Reach for the (Minus) Stars: Sky's Collection of Bad Matches

  • Welcome to "The New" Wrestling Smarks Forum!

    I see that you are not currently registered on our forum. It only takes a second, and you can even login with your Facebook! If you would like to register now, pease click here: Register

    Once registered please introduce yourself in our introduction thread which can be found here: Introduction Board


Leon TrotSky

TOTAL NONSTOP ACTION
Joined
Apr 17, 2019
Messages
81,985
Reaction score
23,589
Points
113
Location
The Impact Zone, Scotland
Favorite Wrestler
velvetsky
Entry #789
Friar Ferguson vs. Chris Duffy
WWF Monday Night RAW - April 12, 1993

Next was going to be another Bushwhackers match... but the Network autoplayed the next RAW, and this was on it. And what other opportunity will I get to watch a match involving FRIAR FERGUSON? The mad monk who danced about and offended "Catholic interest groups" (and I put it in quotes because from what I can see, the vast majority of "Catholic interest groups" are tied to the mob. So they were threatened by the mob). Let's have a look.

Ferguson's taken an oath of silence so he wears a notepad with "Monk :)" written on it. That could have been a Sign Guy gimmick. He drinks some monk-brewed alcohol out of a flagon. The power difference here is noticeable instantly. Duffy rakes the eyes and tries to go for the piledriver but Ferguson backdrops him off and gives a leg drop. He pulls the ropes to send Duffy to the outside. Duffy's back in and is tossed about. Ferguson does a wiggly-knees monk dance while Bartlett (he's back) speculates on whether monks are the reason why wrestlers call each other "brother". Splash for two, but Ferguson lifts off the pin to bash him around more. This is dragging like hell.

ROPE CHOKING while holding Duffy's head under his habit. "We want Bret" chants. The DEADLY DOUBLE NERVE PINCH is applied. Duffy has to go to the eyes again to escape. This is flopping like a motherfucker. MORE ROPE CHOKING! Duffy tries to sunset flip a larger man, and then becomes the first WWF victim of the Trip to the Batcave. Ferguson takes a victory swig from his flagon.

That was completely irredeemable. No one cared, the gimmick was shit, the wrestler himself was even more shit, and it was a squash that went too long.
 

Death By Looch

Peace, Love & Fuck You
Joined
Jan 29, 2020
Messages
132,454
Reaction score
53,499
Points
118
Age
36
Favorite Wrestler
undertaker
Favorite Wrestler
arnanderson
Favorite Wrestler
braywyatt
Favorite Wrestler
vader2
Favorite Wrestler
yujinagata
Favorite Wrestler
bethphoenix
Entry #784
The Bushwhackers vs. Repo Man/Damien Demento
WWF Monday Night RAW - March 22, 1993

Okay.

I've been doing what feels like too many Bushwhackers matches in this thread, and when I started this cleanup of the Cagematch low-rated matches, I was expecting to find maybe one more Bushwhackers match. Try FIVE. Five more matches' worth of Luke and Butch inflicting what they think is comedy on jobbers and lower-card nobodies. Thankfully it was mostly on RAW and not on PPV by this point, but that's still worse than nothing. Also, a surprise appearance by the man from the outer reaches of your mind (and with no sense of humour), Damien Demento!

Jobber entrance for the heels. The Kiwis are up on the balcony, mingling with fans as if this is the Hammerstein (it's actually the Grand Ballroom next door). It takes the entirety of an ad break to even get them to the ring. They'd fit right in in 2024. They stumble over the guardrail. Also, there's an older and heavier-set ring girl than you'd expect, whom they lick. They then waste time by licking each other's heads. We start with Demento against, apparently, Butch. Demento misses a corner charge but gets bitten on the ass. Repo comes in for the save but Luke bites HIM on the ass. COMEDY! They send both heels crashing into each other then march around the ring wasting more time.

