Moonlight Drive
Guest
Well I was feeling the need to write something that wasn’t BTB/E-Fed related and decided to do this. The aim was never to offend people, it’s all just a bit of fun, so anybody who get’s offended, harden the fuck up, kay? If you really want to be included in the story you can ask, although not everyone can fit in although there’ll definitely be cameos, and there’s others who just haven’t appeared yet who have a major impact (no pun intended) in the series. This thing isn’t all comedy (I didn’t have many ideas =/) so it isn’t designed to be a laugh a line so don’t expect it to be. K then, now that’s done, here we go, part 1 of Impact High!
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Welcome to the Impact High! A stereotypical high school in a suburban town in the USA in a state which shall remain un-named. There’s the nerds, the gangs, the losers, the stoners, the cheerleaders, the suck-ups and everything in between.
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Our tragic tale of woe, romance, mystery and everything in between opens with a young name by the name of Brandon Blaze sitting in the office of the Impact High School Counsellor, Mr. Zombie.
Zombie: So, what happened exactly?
Blaze: I done can’t watch Smackdown~!
Zombie: But why did you come here?
Blaze: Them damn Australians, they are always being mean to me about me not being able to done watch Smackdown~! I done can’t watch Smackdown~!
Zombie: I’ll be chatting to those young men later then. But about how they’re mean to you, are you sure it’s not your, how do I put this sensitively, severe mental retardation?
Blaze: It’s cause I done can’t watch Smackdown, there’s no damn MyNetwork TV in the god dang trailer park! I done can’t watch Smackdown~! And they stuff mean to me, like when they done go and tell me I should done go have a shower, but they no there’s no damn god running water in the trailer park, and there’s no MyNetwork TV, so I done can’t watch Smackdown~!
12.3 minutes later.
Blaze: And call me Nas-Tard. Yeah like so OK, that’s all what they done do to me. It done make me sad is all since I done can’t watch Smackdown~!
Zombie sits in his chair flicking through the pages of today’s newspaper
Zombie: Wait, what did you say?
Blaze: I done can’t watch Smackdown~!
Zombie sits there continuing to browse the newspaper. He looks up and sees young Brandon still seated, before going back to reading.
Zombie: Are you still here?
Blaze gloomily gets up from his seat and leaves Mr. Zombie’s office, pondering his situation. A young man hated by most of the school and out on his own, who would listen to this tormented soul? Nobody for now, as Brandon trudged off to his next class.
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Our scene now opens in a class room. The English Classroom of Mr. Montana, students sitting quietly in their seats. At one table sits Stinger, Horrorfest and Kassidy, all wearing their favourite matching un-washed World of Warcraft jerseys, covered in Dorito crumbs and other unknown substances as they struggle to write notes with their video gaming crippled thumbs and trigger fingers.
At the next table sit’s The Aussies, CT Styles, BKB, X-Power and Dipset Army. The other side of the room seats C4, quietly scribbling notes about his other students, GardsJr, chomping down on a Mars Bar he found in the toilet (5 second rule in full use of course), Scotty Goldman, struggling to recite the alphabet, and a hyperactive young man named Chessarmy, drawing pictures of his favourite TNA wrestlers on his notepad. At the back of the room are two separate desks on opposite sides. In one sit’s the Dark Knight, quietly dreaming of slitting his wrists, and Soulpower, chuckling hysterically.
All the students sit chattering away quietly when suddenly Mr. Guy enters the room, two students by his side. One, a short, pale fellow with a black cap and the other a girl with jet black hair chewing gum and blowing bubbles obnoxiously.
Guy: Everybody settle down, we have two brand new exchanges students! Treat them with the respect they deserve you little bastards. This is Lennie, he’s from New Zealand.
BKB: Baa.
Lennie jumps around looking for where the sheep noise came from, his joyous smile falling into a frown as he realised his hope of finding a new sheep had been diminished.
Guy: And Lady Hotrod.
Lennie gingerly walks over to The Aussies table nervously taking a seat. LHR goes to the front and takes a singular seat near Mr. Montana’s desk.
Montana: Kids, I’m going to give you 5 minutes to finish off your sheet from yesterday, hop to it!
Kassidy sits staring at Lady Hotrod, Stinger and Horror trying to get him back to reality, clicking in his face.
Stinger: It’s like he’s just seen Gears of Wars 2 advertised for only $29.99, including a limited edition Goplor helmet!
Horror: I know how to get him. I hate to go to these extreme measures but…PLAYING VIDEO GAMES IS A WASTE OF TIME!
Kassidy suddenly spins around, steam proverbially shooting from his ears.
Horror: He’s back, thank god!
Kassidy: What do you mean back?
Stinger: You were staring at that girl like she was the Sword of Tengarami
Kassidy: I know :wub:. Do you think she has a World of Warcraft account?!
Stinger: Is it possible to complete the Runescape Dragon Slayer quest with a level 24 character with only full bronze?
