[Chikara] Blog

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2/15/2012: Vin Gerard. What a man you are. Busy on YouTube, busy on Twitter. And you're so smart! You wanted back in, you got it. You want a shot at me? You got it. So congratulations, partner, you showed the brass. You taught Wink a lesson, right? Vin Gerard is smarter than all of us.

Well guess what? Some lowlife scumbag like you doesn't walk all over the company that I represent. I am the Grand Champion of CHIKARA. A company I've built up for the last ten years. You want to take this title belt from me? Please try. Please.

[video=youtube;eyf9RSVoVzc]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eyf9RSVoVzc&feature=player_embedded#t=0s[/video]

I will face you on February 26th in Long Island. Me. Eddie Kingston. The champ. The problem solver. And the problem around here is you, Vin Gerard. I got you back in, so that I can be the one to take you out. You want to be the first to take a shot at this belt that I bled, that I sweated, that I sacrificed everything for? Fine. But understand this. When I put you down...when I beat you in Long Island, you are done. For good. Forever.

If you cannot beat me on February 26th, then no one, not me, not CHIKARA, nobody is going to hear from you ever again. Put up or shut up.


EK

 

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2/16/2012: It`s been 17 months since Da Jag Man and myself fell just short of capturing the gold. It`s been 17 months that I wake up in the middle of the night, every night, in a cold sweat. Now you might be thinking, "why is Big Magic waking up in a cold sweat every night?" Because I have a serious rumble in my belly for some pepperoni!

So every night as I lean over my kitchen sink in the dark, chompin' on a fresh pepperoni stick, I get to thinkin'. Thinkin' about September 18th 2010, and how close 3.0 came to winning those tag team titles, how hard we had to work to get to that match, and how hard it will be to get back. I keep thinkin', about how we sit here with two points, and it really PUMPS me up!! It really turns me on!!! So I finish da pepperoni, wash it down with 2 Red Bulls and I head to the gym for a midnight Muay Thai training session, followed by some hot yoga. I need the training. I need the sweat. I need it all.

Because on Sunday afternoon, Febuary 26th, in Long Island, 3.0 has a shot. A shot at gaining that third point, as we square off against Da New Throwbacks (DNT) Dasher Hatfield and Touchdown Man. Dasher, I don`t say this too often...but I like ya, you`re cool, and I dig it. Sir Touchdown, I have no opinion on you, but you`re in the way. In the way of of a freight train that has a one-way ticket to da Promised Land. So between all the sweaty hot yoga, the pepperoni, Red Bulls, Muay Thai and stuff, I`m ready! The man they call Da Jag Man, Scott "Jagged" Parker is ready! Ready for Long Island, ready for three points, and ready to take over da tag team world!!!

HOT YOGA!
SM

 

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2/20/2012: The men that live without discipline die without honor. (Amasis and Hieracon)

Sever has been completed.

Resurrect is in motion.

Although no longer shackled to the past, I must still repent for my transgressions. Repent through destruction. I will invoke chaos. This is the only way I, Ophidian(The Snake Spirit), will have a soul(mask) worthy of my name. Until then, I must continue to hide behind the Crimson Armor Osiris(Deity) will be made proud. Complete Resurrection happens through Complete Supremacy.

No one saves us but ourselves. Only I can walk the path.

[video=youtube;V9m8t_z3ODg]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V9m8t_z3ODg&feature=player_embedded#t=0s[/video]

Osiris(Deity). The Soul(mask)s of the Osirian Portal(Dishonored) have been place upon the Altar of Osiris(Deity). The ultimate Osirian Sacrament. Completed. Osiris(Deity) has revealed his plans to me.

Revelation - As it was written in days in of legend, It shall come to pass in the days of mediocrity. When this year comes to an end, The Snake Spirit(Ophidian) will acquire its true form. The world(CHIKARA) as I know it will change. Osiris has revealed only essentials. Resurrect. Ascend. When I’ve conquered CHIKARA, A true purpose will be revealed. All paths lead to that moment.