Repo makes an illegal non-tag while the ref is distracted, and starts whipping Luke. They do another ref distraction spot and I just feel nothing. I'm numb. Fish-hooking by Demento, followed by some non-contact punches and a bite of his own. Crowd is devastatingly quiet as Demento does a single-leg Jeff Hardy nutshot. Repo's punches also look terrible. At least he hasn't bitten anyone. Double down for no reason other than a double down. Cold tag to Butch who does some stuff, I guess, and knocks some heel heads together. Kiwis go for a double clothesline but Repo trips one of them. Structure collapses before our eyes. Visual pinfall, which the ref could have seen easily. Are we supposed to believe the ref is blind? Anyway Repo elbow drops Demento by mistake and the Battering Ram finishes it.

does the Bushwhacker arm walk, stone-faced and clearly bereft of hope
Bz0Uh7.gif
 

Leon TrotSky

TOTAL NONSTOP ACTION
Joined
Apr 17, 2019
Messages
81,985
Reaction score
23,589
Points
113
Location
The Impact Zone, Scotland
Favorite Wrestler
velvetsky
Entry #790
The Bushwhackers/The Macho Midget vs. Blake Beverly/The Brooklyn Brawler/Little Louie
WWF Monday Night RAW - August 9, 1993

Yes, you are reading correctly. The MACHO MIDGET. The mini-mascot of Randy Savage who needed a way to neutralise heel Doink and his mirror self. He helped Savage a bit, but his only actual match was this unrelated affair involving the Bushwhackers. Also his mask looked positively inhuman. Look at his mask. LOOK AT IT.

f6tdk9v03ct41.jpg


Anyway, 1.00/10, let's see if it's fair, yadda yadda. We get a bit of a Macho Midget variety show as he moonwalks and breakdances. Luke vs. Blake to start, and Luke starts making his opponent look stupid. DOUBLE ASS BITE SPOT with the minis also involved. They do the exact same spot as that Bushwhacker/mini match I did earlier. Because the Macho Midget is Tiger Jackson. Who also played Dink. Louie exploits his power advantage. They do a criss-cross spot, but Macho stops and goes for a rest, before going for a bit of a jog with Louie and dropkicking him again.

Now Blake and Butch, and Butch knees Blake in the cock. Brawler elbows Blake by mistake and heels get their noggins knocked. They then repeat another spot, this time the minis-running-over-an-armbar spot. Blake argues with Louie. Test of strength between the little people but Macho is overpowered and Louie gets some two-counts. They repeat the ref/Louie hot potato spot. Finally we get a cold tag with Butch vs. Brawler. Heels getting wrecked, Battering Ram wipes out Blake. There's still one spot left to repeat - the little person getting a top rope splash for the three. Despite said little person not being the legal man.

 

Emb

Member
Joined
Feb 26, 2023
Messages
157
Reaction score
24
Points
18
Age
33
You should watch The Bushwhackers pre-WWF. The Sheepherders were actually good.
 
  • Like
Reactions: Geese

Leon TrotSky

TOTAL NONSTOP ACTION
Joined
Apr 17, 2019
Messages
81,985
Reaction score
23,589
Points
113
Location
The Impact Zone, Scotland
Favorite Wrestler
velvetsky
Entry #791
The Bushwhackers vs. The Quebecers
WWF Monday Night RAW - March 21, 1994

As 1993 continues to 1994, the Bushwhacker badness continues unabated. Watch Jacques Rougeau have an attack of WrestleMania 5 PTSD as he faces the Kiwis again, in a match the hivemind calls a 1.42/10. Dear fucking Christ.

Holy shit, it's Johnny Polo! After the tag champs get smashed out of the ring, the Kiwis threaten Polo. Then the Quebecers punish the Bushwhackers for playing to the crowd... oh wait no, they're doing that Irish whip do-si-do spot, and then a noggin knock. Quebecer #1 is clotheslined out of the ring and #2 is pinned for two. #1 going in for the breakup attacks #2 by mistake. Could these tag teams at least have the decency to look different from a distance? Kiwi #1 is holding back a Canadian for Kiwi #2 to attack but You Know This Spot. Then You Know This Spot again, but this time with a Quebecer and Johnny Polo. This is a sign that you've run out of things to do and should go home.

The camera loses signal and by the time we're back a Bushwhacker gets a visual pinfall. After a bit more stalling, it's time for a heat segment. From a babyface team. This is apparently Jacques, and it's some really basic tag team heat that he's taking. On goes the chinlock, because if you can't wrestle and you can't do comedy, maybe you can do a rest hold. Jacques counters, slams, and brings in Pierre... who spends some more time getting wrecked. Butch fist drop for a pin attempt that was presumably two, because we go to a break.

