Chester to turn the camera to show Solomon hanging it up on the wall.
Max Maverick: See? The perfect spot for the perfect painting! It’s clear that you are a man of culture and share my appreciation of the fine arts!
Max toasts to that and takes another sip of his whiskey.
Max Maverick: One last question because I’m getting bored: “How does it feel to keep on facing Tora Fushimi all the time?” Do you know that old song “The Cat Came Back” by Garrison Keillor? No matter how many awful things happened to that cat, the kitty wouldn’t stay away. That’s Taco because no matter how many times I embarrass him, he won’t stay away. Instead of that idiot Brian Zewbowski, he has another old fart with him by the name of Buffalo Jones.
Buffalo and I both have a long history in this business, but little is known about him or his past. Probably because he’s too embarrassed by how much of a loser he is, who knows? It’s probably for the best regardless because no one cares. People didn’t care about him then, and people certainly don’t care about him now. He’s just another old-timer trying to cling on to relevancy. You could probably say the same about me, but then I’d have to slap you and call you an idiot because you’re wrong. Buffalo Jones wishes he was even half as good as I was back then and NOW!
Just as quickly as I helped make Taco a star, Buffalo man is going to send Taco’s career straight down the toilet along with his own. Christopher can deal with you, Buffalo, and I’ll deal with Taco. This is it, Taco; this is your last chance. In a steel cage, no less. Nowhere for you to run from the embarrassment and humiliation that I’m about to put you through. It doesn’t matter whether I pin your shoulders to the mat, escape the cage, and make you tap out and cry like a baby; when it’s all said and done, again, I don’t ever want to see your stupid face in that ring again, got it?
Well, I think that about wraps this shindig up. Be sure to watch the Last Man Standing live from Fort Worth, Texas, because you don’t want to miss Taco and Buffalo get the beatings of a lifetime at the hands of young Christopher McMichaels and yours truly, “THE Ace” Max Maverick!
He points at the camera and thinks the live feed has ended, but Chester is still rolling as Max turns back to Solomon, who is standing near the painting.
Max Maverick: Solomon, you can take that thing down now. Chelsea, can you believe that he bought it? He thought I liked that hunk of junk! I’ve seen better artwork made by a five-year-old!
Chelsea Powers: Uh, Maxxy…
She points at the iPhone that’s still recording, and Max turns to Chester with a scowl.
Max Maverick: Damn it, Chester, you idiot! I thought you knew to end the feed you fu-
The feed abruptly cuts out, and the scene ends.