Snake Style - Strike First. Strike Fast. Strike Hard. The Cobra’s bite will paralyze like medusa’s gaze. The whip of the tail will strike with the force of a Pharaoh’s Army. Osiris(Deity) stole The Snake Spirit(Ophidian) from Wadjet(Deity). Consequence will follow. Only The Snake Spirit(Ophidian) can master Snake Style. Only Snake Style can prepare me for the upcoming battles. Only I can walk the path. Snake Style.

Oh Yesssssss
OPHIDIAN

 

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2/22/2012: The 12 Large: Summit has come and gone. But I remember the announcement of the blocks very well. I was pretty excited when they were revealed. Going up against good friends like Eddie Kingston and Fire Ant. A first-time ever singles against another Gen 1 original: UltraMantis Black. Couldn't care less for Vin Gerard, to be honest. But a singles match with Brodie Lee...now that's something I was really looking forward to.

Y'see, Brodie is a man who I look at like a challenge. I've never taken the easy way out. I'd like to think that the CHIKARMY knows that when they see a Jigsaw match, they know they're getting my all. Not just that, but one of the best, one of the most exciting bouts on a CHIKARA card. Brodie and I are certainly capable of just that. A first-time ever match that will leave the fans wanting more.

[video=youtube;oLBZTNour34]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oLBZTNour34&feature=player_embedded#t=0s[/video]

I'm no fool. I know Brodie isn't a man to be taken lightly or someone who I'm gonna run right through. But Brodie, if you're reading this...you know that I'm no push over either! So bring your all. Bring more than just the boot. 'Cause it's gonna take everything you got stored in that truck of yours to put me down!

See you in Reading!
JIG

 

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2/23/2012: Hey Wink,

It's been close to four months. I've been cleared to return since the beginning of 2012. I've e-mailed. Texted. Even Tweeted (@dereksabato since Wink won't put it on the roster page for all my fans to find.) What is it I have to do? Four months ago Tursas squashed me in the corner. Four months ago Fire Ant & Soldier Ant marched me out of the ECW Arena. That was my last time not only in CHIKARA, but in the ECW Arena. Do you know what I've gone through in that Arena? And THAT'S my last moment?

I've followed your rules. I've watched my friends and associates disappear because of you. You embarrassed me at King of Trios by making me change shirts in the middle of a match! What more do you want from me? Jonathan Barber gets to do "The Barber Shop" every Wednesday. PJ Drummond is doing that new "My Breakfast with CHIKARA" podcast. Bryce...well Bryce is still a worm on the weekly Event Center videos but at least he finally shaved! I enforced the rules like you wanted. I'm your best official, and yet I get your nose turned up at me. Do you remember the last man who turned his nose up at me? You should because you're the reason he's doing commentary and moderating the CHIKARA message board. I thought he was a dictator? You're just an incompetent fool. How on Earth are you qualified for the job of Director?

I look around the roster page on this site and I'm confused. I recognize just a couple people I know. F.I.S.T...Tim Donst...Jakob Hammermeier...what happened to everyone else? That slob Eddie Kingston is the Grand Champion of CHIKARA? You're doing a lot of good, Wink.

The last time this company put me in a bad way I returned at the biggest event of the year and crowned the BIGGEST & BEST King of Trios of all time! If you think Vin Gerard can disrupt things...I don't know if you're prepared for Derek Sabato. I'll be waiting for your call...

Best wishes,
DS

 

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2/24/2012: This, is fact: the Great & Devious UltraMantis Black has never held a professional wrestling title! Anywhere, at any time. Not a singles title, not a tag team title, not a trios titles. No Young Lions Cup, no Campeonatos de Parejas, and, of course, no Grand Championship. Previously, I never felt an urgency to acquire gold, trophies or titles, preferring to spend my energies on other transcendental endeavors such as attaining the supreme and the mortal concept of destroy/erase/improve. Even now, I still possess certain misgivings about such pursuits.