Post-break, it's a heel heat segment now as Pierre is beating on Luke. Jacques slams Pierre on to Luke but Butch breaks it up. ROPE CHOKING! Jacques talks about the USA sucking. There are no Americans in this match. Jacques backdrops Pierre on Luke for two. Luke takes another double team move which gives a visual pinfall to the heels, which is an interesting choice. Eventually Luke gets the boot up on a flying nothing and it's cold tag time. Butch gets both guys down on the ground, the Kiwis whip the Quebecers into each other, Battering Ram on both guys for the win... wait no, visual pin, and Johnny Polo interferes. The Bushwhackers try to shoot down Polo but Pierre hits a knee to finish off this dreadful match.

How to start off a New Era that WrestleMania 10 apparently began? With the immobile useless Bushwhackers going TEN WHOLE MINUTES. Even the most receptive mark crowd got tired of it.
 
  • Like
Reactions: Chris

Leon TrotSky

TOTAL NONSTOP ACTION
Joined
Apr 17, 2019
Messages
81,985
Reaction score
23,589
Points
113
Location
The Impact Zone, Scotland
Favorite Wrestler
velvetsky
Entry #792
The Bushwhackers vs. Barry Hardy/Bert Centeno
WWF Monday Night RAW - September 12, 1994

I'm gonna have a fucking aneurysm. Why, in 1994, were the Bushwhackers not only getting matches, but JOBBER SHOWCASE MATCHES? That MAIN EVENTED RAW???? Thankfully this is the last of them in my remaining list of suckage. 1.00/10 says the hivemind, and I doubt they're wrong.

Someone in the crowd has blacked up for this special occasion. Must be a Roddy Piper fan. Kick off with stalling and playing to the crowd. Hardy and Centeno get a few shots in but the Bushwhackers make Hardy look like an idiot and eye poke him. They bite him on the ass as Abe "Knuckleball" Schwartz wanders the crowd. Centeno ducks a double clothesline but not the run-back. More playing to the crowd. Centeno tries to get some shots in but gets countered and stomped on the foot.

Visual pinfall by whichever Bushwhacker this is. Hardy tries to break up the pin, Luke (for apparently it is) dodges it. Butch shoves Hardy on Centeno and Luke stacks 'em and pins 'em, Butch tries to give a count but the ref reminds him who's in charge. I think that would have been a fun spot if it were a team that didn't make me want to claw my eyes out. Butch licks the ref. Okay, back to the match. Centeno's getting worked in the corner. Crowd isn't as into the match as the WWF would hope so Butch stomps the mat to rile them up. Butch does his knee lift to the cock. Battering Ram finishes it.

AND WE ARE DONE. I never want to see a Bushwhackers match again.
 
  • Like
Reactions: Chris

Leon TrotSky

TOTAL NONSTOP ACTION
Joined
Apr 17, 2019
Messages
81,985
Reaction score
23,589
Points
113
Location
The Impact Zone, Scotland
Favorite Wrestler
velvetsky
Entry #793
The Great Khali vs. Dolph Ziggler
No Disqualification Match

WWE The Bash - June 28, 2009

Ah, the 21st century. God, I miss this every time I have to go into a bunch of 1990s shit. The 21st century things I do are (mostly) less aggressively boring, because there's fewer unathletic statues having painfully dull stand-up brawls...

looks at who's in this match... oh shit. So yeah, Khali is up against young Dolph, 15 years before he was the Wanted (Tolerated) Man in TNA, at this event. An event which is allegedly a sequel to the Great American Bash, but they removed "American" to be more international, and removed "Great" because it wasn't that great. Except Jericho vs. Mysterio, that slapped. 1.89/10 says the hivemind, and Dave rather agrees as he gave this MINUS 1 star.

This is babyface Khali so Ranjin Singh has a bit of a dance going on. It's like Swerve and Nana, only a foot and a half taller, and terrible. Ziggler tries some strikes but gets no-sold and tossed about. He gets a small edge by attacking Khali's knees, but Khali stops his mounted-punches attempt and tosses him right over the corner to the floor. We're headed TO THE OUTSIDE so Khali can chop Ziggler against the post, but Ziggler ducks and Khali hurts his hand. Ziggler comes off the apron to try and down Khali but Khali just slaps him really hard sending him between the ropes.

