Looking for some brutall honest feed back here.
Alright, so I've always been an aspiring writer and have recently begun work on my first novel. Whether I finish or not, I dunno, but what I am curious about is what y'all (my target audience) think of my chops.
I don't usually share my work, but in this case I really do need to get some feedback to see whether I truly suck or not. Which by the way I expect honesty. If its sucks, tell me. It'll save me alot of trouble in the long run.
here's the prologue. I have a bit more, but this is all I'm willing to share at the moment.
The early morning is sunny, and the skies are a bright azure. The morning dew on the verdant green grass sparkles from the morning sun.
A lone grey stonework table sits in the middle of an empty field, flanked by two grey stonework benches. Upon the table, a chessboard has been set up and the lonely benches anxiously await the day’s players.
The air around the table begins to roil and mist, and a figure begins to appear from the miasma now surrounding the table.
As the mist clears, the figure takes full shape revealing a man of average height with a hearty belly. He’s wearing a stylishly cut black, English suit. Saville Row, maybe. His shoes are black leather, which have been polished to a near mirror sheen.
The unidentified man takes a seat at the table behind the black pieces and runs his fingers briefly through his shoulder length chestnut brown hair. He then reaches into his inside jacket pocket and pulls out an immaculate pair of Ray Ban sunglasses.
He deftly flicks his wrist extending the arms of the glasses and places them on his face hiding his tree bark coloured eyes.
The man then gets an impatient look on his face as he briefly glances over the chessboard before lifting his eyes up towards the sky. He speaks with a low, mighty timbre to the heavens “If we’re going to do this, please, lets get it over already. I have to make room for a few new residents today.â€
As if on command the sun begins to brighten intensely causing the as of yet unidentified man to further shield his eyes from the glare of the sun with his hand. A lone sunbeam extends to the opposite bench growing brighter still and beginning to get denser and take the shape of something yet to come.
The sunbeam’s light intensifies further and grows denser still revealing the shape of another figure. All at once the light flashes to a blinding white before dissipating leaving another man sitting on the opposite bench behind the white pieces.
The new man is dressed in a pair of old battered Nikes, dirty white carpenter pants, and a tie dyed shirt that has been splattered with paint. His short black hair is dishevelled and sticking up in every direction. He smiles a warm, engaging smile at the man sitting opposite the table from him.
“Sorry about the delay, I was tied up finishing off a little remodelling. I tell you its hard work, almost like moving heaven and earth.†He speaks with a soft reasonable voice, and a twinkle in his eye to match the grin on his face.
“Shall we begin then?†the man in black asked?
“Indeed†replied the man in white in an anxious voice. “I’ve been waiting for this day for a very long timeâ€
The man in black cocks his head to the side and reaches up with one chubby finger to lower his sunglasses down the bridge of his nose. He looks over his glasses into the eyes of the man in white with a curious, wary look.
“Well, its your first move†he says.
The man in white replies, “Wait until you see this one, you’re going to love it…â€
Alright, so I've always been an aspiring writer and have recently begun work on my first novel. Whether I finish or not, I dunno, but what I am curious about is what y'all (my target audience) think of my chops.
I don't usually share my work, but in this case I really do need to get some feedback to see whether I truly suck or not. Which by the way I expect honesty. If its sucks, tell me. It'll save me alot of trouble in the long run.
here's the prologue. I have a bit more, but this is all I'm willing to share at the moment.
As Yet Untitled
By Anthony Di Loreto
By Anthony Di Loreto
The early morning is sunny, and the skies are a bright azure. The morning dew on the verdant green grass sparkles from the morning sun.
A lone grey stonework table sits in the middle of an empty field, flanked by two grey stonework benches. Upon the table, a chessboard has been set up and the lonely benches anxiously await the day’s players.
The air around the table begins to roil and mist, and a figure begins to appear from the miasma now surrounding the table.
As the mist clears, the figure takes full shape revealing a man of average height with a hearty belly. He’s wearing a stylishly cut black, English suit. Saville Row, maybe. His shoes are black leather, which have been polished to a near mirror sheen.
The unidentified man takes a seat at the table behind the black pieces and runs his fingers briefly through his shoulder length chestnut brown hair. He then reaches into his inside jacket pocket and pulls out an immaculate pair of Ray Ban sunglasses.
He deftly flicks his wrist extending the arms of the glasses and places them on his face hiding his tree bark coloured eyes.
The man then gets an impatient look on his face as he briefly glances over the chessboard before lifting his eyes up towards the sky. He speaks with a low, mighty timbre to the heavens “If we’re going to do this, please, lets get it over already. I have to make room for a few new residents today.â€
As if on command the sun begins to brighten intensely causing the as of yet unidentified man to further shield his eyes from the glare of the sun with his hand. A lone sunbeam extends to the opposite bench growing brighter still and beginning to get denser and take the shape of something yet to come.
The sunbeam’s light intensifies further and grows denser still revealing the shape of another figure. All at once the light flashes to a blinding white before dissipating leaving another man sitting on the opposite bench behind the white pieces.
The new man is dressed in a pair of old battered Nikes, dirty white carpenter pants, and a tie dyed shirt that has been splattered with paint. His short black hair is dishevelled and sticking up in every direction. He smiles a warm, engaging smile at the man sitting opposite the table from him.
“Sorry about the delay, I was tied up finishing off a little remodelling. I tell you its hard work, almost like moving heaven and earth.†He speaks with a soft reasonable voice, and a twinkle in his eye to match the grin on his face.
“Shall we begin then?†the man in black asked?
“Indeed†replied the man in white in an anxious voice. “I’ve been waiting for this day for a very long timeâ€
The man in black cocks his head to the side and reaches up with one chubby finger to lower his sunglasses down the bridge of his nose. He looks over his glasses into the eyes of the man in white with a curious, wary look.
“Well, its your first move†he says.
The man in white replies, “Wait until you see this one, you’re going to love it…â€
. just used the CTRL+F to look for any F word lol. havnt found any!