[video=youtube;AoaydhsYrTc]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AoaydhsYrTc&feature=player_embedded#t=0s[/video]

But, alas, I have reached a turning point in my career. I have spent the past 10 years of my life within the confines of the CHIKARA ring and I have observed much from this perspective. I have seen men and women come and go, I have seen careers born and careers ended. I have waged wars and had wars waged against me; led an army into battle. I have built and re-built a legion of loyal devotees. I have seen and experienced the very metamorphosis that CHIKARA itself has gone through. And yet, for me, this is not enough. Because you see - try as I may to fight it - there is a feeling deep in the darkest corner of my soul that I cannot suppress. A feeling of longing and desire. A desire to do as so many who have come both before and after me have already done - to be called a champion. To have my arm raised in triumph and be declared paramount at what I do. To earn the respect and honor that comes alongside such an accomplishment. To be recognized as the best in CHIKARA.

On Saturday, February 25th in Reading, Pennsylvania - with fellow CHIKARA original Hallowicked by my side - I once again get the opportunity to experience just that. I won't squander that opportunity. I came within a hair of immortality at "A World of Comforting Illusions." The Spectral Envoy must be victorious. We will become the newest Campeones de Parejas and I will finally take my rightful place among the list of CHIKARA's "greatest."

And this, is fact.
UMB

 

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2/27/2012: Y'know, I'm a pretty even-tempered guy. Right? Wink Vavasseur is cool under pressure. That's a thing people say; everybody knows that. I'm a cucumber.

But this past weekend, it was like everyone forgot who directs the fun here at CHIKARA. The inmates were running the asylum. What would my old man have said if he saw the things that went down on my watch? This is an outrage. Unacceptable.

When the Board of Directors brought me in to evaluate the job Dieter VonSteigerwalt was doing, I went back to the start of the whole BDK business. I reviewed it from the very start. I did my homework before I started to reach out to the people, the common folk like you, to get their opinions. I wanted to see the objective truth before anyone inserted their subjectivity into it. Y'know, before you got your chocolate in my peanut butter, so to speak.

And what was in front of my eyes and ears made my jaw drop. I saw men in crazy white suits breaking through the fencing and climbing into the ring while everyone stood and stared. One of them spoke on the microphone and no one thought to cut off his sound. Not one person said to himself, "Hey, maybe I should just flip this switch and cut off that microphone." Then, a huge gang fight broke out and someone switched off the lights. The lights! Was the same guy running the lighting board and the audio? Unbelievable.

What I saw yesterday reminded me a bit too much of that chaos: a bunch of guys in crazy masks running amok with no one stopping them. Is that acceptable in professional wrestling? Well, I'll tell you this much, I know it's not acceptable in racquetball. It's not acceptable in mixed doubles tennis, and I'm certain it's not acceptable in a rink-a-dink kiddie soccer league where, instead of soccer nets, they just use those miniature orange cones. So, why would it be acceptable in a sport with the word PROFESSIONAL right there in its name?! Frankly, I'm at a loss for words.

Listen closely: Ol' Wink is a man of action. That much you can count on. This sort of thing will not happen again on my watch.

WV

 

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3/8/2012: Stopping by woods on a snowy evening, I realized how heavy my thoughts had become on conflicts, resolutions and gold. My mind in unrest at the toilsome choices before me I came to realize that foolish choices were made, and harder ones were yet to be rendered. While staring down two roads in the yellow wood I knew that I must make a choice, and knowing how way leads onto way knew there would be no turning back.

They who have no arms, have the cleanest of hands. No matter how glorious my muscular arms may be, my hands are not unclean. For you see it was I who took the undaunting task to set forth opponents who could outmatch Akuma. It was I who let vengeance, anger, and dignity blind me from what is truly important. Things like comradery, championships and recovery. While the Kentuckiest of Gentlemen, Chuck Taylor and the Cat of all Pajamas, Johny Gargano would never go gentle into the good night, for me to put them or the Campeonates de Parejas in jeopardy is like the lovers lost...and yet love remains. Having Akuma banned from CHIKARA would indeed be glorious, but the stench and animosity he's left would linger in the locker room for days to come.