Khali gets his leg caught and Ziggler attacks that naturally. Chair shot to the calf, Khali blocks a second attempt but Ziggler attacks the leg again. Famouser for two. And then he forgets the legs and goes for a facelock so Khali can recover. Ziggler's selling is more subdued than we know and love today but he's still doing a good job bumping for Khali. Khali's teasing going to a finish, but Kane's music hits. Ziggler gets a chair shot to the knee again but then clears off so Kane can hit Khali a bit with the chair. This hands Ziggler the win, and then he heads off so he can get out of the way of the future Khali/Kane feud. Which we've seen here before.

Yeah, that's not a minus star match. It's about as good as you could expect from a Khali match. Get a good bumper in, add some smoke and mirrors and plunder, and voila, something that doesn't make you want to claw your eyes out.
 

Leon TrotSky

TOTAL NONSTOP ACTION
Joined
Apr 17, 2019
Messages
81,985
Reaction score
23,589
Points
113
Location
The Impact Zone, Scotland
Favorite Wrestler
velvetsky
Entry #794
Jack Swagger (c) vs. Big Show
for the World Heavyweight Championship

WWE Over the Limit - May 23, 2010

Hey, that's more like it. World Champ Swagger! Somehow the Miz was not the lamest top champion of the PG era! Like Kurt Angle if he had no charisma and couldn't wrestle, Jack Swagger was given the Big Gold for no reason I can tell. He's not even that big. Especially when you put him next to the world's largest immobile lump Paul. 1.87/10, says the hivemind. Is that justified?

Champ out first! Shows you how important this guy is even while being the champ. Swagger tries to do Amateur Things but he can't bring down the big man. Show escapes a double leg takedown attempt by... stomping. Swagger tries a waistlock but Show reverses it and brings Swagger to the mat. He's got to rest on the outside and Show does push-ups. Back in the ring, Show shushes the crowd for his big slap, but the crowd wasn't that hot anyway. A BIG WALK because that's not even 70s stuff, that's 50s stuff. And now ROPE CHOKING by the babyface Show. Swagger counters a chokeslam attempt and rolls off again.

Swagger finally gets some offence by tackling away the leg. Another shoulder tackle gets two. Two Vader Bombs in a row, but Show kicks out so hard he tosses Swagger through the ropes. Swagger makes the same mistake Ziggler did, by going for a headlock. This lets Show recover, toss him, and use his power. Chokeslam teased, but Swagger kicks the shins, so Show instead drops Swagger out of the ring. He blasts Show with the title in full view of the ref because, as if proof of no benevolent God, this feud must continue. Show wins by DQ but doesn't get the title. Swagger gets a chair and continues the beatdown but Show recovers, chokeslams Swagger on to the chair, and caps the segment with Literally Just A Punch.

So dull. Thankfully they never ran this back on PPV, reducing it to a TV match while the big PPV match was the Fatal 4-Way at a PPV whose name escapes me.
 
  • Like
Reactions: Death By Looch

Leon TrotSky

TOTAL NONSTOP ACTION
Joined
Apr 17, 2019
Messages
81,985
Reaction score
23,589
Points
113
Location
The Impact Zone, Scotland
Favorite Wrestler
velvetsky
Entry #795
The Dashing Ones (c) vs. John Cena/David Otunga
for the WWE Tag Team Championship

WWE Bragging Rights - October 24, 2010

Last one for tonight before I catch up on TNA. Remember the Nexus storyline? That was crap, wasn't it? By this point they've never committed to putting championships on either of them, but that was seemingly set to change when unwilling member John Cena was forced to join them. He's teaming with David Otunga to face the amazing-in-hindsight team of Cody Rhodes and Drew McIntyre in what is, according to the great hivemind, a 1.95/10 match.

Champs out with separate entrance themes. I hate when tag teams have that. It's like they're just two singles guys rather than YANNO, the tag team champs. They sound very different from their current selves. They're complaining that they've got no competition. When the WHAT chants start I consider skipping the promo... but then BRING BRING AND I QUOTE, IT'S THE FUCKING LAPTOP. Turns out there IS a team, and it's two members of the Nexus. Announced by Wade Barrett, it's the big lawyer Otunga, and of course, Big Match Midcard Match John.

Otunga starts off but he's getting absolutely wrecked, the champs are quickly tagging and shutting him down in the corner. Crowd's quiet because this is weirdly heel vs. heel and Cena. It's heatless, and also not very good. Eventually Otunga manages to block and slaps Cena to tag him in. Cena has Cody cornered but Cody counters and does some basic stuff... until, of course, Cena recovers. He shows off a couple of suplexes getting two-counts each time. Otunga wants Cena to let him in and the distraction lets Cody attack from behind. Drew hits a lariat for two but otherwise everything is just very basic, very indistinct. Cody at least manages to hit a drop-down uppercut for two.