Stinger and Horror snort and s♂♂♂♂♂♂ at the hilarious joke
Kassidy: That isn’t funny, I’m serious!
Horror: I suppose you could ask her.
Kassidy nervously smiles as he walks over to LHR’s desk.
Kassidy: Hi…I’m Kassidy, my main is a level 65 sorceror, and let me just say, your beauty is like somebody has cast a level 19 infatuation enchantment upon me.
LHR stares at Kassidy blankly and punches the starstruck gamer straight in the nose. She then laughs before going back to her work. Kassidy returns to his desk groggily smiling, thinking he has made a great first step.
Chessarmy: TNA WRESTLING, CROSS THE LINE!!!
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We now move over to The Aussies table, where Lennie sheepishly (no pun intended) tries to strike up a conversation.
Lennie: So, you guys are from A-
Dipset: Suck a sheep, no homo.
Lennie: Sheep? Where?
BKB: So how many sheep do you rape a day?
Lennie: Shut up. That’s none of your business.
X: Baa Baa Black Sheep have you any wool
Lennie: That’s not even funny.
X: You root sheep.
The Aussies uproar in laughter.
Lennie: I’m leaving, my sexual preference shouldn’t mean you should be mean to me!
Lennie gets up angrily and storms off to sit with Chess, Gards, C4 and Scotty.
CT: He’s off to look for some more sheep!
Lennie once again tries to strike up a new conversation at his table. As he opens his mouth he is immediately interrupted
Chessarmy: TNA IMPACT, THURSDAY NIGHTS, SPIKE TV, 9 PM, CROSS THE LINE!
Lennie: Uh..so…what do you guys like to do for fun?
Gards: (mumbles incoherently as he chews on cookies)
C4: I like you, you’re a nice guy!
Lennie smiles at his first compliment since he arrived. C4 leans over to Scotty, and says rather loudly
C4: Fuck this guy is weird!
Scotty: nut az weird as sum of dese kwestshins, wat dus dis word say?
C4: Punctuation.
Scotty: o nd wat does dis won meen?
C4: It’s a comma.
Scotty: know it maeks cents, butt wat abitout dis one?
C4: I think it’s a crumb
Gards: (mumbles incoherently excitedly)
Gards dives across the table and wrenches the book away from Scotty, grabbing the crumb and shoving it in his already crammed full mouth.
Chessarmy: WHY NOT TAKE A BITE OF TNA? TNA WRESTLING, CROSS THE LINE!
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Meanwhile, in the teachers lounge. Mr. Roxxi, Mr. Kaedon, Mr. Peep and Mr. Station all sit enjoying a cup of tea and a break from classes.
Roxxi: So then I said, just get an abortion honey!
The other teachers except Mr. Kaedon laugh hysterically, looks like we missed out on the beginning of the joke. Ah, too bad.
Peep: That’s what you get when you let your heart win.
Kaedon: Abortion is wrong!
Roxxi: It’s up to the mother!
Kaedon: It’s an ending a life before it begins!
Roxxi: I wish I was around when your whore of a mother was pregnant so I could end your life before it began!
Kaedon: Bald headed bitch!
The two begin to swing fists and roll around on the floor in a wild brawl as Peep and Station look on.
Peep: I think we have an emergency, I think we have an emergency!
Station: What are you going on about?
Peep: My thoughts you can’t decode!
Peep laughs maniacally as he leaves the room. Station looks strangely at Peep before turning around and going back to calmly watching the battle between Kaedon and Roxxi as he sips his coffee.
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We head back to the English Class of Mr. Montana now as the Montana gives the students a pop quiz. Oh noez!
Montana: Now, who can tell me where the majority of Shakespeare’s played were performed?
Chessarmy: THE IMPACT ZONE! TNA WRESTLING, CROSS THE LINE!
Stinger: Middle Earth?
Scotty: In a play theatir because thats where they usually peiformed em I tink but I know one time they did won at mi school I tink it was there but sicne it was ingland was it bukinham palace?
C4: I hate Shakespeare, how would I know?
Gards: KFC?
Lennie: Was it-
BKB: No Lennie, not in a Sheeps arsehole where you like to play!
C4: I love Shakespeare!
SP: DUDEEEEEEE, my hands…they’re so……like stuff…
Montana:
no:Blaze suddenly bursts into the room, everybody looking in his direction.
Blaze: Sorry I am into the class late Mr. Montana! I done can’t watch Smackdown~!
Chessarmy: WHO CARES! TNA IMPACT, THURSDAYS, 9 PM, SPIKE TV, CROSS THE LINE!
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Thus ends the first instalment in the twisted tale that is Impact High. Tune in next time as the story unfolds! Will Blaze finally find a friend? Will Lennie fire back at The Aussies? Will Kassidy get his girl? Will Chessarmy and his TNA markness ever end? All these questions will be slowly answered as more is discovered about what is going on in the underbelly of Impact High, next time! (If I can be fucked to write another one)