I wandered through the woods like a small boy lost, when a divine image appeared before me. A small tree with branches twisted and gnarled, a gross deformity of nature gave me an idea like no other. If I could make the tyger, why not construct the lamb? Why not save the precious energy of our Campeones de Parejas? Why not use Greg Iron's pent up anger and energy to halt Akuma's journey to rejoining the CHIKARA roster?

Time is a virtue and simple spectation is for the commoners. So I decree that this battle for retribution of lost honor shall take place this very month on March 25th, in the Ottawa, Ontario. In addition to assure I have the best seat and keep idle hands busy I shall give myself the honor of being your very special guest...

ICARUS

 

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3/12/2012: "If you're going to do this, give it everything you got. Learn from your mistakes. Strive to be the best."

Wise words.

These are the very words of advice my father gave to me as he was driving me to my first pro-wrestling training class on February 16, 2001. It's a day that I will always remember. It was a day that changed my life.

That was the day that I started my venture into this crazy world of professional wrestling. In my 11 years of being around this great sport I've met a lot of incredible people. I've had the opportunity to travel the world doing what I love the most. But most importantly, I've been blessed with the chance to share my passion with so many others who love professional wrestling as much as I do. It still blows my mind that I can entertain someone, make them laugh or help them forget about the troubles of real life for a few mintues. I understand it though, because it's the same for me or any other wrestler when we are in that ring. Nothing in the world matters other than those few moments that we are all sharing together. It's quite romantic when you think about it.

I'm sitting here in front of my computer not as "Jagged" the wrestler, but as Scott Parker, the person, thinking about how much this upcoming title match in Toronto means to me. It means everything. It's a tad cliche, but it's true.

[video=youtube;lFuaruItFYY]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lFuaruItFYY&feature=player_embedded#t=0s[/video]

I've been fortunate enough to be able to do a lot of amazing things in my life, but there is one thing I have never been able to do. I've never been able to look at myself and honestly say that I was the best at something. On March 24th I have that chance. To go to the ring, give everything I have for the fans, my dad, my tag team partner, and most importantly, for myself. I have a chance to hold something real in my hands. A gold belt, a trophy, a symbol that signifies for one defining moment, I am truly considered the best at something.

I've been close before. On September 18th, 2010, Shane and I were only three seconds away from defeating the champions, Ares & Claudio of the BDK. Three seconds away from being the best. But we failed. That loss taught me a lot about who I was not just as a wrestler, but as a person...and it took a piece of me with it.

I don't know if I can handle a loss of that magnitude again.

I want to win the Campeonatos de Parejas. We need to win... WE HAVE to win...

If we don't, I'm not sure what the future has in store for 3.0.

It's do or die.
SJP

 

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3/15/2012: Louder. The whispers are becoming something more. Infected. My brain is infected by devils. That’s what it feels like. Osiris has already warned me about this. I can make them stop. They stop when I Resurrect. Osiris won’t tell me what it is I need to complete this.

(Death follows you. The path you walk leads to destruction. The destruction cannot be just a result of your actions. You must be the destruction. Become one with the Chaos. Become one with Snake Style. Become one with Us.)

Death and destruction. Just like the Grim Reaper. These whispers are feeling like devils forming inside me. Grim Reaper. It's time to become one with them. Ascend - Its time to form my own death list.

(It is not enough to just speak it. You must prove it. Step up and take it! Take it like you took my Mask. Embrace this path. There is no turning back. In order to Ascend, you must Resurrect. You need the Catalyst. You need to become one with us. It is the only way you can be prepared for what is coming.)

[video=youtube;8sI4eCsFv60]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8sI4eCsFv60&feature=player_embedded#t=0s[/video]

Disrespect. Even in their current state of being, Hieracon and Amasis disrespect me. The same as Vavasseur. Just as the CHIKARA fans still do. Yet he has a point. It's time to complete Resurrect. CHIKARA still doesn’t fear me. That will change. Now.