Drew stomps the back of Cena's head. Crowd amuses themselves by doing the Let's Go Cena/Cena Sucks duel. Flatliner by Drew for two. Cody looks like he's about to go for a Magistral but instead does what appears to be a single-arm Camel Clutch. Cena stands up out of it and falls back-first on Cody. Cena's finish sequence begins but Cody flips out of the Protobomb and tags in Drew... who gets it done to him. Five Knuckle Shuffle, but Cody distracts... Future Shock teased but Cena drops Drew out... Cross Rhodes teased... Cena puts on his famously rubbish STF for the win. New champs. Post-match Otunga's celebrating but Cena gives him an AA.

Yeah that was shit wasn't it. Feels like no one really had their own identity wrestling-wise, not even Cena, and there was no reason for the crowd to care too much.
 
  • Like
Reactions: Death By Looch

Leon TrotSky

TOTAL NONSTOP ACTION
Joined
Apr 17, 2019
Messages
81,985
Reaction score
23,589
Points
113
Location
The Impact Zone, Scotland
Favorite Wrestler
velvetsky
Entry #796
Lex Luger vs. Buff Bagwell
WCW Monday Nitro - December 1, 1997

Today's feature is Lex Luger vs. Buff Bagwell. A feud that stretched through an entire December's worth of WCW programming, where they just had crap match after crap match after crap match. That shouldn't be a surprise - Luger and Bagwell are thread regulars, after all - but you won't believe they did this so often with the same old results. Let's start from the beginning.

Someone's got a "Sexy Lexy" sign in the crowd. Sorry, no. Just no. Tellingly, the first phase of the match consists of a posedown. Bagwell goes for a slap but gets overwhelmed by Luger who uses his power. Luger clotheslines Bagwell TO THE OUTSIDE, then Bagwell drags Luger out and whips him into furniture. Time for Bagwell to get heat, which is the usual. Stomping, an elbow drop, and GROUND CHOKING! Low-contact dropkick for two. CHINLOCK because both these guys are gassed after 3 minutes. After a long unmoving chinlock stall, Luger fights out. Bagwell kneels out for a jawbreaker and hits a clothesline for two.

Time for Bagwell to boot Luger in his ribs. And then ROPE CHOKING! Luger starts no-selling turnbuckle shots, which leads Bagwell to start no-selling rights. Bagwell stalls in between cornered stuff. Eventually Luger starts countering the cornered stuff. Back suplex leads to a double down and a Luger comeback. Inverted atomic nutshot, metal forearm, powerslam. Vincent interferes to stop the Torture Rack but Luger tosses him on to Bagwell. Bell rings for the DQ but Luger manages to Rack both guys for fun.

Oh boy I can't wait to watch 5 more identical versions of that
 

Leon TrotSky

TOTAL NONSTOP ACTION
Joined
Apr 17, 2019
Messages
81,985
Reaction score
23,589
Points
113
Location
The Impact Zone, Scotland
Favorite Wrestler
velvetsky
Entry #797
Lex Luger vs. Buff Bagwell
WCW Monday Nitro - December 8, 1997

Second verse, same as the first! This is one of the low scorers, with Cagematch considering it a 1.67/10.

Apparently Bagwell claims to have never lost to Luger, even after last week. lol. lmao even. Bagwell gets an armdrag and struts, while some guys try to start a "Luger sucks" chant. He gets a hip toss and poses and talks to the camera. Oh, shut up. OVW Rope Running Things end in a Bagwell dropkick, more posing... while Luger's no-sold and is right behind him. Luger uses his power and does a bit of posing of his own. This is somehow worse than the first match. Back suplex by Bagwell, who starts to mistreat Luger's back. Then he wastes time with stuff unrelated to the back like turnbuckle bashing. Wonder why I hate 90s heavyweight wrestling?

On goes a CHINLOCK but it's from sort of a Camel Clutch position so I guess I can give it a pass. Luger rises up and hits an electric chair suplex, a spot that I'd be more hype for if it weren't for these two guys being trash. Back body drop, metal arm, and he teases the Rack but Bagwell rolls away. Luger has to fight off the nWo on the outside and gets counted out. Bagwell is carried off on the nWo's shoulders like he's won the title.

