It's sort of like the NFL before the days of flex scheduling. Take this Week 15 game between the New York Giants and the New Orleans Saints in 2003. Aaron Brooks (explosive and athletic) outplayed Jesse Palmer (who I thought was a career backup). Deuce McAllister ran for 80 yards on 15 carries. Tiki Barber fumbled once while picking up 3.4 ypc.
The game was meaningless. The Giants were 4-10 and well out of contention, and the Saints were still the Ain'ts, finishing the season at 8-8 and out of the playoffs. But you watched it anyway because it was NFL football.
I watched tonight's show because it was the UFC. Was it bad? Maybe not, but it sure wasn't good.
- You can sum up the main event with this fact: Matt Hamill was 0-17 in his takedown attempts. That number may not reflect Hamill's futility; he never came close to putting Quinton Jackson on his back. His shots weren't set up with strikes or feints, and "Rampage" was able to dig his arms underneath Hamill's shot and quite literally throw Hamill off to the side.
- Jackson remained more patient than most people expected or hoped from him. He told Joe Rogan in the postfight interview that he fractured his hand leading in to the bout, and that he wanted to use Hamill in order to try out some new stuff. I'm not sure if that erases an otherwise underwhelming performance, though.
- Dana White told the media that as long as doctors clear his hand, Jackson will be Jon Jones' next fight. I'm left wondering what's causing the UFC's reluctance to put together the Jones/Evans grudge match. Evans, should he defeat Phil Davis at UFC 133, would have 9 or 10 weeks to prepare for an October date with Jones.
- I'm certain that Roy Nelson has Homer Simpson Syndrome.
- Joe Rogan pounded the idea that Nelson should drop 50+ pounds and fight at light heavyweight. Because a good-not-great heavyweight punching bag is going to find success against much better fighters in much better shape than himself.
- Despite winning a one-sided decision, Frank Mir found a way to break his jaw and a rib.
- Stefan Struve needs to figure out that he's 6'11" and not 5'11". He put himself within range of Travis Browne, allowing Browne to send him flying with a Superman Punch.
- Thiago Alves landed the cleaner strikes at distance throughout his fight with Rick Story. Unfortunately, Alves allowed Story to close the distance at will in the first two periods.
- Brian Stann reminded Jorge Santiago why the UFC cut him back in 2006.
- Speaking of Stann, if you're going to push the whole military angle with him, why clam up when asked if putting him on the Memorial Day show as intentional? Just own up to it.
- I scored the Demetrious Johnson/Miguel Torres fight 30-29 for Torres. Or 28-28. Or...I don't know. The "hardcore" MMA community had their moment of moral indignation on Twitter. I suspect FightMetric's number will paint an interesting picture.
- Tim Boetsch did everything outside of packing Kendall Grove's bags for a one-way trip back to Hawai'i.
- Cole Escovedo defeated Renan Barao with low kicks in Joe Rogan's world.
- Every referee take note from Kim Winslow: Start rounds with a simple "Fight!" We don't need your "Let's get it on!" ripoffs.
Photo by Al Bello/Zuffa LLC/Zuffa LLC via Getty Images
Yeah, whatever. I was looking for any reason not to give this to Brian Stann, but I'm left with no choice. The featured bouts left everyone feeling like they sexed Ms. Last call, and the best fight of the night (Torres/Johnson) ended in controversy. So here you go, Brian Stann.
MOMENT OF THE NIGHT
Photo by Al Bello/Zuffa LLC/Zuffa LLC via Getty Images
Stefan Struve's head flipped back like Soda Popinski taking an uppercut from Little Mac. That's always going to win moment of the night.
MIKE GOLDBERG LINE OF THE NIGHT
"Tibau and Oliveira grew up near each other in different neighborhoods of Brazil."
Fun fact: Brazil covers more than 3 million square miles.
ENTRANCE SONG OF THE NIGHT
"All I Do Is Win" by DJ Khaled (feat. Ludacris, Rick Ross, T-Pain, and Snoop Dogg)
My best friend loves this song, and this reminds me of him. Courtesy of Renan Barao.
CHOPPING BLOCK
Despite Dana White's assurance that Zuffa needs more fighters, there's no margin for error in the UFC. It only takes one loss to find a pink slip waiting for you on Monday morning. Who's on the Chopping Block?
Kendall Grove