The Devils. They live within me. The Whispers. They guide me. New territory to conquer to the north. I will prove that I contain an evil within me that is unmatched. I will prove that I have a vicious streak that is unparalleled. I am the most diabolical, the most devious creature to ever walk this planet. You want me to prove it, Amasis? Must I show the world?

Snake Style. It is not just a form of combat. Mindset. Strike First. Strike Fast. Strike Hard. I will find the Catalyst. The pretender will fall. Who is next on Death’s list? Canada will drown in the screams of my fallen enemies. Snake Style.


OPHIDIAN

 

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3/19/2012: Sorry CHIKARMY. That wasn't me in Long Island dressed as Green Ant. I was in Southern New Jersey. I would never rob the CHIKARMY of seeing my beautiful face...trust me. I don't show up to CHIKARA cards that I'm not booked for (i.e. getting paid for.) It's not worth the time of the drive just to sit in the back and watch undeserving people walk through the curtain. I've been fired by CHIKARA before. I've been promised the Senior Official position for someone to take it away from me. I'm not gonna be insulted right to my face.

So I send e-mails. I leave voicemails. I know you get them, Wink. I know you do. I send you tweet after tweet. You ignore me. Then I read yesterday that Mike Quackenbush asked for a match against two masked guys who jump them and you tell him a wrestler doesn't make the rules...you do. Then what do you do? You make the match! I don't know what the GEKIDO have planned. I don't know who they are. I don't know what their intentions are, but I can tell they're forcing you into a corner. A corner I've seen before.

Long before you Wink, I watched Leonard F. Chikarason fire me because the fans didn't like me. Bryce didn't like me. The locker room (save for an enlightened few) didn't like me. I was forced out like so many people before...all ostracized, even though CHIKARA is considered a "family." Vin Gerard is the biggest example! He was pushed out of the Wrestle Factory. Then he forced his way back in...lost his mask...and he was forced out again! He caused CHIKARA havoc all the way up to the night Eddie Kingston retired him. Even Dieter was pushed out and you see what we in the BDK caused.

[video=youtube;_1p86-BzOdk]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_1p86-BzOdk&feature=player_embedded#t=0s[/video]

The biggest fallacy is that CHIKARA is one big happy family. Wink, you're a smart man but you're letting the inmates run the asylum. Those that repeat mistakes are doomed to repeat them and fail. You can't let Eddie Kingston bully you around. You can't bow down to Mike Quackenbush. You shouldn't even listen to people like Icarus, who are pushing someone else out of CHIKARA (Gran Akuma) with this trial series. This is either your job, or it's not. Who directs the fun?

You need someone that can talk to these types of...pariahs. Someone with something in common. Someone that understands their pain. I can see why they're going after Jigsaw and Quackenbush and The Colony. Champions, King of Trios, the ambassadors of CHIKARA to the world. That fly the CHIKARA flag high! Yet, everytime pariahs like GEKIDO show their faces...who do they always go for? If you're not going to give me matches to referee anymore, let me help you in other ways. Ways that won't lead to someone trying to desecrate the Grand Championship title belt...or more chaos being created...think about it Wink. Or Tweet me.


DS

 

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3/21/2012: Canada - home of the ignorant. Due to a blueberry picking adventure that later turned into a kerfuffle, Jakob is unfortunately not allowed into Canada at this time (legal issues are pending.) Apparently having tremendous hair, boyish charm, und a sense of humor is frowned upon by the Canadian border guards. Jealous creatures.

Since I cannot accompany mein tag partner Tim Donst on this excursion, I would like to take this time to write a bit of a farewell message since this is the first time since "High Noon" that I will go without seeing Tim for more than 12 hours und I am very nervous about this time apart. I don't do so well on mein own.

Tim: everyone in the locker room is jealous of your talent, looks, und most importantly, those massive guns. (Good luck sneaking those through the border!) That is the exact reason why the CHIKARMY boos. (Although if the Canadian CHIKARMY is as apathetic as the Canadian military then you don't have much to worry about.) As you meet El Generico very soon in Canada, you will get to showcase why you are in fact "The Greatest Young Lions Cup Champion of All Time." You will showcase to the world, the dominance of a mat wrestling style the likes which Canada has never seen before, und you will do it with the poise und grace of a majestic buck proudly striding through un-driven snow.