Same nothing offence and a non-finish on top of it. Shite.
 

Leon TrotSky

TOTAL NONSTOP ACTION
Joined
Apr 17, 2019
Messages
81,985
Reaction score
23,589
Points
113
Location
The Impact Zone, Scotland
Favorite Wrestler
velvetsky
Entry #798
Lex Luger vs. Buff Bagwell
WCW Monday Nitro - December 15, 1997

And now the third. Of five. God help us all.

This starts with a promo by what is announced as Luger, but Bagwell comes out instead. He mocks Luger (with a bit of psychological projection thrown in) and claims Luger can't beat him. This, of course, leads Luger to come out and announce they're having a match. Bagwell tries to weasel out - including by claiming there can be no match because there's no referee - but Luger decks him. Match on.

Punch, punch, back body drop, metal arm. Luger's whipping Bagwell all about before stomping on him in the corner. Eventually Luger misses a corner charge and Bagwell starts stomping a mudhole and BOOT CHOKING! Luger eventually gets a boot up and starts doing his usual comeback. Torture Rack teased but nWo tries to interfere. Luger punches them off the apron... then clotheslines Bagwell out... and that is a DQ because Luger sent him over the top rope. Did I mention Nick Patrick was the ref? Yeah. Fuck finish because fuck finish.

Lame.
 

Leon TrotSky

TOTAL NONSTOP ACTION
Joined
Apr 17, 2019
Messages
81,985
Reaction score
23,589
Points
113
Location
The Impact Zone, Scotland
Favorite Wrestler
velvetsky
Entry #799
Lex Luger vs. Buff Bagwell
WCW Starrcade - December 28, 1997

Here we are. Starrcade '97. The fateful night where WCW's end began. By coincidence, Match 800 is next, and I've got a suitably momentous plan for that. But for now, we have the fourth edition of Bagwell and Luger.

Of course, we start with Bagwell stalling on the outside and preventing the bell from ringing. Initial lock-up goes into two different corners and gets separated. Bagwell sells being spat on like he's been shot. Both guys gets punches in the corner. Luger does a hip toss which leads to some standard power spots. Luger clotheslines Bagwell TO THE OUTSIDE, and of course tonight there's no DQ. Bagwell goes up the aisle to ask for his emotional support Vincent. It goes on long enough that surely he should have been counted out by now.

Time for Bagwell offence, and he's stomping away. Out we go as Bagwell tries to engage BOTO with a guardrail bash but Luger counters and starts bashing him into stuff instead. Luger does... sits? on Bagwell's back against the ropes. Vincent mounts the apron and Luger decks him, which lets Bagwell recover and go for the eyes. ROPE CHOKING! And then Vincent does a rope choke! And now BOOT CHOKING! You could replace these guys with any two "main event" wrestlers in either WWF or WCW at this point and no one would notice the difference. Bagwell does some of those same sits that Luger did early. Fans are so bored they're doing JIM DUGGAN chants holy FUCK. Very audible U-S-As and HOOOOOs. And now they're chanting for Harlem Heat! Is this match being hijacked? In 1997???

Luger gets the boot up on a corner charge and does the metal arm for a double down. On goes a chinlock for Bagwell. Harlem Heat are sitting in the crowd rather than, ya know, having a match tonight on WCW's biggest show ever. One minute of chinlock later, Luger's recovered but Bagwell hits him in the back for two. Bagwell argues with the ref so Luger can roll him up. Bagwell gets a lariat for two. Back to CHINLOCK CITY. Luger hits out but Bagwell puts him back down with an elbow to the head. Luger fights out again but takes a knee lift. He's fighting out of the corner... but on goes a sleeper by Bagwell! Bagwell clings on despite Luger trying to lift him off. Arm-drop routine, Luger's living, and he recovers with a back suplex.

Luger gets the knees up on a splash, and now it's time for his comeback. Back body drop, metal arm, inverted atomic nutshots, and Luger puts Vincent down followed by a forearm shot. Bagwell just gets right the fuck up. Vertical suplex, Bagwell just gets up again. Vincent mounts the top rope and Luger tosses him into Bagwell a couple of times. Bagwell gets stomped, the ref complains, Bagwell shoves Luger to BUMP THE REF. Of course. Bagwell gets up off a powerslam, Torture Rack, but ref's out. Randy Savage interferes, but gets gorilla press slammed and Racked. Scott Norton shows up with Rick Steiner's dog collar and decks Luger with it, and then wakes the ref so Bagwell can be handed the win.

A really depressing watch. 17 whole minutes of boredom just to lead up to an overbook and an nWoWinsLOL. Wonder why WCW died, eh?

Well, we'll find out... next post.
 

Leon TrotSky

TOTAL NONSTOP ACTION
Joined
Apr 17, 2019
Messages
81,985
Reaction score
23,589
Points
113
Location
The Impact Zone, Scotland
Favorite Wrestler
velvetsky
Entry #800
Hollywood Hogan (c) vs. Sting
for the WCW World Heavyweight Championship

WCW Starrcade - December 28, 1997

This is it. The moment WCW was doomed to die. Not the Fingerpoke of Doom (which I will get to), not David Arquette, not Russo. This. The moment backstage politics got in the way of a proper conclusion to the hottest storyline in wrestling. Hogan vs. Sting. Starrcade 1997. The build speaks for itself. The vigilante for WCW finally taking on the nWo. It's unfuckupable and yet WCW fucked it up. Let's see what happened.

It goes wrong from the beginning of Hogan's entrance. He should be really bothered. He's scared of Sting, who can pop up anywhere. And yet he's coming out strutting, strumming his belt, ripping his shirt, like it's just another day in the office. And there's a big epic entrance for Sting, and Hogan's still trying to draw attention to himself. This seems like it'd fit with Hogan's character, but it doesn't fit with Hogan's interactions with Sting. At all. And Sting doesn't come from the rafters, he just... walks out. And Hogan's the face of confidence, acting like Sting is nothing to him. Bad sign from the beginning.

Oh yeah, there's a match! Crowd pops for Hogan tossing his bandana in Sting's face and Sting slapping him. Hogan starts stalling and a "Hogan sucks" chant begins. Hogan has Sting cornered but gets punched away. Louder "Hogan sucks" chants. And Hogan responds with a TEST OF STRENGTH spot, and he starts punching Sting about and Sting starts bouncing about. He's the picture of confidence, taunting Sting and telling him he's nothing. Back rake. Eye rake. Sting rolls away from a few elbows and hits a dropkick. That's his first real offence all match. And yet he does nothing with it, just staring at Hogan.

On goes a Hogan headlock, and then some OVW Rope Running Things end in Sting getting a couple more dropkicks and sending Hogan out again. Notice how Sting doesn't get sustained offence. It's Hogan getting the sustained stuff, and then Sting getting a shot in and Hogan rolling out to kill Sting's momentum. And not just rolling out either, getting right up Hawk-style and doing the most token selling before stalling. Sting slaps on a headlock, Hogan tries to drag him down. He finally escapes, another OVW Thing, Hogan clotheslines him down. Vertical suplex but Sting pops up. He's Stinging up, and now we see the cowardice we needed from Hogan all along.

Hogan is back on the offensive with eye pokes and Sting's sent TO THE OUTSIDE! Hogan abuses the announce table and uses Sting's bat to break his neck. Of course, since Nick Patrick is the ref, no problem. Hogan shows a shirt to Sting, but we don't see what it says. Sting whips Hogan into the guardrail but misses a Stinger Splash there. Sting's crotched on the guardrail and punched off. After we return to the ring, inverted atomic nutshot, big boot, leg drop for the three. Completely clean. No fast count. Nothing. Hogan just wins.

Except Bret Hart stops the timekeeper from ringing the bell, takes up the mic, and says no one's going to be screwed again. He decks the ref, sends Hogan back into the ring. Sting goes off, Stinger Splash. Sting clears off nWo interference, another Stinger Splash, Scorpion Deathlock, Hogan taps.

So, what went wrong? First of all, that Hogan gave Sting absolutely nothing in his crowning moment. It was basically a Hogan-sided squash except for maybe one minute before the restart. And then... no fast count! Hogan had gotten in Nick Patrick's ear legit and told him to do a regular count, just to bury Sting. And well, mission accomplished! Sting looks like a loser, Hogan looks screwed, and Bret Hart is the guy who screwed him! And the nWo storyline must continue despite the fact that it should have been given a severe time limit after this match. Political hand-wringing got in the way of the moment that should have defined the climax of what made WCW. And this was when everyone should have known. That nothing good would ever come of WCW because no one was willing to work with anyone. It managed to limp on for three years, but this was the moment the War was lost.
 