[video=youtube;lFuaruItFYY]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lFuaruItFYY&feature=player_embedded#t=0s[/video]

To say that I am proud to call you mein tag partner is an understatement. While you are gone, I will continue training hard so when you get back you can continue anchoring the world's most promising tag team as I continue to improve through your teachings.

Tim Donst will in fact beat the very best masked Mexi-Canadian in El Generico. This high flying dummkopf will be grounded to the mat, due to the Mat Wrestling Machine's methodical attack. Meanwhile, Jakob will be scrap booking our BFF collages waiting eagerly for your return so we can celebrate your recent SUCCESSFUL travels! I'd wish you luck, but your talent is already an unfair advantage.

Im namen der Bruderschaft,
JH

 

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3/23/2012: Over the past couple of days I have sat down countless times trying to write this blog concerning my thoughts on this weekend's CHIKARA events in Canada, specifically in Vaughan when Jagged and myself will challenge for the Campeonatos de Parejas.

I sit down and attempt to type out my thoughts, to get it all out, only to end up staring at a blank page.

[video=youtube;lFuaruItFYY]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lFuaruItFYY&feature=player_embedded#t=0s[/video]

I could write up countless cliches and catch phrases but at the end of the day, the time for talk is done. All the matters is when the bell rings this Saturday night just outside Toronto. Winning 2 falls: that's all that matters.

I need to hear Gavin declare that 3.0 are the NEW Campeones of CHIKARA. That moment, that validation is all that matters. Winning the championship is all that matters. Having that to hold onto for the rest of my life is all that matters.

We have worked for ten long years and that special moment is ours to take, to hold, to savor on Saturday night. F.I.S.T., this weekend, the Jag Man and myself are coming to Vaughan to claim the Campeonatos de Parejas and to claim the moment we have worked for, sweated for, sacrificed for since the day we first laced up our boots.


SM

 

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3/30/2012: When it was decided that I'd have to endure a "Trial Series" to get back into CHIKARA (and in turn, to get my hands in Icarus,) a lot of people thought I'd be upset. Here I am, one of the guys CHIKARA was built on, a "Gen 1" guy (or whatever it is they started calling us in my absence,) and I have to earn my spot all over again? People told me it was ridiculous. They told me Icarus was just running scared. While these are certainly valid points, it's really only half the story.

Back at "Chikarasaurus Rex: King of Show," the guys who were supposed to be like brothers to me cast me out as the "weak link" and beat me down. The guy I fought beside for seven years spiked me on my head with a Pedigree and left me for dead. As strange as this might sound to some, the beatdown isn't the thing that hurt. Truth be told, I've been beat down before and I'll get beat down again. I knew that was part of the deal when I first climbed into a ring. This is about something that cuts much deeper.

Weak. Link.

[video=youtube;ZbcMoFmNlCM]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZbcMoFmNlCM&feature=player_embedded#t=0s[/video]

I didn't return to CHIKARA for the simple purpose of beating Icarus into a thin paste. I could have done that in a parking lot. I came back to show Icarus, the rest of F.I.S.T., and the entire world what I'm made of. I came back fully healed, in the best shape of my life, and with more than a few new tricks up my sleeve. I am back with a mission to reclaim my lost honor (the pride-in-yourself kind, not the hand-shaking kind,) and I don't care who stands in my way.

When it was announced that my first "trial" would be Chuck Taylor, I couldn't have been more pleased. Not only did I pass my first test with flying colors, but one of the guys who put me out to pasture found out that the Gran Akuma they sent packing and the Gran Akuma they're dealing with now are two completely different animals. And I'm more than ready for my next challenge.

Just when I expected to get my hands on Johnny Gargano, it turns out my "Trial Series" will instead pit me against Greg Iron. I don't have a personal issue with you, Greg. You feel disrespected, and I get that. Greg has absolutely nothing to do with any of this - this is Icarus manipulating things to his advantage. Greg was simply an innocent bystander. He was in the wrong place at the wrong time. And yes, I did kick him square in the skull at "High Noon." I was the first to admit that I screwed up, and I thought Greg understood that. The target was Icarus, but the victim was Iron.

What happened at "High Noon" between you and I was a mistake, Greg. But it's different this time around. My career is on the line in Rahway. If I lose, I'm gone. That can't happen. Icarus, the manipulator and traitor, the man who just lost the Campeonatos de Parejas for F.I.S.T. but thinks someone else is the "weak link" needs to be silenced. He needs his comeuppance. And Greg, you're in my way. I expressed my remorse after what happened at "High Noon." I meant you no disrespect. But the people that get in my way...have to go down.


GA

 

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4/3/2012: Hello all,

Your trusty Director of Fun, Wink Vavasseur, here again!

Before I begin, I just want to state for the record that I don't like using these blog posts to directly address other blog posts. This should be a place to let the fans know about exciting updates and giving fans unprecedented access into the thoughts and insights of our talented roster of wrestlers. It's bad enough that personal emotions and grievances bleed into what should simply be entertaining wrestling matches; this blogging back-and-forth is tantamount to in-fighting, and the fans shouldn't be witness to it. Intra-company complaints should be kept to intra-office memos, not splattered across the worldwide web for all to see. There's a reason I have those suggestion boxes in the locker rooms.

That's right, I'm talking about a recent blog post by one Derek Sabato. The former CHIKARA "referee" had been inundating my sundry inboxes with his voicemails, e-mails and tweets, variously begging, pleading, whimpering, cajoling, demanding, and outright bribing me. Now, he's figuring the way to get what he wants is to buddy up to ol' Wink and offer his services as an ombudsman. I may not have pitch-perfect hearing, but I've been around the block long enough to recognize the dulcet tones of a snake charmer when I hear them. No thanks, "pal." I'd be a fool to let someone like Derek Sabato sully the good name of Vavasseur. Good day, sir. I believe I said 'good day!'

The next order of business: CANADA!! As you all should be well aware, your beloved CHIKARA finally made its debut in the Great White North and it went off without a hitch! Well, there were a few hitches, but they didn't ruin anything! Okay, actually, those hitches ruined a few things, but I can't let that spoil the tremendous support, enthusiasm and hospitality shown to us by our terrific Canadian fans! We are pleased to announce that you've enticed us to return to your great country on June 23rd in Strathroy, Ontario! "Ain't nothin' gonna stop us now!" Especially not…

Okay. Yeah. So, you may have heard. Let's get right down to it.

While we were in Canada, the GEKIDO made a royal mounted mess of things that I'm still in the process of cleaning up. They did more than hitch; they downright crossed lines. These are lines that can't be uncrossed, and I'm just up to my neck trying to deal with the aftermath of all this. They seriously injured Mike "Master of a Thousand Holds" Quackenbush and tore the mask off Green Ant's face. Backstage, they beat up Los Ice Creams and, while my Spanish is rusty at best, those Ice Cream guys were clearly furious. I'm honestly not sure we'll be able to get them back. Back in February, I told the ARMY o' CHIKARA and all of the athletes that this kind of chaos would be remedied, and I took steps to make it so. Do I have to requisition even more security to post behind the curtain just so the Ice Cream fellows don't get pummeled whenever GEKIDO shows up? I may blog softly, but I carry a big nightstick.

Speaking both figuratively and literally, I wear much too nice of a suit to be getting this muck all over me. I need somebody to clean up this garbage, a low man on the totem pole, and Derek Sabato, you know I've always thought of your status as being just barely above that of a common trash man (and not the respectable family man kind, like Charles S. Dutton's character of "Roc;" the dirty kind with poor social skills.) You deal with these trouble-makers. Get a leash on them, stat. You're the official go-between, the liaison to the GEKIDO. Should you consider this retribution for trying to sneak your way into my good graces, Sabato? Well, I'm not going to tell you how to think, but you know what this is. Also, stop tweeting me all the time.


WV