Geese

Well-Known Member
Joined
May 3, 2017
Messages
5,068
Reaction score
5,214
Points
113
Favorite Wrestler
E3RY3ej
Favorite Wrestler
Y8A7yx1
Favorite Sports Team
sacramentokings
Favorite Sports Team
Rx1XOnt
Entry #800
Hollywood Hogan (c) vs. Sting
for the WCW World Heavyweight Championship

WCW Starrcade - December 28, 1997

This is it. The moment WCW was doomed to die. Not the Fingerpoke of Doom (which I will get to), not David Arquette, not Russo. This. The moment backstage politics got in the way of a proper conclusion to the hottest storyline in wrestling. Hogan vs. Sting. Starrcade 1997. The build speaks for itself. The vigilante for WCW finally taking on the nWo. It's unfuckupable and yet WCW fucked it up. Let's see what happened.

It goes wrong from the beginning of Hogan's entrance. He should be really bothered. He's scared of Sting, who can pop up anywhere. And yet he's coming out strutting, strumming his belt, ripping his shirt, like it's just another day in the office. And there's a big epic entrance for Sting, and Hogan's still trying to draw attention to himself. This seems like it'd fit with Hogan's character, but it doesn't fit with Hogan's interactions with Sting. At all. And Sting doesn't come from the rafters, he just... walks out. And Hogan's the face of confidence, acting like Sting is nothing to him. Bad sign from the beginning.

Oh yeah, there's a match! Crowd pops for Hogan tossing his bandana in Sting's face and Sting slapping him. Hogan starts stalling and a "Hogan sucks" chant begins. Hogan has Sting cornered but gets punched away. Louder "Hogan sucks" chants. And Hogan responds with a TEST OF STRENGTH spot, and he starts punching Sting about and Sting starts bouncing about. He's the picture of confidence, taunting Sting and telling him he's nothing. Back rake. Eye rake. Sting rolls away from a few elbows and hits a dropkick. That's his first real offence all match. And yet he does nothing with it, just staring at Hogan.

On goes a Hogan headlock, and then some OVW Rope Running Things end in Sting getting a couple more dropkicks and sending Hogan out again. Notice how Sting doesn't get sustained offence. It's Hogan getting the sustained stuff, and then Sting getting a shot in and Hogan rolling out to kill Sting's momentum. And not just rolling out either, getting right up Hawk-style and doing the most token selling before stalling. Sting slaps on a headlock, Hogan tries to drag him down. He finally escapes, another OVW Thing, Hogan clotheslines him down. Vertical suplex but Sting pops up. He's Stinging up, and now we see the cowardice we needed from Hogan all along.

Hogan is back on the offensive with eye pokes and Sting's sent TO THE OUTSIDE! Hogan abuses the announce table and uses Sting's bat to break his neck. Of course, since Nick Patrick is the ref, no problem. Hogan shows a shirt to Sting, but we don't see what it says. Sting whips Hogan into the guardrail but misses a Stinger Splash there. Sting's crotched on the guardrail and punched off. After we return to the ring, inverted atomic nutshot, big boot, leg drop for the three. Completely clean. No fast count. Nothing. Hogan just wins.

Except Bret Hart stops the timekeeper from ringing the bell, takes up the mic, and says no one's going to be screwed again. He decks the ref, sends Hogan back into the ring. Sting goes off, Stinger Splash. Sting clears off nWo interference, another Stinger Splash, Scorpion Deathlock, Hogan taps.

So, what went wrong? First of all, that Hogan gave Sting absolutely nothing in his crowning moment. It was basically a Hogan-sided squash except for maybe one minute before the restart. And then... no fast count! Hogan had gotten in Nick Patrick's ear legit and told him to do a regular count, just to bury Sting. And well, mission accomplished! Sting looks like a loser, Hogan looks screwed, and Bret Hart is the guy who screwed him! And the nWo storyline must continue despite the fact that it should have been given a severe time limit after this match. Political hand-wringing got in the way of the moment that should have defined the climax of what made WCW. And this was when everyone should have known. That nothing good would ever come of WCW because no one was willing to work with anyone. It managed to limp on for three years, but this was the moment the War was lost.

I didn't think the match was THAT bad. It's just the finish which was the issue.
 
Last edited: